A VERY VULGAR BOY.

A VERY VULGAR BOY.A VERY VULGAR BOY."Askin' yer pardon, Miss, but might that 'ere little Dog's Tail ha' been cut off or druv' in?"

"Askin' yer pardon, Miss, but might that 'ere little Dog's Tail ha' been cut off or druv' in?"

It surely should not be allowed,The Modern Society Play,That dreadfully shockingKate Cloud,That badMrs. P. Tanqueray.That's what saidX. Y. Z.It elevates everyone,The Modern Society Play,You stupid old son of a gun.Replied, bursting into the fray,Fearless, free,H. B. Tree.Why make such a clamour? Oh, blowThe Modern Society Play!As nothing compels you to go,X. Y. Z., you can just stop away;Don't you see?So say we.

It surely should not be allowed,The Modern Society Play,That dreadfully shockingKate Cloud,That badMrs. P. Tanqueray.That's what saidX. Y. Z.

It surely should not be allowed,

The Modern Society Play,

That dreadfully shockingKate Cloud,

That badMrs. P. Tanqueray.

That's what said

X. Y. Z.

It elevates everyone,The Modern Society Play,You stupid old son of a gun.Replied, bursting into the fray,Fearless, free,H. B. Tree.

It elevates everyone,

The Modern Society Play,

You stupid old son of a gun.

Replied, bursting into the fray,

Fearless, free,

H. B. Tree.

Why make such a clamour? Oh, blowThe Modern Society Play!As nothing compels you to go,X. Y. Z., you can just stop away;Don't you see?So say we.

Why make such a clamour? Oh, blow

The Modern Society Play!

As nothing compels you to go,

X. Y. Z., you can just stop away;

Don't you see?

So say we.

"I shall be all right again soon, I'll be bound!" as a dilapidated First Edition observed.

[Yalev.Princeton University. "Before the game commenced an Inspector of police, who was on the ground, addressed the two teams, and cautioned them against violent play. This warning is without precedent in the history of the University contests."—Reuter.]

[Yalev.Princeton University. "Before the game commenced an Inspector of police, who was on the ground, addressed the two teams, and cautioned them against violent play. This warning is without precedent in the history of the University contests."—Reuter.]

Scene—Queen's Club. Oxford and Cambridge Football Match. Teams undergoing modern torture of ordeal by photograph.EnterPolice-Inspector,rampant, supported by two Peelers proper. He "addresses the two teams":—

I'm an Inspector bold, yet wary,So, gents, you must all take care,For I'm here to boss this battle,And see that you all fight fair.Now fisting, and scragging, and hacking,Are all fair enough, we say,But if gents exceed the limitsOf legitimate violent play,We'll run them in, we'll run them in,As sure as we're standing here,We'll run them in, we'll run them in,For the Peeler knows no fear!Of course you may fight each other,But you mustn't attack the crowd,For we can't have unlimited bloodshed,And weapons are not allowed.So, gents, I must kindly ask youTo enter the field withoutYour bludgeons and knives and pistols,Or else, beyond all doubt,We'll run you in, &c., &c.

I'm an Inspector bold, yet wary,So, gents, you must all take care,For I'm here to boss this battle,And see that you all fight fair.Now fisting, and scragging, and hacking,Are all fair enough, we say,But if gents exceed the limitsOf legitimate violent play,

I'm an Inspector bold, yet wary,

So, gents, you must all take care,

For I'm here to boss this battle,

And see that you all fight fair.

Now fisting, and scragging, and hacking,

Are all fair enough, we say,

But if gents exceed the limits

Of legitimate violent play,

We'll run them in, we'll run them in,As sure as we're standing here,We'll run them in, we'll run them in,For the Peeler knows no fear!

We'll run them in, we'll run them in,

As sure as we're standing here,

We'll run them in, we'll run them in,

For the Peeler knows no fear!

Of course you may fight each other,But you mustn't attack the crowd,For we can't have unlimited bloodshed,And weapons are not allowed.So, gents, I must kindly ask youTo enter the field withoutYour bludgeons and knives and pistols,Or else, beyond all doubt,

Of course you may fight each other,

But you mustn't attack the crowd,

For we can't have unlimited bloodshed,

And weapons are not allowed.

