PUNCH AT A ROYAL CHRISTENING.

FANCY PORTRAIT OF SARDANAPALUS, KING OF ASSYRIA

With a Wine Cup of the Period.

Westminster Bridge—The new one, is, according toSir William Molesworth, to be built of stone from Ireland. Another evidence of the eagerness of the Saxon to trample upon everything Irish.

Of a certain author—or artist—or actor—or somebody else—who had acquired much notoriety by laudatory criticisms—it was said that his reputation was built of plaster.

It is not often thatPunchhas to protest against anything that happens at our own Court, but unless the Court Newsman has misinformed us, there was something very objectionable in the proceedings at Buckingham Palace on the occasion of the last Royal Christening. Recollecting that the Sponsors promise in the name of the infant to renounce "the pomp and glory of this world," we cannot help asking whether the following description of what took place is not lamentably at variance with the spirit of the promise that was given:—

"The sacred rite was performed in the private chapel in the Palace, which was duly prepared for the occasion. Two rows of chairs of crimson satin and gold were placed on each side of the centre, for the use of the QUEEN, the Sponsors, and the Royal personages invited to be present."

This might pass as coming under the head of luxury rather than of pomp, but what shall we say to the next paragraph?—

"The altar was lined with crimson velvet, panelled with gold lace, and on the communion-table were placed the golden vessels used in the Sacrament, with salvers and two large candlesticks. Seats of crimson and gold were placed for the officiating clergy. The font was placed in advance of thehaut pas; it was a most elegantly formed tazza of silver gilt, the rim was formed of the leaves and flowers of the water lily, and the base from which its elegant stem sprang was composed of infant angels playing the lyre; in the front was the Royal arms. The font was placed on a fluted plinth of white and gold."

Riches, we are taught, add to the difficulty of entering the Kingdom of Heaven, then why this profusion of gold to encumber the first step of a Royal infant on his entrance into the Church which is to secure his eternal happiness? "Gold lace," "golden vessels," and seats of "crimson and gold" for the clergy, are scarcely the appliances that would seem appropriate to the ceremony of receiving the "sign of the cross," which is certainly not typified by any of the accessories of pomp and splendour that abounded on that occasion. Surely this must have struck on the mind of some one or more of the assembled grandees, who, if not too much wrapt up in the idea of their own and the surrounding grandeur, may have remarked that

"Over the altar was a fine piece of tapestry representing the baptism of our Saviour."

If the tapestry told the truth, there would be no clergy in gold seats; no font appropriated to Royalty by a vulgar display of the Royal arms over the front of it; and no infants or any one else "playing the lyre" at the simple solemnity, of which a Royal Christening is but a gaudy mockery.

As a further assistance to the infant in renouncing the pomps and vanities of the world, we find that

"The Heralds and Kings of Arms were on duty to usher the distinguished personages to their places in the chapel, and conduct the Royal processions. There were presentAlbert William Woods, Esq., Lancaster Herald;Walter Aston Blount, Esq., Chester Herald;James Pulman, Esq., Clarenceux King of Arms;Robert Laurie, Esq., Norroy King of Arms; andSir Charles George Young, Garter Principal King of Arms; the whole wearing their splendid tabards, and the Kings of Arms their distinctive insignia."

It is really sad to think that in an age which prides itself on common sense, and at a Court confessedly adorned by the many virtues of the Sovereign and her family, conventionalism still holds such sway, that one whom it is no flattery to call an ornament to her high position still feels herself under the necessity of converting a solemn religious ceremony into a vulgar display of luxury and vanity. Can it be supposed that the admission of the Royal infant into the Christian flock required the assistance of archbishops, bishops, and clergy on seats of crimson and gold, the presence of Heralds and Kings-of-Arms, a whole bundle of Gold and other Sticks, the Master of the Buckhounds, and the whole hue and cry of Court "pride, pomp, and circumstance;" which, however appropriate to some occasions, are utterly at variance with the admission of an infant to a religion for which humility is one of the chief requisites?

The Court is justly looked to in this country as an example; and theQueen, as mother, wife, and woman, is indeed one whom all would do well to imitate. For this reason we still more regret the recent display which will set all the servile crew of imitators to work to emulate, as far as they can, the pomps and vanities of a Royal Christening. The influence will extend down to some of the humblest ranks of society, and we shall have theHeraldand thePostfull of accounts of howMrs. Jonesof Jonesville had the altar decorated, the Bishop got up, the font covered with the arms ofJones, and all the appliances of Royalty aped at the baptism of theJonesianinfant.

We have no objection to the party, and the banquet after the ceremony, but when the next comes—and we hope there may be many yet—we trusther Majestywill use her own good sense, and release all future Royal Christenings from the trappings of pomp and vanity with which custom has hitherto entangled them. We must say, in conclusion, thatHer Majestyis not responsible for all the pompous foolery against which we have raised our voice, for it has been customary long before she came to the throne, and she has, in many instances, had the courage and good sense to abolish many empty observances. We hope, on the next occasion of a Royal Christening, to find her exercising her own proper feeling in divesting the occasion of all those forms which are at variance with its spirit.

