The Ship is suddenly becalmed, and findeth that enforced silence means not peaceful progress.]
Down dropt the breeze, the sails dropt down,'Twas sad as sad could be;With flopping sail of what availThe silence of the sea?Day after day, day after day,We stuck, nor breath nor motion;As idle as a painted shipUpon a painted ocean.
Down dropt the breeze, the sails dropt down,'Twas sad as sad could be;With flopping sail of what availThe silence of the sea?
Down dropt the breeze, the sails dropt down,
'Twas sad as sad could be;
With flopping sail of what avail
The silence of the sea?
Day after day, day after day,We stuck, nor breath nor motion;As idle as a painted shipUpon a painted ocean.
Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.
The Spirit of Obstruction had followed in spook-like silent, sub-marine secrecy.]
And some in dreams assured wereOf the spirit that plagued us so;Nine fathom deep he had followed us,From the land of mist and snow.If this be so, my shipmates said,What use that bird to shoot?We make no way, no more than ifWe were shackled hand and foot.
And some in dreams assured wereOf the spirit that plagued us so;Nine fathom deep he had followed us,From the land of mist and snow.
And some in dreams assured were
Of the spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us,
From the land of mist and snow.
If this be so, my shipmates said,What use that bird to shoot?We make no way, no more than ifWe were shackled hand and foot.
If this be so, my shipmates said,
What use that bird to shoot?
We make no way, no more than if
We were shackled hand and foot.
The shipmates, in their sore distress, are tempted to throw the blame on the Ancient Mariner.]
Ah! well-a-day! what evil looksHad I from old and young!My gain seemed loss, the AlbatrossAround my neck was hung.
Ah! well-a-day! what evil looksHad I from old and young!My gain seemed loss, the AlbatrossAround my neck was hung.
Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
My gain seemed loss, the Albatross
Around my neck was hung.
The Ancient Mariner beholdeth a long-hoped-for sign in the element afar off.]
There passed a weary time. Each throatWas parched, and glazed each eye.A weary time! a dreary time!(Devoted to "Supply,")When, looking westward, I beheldA Something in the sky!
There passed a weary time. Each throatWas parched, and glazed each eye.A weary time! a dreary time!(Devoted to "Supply,")When, looking westward, I beheldA Something in the sky!
There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time! a dreary time!
(Devoted to "Supply,")
When, looking westward, I beheld
A Something in the sky!
It groweth and assumeth substantial shape.]
At first it seemed a little speck,And then it seemed a mist:It moved, and moved, and took at lastA certain shape, I wist.A speck, a mist, a shape I wist!And still it neared and neared:As if it dodged some awkward questionIt plunged, and tacked, and veered.
At first it seemed a little speck,And then it seemed a mist:It moved, and moved, and took at lastA certain shape, I wist.
At first it seemed a little speck,
And then it seemed a mist:
It moved, and moved, and took at last
A certain shape, I wist.
A speck, a mist, a shape I wist!And still it neared and neared:As if it dodged some awkward questionIt plunged, and tacked, and veered.
A speck, a mist, a shape I wist!
And still it neared and neared:
As if it dodged some awkward question
It plunged, and tacked, and veered.
At its nearer approach it seemeth to him to be a ship, bearing the hopeful name ofAutumn Session.]
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,We scarce could laugh or wail;Through utter drought all dumb we stood!I bit my tongue—it did me good—And cried "A Sail! A Sail!!!"
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,We scarce could laugh or wail;Through utter drought all dumb we stood!I bit my tongue—it did me good—And cried "A Sail! A Sail!!!"
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We scarce could laugh or wail;
Through utter drought all dumb we stood!
I bit my tongue—it did me good—
And cried "A Sail! A Sail!!!"
A flash of joy among his shipmates,]
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,Agape they heard me call.Gramercy! They for joy did grin,And all at once their breath drew in,As they were whistling all.
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,Agape they heard me call.Gramercy! They for joy did grin,And all at once their breath drew in,As they were whistling all.
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
Agape they heard me call.
Gramercy! They for joy did grin,
And all at once their breath drew in,
As they were whistling all.
And of anger amidst their foes.]
Our fierce foes' faces went aflame,They felt that they were done!Their thoughts were of the western main,Of moor, and dog, and gun,When that strange shape drave suddenlyBetwixt us and the Sun.
Our fierce foes' faces went aflame,They felt that they were done!Their thoughts were of the western main,Of moor, and dog, and gun,When that strange shape drave suddenlyBetwixt us and the Sun.
