"Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my ſincere commiſeration—I would have ſaid protection; but the privilege of man is denied me."My own ſituation forces a dreadful ſuſpicion on my mind—I may not always languiſh in vain for freedom—ſay are you—I cannot aſk the queſtion; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can be of any uſe. I will enquire,whyyou are ſo myſteriouſly detained—and Iwillhave an anſwer."henry darnford."
"Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my ſincere commiſeration—I would have ſaid protection; but the privilege of man is denied me.
"My own ſituation forces a dreadful ſuſpicion on my mind—I may not always languiſh in vain for freedom—ſay are you—I cannot aſk the queſtion; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can be of any uſe. I will enquire,whyyou are ſo myſteriouſly detained—and Iwillhave an anſwer.
"henry darnford."
By the moſt preſſing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit her to write a reply to this note. Anotherand another ſucceeded, in which explanations were not allowed relative to their preſent ſituation; but Maria, with ſufficient explicitneſs, alluded to a former obligation; and they inſenſibly entered on an interchange of ſentiments on the moſt important ſubjects. To write theſe letters was the buſineſs of the day, and to receive them the moment of ſunſhine. By ſome means, Darnford having diſcovered Maria's window, when ſhe next appeared at it, he made her, behind his keepers, a profound bow of reſpect and recognition.
Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourſe, during which period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the neceſſary information reſpecting her family, had evidently gained ſome intelligence, which increaſed herdeſire of pleaſing her charge, though ſhe could not yet determine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourable charge, without too minutely enquiring into the cauſe; and ſuch was her eagerneſs to hold human converſe, and to ſee her former protector, ſtill a ſtranger to her, that ſhe inceſſantly requeſted her guard to gratify her more than curioſity.
Writing to Darnford, ſhe was led from the ſad objects before her, and frequently rendered inſenſible to the horrid noiſes around her, which previouſly had continually employed her feveriſh fancy. Thinking it ſelfiſh to dwell on her own ſufferings, when in the midſt of wretches, who had not only loſt all that endears life, but their very ſelves, her imagination was occupied with melancholy earneſtneſs to trace the mazes of miſery, through which ſo many wretches muſt have paſſed to this gloomy receptacle of diſjointed ſouls, to the grand ſource of human corruption. Often at midnight was ſhe waked by the diſmal ſhrieks of demoniac rage, or of excruciating deſpair, uttered in ſuch wild tones of indeſcribable anguiſh as proved the total abſence of reaſon, and rouſed phantoms of horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreaming ſuperſtition ever drew. Beſides, there was frequently ſomething ſo inconceivably pictureſque in the varying geſtures of unreſtrained paſſion, ſo irreſiſtibly comic in their ſallies, or ſo heart-piercingly pathetic in the little airs they would ſing, frequently burſting out after an awful ſilence, as to faſcinate the attention, and amuſe the fancy, while torturing the ſoul. It was the uproar of the paſſions which ſhe was compelled to obſerve; and to mark the lucid beam of reaſon, like a light trembling in a ſocket, or like the flaſh which divides the threatening clouds of angry heaven only to diſplay the horrors which darkneſs ſhrouded.
Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by deſcribing the perſons and manners of theunfortunatebeings, whoſe figures or voices awoke ſympathetic ſorrow in Maria's boſom; and the ſtories ſhe told were the more intereſting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecture ſomething extraordinary. Still Maria, accuſtomed to generalize her obſervations, was led to conclude from all ſhe heard, that it was a vulgar error to ſuppoſethat people of abilities were the moſt apt to loſe the command of reaſon. On the contrary, from moſt of the inſtances ſhe could inveſtigate, ſhe thought it reſulted, that the paſſions only appeared ſtrong and diſproportioned, becauſe the judgment was weak and unexerciſed; and that they gained ſtrength by the decay of reaſon, as the ſhadows lengthen during the ſun's decline.
Maria impatiently wiſhed to ſee her fellow-ſufferer; but Darnford was ſtill more earneſt to obtain an interview. Accuſtomed to ſubmit to every impulſe of paſſion, and never taught, like women, to reſtrain the moſt natural, and acquire, inſtead of the bewitching frankneſs of nature, a factitious propriety of behaviour, every deſire became a torrent that bore down all oppoſition.
His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had been ſent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principal keeper; who, after receiving the moſt ſolemn promiſe that he would return to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of the houſe, conducted him, in the duſk of the evening, to Maria's room.
Jemima had apprized her charge of the viſit, and ſhe expected with trembling impatience, inſpired by a vague hope that he might again prove her deliverer, to ſee a man who had before reſcued her from oppreſſion. He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate an enthuſiaſt; and, haſtily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which he ſurveyed with apparent emotions of compaſſionate indignation. Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he reſpectfully bowed on it, exclaiming—"This is extraordinary!—again to meet you, and in ſuch circumſtances!" Still, impreſſive as was the coincidence of events which brought them once more together, their full hearts did not overflow.—[54-A]
[And though, after this firſt viſit, they were permitted frequently to repeat their interviews, they were for ſome time employed in] a reſerved converſation, to which all the worldmight have liſtened; excepting, when diſcuſſing ſome literary ſubject, flaſhes of ſentiment, inforced by each relaxing feature, ſeemed to remind them that their minds were already acquainted.
[By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his ſtory.] In a few words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtleſs, extravagant young man; yet, as he deſcribed his faults, they appeared to be the generous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanneſs tarniſhed the luſtre of his youth, nor had the worm of ſelfiſhneſs lurked in the unfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet he tardily acquired the experience neceſſary to guard him againſt future impoſition.
"I ſhall weary you," continued he, "by my egotiſm; and did not powerful emotions draw me to you,"—his eyes gliſtened as he ſpoke, and a trembling ſeemed to run through his manly frame,—"I would not waſte theſe precious moments in talking of myſelf.