TTHERE is one species of Stock in the conversion of which no difficulty whatever would be experienced. Indeed, the experiment with this description of Stock has been successfully tried in the Indian portion of the British Empire; as is proved by the following extract from a general order:—

THERE is one species of Stock in the conversion of which no difficulty whatever would be experienced. Indeed, the experiment with this description of Stock has been successfully tried in the Indian portion of the British Empire; as is proved by the following extract from a general order:—

"The Commander-in-Chief is pleased to direct the entire discontinuance of the leather stock in all the Honourable Company's European regiments under this Presidency."

The British soldier would be very much obliged toLord Hardinge, if the gallant nobleman would please to convert his Stock from a rigid, galling, strangling band of leather into a collar of more flexible material. That common tailors occasionally discount bills is no reason why "clothing Colonels" should have to do such a "bit of stiff" for their men as the military Stock. The infliction of flogging in the army has been greatly mitigated, even in the cases of grave offenders; would it not be as well to abolish altogether the gratuitous punishment of the Stocks?

Rev. Glendower S. Fibbs, of Salem, U. S., has been induced, by the extensive interest of the British aristocracy in theSpiritual Manifestationswhich have lately been introduced from America, to visit this country with a view to the exhibition ofOccult Phenomena, on a scale which, owing to the prevalence of an illiberal spirit of persecution, has been hitherto unattempted in this or any other country since the era of Egyptian magic. He is accompanied by threeActually Possessed Mediums, who will utter responses, and afford correct information on doctrinal subjects, under the influence ofSpirits. He has also, at the expenditure of a considerable sum, secured the co-operation of a genuineWizardandWitchfrom Boston, Mass., who will prove theReality of SorceryandMagicbyOcular Demonstration, to the satisfaction of the most incredulous and determined sceptic.

TheWizardwill evoke theSpiritof anyDeceased Personwho may be agreed upon by the Party Assembled, and compel it to appear in a visible form before the eyes of the Spectators, deliver predictions, &c. TheWitchwill perform the much controverted, but undeniable and surprising feat ofRiding on a Broomstick; and to illustrate the power ofSorceryover the elements, will raise a Tempest on a small scale byBrewing a Stormin a Tea-pot. She will also exhibit the marvellousPhenomenaofTransformation, by changing herself succesively into the shape of various animals: after which she will summon herFamiliars, in the shape ofCats,ToadsandSpiders, and finally, together with herAttendant Imps,Vanish up the Chimney. TheWitchandWizardare really and truly what they profess to be, having both of them effected abonâ fidesale of themselves for 100 dollars a-piece to theGreat Master, well known as theLargest Slave Owner out of the States.

Thesoiréeto conclude with theAppearanceof theDeucehimself, whom theRev. Glendower S. Fibbswill raise in a magic circle upon the platform, entirely divested of supernatural terrors which might be calculated to alarm the timid and nervous. The circle will be so carefully charmed, as to preclude all possibility of his breaking through it, as effectually as if he were a bear on the top of a pole. The object of theRev. G. S. F., being to convince the Public of the fact of Spiritual Existences, will, he trusts, meet with theSupportandApprobationof serious and enlightened minds.

At home every morning from 10 to 2, for private consultations.Obnoxious Parties bewitched; Discovery of Stolen Goods, Philtres,&c., &c., on moderate terms.Magic Mirrors, Divining Rods, &c., Loaned or Sold,Soirées commence at 8.

pointing fingerAMERICAN DRINKS.

pointing finger

Gentleman in CartGentleman in Cart."I say, Guv'nor, Bring us out a Spoonful o' Gin for the old lady, will yer?—and I'll take a Pint o' Mild Ale—and look here. I don't want it thick—for Iain't hungry!"

Gentleman in Cart."I say, Guv'nor, Bring us out a Spoonful o' Gin for the old lady, will yer?—and I'll take a Pint o' Mild Ale—and look here. I don't want it thick—for Iain't hungry!"

We cannot help regretting that anything should be done by our military authorities to irritate the sore place which has been established in our relations with Russia. We, therefore, read with a degree of pain—which made us almost cry out, for we were really much hurt—that a letter dated June 27th, 1853, has gone out from the Horse Guards, prohibiting all general and staff officers from wearing Russia ducks by way of trousers. Whether this is meant as an insult to Russia we are unable to state; but we fear that Russia in the present sensitive state of affairs will regard this declaration of war against Russia ducks as an indication of a desire to provoke hostilities.

DIPLOMATIC PASTRY.—There is every probability that the dish heretofore known asNesselrodePudding will, in future, be denominated Humble Pie.

THE CAMPTHE CAMP.Captain Holster."Here! Hi! Some one!—Stop myBed room!—Hi!"

Captain Holster."Here! Hi! Some one!—Stop myBed room!—Hi!"

TheGlasgow Chronicledescribes a sewing machine, which has been introduced by aMr. Darling. ThisDarlingwill be considered a duck by some of our fashionable milliners; and his Jenny will be just the seamstress for their money, as she will ask no wages, want no food but a little oil, and be able to do without any rest whatever. Our own shirts, also, will be more comfortable to wear when we shall be enabled to think to ourselves that their manufacture has been ground out of wheels and cogs at small cost, and not out of human nerves and muscles for miserable pay.