Our fierce foes' faces went aflame,
They felt that they were done!
Their thoughts were of the western main,
Of moor, and dog, and gun,
When that strange shape drave suddenly
Betwixt us and the Sun.
The Ancient Mariner postponeth the sequel of his strange story to a more convenient occasion.]
Ah, Member pressed, I'll leave the restUntil—say next December!Whether that Sail did bring us aid,Or with my shipmate's wishes played;Whether it made them welcome Autumn,Or Tales of Hope to question taught 'em;Whether (as spook) that AlbatrossAppeared again our path to cross;If it portended gain or loss(Uncertain these, as pitch-and-toss!)I'll tell you when again we meet,On this same post, in this same street—Oh, Member pressed—remember!
Ah, Member pressed, I'll leave the restUntil—say next December!Whether that Sail did bring us aid,Or with my shipmate's wishes played;Whether it made them welcome Autumn,Or Tales of Hope to question taught 'em;Whether (as spook) that AlbatrossAppeared again our path to cross;If it portended gain or loss(Uncertain these, as pitch-and-toss!)I'll tell you when again we meet,On this same post, in this same street—Oh, Member pressed—remember!
Ah, Member pressed, I'll leave the rest
Until—say next December!
Whether that Sail did bring us aid,
Or with my shipmate's wishes played;
Whether it made them welcome Autumn,
Or Tales of Hope to question taught 'em;
Whether (as spook) that Albatross
Appeared again our path to cross;
If it portended gain or loss
(Uncertain these, as pitch-and-toss!)
I'll tell you when again we meet,
On this same post, in this same street—
Oh, Member pressed—remember!
JUSTIFIABLE DECEPTION.JUSTIFIABLE DECEPTION.Nervous Old Party (who has been making himself rather a nuisance all the way)."A—a—surely, my dear Sir, this Galloping up these Hills is extremely a—a—to say the least, reckless!"Jack Highflyer (Proprietor and Coachman, who has been spirting his Team up several short rises)."Gallop! Call this Galloping? By George, just you wait till Return Stage—see me go down 'em! Greased Lightning a fool to it!"[Result as desired. Old Gentleman clears out shortly, for purpose of writing to "Times," and so makes way for Fair Passenger behind.]
Nervous Old Party (who has been making himself rather a nuisance all the way)."A—a—surely, my dear Sir, this Galloping up these Hills is extremely a—a—to say the least, reckless!"
Jack Highflyer (Proprietor and Coachman, who has been spirting his Team up several short rises)."Gallop! Call this Galloping? By George, just you wait till Return Stage—see me go down 'em! Greased Lightning a fool to it!"
[Result as desired. Old Gentleman clears out shortly, for purpose of writing to "Times," and so makes way for Fair Passenger behind.]
DECIDEDLY PLEASANT.DECIDEDLY PLEASANT.Genial Youth."I say, Gubby, Old Chap, is this really true about your going to Marry my Sister Edie?"Gubbins."Yes, Tommy. It's all settled. But why do you ask?"G. Y."Oh! only because I shall have such a jolly slack time now! You knowI'vepulled off nearly all her Engagements so far, only you're the first one who's been aReal Stayer!!"
Genial Youth."I say, Gubby, Old Chap, is this really true about your going to Marry my Sister Edie?"
Gubbins."Yes, Tommy. It's all settled. But why do you ask?"
G. Y."Oh! only because I shall have such a jolly slack time now! You knowI'vepulled off nearly all her Engagements so far, only you're the first one who's been aReal Stayer!!"
Home Secretary ... awaiting the arrival of the Deputation
TheHome Secretarywas seated in his room awaiting the arrival of the Deputation:—
"Well, I suppose I was right to allow them to interview me," he murmured. "The submerged Tenth have not the franchise to-day. Ah! but they may have it to-morrow!"
TheHome Secretary'sexclamation was caused by the appearance of a number of half-starved ragamuffins, who had lounged into the room, and were now standing respectfully before him.
"Beg pardon, Sir," said the spokesman of this strange-looking deputation, "but are you the'Ome Seckkerterry?"
"That is my position," replied the Cabinet Minister. "And now that you are here, what do you want?"
"Well, Guv'nor, truth to tell, we are out of employment. Our trade has gone to the dogs. Our business wos a removin' of superfluous cash from the pockets of the more inattentive of the public."
"Burglars!" exclaimed theHome Secretary, in some alarm, and he hastily approached the handle of the bell communicating with the Messenger's Room.
