NOT CAUGHT YET!NOT CAUGHT YET!MASTER LONDON-COUNTY-COUNCIL. "IF I CAN ONLY GET NEAR ENOUGH!!!"
'Oh, I mustn't Catch the Speaker's Eye!'"Oh, I mustn't Catch the Speaker's Eye!"
The first night of the Mixed Italian Opera Season, 1891. We open with GLÜCK'sOrféo, and, in a strong opera-glass, we drink to DRURIOLANUS OPERATICUS, and say, "Here's G-luck t'you!" Nothing can begin the season better than the appearance of GIULIA and SOFIA RAVOGLI—specially GIULIA—"There's something 'bout GIULIA So werry peculia'"—(Old Song)—in this short Opera, that is to say, an Opera which should be short were it not for the "waits" between the Scenes and Acts, which, as it is in the nature of weights to do, must always make even the lightest Opera seem heavy. Mlle. GIULIA sang and acted perfectly. Her rendering of the last song was most pathetic. This delicious melody the audience would have had over and over again, not in merry mood, for we are never merry in the hearing of such sweet music, but in appreciative sympathy with the woes ofOrpheusso sweetly expressed. The lines inBombastesrise in my memory:—
"So ORPHEUS sang of old, or poets lie,And—"
"So ORPHEUS sang of old, or poets lie,And—"
"So ORPHEUS sang of old, or poets lie,
And—"
On consideration, however, I willnotquote the remainder, but will say simply that we were all charmed. Welcome, at the commencement of another season, to Mlle. BAUERMEISTER, appearing asCupid. To-morrow she will beDame Marta! Wonderful! "Time cannot stale her infinite variety." How is it, Opremière danseuse, my pretty pretty Polly Hop-kino PALLADINO, Principal Shade among all these Happy but Shady characters, that thou didst not choose a classic dance in keeping with the character of the music and of the ideal—I distinctly emphasise "ideal"—surroundings? What oughtest thou to represent in the Elysian Fields? A Salvationised "Dancing Girl," without bonnet and tambourine? Nay, not so; but rather the very spirit of classic grace and elegance, moving rhythmically to melodious measure. In such a Scene as this ought to be, we want as much idealism as your graceful art can lend, otherwise we are only among our old friends, "the ladies and gentlemen of the Chorus"—bless em!—representing most substantially the "Shades of the Blessed," who appear to be Shades of every colour. GIULIA RAVOGLI, however, kept us entranced in the ancient classic land where once we used to wander. "Vive Lemprière!"
Talking about Marguerite behind her Back; or, ''Tails' out of School.'Talking about Marguerite behind her Back; or, "'Tails' out of School."
Second Night.—Faust, with a newMarguerite, Gay dog,Faust. How manyMargueriteshave there been even in my time! Same old story.Faustnot a whit improved by experience—going on just the same as ever. His newMargueritedoes credit to his choice, for Mlle. EAMES—(isn't she Miss EAMES, and neither Mademoiselle nor Signora? And doesn't she hail from Columbia?—but no matter)—is a sweet-lookingMarguerite, with a voice as true as is her heart toFaust. A genuineGretchen, simple not brilliant. Brilliancy she leaves to property diamonds, but awakes enthusiasm, by her judicious acting over the inert body ofValentine, when she attempts no sudden Colwell-Hatchney shriek, always so perilous. Signor PEROTTI looked asFaustmight have done, had he been elected an Alderman of the City of London and acted up to the character. If DRURIOLANUS had lent him his Sheriff's chain to wear, Signor PEROTTI would have been perfect, that is from this point of view. M. MAUREL excellent asMephistoin a new suit of clothes. He appears now as "The Gentleman in Grey"—rather suggestive of his having become a Volunteer, and a member, of course, of "the Devil's Own." ImagineMephistophelesre-dressed at last! On both nights Signor MANCINELLI, the Conductor, seemed pleased, and that's something.
The New Faust, a mixture of Henry the Eighth and Colonel N——th.The New Faust, a mixture of Henry the Eighth and Colonel N——th.
