STANDARD LITERATURE.

A writer in theStandard, thinking that the title Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is clumsy on account of its length, proposes that it be changed to Animalthropic Society. It is not likely that Mr. BERGH, who has some reputation for scholarship, will adopt a suggestion in which a bit of Greek is brought in "wrong end foremost," unless, indeed, his well-known partiality for the canine creature might induce him to look with favor upon a compound so manifestly of the "dog Greek" description.

Might not the child's new-fangled humming-top, which is advertised to dance sixty seconds, be said to dance a minuet?

WESTON'S great Feat.

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When you see "excellent trouting in a romantic mountain district" advertised in the papers, go somewhere else.

On arriving where you have reason to believe trout exist, inquire of some rural angler which are the best brooks, and fish exclusively in those he runs down.

In making a cast, throw your line as far as you can. The biggest fish are usually obtained from the long Reaches.

Never angle under a blistering sun, nor with Spanish flies.

Keep as far as possible from the brook. If the trout see you they will connect you with the rod, in which case you will find it difficult to connect them with the line.

Many anglers fish up stream, but the surest way to secure a mess of trout is with the Current.

Take some agreeable stimulant with you to the water-side. You will find it a great assistance when Reeling in.

One of the best places for obtaining the speckled prey is under a Waterfall--but you needn't mention this fact to the ladies.

When a brook divides among the trees, angle in the main stream, not in the Branches.

In playing a trout under the willows, be very careful, or you may get Worsted among the Osiers.

When you land a two-pound trout (which you never will,) double the weight, else what's the use of having a Multiplier.

If you wish to take anything heavy you must walk right into the water. The regular Sneezers are generally caught in this way.

The experienced angler goes forth expecting nothing, and is rarely disappointed.

Superstitious Piscators have great faith in the Heavenly Signs, but often fail to find a Sign of a Fish under the fishiest sign of the Zodiac.

Avoid water-courses infested with saw-mills. These dammed streams seldom contain many trout.

To jerk a fish out of the water with a wire is even more despicable than political wire-pulling.

A rod should never consist of more than three sections, and the angler should look well to his joints after a wetting, as they are apt to swell and stiffen in the Sockets.

Rise early if you would have good sport. Should you feel sleepy afterwards, the river has a Bed that you can easily get into.

Catching trout is strictly a summery pleasure, and when indulged in at any other season should be visited by Summary punishment.

There are numerous treatises on angling, but in "JOHN BROWN'S Tract" the youthful Piscator will find the best of Guides.

It often happens that trout do not begin to bite till late in the day, in which case it is advisable to make the most of thecommencement de la Fin.

As the culture of fish is now engaging the attention of philanthropists, it is probable that the superior varieties will hereafter be found in Schools, where, of course, the Rod will be more profitably employed than in Whipping (under present circumstances,) "the complaining brooks that keep the meadows green."

LOVE IN A BOARDING-HOUSE.Miss SARAH SAGOE'S boarding-house--I recommend her steaks;Two plates of pudding she allows, and--oh! what buckwheat cakes!We're all so very fond of them, (we deprecate the grease,)But we'd a greater fondness for Miss SARAH SAGOE'S niece.In heavenly blue her eyes surpassed--the milk; "her teeth were pearl."That's BROWN! Poetic genius, BROWN, (devoted to that girl.)JOE TROTT to flowers took; SAWTELL, and PETERS to croquet;GREEN thrumbed guitar; while as for me, I sighed and pined away.Not one but lost his appetite--at no less price for board.Meanwhile this heartless ARABELLE, by all of us adored,Gives out that she's to marry a rich broker from New York;We heard the news at dinner--down dropped each knife and fork.We're glad our eyes are open now, though every one's a dupe,'Tis queer we didn't see before how she dipped up the soup;And, now I think it over, I wonder man could wishTo win that hand unmerciful that so harpooned the fish."That vulgar girl," as JOE TROTT says, "a helpmeet fine will make"--She never failed to help herself most handsomely to steak;The pudding holds out better now that she is gone away--And it's consolation precious that I've not her board to pay.