"Stow it!" cried the spokesman roughly, then hurriedly lowering his tone, he apologised, and said he spoke from force of habit. "Twenty years ago our purfession was worth something. We could make a tidy living out of silk pocket-handkerchiefs, and sich like. But nowadays it's all changed. It wants capital, Guv'nor; that's where it is, it wants capital!"
"What wants capital?" queried the Minister.
"Why, our purfession, to be sure. Nowadays everythink's done on scientific principals. A burglar must know something of chemistry, and be up in things generally. Besides, all the real good things are worked by syndicates. Unless you can put in a 'underd pounds or so, why, you are nowhere. What are we to do?"
TheHome Secretarysat in deep thought.
"Look 'ere, Guv'nor," continued the spokesman, "'ere's a noshun. As we can't afford to be thieves, and haven't sufficient education to become burglars, why shouldn't we assist the Civil Power? Make us Peelers, Sir, you know—Coppers."
A month later the Police received some new recruits, and the title of the Force was officially changed to "The Unemployed."
House of Commons, Monday, August 7.—House brisked up to-day on approaching Report Stage Home-Rule Bill; over three hundred Members present, includingJoseph, fresh from Birmingham; on whole, a melancholy gathering. At outset every appearance of collapse. Influence of Bank Holiday over it all. Ministers who should have been in places to answer questions not arrived. Worse still when Home-Rule Bill reached, and new Clauses called on. Turned outPrince Arthurwas still dallying at Dulwich,Heneage'appy at 'Ampstead,Wolmertarrying by the giddy swing on Peckham Rye.Bartley, ever ready to sacrifice himself in interests of Empire, proposed to move new Clauses for absentees, butSpeakerwouldn't have it; so passed on toParker Smith. P. S., as sometimes happens in correspondence, proved most important part of letter. He had quite a cluster of Clauses; moved them in succession through long and dreary night.
Holiday Time--;as shown by Members' dress in the House.HOLIDAY TIME—AS SHOWN BY MEMBERS' DRESS IN THE HOUSE.
Incidentally providedTim Healywith opportunity for making speech quite in old (of late unfamiliar) form. One of P. S.'s clauses designed for appointment of Boundary Commissioners, with view of whatT. W. Russelldescribed as "ojus jerrymandering."Timdeclared that scheme proposed by Bill would give Unionists a much larger representation than they were entitled to, leaving them, with exception of disfranchisement of Dublin University, in very much same numbers as they now stand. Demonstrating this,Timcited in detail the constituencies affected. Totted them up to reach the total he had affirmed—certainly eighteen, possibly twenty-one.
"There's Armagh two," he said, "and Antrim four. Four and two are six," he added, turning with defiant look upon the placid figure ofT. W. Russell. Paused for a moment to give full opportunity for anyone getting up to deny this proposition. No response;Timproceeded; "Very well, six. There's Belfast four. Six and four are ten!" he shouted triumphantly, looking across atJoseph. "Very well, ten," he added, in low growl; evidently disappointed at lack of spirit in camp opposite. "Down—North, East and West Down you'll have, I suppose? That's three. Three and ten's thirteen. Thirteen!" he shouted, turning with quick flush of hope in direction of seat ofEdward of Armagh. But Colonel not there. In fact not been seen in House since he went out after the great fight, holding bunch of keys to his bruised cheek.
Things looking desperate; stillTimplodded on. Surely age of chivalry not so finally gone that there was not left in an Irish bosom sufficient courage to deny to a political adversary that two and two made four? PerhapsTimhad been piling on the units too high. He would continue on a lower scale. "Very well, that's thirteen. Now North Fermanagh's one. Thirteen and one's fourteen." No pen can describe the acrimonyTimthrew into this proposition. Still the craven blood did not stir. "Londonderry, North, South, and City—I suppose you expect to collar them all? That's three; fourteen and three are seventeen."
It was terrible. TheSpeaker, fearing bloodshed, interposed, rulingTimout of order; only just in time. One could see by flush onMacartney'scheek that one step more would have been fatal, and that the proposition "Seventeen and two are nineteen" would have led to outbreak beside which the "regrettable incident" would have been meretriciously mild.
Business done.—Took up Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
'Bimetallism.'"Bimetallism."
"Bimetallism."
Tuesday.—The Squires had regular set-to to-night. He of Blankney began it;Squire of Malwood, never loath for a tussle, cheerfully stepping into the ring. Order of the day was Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill. Members, though in languid mood, prepared once more to tread the dreary round, to pass a summer night
In dropping buckets into empty wells,And growing old in drawing nothing up.
