AisAustralia, the land of their birth.B forBruce,Bannerman, batsmen of worth.C is youngConingham, more than a learner.D is the Demon, onceSpofforth, nowTurner.E the Excitement to see them all play,F is the Four on the ground all the way.G is forGraham, theGiffens, andGregory,H is a Hit that's maybe in the leg or eye.I is the Interest that's caused in the cricket,J is forJarvis, who sometimes keeps wicket.K is the Kangaroo, bold and defiant,L isJack Lyons, who hits like a giant.M isMcLeod, and wasMurdochof yore,N are the Nets, where they practice before.O their Opponents, delighted to meet them,P for the People, so ready to greet them.Q is the Question, "How's that"—Out or Not?R is that terror of batsmen—a Rot.S their success, making Englishmen humble,T is forTrott, and stands also forTrumble.U is the Umpire, to whom they all shout,V is the Voice, in which he cries "Out!"W the Wickets, our land does not lack 'em,X is their Xcellent keeper—friendBlackham.Y is the Yorker, that's fatal to some,And Z shows the ending has really come.
AisAustralia, the land of their birth.B forBruce,Bannerman, batsmen of worth.C is youngConingham, more than a learner.D is the Demon, onceSpofforth, nowTurner.E the Excitement to see them all play,F is the Four on the ground all the way.G is forGraham, theGiffens, andGregory,H is a Hit that's maybe in the leg or eye.I is the Interest that's caused in the cricket,J is forJarvis, who sometimes keeps wicket.K is the Kangaroo, bold and defiant,L isJack Lyons, who hits like a giant.M isMcLeod, and wasMurdochof yore,N are the Nets, where they practice before.O their Opponents, delighted to meet them,P for the People, so ready to greet them.Q is the Question, "How's that"—Out or Not?R is that terror of batsmen—a Rot.S their success, making Englishmen humble,T is forTrott, and stands also forTrumble.U is the Umpire, to whom they all shout,V is the Voice, in which he cries "Out!"W the Wickets, our land does not lack 'em,X is their Xcellent keeper—friendBlackham.Y is the Yorker, that's fatal to some,And Z shows the ending has really come.
AisAustralia, the land of their birth.
B forBruce,Bannerman, batsmen of worth.
C is youngConingham, more than a learner.
D is the Demon, onceSpofforth, nowTurner.
E the Excitement to see them all play,
F is the Four on the ground all the way.
G is forGraham, theGiffens, andGregory,
H is a Hit that's maybe in the leg or eye.
I is the Interest that's caused in the cricket,
J is forJarvis, who sometimes keeps wicket.
K is the Kangaroo, bold and defiant,
L isJack Lyons, who hits like a giant.
M isMcLeod, and wasMurdochof yore,
N are the Nets, where they practice before.
O their Opponents, delighted to meet them,
P for the People, so ready to greet them.
Q is the Question, "How's that"—Out or Not?
R is that terror of batsmen—a Rot.
S their success, making Englishmen humble,
T is forTrott, and stands also forTrumble.
U is the Umpire, to whom they all shout,
V is the Voice, in which he cries "Out!"
W the Wickets, our land does not lack 'em,
X is their Xcellent keeper—friendBlackham.
Y is the Yorker, that's fatal to some,
And Z shows the ending has really come.
The Great Ferris Wheel at Chicago Exhibition can "complete a revolution in seven minutes." Valuable this in Paris. No military required.
FRIENDS IN COUNCIL.FRIENDS IN COUNCIL.Scene—Editor's Sanctum, "The Halfpenny Slater."Critic."What a pity Shakspeare's dead! It would be such a Score to pitch into him as an over-rated Old Idiot! It's never been done yet that I know of!"Editor."Ah! capital idea! I don't see that his being Dead makes any Odds!"Critic."Oh yes—for the Reader! Dead 'uns don't feel, you know, and there's nobody big enough Living now to be worth Powder and Shot, confound it!"
Critic."What a pity Shakspeare's dead! It would be such a Score to pitch into him as an over-rated Old Idiot! It's never been done yet that I know of!"
Editor."Ah! capital idea! I don't see that his being Dead makes any Odds!"
