A richly furnished chamber in the house of PODKHALYÚZIN
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA is sitting luxuriously near the window; she wears a silk waist, and a bonnet of the latest fashion. PODKHALYÚZIN, in a stylish frock coat, stands before the mirror. Behind him TISHKA is adjusting his master's clothes, and adding the finishing touches.
TISHKA. There now, it fits you to a T!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, Tishka, do I look like a Frenchman? Ah! Step away and look at me!
TISHKA. Like as two peas.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Go along, you blockhead! Now you just look at me.[He walks about the room]There now, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! And you wanted to marry an officer, ma'am! Ain't I a sport, though? I picked the smartest coat I could find and put it on.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. But you don't know how to dance, Lázar Elizárych.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What of it—won't I learn, though, and the raggiest ever! In the winter we're going to attend the Merchants' Assemblies. You just watch us, ma'am! I'm going to dance the polka.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Now, Lázar Elizárych, you buy that carriage we saw atArbatsky's.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Of course, Olimpiáda Samsónovna, ma'am! Of course, by all means!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. They've brought me a new cloak; you and I ought to goFriday to Sokolniki.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Of course, most certainly we'll go, ma'am; and we'll drive in the park on Sundays. You see our carriage is worth a thousand rubles, and the horses a thousand, and the harness mounted with silver—just let 'em look! Tishka! My pipe.[TISHKA goes out. PODKHALYÚZIN sits down beside OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA]Just so, ma'am, Olimpiáda Samsónovna; you just let 'em watch us.
[Silence.]
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Well, why don't you kiss me, Lázar Elizárych?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, sure! Permit me, ma'am! With great pleasure! If you please, your little hand, ma'am![He kisses it. Silence]Olimpiáda Samsónovna, say something to me in the French dialect, ma'am!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. What shall I say to you?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, say anything—any little thing, ma'am. It's all the same to me, ma'am!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA.Kom voo zet zholi!
PODKHALYÚZIN. What does that mean, ma'am?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. How nice you are!
PODKHALYÚZIN.[Jumping up from his chair]Aha! now here's a wife for you, ma'am! Hooray, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! You've treated me fine! Your little hand, please!
EnterTISHKAwith the pipe.
TISHKA. Ustinya Naúmovna has come.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What the devil is she here for!
TISHKAgoes out.
The same andUSTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. How are you managing to live, my jewels?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Thanks to your prayers, Ustinya Naúmovna, thanks to your prayers.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. [KissingOLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA] Why, I believe you've grown better looking, and have filled out a bit!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Bah, what nonsense you're chattering, UstinyaNaúmovna! Now, what struck you to come here?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What nonsense, my jewel! Here's what's up. Whether you like it or not, you can't help it.—If you like to slide down-hill you've got to pull up your sled.—Now, why have you forgotten me completely, my jewels? Or haven't you had a chance yet to look about you? I suppose you're all the time billing and cooing.
PODKHALYÚZIN. We have that failing, Ustinya Naúmovna; we have it.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Come, come now: just see what a nice sweetheart I got for you.
PODKHALYÚZIN. We're well satisfied, Ustinya Naúmovna; we're well satisfied.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. How could you be dissatisfied, my ruby? What's the matter with you! I suppose you're all the time bustling around over new clothes, now. Have you laid in a stock of stylish things yet?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Not much so far, and that mostly because the new stuffs have just come in.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Naturally, my pearl, you can't help it; let 'em be of poor goods, so long's they're blue! But what kind of dresses did you order most of, woollens or silks?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. All sorts—both woollens and silks; not long ago I had a crape made with gold trimmings.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. How much have you, all-in-all, my jewel?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Here, count: my wedding-dress of blond lace over a satin slip; and three velvets—that makes four; two gauze and a crape embroidered with gold—that's seven; three satin, and three grosgrain—that's thirteen; gros de Naples and gros d'Afrique, seven—that's twenty; three marceline, two mousseline de ligne, two Chine royale—how many's that?—three and four's seven, and twenty—twenty-seven; four crape Rachel—that's thirty-one. Then there are muslins, bouffe mousseline and calico, about twenty, and then waists and morning jackets—about nine or ten. And then I've just had one made of Persian stuff.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Lord help you, what heaps you've got! But you go and pick out for me the largest of the gros d'Afrique ones.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. I won't give you a gros d'Afrique. I have only three myself; besides, it wouldn't suit your figure: now, if you want to, you can take a crape Rachel.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What in time do I want with a tripe Rachel. Evidently there's nothing to be done with you; I'll be satisfied with a satin one, and let it go at that.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Well, and the satin, too—it's not quite the thing, cut ballroom style, very low—you understand? But I'll look up a crape Rachel jacket; we'll let out the tucks, and it'll fit you like the paper on the wall.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Well, bring on your tripe Rachel! You win, my ruby; go open the clothes closet.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Right away; wait just a minute.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. I'll wait, my jewel, I'll wait. Besides, I have to have a little talk with your husband. [OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNAgoes out] What's this, my jewel, have you entirely forgotten about your promise?
