'We loathe Music.'"We loathe Music."
"We loathe Music."
"Much Ado AboutNil."—Were the Temporal Power in existence, theLord Mayor, in proposing the toast of thePopebefore that of theQueen, would have been guilty of a blunder, and we all know, onTalleyrand'sauthority, how far worse is a blunder than a crime. But thePope, being no longer "two single gentlemen rolled into one," but simply, as it might be set down in a Play-bill ofDramatis Personæ, "First Bishop," and also by his own style and title, "Servus Servorum," the health of His Holiness (which is uncommonly good) might, in British Dominions, be introduced after that of theQueenand Royal Family, and could be fitted into Church and State as neatly as possible, that is, where such a toast is a necessity of the entertainment. But the stupidity of the incident has been surpassed by the idiocy of the notice taken of it, and, for the sake of the common sense of the Common Council, it is to be hoped that a large majority will be on the side of Alderman and SheriffRenals, and refuse to toast theLord Mayoron the Gridiron ofLawrence.
Toréador
Drury Lane Opera Record.—Bohemian Girlgoing strong,Cavalleria Rusticanastill the attraction. "Happy Thought" (videDruriolanus'sDiary)—"ReviveLa Juive." Done it! and done it well.Giannini, asEleazaro, excellent.Rachelenot up toRachelin acting (for those who may remember thattragédienne), but Mlle.Gherlsen, representing the Jew's daughter, does what the greatRachelcould not do, that is, sing.La Juivewill be given during the Covent Garden season; so these performances may be considered as very superior rehearsals.Carmenon Thursday, instead ofIl Trovatore.—theTrovatorebeingIl, couldn't appear. With all due sympathy and respect forTrovatore,Carmenwas gratefully received. SignorPignalosa, as theToréador, very good, and obtained hisencore; sothisToréadorwas "contento." Mlle.Guerciawas a fascinatingCarmen, and what is anyCarmenif not fascinating?
(Overflow Letters, probably originally intended for a Contemporary.)
SIR,—No doubt you have seen in the papers recently a number of letters, giving accounts of the stoppage of cabs by well-dressed young men, who, after heartily greeting the occupants, have asked for the loan of a sovereign. The other day something of the same sort occurred to me. I got into an omnibus, when a man, purporting to be a Conductor, asked me for my fare. I replied that I would pay him later on. He then proceeded to mount to the roof, apparently to collect other money, when I quickly descended. I firmly believe that, had I not acted promptly, I should have been defrauded of three-pence. Believe me, yours, &c.,
Vigilant.
SIR,—I think you should know the last dodge. I was walking home from a rather heavy dinner the other evening, when I came across a man exactly like myself. He might have been my twin brother. He didn't say anything, but put out his hand towards me as if asking for alms. Of course I refused, as I could see that the man was drunk. A little later I was escorted home by a policeman. The next morning, when I got to the spot where I had been accosted by this silently-begging stranger, I found a looking-glass. The police say they have the matter in hand, but they do not see much prospect of finding the original.
—T.O'Baccus.
SIR,—As a warning to the less wary, I beg to send you the following particulars:—A short time ago I met at a Charity Banquet an Alderman who was apparently a most excellent gentleman; and I lay a stress upon this fact to show how deceptive are appearances. After the speeches, my City friend said he would like to subscribe to the benefaction. He asked me if I had change for a five-pound note. I replied I had only four pounds. He said that that would do, and that I could forward him the additional sovereign at my leisure. I then handed over the quartette of golden coins in exchange for his bank-note. Immediately afterwards I quitted the apartment to ascertain if the note was genuine. I have not seen the Alderman since. I may add that although I believe the draft a forgery, I have received its full alleged value from the Bank of England.
Caution.
THE TWO HENRIES.—Congratulations to SirHenry Isaacs. The other SirHenry, which his name isHawkins, the Judge, observed that he had "a conviction that the case against Sir H.Isaacsought not to go to a jury." So oneHenryhad a conviction, and the other hadn't.
(H)ART-TEACHING IN A NUTSHELL.(H)ART-TEACHING IN A NUTSHELL.Cockney Art-Teacher(to ambitious Amateur, who rather fancies himself, but has come for a few "Finishing" Lessons). "Now, yer know, what I say is, if you're going to be a Artist, yer should try to mike itsomething like!"
