House of Commons, Monday, April 27.—"Well, I never!" said GEORGE ELLIOT, beaming on House from back bench; "have known HARCOURT man and boy for forty years; seen him in divers moods; watched him through various occupations. These have been so many that I have had time to forget he was once Chancellor of the Exchequer; but he was, and upon my word, listening to him to-night, and knowing something about figures myself, I believe he would have made a splash at the Treasury."
Genial George.Genial George.
JOKIM doesn't enjoy performance quite so much as GENIAL GEORGE. Oddly enough, Budget Night, which ought to be the apex of comfort and glory for CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER, is with him ever the season of tribulation. House of Commons is, regarded as audience, always at its best on Budget Night. Will laugh immoderately at feeblest joke uttered by CHANCELLOR; cheers to the echo his moral sentiments; sits enraptured when he soars into eloquence; and is undisguisedly grateful when he has completed his peroration. JOKIM'S muddle of Thursday night made the best of. Opposition silenced by promised legislation establishing Free Education. Everything in sunshine-glow of prosperity. Thought JOKIM might keep some of the sunbeams for himself. Then comes HARCOURT with the abhorrëd shears of facts and figures, and slits the thin-spun web of JOKIM'S ingenious fancy; shows that, instead of a surplus, he has, when honest arithmetic is set to work, a deficit; instead of increasing the rate of reduction of National Debt, he has done less in that direction than his predecessors; and that whilst expenditure on Army and Navy has exceeded any figures reached by former Chancellors of the Exchequer, the floating debt is ever growing.
JOKIM sits on Treasury Bench affecting the virtue of a smile though he has it not. Wriggles like a snail under dispensation of salt. When HARCOURT finished, HENRY FOWLER stepped in, and with fresh array of figures and new marshalling of argument, completed the demolition of JOKIM'S system of finance. Mr. G. looked smilingly on, delighting in the energy and aptitude of his Young Men. JOKIM, anxious to change the subject on any terms, tried to draw Mr. G. into the controversy. "I think not," said Mr. G., with a smile of ineffable sweetness. "Right Hon. Gentleman need not go so far afield: will have pretty tough job in answering HARCOURT."
A pretty scene; admirable Parliamentary play. Oddly enough boxes empty; stalls a wilderness; pit only half full. Energies of House so sapped with dreary flood of talk on Irish Land Bill cannot be reanimated even for a brisk battle over the Budget.
Business done.—JOKIM pummelled to pulp.
Tuesday.—OLD MORALITY walked out of House just now, his back suffused with sense of duty done, alike to QUEEN and Country. Irish Land Bill, which, as CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN says, makes a Moated Grange of House of Commons, on again all day. SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE and his Party active as usual. The PARTY a little doubtful of the SAGE. Sometimes, in blessed intervals of silence, is discovered gazing on a bald space on back of SAGE'S head, striving, as it were, to pierce through this weak spot, and discover what is in the SAGE'S mind. The SAGE in outward manner most deferential and encouraging. Misses no opportunity of publicly applauding him. It is true that when the SAGE has got him on his legs, starting afresh on new Amendment, he seizes the opportunity to slink out of the House, and take another cigarette, quite certain that the PARTY is good for half-an-hour. This, and one or two other little things, create a suspicion in the mind of the PARTY, who was not brought up in India for nothing. WILFRID LAWSON, who sits close by, and keenly watches progress of events, says he has no doubt the time will come when the PARTY will revolt.
"KEAY," says WILFRID, "occupies a strategical position, which gives him a great pull over LABBY. His respected Leader sits on the bench immediately below him. Some day SEYMOUR KEAY'S wild Mahratta blood may boil over, an unsuspected scimitar may flash forth from his trouser pocket, and the SAGE'S head, falling gory on the floor of the House, may gently, from mere force of habit, roll in the direction of Queen Anne's Gate."
"For a real sanguinary-minded man," said RITCHIE, to whom I told this story, "give me a teetotaller."
The PARTY, with some assistance from Windbag SEXTON, wasted sitting till quarter to seven. By this time, all Amendments to Clause 3 being wearily worn off, opportunity just left to pass Clause before Sitting adjourned. Question put that Clause 3 pass. Then SAGE, smelling obtrusively of cigarettes, interposed, and declared it "would be indecent" to accept the Clause without further discussion. Nothing House shrinks from just now more abjectly than from charge of indecency. Accordingly debate stood over, and Thursday may, if the SAGE and his Party please, and the Closure is not invoked, be appropriated for further discussion of Clause 3.