Critic."Oh yes—for the Reader! Dead 'uns don't feel, you know, and there's nobody big enough Living now to be worth Powder and Shot, confound it!"
"I come to Cowes," quoth the German Emperor right merrily, "as the greatest compliment I can pay toJohn Bull. But where are the Royal carriages and Royal personages to receive me?" AdmiralCommerellsteered himself along the main roads, and played the part of the look-out man to perfection. "Nothing in the offing," he reported to the Emperor. "I hope," returned His Imperial Majesty, with a smile, "that this sort of thing doesn't offing happen." Everybody in convulsions of laughter, which just filled up the time till the appearance on the scene of the Duke ofConnaughton the top of the cabin, in the full uniform of a General of the Horse Marines. "You're too punctual by half a minute," called out the Duke to the Admiral. Then the Admiral piped his eye, and the Royalties lighted cigarettes. "Here are the carriages! step in!" quoth the Duke. "Aha!" cried the Emperor gaily, in his perfect English. "Here is the carriage and the 'oss, so now we shall be borne by the 'oss toOs-borne!" Every one in convulsions, and amid roars of laughter the Duke and the Emperor drove off.
When a batsman has piled up a hundred, or more,Though five twenties he's hit, he has made but "a score."
When a batsman has piled up a hundred, or more,Though five twenties he's hit, he has made but "a score."
When a batsman has piled up a hundred, or more,
Though five twenties he's hit, he has made but "a score."
When a smart cove "sues" a sweet girl, for her hand,Then sueing is soft and as sweet as a peach.But e'en sueing comes bitter, you'll all understand,When he bolts, andshesueshim—"for Breach!"A true suitor may suit her, but, faithless, the bruteDeserves what he'll get, a complete change of suit!
When a smart cove "sues" a sweet girl, for her hand,Then sueing is soft and as sweet as a peach.But e'en sueing comes bitter, you'll all understand,When he bolts, andshesueshim—"for Breach!"A true suitor may suit her, but, faithless, the bruteDeserves what he'll get, a complete change of suit!
When a smart cove "sues" a sweet girl, for her hand,
Then sueing is soft and as sweet as a peach.
But e'en sueing comes bitter, you'll all understand,
When he bolts, andshesueshim—"for Breach!"
A true suitor may suit her, but, faithless, the brute
Deserves what he'll get, a complete change of suit!
House of Lords, Monday, July 24.—Haven't heard much of House of Lords this Session. Will take the floor presently, and show Commons how Legislation should be conducted. For weeks and months they've been slaving round Home-Rule Bill. Noble Lords, with fuller experience, and heaven-born aptitude, undertake to polish it off in a week. Meanwhile have had less work than usual to do. Might even have made long Summer holiday. Patriotically insisted upon meeting four times a week, to show, to whom it may concern, that at least they are ready for work.
To-night suddenly blazed forth with amazing vigour. Old friendEvelyn Baring, taking his seat under new style, LordCromer, agreeably surprised; House almost full; Opposition in high feather; cheeredCadoganand theMarkisswith rare enthusiasm.
"I suppose the question is either the Church or the Land?" saidCromer, looking up his Orders of the Day. "Heard in Egypt those were only subjects that made you sit up."
"There's one other," saidCarrington, to whom remark was addressed; "though you will say it practically comes to the same thing. It's Mr. G. Anything connected with him ruffles House with sudden storm. Mr. G. madeHoughtonLord Lieutenant of Ireland.Houghtona charming fellow; popular in both camps; but being Mr. G.'s selection for the Viceroyalty, we—I mean they—are bound to go for him."
Went for him to-night hammer and tongues.Cadogan, not usually a peer of bloodthirsty aspect, clenched his teeth with ominous vigour when he discoveredHoughtonwas not present. Had sent him special invitation, he explained. Had even gone so far as to leave to him choice of date for his execution. "And now," criedCadogan, glaring round the appalled House, "his Excellency is not here!"
His absence commented on with towering vigour. Lord Lieutenant's procedure, in his dealing with addresses, "dishonest, dishonourable, discreditable to all concerned," saidCadogan, by way of final shot, intended to sink whole Ministerial Bench.