PODKHALYÚZIN. How could I forget, ma'am? I remember. [He takes out his pocketbook and gives her a note.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Why, what's this, my diamond?
PODKHALYÚZIN. One hundred rubles, ma'am!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Only one hundred? Why, you promised me fifteen hundred!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Wha—at, ma'am?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. You promised me fifteen hundred!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ain't that a bit steep? Won't you be living too high?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What's this, you barnyard cockerel; are you trying to joke with me, man? I'm a mighty cocky lady myself!
PODKHALYÚZIN. But why should I give you money? I'd do it if there were any occasion for it.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Whether for something or for nothing, give it here—you promised it yourself!
PODKHALYÚZIN. What if I did promise! I promised to jump from the Tower ofIvan the Great, provided I married Olimpiáda Samsónovna; should I jump?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Do you think I won't have the law on you? Much I care that you're a merchant of the second guild; I'm in the fourteenth class myself, and even if that ain't much, I'm an official's wife all the same.
PODKHALYÚZIN. You may be a general's wife—it's all the same to me; I won't have anything to do with you! And there's an end to it!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. You lie, it ain't! You promised me a sable cloak.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What, ma'am?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. A sable cloak! Have you grown deaf, maybe?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Sable, ma'am! He, he, he!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Yes, sable! What are you laughing and stretching your mouth at?
PODKHALYÚZIN. You haven't gone out for a stroll with your mug in a sable cloak[1] yet, have you?
[Footnote 1: Russian fur cloaks, it may be useful to remember, have broad collars that can be turned up to protect the face.]
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNAbrings in a dress and hands it toUSTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA.
The same andOLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What in the world is the matter with you; do you want to rob me, maybe?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Rob you, nothing! You just go to the devil, and be done with you!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Are you going to turn me out? And I, senseless idiot, agreed to work for you: I can see now your vulgar blood!
PODKHALYÚZIN. What, ma'am! Speak, if you please!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. When it comes to that, I don't care to look at you! Not for any amount of money on earth will I agree to associate with you! I'll go twenty miles out of my way, but I won't go by you! I'll sooner shut my eyes and bump into a horse, than stand and look at your dirty den! Even if I want to spit, I'll never set foot in this street again! Break me in ten pieces if I lie! You can go to the infernal jim-jams if you ever see me here again!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Easy now, aunty, easy!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. I'll show you up, my jewels: you'll find out! I'll give you such a rep in Moscow that you won't dare show your face in public!—Oh! I'm a fool, a fool to have anything to do with such a person! And I, a lady of rank and position!—Fah, fah, fall! [She goes out.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, the blue-blooded lady flew off the handle! Oh, Lord, what an official she is! There's a proverb that says: "The thunderbolt strikes, not from the clouds, but from the dung-heap." Good Lord! Just look at her; what a lady!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Bright idea of yours, Lázar Elizárych, ever to have anything to do with her!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Really, a very absurd woman.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. [Glancing out of the window] I believe they've let daddy out of the pen; go see, Lázar Elizárych.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, no, ma'am; they won't let daddy out of the pen soon, either; most likely they ordered him to the meeting of the creditors, and then he got leave to come home. Mamma, ma'am! Agraféna Kondrátyevna! Daddy's coming, ma'am!
The same,BOLSHÓV,andAGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Where is he? Where is he? My own children, my little doves! [Kisses are exchanged.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Daddy, how do you do, our respects!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. My little dove, Samsón Sílych, my treasure! You've left me an orphan in my old age!
BOLSHÓV. That'll do, wife; stop!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. What's the matter with you, ma? you're crying over him as if he were dead! God only knows what's happened.
BOLSHÓV. That's just it, daughter; God only knows; but all the same your father's in jail.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Why, daddy, there are better people than you and me there, too.
BOLSHÓV. There are, that's so! But how does it feel to be there? How'd you like to go through the street with a soldier? Oh, daughter! You see they've known me here in this city for forty years; for forty years they've all bowed to me down to their belts, but now the street brats point their fingers at me.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. You haven't any color at all, my darling! You look like a ghost.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ah, daddy, God is merciful! When the rough places are smoothed over it'll all be pleasant again. Well, daddy, what do the creditors say?