So, gents, I must kindly ask you

To enter the field without

Your bludgeons and knives and pistols,

Or else, beyond all doubt,

We'll run you in, &c., &c.

We'll run you in, &c., &c.

[Teams join in chorus. ExitInspectorto look after ambulance arrangements.

The Lord's Day Observance SocietyWould make us all pinks of propriety—All models of mental sobriety,That isStigginsandChadbandcombined.They gain, doubtless, some notorietyBy such overwhelming anxietyTo force on us their sort of pietyOf a most puritanical kind.ThisSunday at Homemental diet, IDislike, I would rather not try it; ISuggest that, by way of variety.Their own business now they should mind.

The Lord's Day Observance SocietyWould make us all pinks of propriety—All models of mental sobriety,That isStigginsandChadbandcombined.They gain, doubtless, some notorietyBy such overwhelming anxietyTo force on us their sort of pietyOf a most puritanical kind.ThisSunday at Homemental diet, IDislike, I would rather not try it; ISuggest that, by way of variety.Their own business now they should mind.

The Lord's Day Observance Society

Would make us all pinks of propriety—

All models of mental sobriety,

That isStigginsandChadbandcombined.

They gain, doubtless, some notoriety

By such overwhelming anxiety

To force on us their sort of piety

Of a most puritanical kind.

ThisSunday at Homemental diet, I

Dislike, I would rather not try it; I

Suggest that, by way of variety.

Their own business now they should mind.

How to Make Life Happy.—An Infallible Recipe:—Add fifty-nine to the latter half of it.***Solution will be given next week.

THE PLUNGER.THE PLUNGER.First Boy(much interested in the game of Buttons). "'As 'e lost?"Second Ditto."Yes; 'e lost all them Buttons what 'e won off Tommy Crowther yesterday, an' then 'e cut all the Buttons off 'is Clothes, and 'es lost them too!"

First Boy(much interested in the game of Buttons). "'As 'e lost?"

Second Ditto."Yes; 'e lost all them Buttons what 'e won off Tommy Crowther yesterday, an' then 'e cut all the Buttons off 'is Clothes, and 'es lost them too!"

Kelt and Salted.—It may be true, as you have heard, that Mr.Standish O'Gradyintends to supplement his series of Ossianic stories,Finn and his Companions, by a work entitledFin an' Haddock. But, we confess, the story seems a little fishy.

A Brummagem Spoon.—You are quite wrong. The creation of the character ofRip Van Winklewas, in point of time, far anterior to the invention of the Self-working Noiseless Screw. Mr.Chamberlain'splayful application of the term to LordHartingtondid not imply any proprietorship in the article. The right hon. gentleman was under the impression that he had come across the character in the course of his reading ofDickens'Christmas stories, and, wanting to say something nice of his noble friend, he just mentioned it. It led to some misunderstanding at the time, but has now been forgotten. See our answer to "Three Cows and an Acre" in the Christmas Number.

Residuary Legatee.—Certainly you may recover, especially if you can get A. to refund the money. Don't hesitate to sue. We make a practice of never accepting fees. The 6s.8d.you enclosed (in stamps, postal order preferable) we shall, at the first opportunity, place in the Poor Box.

Perplexed.—What do you mean by asking us to tell you "If a herring and a-half costs three hapence, how much will a dozen run you in for?" This is just one of those simple problems you can solve for yourself on reference to an ordinary book of arithmetic. Do you suppose we sit here to save the time of idle persons? Our mission is to supply information drawn from authorities not accessible to the average subscriber.

Algernon and Sibyl.—Consult SirGeorge Lewis, Ely Place, Holborn, E.C. We never advise on delicate subjects such as yours. It is impossible for us to reply to correspondents through the post. Our motto isAudi altem parterem. As the lady may not be familiar with the dead languages, we may perhaps do well to translate. Freely rendered, it means, "We desire that all parties (altem parterem) may hear and profit by our advice."