Miss SARAH SAGOE'S boarding-house--I recommend her steaks;Two plates of pudding she allows, and--oh! what buckwheat cakes!We're all so very fond of them, (we deprecate the grease,)But we'd a greater fondness for Miss SARAH SAGOE'S niece.

In heavenly blue her eyes surpassed--the milk; "her teeth were pearl."That's BROWN! Poetic genius, BROWN, (devoted to that girl.)JOE TROTT to flowers took; SAWTELL, and PETERS to croquet;GREEN thrumbed guitar; while as for me, I sighed and pined away.

Not one but lost his appetite--at no less price for board.Meanwhile this heartless ARABELLE, by all of us adored,Gives out that she's to marry a rich broker from New York;We heard the news at dinner--down dropped each knife and fork.

We're glad our eyes are open now, though every one's a dupe,'Tis queer we didn't see before how she dipped up the soup;And, now I think it over, I wonder man could wishTo win that hand unmerciful that so harpooned the fish.

"That vulgar girl," as JOE TROTT says, "a helpmeet fine will make"--She never failed to help herself most handsomely to steak;The pudding holds out better now that she is gone away--And it's consolation precious that I've not her board to pay.

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Manager DALY foundFrou Frouso popular, that he has given us a second dose of M. SARDOU'S Dramatic Mixture, three times stronger than the first, and warranted to restore the moral tone of all repentant Pretty Waiter Girls. The label borne by the new Mixture is "Fernande," but as "CLOTILDE," and not "FERNANDE," is the principal ingredient, the name is obviously ill-selected. Though the materials were imported from the celebrated Parisian laboratory of M. SARDOU, the Mixture in its present form was prepared "in vacuo" by two dramatic chemists of this city, and ought properly to bear their name. As compared withFrou Frou, it is much more palatable, and far more powerful, and there is no reason to suppose that it contains anything deleterious to the moral health of the play-goer. An analysis made by order of PUNCHINELLO shows that it consists of the following materials, combined in the following proportions:

ACT I.--Scene, a Gambling-House. EnterM. POMMEROL,a benevolent lawyer.

POMMEROL. "I am a lawyer with an enormous practice. Having nothing whatever to do, I came here to find FERNANDE, the pretty waiter girl. Here comes my cousin CLOTILDE. She is an angel of virtue and the mistress of my friend ANDRE. What can she want here?"

CLOTILDE. "My carriage has just run over a young girl, who lives here. As the horses trampled upon her for some time, I came to see if she had sustained any inconvenience."

POMMEROL. "CLOTILDE, this girl is named FERNANDE. She is as bad as she can well be, therefore I implore you to take her home with you and adopt her. Will you do it?"

CLOTILDE. "Of course I will. Who could refuse such a trifling request! But look, here come the people of the house."

Enter various gamblers and disreputable women, who conduct themselves with appropriate freedom from the restraints of conventionality.FERNANDE,who is too lachrymose to be a cheerful feature, is wisely placed on guard at the outer door. The company proceed to play at faro, the bank being the loser. There is a false alarm of police, and the game is suddenly stopped. The Banker, being naturally indignant, attempts to relieve his mind by punchingFERNANDE'shead. Heroic interference byPOMMEROL,and consequent tableau. Curtain.

SATIRICAL PERSON,to one of the ushers."Will you tell me what street this house is in?"

USHER. "Twenty-fourth street, sir."

SATIRICAL PERSON. "All right. You see I came up in a University Place car, and I was beginning to think, after having seen that last scene, that I had made a mistake, and gone down town instead of up town."

RESPECTABLE LADY,to female friend."Isn't it shockingly improper! But then it is so interesting, and it is really one's duty to know how those creatures conduct themselves when they are at home."