BOLSHÓV. Here's what: they've agreed on the terms. "What's the use," they say, "of dragging it out? Maybe it'll do good, maybe it won't; but just give something in cash, and deuce take you!"
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why not give 'em something, sir! By all means do, sir! But do they ask much, daddy?
BOLSHÓV. They ask twenty-five kopeks.
PODKHALYÚZIN. That's a good deal, daddy!
BOLSHÓV. Well, man, I know myself that it's a good deal; but what's to be done? They won't take less.
PODKHALYÚZIN. If they'd take ten kopeks, then it'd be all right sir. Seven and a half for satisfaction, and two and a half for the expenses of the meeting.
BOLSHÓV. That's the way I talked; but they won't listen to it.
PODKHALYÚZIN. They carry it blamed high! But won't they take eight kopeks in five years?
BOLSHÓV. What's the use, Lázar, we'll have to give twenty-five; that's what we proposed at first.
PODKHALYÚZIN. But how, daddy! You yourself used to say not to give more than ten kopeks, sir. Just consider yourself: at the rate of twenty-five kopeks, that's a lot of money. Daddy, wouldn't you like to take a snack of something, sir? Mamma! order them to bring some vodka, and have them start the samovar; and we, for company's sake, 'll just take a thimbleful, sir.—But twenty-five kopeks's a lot, sir!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Right away, my dear, right away! [She goes out.
BOLSHÓV. But what are you talking to me for: of course, I know it's a good deal, but how can I help it? They'll put you in the pen for a year and a half; they'll have a soldier lead you through the streets every week, and if you don't watch out, they'll even transfer you to prison: so you'd be glad to give even half a ruble. You don't know where to hide yourself from mere shame.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNAenters with vodka; TISHKAbrings in relishes, and goes out.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. My own little dove! Eat, my dear, eat! I suppose they half starve you there!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Eat, daddy! Don't be particular; we're offering you such as we have.
BOLSHÓV. Thanks, Lázar, thanks! [He drinks] Take a drink yourself.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Your health! [He drinks] Mamma, won't you have some, ma'am?Please do!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Holy saints, what am I to do now? Such is the will of God! O Lord, my God! Ah, my own little dove, you!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ah, mamma, God is merciful; we'll get out of it somehow. Not all at once, ma'am!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Lord grant we may! As it is, it makes me pine away simply looking at him.
BOLSHÓV. Well, what about it, Lázar?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ten kopeks, if you please, I'll give, sir, as we said.
BOLSHÓV. But where am I going to get fifteen more? I can't make 'em out of door-mats.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Daddy, I can't raise 'em, sir! God sees that I can't, sir!
BOLSHÓV. What's the matter, Lázar? What's the matter? What have you done with the money?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Now you just consider: here I'm setting up in business—have fixed up a house. But do have something to eat, daddy! You can have some Madeira if you want it, sir! Mamma, pass daddy something.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Eat, Samsón Sílych, dear! Eat! I'll pour out a little punch for you, dear!
BOLSHÓV. [Drinks] Rescue me, my children, rescue me!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Here, daddy, you were pleased to ask what I had done with the money?—How can you ask, sir? Just consider yourself: I'm beginning to do business; of course, without capital it's impossible, sir; there's nothing to begin on. Here, I've bought a house; we've ordered everything that a good house ought to have, horses, and one thing and another. Just consider yourself! One has to think about the children.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Why, daddy, we can't strip ourselves bare! We're none of your common townspeople.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Daddy, please consider: to-day, without capital, sir, without capital you can't do much business.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. I lived with you until I was twenty years old, daddy, and was a regular stay-at-home. What, would you have me give back the money to you, and go about again in calico-print clothes?
BOLSHÓV. What are you saying? What are you saying? Recollect! You see I'm not asking any kindness of you, but my rights. Are you human beings?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Why, of course, daddy, we're human beings; we're not animals.
BOLSHÓV. Lázar, you just recollect; you see, I've given away everything to you, fairly wiped my slate clean; here's what I've got left, you see! You see, I took you into my house when you were a little rascal, you heartless scoundrel! I gave you food and drink as if I were your own father, and set you up in the world. But did I ever see any sort of gratitude in you? Did I? Recollect, Lázar, how many times have I noticed that you were light-fingered! What of it? I didn't drive you away as if you were a beast, I didn't tell on you all over town. I made you my head clerk; I gave all my property away to you; and to you, Lázar, I gave even my daughter, with my own hand. If you hadn't received permission from me, you'd never have dared look at her.