One-who-has-had-no-rest-to-speak-of-for-fifteen-years-owing-to-neuralgic- pains-and-a-next-door-neighbour-who-plays-the-piano-night-and-day.—No.

Beyond the Dreams of Avarice.—Your record of an incident in the early life of Mr.W. Astoris very interesting. "Musing by the waters of the mighty Hudson he," you say, "conceived the ambition of becoming one of the richest men in the world." It is pleasing to know that his recent entrance upon journalistic enterprise is likely to realise his boyhood's dream.

Advertisement Agent.—There is, we fear, no opening for you in this direction. "Silonio" is not the name of a new shaving soap, as you surmise. It is the title of honour given by the delegates of a remote but respectable African race to a great and good British statesman. Its literal translation into the English tongue is, we are informed, "Open-mouthed."

A Subscriber for Seventy Years.—Your poem, commencing,

Diggle Diggleden,How is BrotherBenn?Really, Mr.Riley,Ain't you rather wily?

Diggle Diggleden,How is BrotherBenn?Really, Mr.Riley,Ain't you rather wily?

Diggle Diggleden,

How is BrotherBenn?

Really, Mr.Riley,

Ain't you rather wily?

is perhaps a little monotonous in its interrogative form. But it is not without merit, especially from one of your advanced age. A fatal objection is that it should be out of date. The School-Board Elections, we are glad to say, were completed a fortnight ago. Try again—for some other paper.

[ProfessorHuxley, at the anniversary meeting of the Royal Society, suggested that in the future imaginative speaking at their dinners might be stimulated by the drinking of liquid oxygen,bien frappé.]

[ProfessorHuxley, at the anniversary meeting of the Royal Society, suggested that in the future imaginative speaking at their dinners might be stimulated by the drinking of liquid oxygen,bien frappé.]

Air—"Take hence the Bowl!"

Take hence the bowl; though beamingBrightly as bowl e'er shone,With Fizz sublimely creaming,Or Port or Zoedone.There is a new potationTo warm the hearts of men,And wake imagination—In Liquid Oxygen!Each cup I drain,bien frappé,My tongue pat talk can teach;It helps to make me happyIn after-dinner speech.At banquet, or at gala,I match such mighty menAsGladstone,Carr, orSala,On Liquid Oxygen!A fig for Mumm or Massio,Falernian and such fudge;(Thin stuff those tipples classicIf I am any judge.)But burning thoughts come o'er meAnd fire my tongue, or pen,When I've a bowl before meOf Liquid Oxygen!When fun needs stimulation,Or fancy fails in fire;When lags the long oration,Or tongues postprandial tire;Then take the tip Huxleyan,And one long swig,—and thenYou'll promptly raise a pæanTo Liquid Oxygen!

Take hence the bowl; though beamingBrightly as bowl e'er shone,With Fizz sublimely creaming,Or Port or Zoedone.There is a new potationTo warm the hearts of men,And wake imagination—In Liquid Oxygen!

Take hence the bowl; though beaming

Brightly as bowl e'er shone,

With Fizz sublimely creaming,

Or Port or Zoedone.

There is a new potation

To warm the hearts of men,

And wake imagination—

In Liquid Oxygen!

Each cup I drain,bien frappé,My tongue pat talk can teach;It helps to make me happyIn after-dinner speech.At banquet, or at gala,I match such mighty menAsGladstone,Carr, orSala,On Liquid Oxygen!

Each cup I drain,bien frappé,

My tongue pat talk can teach;

It helps to make me happy

In after-dinner speech.

At banquet, or at gala,

I match such mighty men

AsGladstone,Carr, orSala,

On Liquid Oxygen!

A fig for Mumm or Massio,Falernian and such fudge;(Thin stuff those tipples classicIf I am any judge.)But burning thoughts come o'er meAnd fire my tongue, or pen,When I've a bowl before meOf Liquid Oxygen!

A fig for Mumm or Massio,

Falernian and such fudge;

(Thin stuff those tipples classic

If I am any judge.)

