Birds can sing, but wouldn't sing, and couldn't be made to sing, at Covent Garden, Wednesday, July 8.Birds can sing, but wouldn't sing, and couldn't be made to sing, at Covent Garden, Wednesday, July 8.
So it goes on. Then enter the chief characters. All rise; the orchestra plays the "National Anthem," in German, suppose, out of compliment to our Imperial visitors; and afterwards in English (translated, and, I fancy, "transposed"), in honour of H.R.H. the Prince and Princess. All the wax-work figures form in a row, under the direction of Lord Chamberlain LATHOM; the machinery is put in motion; they all bow to the audience; glasses are riveted on them; everybody is craning and straining to get a good view; the people in the gallery and just over the Royal Box loyally enjoy the scene, being quite unable to see any of the distinguished persons who are, in this instance, "quite beneath their notice." And then Signor MANCINELLI turns his back on everybody, and gets to business.
After this, I feel that a buckle, somewhere or other, has turned traitor, and inventing an excuse with a readiness worthy of TOMMY TUCKER himself, I suddenly, but cautiously, retire. I descend the grand staircase between two rows of beefeaters reclining drowsily at their ease. Fast asleep, some of 'em, after too much beef. Imagine myself a prisoner, in disguise of course, escaping from the Tower in the olden time. Then, fearing the collapse of another buckle or button, or the sudden "giving" of a seam, I steal cautiously past the Guards—then past serried ranks of soldiers under the colonnade—then—once more in the street of Bow, and I am free! I breathe again.
Hie thee home, my gallant steed (an eighteenpenny fare in a hansom), and let me resume the costume of private life, trifle with a cutlet, drain the goblet and smoke the mild havannah.Sic transit gloriaWednesday!
(Signed.) (Mysteriously.) THE DUKE OF DIS GUISE.
P.S.—Although there was more money in the house than on any previous occasion, yet never did I see so many persons who had "come in with orders," which they displayed lavishly, wearing them upon their manly buzzums.
The Manager of Covent Garden is Sheriff HARRIS. Can all his operatic officials all over the house be correctly termed "Sheriff's Officers"?
THE GERMAN EMPEROR'S VISIT.THE GERMAN EMPEROR'S VISIT.SKETCHES ON THE SPOT.—BY OUR OWNGAILY CHAFFICARTIST.
That they are not accustomed to ultra punctuality in the arrival of steam-yachts at Port Victoria.
That some one ought to catch it for not looking after the water-pipes in the State dining-room.
That it is rather trying to have to remain dignified with your boots in three inches of water.
That the Eton Volunteers are just the sort of boys to follow the tradition of the past, and win a second Waterloo.
That still it was a little awkward to have to review them in the pauses of a thunderstorm.
That the wedding as a wedding was not bad, but a couple of hundred thousand troops or so posted as a guard of honour, would have made it more impressive.
That Buckingham Palace is rathertriste, when it is populated on the scale of one inhabitant to the square mile.
That Covent Garden Opera House, decorated with leagues of flower wreaths, is the finest sight in the world.
That Sheriff AUGUSTUS GLOSSOP HARRIS deserves a dukedom, and, if he were a German, should have it.
That one State Ball is like every other, but still it was very well done on Friday.
That the visit to the City was an entire success (although I wish the audience had made up their minds whether they would stand up or sit while I was speaking), thanks no doubt to the influence of the Sheriff.
That Saturday's doings were delightful. I was absolutely deafened with the cheering.
That it is very pleasant to be so well received, especially when, three years ago, I was generally snubbed and treated as a nobody.
SCENE—Within measurable distance of Waking. EnterLoungerandMarksman, R.andL.
SCENE—Within measurable distance of Waking. EnterLoungerandMarksman, R.andL.
Lounger(heartily). Why, Iamglad to see you! And how are things going on?
Marksman(cordially, but abruptly). Capitally! Good-bye!