"My father and mother were people of faſhion; married by their parents. He was fond of the turf, ſhe of the card-table. I, and two or three other children ſince dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My father and mother had a viſible diſlike to each other, continually diſplayed; the ſervants were of the depraved kind uſually found in the houſes of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I was left to the care of guardians, and ſent to Eton. I never knew the ſweets of domeſtic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolous reſpect at ſchool. I will notdiſguſt you with a recital of the vices of my youth, which can ſcarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I was taught to love by a creature I am aſhamed to mention; and the other women with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a claſs of which you can have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at the theatres; and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not eaſily diſguſted by the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having ſpent, a few years after I was of age, [the whole of] a conſiderable patrimony, excepting a few hundreds, I had norecourſebut to purchaſe a commiſſion in a new-raiſed regiment, deſtined to ſubjugate America. The regret I felt to renounce a life of pleaſure, was counter-balanced by the curioſity I had to ſeeAmerica, or rather to travel; [nor had any of thoſe circumſtances occurred to my youth, which might have been calculated] to bind my country to my heart. I ſhall not trouble you with the details of a military life. My blood was ſtill kept in motion; till, towards the cloſe of the conteſt, I was wounded and taken priſoner.
"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge from the preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with great avidity, profiting by the converſation of my hoſt, a man of ſound underſtanding. My political ſentiments now underwent a total change; and, dazzled by the hoſpitality of the Americans, I determined to take up my abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my uſual impetuoſity, ſold my commiſſion, andtravelled into the interior parts of the country, to lay out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like the puritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition was there moſt diſguſtingly galling. The only pleaſure wealth afforded, was to make an oſtentatious diſplay of it; for the cultivation of the fine arts, or literature, had not introduced into the firſt circles that poliſh of manners which renders the rich ſo eſſentially ſuperior to the poor in Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in by the Revolution, and the moſt rigid principles of religion ſhaken to the centre, before the underſtanding could be gradually emancipated from the prejudices which led their anceſtors undauntedly to ſeek an inhoſpitable clime and unbroken ſoil. The reſolution, that led them, in purſuit of independence, to embark on rivers like ſeas, to ſearch for unknown ſhores, and to ſleep under the hovering miſts of endleſs foreſts, whoſe baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercial ſpeculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in the hiſtory of the human mind—a head enthuſiaſtically enterpriſing, with cold ſelfiſhneſs of heart. And woman, lovely woman!—they charm every where—ſtill there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taſte and eaſe in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in ſpite of their roſes and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In the country, they have often a bewitching ſimplicity of character; but, in the cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies whogive the tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They are fond of their ornaments, merely becauſe they are good, and not becauſe they embelliſh their perſons; and are more gratified to inſpire the women with jealouſy of theſe exterior advantages, than the men with love. All the frivolity which often (excuſe me, Madam) renders the ſociety of modeſt women ſo ſtupid in England, here ſeemed to throw ſtill more leaden fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I could only keep myſelf awake in their company by making downright love to them.
"But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of land which I had purchaſed in the country, and my time paſſed pleaſantly enoughwhile I cut down the trees, built my houſe, and planted my different crops. But winter and idleneſs came, and I longed for more elegant ſociety, to hear what was paſſing in the world, and to do ſomething better than vegetate with the animals that made a very conſiderable part of my houſehold. Conſequently, I determined to travel. Motion was a ſubſtitute for variety of objects; and, paſſing over immenſe tracks of country, I exhauſted my exuberant ſpirits, without obtaining much experience. I every where ſaw induſtry the fore-runner and not the conſequence, of luxury; but this country, every thing being on an ample ſcale, did not afford thoſe pictureſque views, which a certain degree of cultivation is neceſſary gradually to produce. The eye wandered without an object to fix upon over immeaſureable plains, and lakes that ſeemed repleniſhed by the ocean, whilſt eternal foreſts of ſmall cluſtering trees, obſtructed the circulation of air, and embarraſſed the path, without gratifying the eye of taſte. No cottage ſmiling in the waſte, no travellers hailed us, to give life to ſilent nature; or, if perchance we ſaw the print of a footſtep in our path, it was a dreadful warning to turn aſide; and the head ached as if aſſailed by the ſcalping knife. The Indians who hovered on the ſkirts of the European ſettlements had only learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they ſtole their guns from them to do it with more ſafety.
"From the woods and back ſettlements, I returned to the towns, and learned to eat and drink moſt valiantly; but without entering into commerce(and I deteſted commerce) I found I could not live there; and, growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar ariſtocracy, ſeated on her bags of dollars, I reſolved once more to viſit Europe. I wrote to a diſtant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, mentioning the veſſel in which I intended to ſail. Arriving in London, my ſenſes were intoxicated. I ran from ſtreet to ſtreet, from theatre to theatre, and the women of the town (again I muſt beg pardon for my habitual frankneſs) appeared to me like angels.
"A week was ſpent in this thoughtleſs manner, when, returning very late to the hotel in which I had lodged ever ſince my arrival, I was knocked down in a private ſtreet, and hurried, in a ſtate of inſenſibility, into a coach, whichbrought me hither, and I only recovered my ſenſes to be treated like one who had loſt them. My keepers are deaf to my remonſtrances and enquiries, yet aſſure me that my confinement ſhall not laſt long. Still I cannot gueſs, though I weary myſelf with conjectures, why I am confined, or in what part of England this houſe is ſituated. I imagine ſometimes that I hear the ſea roar, and wiſhed myſelf again on the Atlantic, till I had a glimpſe of you[65-A]."
A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative,when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, ſtill beginning," taſk of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, and feeling them reverberate on her heart.
FOOTNOTES:[54-A]The copy which had received the author's laſt corrections, breaks off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are printed from a copy in a leſs finiſhed ſtate.[65-A]The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former inſtance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has occaſioned the omiſſion of any alluſion to that circumſtance in the preceding narration.editor.
[54-A]The copy which had received the author's laſt corrections, breaks off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are printed from a copy in a leſs finiſhed ſtate.
[54-A]The copy which had received the author's laſt corrections, breaks off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are printed from a copy in a leſs finiſhed ſtate.
[65-A]The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former inſtance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has occaſioned the omiſſion of any alluſion to that circumſtance in the preceding narration.editor.
[65-A]The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former inſtance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has occaſioned the omiſſion of any alluſion to that circumſtance in the preceding narration.
editor.
Pity, and the forlorn ſeriouſneſs of adverſity, have both been conſidered as diſpoſitions favourable to love, while ſatirical writers have attributed the propenſity to the relaxing effect ofidleneſs,what chance then had Maria of eſcaping, when pity, ſorrow, and ſolitude all conſpired to ſoften her mind, and nouriſh romantic wiſhes, and, from a natural progreſs, romantic expectations?