ACT II.--Scene,CLOTILDE'sGarden.CLOTILDEsoliloquizes as follows:

CLOTILDE. "I have adopted FERNANDE and shall call her MARGUERITE. ANDRE has deceived me, and I will test his love at once." (EnterANDRE.)

CLOTILDE. "ANDRE, I think we have made a mistake in fancying ourselves in love. Would you like to leave me?"

ANDRE. "My dearest friend, I really think I should. You see I have just fallen in love with an innocent little angel. By Jove! there she is. Tell me her name."

CLOTILDE. "That is MARGUERITE, a protegé of mine. You shall marry her. Go and make love to her." (He goes.)

CLOTILDE. "The base wretch deserts me. I will proceed to become a tigress. I will marry him to FERNANDE, and then tell him what a base wretch she is. We'll see how he will like that. He thinks her innocent! Ha! ha! (Aside.--On reflection she is innocent according to this version of the play; but SARDOU told the truth about her, and I will act on the supposition that she is a wretch.) That will be a fit revenge, and I can't do better than rave about it for a while." (Raves accordingly until the curtain falls.)

COLD-BLOODED CRITIC. "I have never seen a finer piece of acting than that of Miss MORANT in the last scene. But then her revenge becomes absurd when you reflect that FERNANDE is just what ANDRE fancies her, an innocent girl. That is a fair specimen of the way in which American writers adapt French plays. They sacrifice probability to prudery."

FASHIONABLE LADY. "How sweetly penitent FERNANDE looks in her black dress. I hope she will be innocent enough to wear white in the next act. One shouldn't give way to repentance or grief for too long a time. Now when my husband died I was in the deepest grief for six months, and then slipped into half mourning so gradually that no one noticed the change."

ACT III. FERNANDEandCLOTILDEare discovered discussing the question ofFERNANDE'swedding outfit.

FERNANDE. "But does ANDRE know how naughty I behaved when I was an innocent girl in a gambling-house?"

CLOTILDE. "He does, my dear, but you mustn't speak of it to him,"

FERNANDE. "I will write to him then, and confess all. There isn't anything to confess, but still I am determined to confess it."

CLOTILDE. "Write if you choose. (Aside.I will put the letter in a lamp-post box, so that he will never get it. On second thought I will keep it. Some day I might want to use it.")

FERNANDEwrites the letter andCLOTILDEconfiscates it.ANDRE, POMMEROLand a variety of people come and go and talk of a variety of things. FinallyFERNANDEandANDREare led out to marriage, and the dread ceremony is perpetrated. Curtain.

The fourth act opens with a pleasant family party at the house of the newly married couple. The company play at that singular game of cards so popular on the stage, in which everybody plays out of turn, and nobody ever takes a trick. Finally they all go to bed except ANDRE, who goes to sleep in his chair, as is doubtless the custom with newly-married Frenchmen. Presently CLOTILDE enters through a secret door and wakes him up.

ANDRE. "My dear CLOTILDE, you really mustn't. Think what my wife would say. So innocent an angel would suspect there was something wrong in your visiting me at midnight."

CLOTILDE. "Base villain, you have deserted me. Now I am revenged. Your wife was once a pretty waiter-girl and her name is FERNANDE. Call her and ask her if I speak the truth." (He calls her.)

ANDRE. "Is your name FERNANDE? Ah, I see by the disorder of your back hair that CLOTILDE's story is too true. Wretched girl, why did you not tell me all before I married you?"

FERNANDE. "Spare me. I was a pretty waiter-girl, but I wrote you a letter and confessed my innocence."

(She faints on a worsted ottoman, while her husband raves like anOTTOMANwho has been worsted in a difficulty with an intruder into his harem.) EnterPOMMEROL.

POMMEROL. "She speaks the truth. Here is her written confession. I took it out of CLOTILDE's pocket. I will read it." (Reads it.)

FERNANDE. "You hear it? I confessed all my innocence. If you did not get it, blame the post-office authorities, but do not throw the poker at me."

