A VERY GREAT MAN.A VERY GREAT MAN.(Cub Hunting.)Young Farmer."Well, Master Jack! Out again?"Master Jack."Why, Yes. Fact is, you know, always like to get as much in as possible before we begin to Advertise. Brings such a beastly lot o' Duffers out, don't you know!"
Young Farmer."Well, Master Jack! Out again?"
Master Jack."Why, Yes. Fact is, you know, always like to get as much in as possible before we begin to Advertise. Brings such a beastly lot o' Duffers out, don't you know!"
Chatto and Windushave just issued a new edition ofOuida'sDog of Flanders. The well-got-up and cheaply-priced volume contains three other Stories, nearly as charming. In the quartetteOuida, my Baronite says, will be found at her best—Ouida, without the weeds of grossness and comical classicality that sometimes grow in her pastures. Of this volume of her works it may be said that, happily,Lemprièreis not in it.
To those about to travel, whether there and back, or there or back, is immaterial, the Baron strongly recommendsThe Great ShadowandBeyond the City, two stories in one volume byConan Doyle, published inArrowsmith'sthree and sixpenny series. It is a long time since the Baron has read a more dramatically told story than that ofThe Great Shadow. Truly, if his opinion had been asked, he would have seriously advised any novelist against attempting, in any form, a description of the Battle of Waterloo. Yet, thoughConan Doylehas done it admirably, there is, thinks the Baron, just one chapter too much of this work. No one, sinceCharles Leverwrote, has achieved anything like it, though there is just a smack ofOrthis Mulcaney & Co.about it which—"but that is another story." The Baron finding no fault with the illustrations as illustrations, wishes that the tales had been left to themselves, and that they had been told without these superfluous aids. It is a pleasure to recommend such a book, and itisrecommended by everybody's trusted Literary Adviser,The Baron de Book-Worms.
(Judging from his Letter in the "Standard," September 22, on the Desecrationor Preservation of Stonehenge Question.)
My friends, for goodness' sake forbearFrom fussy interference here.Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",And blamed be he who stirs these stones!
My friends, for goodness' sake forbearFrom fussy interference here.Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",And blamed be he who stirs these stones!
My friends, for goodness' sake forbear
From fussy interference here.
Blest be the man who "makes no bones,",
And blamed be he who stirs these stones!
(A Thought at the Haymarket Theatre.)
The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;And so the Tempter's latestrôlewe seeIs still associated with aTree.
The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;And so the Tempter's latestrôlewe seeIs still associated with aTree.
The first appearance "of the Personal Devil"
Was nigh the Tree of Knowledge, good and evil;
And so the Tempter's latestrôlewe see
Is still associated with aTree.
House of Commons, Wednesday, September 20.—MetWoodall, V.C., crossing Lobby just now on the way to his battlemented tower. Shouldn't have known him—indeed, had passed him, when I recognised his voice hailing me. It had an unusually tinny sound, due to fact that it made its way through the interstices of a closed visor.
Woodall, V.C.Woodall, V.C.
Woodall, V.C.
"Good gracious,Woodall!" I said; "is that you? I thought it was one of the figures from the Tower taking an airing."
"Yes," said the Financial Secretary to the War Office with same vibrating, tinny intonation, "by my halidome (so to speak) it's me: and precious hot and generally uncomfortable it is, too, I can tell you. The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the Tower; some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small, which, considering they are made in metal, is worse."
Woodallgot up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate, things like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of his back.
"What do you do it for, then?"
With difficultyWoodall, V.C., unhooked something in his visor, and, after cautiously looking round, took it off.