Maria was ſix-and-twenty. But, ſuch was the native ſoundneſs of her conſtitution, that time had only given to her countenance the character of her mind. Revolving thought, and exerciſed affections had baniſhed ſome ofthe playful graces of innocence, producing inſenſibly that irregularity of features which the ſtruggles of the underſtanding to trace or govern the ſtrong emotions of the heart, are wont to imprint on the yielding maſs. Grief and care had mellowed, without obſcuring, the bright tints of youth, and the thoughtfulneſs which reſided on her brow did not take from the feminine ſoftneſs of her features; nay, ſuch was the ſenſibility which often mantled over it, that ſhe frequently appeared, like a large proportion of her ſex, only born to feel; and the activity of her well-proportioned, and even almoſt voluptuous figure, inſpired the idea of ſtrength of mind, rather than of body. There was a ſimplicity ſometimes indeed in her manner, which bordered on infantine ingenuouſneſs, that led people of common diſcernment to underrate her talents, and ſmile at the flights of her imagination. But thoſe who could not comprehend the delicacy of her ſentiments, were attached by her unfailing ſympathy, ſo that ſhe was very generally beloved by characters of very different deſcriptions; ſtill, ſhe was too much under the influence of an ardent imagination to adhere to common rules.
There are miſtakes of conduct which at five-and-twenty prove the ſtrength of the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, would demonſtrate its weakneſs, its incapacity to acquire a ſane judgment. The youths who are ſatiſfied with the ordinary pleaſures of life, and do not ſigh after ideal phantoms of love and friendſhip, will never arrive at great maturity of underſtanding; but if theſe reveries are cheriſhed, as is too frequentlythe caſe with women, when experience ought to have taught them in what human happineſs conſiſts, they become as uſeleſs as they are wretched. Beſides, their pains and pleaſures are ſo dependent on outward circumſtances, on the objects of their affections, that they ſeldom act from the impulſe of a nerved mind, able to chooſe its own purſuit.
Having had to ſtruggle inceſſantly with the vices of mankind, Maria's imagination found repoſe in pourtraying the poſſible virtues the world might contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory maid, and longed for an informing ſoul. She, on the contrary, combined all the qualities of a hero's mind, and fate preſented a ſtatue in which ſhe might enſhrine them.
We mean not to trace the progreſs of this paſſion, or recount how oftenDarnford and Maria were obliged to part in the midſt of an intereſting converſation. Jemima ever watched on the tip-toe of fear, and frequently ſeparated them on a falſe alarm, when they would have given worlds to remain a little longer together.
A magic lamp now ſeemed to be ſuſpended in Maria's priſon, and fairy landſcapes flitted round the gloomy walls, late ſo blank. Ruſhing from the depth of deſpair, on the ſeraph wing of hope, ſhe found herſelf happy.—She was beloved, and every emotion was rapturous.
To Darnford ſhe had not ſhown a decided affection; the fear of outrunning his, a ſure proof of love, made her often aſſume a coldneſs and indifference foreign from her character; and, even when giving way to the playful emotions of aheart juſt looſened from the frozen bond of grief, there was a delicacy in her manner of expreſſing her ſenſibility, which made him doubt whether it was the effect of love.
One evening, when Jemima left them, to liſten to the ſound of a diſtant footſtep, which ſeemed cautiouſly to approach, he ſeized Maria's hand—it was not withdrawn. They converſed with earneſtneſs of their ſituation; and, during the converſation, he once or twice gently drew her towards him. He felt the fragrance of her breath, and longed, yet feared, to touch the lips from which it iſſued; ſpirits of purity ſeemed to guard them, while all the enchanting graces of love ſported on her cheeks, and languiſhed in her eyes.
Jemima entering, he reflected on his diffidence with poignant regret, and,ſhe once more taking alarm, he ventured, as Maria ſtood near his chair, to approach her lips with a declaration of love. She drew back with ſolemnity, he hung down his head abaſhed; but lifting his eyes timidly, they met her's; ſhe had determined, during that inſtant, and ſuffered their rays to mingle. He took, with more ardour, reaſſured, a half-conſenting, half-reluctant kiſs, reluctant only from modeſty; and there was a ſacredneſs in her dignified manner of reclining her glowing face on his ſhoulder, that powerfully impreſſed him. Deſire was loſt in more ineffable emotions, and to protect her from inſult and ſorrow—to make her happy, ſeemed not only the firſt wiſh of his heart, but the moſt noble duty of his life. Such angelic confidence demanded the fidelity of honour; but could he, feeling her in every pulſation, could he ever change, could he be a villain? The emotion with which ſhe, for a moment, allowed herſelf to be preſſed to his boſom, the tear of rapturous ſympathy, mingled with a ſoft melancholy ſentiment of recollected diſappointment, ſaid—more of truth and faithfulneſs, than the tongue could have given utterance to in hours! They were ſilent—yet diſcourſed, how eloquently? till, after a moment's reflection, Maria drew her chair by the ſide of his, and, with a compoſed ſweetneſs of voice, and ſupernatural benignity of countenance, ſaid, "I muſt open my whole heart to you; you muſt be told who I am, why I am here, and why, telling you I am a wife, I bluſh not to"—the bluſh ſpoke the reſt.
Jemima was again at her elbow, andthe reſtraint of her preſence did not prevent an animated converſation, in which love, ſly urchin, was ever at bo-peep.
So much of heaven did they enjoy, that paradiſe bloomed around them; or they, by a powerful ſpell, had been tranſported into Armida's garden. Love, the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elyſium," and every ſenſe was harmonized to joy and ſocial extacy. So animated, indeed, were their accents of tenderneſs, in diſcuſſing what, in other circumſtances, would have been common-place ſubjects, that Jemima felt, with ſurpriſe, a tear of pleaſure trickling down her rugged cheeks. She wiped it away, half aſhamed; and when Maria kindly enquired the cauſe, with all the eager ſolicitude of a happy being wiſhing to impart to all nature itsoverflowing felicity, Jemima owned that it was the firſt tear that ſocial enjoyment had ever drawn from her. She ſeemed indeed to breathe more freely; the cloud of ſuſpicion cleared away from her brow; ſhe felt herſelf, for once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature.