Markiss, not to be outdone, denounced Mr. G. as "a despot," and his colleagues in the Government "a well-trained company of mutes." As for something LordSpencerhad said,Markissdescribed it as "a pure invention," which is much politer than Mr.Mantalini'sway of referring to similar lapse as "a demnition lie." House sat as late as half-past six, and went off home in high good humour. "Quite a long time since we wet our spears," said theMarkiss. "Just as well sometime, dearToby, to show you fellows in the Commons what we can do."
Business done.—In Commons Financial Clause to Home-Rule Bill passed Second Reading.
House of Commons, Tuesday.—Don't Keir Hardieon again with fresh inquiry as to misadventure to oneArthur Walkeron day of Royal Wedding. Mr.Walker(of London) it appears had difficulty with mounted officer in command of company of troops. Officer says that when ordered to fall backWalkerseized his horse's rein. ARTHUR says "Walker!"; didn't do anything of the sort. That remains in dispute. What is clear is thatWalkergot slight scalp wound, inflicted by the warrior's sword.Don't Keir Hardiewants sworn inquiry into case.Campbell-Bannermanputs whole case in nutshell. "An accident," he says, "a regrettable accident; entirely owing to fact of the sharp edge of the sword meeting the man's head, instead of the flat edge."
That was all; butWalkerseems to think it was enough. Carried out on a larger scale, before and since Waterloo, similar accidents have had even more direful results. ButCampbell-Bannerman, by voice and manner, succeeded in throwing into explanation an amount of conviction that communicated itself to House, and even quietenedDon't Keir Hardie. The choice of the word "meeting" was perhaps most exquisite touch in answer. Without venturing upon assertion, it conveyed impression that responsibility for regrettable occurrence was fully shared by Mr.Walker. Meeting implies advance from either side. To accomplish the contact, Mr.Walker'shead must have advanced in the direction of the sword, which at the moment happened to be going the other way, unfortunately with the sharp edge to the front. Hence, between the two, the abrasion of Mr.Walker'sskull.
VIEW OF 'COMMITTEE STAGE OF THE HOME-RULE BILL.'VIEW OF "COMMITTEE STAGE OF THE HOME-RULE BILL." "CALL" FOR THE AUTHOR AND MANAGER.
Campbell-Bannermandid not add another word, but everyone who knows his kindness of heart will understand his unuttered wish that when in futureWalkertakes his walks abroad he will be more careful. At least, if his head insists upon meeting swords going the other way, he may be expected to note whether it is the sharp edge or the flat that is out for the day.
Business done.—Financial Clause Home-Rule Bill in Committee. A long dull night, flashing forth at end in encounter betweenJosephand his "right hon. friend." Mr. G. in tremendous force and vigour. In its way it wasCampbell-Bannerman'sstory over again,Joseph'sblameless head meeting the sharp edge of Mr. G.'s sword. Where difference came in was in circumstance that no one seemed to regard accident as regrettable. On contrary, whilst the Home-Rulers whooped in wild delight, the Opposition crowded the benches to watch the fun.
Friday, 1.20a.m.—If there is in the world at this moment a thoroughly astonished man it isJohn William Logan, Member of Parliament for the South (Harborough) division of Leicestershire. Just nowLogan'smind is disturbed and his collar ruffled by an incident in the passage of Home-Rule Bill; but he is capable of giving perfectly coherent account of events. At ten o'clockMellorrose as usual to set in motion machinery of guillotine. Question at moment before Committee peremptorily put.Logan, unguardedly descending from serene atmosphere of side gallery, reached floor of House; was passing between table and Front Opposition Bench towards division lobby when he beheld vision ofVicary Gibbsskipping down gangway steps shouting and waving his arms.Logan, a man of philosophical temperament and inquiring mind, halted to watch course of events. Something apparently wrong in the City; things either gone up or gone down;Vicary Gibbscertainly come down; was now seated besidePrince Arthur, with hat fiercely pressed over brow, excitedly shouting at Chairman. As everybody else was shouting at same moment, Chairman wrung his hands, and spasmodically cried "Order! Order!"Loganhad presence of mind to note that whilstVicaryin any pause in the storm cried aloud, "Mr.Mellor, I rise to order," he was sitting down all the time with his hat on.
