A Jubilee Greeting!A JUBILEE GREETING!MR. PUNCH (for self and everybody). "HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS, SIR!—KNOWN YOU FIFTY YEARS, AND LIKE YOU BETTER THAN EVER!!"
MR. PUNCH (for self and everybody). "HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS, SIR!—KNOWN YOU FIFTY YEARS, AND LIKE YOU BETTER THAN EVER!!"
A kindly view of it.A KINDLY VIEW OF IT.First Rustic(to Second Ditto). "OH, I SAY! AIN'T HE FOND OF HIS HORSE!"
First Rustic(to Second Ditto). "OH, I SAY! AIN'T HE FOND OF HIS HORSE!"
(By an Old Boy.)
Arcadian piper and dancing sheep.
Thee, Camus, reverend renownThy grateful votaries seek,Foil'd are the Vandals who'd "send down"The Genius of Greek.For Culture's jewell'd master-keyThey cupboard pick-locks tend,And in the cult of Mammon seeLearning's true aim and end;Pit shallow youth's impatient fussAgainst the grit of CATO,Set IBSEN up for ÆSCHYLUS,And OLLENDORFF for PLATO;For songs august of heroes sung,And epic hosts embattled,Enforce some pidgin-Latin tongueBy every waiter prattled;For nymphs, where o'er the fragrant pinesA sea-bright sun uprises,Their fancy plays round primmest linesOf prigs receiving prizes.From Sir JOHN CHEKE to Dr. JEBB,From CALVERLEY to MILTON,Clear spirits burst the Sophist-web,And rent the rook they built on.WELLDON is falsely named in this,For sure, in slighting Greek, heWill Learning's final blessing miss,Herκαλως πεποιηκεWhat though the urchin deem it "rot"(Such hasty views we stoop'd to,Not seeing how on earth they gotTetummenosfromTupto)Still let us learn, not beastly facts,The field of any booby,But how thought acts and interacts,And contraries can true be.Though on oblivion's barren shoresHe give it quick sepulture,Still through reluctant passman's poresInstil the dew of culture.Still give us of the rills divineThat flow from haunted Helicon,Nor rend thyself to feed the swine,Like a perverted Pelican.Keep far the time when every beeThat booms in every bonnet,Shall find a chair of Apiary,And drone long lectures on it.Still the large light and sweetness seekOf KEATS'S raptured vision,(Or KEATE'S)—till Greek at last meets GreekIn brotherhood Elysian.
Thee, Camus, reverend renownThy grateful votaries seek,Foil'd are the Vandals who'd "send down"The Genius of Greek.
Thee, Camus, reverend renown
Thy grateful votaries seek,
Foil'd are the Vandals who'd "send down"
The Genius of Greek.
For Culture's jewell'd master-keyThey cupboard pick-locks tend,And in the cult of Mammon seeLearning's true aim and end;
For Culture's jewell'd master-key
They cupboard pick-locks tend,
And in the cult of Mammon see
Learning's true aim and end;
Pit shallow youth's impatient fussAgainst the grit of CATO,Set IBSEN up for ÆSCHYLUS,And OLLENDORFF for PLATO;
Pit shallow youth's impatient fuss
Against the grit of CATO,
Set IBSEN up for ÆSCHYLUS,
And OLLENDORFF for PLATO;
For songs august of heroes sung,And epic hosts embattled,Enforce some pidgin-Latin tongueBy every waiter prattled;
For songs august of heroes sung,
And epic hosts embattled,
Enforce some pidgin-Latin tongue
By every waiter prattled;
For nymphs, where o'er the fragrant pinesA sea-bright sun uprises,Their fancy plays round primmest linesOf prigs receiving prizes.
For nymphs, where o'er the fragrant pines
A sea-bright sun uprises,
Their fancy plays round primmest lines
Of prigs receiving prizes.
From Sir JOHN CHEKE to Dr. JEBB,From CALVERLEY to MILTON,Clear spirits burst the Sophist-web,And rent the rook they built on.
From Sir JOHN CHEKE to Dr. JEBB,
From CALVERLEY to MILTON,
Clear spirits burst the Sophist-web,
And rent the rook they built on.
WELLDON is falsely named in this,For sure, in slighting Greek, heWill Learning's final blessing miss,Herκαλως πεποιηκε
WELLDON is falsely named in this,
For sure, in slighting Greek, he
Will Learning's final blessing miss,
Herκαλως πεποιηκε
What though the urchin deem it "rot"(Such hasty views we stoop'd to,Not seeing how on earth they gotTetummenosfromTupto)
What though the urchin deem it "rot"
(Such hasty views we stoop'd to,
Not seeing how on earth they got
TetummenosfromTupto)
Still let us learn, not beastly facts,The field of any booby,But how thought acts and interacts,And contraries can true be.