But burning thoughts come o'er me

And fire my tongue, or pen,

When I've a bowl before me

Of Liquid Oxygen!

When fun needs stimulation,Or fancy fails in fire;When lags the long oration,Or tongues postprandial tire;Then take the tip Huxleyan,And one long swig,—and thenYou'll promptly raise a pæanTo Liquid Oxygen!

When fun needs stimulation,

Or fancy fails in fire;

When lags the long oration,

Or tongues postprandial tire;

Then take the tip Huxleyan,

And one long swig,—and then

You'll promptly raise a pæan

To Liquid Oxygen!

"There is nothing in Italy more beautiful to me than the coast-road between Genoa and Spezia." Remember these words ofDickens, in hisPictures from Italy, as I start from Pisa to see that lovely coast, and the Mediterranean, for the first time.

Pisa is sleepy, but the railway officials are wide awake. The man who sells me my ticket "forgets" one lira. This answers capitally with innocent old ladies from England or Germany. The old lady counts her change, and if she has carefully ascertained the fare by reading the price marked on her ticket, she finds at once that there is a halfpenny wanting. She never learns that this is the Government tax. "If you please," she begins; or, "Bitte," and then she goes off into—not hysterics, but French, and murmurs, "Seevooplay, je pongse vous devays avoir donnay moi un sou—er—er—more,vous comprenny?" or, "Il y a encore—er—er—fünfzig, vous savay, à moi à payer." Then the official answers, also in French, "Ah nong, Madame, ceci est la taxe doo gouvernemang sul biglietto, capisce?"

Whereupon the old lady is so agitated by the thought that she has wrongfully accused him of stealing a soldo, that she never notices that he has withheld a lira. If she counts her money later in the day, she will blame those nasty lira notes, which stick together so, that she must have given two somewhere instead of one. But the railway clerk is also prepared for any more exacting stranger, and holds the extra note ready for him. The clerk at Pisa does so, handing it to me, without a word of objection or explanation, as soon as I ask for it. The system is as perfect as it is simple. Having obtained my change, I start for the Mediterranean.

A First Impressionist.

(By the Right Hon. the Author of "The Platitudes of Life," M.P., F.R.S., D.C.L., LL.D.)

Chapter I.—De Omnibus Rebus.

"Ars longa, vita brevis;"1and indeed "man wants but little here below, nor wants that little long."2An oriental writer has told us that "all flesh is grass," to which a Scots poet3has replied, that "A man's a man for a' that." There is a Greek aphorism, not sufficiently well known, which saysγνῶθι σεαυτόν. This has been ably rendered byPopein the words "Know thyself."4Proverbially "piety begins at home," but it is wrong to deduce from this that education ends when we leave school; "it goes on through life."5

Books are an educational force. They "have often been compared to friends,"6whom we "never cut."7They "are better than all the tarts and toys in the world."8It is not generally known that "English literature is the inheritance of the English race,"9on whose Empire, by the way, "the sun never sets." We even have "books in the running brooks," as the Bard of Avon10tells us; so that not only "he that runs," but he that swims, "may read."

"Knowledge for the million,"11is the "fin de siècle"12cry of the hour. But "life is real, life is earnest,"13and we have no time to study original thinkers such asConfuciusandTupper. "Altiora Peto"14is a saying for the leisured class only. The mass must get its wisdom second-hand and concentrated. If "reading maketh a full man,"15this kind of reading maketh a man to burst. Hence the "sad in sweet"16of the book of quoted platitudes. Yet, of course, "there are great ways of borrowing. Genius borrows nobly."17And it is well to have "the courage of" other people's "opinions."

But reading is not all. You must "use your head."18And you must, and can, keep it too. For a good man's head is not like a seed-cake that passes in the using. And, again, remember the proverb that "manners makyth man"; though this is not the true cause of the over-population of our islands. In social life much will depend on the way in which you behave to others. "Never lose your temper, and if you do, at any rate hold your tongue, and try not to show it"19—except, one may add, to a doctor.