Mr. Harkerwill perhaps have the goodness to propose at the next great Civic banquet this toast:—"Extramural Interment: or the Incorporation of London with Gravesend."

I SAY BILL, I WONDER WHAT THEM LADIES WOULD SAYA GENTLE REPROOF.Grenadier."I SAY BILL, I WONDER WHAT THEM LADIES WOULD SAY, IF WE WAS TO GO LOOKING INTOTHEIRROOMS!"

Grenadier."I SAY BILL, I WONDER WHAT THEM LADIES WOULD SAY, IF WE WAS TO GO LOOKING INTOTHEIRROOMS!"

IIT seems after all that the greatcasus bellibetween the Porte and Russia is "Who shall keep the key of the Greek Church?" The contest is to determine whether the key in question shall dangle on the watch-chain of the Greek, or hang on the bunch with the street-door and other keys of the Latin patriarch. We might as well allow theEmperor of Chinato interfere with us, and insist on appointing a protector of Temple Bar, for the purpose of deciding whether theQueenor theLord Mayorshall have the custody of that rusty old myth, the Key of the City. It is absurd, and yet awful to think, that all Europe should be kept on thequi viveabout a key of no real value, and which, in fact, nobody cares about.

IT seems after all that the greatcasus bellibetween the Porte and Russia is "Who shall keep the key of the Greek Church?" The contest is to determine whether the key in question shall dangle on the watch-chain of the Greek, or hang on the bunch with the street-door and other keys of the Latin patriarch. We might as well allow theEmperor of Chinato interfere with us, and insist on appointing a protector of Temple Bar, for the purpose of deciding whether theQueenor theLord Mayorshall have the custody of that rusty old myth, the Key of the City. It is absurd, and yet awful to think, that all Europe should be kept on thequi viveabout a key of no real value, and which, in fact, nobody cares about.

We think we can furnish a key to the whole difficulty, and we can point the way to a pacific solution of the question by putting the affair into the hands of our friendChubbof St. Paul's Churchyard, or our equally enlightened friendBramahof Piccadilly. We are convinced that either of these ingenious individuals will undertake to dispose of the question, "Who shall keep the key?" by furnishing each party with a duplicate. By this arrangement either of the individuals claiming custody of the key will have it in his power to avoid the necessity of either picking the lock or picking a quarrel.

Ophelia, in her madness, exclaims, "They say the owl was a baker's daughter." This was a delirious mistake. What they do say, or ought to say, is, that the owl is an undertaker's son. For truly the son of a certain sort of undertaker has an owl for his father: is an owl and the son of an owl, that ominous bird which

"Puts the wretch that lies in woe,In remembrance of a shroud."

"Puts the wretch that lies in woe,

In remembrance of a shroud."

Witness the subjoined statement by a correspondent of theDaily News:—

"A member of my family is just recovering from an illness which, for a time, kept all about her in daily apprehension. The fact of the illness becoming known in the neighbourhood, I am forthwith inundated with undertakers' circulars, in which all the horrid paraphernalia of the tomb are set forth, together with the various merits, "readiness," "dispatch," &c., of the applicant, expectant of his job, and all this is shamelessly, indecently, wantonly, thrust before the very eyes of afflicted relatives, watching the sick bed with feelings racked between the alternations of hope and despair."

Precisely as the light in the sick chamber elicits the shriek of the screech-owl, so does the muffled knocker attract the puffs of the advertising undertaker. With the attributes of the owl, however, these death-hunters combine the propensities of the crow and the vulture, which repair to the spot whereon a creature is dying, and hover impatiently about their prey that still breathes. Occasionally, no doubt, the vultures and crows, by a premature bite or dig of the beak, expedite the process of dissolution, and very likely the other birds of prey not unfrequently do the same thing: for one of these undertakers' circulars getting, by the folly of an old nurse, or any other misfortune, into the hands of a person dangerously ill, would be extremely likely to occasion a fatal shock, and convert the expected corpse into an actual one.

The writer in theDaily Newssays that he called on one of the senders of these disgusting handbills, and informed the sordid and unfeeling snob that in case the services proffered by him were ever, unhappily, required, he would undoubtedly not be employed to render them. It is to be hoped that the determination expressed by this gentleman will be strenuously acted on by everybody else; and that when any one gets hold of a communication of this sort under similar circumstances, he will, instead of flinging it in a rage behind the fire, carefully preserve it, for the purpose of showing it to all his acquaintance, in order that they may make a note of the advertiser's name, lest they should ever forget it, and be induced to give any custom to such an odious brute.

Mind, however, that if you will associate sepulture with upholstery, you must expect to have upholsterers looking to sepulture with mere upholsterers' feelings. You ought not to be surprised that undertakers speculate on the prospect of a job at your house. It should not astonish you if one of these gentry were to propose to measure your wife or child for a coffin. If your funerals must needs be "furnished," your funeral furniture will involve competition, and its incidental snobbisms. Put away the soul's old clothes in a plain box, with decent rites and no other ceremony. Deposit them where they may most conveniently decompose, and deposit as little as possible of any value to decompose with them. Why should it cost a considerable sum to put a small piece of organic framework into earth? Whilst that operation continues to be expensive, we shall be sure to be pestered by candidates for its performance, invading the very chamber of sickness with tenders of cheap coffins, reduced shrouds, moderate palls, ridiculously low hearses, economical mourning coaches, and highly reasonable feathers.