ANDRE. "FERNANDE! My love! My wife! Come back, and I will forgive your innocence!" (Tableau.)Curtain.

RESPECTABLE MATRON. "Well, I will say that of all indecent plays this is the worst. It isn't half as nice as that prettyFrou-Frou. The idea of that miserable ANDRE forgiving such a hussy as his wife!"

From which virtuous and venomous opinion the undersigned begs to differ. The play is simply superb, in spite of the faults of the translation. It is shocking only to the most prurient of prudes; and in point of morality is infinitely better thanFrou-Frou. And then it is played as it ought to be. Miss MORANT is magnificent, Mr. LEWIS is immensely funny, and Messrs. CLARKE and HASKINS are equal to whatever is required of them. IfFrou-Frouran a hundred nights,Fernandeought to run five hundred. And that it may is the sincere hope of

MATADOR.

It is stated that the Oneida Indians have organized a cornet band. This new combination of Copper and brass will doubtless have a very pleasing effect.

Last week Mr. PUNCHINELLO took a run over to Saratoga. He bought DISRAELI'S new novel to read in the cars, and he very soon made up his mind that if the book correctly described the tone of society in England, it is safe to say that it is low there.

Reaching the town of merry Springs and doleful Swallows, Mr. P. went straight to the house of the good LELANDS. When he got there he was amazed--he couldn't believe that that grand palace was the old "Union." But he soon reflected that it was the fashion, now-a-days, to reconstruct old Unions of every kind, and so it wasn't so surprising to his mind after he had got through with his reflections. But he couldn't help hoping that the fellows down at Washington, who were also at work on an old Union, would turn out as good a job as the LELANDS had. As soon as he got inside, Mr. P. summoned his friend WARREN, that they might consult together about his accommodations. There were plenty of vacant rooms, but Mr. P. made up his mind that he would prefer to take one of those delightful cottages in the court-yard. One of these was so much more gorgeous than the others, that Mr. P. chose it on the spot.

"Ah!--yes--" quoth the gentle WARREN, "I should be delighted, I'm sure, but that cottage is reserved especially for the Empress EUGENIE, who, you know, is expected here daily."

"Indeed!" said Mr. P. "If she is coming so soon, I could not, of course, keep it very long. So tell me, my good friend, for what trifling sum will you let me have this cottage till the Empress comes?"

Mr. LELAND gazed earnestly at Mr. P., and asked him what he thought of the Chinese question; and whether he believed that this would be a good year for corn. Then Mr. P. struck a bargain for a back-room in the seventh story of the right-hand tower.

Early the next morning Mr. P., like a conscientious man as he is, went to drink of the waters of the place. He had a strong belief, based upon experience, that he would not fancy any of the old springs, and so he tried a new one--the "Geyser."

Mr. P. stayed a good while at the Geyser. There happened to be a young lady there who insisted upon helping him to the water with her own lily hands--the boy might dip it up, but shemusthand it to him--and she had such a way with her that he drank fifty-one glasses. When he came back to the hotel, and the good WARREN asked him what was the matter, he merely remarked:

"I'm a quiz, LELAND. If you choose, you may call me a Guy, sir."

Mr. P. got himself analysed that day by Dr. ALLEN, and he was found to consist principally of carbonate of Lime; Silicate of Potassa; Iodide of Magnesia; and Chloride of Sodium; with a strong trace of Sulphate of Strontia.

At night, however, he was able to attend the hop in the grand saloon. For a time Mr. P. danced with one girl right along. A pretty girl she was, too, and the style of her dress showed very plainly that it was EUGENIE she was hoping to see at Saratoga, and not Madame OLLIVIER. Well, she had not danced with Mr. P. more than a couple of hours when she left him for a Pole--one of these wandering Counts that you always see at such places--a regular hop-Pole, in fact. Mr. P. got very angry at this insult, and if he had had his way he would have had the fellow partitioned off--like his beloved country. He was so wrathy, indeed, that when the hop was over he started on an Arctic expedition, but he had the same luck as KANE, HALL, and the other fellows.