Loung.But I say, what a hurry you are in! Can't you stop a minute for a chat?
Marks.Another time, but just now moments are precious.
Loung.But I say, you see I have found myself here—it doesn't take much longer than getting down to Wimbledon.
Marks.Of course it doesn't—whoever said it did? But there, old chap, Imustbe off!
Loung.Youarein a hurry! Ah, we used to have pleasant days in the old place?
Marks.Did we? I daresay we did.
Loung.Why, of course! Grand old days! Don't you remember what fun it used to be decorating your tent; and then, when the ladies came down—which they did nearly all the day long—what larks it was getting them tea and claret-cup?
Marks.Very likely. But we don't have many ladies now, and a good job too—theyarea bore.
Loung.Well, youarea chap! Why, how can there be any fun without your sisters, and your cousins, and your maiden aunts?
Marks.We don't want fun. But there, good-bye!
Loung.But I say, I have come all this way to look you up.
Marks.(unbending). Very kind of you, but, my dear fellow, you have chosen rather an unfortunate time.
Loung.Why, at Wimbledon you had nothing to do!
Marks.Very likely. But then Bisley isn't Wimbledon.
Loung.(dryly). So it seems. Everyone said that, when they moved the camp further away from home, they would ruin the meeting.
Marks.Then everyone was wrong. Why, we are going on swimmingly.
Loung.It must be beastly dull.
Marks.Not at all. Lovely country, good range, and, after it rains, two minutes later it is dry as bone.
Loung.Yes, but it stands to reason that itcan'tbe as popular as Wimbledon.
Marks.My dear fellow, figures are the best test of that. In all the history of the Association we have never had more entries than this year.
Loung.That may be, but you don't have half the fun you had nearer town.
Marks.(laughing). Don't want to! Business, my dear fellow, not pleasure! And now, old man, I reallymustbe off! Ta, ta! See you later. [Exit.
Loung.Well, whatever he may say, I prefer Wimbledon. And as there doesn't seem much formeto do down here, I shall return to town. [Does so. Curtain.
Second Baron.Second Baron.
House of Commons. Monday, July 6.—Don't know what the House of Lords would do without WEMYSS. How the House of Commons gets along without ELCHO is another story. Of course we are not absolutely ELCHO-less. Amurath has succeeded to Amurath, and there is still an ELCHO in the Commons. Perhaps in time he may reach the towering height of his illustrious father. He does very well as it is; made exceedingly smart speech the other afternoon on adjournment over Derby Day. We try to bear up; make the best of things; but in our secret hearts confess that this century has seen but one Lord ELCHO, and now he's Earl of WEMYSS.
Was in fine old style to-night. DORCHESTER brought on question of Volunteers. They are going to Wimbledon on Saturday to be reviewed by that veteran the German EMPEROR. DORCHESTER, in modest, convincing speech, pointed out how unfair it was that, in addition to, in many cases, losing a day's pay, in all cases incurring a day's hard work, that Volunteers should be required to pay expenses of their trip to Wimbledon. DORCHESTER left nothing unsaid; put the whole case in brief speech. But WEMYSS not going to be left out. Interposed in fine patronising manner; made acknowledgment of DORCHESTER's good intention; but, suggesting an absolutely imaginary case, took exception to the presentation of the Volunteers in the light of asking for a day's pay. That, he said, would spoil the whole case.
No one had suggested anything of the kind. WEMYSS had brought this nine-pin in with him as if it were one of a set of baccarat counters, had set it up, and was now knocking it down. Noble Lords sat and stared in polite amazement. CRANBROOK, in his impetuous way, jumped up and raised point of order. WEMYSS put him aside with sweep of sword-arm, and went on to end of his speech, which showed who was the true friend of the Volunteer forces.
"Ah," said young LAMINGTON, second Baron, regarding with pleased interest the flush of satisfaction that mantled WEMYSS' brow when he resumed his seat, "this House would have been nothing only for us fellows coming in from the Commons. It's new blood that does it. I'll make them a speech myself some day."