Imagination! who can paint thy power; or reflect the evaneſcent tints of hope foſtered by thee? A deſpondent gloom had long obſcured Maria's horizon—now the ſun broke forth, the rainbow appeared, and every proſpect was fair. Horror ſtill reigned in the darkened cells, ſuſpicion lurked in the paſſages, and whiſpered along the walls. The yells of men poſſeſſed, ſometimes made them pauſe, and wonder that they felt ſo happy, in a tomb of living death. They even chid themſelves for ſuch apparent inſenſibility; ſtill the world contained not three happier beings. And Jemima, after again patrolling the paſſage, was ſo ſoftened by the air of confidence which breathed around her, that ſhe voluntarily began an account of herſelf.
"Myfather," ſaid Jemima, "ſeduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whom he lived fellow-ſervant; and ſhe no ſooner perceived the natural, the dreaded conſequence, than the terrible conviction flaſhed on her—that ſhe was ruined. Honeſty, and a regard for her reputation, had been the only principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been ſo forcibly impreſſed, that ſhe feared ſhame, more than the poverty to which it would lead. Her inceſſant importunities to prevail upon my father to ſcreen her from reproach by marrying her, as he had promiſed in the fervour of ſeduction, eſtranged him from her ſo completely, that her very perſonbecame diſtaſteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as deſpiſe me, before I was born.
"My mother, grieved to the ſoul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, actually reſolved to famiſh herſelf; and injured her health by the attempt; though ſhe had not ſufficient reſolution to adhere to her project, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yet ſorrow, and the methods ſhe adopted to conceal her condition, ſtill doing the work of a houſe-maid, had ſuch an effect on her conſtitution, that ſhe died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous miſtreſs had forced her to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a ſlight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place—allowed by the mother of ſix children, who, ſcarcely permitting a footſtep tobe heard, during her month's indulgence, felt no ſympathy for the poor wretch, denied every comfort required by her ſituation.
"The day my mother died, the ninth after my birth, I was conſigned to the care of the cheapeſt nurſe my father could find; who ſuckled her own child at the ſame time, and lodged as many more as ſhe could get, in two cellar-like apartments.
"Poverty, and the habit of ſeeing children die off her hands, had ſo hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken the tenderneſs of a woman; nor were the feminine careſſes which ſeem a part of the rearing of a child, ever beſtowed on me. The chicken has a wing to ſhelter under; but I had no boſom to neſtle in, no kindred warmth to foſter me. Leftin dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, and ſleep without ever being prepared by exerciſe, or lulled by kindneſs to reſt; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety babe? Still, in ſpite of neglect, I continued to exiſt, to learn to curſe exiſtence,"her countenance grew ferocious as ſhe ſpoke,"and the treatment that rendered me miſerable, ſeemed to ſharpen my wits. Confined then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the ſucceeding tribe, I looked like a little old woman, or a hag ſhrivelling into nothing. The furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthful cheek, and gave a ſort of ſupernatural wildneſs to the ever watchful eye. During this period, my father had married another fellow-ſervant, who loved him leſs, and knew better how to managehis paſſion, than my mother. She likewiſe proving with child, they agreed to keep a ſhop: my ſtep-mother, if, being an illegitimate offſpring, I may venture thus to characterize her, having obtained a ſum of a rich relation, for that purpoſe.
"Soon after her lying-in, ſhe prevailed on my father to take me home, to ſave the expence of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to aſſiſt her in the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared a knowing little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was brought to her houſe; but not to a home—for a home I never knew. Of this child, a daughter, ſhe was extravagantly fond; and it was a part of my employment, to aſſiſt to ſpoil her, by humouring all her whims, and bearing all her caprices. Feeling herown conſequence, before ſhe could ſpeak, ſhe had learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to reſiſt, I received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was ſent to bed dinnerleſs, as well as ſupperleſs. I ſaid that it was a part of my daily labour to attend this child, with the ſervility of a ſlave; ſtill it was but a part. I was ſent out in all ſeaſons, and from place to place, to carry burdens far above my ſtrength, without being allowed to draw near the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement or kindneſs. No wonder then, treated like a creature of another ſpecies, that I began to envy, and at length to hate, the darling of the houſe. Yet, I perfectly remember, that it was the careſſes, and kind expreſſions of my ſtep-mother, which firſt excited my jealousdiſcontent. Once, I cannot forget it, when ſhe was calling in vain her wayward child to kiſs her, I ran to her, ſaying, 'I will kiſs you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which was in my mouth, ſink, what was my debaſement of ſoul, when puſhed away with—'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had excited the higheſt good humour, and ſhe uttered the appropriatedear, addreſſed unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do enough to pleaſe her; I was all alacrity, and roſe proportionably in my own eſtimation.
"As her daughter grew up, ſhe was pampered with cakes and fruit, while I was, literally ſpeaking, fed with the refuſe of the table, with her leavings. A liquoriſh tooth is, I believe, common to children, and I uſed to ſteal anything ſweet, that I could catch up with a chance of concealment. When detected, ſhe was not content to chaſtize me herſelf at the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he was a ſhopman), the principal diſcourſe was to recount my faults, and attribute them to the wicked diſpoſition which I had brought into the world with me, inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his reſentment on my body, and then ſolaced himſelf by playing with my ſiſter.—I could have murdered her at thoſe moments. To ſave myſelf from theſe unmerciful corrections, I reſorted to falſhood, and the untruths which I ſturdily maintained, were brought in judgment againſt me, to ſupport my tyrant's inhuman charge of my natural propenſity to vice. Seeing me treated withcontempt, and always being fed and dreſſed better, my ſiſter conceived a contemptuous opinion of me, that proved an obſtacle to all affection; and my father, hearing continually of my faults, began to conſider me as a curſe entailed on him for his ſins: he was therefore eaſily prevailed on to bind me apprentice to one of my ſtep-mother's friends, who kept a ſlop-ſhop in Wapping. I was repreſented (as it was ſaid) in my true colours; but ſhe, 'warranted,' ſnapping her fingers, 'that ſhe ſhould break my ſpirit or heart.'
"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make me better, it was ſuch a clever woman as herſelf; though, for her own part, ſhe had tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.'