He never saw that Pole.

After this, Mr. P. thought he would keep away from the ladies--but it was of no use to think. There is asomethingabout Mr. PUNCHINELLO--but it matters not--suffice it to say that he went out buggy riding the next day with ANNA DICKINSON on the Lake road. The horse he drove had belonged to LEONARD JEROME--he was out of "Cash" by "Thunder," and he had sold him to the livery-man here. He was called a "two-forty," but when he began to go, Mr. P. was of the opinion that a musician would have considered his style entirely tooforte. They had not ridden more than half way to BARHYTE'S, before Mr. P. began to feel his arm bones coming out. But the "Princess of the Platform" was delighted.

"Why, you're a capital fellow, Mr. PUNCHINELLO," she cried. "There's nothing slow or fogeyish about you. You ought to be on theRevolution, now that TILTON is putting live people there."

"I shall be a tiltin' myself, and on a revolution too," said Mr. P., "if this confounded horse don't slack up."

"Why, what do you mean?" said Miss D.

"I mean we shall upset," said he.

"He's got his head too much your side," screamed Miss D. "Hadn't you better pull on the left string?"

"No, I hadn't," yelled Mr. P., as the horse commenced to run.

"ButIthink you had," cried she. "Don't you believe that women are naturally as capable of understanding and determining what laws will be as equitable, and what measures as effective to those ends, as men?"

"No, I don't!" cried Mr. P., sawing away at the horse's mouth, and beginning to make a little impression upon it.

"You should pull that left leather string!" she cried again. "Don't I know? How dare you make sex a ground of exclusion from the possession and exercise of equal rights!" and with this, she made a grab at the left rein.

It is of no use entering into further particulars of this ride. Towards evening, Mr. P. and his companion returned to Saratoga and delivered to the livery-man his equipage--that is, what was left of it.

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That evening, Mr. P. was sitting in his room, very busy over a new conundrum for his paper. He had got the answer all right, but to save his life, he could not get a question to suit it. While he was thus puzzling his brains, there came a knock at the door, and to him entered the Hon. JOHN MORRISSEY.

"Good evenin', P.," says JOHN, taking, at the same time, a seat, and one of Mr. P.'sPartagas. "I want you to do something for me."

"And what is it?" said Mr. P., with a benevolent smile.

"Why, you see," said the Hon. JOHN, "I'm very busy just now--the commencement of the season, you know--and I would like you to serve in my place for a while."

"Why, Congress will soon adjourn now!" said Mr. P.

"Oh, yes!" said MORRISSEY, "but I'm on a committee which must serve in the recess. Me and BILL KELLEY are the two chaps appointed as a committee to weigh all the pig-iron that has been imported in the last year, and to see if the gover'ment hasn't been swindled, in either the deal or the play. Now you see that ain't in my line at all, and as soon as I heard you were here, I thought you were the man to take my place."

"I'm sorry," said Mr. P., "but really, JOHN, I haven't the time. It's a sort of committee of ways and means, isn't it?"

"Well," said JOHN, "a fellow weighs, that's true; and the whole business is mean enough. But if you can't take hold of it, we'll say no more about it. Come on down with me to my place and have some supper."

"Your place!" said Mr. P. "Have you a place here?"

"Yes,sir," said the Congressman, "a bully club-house, and it's paid for too; and if you'll come along I'll give you a hearty welcome and some good cigars--and not dime ones, either," added he, throwing away the greater part Mr. P.'sPartaga.

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The personal property of Mr. PUNCHINELLO consisted principally of U. S. 5.20 coupon bonds of 1868; Chicago and Northwestern--preferred; Hannibal and St. Joseph--1st mortgage bonds; a heavy deposit of bullion, mostly gold bars; and Ashes in inspection ware-house, both pots and pearls.

