"I bet yer I would be stuck, Abe," Morris agreed. "But I ain't going to let no grass grow on me, Abe. I will put in an ad. in every paper in New York this afternoon, and I'll keep it up till I sell the house."
"Maybe that wouldn't be necessary, Mawruss," Abe said, with a twinkle in his eye.
"What d'ye mean?" Morris asked.
Whereupon, Abe unfolded at great length his adventures of the day, beginning with his meeting B. Rashkin at the Real-Estate Exchange, and concluding with Mr. Marks' penciled memorandum of Morris' address.
"And now, Mawruss," Abe concluded, "you seen the position what I took it, and when that feller Marks calls at your house to-night you should be careful and not make no cracks. Remember, Mawruss, you got to tell him that as a partner I am a crank and a regular highbinder. Also, Mawruss, you got to tell him that if I wasn't held by a copartnership agreement I would do you for your shirt, y'understand?"
Morris nodded.
"I know you should, Abe," he said.
"What!" Abe roared.
"I mean I know I should," Morris explained; "I know I should tell this here Marks what you say."
Abe grew calm immediately, but he left further tactics to Morris' discretion; and when Mr. Marks called at the latter's house that evening Morris showed that he possessed that discretion to a degree hardly equaled by his partner.
"Yes, Mr. Marks," he said, after he had seated his visitor in the easiest chair in the front parlor and had supplied him with a good cigar, "it is true that I got it a house and that the house is on the market for sale."
He paused and nodded sadly.
"But I also got it a partner, Mr. Marks, and no doubt you heard already what a cutthroat that feller is. I assure you, Mr. Marks, that feller goes to work and gets an option on the house next door which you know is identical the same like my house is. Yes, Mr. Marks, he gets an option on that house for forty-seven thousand five hundred dollars from the feller what owns it, when he knows I am already negotiating to sell my house for forty-seven seven-fifty."
This willful misstatement of the amount of the option produced the desired result.
"Did you seen it the option?" Marks asked cautiously.
"Well, no, I ain't seen it, but I heard it on good authority, Mr. Marks," he said, and allowed himself two bars' rest, as the musicians say, for the phrase to sink in.
"Yes, Mr. Marks, on good authority I heard it that Potash pays five hundred dollars for a two-weeks' option at forty-seven thousand five hundred dollars."
"Forty-seven thousand five hundred dollars?" Marks said with a rising inflection.
"Forty-seven thousand five hundred," Morris replied blandly, "and I guess he got a pretty cheap house, too."
"Well, I ain't got the same opinion what you got," Marks retorted. "I got an opinion, Mr. Perlmutter, that your partner pays a thousand dollars too much for his house."
"Is that so?" Morris replied, and then and there began a three-hours' session which terminated when they struck a bargain at forty-seven thousand dollars. Ten minutes later Marks left with a written memorandum of the terms of sale on his person while Morris pocketed a similar memorandum and fifty dollars earnest money.
The next morning an executory contract of sale was signed in Henry D. Feldman's office, and precisely two weeks later Mr. Marks took title to Morris' property which, after deducting all expenditures, netted its builder a profit of almost two thousand dollars. This sum Morris deposited to the credit of the firm account of Potash & Perlmutter, and hardly had the certified check been dispatched to the Kosciusko Bank when the door opened and Rashkin and Ferdy Rothschild burst into the show-room.
"Bloodsucker!" Rashkin cried, shaking his fist under Abe's nose. "What for you didn't take up your option?"
Abe stepped back hurriedly and put a sample table between himself and B. Rashkin.
"Must I take it up the option?" he said calmly. "Couldn't I let you keep it the four hundred dollars if I wanted to?"
Rashkin looked at Ferdy Rothschild.
"That's a fine murderer for you. What?" he exclaimed.
"Him, I ain't surprised about," Ferdy Rothschild replied, "but when a feller should do his own wife's brother out of a commission of four hundred and sixty-five dollars, Rashkin, what a heart he must have it. Like a piece of steel."
"Don't talk that way, Ferdy," Morris commented, without emotion. "You make me feel bad. I got lots of consideration for you, Ferdy, after the way you treated me already. Yes, Ferdy, I think a whole lot of you, Ferdy. You could come to me with your tongue hanging out from hunger yet, and I wouldn't lift a little finger."