PODKHALYÚZIN. If you please, daddy, I feel all that very keenly, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Yes, you do! You ought to give everything away as I did, and leave yourself nothing but your shirt, just to rescue your benefactor. But I don't ask that, I don't need to; you simply pay out for me what's expected now.
PODKHALYÚZIN. And why shouldn't I pay, sir? Only they ask a price that's wholly unreasonable.
BOLSHÓV. But amIasking it? I begged out of every one of your kopeks I could; I begged, and bowed down to their feet; but what can I do, when they won't come down one little bit?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. We have told you, daddy, that we can't pay more than ten kopeks—and there's no use saying any more about it.
BOLSHÓV. And so, daughter, you say: "Go along now, you old devil, you, into the pen! Yes, into the pen! Off to prison with him, the old blockhead! And it serves him right!"—Don't chase after great wealth, be contented with what you have. But if you do chase after wealth, they'll take away the last you have, and strip you clean. And it'll come about that you'll run out onto the Stone Bridge, and throw yourself into the river Moscow. And they'll haul you out by your tongue, and put you in prison. [All are silent; BOLSHÓVdrinks] But you just think a bit: what kind of a walk am I going to have to the pen now? How am I going to shut my eyes? Now the Ilyínka will seem to me a hundred miles long. Just think, how it will seem to walk along the Ilyínka! It's just as if the devils were dragging my sinful soul through torment; Lord, forgive me for saying so! And then past the Iver Chapel[1]: how am I going to look upon her, the Holy Mother?—You know, Lázar; Judas, you see, sold even Christ for money, just as we sell our conscience for money. And what happened to him because of it?—And then there are the government offices, the criminal tribunal!—You see, I did it with set purpose, with malice aforethought.—You see, they'll exile me to Siberia. O Lord!—If you won't give me the money for any other reason, give it as charity, for Christ's sake. [He weeps.
[Footnote 1: In which there is a miracle-working image of the Virgin.]
PODKHALYÚZIN. What's the matter, what's the matter, daddy? There, there, now! God is merciful! What's the matter with you? We'll fix it up somehow. It's all in our hands.
BOLSHÓV. I need money, Lázar, money. There's nothing else to fix it with.Either money or Siberia.
PODKHALYÚZIN. And I'll give you money, sir, if you'll only let up. As it is, I'll add five kopeks more.
BOLSHÓV. What have we come to! Have you any Christian feeling in you? I need twenty-five kopeks, Lázar!
PODKHALYÚZIN. No, daddy, that's a good deal, sir; by heaven, that's a good deal!
BOLSHÓV. You nest of snakes!
[He falls with his head upon the table.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Barbarian, you barbarian! Robber that you are! You shan't have my blessing! You'll dry up, money and all; you'll dry up, dying before your time! You robber! Robber that you are!
PODKHALYÚZIN. That'll do, mamma; you're angering God. Why are you cursing me when you haven't looked into the business? You can see that daddy has got a bit tipsy, and you start to make a row.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. It would be better for you, ma, to keep still! You seem to enjoy sending people to the third hell. I know: you'll catch it for this. It must be for that reason God didn't give you any more children.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Keep still yourself, shameless creature! You were enough of a punishment for God to send me!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. You think everybody's shameless and that you're the only good person. But you ought to take a good look at yourself: all you can do is fast one day extra every week, and not a day goes by that you don't bark at somebody.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Shame on you! Shame on you! Oh! Oh! Oh!—I'll curse you in all the churches!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Curse away if you want to!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Yes, that's it! You'll die, and not rot! Yes!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Much I shall!
BOLSHÓV. [Rising] Well, good-by, children!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, daddy, sit still! We've got to settle this business somehow or other.
BOLSHÓV. Settle what? I see plainly enough that the jig is up. You'll make a mistake if you don't do me up brown! Don't you pay anything for me; let 'em do what they please. Good-by, it's time I was going.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Good-by, daddy! God is merciful—-you'll get out of this somehow.
BOLSHÓV. Good-by, wife.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Good-by, Samsón Sílych, dear! When'll they let us come to see you in jail?
BOLSHÓV. Don't know.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Then I'll inquire, otherwise you'll die there without our seeing you.
BOLSHÓV. Good-by, daughter! Good-by, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! Well, now you're going to be rich, and live like a princess. That means assemblies and balls—devil's own amusements! But don't you forget, Olimpiáda Samsónovna, that there are cells with iron bars, and poor prisoners are sitting in them. Don't forget us poor prisoners.