Great feature in Covent Garden this year is the decoration of the Pit-tier Lobby. DRURIOLANUS, feeling happy at the Opera prospects, and rejoicing in a full subscription, said to the Committee, "Gentlemen, let's have 'glasses round'!" Some officious person, hearing this, mistook the meaning of the great Chief, and straightway ran off and orderedlooking-glasses all round for the Lobby!Grand effect! brilliant! dazzling!—too much so, in fact; several glasses too much. So, after a couple of nights' reflection, when thehabituéscame on Thursday, behold, two or three of the aristocratic mirrors or Peer-glasses had disappeared, the hat-pegs of former times had been restored, the wounded susceptibilities of the Stall-keepers whose occupation was partly gone, were healed, and where gloom was spreading, wreathed smiles once more prevailed. Even now these Opera-glasses are rather too powerful. Still, "let us see ourselves as others see us," is a good practical motto for the loiterer in the lobby, as he catches sight of himself,en passant, and wonders who that chap is, whose face he has seen somewhere before, but whose name he can't for the life of him recollect.
Thursday.—Carmen. Disappointed with JULIA RAVOGLI in this, though there are some fine bits of acting in it. Didn't care much about Sister SOFIA asMickie the Maiden, M. LUBERT'sDon Joségood but not great; and M. CELLI, who, in default of M. DEVOYOD's not being able to appear, took the part ofEscamillo, was great, but not very good. He was, however, well supported by Signor RANDEGGER and the Orchestra, and considering the difficulties he had to struggle with, including an apology in the bills, he came out of it safely.
Saturday.—Re-appearance of the great DE RESZKE Brothers, JOHN and NED (what's JOHN without an 'ed?) inLohengrin. Admirable. JULIA RAVOGLI excellent asOrtruda, and M. MAUREL equally so asFreddy. But why did he "feather his skull," like the Jolly Young Waterman, in so remarkable a style? However, hisFreddyis a feather in his cap with which he ought to be satisfied. Miss EAMES asElsaeven better than asMarguerite. Crammed house. "Friends in front" more than satisfied. Good start.
Oh, the early green pea! the early green pea!Is the dish of all dishes to set before me!You may tell me of salmon caught fresh from the Tay,The beauties of plump white spring chicken display,The strawberry ripened three months before date—All these and much else you may set on my plate!But of them, no not one, stirs such rapture in meAs the sweet, mellow taste of the Early Green Pea!Oh, the early green pea, the pea of my taste,Must be gently assisted, not forced in hot haste,Lest the flavour it yield prove delusive and flat,In no way suggesting the young Marrowfat!But if it do this, oh what more could I wish,Than to see a young duckling form part of the dish!So with such a banquet spread out before me,Can you ask why I worship the Early Green Pea!
Oh, the early green pea! the early green pea!Is the dish of all dishes to set before me!You may tell me of salmon caught fresh from the Tay,The beauties of plump white spring chicken display,The strawberry ripened three months before date—All these and much else you may set on my plate!But of them, no not one, stirs such rapture in meAs the sweet, mellow taste of the Early Green Pea!
Oh, the early green pea! the early green pea!
Is the dish of all dishes to set before me!
You may tell me of salmon caught fresh from the Tay,
The beauties of plump white spring chicken display,
The strawberry ripened three months before date—
All these and much else you may set on my plate!
But of them, no not one, stirs such rapture in me
As the sweet, mellow taste of the Early Green Pea!
Oh, the early green pea, the pea of my taste,Must be gently assisted, not forced in hot haste,Lest the flavour it yield prove delusive and flat,In no way suggesting the young Marrowfat!But if it do this, oh what more could I wish,Than to see a young duckling form part of the dish!So with such a banquet spread out before me,Can you ask why I worship the Early Green Pea!
Oh, the early green pea, the pea of my taste,
Must be gently assisted, not forced in hot haste,
Lest the flavour it yield prove delusive and flat,
In no way suggesting the young Marrowfat!
But if it do this, oh what more could I wish,
Than to see a young duckling form part of the dish!
So with such a banquet spread out before me,
Can you ask why I worship the Early Green Pea!
IN MEMORIAM.—As a tribute expressive of the high estimation in which the late Mr. P.T. BARNUM was held in England, why not endow a "Barnum Exhibition" at one of the Colleges of either University? We have "Smith's Prizeman," why not "Barnum Exhibitioner"?
"THE PRODIGY SON."—The three-act pantomime play at the Prince of Wales's has "caught on," as we predicted it would. Manager SEDGER thinks of temporarily adopting as his motto for this theatre, "Speech is silvern, silence is golden."
THE RAIKES' PROGRESS.THE RAIKES' PROGRESS.