Cockney Art-Teacher(to ambitious Amateur, who rather fancies himself, but has come for a few "Finishing" Lessons). "Now, yer know, what I say is, if you're going to be a Artist, yer should try to mike itsomething like!"
House of Commons, Monday, April 11.—Lord Mayor of Dublindropped in to pass time of day withSpeaker. Accompanied by a score of his merry Councilmen, arrayed in scarlet cloaks trimmed with costly furs. Made ordinary Members in black coats feel very small. T. D.Sullivan, the Bard of Erin, long known at Westminster, is also Member of Dublin Corporation. Brought over his scarlet robes; took his seat within the Bar; other Members of Corporation, of course, kept outside sacred precincts. Some little disturbance at door whenLord Mayorarrived in procession, preceded by Mace, and accompanied by Sword-Bearer. These wanted to enter House, and support his Lordship as he stood at Bar in alien assembly.
"You enter only across my body," said the Serjeant-at-Arms, lightly, but firmly, touching the hilt of his terrible brand.
A moment's awful pause. The sword brought over from Ireland would, in weight and cubic capacity, have made ten of the rapier to whichErskineof Cardross had significantly called attention. When, later, it peacefully rested behind doorkeeper's chair, its mighty hilt rose above topmost height like the cross on a cathedral spire. Sword-Bearer looked atLord Mayor; Mace-Bearer grasped with both hands shaft of his ponderous weapon. Both warriors accustomed to public meetings in Dublin; knew what was expected of them by way of argument.Lord Mayorhappily in placable mood. Readjusting around his neck the collar of gold (the very one "Malachiwon from the proud Invader"), he bowed his head; Mace and Sword were deposited behind doorkeeper's chair, and his Lordship strode in, escorted by the crimson-gowned, fur-betrimmed City Fathers.
Lord Mayor, supported on either side by a stately Alderman, stood at Bar holding what at first sight looked like a shillelagh.
"What have you there, myLord Mayor of Dublin?" asked theSpeaker, in tones so stern they made the sword rattle in the scabbard on the other side of the closed door.
Nothing escapesSpeaker'sEye when he pleases to bring it to bear on a particular focus. Had seen the implement inLord Mayor'shand; insisted upon knowing all about it before proceedings went further. Turned out to be nothing more dangerous than petition from Corporation of Dublin in favour of Home-Rule Bill.Speaker, instantly mollified, allowed it to be read; after whichLord Mayor, bowing, retired; Mace and Sword found all right, and possession resumed. As the thin red streak filed out of doorway, T. D. S. still lingering in seat by Cross Benches, said, as he looked admiringly upon the befurred crimson robes. "Reminds me,Toby, of a line fromGoldsmith. You remember it inThe Deserted Village?
'With blossom'd furze, unprofitably gay.'"
'With blossom'd furze, unprofitably gay.'"
'With blossom'd furze, unprofitably gay.'"
Business done.—Eighth Night Debate on Home-Rule Bill.
Tuesday.—FoundVicary Gibbs(well-known firm,Sons And Antony Gibbs, of the City and the Universe) rather in dumps to-night. Been a burglar at family mansion in Regent's Park; the Firm at dinner;Sonsstanding a little meal forAntony; burglar took opportunity of entering by bedroom window, first observing precaution of screwing up doors, and other entrances and exits, so that he might pursue his vocation with that certainty of non-disturbance upon which all well-bred burglars insist. Loot considerable, Providence blessing the burglar with tea-pots and spoons to extent that would have excited envy in heart ofHans Breitmann.
"Well, cheer up," I said to youngVicary; "awkward, of course, to lose this property; some of it, probably, heirlooms; at least, there was no bloodshed. You should be thankful for that."
THE PARLIAMENTARY GOLF HANDICAP.THE PARLIAMENTARY GOLF HANDICAP.
"Not at all," saidVicary, the light of Ulster battle ditches flaming in his eyes. "I should like to have shed some myself. But it isn't that, nor is it the material jewels whose disappearance I lament. They are things that are bought and sold; they may be replaced. Fact is, old friend" (hate to see a strong young man sobbing), "there was more than that."
"I didn't see anything else mentioned in the papers," I remarked.