Afterseveral years of grumbling on the part of the public, we have at last got a Government that has been "strong enough" to venture on what, in the highly intelligent circles of Downing Street, has hitherto been considered the "hazardous question" of Cab Reform. It is a positive fact that untilMr. Fitzroytook the matter in hand, every administration has been "afraid" of the introduction of a Cab Bill, lest it should have opened the door to opposition, or, in other words, the public were to be crammed into wretched cabs, lest the Cab-in-et should be turned out.

Everybody with half a grain of common sense was perfectly well aware that Cab Reform would be one of the most popular things a Government could undertake; but it has required several years to make this plain fact intelligible in high quarters; and even now, there has been a timidity in dealing with some portions of the subject of Cab Reform, which, though the new Act is very good, as far as it goes, will soon cause the public to complain. We, however, desire to give all praise where it is due; and especially toMr. Fitzroy, who will go down to posterity with his aggravated Assaults' Act in one hand, and his Cab Law in the other, to say nothing of the County Courts' Measure sticking out of his pocket. The sympathy shown by the present Government towards riders in cabs affords a proof that we have in the Administration—(now, reader, prepare to be knocked over by an unexpected blow)—a few really Cabbin'-it Ministers. We will conclude with a lyric tribute toMr. Fitzroy, adapted to the itinerant air of—

Cheer! boys, cheer! no more of imposition,Cabs at true fares shall bear us on our way;Mayne'ssmart police shall show the proper tariff,Telling us exactly what we have to pay.So farewell, fraud—much as we've endured thee,We'll let alone what may have gone before,Why should we growl at having paid back carriage,We shall not have to pay it any more.Cheer! boys, cheer! forPunchandMr. Fitzroy,Cheer! boys, cheer! forPunchis our right hand;Cheer! boys, cheer! there's fruit ofFitzroy'slabour,Cheer! boys, cheer! for the new Improved Cab Stand.Cheer! boys, cheer! no wind is on us blowing,Through broken panes upon our neck and chest,This horse can go the distance we are going,By over work he is no more opprest;Once we had cabs—than hencoops scarcely better—Through open spaces letting in the rain;Now, ours shall be the clean and well-built carriage,And at a price as moderate again.Cheer! boys, cheer! &c.

Cheer! boys, cheer! no more of imposition,

Cabs at true fares shall bear us on our way;

Mayne'ssmart police shall show the proper tariff,

Telling us exactly what we have to pay.

So farewell, fraud—much as we've endured thee,

We'll let alone what may have gone before,

Why should we growl at having paid back carriage,

We shall not have to pay it any more.

Cheer! boys, cheer! forPunchandMr. Fitzroy,

Cheer! boys, cheer! forPunchis our right hand;

Cheer! boys, cheer! there's fruit ofFitzroy'slabour,

Cheer! boys, cheer! for the new Improved Cab Stand.

Cheer! boys, cheer! no wind is on us blowing,Through broken panes upon our neck and chest,This horse can go the distance we are going,By over work he is no more opprest;Once we had cabs—than hencoops scarcely better—Through open spaces letting in the rain;Now, ours shall be the clean and well-built carriage,And at a price as moderate again.Cheer! boys, cheer! &c.

Cheer! boys, cheer! no wind is on us blowing,

Through broken panes upon our neck and chest,

This horse can go the distance we are going,

By over work he is no more opprest;

Once we had cabs—than hencoops scarcely better—

Through open spaces letting in the rain;

Now, ours shall be the clean and well-built carriage,

And at a price as moderate again.

Cheer! boys, cheer! &c.

"Men in a passion should be treated like kettles—when they boil over, they should be taken off."

Of all men it must be confessed that the Tax-gatherer has the most calls for his money.

A Guardsman's Confession(overheard at Chobham).—"On my word there's no greater Bore in the world than your military Drill!"

First Cock SparrowFirst Cock Sparrow."What a miwackulous tye, Fwank. How the doose do you manage it?"Second Cock Sparrow."Yas. I fancy it is rather grand; but then, you see, I give the whole of my Mind to it!"

First Cock Sparrow."What a miwackulous tye, Fwank. How the doose do you manage it?"

Second Cock Sparrow."Yas. I fancy it is rather grand; but then, you see, I give the whole of my Mind to it!"

Oh Emerald Isle, brightest pearl of the ocean,First flower of the earth, on thy newly-horn wingsSoar up to the sky, with triumphant emotion,Whilst thou sittest, receiving the homage of kings.Raise, Erin, thy brow, which no longer is cloudedAnd seared by the cold brand of chilling neglect;Stand forth in the garb of festivity shroudedAs thy sons and thy daughters, fair maiden, expect.Exchanging thy widowhood's lonely conditionFor the splendour and state of a blushing young bride,Preside, unabashed, o'er thy Great Exhibition,Thy heart humbly swelling with glory and pride.Yes, Ireland, thy lap filled with all the world's riches,Of thy shirt-sleeves the elbows, gone ragged of yore,Shall no longer hang out at the knees of thy breeches,And the toes of thy brogues out at heel go no more.Too long has the Demon of fell agitation,By the dark torch of discord diffused o'er the land,Created a stir, which has caused a stagnation,Bringing business, and everything else, to a stand.Away with Brigades—they're all mighty bad bargains;Away with those heads that are nothing but tails,The footsteps for you, boys, to follow, areDargan's:And don't proceed backwards inDr. Machale's!