"I ſhudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now to endure. Not only under the laſh of my taſk-miſtreſs, but the drudge of the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taſte of human kindneſs to ſoften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introduced as an object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom my ſtep-mother, though ſhe had been kind enough to let me live in the houſe with her own child, could make nothing. I was deſcribed as a wretch, whoſe noſe muſt be kept to the grinding ſtone—and it was held there with an iron graſp. It ſeemed indeed the privilege of their ſuperior nature to kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, I was called fawning, if refractory, an obſtinate mule, and like a mule I received their cenſure onmy loaded back. Often has my miſtreſs, for ſome inſtance of forgetfulneſs, thrown me from one ſide of the kitchen to the other, knocked my head againſt the wall, ſpit in my face, with various refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, though they were all acted over again by the ſervant, with additional inſults, to which the appellation ofbaſtard, was commonly added, with taunts or ſneers. But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of my ſituation, leſt you, who probably have never been drenched with the dregs of human miſery, ſhould think I exaggerate.
"I ſtole now, from abſolute neceſſity,—bread; yet whatever elſe was taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was aſcribed to me. I was the filching cat, the ravenous dog, thedumb brute, who muſt bear all; for if I endeavoured to exculpate myſelf, I was ſilenced, without any enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth.' Even the very air I breathed was tainted with ſcorn; for I was ſent to the neighbouring ſhops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on my forehead. This was, at firſt, the moſt bitter puniſhment; but ſullen pride, or a kind of ſtupid deſperation, made me, at length, almoſt regardleſs of the contempt, which had wrung from me ſo many ſolitary tears at the only moments when I was allowed to reſt.
"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my ſixteenth year; and then I have only to point out a change of miſery; for a period I never knew. Allow me firſt to make one obſervation. Now Ilook back, I cannot help attributing the greater part of my miſery, to the miſfortune of having been thrown into the world without the grand ſupport of life—a mother's affection. I had no one to love me; or to make me reſpected, to enable me to acquire reſpect. I was an egg dropped on the ſand; a pauper by nature,ſhuntedfrom family to family, who belonged to nobody—and nobody cared for me. I was deſpiſed from my birth, and denied the chance of obtaining a footing for myſelf in ſociety. Yes; I had not even the chance of being conſidered as a fellow-creature—yet all the people with whom I lived, brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, and the deſpicable ſhifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though they never yearned for me. I was, in fact, born a ſlave, and chainedby infamy to ſlavery during the whole of exiſtence, without having any companions to alleviate it by ſympathy, or teach me how to riſe above it by their example. But, to reſume the thread of my tale—
"At ſixteen, I ſuddenly grew tall, and ſomething like comelineſs appeared on a Sunday, when I had time to waſh my face, and put on clean clothes. My maſter had once or twice caught hold of me in the paſſage; but I inſtinctively avoided his diſguſting careſſes. One day however, when the family were at a methodiſt meeting, he contrived to be alone in the houſe with me, and by blows—yes; blows and menaces, compelled me to ſubmit to his ferocious deſire; and, to avoid my miſtreſs's fury, I was obliged in future to comply, and ſkulk to my loft at his command, in ſpite of increaſing loathing.
"The anguiſh which was now pent up in my boſom, ſeemed to open a new world to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myſelf, and grieve for human miſery, till I diſcovered, with horror—ah! what horror!—that I was with child. I know not why I felt a mixed ſenſation of deſpair and tenderneſs, excepting that, ever called a baſtard, a baſtard appeared to me an object of the greateſt compaſſion in creation.
"I communicated this dreadful circumſtance to my maſter, who was almoſt equally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and public cenſure at the meeting. After ſome weeks of deliberation had elapſed, I in continual fear that my altered ſhapewould be noticed, my maſter gave me a medicine in a phial, which he deſired me to take, telling me, without any circumlocution, for what purpoſe it was deſigned. I burſt into tears, I thought it was killing myſelf—yet was ſuch a ſelf as I worth preſerving? He curſed me for a fool, and left me to my own reflections. I could not reſolve to take this infernal potion; but I wrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box.
"Nobody yet ſuſpected me, becauſe they had been accuſtomed to view me as a creature of another ſpecies. But the threatening ſtorm at laſt broke over my devoted head—never ſhall I forget it! One Sunday evening when I was left, as uſual, to take care of the houſe, my maſter came home intoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extreme intoxication made him forget his cuſtomary caution, and my miſtreſs entered and found us in a ſituation that could not have been more hateful to her than me. Her huſband was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not at the moment, nor had he then much reaſon, for ſhe inſtantly turned the whole force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, ſcratched, kicked, and buffetted me, till ſhe had exhauſted her ſtrength, declaring, as ſhe reſted her arm, 'that I had wheedled her huſband from her.—But, could any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom ſhe had taken into her houſe out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuſe ruſhed out? till, almoſt breathleſs, ſhe concluded with ſaying, 'that I was born a ſtrumpet; it ran in myblood, and nothing good could come to thoſe who harboured me.'
"My ſituation was, of courſe, diſcovered, and ſhe declared that I ſhould not ſtay another night under the ſame roof with an honeſt family. I was therefore puſhed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, when it had been contemptuouſly examined in the paſſage, leſt I ſhould have ſtolen any thing.
"Behold me then in the ſtreet, utterly deſtitute! Whither could I creep for ſhelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not purſued by ſhame—now I ſhrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruel reproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear him curſe the day I was born, though life had been a curſe to me. Of death I thought, but with a confuſedemotion of terror, as I ſtood leaning my head on a poſt, and ſtarting at every footſtep, leſt it ſhould be my miſtreſs coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the ſhop paſſing by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his maſter, to give him a deſcription of my ſituation; and he touched the right key—the ſcandal it would give riſe to, if I were left to repeat my tale to every enquirer. This plea came home to his reaſon, who had been ſobered by his wife's rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out of her reach, and he ſent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, deſiring him to conduct me to a houſe, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuſe of ſociety, nightly lodged.
"This night was ſpent in a ſtate of ſtupefaction, or deſperation. I deteſted mankind, and abhorred myſelf.
"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myſelf in my maſter's way, at his uſual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a b——, declared I had diſturbed the peace of the family, and that he had ſworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me; but, inſtantly returning, he told me that he ſhould ſpeak to his friend, a pariſh-officer, to get a nurſe for the brat I laid to him; and adviſed me, if I wiſhed to keep out of the houſe of correction, not to make free with his name.