Many people cannot say "No!" Others early learn to say "No!" when asked to do disagreeable things. "Mens sana in corporesano." If the last word is pronouncedSay No, this constitutes a word-play. There are some bad word-plays inShakspeare. I disapprove of humour, new or old.

"No man who knows what his income is, and what he is spending, will run into extravagance."20Plutarchtells us of a man whose income was £500, and he spent £5000 a year knowingly. This must have been an exceptional case. There is an obscure dictum that "money is the root of all evil." "Gold! gold!"21said an ill-known poet, and, on the other hand, "Hail, independence!"22said another. "If thou art rich, thou'rt poor"23is on the face of it an untruth.

1"Principia Latina."

2Goldsmith.

3Burns.

4"Essay on Man."

5Lubbock.

6Lubbock.

7"Punch."

8Macaulay.

9Lubbock.

10Shakspeare.

11Calverley.

12Oscar Wilde.

13Longfellow.

14Lawrence Oliphant.

15Bacon.

16Browning.

17Emerson.

18Lubbock.

19Lubbock.

20Lubbock.

21Park Benjamin.

22Churchill.

23Shakspeare.

A PRECISIAN.A PRECISIAN.Professor Erasmus Scoles(of Epipsychidion Villa, St. John's Wood). "Can you tell me, Constable, whether there are any more—er—Atlantesto come up to-night?"D. 134."Any More 'ow Much?"

Professor Erasmus Scoles(of Epipsychidion Villa, St. John's Wood). "Can you tell me, Constable, whether there are any more—er—Atlantesto come up to-night?"

D. 134."Any More 'ow Much?"

When the century, growing a little bit mellow,Produces carnations outrageously green;When you notice a delicate, dairy-like yellowAdorn the pale face of the best margarine;When canaries, all warranted excellent singers,Are sold in the street for a shilling apiece,But at home all the yellow comes off on your fingers,Substrata of brown making daily increase;When a lady you happen to meet on a MondayWith hair that is grey, and with cheeks that are old,Appears shortly after, the following Sunday,With rosy complexion, and tresses of gold;When a nursemaid has one of the worst scarlet-fevers,Or merely, it may be, a fit of the blues;When you're offered "Old Masters" as black as coal-heavers,Or shirts of quite "fast" unwashoutable hues;When a blue ribbon's equally known as denotingTeetotal fanatics, a Rad, or a Tory—In these and like cases too num'rous for quotingRemember oldVirgil, "Ne crede colori."

When the century, growing a little bit mellow,Produces carnations outrageously green;When you notice a delicate, dairy-like yellowAdorn the pale face of the best margarine;When canaries, all warranted excellent singers,Are sold in the street for a shilling apiece,But at home all the yellow comes off on your fingers,Substrata of brown making daily increase;When a lady you happen to meet on a MondayWith hair that is grey, and with cheeks that are old,Appears shortly after, the following Sunday,With rosy complexion, and tresses of gold;When a nursemaid has one of the worst scarlet-fevers,Or merely, it may be, a fit of the blues;When you're offered "Old Masters" as black as coal-heavers,Or shirts of quite "fast" unwashoutable hues;When a blue ribbon's equally known as denotingTeetotal fanatics, a Rad, or a Tory—In these and like cases too num'rous for quotingRemember oldVirgil, "Ne crede colori."

When the century, growing a little bit mellow,

Produces carnations outrageously green;

When you notice a delicate, dairy-like yellow

Adorn the pale face of the best margarine;

When canaries, all warranted excellent singers,

Are sold in the street for a shilling apiece,

But at home all the yellow comes off on your fingers,

Substrata of brown making daily increase;

When a lady you happen to meet on a Monday

With hair that is grey, and with cheeks that are old,

Appears shortly after, the following Sunday,

With rosy complexion, and tresses of gold;

When a nursemaid has one of the worst scarlet-fevers,

Or merely, it may be, a fit of the blues;

When you're offered "Old Masters" as black as coal-heavers,

Or shirts of quite "fast" unwashoutable hues;

When a blue ribbon's equally known as denoting

Teetotal fanatics, a Rad, or a Tory—

In these and like cases too num'rous for quoting

Remember oldVirgil, "Ne crede colori."