When, early the next morning, he left the club-house of his friend, the Congressman, he was still the proud owner of his Ashes--both pots and pearls.

Saratoga is too expensive a place for a long sojourn, and Mr. P. left the next day.

There are several species of the Rhinoceros, some of which have one horn, like a Unicorn, others two, like a Dilemma. All the varieties are as strictly vegetarian as the late SYLVESTER GRAHAM, but their fondness for a botanic diet may be ascribed to instinct, rather than reflection, as they are not ruminating animals. The most formidable of the tribe is the Black Rhinoceros of Equatorial Africa, which is particularly dangerous when it turns to Bay. Though dull of eye and ear, this ponderous beast will follow a scent with wonderful tenacity, and the promptness with which it makes its tremendous charges has earned for it, among European hunters, the sobriquet of the "Ready Rhino." The fact that the Black Rhinoceros is armed with two horns, while most of the white species have but one, may perhaps account for the greater viciousness of the former--it being generally admitted that the most ferocious of all known monsters are those which have been furnished with a plurality of horns. This is the position taken by the famous New England naturalist, NEAL DOW, in his dissertations on that destructive Eastern pachyderm, the Striped Pig, and it seems to be fully borne out by the history of the great Scriptural Decicorn, as given by the inspired Zoologist, ST. JOHN.

We learn from Sir SAMUEL BAKER and other Nimrods of the Ramrod who have hunted up the Nile, that herds of the Black Rhinoceros are pretty thickly sprinkled throughout the whole extent of the Nilotic basin, and especially near the great watershed which forms the primary source of the mysterious river. The natives of that region universally regard the creature as a Rum customer, and not having the requisite Spirit to face it boldly, they set Gins under the Tope trees, at the places where it comes to drink, and thus effect its destruction.

As the Rhinoceros, whatever its species, seeks the densest covert, and its hide is almost impenetrable, it is a difficult animal to bag. Its peltry being of about the same consistency and thickness as the vulcanized India Rubber used in cushioning billiard tables, balls often rebound from it without producing a score. This difficulty may, however, be obviated--according to Sir SAMUEL BAKER--by firing half-pound shells from the shoulder, with a rifle of proportionate size, and if the Sporting Bulletins of that enterprising traveller are not shots with the long bow, he carried the war into Africa to some purpose, not unfrequently bagging his Baker's dozen of Rhinoceroses in the course of forty-eight hours. The African and the Asiatic species bear a general resemblance to each other, although probably, if placed side by side, points of difference would be observed between them.

It is a disputed question among Biblical commentators whether the Rhinoceros or the Hippopotamus is the Behemoth of Scripture, but as the Rhinoceros feeds on furze and the Hippopotamus does not, it would seem that the terminal syllable "moth" more properly applies to the latter. As numerous fossil remains of the animal have been found from time to time in the Rhenish provinces of Germany, it is supposed by some archaeologists that prior to the Noachian Deluge its principal habitat was the Valley of the Rhine, where it was known as the Rhine-horse. The "horse," it is alleged, was subsequently corrupted into "hoss," whereupon the lexicographers, uncertain which of the two renderings was the true one, called it in their vocabularies the "Rhine horse or hoss," and thence the present still more senseless corruption, "Rhinoceros." This is, of course, mere theory, but it is supported by the well authenticated parallel case of the Nylghau--more properly Nile Ghaut--which derived its name from the singular fact that it was never seen by any human being in the neighborhood of the Ghauts of the Nile. Although the Nile has such a fishy reputation that stories from that source are generally takencum grano salis, or profanely characterised (see Cicero) as "Nihil Tam incredible," the above statement in relation to the Nylghau will not be seriously disputed by any well informed naturalist.