Oh Emerald Isle, brightest pearl of the ocean,First flower of the earth, on thy newly-horn wingsSoar up to the sky, with triumphant emotion,Whilst thou sittest, receiving the homage of kings.

Oh Emerald Isle, brightest pearl of the ocean,

First flower of the earth, on thy newly-horn wings

Soar up to the sky, with triumphant emotion,

Whilst thou sittest, receiving the homage of kings.

Raise, Erin, thy brow, which no longer is cloudedAnd seared by the cold brand of chilling neglect;Stand forth in the garb of festivity shroudedAs thy sons and thy daughters, fair maiden, expect.

Raise, Erin, thy brow, which no longer is clouded

And seared by the cold brand of chilling neglect;

Stand forth in the garb of festivity shrouded

As thy sons and thy daughters, fair maiden, expect.

Exchanging thy widowhood's lonely conditionFor the splendour and state of a blushing young bride,Preside, unabashed, o'er thy Great Exhibition,Thy heart humbly swelling with glory and pride.

Exchanging thy widowhood's lonely condition

For the splendour and state of a blushing young bride,

Preside, unabashed, o'er thy Great Exhibition,

Thy heart humbly swelling with glory and pride.

Yes, Ireland, thy lap filled with all the world's riches,Of thy shirt-sleeves the elbows, gone ragged of yore,Shall no longer hang out at the knees of thy breeches,And the toes of thy brogues out at heel go no more.

Yes, Ireland, thy lap filled with all the world's riches,

Of thy shirt-sleeves the elbows, gone ragged of yore,

Shall no longer hang out at the knees of thy breeches,

And the toes of thy brogues out at heel go no more.

Too long has the Demon of fell agitation,By the dark torch of discord diffused o'er the land,Created a stir, which has caused a stagnation,Bringing business, and everything else, to a stand.

Too long has the Demon of fell agitation,

By the dark torch of discord diffused o'er the land,

Created a stir, which has caused a stagnation,

Bringing business, and everything else, to a stand.

Away with Brigades—they're all mighty bad bargains;Away with those heads that are nothing but tails,The footsteps for you, boys, to follow, areDargan's:And don't proceed backwards inDr. Machale's!

Away with Brigades—they're all mighty bad bargains;

Away with those heads that are nothing but tails,

The footsteps for you, boys, to follow, areDargan's:

And don't proceed backwards inDr. Machale's!

An advertisement has appeared in nearly all the papers, announcing as a "novel and thrilling attraction" that

"Two ladies will make their ascent on Monday evening next, suspended from the car of the Royal Cremorne Balloon."

There is evidently some mistake in the announcement of this unwomanly and degrading exhibition. We cannot well allow that to be an "ascent" where the parties engaged so completely lower themselves.

Major-General Punchhaving appointed this day for the inspection of theQueen'sPiebalds, that gallant and distinguished corps arrived at Chamomile Scrubs at 9 o'clock in full marching order, and formed line with rear to the railway, to await the arrival of the General. The inspections of the General are generally looked forward to with much interest by the cavalry, in consequence of their practical nature; and this being so close upon the Chobham affair, a considerable amount of cramming had been practised by the subalterns, who had given up their days and nights to the getting up of their "echelons," "wheels," &c., and the other interesting information afforded by the book published by authority of the Adjutant-General.

The General arrived shortly after the troops, and immediately proceeded to business. He first inspected the ranks; and having ascertained (as indeed had been ascertained before, in "troop," "squad," and "grand parade") that the men's hair was cut according to the regulations, that the whiskers were in line with their ears, and that their "boots were polished and jackets were trim," he made a minute inspection of the appointments, pointing out the mode of fastening the carabine as giving ample room for improvement. The pouch he was particularly displeased with, asking somewhat snappishly, "What the devil it did at the back when it was wanted in the front?" He also made some observations about the cartridges, blank as well as ball, which we couldn't catch. The regiment then marched past by squadron, files, troops, threes, &c. While ranking past by single file—a movement, by the bye, which is particularly slow in more senses than one—the General resumed the subject of the appointments, and paid particular attention to the valise, and mode of packing it; but as his observations were repeated in an after part of the day, we need not here insert them.

The sword exercise was next performed in a manner which did great credit to the adjutant. Indeed the pursuing practice, at a gallop, was particularly exciting; the troops scouring the Scrubs in pursuit of nothing, with a zeal and vigour which must have struck terror into the heart ofNicholas, or even his illustrious namesake himself, had either witnessed the scene.

