I've caught you, hazel-eyed brunette, day-dreaming, chin on hand!Don't think, now, that my stolen sketch is bold and contraband!Nay, rather, 'tis thedutythat's imposed on ev'ry beauty,To grant that with respectful glance her profile may be scanned.To picture such a wealth of brown wouldVandyck'sself delight;Brown eyes I see, and waving hair, brown as a summer night.Icannot do you justice, but this thumb-nail sketch, I trust, isA deep brown-study rendered into simple black and white.In reverie reflective, has your wayward fancy strayed,It may be, to last summer's tryst in some wild English glade,Or old-world forest-garden, where, likeRosalindin Arden,Your troth you plighted, or, love-lorn, outmourned the Nut-brown Maid?You're wand'ring in Mahatma-land, and counting astral sheep?And gathering wool that never grew, a Brownie-ledBo-peep,Or, possibly, pursuant of an Ego playing truant.And lost amid the labyrinth of dim hypnotic sleep?For all I know, you're musing in this meditative tranceOn modern and sublunar joys, as dinner, dress, and dance!Or is ittoothachemerely that—well, makes you stare so queerly?(Somehow I ne'ercandraw the line 'twixt bathos and romance!)If thus I seem inquisitive, don't kill me with a frown!Though times are hard, in vulgar phrase, I'll plank my money down!Your train of thought to share (if you'll accept a penny-tariff),I tender, with my compliments, the coin that's called a "brown"!
I've caught you, hazel-eyed brunette, day-dreaming, chin on hand!Don't think, now, that my stolen sketch is bold and contraband!Nay, rather, 'tis thedutythat's imposed on ev'ry beauty,To grant that with respectful glance her profile may be scanned.
I've caught you, hazel-eyed brunette, day-dreaming, chin on hand!
Don't think, now, that my stolen sketch is bold and contraband!
Nay, rather, 'tis thedutythat's imposed on ev'ry beauty,
To grant that with respectful glance her profile may be scanned.
To picture such a wealth of brown wouldVandyck'sself delight;Brown eyes I see, and waving hair, brown as a summer night.Icannot do you justice, but this thumb-nail sketch, I trust, isA deep brown-study rendered into simple black and white.
To picture such a wealth of brown wouldVandyck'sself delight;
Brown eyes I see, and waving hair, brown as a summer night.
Icannot do you justice, but this thumb-nail sketch, I trust, is
A deep brown-study rendered into simple black and white.
In reverie reflective, has your wayward fancy strayed,It may be, to last summer's tryst in some wild English glade,Or old-world forest-garden, where, likeRosalindin Arden,Your troth you plighted, or, love-lorn, outmourned the Nut-brown Maid?
In reverie reflective, has your wayward fancy strayed,
It may be, to last summer's tryst in some wild English glade,
Or old-world forest-garden, where, likeRosalindin Arden,
Your troth you plighted, or, love-lorn, outmourned the Nut-brown Maid?
You're wand'ring in Mahatma-land, and counting astral sheep?And gathering wool that never grew, a Brownie-ledBo-peep,Or, possibly, pursuant of an Ego playing truant.And lost amid the labyrinth of dim hypnotic sleep?
You're wand'ring in Mahatma-land, and counting astral sheep?
And gathering wool that never grew, a Brownie-ledBo-peep,
Or, possibly, pursuant of an Ego playing truant.
And lost amid the labyrinth of dim hypnotic sleep?
For all I know, you're musing in this meditative tranceOn modern and sublunar joys, as dinner, dress, and dance!Or is ittoothachemerely that—well, makes you stare so queerly?(Somehow I ne'ercandraw the line 'twixt bathos and romance!)
For all I know, you're musing in this meditative trance
On modern and sublunar joys, as dinner, dress, and dance!
Or is ittoothachemerely that—well, makes you stare so queerly?
(Somehow I ne'ercandraw the line 'twixt bathos and romance!)
If thus I seem inquisitive, don't kill me with a frown!Though times are hard, in vulgar phrase, I'll plank my money down!Your train of thought to share (if you'll accept a penny-tariff),I tender, with my compliments, the coin that's called a "brown"!
If thus I seem inquisitive, don't kill me with a frown!
Though times are hard, in vulgar phrase, I'll plank my money down!
Your train of thought to share (if you'll accept a penny-tariff),
I tender, with my compliments, the coin that's called a "brown"!
To MR. Punch,—Sir,—I appeal to you. Ought scientific papers to be allowed to publish incitements to bloodshed and anarchy? I have just read in one an enthusiastic commendation of "an agitator working at 280 revolutions per minute." This agitator is, it appears, closely connected with an "annihilator." It is true that the annihilator is a smoke-annihilator, and the agitator is part of its machinery; but who knows what influence may be exerted upon weak minds at such a time as this by the use of these awful terms? Is the Home Secretary asleep?
Yours,
A Patriot.