OLD MORALITY might have moved Closure at twelve minutes to seven, and carried Clause 3. Committee naturally expected he would. But OLD MORALITY had another card up his sleeve. At very last moment, whilst Members trooped out, and it was thought all was over, OLD MORALITY gave notice of motion to take the whole time of House, including Tuesday and Friday nights' evening sittings.
"I think you had them there," I said, as we walked across to Grosvenor Place.
"Yes, TOBY," he said, a little flush mantling his modest face; "we've given them rope enough, and now we'll hang them. They've had their run, now we'll take ours. It's the main thing I always look to. Never forget when I was still in the seminary writing out copy of verses about a shipwreck. A graphic scene; the riven vessel, the raging seas, the panic-stricken crowd on deck, and then this little self-drawn picture of the sole survivor, the one man left to tell the story:
Some fell upon their bended kneesAnd others fell down fainting,But I fell to on bread and cheese;For that, Sir, was the main thing.
Some fell upon their bended kneesAnd others fell down fainting,But I fell to on bread and cheese;For that, Sir, was the main thing.
Some fell upon their bended knees
And others fell down fainting,
But I fell to on bread and cheese;
For that, Sir, was the main thing.
It's the bread and cheese I look to, TOBY, dear boy. For others the glory of debate, the prize of Parliamentary oratory. Give me the bread and cheese of seeing business advancing, and I'm content."
Business done.—Once more Committee on Irish Land Bill.
Thursday.—A pretty little game on to-night. OLD MORALITY moved his Resolution taking power to appropriate Tuesdays and Fridays evening sittings, and all Wednesdays for Irish Land Bill. In ordinary circumstances there would have been stormy protest led from Front Opposition Bench against this inroad on time of private Members. Other fish to fry to-night. Wednesday week assigned for Second Reading of Woman's Suffrage Bill; if Government take that day for Irish Land Bill, obviously can't be utilised for furtherance of Woman's Rights. This an awkward question for some Members; don't like it, but daren't vote against it. Here's opportunity of getting rid of it by side-wind. Not necessary in arranging proceedings to mention Suffrage Bill, or even Wednesday, 13th of May. It was principle for which Members struggled; "the principle of uniformity," as Mr. G. beautifully put it. "Let us," he said, though perhaps not quite in this phrase, "go the whole hog or none; take all the Wednesdays, or leave them."
Pretty to see OLD MORALITY protesting against this unprecedented access of generosity. The very picture, as MCEWAN said, of a good man struggling with the adversity of overwhelming good fortune. Was prepared to take a Wednesday here and there: but, really, too much to appropriate everyone. "Not at all—not at all," said Mr. G.
But it was only under compulsion of a Division that he consented to accept the endowment. In meanwhile, the Woman's Suffrage Debate on Wednesday week snuffed out, and final opportunity of Session lost.
"I'm inclined," said WM. WOODALL, "as a rule, to take kindly views of my fellow men, to put the best construction upon their actions; but, upon my word, I'm not satisfied in my own mind that we advocates of Woman's Rights have not been made the victims of deep and dastardly design."
"Order! Order!" said COURTNEY; "no more am I."
Business done.—Woman's Rights men dished.
Friday.—Brer FOX looked in to-night, and, finding Brer RABBIT absent, undertook charge of Irish affairs. Desirous of introducing novelty into situation, began by patronising Prince ARTHUR. "So conciliatory, you know; so anxious to meet the views of Irish Members; really, they ought to meet him half-way, and refrain from annoying him by unnecessary Amendments."
Brer FOX'S voice faltered as he spoke, and, bringing round his tail, he gently brushed away a falling tear. Unfortunately for him, TIM HEALY present. TIM jumped up, and fell upon his ancient chief, flouting his counsel, and repudiating his right to leadership. Effect upon Brer FOX something like that which followed on the flight of the piece of old red sandstone which struck in the abdomen a gentleman, who chanced to be standing round. The subsequent proceedings interested him no more. He walked out, and was not seen again. "Exceedingly rude man," he said; "never come near TIM HEALY but I feel an infinite yearning for a fire-escape."Business done.—Land Bill again.
"MORE FREE THAN WELCOME."—MR. GOSCHEN'S Education Scheme, to the Tories.