The general aspect of the Rhinoceros is that of a hog in armor on a grand scale. The males of the genus are called bulls, but they are more like boars, with the tusk inverted and transferred by Rhino-plastic process to the nose. When enraged, the animal exalts its horn and trumpets like a locomotive, whereupon it is advisable to give it the right of way, as to face the music would be dangerous.

SIC SEMPER E PLURIBUS, ETC.Oh, Star-spangled Banner! once emblem of glory,And guardian of freedom and justice and law,How bright in the annals of war was thy story!Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!Time was when the nations beheld thee and trembled,Though now they assure us they don't care a strawFor wrath which they say is but poorly dissembled;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!Theyknowour best ships are dismantled or rotten,Weknow that they'll soon be abolished by law,And FARRAGUT'S triumphs are nearly forgotten;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!The soldiers whose best days were spent in our service--Whose manhood we claimed as our right by the law,As paupers must die, since their cost would unnerve us;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!We look for respect in the eyes of the nations,And man our defences with soldiers of straw,To save for vile uses their pay and their rations;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!With armies reduced, and the ghost of a navy,Of course we must trust to our ancientéclat;Economy now is the cry, we must save aFew millions for thieves to steal--unum go bragh!"Sun" DANA may bluster as much as he pleases--Our friend, Mr. FISH, is sustained by the law,And old Mr. BENNETT just bellows to tease us;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!There's LOGAN, who once had the heart of a hero--Alas! that same heart is now only a craw,And its vigor has sunk away down below Zero;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!His action has sadden'd the hearts of more freemenThan fought under GRANT in defence of the law;Well--well--never mind--we can boast of our women;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!The people may some day awake to the notionThat statesmen can tamper too much with the law,And send them to regions less genial than Goshen;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

Oh, Star-spangled Banner! once emblem of glory,And guardian of freedom and justice and law,How bright in the annals of war was thy story!Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

Time was when the nations beheld thee and trembled,Though now they assure us they don't care a strawFor wrath which they say is but poorly dissembled;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

Theyknowour best ships are dismantled or rotten,Weknow that they'll soon be abolished by law,And FARRAGUT'S triumphs are nearly forgotten;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

The soldiers whose best days were spent in our service--Whose manhood we claimed as our right by the law,As paupers must die, since their cost would unnerve us;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

We look for respect in the eyes of the nations,And man our defences with soldiers of straw,To save for vile uses their pay and their rations;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

With armies reduced, and the ghost of a navy,Of course we must trust to our ancientéclat;Economy now is the cry, we must save aFew millions for thieves to steal--unum go bragh!

"Sun" DANA may bluster as much as he pleases--Our friend, Mr. FISH, is sustained by the law,And old Mr. BENNETT just bellows to tease us;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

There's LOGAN, who once had the heart of a hero--Alas! that same heart is now only a craw,And its vigor has sunk away down below Zero;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

His action has sadden'd the hearts of more freemenThan fought under GRANT in defence of the law;Well--well--never mind--we can boast of our women;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

The people may some day awake to the notionThat statesmen can tamper too much with the law,And send them to regions less genial than Goshen;Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh!

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Some cats are black, some brown, some white, some "arf and arf."

Some cats are gentle, and require a good deal of pinching and "worriting" to bring them to the scratch, like some persons, who require to get their dander up before they'll show fight.

Other cats, however, are very vicious. These, from their spitting proclivities, might be called Spitfires. I dare say this regards black cats most, whose backs, when rubbed in the dark, are seen to emitsparks.

A cat that is good at the spitting business, and well up in the trade, can do a smart thing or two in the defensive line--as when confronted by a dog, for instance. If the feline can only keep up a vigorous and well directed spitting, the canine is almost sure to retreat, with his tail between his legs, (if it is not too short to get there.)

Cats are generally considered rat and mouse destroyers. I dare say they are, though the two I once kept (I drowned them in the cistern) were more notorious as crockery destroyers than anything else. I thought, on the whole, that they exterminated more raw beef than rats and mice, so I consigned them to a watery grave.