The evolutions next commenced,General Punchhimself giving the word of command—the practice he always adopts at his inspections, in order to prevent the possibility of commanding officers cramming their troops with a series of common-place movements. However, things went off very well, notwithstanding. While the skirmishers were out the General took the opportunity of again pointing out the great inconvenience, not to say the utter uselessness of the pouch, which article of war, by the bye, he seems to be properly "down upon." It was noticed indeed that nearly all the skirmishers dispensed entirely with its use, putting their ammunition in their breasts, or rather, in the breasts of their coats. The gallant General galloped about from flank to flank with great fury, "dressing" the line and the leaders with a nicety which must have greatly pleased the adjutant. The manner in which he shouted "Up, up, up, up the l-l-left!" "Back the r-r-right!" must also have been equally approved of by that officer.

On returning to barracks, the General went round the stables, attended by the Colonel and the officers of their respective troops. It is this part of the day's business that always causes the "funking" (if we may be allowed to apply that term in military matters) of the officers. The General being well "up" in all the minutiæ of stable economy, mostly puzzles the officers with his curious information respecting straps, buckles, wallets, shoe-cases, &c., a sort of information which, though it may be thought "boring" to acquire, and though it may seldom be necessary for officers to apply in quarters, would be found very essential in actual warfare, or at Chobham, where it was not unlikely an officer might be left without his "batman," and have to shift for himself.

We give a specimen of the sort of information required by the General of these affairs, premising however that he does not select an individual officer, and subject him to a lengthened catechism; but good-humouredly dodges from one to another, so that no one feels as if he had been subjected to an "examination." The following may be given as a summary of the answers elicited:—

Lieut. So and so.—Had been in the Piebalds 4 years, a Lieutenant 3 years; has had command of the troop sometimes in the absence of the Captain; had frequently sat on Courts-martial, which he considered a bore: didn't know who rodethathorse—didn't know the horse's number; the horse in the next stall was "rode" by a serjeant; didn't know the serjeant's name; knew he was a serjeant, because he worethree stripes. Thought a cloak strap had something to do with a cloak, didn't know how it was fastened; supposed to the saddle somehow. A troop horse had oats and hay, and some pails of water every day—about so much; the exact amount was down in the stable regulations which he had read—remembered reading them once at the head of the troop when he first joined;Lieut. Whiffinpelted him with nuts while he was doing so. Couldn't answer the question, "Do you bruise your oats?" there was nothing in the stable regulations about that. Knew how to pack a valise,viz., "according to the Articles of War and the provisions of the Mutiny Act;" knew there was a standing order about it, didn't recollect the whole of it; knew the forage cap "was to be placed on the heels of the highlows;" was certain of that: thought on that plan the boots and spurs might be rolled up in a shirt; blacking, and pipeclay-sponge along with the socks; thought it likely that the cap wouldn't be in a fit state to wear after being on the highlows, but couldn't help that; it was the regulation. Knew what a private's daily pay was, didn't know what a lance corporal's was; didn't know what either paid for daily messing, didn't want to know; knew whathepaid very well. Hadn't the remotest idea how much meat or bread would be required for fifty men, should say a precious sight; didn't know whether the men were allowed beer, had reason to believe they drank it, or something else sometimes. Didn't know much about encampments, how should he? Had been reading up for Chobham, couldn't find out whether thechwas hard or soft. Rather liked the idea of encamping, thought there would be some fun. Didn't know much about pitching a tent; supposed it would have some reference to keeping it dry; but his batman or some one else would attend to that sort of thing.Gunterwas going to forage for their mess. Thought any joking about campaign and Champagne stoopid: no one but a civilian would attempt it.

The General wound up the day's proceedings by visiting the Hospital, School Room, Library, and outhouses; and—having satisfied himself as to the state of the barracks, read all the books in the library, examined every man's accounts in each troop, ascertained the particulars of every case in hospital—adjourned to the mess, where the festivities were kept with the usual spirit of the Piebalds.

TTo the Right Hon. Sir William Molesworth, Bart.

To the Right Hon. Sir William Molesworth, Bart.

"I am a Man upon Town; that is, I confess, I spend the greater part of my time in idling thereabout. But now and then I am seized with a desire to improve my mind, expand my faculties, elevate my ideas—and all that sort of thing—and in this proper disposition I go to the British Museum: which I find shut.

"I don't know how this is. My own fault? I ought to know that the Museum is only open on certain days? Yes, I ought—but I don't. I forget the days. I can't remember them; and other people who are not so indolent as I am, and take pains to recollect them, forget them too.

"Besides, if I am indolent, I am one of the British Public, for whose use and amusement the British Museum is meant, and think its arrangements ought, in a reasonable measure, to be accommodated to my indolence.

"But what you will, perhaps, regard as a consideration of greater weight, there are numerous persons who only get a leisure day occasionally; and that leisure, like my fit of diligence, is safe to occur on a day when the Museum is closed.

"Why not throw the British Museum open every day, except on the few days when it may be necessary, if it is necessary, that artists should have it all to themselves—like the National Gallery? What good do the statues, the stuffed animals, the antiquities, and the mummies do half their time, wasting their sweetness on the desert—or at least the vacant—air? It would be much better if they were putting some ideas into my vacant mind.

"I wish, like a good fellow, you would attend to this, as Chief Commissioner of Works, and have the British Museum thrown open, or get the Trustees, or whatever you call the authorities, to throw it open daily, or as nearly so as possible, to suit the convenience of industrious fellows, and the desultory habits of

"An Inconstant Reader."