"Now," said the Surgeon-Field-Marshal-Commanding-in-Chief, as he stood before his men; "I have the greatest confidence in your skill. There is not one of you present who cannot perform an operation as successfully as myself;" here there was a murmur of polite denial in the ranks. "Nay, it is no flattery—I mean it. These are my last instructions. We are few, the enemy are many. We are not only soldiers but medical men. And as medical men it is our business to cure the wounds that we inflict in our more strictly military capacity."
Again there was a murmur—this time of cordial approval.
"Well, Gentlemen, as we have been taught in our drill, what the first rank breaks, the rear rank must bandage up. This would be all very well if our numbers were told by thousands, or even hundreds, instead of tens. But to-day we must use the bayonet rather than the lancet, the bullet in preference to the pill." Stealthy applause followed this observation. "But be careful. Common humanity calls upon us to do as little damage as possible. You know your anatomy sufficiently well to avoid inflicting a wound upon a vital part, and can so arrange that your blows shall incapacitate rather than functionally derange. And now, my friends, put your instrument-boxes and pharmacopoeias in your haversacks, and draw your swords. All ready? Yes! Then, 'Up, Guards, and at them!'"
With a wild cheer the Royal Regiment of Physicians and Surgeons (which had recently been admitted into the Service on the footing of the Royal Engineers) rushed forward. It was a beautiful sight to see them performing the most delicate operations in the kindest manner imaginable. The enemy trembled, wavered, and fled. In a moment the Royal Regiment had put up their swords and taken out their medical appliances. Their military duties done, and they were doctors once again, ready to help those who demanded their semi-civilian services. They had scarcely been engaged in this manner ten minutes when the Surgeon-Field-Marshal-Commanding-in-Chief cantered up to them. "Men," he cried, "drop your surgical instruments, and draw your swords. The enemy are again upon us! We must take their fort!"
In a moment the Royal Regiment was on the march. On their way, some of their comrades, wounded by the foe (in a bungling fashion), appealed to them for succour.
"Very Sorry," replied the Surgeon-Field-Marshal-Commanding-in-Chief, in a tone of commiseration; "very sorry indeed, but we can't attend to you. At this moment we are acting in our strictly military capacity!" And the Royal Regiment of Physicians and Surgeons, full of enthusiasm (but in rather loose formation) continued their march to the fort.
Night Mare.Night Mare.
Tourmalin's Time Cheques, drawn on the bank of eccentric imagination by ANSTEY-GUTHRIE, is well worthy of the author ofVice Versâ. The construction of the story is as artful as it is artistic, but the Baron cannot give his reason for this opinion without jeopardising the reader's pleasure. Still the Baron feels pretty certain that when the much-amused and greatly-chuckling but diligent and conscientious peruser of this light-hearted romance arrives at the last few pages, he will frown, rub his eyes, refer back to the very commencement of the story,—and then? Will he bless ANSTEY and blow GUTHRIE, or bless GUTHRIE and blow ANSTEY, or will he, being more tickled than ever, rush off to recommend it at once to his best friends, anticipating renewed delight from their pleasure and perplexity? The Baron wishes that ANSTEY and GUTHRIE had settled between them to call itTourmalin's Time Bargains; but it is very likely that if ANSTEY suggested it, GUTHRIE rejected it, or, if the Baron may be permitted to say so without infringement of copyright, "vice versâ." It is a great satisfaction to know that unlike the ERCKMANN-CHATRIAN collaboration, the ANSTEY-GUTHRIE partnership cannot be dissolved. JEKYL-AND-HYDE can cease to be, and JEKYL may alone survive; but the Baron rejoices in the fact of the mysterious bond between ANSTEY and GUTHRIE being indissoluble. ReadTourmalin's Time Cheques, and remember the prognostications of THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.
A SWEEPING REFORM.A SWEEPING REFORM.Crossing Sweeper. "WOT'S THIS HERE? WOT! DO AWAY WITH THE 'CLEAN-YOUR-DOOR-STEP' HAMATOOR, AND MAKE IT A PAID PURFESSION!! WHY, S'HELP ME, THEY'LL BE DOIN' AWAY WITH ME AND MY BROOM NEX', AND P'RAPS 'AVE THE CROSSIN'S SWEP' BY MASHEENERY! YAH!"