Still let us learn, not beastly facts,
The field of any booby,
But how thought acts and interacts,
And contraries can true be.
Though on oblivion's barren shoresHe give it quick sepulture,Still through reluctant passman's poresInstil the dew of culture.
Though on oblivion's barren shores
He give it quick sepulture,
Still through reluctant passman's pores
Instil the dew of culture.
Still give us of the rills divineThat flow from haunted Helicon,Nor rend thyself to feed the swine,Like a perverted Pelican.
Still give us of the rills divine
That flow from haunted Helicon,
Nor rend thyself to feed the swine,
Like a perverted Pelican.
Keep far the time when every beeThat booms in every bonnet,Shall find a chair of Apiary,And drone long lectures on it.
Keep far the time when every bee
That booms in every bonnet,
Shall find a chair of Apiary,
And drone long lectures on it.
Still the large light and sweetness seekOf KEATS'S raptured vision,(Or KEATE'S)—till Greek at last meets GreekIn brotherhood Elysian.
Still the large light and sweetness seek
Of KEATS'S raptured vision,
(Or KEATE'S)—till Greek at last meets Greek
In brotherhood Elysian.
A NEW TREASURE FOR. THE TREASURER OF BARTHOLOMEW'S.—Mr. Punch, G.P.E., General President of Everything, begs to congratulate Professor HUBERT HERKOMER, R.A.M.A., on his admirable portrait of Sir SYDNEY HEDLEY, and now, not only HEDLEY, but Full-Lengthly WATERLOW, Bart., of "Bart's," which H.R.H. correctly described as "a very fine work of Art, painted by one of our most eminent artists." Such approbation of Sir HUBERT HERKOMER is praise indeed!Mr. Punch, G.P.E., prefixes the "Sir" prophetically. For the present it may be taken as the last syllable, detached, of "Profes-sir"
"WELLS, I NEVER!"—"Mr. WELLS," says theTimesCorrespondent, "has made 250,000 francs" (up to now), and "last year he made £20,000." Talk of the waters at various drinking or health-resorts abroad, why, their fame is as nothing compared with the unprecedented success of the WELLS of Monte Carlo. How the other chaps who lose must be like LEECH'S old gent "a cussin' and a swearin' like hanythink." So the two extremes at Monte Carlo may be expressed by the name of a well-known shopkeeping London firm,i.e., SWEARS AND WELLS.
Mr. Punch at the Potteries.ON TOUR. MR. PUNCH AT THE POTTERIES.
(
A Pleasant Prospect suggested by the evidence taken before the Royal Commission
.)
And so the Un-employed rose from the ditch in which he had passed the night, and made for the town. It was early morning, and he thought he could possibly get something to do at the baker's.
"Want to work?" cried the foreman. "Why, my good fellow, it is all over for the next two days. The trade only allows four hours, so we begin at eight on one night, and carry it on until four on the following morning. People get their loaves a little stale, but old bread is said to be good for the digestion!"
So the Unemployed went on until he came to a half-built house. The workmen had left, but there was still a watchman on the premises.
"Want to work! Whywhatare you thinking about! Why, our trade only allows two hours a day, so we build a house by laying foundation-stones. It is rather slow, but very sure."
So the starving man continued his journey. He was unsuccessful at every trade centre. One industry allowed its members to work only for three hours a day, another two, a third four, and so on. There was only one exception to the rule, and this (so the doctor thinks) was caused by necessity. The undertakers were fully employed twelve hours out of the twenty-four. Even the public-houses were closed at noon. The workhouses and casual wards were never empty.
But being of a sanguine temperament, the Unemployed cheered his drooping spirits by murmuring, "Better luck to-morrow!" Then he retired to his rather damp quarters in the country ditch!
Airy opening of article byMr. GINLEY SCORCHSAM,a rising young author. "Asked by Editor ofMagazin des Louvresto let him have a paper on Art as Applied to Drapery——"
Note by the Agonised Editor(who has been struggling with MS. for several hours). "And hedidlet me have it, with a vengeance!"
A scene at the Lucullus.A SCENE AT THE "LUCULLUS."Mrs. Blunderby. "Now, MY DEAR MONTY, LET ME ORDER THE LUNCHEON AR-LA-FRAINGSY. GASSONG! I WISH TO BEGIN—AS WE ALWAYS DO IN PARIS, MY DEARS—WITH SOMECHEF-D'OEUVRES—YOU UNDERSTAND—SOMECHEF-D'OEUVRES."Emile, the Waiter, is in despair. It occurs to him however, presently that the Lady probably means "Hors d'oeuvres," and acts accordingly.