"P.S.Her Majesty'ssubjects have to thank you for admission to Kew Gardens on a Sunday. It would be a capital thing if you could get the Museum opened to them likewise; particularly as the Nineveh sculptures, I understand, are regular 'sermons in stones'—to borrow the expression of—I believe—Shakspeare."

(Being the English change forCount Nesselrode'sCircular Note.)

AsPrince Menschikoff'smission has caused a great rumpus,And a notion prevails that the Czar's in the wrong,And as England and France may be able to stump us,These our reasons you'll state, Courts and Cabinets among.You need scarcely point out that of truth there's no particleIn the monstrous report, that our threatenings of warAre meant to enforce on the Sultan an articleWhich puts twelve million Turks 'neath the thumb of the Czar.As no Cabinet gravely can hold such a notion,You will go on at once to impress, at your Court,The Czar's Christian care and unselfish devotionFor the Russo-Greek Church in the realms of the Porte.You will say that his feelings are strictly parentalTowards that Church, of which he is the father and head.That the influence he wields is all moral and mental—A fact proved by all he has done—at least, said.Describe the Czar's wish to know wherefore this heat isAt demands which existing conventions allow;Cite Kainardji's and Adrianople's two treaties,And point out that they give all we're asking for now.Show how, from beginning to end of the business,All about Holy Places the question has been;That, if 'twixt us and France there was some slight uneasiness,The horizon on that side is now quite serene.That the Russo-Greek rights have been clearly admitted,And secured by a firman, and Hatti-Scheriff;So that France and the Latin Communions outwitted,Yield thepasto the Russo-Greek Church and its chief.Recapitulate then, as these rights—in the first place—Are what Russia has always enjoyed, beyond doubt;And as—secondly—France is now put in the worst placeIn the matter, whereon she and Russia fell out;And as—in the third place—the Sultan has grantedAll we asked by a Firman, which clearly maintainsThe rights of our Church, which was all we e'er wanted;And as—in the fourth place—my note thus explainsThe duplicity, weakness, and tergiversationWhich the Porte through the whole of this business has shown,And proves, too, the Czar's great forbearance and patience,Guided, as he has been, by his duty alone;—We cannot conceive what he's taken to task for,If on the offensive he ventures to act,Seeing that we have always had all we now ask for,And have since got a firman confirming the fact.Submit the above, as a full demonstration,That no option we've had, 'tween disgrace and a war,And ask if the Porte had so used them, what nationButmusthave done just what's been done by the Czar?

AsPrince Menschikoff'smission has caused a great rumpus,

And a notion prevails that the Czar's in the wrong,

And as England and France may be able to stump us,

These our reasons you'll state, Courts and Cabinets among.

You need scarcely point out that of truth there's no particleIn the monstrous report, that our threatenings of warAre meant to enforce on the Sultan an articleWhich puts twelve million Turks 'neath the thumb of the Czar.

You need scarcely point out that of truth there's no particle

In the monstrous report, that our threatenings of war

Are meant to enforce on the Sultan an article

Which puts twelve million Turks 'neath the thumb of the Czar.

As no Cabinet gravely can hold such a notion,You will go on at once to impress, at your Court,The Czar's Christian care and unselfish devotionFor the Russo-Greek Church in the realms of the Porte.

As no Cabinet gravely can hold such a notion,

You will go on at once to impress, at your Court,

The Czar's Christian care and unselfish devotion

For the Russo-Greek Church in the realms of the Porte.

You will say that his feelings are strictly parentalTowards that Church, of which he is the father and head.That the influence he wields is all moral and mental—A fact proved by all he has done—at least, said.

You will say that his feelings are strictly parental

Towards that Church, of which he is the father and head.

That the influence he wields is all moral and mental—

A fact proved by all he has done—at least, said.

Describe the Czar's wish to know wherefore this heat isAt demands which existing conventions allow;Cite Kainardji's and Adrianople's two treaties,And point out that they give all we're asking for now.

Describe the Czar's wish to know wherefore this heat is

At demands which existing conventions allow;

Cite Kainardji's and Adrianople's two treaties,

And point out that they give all we're asking for now.

Show how, from beginning to end of the business,All about Holy Places the question has been;That, if 'twixt us and France there was some slight uneasiness,The horizon on that side is now quite serene.

Show how, from beginning to end of the business,

All about Holy Places the question has been;

That, if 'twixt us and France there was some slight uneasiness,

The horizon on that side is now quite serene.

That the Russo-Greek rights have been clearly admitted,And secured by a firman, and Hatti-Scheriff;So that France and the Latin Communions outwitted,Yield thepasto the Russo-Greek Church and its chief.

That the Russo-Greek rights have been clearly admitted,

And secured by a firman, and Hatti-Scheriff;

So that France and the Latin Communions outwitted,

Yield thepasto the Russo-Greek Church and its chief.