House of Commons, Monday, April 6.—School reopened after Easter Holidays. OLD MORALITY duly in his place, but not many of the boys. Civil Service Estimates on; PLUNKET in charge on Ministerial side; SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE Leader of Opposition. Hammered away all night on old familiar lines. Ghosts of old acquaintances feebly crossed floor, disappearing behind SPEAKER's chair. Kensington Palace, with its cost; Bushey House; Cambridge Cottage; admission to Holyrood Palace; the deer in Home Park at Hampton Court; the pheasants in Richmond Park; the frescoes in House of Lords; the Grille of the Ladies' Gallery: the British Consular House at Cairo—each came up in turn; talked about; protested against; explained; divided upon, and voted. PLUNKET left to himself on Treasury Bench; bore up with unflagging energy and perennial patience; has heard same points raised every year since he was First Commissioner; has made same replies, and has seen Votes passed. Long before he was in office same thing used to go on with other First Commissioners. That was before the SAGE had taken to politics. Good old RYLANDS—"Preposterous PETER"—was then the Grand Inquisitor. But it was the same deer, the same gas-bills, the same question of free residence for "that eminent warrior," as the SAGE to-night called him, the Dook of CAMBRIDGE.
Oddly enough, almost only flash of humour through long sitting came from GEORGE CAMPBELL. Gave graphic description of his hanging about Holyrood Palace hankering after admission. According to existing regulation, admission to be gained only after bang goes two saxpences. For sixteen years Sir GEORGE ever lured to vicinity; sometimes casually entered doorway, proposing to loiter past ticket-collector; stopped by demand of a shilling, had resisted temptation. That was sad, but what he felt most acutely was injury done to his nation. Americans visiting Edinburgh on their way to Paris went to Holyrood: charged a shilling. "Ha! ha!" they cried, "see these stingy Scotchmen. They charge a shilling before they throw open their one Palace door, whilst in England you may roam through the Palaces free of charge,"
"Sir," cried Sir GEORGE, his voice under generous excitement of the moment taking on rasping tone, "the arrangement is prejudicial to the reputation of Scotchmen."
"This," said the SAGE, "will, I think, be an opportunity of going out for another cigarette."
Business done.—Handsful of Votes in Supply.
'Another cigarette.'"Another cigarette."
Tuesday.—NAPOLEON B. BOLTON strolled down to House to-night, intending to hear what TOMLINSON had to say on Emigration arrangements. In family circle it has always been considered that, as far as personal resemblance to NAPOLEON BONAPARTE goes, the late Prince JEROME wasn't in it with the Member for St. Pancras. BOLTON blushingly pooh-poohs the fond little fancy; but he is of kindly disposition; not inclined to insist on his opinion in controversy to other people's. Indeed, has gone so far as to furnish himself with fancy dress, fashioned on the style of that worn by the great NAPOLEON on State occasions. To-night, been at a children's party, showing himself in his uniform. Am told that, when he folds his arms, throws back his head, and recites, "On Linden, when the sun was low," you would think the Great Emperor had come back from St. Helena.
Intended to-night to create sensation in House. Doubted whether, as he was not about to move the Address, he would be permitted to enter with sword by his side. But he would be free of the smoke-room; might posture in the Lobby; might read an evening paper in the tea-room, whilst others enviously glanced at his epaulettes.
Here he was at ten minutes past nine standing in his favourite attitude at the Bar, no one having challenged his entrance. Fact is, House was up; not Counted Out, but having duly gone through the Orders and passed the Second Reading of an important measure. Such a day the Government had had! At Morning Sitting had ramped through the Orders, advancing Bill after Bill through critical stages. House nearly empty; Opposition effaced; Irish Members all absent except Brer RABBIT, who wanders about looking for Brer FOX. The only note of discord sounded in voice of GEORGE CAMPBELL. Report of Supply reached at a quarter to seven. At ten minutes to seven, in accordance with Rule ordering Morning Sitting, Debate must stop. One or two questions asked; quickly answered by PLUNKET; Vote after Vote agreed to on report stage. Then CAMPBELL gets up and wants to know about lighting the National History Museum at night?
Twelve minutes to seven.
PLUNKET looks anxiously at clock. If CAMPBELL would put his question and sit down he might be answered, and report stage got through. But CAMPBELL goes on till hand of clock points to ten minutes to seven.
"Order, order!" cries SPEAKER. Time limit reached; no more debate; CAMPBELL not finished yet; attempts to proceed; angry shouts of "Order! Order!" before which he subsides. Then, watching opportunity, suddenly bolts up again and wants to explain that he was not opposing the passage of report stage of Supply. "No, but you talked it out," said PLUNKET, with something less than his customary suavity.
Napoleon B. Bolton.Napoleon B. Bolton.