Mrs. Blunderby. "Now, MY DEAR MONTY, LET ME ORDER THE LUNCHEON AR-LA-FRAINGSY. GASSONG! I WISH TO BEGIN—AS WE ALWAYS DO IN PARIS, MY DEARS—WITH SOMECHEF-D'OEUVRES—YOU UNDERSTAND—SOMECHEF-D'OEUVRES."
Emile, the Waiter, is in despair. It occurs to him however, presently that the Lady probably means "Hors d'oeuvres," and acts accordingly.
An Astronomer Loyal.
DEAR MR. EDITOR,
What on earth, or rather what in the starry Heavens' name is the meaning of this heading to a paragraph in theTimesof Tuesday, Nov. 3:—
"APPARENT DUPLICITY OF JUPITER'S SATELLITE No. 1."
Except that the stars are given to wink, I have never before heard of the Heavenly Bodies being accused, of immorality. It is true that the duplicity is said to be only "apparent" or alleged, but this is doubtless due to the precaution of the scientist to escape an action for libel. Flatterers have often been accused of this vice, and Satellites are not much better. A "Star" on the stage might perhaps thus acknowledge the presence of a friend and admirer in the Stalls or in the charmed Circle. But for a Heavenly Body to be guilty of duplicity, and above all for a "Number One" Heavenly Body, is too much. No more will the simple lines
"Twinkle, twinkle, little Star!"
be true. No; if "Jupiter's Satellite No. 1" takes to such light conduct, then shall we, have to read
"Wink, O wink, you little Star!"
Henceforth let astronomers be very careful what observations they make. To what a state of things are we coming, when at night all the sublunary world is nodding, and the Stars above are winking. If there's duplicity in a Satellite of Jupiter, how about Jupiter itself? Can we henceforth put any trust in the Planets? Are they in league with deceitful soothsayers, astrologers, and fortune-tellers? I cannot further pursue the painful subject. We owe a debt of gratitude to theTimesfor exposing duplicity in the highest places. Imagine treachery in Aurora Borealis! What an awful flirt she would be!! How she'd "wink the other eye!"
Yours,AN ASTRONOMER LOYAL.
FROM MASHONALAND.—Inspired by the success of ARTHUR B., of DE GORSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDUM, and of Sir KETTLE-DRUMMOND WOLFF, our GRANDOLPH meditates a surprise return to his own native land and to Parliamentary life. He announces his intention of changing his name, and will call himself "Lord NIL DESPERANDUM CHURCHILL." Hail to the modern Coeur-de-Lion!"
FINAL.—TheDaily Chroniclesays it does not regard Mr. GOSCHEN as one of the Puritans of finance. Well, no, perhaps, GEORGE JOACHIM'S finance—like his manner—is ratherCavalier!
Farmer AtkinsonFarmer Atkinson.
MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., attending the American Methodist Conference, has been supplying the United States with interesting illustrations of House of Commons manners. Incidentally he observed that Primitive Methodists, members of which body were largely represented in his audience, are "impostors." This led to some misunderstanding, and Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., found it necessary to explain that he had used the term "simply in a Parliamentary sense." We learn by special Zadkiel telegram that, on emerging from the Hall after the meeting, the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER (Omaha), bringing down his clenched fist on the crown of the hat of Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., altered its situation in a direction that temporarily obscured the vision of the Hon. Member.
"What do you mean?" inquired Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., struggling out of the wreck of his hat.
"I mean it in a purely Pickwickian sense," said the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER (Omaha), with a seraphic smile that disarmed controversy.
The GERMAN EMPEROR has lately rearranged his scheme of work for weekdays. From six A.M. to eight A.M. he gives lectures on Strategy and Tactics to Generals over forty years old. From eight to ten he instructs the chief actors, musicians and painters of Berlin in the principles of their respective arts. The hours from ten to twelve he devotes to the compilation of his Memoirs in fifty-four volumes. A limited edition of large-paper copies is to be issued. From twelve to four P.M. he reviews regiments, cashiers colonels, captures fortresses, carries his own dispatches to himself, and makes speeches of varying length to all who will listen to him. Any professional reporter found taking accurate notes of His Majesty's words is immediately blown from a Krupp gun with the new smokeless powder. From four to eight he tries on uniforms, dismisses Ministers and officials, dictates state-papers to General CAPRIVI, and composes his history of "How I pricked the Bismarck Bubble." From eight to eleven P.M. His Majesty teaches schoolmasters how to teach, wives how to attend to their families, bankers how to carry on their business, and cooks how to prepare dinners. The rest of the day he devotes to himself. On Thursday next His Majesty leaves Berlin on his tenth visit to the European Courts.
There is no truth in the report that the Lord CHANCELLOR is arranging a Christmas party, to which shall be invited all the members and connections of his family for whom he has found places during his term of office. It is well known that the accommodation at Lord HALSBURY's town residence is comparatively limited.