Recapitulate then, as these rights—in the first place—Are what Russia has always enjoyed, beyond doubt;And as—secondly—France is now put in the worst placeIn the matter, whereon she and Russia fell out;

Recapitulate then, as these rights—in the first place—

Are what Russia has always enjoyed, beyond doubt;

And as—secondly—France is now put in the worst place

In the matter, whereon she and Russia fell out;

And as—in the third place—the Sultan has grantedAll we asked by a Firman, which clearly maintainsThe rights of our Church, which was all we e'er wanted;And as—in the fourth place—my note thus explains

And as—in the third place—the Sultan has granted

All we asked by a Firman, which clearly maintains

The rights of our Church, which was all we e'er wanted;

And as—in the fourth place—my note thus explains

The duplicity, weakness, and tergiversationWhich the Porte through the whole of this business has shown,And proves, too, the Czar's great forbearance and patience,Guided, as he has been, by his duty alone;—

The duplicity, weakness, and tergiversation

Which the Porte through the whole of this business has shown,

And proves, too, the Czar's great forbearance and patience,

Guided, as he has been, by his duty alone;—

We cannot conceive what he's taken to task for,If on the offensive he ventures to act,Seeing that we have always had all we now ask for,And have since got a firman confirming the fact.

We cannot conceive what he's taken to task for,

If on the offensive he ventures to act,

Seeing that we have always had all we now ask for,

And have since got a firman confirming the fact.

Submit the above, as a full demonstration,That no option we've had, 'tween disgrace and a war,And ask if the Porte had so used them, what nationButmusthave done just what's been done by the Czar?

Submit the above, as a full demonstration,

That no option we've had, 'tween disgrace and a war,

And ask if the Porte had so used them, what nation

Butmusthave done just what's been done by the Czar?

The chief difficulty of military science, as studied at the Camp at Chobham, has proved during the late wet weather to consist in the elements.

On what model has the India Bill been formed? On that of a pale ale bottle, one would think, for it seems to be a very insufficient measure.

ANOTHER NIGHT SURPRISE AT CHOBHAMANOTHER NIGHT SURPRISE AT CHOBHAM.

The Camp at Chobham has already so far answered its purpose as to have given a powerful impetus to the military propensities of the rising generation, and there has been a considerable muster of troops in many a nursery, which may, on this occasion, be termed a nursery for young soldiers.

We lately had the privilege of being present at a Grand Nursery Review and Sham Fight, where the Wooden Cavalry, under the command ofMaster Jones, stood a fierce attack from a division of tin soldiery under the able direction ofMasterandMiss Toddlekins. The ground occupied was a sort of table land, having for its surface atapis vert, or green cover.Master Joneswas on the spot early, and the Wooden Cavalry were at once disturbed from their bivouac; and the sentries having been summoned from their boxes, took up a strong position behind some lines formed of an open dictionary, which admitted of the soldiers being disposed in double columns. The Wooden Cavalry looked remarkably well, though some of them were evidently veterans who had been in the wars, for there were many without arms, a few without heads, and here and there a horse had been curtailed of a tail, or some other usual adjunct.MasterandMiss Toddlekinsnow brought up—from down-stairs—a considerable body of tin soldiery of every arm—though, occasionally, deficient of a leg—and these having been drawn up exactly opposite to the Wooden Cavalry, both sides were prepared to give or take battle.

The proceedings commenced by the sound of a trumpet feebly blown byMiss Toddlekins, and responded to on the drum byMaster Jones, when a smart fire of peas, ably directed byMaster Toddlekins, was opened on the wooden cavalry. The double columns of "Johnson's Dictionary" for a time sheltered the forces underMaster Jones; but a suddensortiemade byMiss Toddlekinsshook the opposing force with such violence that several fellen masse, and themêleébecoming general, great numbers on both sides were savagely put to the pea-shooter. The forces underMaster Jonesbeing now entirely put to the rout, their young commander grew desperate and threw down upon the foe all his strength, combined in one enormous volume—of the dictionary already alluded to.

The loss on both sides was considerable, and among the casualties must be enumerated an accident of a rather harassing nature toMr. Jones Seniorwho, while surveying the field of battle, received in a small indentation on the right of his nose one of the largest peas of the enemy. It is satisfactory, however, to add that the battle was decisive, for no animosity remained on the minds of the young chiefs on either side, who, having removed the killed and wounded, immediately spread thetapis vertwith a repast of the choicest jams, which they all freely partook of. The only soreness that remained was on the part ofMr. Jones Senior, but his anger was soon appeased, and the peas were speedily forgotten.

Here is a bit of fine writing:—

"We have been led to imagine that the dark cloud which impended over commerce in the time of the Star Chamber, had been scattered by the onward progress of civil freedom—we have from early childhood been thankful that we were not born in the days when serfdom crippled the body and bigotry the mind of man, and we cannot think your Lordship will pledge the legislation of the 19th century to an enactment so offensive as this irresponsible police power is to"—

To whom? Well—taking "commerce" as a misprint for "conscience" one might imagine that the remonstrants were "Maltese CrossJohn Tuam,"Daniel, orDennis, orDermot, or whatever-his-name-isCahill,Frederick Lucas, and other such gentry—and clergy—denouncing a sanguinary, atrocious, diabolical, fiendish, &c. &c. proposition for the deliverance of nuns from false imprisonment. But no. The individuals to whom the "irresponsible police power" is "offensive," are simply

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