"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to deſpair, ſought for the potion that was to procure abortion, and ſwallowed it, with a wiſh that it might deſtroy me, at the ſame time that it ſtopped the ſenſations of new-born life,which I felt with indeſcribable emotion. My head turned round, my heart grew ſick, and in the horrors of approaching diſſolution, mental anguiſh was ſwallowed up. The effect of the medicine was violent, and I was confined to my bed ſeveral days; but, youth and a ſtrong conſtitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to aſk myſelf the cruel queſtion, 'Whither I ſhould go?' I had but two ſhillings left in my pocket, the reſt had been expended, by a poor woman who ſlept in the ſame room, to pay for my lodging, and purchaſe the neceſſaries of which ſhe partook.
"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring ſtreets to beg, and my diſconſolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me ſtill to command a bed; till, recoveringfrom my illneſs, and taught to put on my rags to the beſt advantage, I was accoſted from different motives, and yielded to the deſire of the brutes I met, with the ſame deteſtation that I had felt for my ſtill more brutal maſter. I have ſince read in novels of the blandiſhments of ſeduction, but I had not even the pleaſure of being enticed into vice.
"I ſhall not," interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all the ſcenes of wretchedneſs and depravity, which I was condemned to view; or mark the different ſtages of my debaſing miſery. Fate dragged me through the very kennels of ſociety; I was ſtill a ſlave, a baſtard, a common property. Become familiar with vice, for I wiſh to conceal nothing from you, I picked the pockets of the drunkardswho abuſed me; and proved by my conduct, that I deſerved the epithets, with which they loaded me at moments when diſtruſt ought to ceaſe.
"Deteſting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may ſo uſe the word, my independence, which only conſiſted in chooſing the ſtreet in which I ſhould wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I ſhould hide my head, I was ſome time before I could prevail on myſelf to accept of a place in a houſe of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I had accidentally converſed in the ſtreet, had recommended me. I had been hunted almoſt into a a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town I frequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word to the whole pack. You can ſcarcely conceive the tyranny exerciſed by theſe wretches: conſidering themſelves as the inſtruments of the very laws they violate, the pretext which ſteels their conſcience, hardens their heart. Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of ſociety (let other women talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitouſly as a privilege of office, they extort a tithe of proſtitution, and harraſs with threats the poor creatures whoſe occupation affords not the means to ſilence the growl of avarice. To eſcape from this perſecution, I once more entered into ſervitude.
"A life of comparative regularity reſtored my health; and—do not ſtart—my manners were improved, in a ſituation where vice ſought to render itſelf alluring, and taſte was cultivated to faſhion the perſon, if not to refine the mind. Beſides, the common civility ofſpeech, contraſted with the groſs vulgarity to which I had been accuſtomed, was ſomething like the poliſh of civilization. I was not ſhut out from all intercourſe of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of ſervice, and my miſtreſs often flying into violent fits of paſſion, made me dread a ſudden diſmiſſion, which I underſtood was always the caſe. I was therefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept the offer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his houſe, pleaſantly ſituated in a little village near Hampſtead.
"He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out votary of voluptuouſneſs, his deſires became faſtidious in proportion as they grew weak, and the native tenderneſs of his heart was undermined by a vitiated imagination. A thoughtleſscareerof libertiniſm and ſocial enjoyment, had injured his health to ſuch a degree, that, whatever pleaſure his converſation afforded me (and my eſteem was enſured by proofs of the generous humanity of his diſpoſition), the being his miſtreſs was purchaſing it at a very dear rate. With ſuch a keen perception of the delicacies of ſentiment, with an imagination invigorated by the exerciſe of genius, how could he ſink into the groſſneſs of ſenſuality!
"But, to paſs over a ſubject which I recollect with pain, I muſt remark to you, as an anſwer to your often-repeated queſtion, 'Why my ſentiments and language were ſuperior to my ſtation?' that I now began to read, to beguile the tediouſneſs of ſolitude, and to gratify an inquiſitive, active mind. Ihad often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-ſinger, to hear the ſequel of a diſmal ſtory, though ſure of being ſeverely puniſhed for delaying to return with whatever I was ſent to purchaſe. I could juſt ſpell and put a ſentence together, and I liſtened to the various arguments, though often mingled with obſcenity, which occurred at the table where I was allowed to preſide: for a literary friend or two frequently came home with my maſter, to dine and paſs the night. Having loſt the privileged reſpect of my ſex, my preſence, inſtead of reſtraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; ſtill I had the advantage of hearing diſcuſſions, from which, in the common courſe of life, women are excluded.
"You may eaſily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I could comprehend ſome of the ſubjects they inveſtigated, or acquire from their reaſoning what might be termed a moral ſenſe. But my fondneſs of reading increaſing, and my maſter occaſionally ſhutting himſelf up in this retreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities of improvement. At firſt, conſidering moneyI was right!" (exclaimed Jemima, altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loſs of reputation, of obtaining reſpect, or even the toleration of humanity, I had not the leaſt ſcruple to ſecrete a part of the ſums intruſted to me, and to ſcreen myſelf from detection by a ſyſtem of falſhood. But, acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returning to the reſpectable part of ſociety, and was weak enough to ſuppoſe it poſſible. The attention of my unaſſuming inſtructor, who, without being ignorant of his own powers, poſſeſſed great ſimplicity of manners, ſtrengthened the illuſion. Having ſometimes caught up hints for thought, from my untutored remarks, he often led me to diſcuſs the ſubjects he was treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to their publication, wiſhing to profit by the criticiſm of unſophiſticated feeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the ſimple ſprings of the heart; for he deſpiſed the would-be oracles, the ſelf-elected philoſophers, who fright away fancy, while ſifting each grain of thought to prove that ſlowneſs of comprehenſion is wiſdom.
"I ſhould have diſtinguiſhed this as a moment of ſunſhine, a happy period in my life, had not the repugnance the diſguſting libertiniſm of my protectorinſpired, daily become more painful.—And, indeed, I ſoon did recollect it as ſuch with agony, when his ſudden death (for he had recourſe to the moſt exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial tone of his ſpirits) again threw me into the deſert of human ſociety. Had he had any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the little property in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy in town, his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to take poſſeſſion of the houſe and effects, before I was even informed of his death,—'to prevent,' as ſhe took care indirectly to tell me, 'ſuch a creature as ſhe ſuppoſed me to be, from purloining any of them, had I been apprized of the event in time.'