Business done.—Quite a lot in the Commons.
Tuesday.—FERGUSSON says life at Foreign Office would be endurable only for LABBY. The Sage has got the Triple Alliance on the brain; spends his mornings in drafting questions there anent. That FERGUSSON wouldn't mind so much, only it involves his spendinghisafternoons in drafting answers that shall look coherent, and yet say nothing. Answers often so admirably suited to their purpose, that doubts arise as to whether a firmer hand than FERGUSSON's has not traced them on paper. "A dull man," was the phrase in which, years ago, JOHN BRIGHT dismissed from consideration the statesman then known as Sir CHARLES ADDERLY. To House of Commons FERGUSSON is a dull man, incapable, as it seems, of framing these subtle answers that look as if they meant so much, and yet say so little.
Sage of Queen Anne's Gate.Sage of Queen Anne's Gate.
Whoever be the author, it must be said that FERGUSSON contributes to success of answers by his manner of reading them. So portentous is his gravity, so like a stone wall his imperturbability, that the Sage dashes himself up against it with much the same effect as if he were attacking one of the buttresses of Westminster Hall. It is a fortuitous concatenation of circumstances, most happy in its result, that when in the House of Commons an answer is to be given which shall convey no information, the MARKISS should dictate it, and FERGUSSON recite it. If, in reply to the Sage's question to-night, as to the understanding between this country and Italy with respect to thestatus quoin Mediterranean, FERGUSSON had stood up andrecited the multiplication table up to twelve times twelve, the remarks would have been just as relevant and informing as those he read from the paper. Moreover, the gravity of his aspect and the solemn inflection of his voice, would have compelled Members to listen to the end of the recitation with a sort of dim consciousness that they were really being informed as to the details of an understanding come to between Her majesty's Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs, and the Governments of Germany and Italy.
Business done.—Education Bill through Report Stage.
Thursday.—House having disposed of Land Purchase Bill and Education Bill, is able to devote portion of sitting to consideration of its own personal affairs. MORTON brings on subject of Bar in Lobby of House of Commons. Nothing to do with the Bar that LOCKWOOD, ASQUITH, and REID adorn; merely a counter, at which they sell what JEMMY LOWTHER alludes to, with a bewitching air of distant acquaintance, as "alcoholic liquors." MORTON, whose great ambition in life is to make people thoroughly comfortable, wants to close the Bar. SYDNEY HERBERT, making a rare appearance as spokesman for the Government on the Treasury Bench, pleads as a set-off against alleged evil example, the large consumption of "lemon squash," which he explains to the House is "a non-intoxicant." CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN sends thrill of apprehension through listening Senate by inquiring whether the House of Commons is licensed for the sale of intoxicating liquors?
No one every thought of that before. As far an anyone knows, place isn't licensed; consequently, in very birthplace of legislation, the law has for years been systematically defied. Worse this than what happened at Temple the other day, when LORD CHANCELLOR and a score of principal Members of Bar of England narrowly escaped indictment for playing a drama in an unlicensed hall. Vision conjured up the police making sudden descent on the House, walking off with SPEAKER, SERGEANT-AT-ARMS, and possibly OLD MORALITY, to nearest station, there to be locked up till released on bail.
Jemmy Lowther.Jemmy, J.P.
JEMMY LOWTHER much struck by suggestion. His innate magisterial instincts on the alert. We all know and like JEMMY, but few of us have opportunity of seeing him at his very best. That happens when he sits on the Magisterial Bench and dispenses justice. It is as JEMMY, J.P., he rises to the fullest height of his judicial manner. Still, pretty well just now. A little embarrassed at the outset by consciousness that his postal address at Leeds is "Swillington House." Afraid some ribald person will remember this, and vulgarly connect it with the discussion. Delightful to observe the way in which he reproved GEORGE CAMPBELL for language unbecoming the precincts of the Court. CAMPBELL had lightly spoken about "Members requiring a pick-me-up." "Persons enjoying the privilege of obtaining alcoholic liquors," was the way JEMMY put it, with a severe glance towards the abashed Knight of Kircaldy.