A REGIMENT OF "THE LINE."—The Royal Academicians.
GRANDOLPH THE PRODIGAL.GRANDOLPH THE PRODIGAL.(A Parliamentary Drama too good for words, after "L'Enfant Prodigue" at the Prince of Wales's Theatre.)
(A Parliamentary Drama too good for words, after "L'Enfant Prodigue" at the Prince of Wales's Theatre.)
No. 199. Doctor Dubitans.No. 199. Doctor Dubitans. "I'm afraid I've given him the wrong stuff." Luke Fildes, R.A.
No. 199. Doctor Dubitans. "I'm afraid I've given him the wrong stuff." Luke Fildes, R.A.
No. 742. He's got 'em on!No. 742. "He's got 'em on!" or, Nanny, wilt thou gang with me in that new suit and those tight boots? By Phil. R. Morris, A.
No. 742. "He's got 'em on!" or, Nanny, wilt thou gang with me in that new suit and those tight boots? By Phil. R. Morris, A.
Grand Combination Picture, 'Liddell and Scott!'Grand Combination Picture, "Liddell and Scott!" [Liddell (289) by H. Herkomer, R.A., and Scott (281) by G(ee) W(oa) Joy! "Joy and Woe!" Comedy and Tragedy.]
Grand Combination Picture, "Liddell and Scott!" [Liddell (289) by H. Herkomer, R.A., and Scott (281) by G(ee) W(oa) Joy! "Joy and Woe!" Comedy and Tragedy.]
No. 226. The Penance of Zæo in the presence of someNo. 226. The Penance of Zæo in the presence of some Members of the County Council. P.H. Calderon, R.A.
No. 226. The Penance of Zæo in the presence of some Members of the County Council. P.H. Calderon, R.A.
No. 5. "Long Ago." LONG (EDWIN, R.A.) and more or less of "a go." Instead of "Long Ago" which is egotistical, why notLong EgitorLong Fecit?
Nos. 21, 22, 23. "The Lyons Mail" (and Female). BRITON RIVIÈRE, R.A. [N.B.—"R.A.,"i.e., "Royal Academician" and "Royal Animal-painter."]
No. 27. The Viscount CROSS looking quite Viscount Cheerful. "Painted for the Grand Jury Room, Lancaster Castle," the Catalogue informs us. Suggestive of their arguing among themselves "at cross purposes." Painted by SYDNEY HODGES.
No. 77. "On Strike." Very striking. Who could have painted this? Ah!Who butHERKOMER. R.A.
No. 82. Apparently this must have been intended for a portrait of the late Mr. DION BOUCICAULT, but subsequently adapted to represent WALTER GILBEY, Esq. Looks quite the GILBEY'S "fine, old, dry," but not "crusted." No doubt whatever of its being the excellent work of W(erry) Q(uaint) ORCHARDSON, R.A.
No. 112. "Hanson is as Hanson does." By J. HANSON WALKER. Naturally pleased with "the promise of May," and
No. 118. Another Young Lady only Younger. By the same Artist.
No. 143. The Right Hon. A.J. BALFOUR, M.P., as seen by L. ALMA-TADEMA, R.A. Taken while considering
No. 147. The Irish Question as represented by Sir FREDERICK LEIGHTON, P.R.A.'s "Perseus and Andromeda." Allegory,Andromeda, Ireland.The Monster, "Parnellism and Crime;" andPerseus, BALFOUR. Marvellous Monster! DRURIOLANUS should at once order a dozen of 'em, hot and strong, for next Christmas Pantomime. Poor Miss ANNE DROMEDA,—"a dainty morselà croquer," quoth the Monster.
No. 148. No possible doubt whatever about this being A. BERTIE; FREEMAN-MITFORD, C.B., painted by the President of the Painters, who has hit him off to the life. B.M. is taken at the moment when, as a spectator of the Perseus and Andromedaballet d'action, he remembers having seen something like it in "Old Japan."
No. 201. "Poor Tom's a Cold!" LAURENCE SCOTT. Picture illustrating the shortest and easiest way of catching his death of cold.
No. 206. "Two's company, Three's none," observed the Sun, as blushing deeply, he sank away in the far distance. By MAURICE GREIFFEN LAGEN.
No. 209. The original Pieman met by SIMON going to the fair in very full dress. ARTHUR S. COPE.
No.220. "A Student" of ALMA-TADEMA'S style. THOMAS R. SPENCE.