VI.—Preparing for the Poll.

When I do a thing, I like to do it properly, for even my worst enemies, who call me a fool, admit that I'm athoroughfool. I have accordingly lost no time in getting to work at my electoral campaign. I commenced at a great disadvantage. The other seven candidates were electioneering for a week before the Parish Meeting, and the result was that they all polled three times as many votes as I did. That has happened once. I don't intend that it shall happen more than once.

'Vote for Winkins—a good All-round Man.'"Vote for Winkins—a good All-round Man."

"Vote for Winkins—a good All-round Man."

The first move I made was to cover my house with placards. I noticed that in a recent election Mr.Athelston Rileyhad pursued these tactics with great success, so I plastered the whole of the walls with "Winkins for Mudford"—"Vote for Winkins,"—but thereby hangs a tale. I gave my instructions to the local printer, and told him where they were to be posted, directing him to do it in the twilight, so that the whole effect might dawn once and for ever upon an astonished village in the morning. He did it, but unfortunately he didn't keep a proof-reader. I noticed next day, before I went out, that all the school-children looked up at the house and giggled. I thought it was merely the inappreciativeness of the youthful mind. There I was wrong. It was the fact that the children knew how to spell that caused the mischief. My house was covered with appeals to "Wote for Vinkins!" It did not take long to get new bills printed, but I am not disposed to deny I was a trifle disconcerted by this false start.

I am now hard at work canvassing. My wife flatly declines to help, and I'm afraid to suggest the girls should take the field in support of their father. I tried to secure the services of the vicar's two daughters, but he only wrote rather a stiff note to say that he thought they would have quite enough to do in advocating his claims. I am not always at one with the clergy, but for once I agree with him. Ihavesucceeded, however, in getting MissPhill Burttto help me. Her full name is, of course,Phyllis; but it's always called and spelt "Phill"—I could never understand why. She's a most delightful girl, and is worth, at least, a hundred votes to me. As I explained once before, she has an extraordinary habit of calling all the villagers "idiots"—of course, I mean to her friends (such as myself), not to the villagers themselves. I asked her one day why, if she thought them idiots, she was kind enough to take the trouble to canvass them. "Well, you see," she said with a charming smile that was all her own; "I'm asking them to vote foryou." At the time I thought this was a pretty saying, prettily said. I even told it with some amount of pride to my wife just to show her that there were people who did not sympathise with her haughty indifference. Curiously enough my wife only laughed consumedly. When she had recovered, I asked her why she laughed. "Do youreallymean to say,Timothy," was her reply, "that you don't see what she meant?"

"Well, though it may seem idiotic...." I said, and was going to add, "I don't," but before I said that, Ididsee what she (Phyllis, of course, I mean)mighthave meant. Yet I hope she didn't. MissBurtthas only one drawback as a canvasser. She is so ridiculously scrupulous, I came across an old woman the other day who was quite deaf to my appeals. Whilst I reasoned with her, I found out how kindPhylliswas to her. "MissPhill, she's really good to us poor people. I'd vote forherif she was standing." I left, having produced no impression. A day or two after I met MissPhill Burtt, and asked her to go and canvass the old woman; I felt sure she could secure her vote. Will it be believed that she wouldn't? She said it would be really undue influence if she did. How strange that even the nicest of women are so strangely unpractical at times! Another woman she refused to see because she never called upon her at ordinary times. Still, with all her faults, MissBurttis a tower of strength, and as I see her daily going about, canvass book in hand, my hopes rise higher and higher.