Business done.—Committee of Supply.
Friday.—Turns out to-night that MORTON doesn't approve the Triple Alliance. This would be awkward, in any circumstances. Peculiarly embarrassing just now with one of the principal signatories our guest. Emperor WILLIAM, was most anxious to come down to House; meant to see everything whilst he was here, not knowing what may happen before another opportunity presents itself.
"Always read your Diary, TOBY," he said to me, over a strawberry and cream at Marlborough House yesterday; "gather from it the impression that House of Commons is exceedingly interesting place; all its Members eloquent, and all its Ministers virtuous. Must go and see it. Look in on Friday."
Here's a go! Known beforehand that MORTON meant to state his views on the MARKISS's foreign policy, with its evident leaning toward Germany. Very awkward if EMPEROR came in just while MORTON was speaking.
"It would play the doose with theententy cordially," said JULIUS 'ANNIBAL PICTON, who resents MORTON's interference in the field of foreign policy.
Happily Emperor WILLIAM didn't get as far as Westminster; detained at Guildhall; just got off in time to dine with the Great DOOK, and afterwards to the ball at Buckingham Palace. So peace between to great nations is maintained. But MORTON ran us pretty close.Business done.—Committee of Supply.
["Punchand the Elections were the only matters which occupied the public mind on July 17, 1841."—Introduction to "Punch," Vol.I.]
["Punchand the Elections were the only matters which occupied the public mind on July 17, 1841."—Introduction to "Punch," Vol.I.]
Fifty years ago, my Public, fifty years ago!Faith, the years fleet swiftly onward, though sad hours seem slow.Forty-One beheld my advent, Friend of Truth and Fun;From mysanctumstill I greet you now in Ninety-One."Punchand the Elections!" Truly a compendious text.With how many Burning Questions men to-day are vext!Then the Whigs perceived their tether pretty nearly run,And—they're watching Bye-Elections now in Ninety-One.Then Lord JOHN was on the Treasury Bench, though ill at ease,Thence to be soon torn—like Theseus;—PEEL, the Hercules.Now SMITH smiles a toothy smile in little JOHNNY's place,White the Grand Old Hercules sits watching grave of face.Heremembers Forty-One! Few, exceptPunchand him,Linger from those brave old days, now distant grown and dim!He has reached his Jubilee, asPunchthis year hath done.Veterans both, we drink each other's health in Ninety-One!Forty-One was fierce and fiery. Young DISRAELI thenBravely buttered stout Sir ROBERT as the best of men.Pheugh! But in how short a time was BEN's envenomed steelDestined to find rankling lodgment in the breast of PEEL!Now? Well, there is jaunty JOSEPH poisoning his pint;Seeking in GRANDOLMAN's mail some penetrable joint!Heroes and ex-armour-bearers still keep up the fun;One-and-Forty saw it so, and so does Ninety-One!Mr. SHARMAN CRAWFORD (who washe? Let quidnuncs guess!)Moved Amendment relative to "Popular Distress."Thenhis cure was Wider Suffrage.Nowwhat would it be?Land with little or no Rent, and Education Free?Then the Corn Laws cramped Free Trade; free Competition nowBreeds the Sweater, harsh exploiter of the toiler's brow,When brave PEEL achieved Repeal some deemed the task was done,But Commissions upon Labour sit in Ninety-One.SIBTHORP then amused St. Stephen's; we have SEYMOUR KEAY,D'ORSAY then was wit and dandy, OSCAR WILDE have we.And if wild FEARGUS O'CONNOR fashioned Land Schemes then,BURNS and MORRIS well can match him now with tongue or pen.Then TOM HOOD could sing that Song1which moved a world to tears,London Laundrydom on Strike now in Hyde park appears.Ah! since Eighteen Forty-One much has been tried—anddone,ButPunchfinds no lack of labour e'en in Ninety-One!The HER MAJESTY, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne,Now her Royal Jubilee is full four years bygone.He who has illumed her reign with wisdom, wit, and fun,Greets her loyally to-day as then, in Forty-One.Madam, much since then has happened, much has been achieved;Marvels, commonplace to-day, few then would have believed.Science, Liberty, Pure Manners, order, Peace, Goodwill,Punchfor Fifty Years has championed, and will champion still.Then and now! The captious cynic at the contrast sneers,Punchbelieves in, and would help, the Progress of the Years.When his Century's full course, fifty Years hence, has run,With good heart and glad may he look back on Ninety-One!