It was a good thing for WHITTINGTON that there are such things as mice, and cats (if they are not too fat) to destroy them. His cat was truly worth its weight in gold to him. Such a cat should have been embalmed for the benefit of posterity. It must have been a noble sight to see the feline banquetting on the dainty joints of themusin the Fejee palace, and WHITTINGTON getting a bag of gold for each victim his follower devoured. Honor to WHITTINGTON and his Cat!

Cats are very fond of birds--when they can get 'em, "otherwise not." To see a cat watching a bird, you would think there was some magnetic attraction in the love line between them. There may be,before hand. But let the cat once touch its sought-for, and I assure you there is no love lost. By some accident or other, the little birdie goes down Grimalkin's throat.

A cat has nine lives, we are told; something like old METHUSELAH, who, they declare, got so tired of living that he had to die to get some relief. I know some ladies who would like to borrow a life or two from the cat, especially those on the wrong side of the line, as regards thirty. Owing to the nine lives, a cat may be jerked about pretty promiscuously from third story windows,et cetera. They have a knack of falling on their feet, which a good many BLONDINS would like to have--especially when a rope breaks, and when they "a kind of" forget that "Pride must have a fall."

Such are a few remarks on Cats of every description. As this ain't a Prize Essay, I don't give the different species, which are as numerous as the hairs of my head, and these are now pretty numerous, as I am not particular about cutting them.

BILL BISCAY.

A Correspondent of one of the daily papers, writing from Athens, on the subject of the brigandage outrages lately perpetrated in Greece, says that "the Kingdom is scoured by soldiers."

That's right. It has long been a very dirty little Kingdom, and a good scouring by soldiers is the only thing to obliterate the numerous Greece spots with which it has been tarnished.

The attention of the New York daily newspapers is called to the fact that the mosquitoes down in Maine this season are uncommonly large and extremely numerous. Now, it is well known that fleas can be trained to do (upon a small scale) many things usually done by human beings; and why may not the very largest of the mosquitoes be educated to manage the daily newspapers? How beautifully would they buzz! how venomously would they bite! how remorselessly would POTT, (ofThe Independent,) let loose his insect champions upon SLURK, ofThe Gazette!

P. S. Mr. PUNCHINELLO begs leave to observe that no allusion is here intended to Mr. TILTON'SIndependent, which is extremely well supplied with mosquitoes already.

One of the most heart-rending elopements on record is that of MORDECAI SKAGGS, an Indianian by birth, but a Chicagoan by adoption, who left a legitimate spouse at Owen, Spencer County, Indiana, and fled with a beautiful "affinity" toward the "Lake City." The deserted wife, like a pursuing Nemesis, "went for him." She tracked him from stage to stage of his journey, and finally overtook the fugitive, but not before he had "consummated marriage a second time."

When found, she did not pause "to make a note" of MORDECAI, but seized him by the beard, very much as OTHELLO did the "uncircumcised Jew;" yet, not caring to slay him outright, she exploded a pitcher of ice-water upon his heated brow, and while still clasping his dishevelled locks pelted the supposed guilty partner of his flight with the fragments of the broken vessel. But the chief shock of this disaster, to the unfortunate SKAGGS, occurred in the interval of a brief cessation of hostilities, when the enraged wife demanded to know of the other woman why she had thus outraged the sanctity of her domestic altars, and the "other woman" explained that the too seductive SKAGGS had represented himself as a single man. Thereupon the two joined forces, and set upon MORDECAI; pulling his hair out by the roots; scarifying his manly phiz with their delicate claws; and so marring and disfiguring this "double-breasted" deceiver that not even the penetration of the maternal eye could discover in that battered carcass the once familiar lineaments of a beloved son.

The thought suggested to PUNCHINELLO by this catastrophe is whether we may not safely leave the iniquity of Western divorce law to work out its own salvation, when it provokes the use of such weapons, and makes it possible for the penalty to follow so closely upon the heels of crime.

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