SirPhilip Sidneywas, as all the world knows, "a veray parfit gentil knight." Possibility of this presupposition of knowledge is fortunate, since MissAnna M. Stoddart'saccount of this heroic figure is not, my Baronite sorrowfully says, likely to convey any adequate idea of its personality. Mr.Fox Bourneand Mr.Addington Symondshave written biographies of the Elizabethan soldier, in which he boldly stands forth. MissStoddartmodestly says her object is "in no way to compete with" these standard works. But why write at all? The marvel is, as Dr.Johnsondid not exactly say in illustration of an argument respecting another feminine achievement, not that the work should not have been well done, but that it possibly could be done with such wooden effect. If MissStoddarthad taken a sheet of paper and with her pair of scissors cut out the figure of a man, writing across it "This isPhilip Sidney," she would have conveyed quite as clear and moving a picture of the man as is found in the 111 pages of her book. But then, Mr.Blackwoodwould not have published the scrap of paper, and we should not have had the charming portrait ofSidney, or the sketches of Penshurst byMargaret L. Hugginswhich adorn the daintily got-up volume.

My Baronitess writes:—S. Baring Gouldturns into delightful English prose some of the ancient Icelandic Sagas, or songs, and shows us howGrettir the Outlawwas a Grettir man than was generally supposed by anyone who had never heard very much about him. When he departed, was he very much Re-grettir'd by all who knew him?

Messrs.MacmillanofferMy New Home, provided by Mrs.Molesworth, which many of the little "new" women would like to see. Illustrated byL. Leslie Brooke: "Brooke" suggests "water colours,"—a new idea fornextChristmas.

Sou'-wester and Sword, byHugh St. Leger. A nautical and military combination. The Sou'wester of a tar is not at all at sea when, after a pleasant little shipwreck, he joins the forces at Suakim. The winner ofthisSt. Legerwas a rank outsider, with the odds against him, but he wins the day by "throstling" (a new word) a few Soudanese; who must have seemed quite forty to one!

A cousin, especially a Colonial, is such a very pleasant indistinct sort of relative, that he is bound to be a hero of romance, though perhaps a cousin at hand is worth two in the bush; at least, so thinks the heroine inMy Cousin from Australia, byEvelyn Everett Green(Hutchinson & Co.); whilst the one whom she should have wed was of course a wicked Baronet (does one often meet a good Baronet in fiction?), who tries to upset his successful rival by giving him a tip over an agreeably high cliff. It is a Christmas story, and so the "tip" is just at the right time. How it ends——You'll see.

Black and Whitehas gone in for a shilling's worth of the truly wonderful inThe Dream Club, byBarrie PainandEden Philpotts. It is quite an after-turkey, plum-pudding, mince-pie dinner story. How authors and artists must have suffered, judging, at least, by the delightful nightmare illustrations. And the picture-lady of the cover—ahem!—she has evidently forgotten that she is supposed to be "out" at Christmas.

Between the boards ofLothar Meggendorfer'smoveable toy-books (H. Grevel & Co.) lies genuine fun.The Scenes of the Life of a Masherare simply irresistible. Little ones will be delighted withThe Transformation Scenes, besides, there isCharming Varietywith aParty of Six. These books are a good tip for a Christmas gift for the representatives of Tommy and Harry.

HadG. W. Appleton'sThe Co-Respondent—an attractive title—been in the form of a short magazine story, it would probably have been amusing from first to last. Now it is only amusing at first. Good idea all the same. The old quotation about "SirHubert Stanley" is brought in, and, of course, incorrectly. It is not "Praisefrom SirHubert Stanley," but "approbation." However, as it is said by a light-hearted girl of a very modern type, it may be assumed that the misquotation is intentional.

The B. de B.-W.

Transcriber's NoteMissing or damaged punctuation has been repaired.Page 279: 'beariny' corrected to 'bearing'."EnterThe Visible Prince (like theKingand his companions in "Love's Labour's Lost")"in Russian habits" but bearing a true British face, notmasked."Page 286: 'neigbbour' corrected to 'neighbour'."and-a-next-door-neighbour-who-plays-the-piano-night-and-day."

Missing or damaged punctuation has been repaired.

Page 279: 'beariny' corrected to 'bearing'.

"EnterThe Visible Prince (like theKingand his companions in "Love's Labour's Lost")"in Russian habits" but bearing a true British face, notmasked."

Page 286: 'neigbbour' corrected to 'neighbour'.

"and-a-next-door-neighbour-who-plays-the-piano-night-and-day."


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