Mysterious.—InSala's Journalfor December 13 the advertisement of the Christmas Number announces that "arrangements have been made for publishing the Portraits of the Contributors at the commencement of their respective articles. This, it is believed, will prove a very interesting feature." No doubt. Butwhich"feature," andwhose"feature," and to which contributor will "the very interesting feature" in the portrait belong? They cannot surely have only one feature among them! Among the special contributors, each of course with distinctive features, are SirAugustus Harris, Mr.Sutherland Edwards, Mr.Arthur à Beckett, and Mr.Davenport Adams. Excellent company each, with most interesting features. But which feature is to be taken as representing the lot? "Nose?" Well, there's point in that. "Cheek?" Ahem! Will it be "All their eye?" Evidently the only way of satisfying curiosity is to purchase a copy ofS. J.'sChristmas Number.
Seasonable Riddle.—When does a turkey look a goose?—When quite by himself he has to face a party of twenty-four.
INHUMAN.INHUMAN.Sportsman(who has caught Brown's mare)."Now then! this Way out, Sir, this Way out!"Brown(who has already swallowed about a quart of mud and water)."B—b—but it's deep!"Sportsman(impatient)."Confound it, Man! do you expect me to fetch a Boat?"
Sportsman(who has caught Brown's mare)."Now then! this Way out, Sir, this Way out!"Brown(who has already swallowed about a quart of mud and water)."B—b—but it's deep!"Sportsman(impatient)."Confound it, Man! do you expect me to fetch a Boat?"
[A fair plaintiff, who brought a breach of promise action worth under ordinary circumstances at least £1000, had to be content with £100 because she had in the meantime been kissed by a new suitor.]
[A fair plaintiff, who brought a breach of promise action worth under ordinary circumstances at least £1000, had to be content with £100 because she had in the meantime been kissed by a new suitor.]
The gorse is out in kissing time,And that is always—so the saw.But know from henceforth (and this rhyme)This does not follow in the Law.For she, who, jilted by her swain,Brings him to Court, and braves the laughter,Must—if she longs for gold—refrainFrom kissing Number Two—till after!
The gorse is out in kissing time,And that is always—so the saw.But know from henceforth (and this rhyme)This does not follow in the Law.For she, who, jilted by her swain,Brings him to Court, and braves the laughter,Must—if she longs for gold—refrainFrom kissing Number Two—till after!
The gorse is out in kissing time,
And that is always—so the saw.
But know from henceforth (and this rhyme)
This does not follow in the Law.
For she, who, jilted by her swain,
Brings him to Court, and braves the laughter,
Must—if she longs for gold—refrain
From kissing Number Two—till after!
OUR BARTERERS.—Sideboard.—I have a magnificent-looking article, made of unseasoned deal, coloured to resemble walnut. As great care has been taken to imitate a really first-class piece of furniture by a good maker, it is hoped that the fact that the wood is certain to split and warp, that the drawers jam, that the keyholes are dummies, and that the whole is a piece of cunning shoddy, will escape the attention of the average purchasing idiot. What offers?
To Pickwickian Students.—Of what class of persons is it recorded inPickwickthat "their looks are not prepossessing and their manners are peculiar"?
'Twas the voice of the Turtle, I heard him complain,"You would wake me! Be off!! Let me slumber again!Your 'Royal Commission on Unification'Be ——!" something that seemed to convey commination."Ishan't 'tender evidence'—hang it, not I!—Why I, as a separate body, should die!I've power, prosperity, plumpness, and pelf;If you want an 'Amalgam'—why, mix it yourself!"
'Twas the voice of the Turtle, I heard him complain,"You would wake me! Be off!! Let me slumber again!Your 'Royal Commission on Unification'Be ——!" something that seemed to convey commination."Ishan't 'tender evidence'—hang it, not I!—Why I, as a separate body, should die!I've power, prosperity, plumpness, and pelf;If you want an 'Amalgam'—why, mix it yourself!"
'Twas the voice of the Turtle, I heard him complain,
"You would wake me! Be off!! Let me slumber again!
Your 'Royal Commission on Unification'
Be ——!" something that seemed to convey commination.
"Ishan't 'tender evidence'—hang it, not I!—
Why I, as a separate body, should die!
I've power, prosperity, plumpness, and pelf;
If you want an 'Amalgam'—why, mix it yourself!"
[MissKlumpkehas just achieved a great triumph with a learned treatise on the Rings of Saturn.]
Oh! maiden, learned, wise, you canTo froward woman prove a pattern,You pay your due respect to ManBy writing up the Rings—of Saturn!
Oh! maiden, learned, wise, you canTo froward woman prove a pattern,You pay your due respect to ManBy writing up the Rings—of Saturn!
Oh! maiden, learned, wise, you can
To froward woman prove a pattern,
You pay your due respect to Man
By writing up the Rings—of Saturn!
New Prandial Proverbs.—What's underdone can't be helped. A bird in a pie is worth two in a dish. Apollinaris (or any other) water in time saves wine. The early guest gets it hot. It is never too late to dine.
A TRUTH IN SEASON.—What would Christmas be without the Cracker? Messrs. G.Sparagnapanehave their reply ready with their "Cracker Skirt-Dancer" and their "May Blossom" (so nice in December), which is a pleasant souvenir ofTheWedding. Of course, all these crackers will "go off" well!
INDEX