Ferdy turned and appealed to B. Rashkin.
"Ain't them fine words to hear from my own brother-in-law?" he said.
"Nobody compels you to stay here and listen to 'em, Rothschild," Abe interrupted. "And, anyhow, Rothschild, you could make it more money if instead you stayed here you would go downtown to HenryD. Feldman's office and sue this here Rashkin in the courts for your commission. I was telling Feldman all about it this morning, and he says you got it a good case."
"Rothschild," Rashkin cried pleadingly, "where are you going?"
"You shouldn't talk to me," Rothschild answered. "Potash is right. I brought this here Marks to you and he was ready and willing to purchase at your terms, and so, therefore, you owe me a commission of four hundred and sixty-five dollars."
The next moment he banged the door behind him and five minutes later he was followed by B. Rashkin, who had filled that short space of time with an exhaustive and profane denunciation of Potash & Perlmutter, individually and as copartners.
Five days afterward Morris examined the list of real-estate conveyances in the morning paper, after the fashion of the reformed race-track gambler who occasionally consults the past performances of the day's entries.
He handed the paper to Abe and pointed his finger to the following item:
264th St. 2044 East 37.6 x 100.10; Baruch Rashkin to the Royal Piccadilly Realty Co. (mtg $33,000), $100.
"That's only a fake," Abe said. "I seen in the paper yesterday that Rashkin incorporated the Royal Piccadilly Realty Company with his wife, Goldie Rashkin, as president; and I guess he done it becausehe got scared that Rothschild would get a judgment against him. And so he transfers the house to the corporation."
"But if he does that, Abe," Morris cried gleefully, "Ferdy Rothschild would never collect on that judgment, because that house is all the property Rashkin's got."
"I hope you don't feel bad about it, Mawruss," Abe said.
"I bet yer I feel terrible, Abe," Morris said ironically. "But why did Rashkin call it the Royal Piccadilly Realty Company, Abe?"
"For the sake of old times yet," Abe answered. "I hear it from Sol Klinger that before Rashkin busted up in the waist business he used to make up a garment called the Royal Piccadilly."
"Is that so?" Morris commented. "I never heard he busted up in the waist business, Abe. Why couldn't he make a go of it, Abe?"
"Well, Mawruss, it was the same trouble with him like with some other people, I know," Abe replied significantly. "He was a good manufacturer but a poor salesman; and you know as well as I do, Mawruss, any fool could make up an article, Mawruss, but it takes a feller with judgment to sell it."
"Did the sponger send up them doctors yet?" said Morris with a far-away look in his bloodshot eyes, as he entered his place of business at half past seven one morning in March.
"Doctors?" Abe repeated. "What are you talking about—doctors?"
Morris snapped his fingers impatiently.
"Doctors! Hear me talk!" he cried. "I meant kerseys."
"Listen here, Mawruss," Abe suggested. "What's the use you monkeying with business to-day? Why don't you go home?"
"Me, I don't take things so particular, Abe," Morris replied. "Time enough when I got to go home, then I will go home."
"You could do what you please, Mawruss," Abe declared. "We ain't so busy now that you couldn't be spared, y'understand. With spring weather like we got it now, Mawruss, we could better sell arctic overshoes and raincoats as try to get rid of our line already. I tell you the truth, Mawruss, I ain't seen business soschlechtsince way before the Spanish War already."
"We could always findsomethingto do, Abe," said Morris. "Why don't you tell Miss Cohen to get out them statements which you was talking about?"
"That's a good idee, Mawruss," Abe agreed. "Half the time we don't know where we are at at all. Big concerns get out what they call a balancing sheet every day yet, and we are lucky if we do it oncet a year already. How long do you think it would take her to finish 'em up, Mawruss?"
The far-away look returned to Morris' eyes as he replied. "I am waiting for a telephone every minute, Abe," he said.
Abe stared indignantly at his partner, then he took a cigar out of his waistcoat pocket and handed it to Morris.
"Go and sit down and smoke this, Mawruss," he said. "Leon Sammet gives it to me in the subway this morning, and if it's anything like them souvenirs which he hands it out to his customers, it'll make you forget your troubles, Mawruss. The last time I smoked one, I couldn't remember nothing for a week."