We regret to hear that Mr. JOHN O'CONNOR, M.P. (known in the House of Commons as "Long JOHN"), has decided to retire from political life. His personal experience during the Cork Election has convinced him that no man over 5 ft. 8 in. can safely take part in active politics.
"Bricks, dead cats, sections of chimney-pots, which flew harmless over the heads of the crowd, invariably struck me," said Mr. O'CONNOR, toying with the bandage over his left eyebrow.
It is quite true, as reported in the newspapers, that Dr. GUTTERIDGE was not present when the final result of the polling in the Strand was made known, and that it was explained to the reporter he had been "called out to see a patient." The suggestion that the undertaking of this hopeless contest was designed solely to lead up to this incident, is one worthy only of the diseased imagination of a professional rival, who has no patients to call him out—even from Church.
It is stated (and has been denied) that Herr VON DER BLOWITZOWN-TROMP is about to retire from his supervision of universal affairs exercised through the Special Paris Wire of a contemporary. We are glad to learn that this intention does not in any case imply absolute disappearance from the European Stage. It is no secret in diplomatic circles that the Herr has been approached on the question of his ascending the throne of Bulgaria. His keen insight into European politics has convinced him that this arrangement would afford a settlement of an ever-ruffled question. He has, we understand, stipulated that the Principality shall be raised to the status of a Kingdom. "I have," he said to the Emissary of the Powers who approached him on the subject, "been so long accustomed to associate with Crowned Heads, that in a Principality I should feel like a fish out of water."
With his usual considerateness, Herr VON DER BLOWITZOWN-TROMP has recognised the inconvenience that would be imposed on his subjects, if, in daily use, they were obliged to refer to him by his full title. He will, therefore, deign to be known on coins, postage-stamps, and in semi-official communications, as TROMP THE FIRST.
There is no truth in the report that, on behalf of Mr. JOHN MORLEY, Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT waited upon Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, and asked him to name a friend; that the Right Hon. Gentleman "mentioned" Mr. JESSE COLLINGS; and that the two seconds have arranged a meeting at Boulogne. The idle rumour doubtless arose out of the fact that an acrimonious correspondence between the two former friends has been carried on in the columns of theTimes.
According to the newspaper reports, during the ceremony of acceptance by the Prince of WALES, as President of Bartholomew's Hospital, of "the portrait of Sir SYDNEY WATERLOW, the Treasurer," the portrait "occupied a prominent position on the platform, and the Hon. Baronet sat immediately in front of it." We learn that this arrangement led to some misunderstanding, people, on entering, not at first knowing which was the portrait, and which was Sir SYDNEY.
Paddy Rewski, the Pianist.Paddy Rewski, the Pianist, makes his bow, and escapes to America from an enthusiastic audience, who might have torn him into musical pieces at St. James's Hall.
Paddy Rewski, the Pianist, makes his bow, and escapes to America from an enthusiastic audience, who might have torn him into musical pieces at St. James's Hall.
First Voice.I hear that you wish to give your evidence before this Commission?
Second Voice.Certainly, that is my desire. I am here to speak in the name of my fellow-labourers, and——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do. You are in favour of Trade Unions?
Second V.I am. I feel that when rich and poor meet in mighty conflict, there is only——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do. And you believe that strikes are beneficial?
Second V.I do consider them beneficial, most beneficial. I feel that labour must have its rights, and that the white dove of liberty has only to——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do. And you are in favour of arbitration?
Second V.No, I am not. For when DIVES meets the beggars, then the cry of labour rises on the stilly night, and——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do. And may I ask to what trade you belong?
Second V.I belong to none. Every thinking and right-minded man should care for his fellows as himself. Like an eagle on a snow-capped mountain, he should——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do. Then may we ask, if you belong to no trade, what is your occupation?
Second V.My occupation is to talk to——
First V.Yes, thank you, that will do!
NOTICE TO PROBABLE IRISH OBJECTORS ON BOTH SIDES.—The Novel thatMr. Punchso recently praised, entitledTim, is neither Irish nor political. Both sides can buy and enjoy it. A Parnellite author is thinking of adapting DICKENS, and bringing out a new version of an old_ Christmas book, to be entitledTiny Tim.
OLD TIMES REVIVED.—The New Lord Mayor. Gracious EVANS!! "And," asks a middle-aged Correspondent, "during this Mayoralty will the Munching House be known as EVANS'S?"
Footnote 1:(return)See Cartoon, "Every Inch a Sailor," p. 129, Vol. XI., Sept. 26, 1846.Footnote 2:(return)See Cartoon. "Suspense," p. 263, Vol. LXI., Dec. 23, 1871.
See Cartoon, "Every Inch a Sailor," p. 129, Vol. XI., Sept. 26, 1846.
See Cartoon. "Suspense," p. 263, Vol. LXI., Dec. 23, 1871.
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NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.