No. 231. "Is it one o'clock?" she said to herself, anxiously. "I hope luncheon will be punctual." The picture will be known as "Grace before Meals," delightfully (of course) painted by Sir JOHN E. MILLAIS.
No. 232. By the P.R.A. "What's that?" said one well-educated clerical visitor to his matronly wife. She read it out, pronouncing it thusly, "Return of Percy Fone." "What!" exclaimed the Clergyman. Then, taking the Catalogue into his own hands, he read "Return of Persephone." "It's pronounced," he informed his help-mate, "Për-s[)e]ph-[)o]-n[)e]." "Is it?" she returned, in a tone expressive of unmitigated incredulity. "Then," she asked suddenly, as a brilliant idea struck her, "why isn't 'telephone' pronounced 'tel-[)e]ph-[)o]-n[)e]'?" And turning her back on him, would not hear another word on the subject.
No. 283.Not Crossley, but Kindly. CLAUDE CALTHROP.
No. 333.Professor Huxley. By Hon. JOHN COLLIER. When it isn't the Professor, it might serve for Sir GEORGE GROVE. Bravo, Honourable JOHN! "Hang him, JOHN COLLIER!" (SHAKSPEARE adapted.)
No. 390. A Boy to the very life, or a Life Boy. JAMES SANT, R.A. It's a picture of Master HUGH BURDETT MONEY COUTTS. How well this name will look on a cheque for a cool thousand or so! But to see theHueof health on his cheek is better than seeing the colour of that HUGH'S money.
No. 414. Portrait of Author W. PINERO, Esq. Painted by JOSEPH MORDECAI, who has done to Author PINERO what HAMAN would have done to MORDECAI,i.e., hung him.
No. 439. Sitting for Don Quixote. WILLIAM E. LOCKHART.
No. 459.Stiff Collar Day; or, Just Back from the Wash, "And, confound it! she's been washing my shirt and tie together, and spoilt 'em both. Wish I had another lot ready, but haven't, so must go to Academy as I am," said WALTER S-WASH-BUCKLER LETHBRIDGE, and finished up with an impetuous and irrepressible "Hang it!" "I will," replied the Artist, JOHN PETTIE, R.A.
No. 544.Josephine Grimaldina; or, Female Clown, the next novelty in Pantomime, dedicated to the author and composer ofL'Enfant Prodigue. JOHN S. SARGENT.
No. 667.Feeling his Bumps; or, Phrenology in the Olden Time." ERNEST NORMAND.
No. 651. Gentleman ready for riding, but no spurs. "Where the deuce have I put them?" he is evidently saying. "All ready but that. Can't find 'em anywhere!" A picture which quite tells its own (JULIAN) STORY.
(At the service of the Ch-nc-ll-r of the Exch-qu-r, if he purposes writing a Prophetic Romance.)
MACAULAY'S New Zealander had arrived prematurely. London Bridge was not reduced to its centre pier, and St. Paul's Cathedral was certainly not in ruins. Still there was an uncanny look about town. On the Embankment electric tram-cars were running, but they seemed to be little patronised. Here and there he noticed a pedestrian leisurely going his way, but the side-walks appeared, to all intents and purposes, abandoned. At length he reached a garden-seat, upon which was sprawling a Typical Working Man. The New Zealander gave this interesting individual "Good morning," and made some common-place remark about the weather.
"Fine day!" returned the T.W.M., rather surlily. "Well, what does it matter to me? If it rains, I stay at home; if it don't, why I don't either."
"I am a stranger seeking for information," explained the New Zealander; "so I am sure you will excuse me if I ask you how much do you pay for your house?"
"Pay for my house!" ejaculated the T.W.M. "Why, nothing of course! And I pay nothing too for my sons at Oxford, and the girls at Cambridge. And I get my clothes free, and my food comes in gratuitously. Why, you must be a stranger if you don't know that! Why everything and anything is paid by the Government—out of the Income Tax."
"And don't you ever work?"
"Work! bless you, no. I can't afford to work! If I did, I should have to pay the Income Tax myself!" returned the T.W.M., with a grin.
"Then who does contribute to this evidently highly-important source of revenue?
"Why, the professional men, under Schedule D!" cried the hardy son of toil. "The authors with families, and the City clerks. Allthatset, you know. They pay the Income Tax, sure enough. It's as much as they can do to keep bodies and souls together. Butsomebodymust pay—why not they?—pay for themselves—and for me!"