Morris carefully cut off the end of Abe's gift with a penknife, but when he struck a match the telephone bell rang sharply. Immediately he threw the cigar and the lighted match to the floor and dashed wildly to the firm's office.
"Do you got to burn the place up yet?" Abe cried, and after he had extinguished the match with his foot, he followed his partner to the office in time to view Morris' coat tails disappearing into the elevator. For two minutes he stood still and shook his head slowly.
"Miss Cohen," he said at length, "get out them statements which I told it you yesterday, and so soon you got the drawing account finished, let me have it. I don't think Mr. Perlmutter will be back to-day, so you would have lots of time to do it in."
It was almost two o'clock before Miss Cohen handed Abe the statement of the firm's drawing account, and Abe thrust it into his breast pocket.
"I'm going out for a bite, Miss Cohen," he said. "If anybody wants me, I am over at Hammersmith's and you could send Jake across for me."
He sighed heavily as he raised his umbrella and plunged out into a heavy March downpour. It had been raining steadily for about a week to the complete discouragement of garment buyers, and Hammersmith's rear café sheltered a proportionately gloomy assemblage of cloak and suit manufacturers. Abe glanced around him when he entered and selected a table at which sat Sol Klinger, who was scowling at a portion of Salisbury steak.
"Hallo, Sol," Abe cried. "What's the trouble. Ain't the oitermobile running again?"
"Do me the favor, Abe," Sol replied, "and cut out them so called alleged jokes."
He turned toward a waiter who was dusting off the tablecloth in front of Abe.
"Max," he said, stabbing at the steak with a fork held at arm's length and leaning back in his chair as though to avoid contagion. "What d'ye call this here mess anyway?"
The waiter examined the dish critically and nodded his head.
"Sally's-bury steak, Mr. Klinger," he murmured. "Very nice to-day."
"Is that so?" Sol Klinger rejoined. "Well, lookyhere Max, if I would got it a dawg which I wanted to get rid of bad, y'understand, I would feed him that mess. But me, I ain't ready to die just yet awhile, y'understand, even though businessisrotten, so you could take that thing back to the cook and bring me a slice of roast beef; and if you think I got all day to sit here, Max, and fool away my time——"
"Right away, Mr. Klinger, right away," Max cried as he hurried off the offending dish, and once more Sol subsided into a melancholy silence.
"Don't take it so hard, Sol," Abe said. "We got bad weather like thisschonlots of times yet, and none of us busted up. Ain't it?"
"The weather is nix, Abe," Sol replied. "If it's wet to-day then it's fine to-morrow, and if a concern ain't buying goods now—all right. They'll buy 'em later on. Ain't it?But, Abe, the partner which you got it to-day, Abe, that's the same partner which you got it to-morrow, and that sucker Klein, Abe, he eats me up with expenses. What that feller does with his money, Abe, I don't know."
"Maybe he buys oitermobiles, Sol," Abe suggested.
"Supposing I did buy last spring an oitermobile, Abe," Sol retorted. "That is the least. I bet yerthat feller Klein spends enough on taxicab rides for customers, and also one or two of 'em which she ain't customers, as he could buy adozenoitermobiles already. No, Abe, that ain't the point. The first year Klein and me goes as partners together, he overdraws me two hundred and fifty dollars.Schon gut.If the feller is a little extravagent, y'understand, he's got to make it up next year."
Sol paused to investigate the roast beef which Max had brought, and being apparently satisfied, he proceeded with his narrative.
"Next year, Abe," he continued, "Klein not only ain't made up the two hundred and fifty, Abe, but he gets into me three hundred dollars more. Well, business is good, y'understand, and so I don't kick and that's where I am a great big fool, Abe, because every year since then, Abe, that sucker goes on and on, until to-day our balance sheet shows I got five thousand more invested in the business as Klein got it. And if I would tell him we are no longer equal partners, Abe, he would go right down to Henry D. Feldman, and to-morrow morning there would be a receiver in the store."
Sol plunged his fork into the slice of roast beef as though it were Klein himself, and he hacked at it so viciously that the gravy flew in every direction.
"Max," he roared, clapping his handkerchief to his face, "what the devil you are bringing me here—soup?"