"The grief I felt at the ſuddenſhock the information gave me, which at firſt had nothing ſelfiſh in it, was treated with contempt, and I was ordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me by the generous deceaſed, were conteſted, while they piouſly hoped, with a reprobating ſhake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on his ſinful ſoul!' With ſome difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages; but aſking—ſuch is the ſpirit-grinding conſequence of poverty and infamy—for a character for honeſty and economy, which God knows I merited, I was told by this—why muſt I call her woman?—'that it would go againſt her conſcience to recommend a kept miſtreſs.' Tears ſtarted in my eyes, burning tears; for there are ſituations in which a wretchis humbled by the contempt they are conſcious they do not deſerve.
"I returned to the metropolis; but the ſolitude of a poor lodging was inconceivably dreary, after the ſociety I had enjoyed. To be cut off from human converſe, now I had been taught to reliſh it, was to wander a ghoſt among the living. Beſides, I foreſaw, to aggravate the ſeverity of my fate, that my little pittance would ſoon melt away. I endeavoured to obtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my hands being rendered clumſy by hard work, I did not ſufficiently excel to be employed by the ready-made linen ſhops, when ſo many women, better qualified, were ſuing for it. The want of a character prevented my getting a place; for, irkſome as ſervitude would have been to me, I ſhouldhave made another trial, had it been feaſible. Not that I diſliked employment, but the inequality of condition to which I muſt have ſubmitted. I had acquired a taſte for literature, during the five years I had lived with a literary man, occaſionally converſing with men of the firſt abilities of the age; and now to deſcend to the loweſt vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedneſs not to be imagined unfelt. I had not, it is true, taſted the charms of affection, but I had been familiar with the graces of humanity.
"One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while I was treated like a companion, met me in the ſtreet, and enquired after my health. I ſeized the occaſion, and began to deſcribe my ſituation; but he was in haſte to join, at dinner,a ſelect party of choice ſpirits; therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatiently put a guinea into my hand, ſaying, 'It was a pity ſuch a ſenſible woman ſhould be in diſtreſs—he wiſhed me well from his ſoul.'
"To another I wrote, ſtating my caſe, and requeſting advice. He was an advocate for unequivocal ſincerity; and had often, in my preſence, deſcanted on the evils which ariſe in ſociety from the deſpotiſm of rank and riches.
"In reply, I received a long eſſay on the energy of the human mind, with continual alluſions to his own force of character. He added, 'That the woman who could write ſuch a letter as I had ſent him, could never be in want of reſources, were ſhe to look into herſelf, and exert her powers; miſery was the conſequence of indolence, and, asto my being ſhut out from ſociety, it was the lot of man to ſubmit to certain privations.'
"How often have I heard," ſaid Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "in converſation, and read in books, that every perſon willing to work may find employment? It is the vague aſſertion, I believe, of inſenſible indolence, when it relates to men; but, with reſpect to women, I am ſure of its fallacy, unleſs they will ſubmit to the moſt menial bodily labour; and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach of many, whoſe reputation miſfortune or folly has tainted.
"How writers, profeſſing to be friends to freedom, and the improvement of morals, can aſſert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine."
"No more can I," interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate on the peculiar happineſs of indigence, though in what it can conſiſt, excepting in brutal reſt, when a man can barely earn a ſubſiſtence, I cannot imagine. The mind is neceſſarily impriſoned in its own little tenement; and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time to rove abroad for improvement. The book of knowledge is cloſely claſped, againſt thoſe who muſt fulfil their daily taſk of ſevere manual labour or die; and curioſity, rarely excited by thought or information, ſeldom moves on the ſtagnate lake of ignorance."
"As far as I have been able to obſerve," replied Jemima, "prejudices, caught up by chance, are obſtinately maintained by the poor, to the excluſion of improvement; they have not time to reaſon or reflect to any extent,or minds ſufficiently exerciſed to adopt the principles of action, which form perhaps the only baſis of contentment in every ſtation[114-A]."
"And independence," ſaid Darnford, "they are neceſſarily ſtrangers to, even the independence of deſpiſing their perſecutors. If the poor are happy, or can be happy,things are very well as they are. And I cannot conceive on what principle thoſe writers contend for a change of ſyſtem, who ſupport this opinion. The authors on the other ſide of the queſtion are much more conſiſtent, who grant the fact; yet, inſiſting that it is the lot of the majorityto be oppreſſed in this life, kindly turn them over to another, to rectify the falſe weights and meaſures of this, as the only way to juſtify the diſpenſations of Providence. I have not," continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmly fixed by obſervation in my mind, than that, though riches may fail to produce proportionate happineſs, poverty moſt commonly excludes it, by ſhutting up all the avenues to improvement."
"And as for the affections," added Maria, with a ſigh, "how groſs, and even tormenting do they become, unleſs regulated by an improving mind! The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of the mind. But pray go on," addreſſing Jemima, "though your narrative gives riſe to the moſt painful reflections on the preſent ſtate of ſociety."
"Not to trouble you," continued ſhe, "with a detailed deſcription of all the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, that at laſt I got recommended to waſh in a few families, who did me the favour to admit me into their houſes, without the moſt ſtrict enquiry, to waſh from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen or twenty-pence a day. On the happineſs to be enjoyed over a waſhing-tub I need not comment; yet you will allow me to obſerve, that this was a wretchedneſs of ſituation peculiar to my ſex. A man with half my induſtry, and, I may ſay, abilities, could have procured a decent livelihood, and diſcharged ſome of the duties which knit mankind together; whilſt I, who had acquired a taſte for the rational, nay, in honeſt pride let me aſſert it, thevirtuous enjoyments of life, was caſt aſide as the filth of ſociety. Condemned to labour, like a machine, only to earn bread, and ſcarcely that, I became melancholy and deſperate.