"No; we resolved to bear our burden among ourselves. I don't mind telling you, that beside the brooches, bracelets, chains, rings, and other things of that sort, the fellows stole the notes I had made for speech on Home-Rule Bill. Been here night after night since debate opened, sitting patiently waiting to catchSpeaker'seye. Have given up my dinner and other evening delights; night after nightSpeakerhas passed me over. I waited on; everything has its compensation; the enforced delay proved invaluable, as supplying opportunity for improving original draft of speech. As I sat and listened, great thoughts surged through my mind; happy illustrations flashed upon me; irresistible arguments were slowly moulded. Jotted 'em all down. Notes getting, perhaps, a little long; couldn't have managed to work them off in less than two hours; but House would, I know, have suffered gladly for that time, or even longer. An audience that has survived two hours ofAsmead Bartlett(Knight) is not disposed to mince matters. Last night resolved to get it over: toldPrince Arthurto tellAkers-Douglasto arrange withSpeakerto call me as near ten o'clock as possible. Went home for slight repast; placed notes of speech on dressing-table; thought with passing pleasure of the policeman we have kept these thirty years perambulating St. Dunstan's in view of possible burglar, and went to dinner. When I tripped upstairs, meaning to go down to House, found notes gone, and, incidentally, £2000 worth of jewellery. I won't disguise from you,Tobyold man, my private conviction that the whole thing was a plant. Mr.Gladstone'sat the bottom of it!"
Business done.—Ninth Night Debate on Home-Rule Bill.
Thursday.—Sextonmade five speeches to-night, each sufficient of itself to lay foundation of parliamentary reputation. Had he spread them over the Session, or even distributed them throughout a month, would have scored great success. Unhappily worked them all off at single sitting, without other interval than succession of long pauses, arbitrarily introduced. Fancy he felt he must do something to maintain ancient reputation.GrandolphandJohn Morleyspoke for two hours each, whilst few, having caughtSpeaker'seye, let go under ninety minutes.Sextonmust needs beat record; did it, talking for two hours and half by Westminster clock! Had an hour and a half served, speech would have been worthy to rank with those ofAsquith,John Redmond, andDavitt. As it is, case one of oratorial suicide.Carsonfollowed; quite moderate in comparison. Spoke for little over an hour. When he sat down, it was after eight o'clock; more that one-half of possible length of sitting exhausted; only two Members taken part in Debate.
"Debate d'ye call it," saidLord Morris, looking on from the Peer's Gallery. "It's preaching rather—pragmatical prosing, the death of useful Parliamentary discussion."
THE PARLIAMENTARY POLKA. 'PAIRS PLEASE!'THE PARLIAMENTARY POLKA. "PAIRS PLEASE!"
House left in almost comatose state. Someone faintly moved Count;Marjoriebanks, who had not suffered the four hours' talk, and who, by comparison with rest, seemed supernaturally active, managed to bring in what was left of forty Members, and conversation drowsily proceeded to appointed hour of closing.Business done.—Eleventh Night.
Scheherazade. "And so, my Lord, he drew his scimitar, and was about to—— But excuse me, Sultan, I observe, through the oriel window, something that looks remarkably like the streak of dawn, and, if you don't mind, I'll continue the story to-morrow night."
Schahriah, Sultan of Persia."Thank you, no my dear, I have some dim recollection that, in a former state, this sort of thing went on for a Thousand and One Nights, ending in the most agreeable manner to the principal personages concerned. But that, you will admit, was in other circumstances. The world, and we, were younger then. Eleven nights of this is enough for me, and, if you would be so good as to step into the next room, I will give instructions for your being—excuse this yawn—bowstrung."
(Extracted from "The Newest Arabian Nights.")
Demon-Trap for Reporters.Demon-Trap for Reporters.
Saturday, 1.15a.m.—Members streaming back from Division Lobby; Mr. G. down on stroke of One o'clock: splendid speech—a mental and physical miracle; for little over an hour he entranced an audience still suffering from two hours ofHenry James, throughout which the eminent jurist sank below lowest level hitherto known of his Parliamentary capacity.Prince Arthurat his best; in brisk fighting mood, hitting out right and left; stirringTim Healy'ssoul with surging desire to get up and reply. No opportunity soTimsnapped at him across Gangway,Prince Arthurcutting back with ever-smiling face. When, just now Mr. G. walked in from Division Lobby, Liberals and Irish Members leaped to their feet, welcoming him with waving hats, and strident cheers. A moving scene, introducing announcement that, in House of 651 Members, every absentee accounted for, Ministerial majority ran up to 43.Business done.—Home-Rule Bill read Second Time.