It was at least five minutes before Sol had exhaustedhis stock of profanity, and when at length the tablecloth was changed and Abe had ministered to the front of his coat with a napkin dipped in water, Sol ceased to upbraid the waiter and resumed his tirade against his partner.
"Yes, Abe," he said, "you are in luck. You got a partner, y'understand, which he is a decent respectable feller. I bet yer Mawruss would no more dream of overdrawing you, than he would fly in the air."
"Wait till they gets to be popular, Sol," Abe replied. "You could take it from me, Sol, Mawruss would be the first one to buy one of them airyplanes, just the same like he bought that oitermobile yet."
"That's all right," Sol said. "Mawruss is a good live partner. He sees people round him—good, decent, respectable people, mind you—is buying oitermobiles, Abe, and so he thinks he could buy one, too. There ain't no harm in that, Abe, so long as he keeps inside his drawing account, but so soon as one partner starts to take more as the other money out of the business, Abe, then there is right away trouble. But certainly, Abe, Mawruss wouldn't do nothing like that."
"Sure not," Abe replied, "because in the first place, Sol, he knows I wouldn't stand for it, and in the second place, Mawruss ain't out to do me, y'understand. I will say for Mawruss this, Sol. Of course a partner is a partner, Sol, and the best of partners behaves like cut-throats at times, but Mawrusswas always white with me, Sol, and certainly I think a whole lot of that feller. Just to show you, Sol, I got Miss Cohen to fix it up for us a statement of our drawing account which I got it right here in my breast pocket, and I ain't even looked at it at all, so sure I am that everything is all O. K."
"I bet yer you overdrewhimyet," Sol observed.
"Me, I ain't such a big spender, Sol," Abe replied as he unfolded the statement. "I don't even got to look at the statement, because I know we drew just the same amount. Yes,—here it is Sol. Me, I drew six thousand two hundred dollars, and Mawruss drew—six thousand two hundred and——.Well, what do you think for a sucker like that?"
"Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol cried.
Abe's face had grown white and his eyes glittered with anger.
"That's a loafer for you!" he went on. "That feller actually pocketed fifty-two dollars of my money."
"Fifty-two dollars?" Sol repeated. "What are you making such a fuss about fifty-two dollars for?"
"With you I suppose fifty-two dollars is nothing, Sol?" Abe retorted. "I suppose you could pick up fifty-two dollars in the streets, Sol. What? Wait till I see that robber to-morrow. I'll fix him. Actually, I thought that feller was above such things, Sol."
"Don't excite yourself, Abe," Sol began.
"I ain't excited, Sol," Abe replied. "I ain't abit excited. All I would do is I will go back to the store and draw a check for fifty-two dollars. I wouldn't let that beat get ahead of me not for one cent, Sol. If I would sit down with my eyes closed for five minutes, Sol, that loafer would do me for my shirt. I must be on the job all the time, Sol, otherwise that feller would have me on the streets yet."
For a quarter of an hour longer Abe reviled Morris, until Sol was moved to protest.
"If I thought that way about my partner, Abe," he said, "I'd go right down and see Feldman and have a dissolution yet."
"That's what I will do, Sol," Abe declared. "Why should I tie myself up any longer with a cutthroat like that? I tell you what we'll do, Sol. We'll go over to the store and see what else Miss Cohen found it out. I bet you he rings in a whole lot of items on me with the petty cash while I was away on the road."
Together they left Hammersmith's and repaired at once to Potash & Perlmutter's place of business. As they entered the show-room Miss Cohen emerged from her office with a sheet of paper in her hand.
"Mr. Potash," she said, "when you were in Chicago last fall you drew on the firm for a hundred dollars, and by mistake I credited it to you on your expense account. It ought to have been charged on your drawing account. So that makesyour total drawing account sixty-three hundred dollars."
Abe stopped short and looked at Sol.
"What was that you said, Miss Cohen?" he asked.
"I said that I made a mistake in that statement, and you're overdrawn on Mr. Perlmutter forty-eight dollars," Miss Cohen concluded.
"Then hurry up quick, Miss Cohen," Abe cried, "and draw a check in my personal check book on the Kosciusko Bank to Potash & Perlmutter for forty-eight dollars and see that it's deposited the first thing to-morrow morning."