"I have now to mention a circumſtance which fills me with remorſe, and fear it will entirely deprive me of your eſteem. A tradeſman became attached to me, and viſited me frequently,—and I at laſt obtained ſuch a power over him, that he offered to take me home to his houſe.—Conſider, dear madam, I was famiſhing: wonder not that I became a wolf!—The only reaſon for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the houſe, with child by him—and this girl—I adviſed him—yes, I did! would I could forget it!—to turn out of doors: and one night he determined to follow my advice, Poorwretch! ſhe fell upon her knees, reminded him that he had promiſed to marry her, that her parents were honeſt!—What did it avail?—She was turned out.
"She approached her father's door, in the ſkirts of London,—liſtened at the ſhutters,—but could not knock. A watchman had obſerved her go and return ſeveral times—Poor wretch!—"The remorſe Jemima ſpoke of, ſeemed to be ſtinging her to the ſoul, as ſhe proceeded."
"She left it, and, approaching a tub where horſes were watered, ſhe ſat down in it, and, with deſperate reſolution, remained in that attitude—till reſolution was no longer neceſſary!
"I happened that morning to be going out to waſh, anticipating the moment when I ſhould eſcape fromſuch hard labour. I paſſed by, juſt as ſome men, going to work, drew out the ſtiff, cold corpſe—Let me not recal the horrid moment!—I recognized her pale viſage; I liſtened to the tale told by the ſpectators, and my heart did not burſt. I thought of my own ſtate, and wondered how I could be ſuch a monſter!—I worked hard; and, returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I ſuffered both in body and mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did not try me; he left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the waſh-tub.
"Still this ſtate, miſerable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Lifting one day a heavy load, a tub fell againſt my ſhin, and gave me great pain. I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a ſerious wound; beingobliged to work as uſual, or ſtarve. But, finding myſelf at length unable to ſtand for any time, I thought of getting into an hoſpital. Hoſpitals, it ſhould ſeem (for they are comfortleſs abodes for the ſick) were expreſſly endowed for the reception of the friendleſs; yet I, who had on that plea a right to aſſiſtance, wanted the recommendation of the rich and reſpectable, and was ſeveral weeks languiſhing for admittance; fees were demanded on entering; and, what was ſtill more unreaſonable, ſecurity for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the charity. A guinea was the ſtipulated ſum—I could as ſoon have raiſed a million; and I was afraid to apply to the pariſh for an order, leſt they ſhould have paſſed me, I knew not whither. The poor woman at whoſe houſe I lodged, compaſſionating my ſtate, got me intothe hoſpital; and the family where I received the hurt, ſent me five ſhillings, three and ſix-pence of which I gave at my admittance—I know not for what.
"My leg grew quickly better; but I was diſmiſſed before my cure was completed, becauſe I could not afford to have my linen waſhed to appear decently, as the virago of a nurſe ſaid, when the gentlemen (the ſurgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchedneſs of an hoſpital; every thing is left to the care of people intent on gain. The attendants ſeem to have loſt all feeling of compaſſion in the buſtling diſcharge of their offices; death is ſo familiar to them, that they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to be conducted for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, who came to makeexperiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. One of the phyſicians, I muſt not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and ordered me ſome wine, when I was at the loweſt ebb. I thought of making my caſe known to the lady-like matron; but her forbidding countenance prevented me. She condeſcended to look on the patients, and make general enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurſes knew the hour when the viſit of ceremony would commence, and every thing was as it ſhould be.
"After my diſmiſſion, I was more at a loſs than ever for a ſubſiſtence, and, not to weary you with a repetition of the ſame unavailing attempts, unable to ſtand at the waſhing-tub, I began to conſider the rich and poor as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now ceaſe to reaſon, but I hated mankind. I deſpiſed myſelf, yet I juſtified my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to ſix months' impriſonment in a houſe of correction. My ſoul recoils with horror from the remembrance of the inſults I had to endure, till, branded with ſhame, I was turned looſe in the ſtreet, pennyleſs. I wandered from ſtreet to ſtreet, till, exhauſted by hunger and fatigue, I ſunk down ſenſeleſs at a door, where I had vainly demanded a morſel of bread. I was ſent by the inhabitant to the work-houſe, to which he had ſurlily bid me go, ſaying, he 'paid enough in conſcience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I implored his charity. If thoſe well-meaning people who exclaim againſt beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive inmany of theſe wretched aſylums, they would not ſtifle ſo eaſily involuntary ſympathy, by ſaying that they have all pariſhes to go to, or wonder that the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of work-houſes, but priſons, in which many reſpectable old people, worn out by immoderate labour, ſink into the grave in ſorrow, to which they are carried like dogs!"
Alarmed by ſome indiſtinct noiſe, Jemima roſe haſtily to liſten, and Maria, turning to Darnford, ſaid, "I have indeed been ſhocked beyond expreſſion when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the ſhoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination might eaſily convert into a band of aſſaſſins, haſtening to conceal the corpſe, and quarrelling about theprey on their way. I know it is of little conſequence how we are conſigned to the earth; but I am led by this brutal inſenſibility, to what even the animal creation appears forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deſerted manner in which they died."
"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of the diſtreſſed, never let them boaſt of charity. Let them open their hearts, and not their purſes, and employ their minds in the ſervice, if they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable inſtitutions will always be the prey of the loweſt order of knaves."
Jemima returning, ſeemed in haſte to finiſh her tale. "The overſeer farmed the poor of different pariſhes,and out of the bowels of poverty was wrung the money with which he purchaſed this dwelling, as a private receptacle for madneſs. He had been a keeper at a houſe of the ſame deſcription, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in his old occupation. He is a ſhrewd—ſhall I ſay it?—villain. He obſerved ſomething reſolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and inſtruct me how to treat the diſturbed minds he meant to intruſt to my care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouſe, was not to be deſpiſed, though the condition of ſhutting my eyes and hardening my heart was annexed to it.
"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many wretches, and"—ſhe loweredher voice,—"the witneſs of many enormities. In ſolitude my mind ſeemed to recover its force, and many of the ſentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, returned with their full force. Still what ſhould induce me to be the champion for ſuffering humanity?—Who ever riſked any thing for me?—Who ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"—
Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindneſs than ſhe had ever been by cruelty, haſtened out of the room to conceal her emotions.
Darnford ſoon after heard his ſummons, and, taking leave of him, Maria promiſed to gratify his curioſity, with reſpect to herſelf, the firſt opportunity.