[He goes out withAGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ah! Olimpiáda Samsónovna, ma'am! How awkward, ma'am! I pity your father, by heaven I pity him, ma'am! Hadn't I better go myself and compound with his creditors? Don't you think I'd better, ma'am? Yet he himself will soften them better. Ah! Or shall I go? I'll go, ma'am! Tishka!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Do just as you please—it's your business.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Tishka! [TISHKAenters] Give me my old coat, the worst one there is. [TISHKAgoes out] As I am, they'd think I must be rich; and in that case, there'd be no coming to terms.
The same, RISPOLÓZHENSKYandAGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. My dear Agraféna Kondrátyevna, haven't you pickled your cucumbers yet?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. No, my dear. Cucumbers now, indeed! What do I care about them! But have you pickled yours?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Certainly we have, my dear lady. Nowadays they're very dear; they say the frost got them. My dear Lázar Elizárych, how do you do? Is that vodka? I'll just take a thimbleful, Lázar Elizárych.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNAgoes out withOLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why is it you've favored us with a visit, may I inquire?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. He, he, he!—What a joker you are, Lázar Elizárych! Of course you know why.
PODKHALYÚZIN. And what may that be, I should like to know, sir?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. For money, Lázar Elizárych, for money! Anybody else might come for something different, but I always come for money!
PODKHALYÚZIN. You come mighty blamed often for money.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. How can I help it, Lázar Elizárych, when you give me only five rubles at a time? You see I have a family.
PODKHALYÚZIN. You couldn't expect me to give you a hundred at a time!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. If you'd give it to me all at once, I shouldn't keep coming to you.
PODKHALYÚZIN. You know about as much about business as a pig does about pineapples; and what's more, you take bribes. Why should I give you anything?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Why, indeed!—You yourself promised to!
PODKHALYÚZIN. I myself promised! Well, I've given you money—you've made your profit, and that'll do; it's time to turn over a new leaf.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What do you mean by "time to turn over a new leaf"? You still owe me fifteen hundred rubles.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Owe you! Owe you! As if you had some document! And what for?For your rascality!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What do you mean by "rascality"? For my toil, not for my rascality!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Your toil!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, whatever it may be for, just give me the money, or a note for it.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What, sir! A note! Not much, you come again when you're a little older.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Do you want to swindle me with my little children?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Swindle, indeed! Here, take five rubles more, and go to the devil.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, wait! You'll not get rid of me with that.
TISHKAenters.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you going to do to me?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. My tongue isn't bought up yet.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, perhaps you want to lick me, do you?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, not lick you, but to tell the whole thing to all respectable people.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you going to talk about, you son of a sea-cook! And who's going to believe you?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Who's going to believe me?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Yes! Who's going to believe you? Just take a look at yourself!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Who's going to believe me? Who's going to believe me?You'll see! Yes, you'll see! Holy saints, but what can I do? It's my death!He's swindling me, the robber, swindling me! No, you wait! You'll see! It'sagainst the law to swindle!
PODKHALYÚZIN. But what'll I see?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Here's what you'll see! You just wait, just wait, just wait! You think I won't have the law on you? You wait!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Wait; yes, wait!—As it is, I've waited long enough. Quit your bluffing, you don't scare me.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. You think no one will believe me? Won't believe me? Well, let 'em insult me! I—here's what I'll do: Most honorable public!
PODKHALYÚZIN. What're you doing? What're you doing? Wake up!
TISHKA. Shame on you; you're just running around drunk!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Wait, wait!—Most honorable public! I have a wife, four children—look at these miserable boots!—
PODKHALYÚZIN. All lies, gentlemen! A most dishonorable man, gentlemen! That'll do for you, that'll do!—You'd better look out for yourself first, and see what you're up to!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Lemme go! He plundered his father-in-law! And he's swindling me.—A wife, four children, worn-out boots!
TISHKA. You can have 'em half-soled.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What're you talking about? You're a swindler, too!
TISHKA. Not at all, sir; never mind.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh! But what are you moralizing about?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, you wait! I'll remember you! I'll send you to Siberia!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Don't believe him, it's all lies, gentlemen! There, gentlemen, he's a most dishonorable man himself, gentlemen; he isn't worth your notice! Bah, my boy, what a lout you are! Well, I never knew you—and not for any blessings on earth would I have anything to do with you.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Hold on there, hold on! Take that, you dog! Well, may you be strangled with my money, and go to the devil! [He goes out.
PODKHALYÚZIN. How mad he got! [To the public] Don't you believe him, I mean him who was talking, gentlemen—that's all lies. None of that ever happened. He must have seen all that in a dream. But now we're just opening a little shop: favor us with your patronage. Send the baby to us, and we won't sell him a wormy apple!