THE DUMB SHOW.—It sounds odd that the serious pantomime,L'Enfant Prodigue, the play without words, should be "the talk of London."
Canvas and Scrutiny.Canvas and Scrutiny.
"George Hotel," Billsbury, Friday, April 25th.—Arrived this morning in order to attend a "Monstre Open Air Conservative Fête, which was held in the grounds of the Billsbury Summer Palace. The programme was a very attractive one. First, there was a "reception of town and county delegates and their ladies" by the Earl and Countess of ROCHEVIEILLE. The Earl is a scrubby little fellow of about sixty, who looks more like an old-clothes-man than anything else. Norman noses—at least their descendants in this generation—are curiously like the Semitic variety sometimes. The name is pronounced "Rovail," and both the Earl and Countess get blue with rage if anybody makes a mistake about it, as nearly all the delegates did. They stood on a raised daïs, and received delegates' addresses to the number of about thirty. Lady ROCHEVIEILLE is a stout lady—very. It was a blazing hot day, and she was "overcome" just as she was shaking hands with Colonel and Mrs. CHORKLE, who were accompanied by BENJAMIN DISRAELI CHORKLE. The rest of the CHORKLE family, including WILLIAMINA HENRIETTA SMITH CHORKLE, who was in a nurse's arms, were somewhere about the grounds looking for the "Magic Haunts of the Fairy Bulbul," and eating enormous quantities of macaroons, which I had given them. Colonel CHORKLE rather lost his head when Lady R. collapsed. He made an effort to pick her up, but had to drop her heavily on the boards of the daïs. Eventually, however, she was carried away and revived, and the proceedings went on. There were Conservative merry-go-rounds, Conservative negro-minstrels, Conservative acrobats and Conservative dancing bears, distributed about the grounds. I was taken about by Alderman MOFFAT and HOLLEBONE, who introduced me right and left to hundreds of my supporters and their wives and daughters. At the end of it all I felt as if I had got a heavy sort of how-do-you-do smile regularly glued on my face. One of my chief supporters is an undertaker named JOBSON. HOLLEBONE brought him up to me and said, "Mr. JOBSON, permit me to introduce you to our popular young Candidate, Mr. PATTLE. Mr. PATTLE let me have the honour of introducing you to our popular young undertaker, Mr. JOBSON." Gave me rather a shock, but JOBSON seemed quite a pleasant man. His wife was there too, gorgeously dressed in red plush with an Indian shawl on her shoulders, and a sealskin muff. She must have felt the heat horribly.
Later in the afternoon there was a political meeting, at which we all spoke, but we had to make it short, as everybody was anxious to get away to the "Refined MusicalMélange(with incidental dances) of the Sisters WILKINS," which was held in a specially erected tent. Fireworks, illuminations, and dancing, ended the affair.
April 26.—Was made an Oddfellow to-day. Initiation didn't last long. CHORKLE and JERRAM were initiated with me, and we all had to make speeches afterwards, declaring our devotion to the great cause of Oddfellowship. Afterwards sentiments were called for. The only one I remember was given by a man called TABSEY, a tailor, who seems to be rather famous for this kind of thing. After holding his hand to his head for some time, and knitting his brows, he cleared his throat, and said, in a loud voice,—"May the tear of true sympathy crystallise as it falls, and be worn as a radiant jewel upon the finger of affliction." This was vociferously applauded. I congratulated TABSEY afterwards, and paid him a compliment about it. He told me he found it a great relief, after a hard day's work in the shop, to throw off a sentiment or two. He's going to publish a book of them, and I've had to subscribe for six copies, at half a guinea each.
FROM A WATCHFUL OBSERVER.—SIR,—The other day I saw advertised in a shop-window, "The Invisible Trouser Stretcher." Who wears "Invisible Trousers"? Do you remember the story ofThe Emperor of China's Clothes?—when they all cried, "He's got 'em on," and he hadn't. That Invisible Trousers should exist is quite enough stretch of imagination without any further stretcher.—Yours, THE DAY WATCHMAN.
MRS. R. AT THE OPERA.—Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM Junior went to hearLa Traviata. She expressed her sympathy withVioletta, between twoGourmands. Remarking on the touching finish to the convertedTraviata'scareer, Mrs. R. observed that it reminded her of the poet's line about "She who stopped to cough, remained to pray."
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