Fifty years ago, my Public, fifty years ago!Faith, the years fleet swiftly onward, though sad hours seem slow.Forty-One beheld my advent, Friend of Truth and Fun;From mysanctumstill I greet you now in Ninety-One.
Fifty years ago, my Public, fifty years ago!
Faith, the years fleet swiftly onward, though sad hours seem slow.
Forty-One beheld my advent, Friend of Truth and Fun;
From mysanctumstill I greet you now in Ninety-One.
"Punchand the Elections!" Truly a compendious text.With how many Burning Questions men to-day are vext!Then the Whigs perceived their tether pretty nearly run,And—they're watching Bye-Elections now in Ninety-One.
"Punchand the Elections!" Truly a compendious text.
With how many Burning Questions men to-day are vext!
Then the Whigs perceived their tether pretty nearly run,
And—they're watching Bye-Elections now in Ninety-One.
Then Lord JOHN was on the Treasury Bench, though ill at ease,Thence to be soon torn—like Theseus;—PEEL, the Hercules.Now SMITH smiles a toothy smile in little JOHNNY's place,White the Grand Old Hercules sits watching grave of face.
Then Lord JOHN was on the Treasury Bench, though ill at ease,
Thence to be soon torn—like Theseus;—PEEL, the Hercules.
Now SMITH smiles a toothy smile in little JOHNNY's place,
White the Grand Old Hercules sits watching grave of face.
Heremembers Forty-One! Few, exceptPunchand him,Linger from those brave old days, now distant grown and dim!He has reached his Jubilee, asPunchthis year hath done.Veterans both, we drink each other's health in Ninety-One!
Heremembers Forty-One! Few, exceptPunchand him,
Linger from those brave old days, now distant grown and dim!
He has reached his Jubilee, asPunchthis year hath done.
Veterans both, we drink each other's health in Ninety-One!
Forty-One was fierce and fiery. Young DISRAELI thenBravely buttered stout Sir ROBERT as the best of men.Pheugh! But in how short a time was BEN's envenomed steelDestined to find rankling lodgment in the breast of PEEL!
Forty-One was fierce and fiery. Young DISRAELI then
Bravely buttered stout Sir ROBERT as the best of men.
Pheugh! But in how short a time was BEN's envenomed steel
Destined to find rankling lodgment in the breast of PEEL!
Now? Well, there is jaunty JOSEPH poisoning his pint;Seeking in GRANDOLMAN's mail some penetrable joint!Heroes and ex-armour-bearers still keep up the fun;One-and-Forty saw it so, and so does Ninety-One!
Now? Well, there is jaunty JOSEPH poisoning his pint;
Seeking in GRANDOLMAN's mail some penetrable joint!
Heroes and ex-armour-bearers still keep up the fun;
One-and-Forty saw it so, and so does Ninety-One!
Mr. SHARMAN CRAWFORD (who washe? Let quidnuncs guess!)Moved Amendment relative to "Popular Distress."Thenhis cure was Wider Suffrage.Nowwhat would it be?Land with little or no Rent, and Education Free?
Mr. SHARMAN CRAWFORD (who washe? Let quidnuncs guess!)