That wasLogan'slast collected idea before personal affairs entirely engrossed his attention.Hayes Fisher, in ordinary times mildest-mannered man that ever helped to govern Ireland, took note ofLoganstill standing in passage between Front Bench and table; effect upon him miraculous.
"Yah,Logan!" he yelled; "get out. Bah! bah! go to the Bar."
Contagion of fury touchedCarson, who had hitherto been shouting at large. He now turned onLogan. "Gag! gag!" he yelled. "Gang of gaggers." Then, in heat of moment, he cried above the uproar, "Gag of gangers."
This too much forLogan. Hitherto stood everything; now sat down in contiguity toCarson. Here is where the surprise came in. Front Opposition Bench not his usual place, but was nearest available seat. His standing up objected to; it was certainly against rules of law and order that prevail in the House of Commons. Very well then, he would sit down. This he did, taking vacant place byCarson. But, like the bo'sun and the sailor strung up for forty lashes, hit high or hit low he couldn't please them. The scene that followed has no parallel since similar disturbance took place in Dotheboys Hall whenNicholas Nicklebyrevolted and "took it out" ofSqueers.Hayes Fisherleaning over clutched LOGAN by the back of the neck and thrust him forth.Ashmead-Bartlett, seeing opportunity of winning his knightly spurs, firmly fixed his eyeglass, and felt forLoganin the front.
That the table and front Opposition Bench were not "steepled" inLogan'sgore, as were the forms and benches at Dotheboy's Hall in that ofFanny Squeers'sPa, was due to diversion raised from another quarter. Irish members below Gangway, seeing the scrimmage, and notingCarsonhad something to do with it, moved down in body with wild "whirroo!"Saunderson, providentially in his place, sprang up and advanced to intercept the rolling flood.Creanbeing on crest of advancing wave found his face, by whatCampbell-Bannermanwould describe as a "regrettable accident." in contact with the Colonel's fist. Moreover, it was the knuckly end, scarcely less hurtful than the sharp edge of the sword which laidWalker(of London) low.Creandrew back, but onlypour mieux reculer, as they say in Cork. Whilst the Colonel was standing in the attitude of pacific impartiality he later described to theSpeaker,Creandealt him an uncommonly nasty one on the chops; the thud distinctly heard amid the Babel of cries in the miniature Donnybrook below Gangway. Amid moving, struggling mass,Saunderson'swhite waistcoat flashed to and fro like flag of truce, to which, alas! there was no response. What became ofLoganin this crisis not quite clear. Fancy I sawWalrondextricating him from the embraces ofFanny-Squeers-Ashmead-Bartlett. Mr. G. looked on with troubled face from Treasury Bench.Bartleystanding up on edge of scrimmage, pointed accusatory forefinger at him, was saying something, probably opprobrious but at the moment inaudible.
"So likeBartleyto go to root of matter," saidGeorge Russell, who surveyed scene from sanctuary of Speaker's chair. "Others might accuseJosephof being responsible for disturbance by likening his old colleague and chief to iniquitous KingHerodat the epoch when the worms were waiting to make an end of him.Vicary GIBBSand good Conservatives generally are sure it wasTay Pay'sretort of 'Judas! Judas!' that dropped the fat into the fire. OnlyBartleyhas cool judgment and presence of mind to point the moral of the moving scene. A striking figure in the inextricablemêlée.When his statue is added to that of great Parliamentarians in St. Stephen's Hall, the sculptor should seize this attitude."
Business done.—Home-Rule Bill through Committee; but first a real taste of Donnybrook.
AFTER THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN.AFTER THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. EXPLANATIONS.
Friday Night.—House a little languid after excitement of last night. Attendance small; subject at morning sitting, Scotch Education; at night, Agriculture. Dr.Hunterthinks it would be nice to have Committee of Inquiry into origin and progress of last night's row. Nobody else takes that view; general impression is, we'd better forget it as soon as possible.
Business done.—Trevelyanexplains Scotch Education Vote.
The Angel (in the House)'s Advocate.—Mr.Woodall.
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