He handed Sol a cigar.
"Yes, Sol," he said, "if Mawruss would find it out that I am overdrawn on him forty-eight dollars, he would abuse me like a pickpocket. That feller never gives me credit for being square at all, Sol. I would be afraid for my life if he would get on to that forty-eight dollars. Why, the very first thing you know, Sol, he would be going around telling everybody I was a crook and a cutthroat. That's the kind of feller Mawruss is, Sol. I could treat him always like a gentleman, Sol, and if the smallest little thing happens to us, 'sucker' is the least what he calls me."
At this juncture the green baize doors leading into the hall burst open and Morris himself leaped into the show-room. His necktie was perched rakishly underneath his right ear, and his collar was of the moisture and consistency of a used wash rag. Hisclothes were dripping, for he carried no umbrella, and his hair hung in damp strands over his forehead. Nevertheless he was grinning broadly, as without a word he ran up to Abe and seized his hand. For two minutes Morris shook it up and down and then he collapsed into the nearest chair.
"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "what's the matter? Couldn't you say nothing? What did you come downtown again for? You should have stayed uptown with Minnie."
"S'all right, Abe," Morris gasped. "S'all over, too. The doctor says instead I should be making a nuisance of myself uptown, I would be better off in the store here. He was there before I could get home."
"Who was there?" Abe asked. "The doctor?"
"Notthe doctor," Morris went on. "The boy was there. Minnie is doing fine. The doctor said everything would be all right."
"That's good. That's good," Abe murmured.
"Y'oughter seen him, Abe. He weighed ten pounds," Morris continued. "I bet yer he could holler, too,—like an auctioneer already. Minnie says also I shouldn't forget to tell you what we agreed upon."
"What we agreed upon?" Abe repeated. "Why we ain't agreed upon nothing, so far what I hear, Mawruss. What d'ye mean—what we agreed upon?"
"Notyouand me, Abe," Morris cried. "Herandme. We agreed that if it was a boy we'd call him Abraham P. P. Perlmutter already."
He slapped Abe on the back and laughed uproariously, while Abe looked guilty and blushed a deep crimson.
"Abraham Potash Perlmutter," Morris reiterated. "That's one fine name, Sol."
It was now Sol's turn to take Morris' hand and he squeezed it hard.
"I congradulate you for the boy and for the name both," he said.
Once more Abe seized his partner's hand and shook it rhythmically up and down as though it were a patent exerciser.
"Mawruss," he said, "this is certainly something which I didn't expect at all, and all I could say is that I got to tell you you would never be sorry for it. Just a few minutes since in Hammersmith's I was telling Sol I got a partner which it is a credit and an honor for a feller to know he could always trust such a partner to do what is right and square and also, Mawruss, I——Miss Cohen," he broke off suddenly, "you should draw right away another check in my personal book for a hundred dollars."
"To whose order?" Miss Cohen asked.
Abe cleared his throat and blinked away a slight moisture before replying.
"Make it to the order of Abraham P. Perlmutter," he said, "and we will deposit it in a savings bank, Mawruss, and when he comes twenty-one yearsold, Mawruss, we will draw it out with anything else what you put in there for him, Mawruss, and we will deposit it in our own bank to the credit ofPotash, Perlmutter & Son."
Sol Klinger's face spread into an amiable grin.
"You could put me down ten dollars on that savings bank account, too, boys," he said as he reached for his hat. "I've got to be going now."
"Don't forget you should tell Klein it's a boy," Morris called to him.
"I wouldn't forget," Sol replied. "Klein'll be glad to hear it. You know, Mawruss, Klein ain't such a grouch as most people think he is. In fact, taking him all around, Klein is a pretty decent feller."
As he turned to leave, his eye met Abe's, and both of them smiled guiltily.
"After all, Abe," Sol concluded, "it ain't what partners says about each other, Abe, but how theyactswhich counts. Ain't it?"
Abe nodded emphatically.
"An old saying but a true one," Morris declared. "Actions talk louder as words."
Several spelling and punctuation inconsistencies appear in the original of this text. Punctuation has been changed when required for correct syntax. Inconsistent spelling has been retained in direct speech for pronunciation purposes and in quoted written material, but has been changed as noted below.