Moved Amendment relative to "Popular Distress."
Thenhis cure was Wider Suffrage.Nowwhat would it be?
Land with little or no Rent, and Education Free?
Then the Corn Laws cramped Free Trade; free Competition nowBreeds the Sweater, harsh exploiter of the toiler's brow,When brave PEEL achieved Repeal some deemed the task was done,But Commissions upon Labour sit in Ninety-One.
Then the Corn Laws cramped Free Trade; free Competition now
Breeds the Sweater, harsh exploiter of the toiler's brow,
When brave PEEL achieved Repeal some deemed the task was done,
But Commissions upon Labour sit in Ninety-One.
SIBTHORP then amused St. Stephen's; we have SEYMOUR KEAY,D'ORSAY then was wit and dandy, OSCAR WILDE have we.And if wild FEARGUS O'CONNOR fashioned Land Schemes then,BURNS and MORRIS well can match him now with tongue or pen.
SIBTHORP then amused St. Stephen's; we have SEYMOUR KEAY,
D'ORSAY then was wit and dandy, OSCAR WILDE have we.
And if wild FEARGUS O'CONNOR fashioned Land Schemes then,
BURNS and MORRIS well can match him now with tongue or pen.
Then TOM HOOD could sing that Song1which moved a world to tears,London Laundrydom on Strike now in Hyde park appears.Ah! since Eighteen Forty-One much has been tried—anddone,ButPunchfinds no lack of labour e'en in Ninety-One!
Then TOM HOOD could sing that Song1which moved a world to tears,
London Laundrydom on Strike now in Hyde park appears.
Ah! since Eighteen Forty-One much has been tried—anddone,
ButPunchfinds no lack of labour e'en in Ninety-One!
The HER MAJESTY, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne,Now her Royal Jubilee is full four years bygone.He who has illumed her reign with wisdom, wit, and fun,Greets her loyally to-day as then, in Forty-One.
The HER MAJESTY, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne,
Now her Royal Jubilee is full four years bygone.
He who has illumed her reign with wisdom, wit, and fun,
Greets her loyally to-day as then, in Forty-One.
Madam, much since then has happened, much has been achieved;Marvels, commonplace to-day, few then would have believed.Science, Liberty, Pure Manners, order, Peace, Goodwill,Punchfor Fifty Years has championed, and will champion still.
Madam, much since then has happened, much has been achieved;
Marvels, commonplace to-day, few then would have believed.
Science, Liberty, Pure Manners, order, Peace, Goodwill,
Punchfor Fifty Years has championed, and will champion still.
Then and now! The captious cynic at the contrast sneers,Punchbelieves in, and would help, the Progress of the Years.When his Century's full course, fifty Years hence, has run,With good heart and glad may he look back on Ninety-One!
Then and now! The captious cynic at the contrast sneers,
Punchbelieves in, and would help, the Progress of the Years.
When his Century's full course, fifty Years hence, has run,
With good heart and glad may he look back on Ninety-One!
Footnote 1:(return)"The Song of the Shirt," which appeared on page 260 of Vol. V., 1843, in a supplementary number entitled, "Punch'sTriumphal Procession."
"The Song of the Shirt," which appeared on page 260 of Vol. V., 1843, in a supplementary number entitled, "Punch'sTriumphal Procession."
INFLUENZA.—I should feel really grateful to any reader who can tell me whether I have Influenza or not. I think I must have it, as I have tested my temperature with a thermometer attached to a weather-glass hanging in the hall, which is only slightly cracked, and find that it—my temperature, not the weather-glass—stays constantly at 120 degrees, which seems rather high. My headaches arefrightful, and the pills with forty grains of quinine in them, which I have been recommended to take by a neighbouring chemist's assistant, do not seem to do any good. Cough and chemist's bill both very heavy. Ought I have to have a change? If so, whom should I try and take it out of?—NERVOUS SUBJECT.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.