In dropping buckets into empty wells,And growing old in drawing nothing up.
In dropping buckets into empty wells,
And growing old in drawing nothing up.
Squire of Blankneyordered matters otherwise. Has for some time had by him paper on Bimetallism, which he desired to read to House. Thought event might have come off on Vote on Account; ruled out of order; would fit in equally well on Indian Budget. But when will Indian Budget be taken?Gorstand Echo answer "When?"Squire, whilst willing to sacrifice all personal considerations on the altar of public interest, feels that duty to his Queen and country call him away for an interval of rest. He might leave his paper forDicky Templeto read; or he might have it printed and circulated with the votes. Whilst pondering on these alternatives, happy thought came to him. Why not move adjournment of House, and so work off speech? Of course wouldn't do to put the matter bluntly, and "ask leave to move the adjournment for the purpose of discussing a definite matter of urgent public importance, namely,Harry Chaplin'sdesire to get out of town." But for "Harry Chaplin'sdesire," &c., substitute "the closing of the Indian mints to the free coinage of silver," and there you are.
There we were indeed. Opposition didn't show up with the enthusiasm that might have been expected in such a cause. Question was indeed raised whether the necessary forty Members had risen to support application for leave.Speakersaid it was all right, soSquire of Blankneybrought out his treasured manuscript and reeled off his speech.Squire of Malwoodexceedingly angry that he should have occupied nearly an hour for the purpose. So angry that he took almost precisely same time in replying. Drew a lurid picture of the other Squire going about "endeavouring to make mischief in Hindustan." The poorSquire of Blankney! No such fell design had filled his manly breast. He was guilty of no more direful purpose than that of availing himself of forms of the House to read a paper on Bimetallism prepared for a lapsed occasion, which might have been out of date had he kept it in his drawer till he came back from his holiday. It led to appropriation of four hours of the sitting; but if they had not been wasted in this way, they would have been squandered in some other, and House would have lost spectacle of this set-to between theMalwood Maulerand theBlankney Pet.
Business done.—None to speak of.
Thursday.—SeemsBrodrickdidn't say at Farnham those naughty things about Mr. G. 'Tis true he had referred to failure of a popular local donkey to win a race owing to increasing infirmities, adding "it is quite time some of us should be turned out to grass." But he was not thinking of Mr. G. Of whom then was the Young Man thinking? Could it have been ——? But no, a thousand times no.
The Government Humorist.The Government Humorist.("No, I'm hanged if I do.")
The Government Humorist.("No, I'm hanged if I do.")
Certainly nothing in Mr. G.'s appearance to-night suggestive of desire or necessity for knocking-off work. Others may tire and turn fondly to contemplation of moor, river, or sea. Mr. G. thinks there's no place like London in mid-August, no scene so healthful or invigorating as House of Commons. Plunged in to-night on one of the interminable Amendments. A difficult job in hand. Had to accept Amendment whichSolicitor-GeneralandAttorney-Generalhad an hour earlier been put up to show was impossible. Began by pummellingPrince Arthur; proceeded to make little ofHenry James; turned aside to pinkJosephwith sarcastic reference to inveterate love with which he is cherished in the bosom of his new friends the Tories; finished by throwing overAttorney-Generalwith grace and dexterity that made experience rather pleasant than otherwise; and at a quarter to eight accepted an Amendment that had been moved at a quarter to six.
It was in conversation round this Debate thatSolicitor-General, accused byCarsonof knowing all about a certain point of law, delighted House by taking off wig, pitching it ceiling-high, deftly catching it, and observing with a wink atSpeaker, "No, I'm hanged if I do."
Business done.—Report Stage Home-Rule Bill.
Friday Night.—Grouse to-morrow, Home-Rule Bill to-night. AsBorthwicksays, Home-Rule Bill is like partridge, at least to this extent, that, in course of a few months, its daily appearance on the table leads to sensation of palled palate. Truly,toujours perdrixis endurable by comparison with Always Home Rule. Members who remain bear up pretty bravely, but glance wistfully at the door through which have disappeared so many friends and companions dear, bound Northward. The holiday, even when it comes for us—the mere residuum, tasting grouse only from the bounty of our friends, who are not dead but gone before—will be but an interval in a prodigiously long Session. "I suppose you find the Autumn Session very popular," I said toMarjoribanks, who still wears a smile. "Yes," he said; "more especially with Members who have paired up to Christmas."
Business done.—Still harping on Home Rule.
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Page 73: 'break' corrected to 'brake'. "I'm over before you have put on the brake,"