This happened more than two hours ago. There has been the suspension of the Sitting, the resumption at nine o'clock, the Second Reading of the Rating of Machinery Bill; and now all is over, the guests are fled, the garlands dead, and all but NAPOLEON B. BOLTON departed. He, in fact, has only just arrived, and wishes he had not been in such a hurry to quit the circle where of late he was the object of awed admiration.
Business done.—Trenormous!
Thursday.—House filled up to-night; flowing tide evidently with us, including Mr. G., back after his holidays. Also Prince ARTHUR; been in training for some weeks in anticipation of long spurt in Committee on Irish Land Bill. Irish Members also returned in considerable force. Expected to find TIM HEALY arrive in fragments; but he's all there, much as usual.
"How's Brer FOX?" I asked him, wishing to hear latest news from Ireland.
"Oh," said he, "PARNELL's looking up."
"What do you mean?" I asked, astonished at this testimony.
"I mean, he's on his back, and, being in that position, must of course be looking up, if he's looking anywhere at all."
Light-hearted TIM! Time does not wither, or DALTON O'BRIEN stale, his infinite variety.
Scotch Members on before Ireland was approached. Something about the Scotch Private Bill Procedure Bill. Formidable List of Amendments to LORD-ADVOCATE's proposal to nominate Committee. All the Clans muster. NOVAR moves Amendment; CAMPBELL-BANNER-MAN objected that thirteen Scotch Members, including LENG and LYON PLAYFAIR, "would not make an adequate Committee." ROBERT-SON brought against the LORD-ADVOCATE the grave charge that he was "interpolating an extraneous and alien body into this business." Lord KINGSBURY, ex-Lord-Advocate, happened to be under Gallery on chance visit to House. Heard this remark with huge delight. Reminded him of the times when he used to sit through long nights with back fairly set against the Gangway post of Treasury Bench, invoking blessings on head of Duke of ARGYLL, and driving the Liberal Scotch Members wild with his perpetual smile of content.
'Interpolating an extraneous and alien body.'"Interpolating an extraneous and alien body."
Business done.—Committee on Irish Land Bill started.
Friday Night.—When House met at Morning Sitting OLD MORALITY discovered on Treasury Bench, looking more than usually guileless. Been badgered all week about Labour Committee. When going to disclose names of Commissioners and set forth terms of reference? Only yesterday Brer RABBIT put the question, intimating that whenever the announcement was made Adjournment of House would be moved in order to protest against omission of DAVITT's name. OLD MORALITY answering, said it was possible he might be able to make the announcement to-day, but much more likely on Monday.
Everyone thought it would be Monday. Brer RABBIT in his place to-day, but his men absent. OLD MORALITY, with positively a halo of innocency round his head, suddenly appeared at table; read out the list of Commissioners. Brer RABBIT's hand forced; must needs forthwith ask leave to move the Adjournment.
"Got your forty men?" asked the SPEAKER.
"Not quite," said Brer RABBIT, apologetically.
Only twenty-nine; so Brer RABBIT bowled out, and opportunity lost.
"Dear me!" said OLD MORALITY; "how very unfortunate. Now if I'd only waited till Monday, House would have been quite full; Brer RABBIT would have got his forty men twice over; we should have had an embarrassing Debate, and lost several hours of the sitting. As things have turned out, we can now go straight on with business."
Business done.—In Committee on Irish Land Bill.
THE RETURN OF THE WANDERER.—JOHNNIE has come marching home. JOHN LAWRENCE TOOLE, of the wide world generally, of London peculiarly, and of King William Street particularly, has returned. Divine WILLIAMS, always on the spot for any remarkable event, foresaw the happy day when, inHenry the Eighth, Act v., So. 3, he wrote, "The great TOOLE come!" May we venture to surmise that it will not be long ere we see the announcement of our favourite comedian's appearance in an entirely new and original farce entitledIci on Parle Français?
WHAT'S IN A NAME? (From a Correspondent).—Sir, I send you a cutting from a communication of J. MORTIMER GRANVILLE's, toThe Lancet, No. 3,527, p. 798. Which when found make a note of:—"Instead of thallin I use a Periodohydromethyloxychinolin, because that is better borne, and seems to be more effective than the Tetrahydroparaquinasol." These two words would be a good penn'orth in a telegram. Yours, EPIGRAMMATIST.
Dramatic Author(to very friendly critic). Seen my new piece? eh?Premièrelast night.
Very friendly Critic. Dear me! "One night only!" Hope they've got something ready for this evening. [Exit, chuckling.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.