"Haven't you heard," he said, as he mopped his forehead, "of the Secret Society, sworn to decimate us fellows of the War Office? Began withSt. John Brodrick, who narrowly escaped assassination in the streets; went on toCampbell-Bannerman, who was threatened with sudden death. Now they've turned their attention on me. Every post brings an anonymous letter, advising me that my end approaches. They are in different handwriting, but the note-paper enjoys in common the adornment of a death's-head and cross-bones. Sometimes there's a coffin underneath; occasionally this accessory is omitted; it is made up for in the added ferocity of the communication. This makes one very uneasy. I daresay you have observed how stoutCampbell-Bannermanlooks of late. It's only his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary linen. He says he's going to Marienbad to get rid of it; that's only his joke. As for me, I don't think it's worth mincing matters. I, as you see, go the whole animal; but it's very wearing.Sandhursttold me it was a case of armour or assassination. Having tried the armour for three days, am not quite sure I should not prefer assassination. Excuse me, there's a strange man lingering in the corner."
AndWoodall, shutting his head up in the helmet, warily walked off.
WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?A Warning to Aspiring Legislators.
Business done.—Appropriation Bill read a Second time.
Friday.—All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
"And whose Session should you say it has been,Toby?" askedRowton, a man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it, you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished.Josephhas excelled himself as a Parliamentary force;Prince Arthurhas taken a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position of Leader. These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But since you ask me whose Session it has been, I should say it has beenMarjoribanks'. It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish. This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the cases ofNapoleon Boltonpartyand theSententious Saunders. To keep a majority safe and steady at such times requires in a Whip a rare combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an excellent team,Marjoribankshas done this. It is a minor Ministerial post, but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the Session, call itMajoritybanks'."
Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee.Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee.
Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee.
Business done.—Parliament adjourned till November 2.
Personal Courage.—A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."
And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,Lately at Cookham accustomed to plyAnd feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,Pleasing the critical masculine eye?They swing so truly and pull so steadily,Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;—It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,"Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,But are these first thoughts with the dashing young womenWho don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"—Complete ruination to rowing and steering;—"All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,Lately at Cookham accustomed to plyAnd feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,Pleasing the critical masculine eye?They swing so truly and pull so steadily,Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;—It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,"Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,But are these first thoughts with the dashing young womenWho don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"—Complete ruination to rowing and steering;—"All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids,
Lately at Cookham accustomed to ply
And feather their oars with a deal of dexterity,
Pleasing the critical masculine eye?
They swing so truly and pull so steadily,
Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;—
It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there,
But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare.
What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands,
"Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend,
But are these first thoughts with the dashing young women
Who don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End?
Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"—
Complete ruination to rowing and steering;—
"All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care,
And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
Theatrical News.—During the absence ofBeckettfrom London, andThe Second Mrs. Tanquerayhaving left town,The Tempterin the Haymarket tried to enticeCharley's Auntfrom the Globe to go in forA Life of Pleasureat Drury Lane, butThe Other Fellowfrom the Court induced her to go forA Trip to Chicagoin The Vaudeville, where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up withLa Fille de Madame Angot, at the Criterion. But she soon let him know whatA Woman's Revengeat the Adelphi was like, and he sailed away in the Shaftesbury,Morocco Bound, pursued byDon Quixote, who had watched the proceedings from the Strand. The lady who in the meantime had obtained the fortunate talisman ofLa Mascottefrom the Gaiety, was provided byDaly'sCompany withDollars and Sense, and is now doing uncommonly well. But the villain, who would have made her his victim, will soon experience the result ofSowing the Windat the Comedy.
"Subgraduatus Indignans" writes.—"Sir,—Within the last fortnight on one day I find in theStandardthat 'seventy degrees were recorded at Cambridge!' How's this? During Long Vacation!! Who conferred these degrees? What degrees? Who got 'em? Where's the Vice-Chancellor? I pause for a reply. P S.—Beg pardon! Find I have overlooked head of paragraph, 'The falling barometer,' &c., &c., so thatperhapsI may be in error."
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'orchesta' corrected to 'orchestra' "orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics,"
'just as I was going to it report myself!' corrected to 'just as I was going to report it myself!'