LETTER FROM A CABINET OFFICER TO MR. FLAM—DIRECTIONS TO THE DEMOCRACY—THE CABINET OFFICER'S MODE OF PRODUCING AN IMPRESSION—THE PRESIDENT'S DETERMINATION IN REGARD TO THE INDEPENDENT TREASURY—WARNING TO DESERTERS—CANDIDATES FOR MR. FLAM'S PLACE IN THE BANK—HARDBOTTLE ELECTED—THEODORE FOG'S OUTBREAK—HE COOLS DOWN AND STANDS UPON PRINCIPLE—HARDBOTTLE UNPOPULAR.
The fact was as Theodore Fog had stated it. Mr. Flam had received a letter from a member of the Cabinet, apprising him that it was deemed absolutely necessary to the preservation of the New-Light Democratic Party to become extremely pointed in their assault against the State Banks, and that the misdeeds of those institutions should be exaggerated as much as possible, and then charged upon the Whigs.
"This attack," said the letter, "must be made with more than usual clamor, and followed up with unremitting industry, that, by force of the first word and incessant repetition, we may get the people to believe that we have had nothing to do with the creation of these corporations; but have, in fact, been inveterately hostile to them from the first, and that our opponents have been their sole patrons and friends. Our recent outcry on this subject has succeeded so well with the people, that we are determined now to make the denunciation of the banks our chief topic, by way of preparation for the Independent Treasury which we are resolved the people shall swallow. We cannot too strongly impress upon our friends the propriety of charging upon the Whigs that we have repeatedly warned them against increasing the number of banks in the States. By this device we shall put upon their shoulders all those mischiefs ofover-bankingandover-trading, whichtheyused to talk about. We must impute to them all the evils of the paper system—except the Treasury notes, which it would be well for us to praise, as an admirable Democratic scheme to give the country aMETALLICcurrency. It has also been deemed important," continued the writer, "that we should prove that the government has lost more money by the State banks than by any other agents it has ever employed. This idea was hinted to the Secretary of the Treasury, who has, in consequence, very recently been at work upon the subject, and has produced a report altogether conclusive against the banks. He will continue these labors with a view to the instruction of Congress and all our other inquiring friends; being, in no respect, daunted by that unlucky report made by him in 1834, which, singularly enough, proves the opposite side of the case; for, as he remarks, the specific gravity of his State papers is so great as to sink them too deep for the perception of the present generation,—and that consequently his report of 1834 must be pretty well forgotten by this time, which, indeed, I think quite likely;—it was so long-winded, dozy, and prosy, (a note in the margin marked this as 'confidential,') that I should not wonder if more than ten men in Congress ever read it, and of those, perhaps not a single oneretains any distinct impression of its meaning." The letter exhorted Mr. Flam to make these views known to the drill sergeants and corporals of the party in Quodlibet, and to stimulate them to active exertions in the part assigned to them. "Pound it into public mind," said the writer, "that the Whigs are the authors of the present evils; continual pounding will inevitably, at last, do the business. Many a time have I riveted, by diligent hammering, a politic and necessary fabrication upon the credulity of the people—so fast that no art of my adversary could tear it away to make room for the truth: therefore, I say to you and our Democratic friends—hammer without ceasing."
A letter also from the Secretary, at the same time, informed Mr. Flam, that as the people had so contumaciously rejected the Independent Treasury bill, by their representatives in Congress, the President was now determined to carry it at all hazards; and consequently it was expected that no New-Light Democrat would be so false to the glorious principles of the Quodlibetarian theory as to interpose any opinion of his own between the will of the President and the appropriate duty of the people. "If such should be the case," said the Secretary, "Mr. Van Buren can have no alternative—the individual so recreant to the eternal principles of the New-Light Democracy must be denounced by the Globe as an enemy to freedom, and, what is worse, a traitor to his party."
Mr. Flam reflected upon these communications with grave attention; and having shown them to some of his intimate friends, among whom I count it my highest honor to be ranked, he announced his purpose to resign his post in the bank. For this step he had two good reasons: the first was the necessity of disencumbering himself of a connection which might have impeded his usefulness—to use his own words—in his public relations; the second reason was, that he had borrowed so large an amount from the bank, as to circumscribe its bounty greatly to the prejudice of sundry of the directors who were, in consequence, beginning to complain of his management of the institution, and were even threatening to run an opposition against him in the election which was but a few months off. It was whispered also that Nicodemus Handy had given him a mysterious but friendly hint to resign, without explaining his reasons. Upon these considerations his mind was made up; and accordingly the resignation was laid before the Board at the time indicated by Theodore Fog.
This event produced great sensation in Quodlibet; not less from the curiosity to know why our distinguished representative should relinquish so lucrative a post, than from the interest felt in the measure of selecting his successor. Fifteen of our most strenuous New-Light Democrats were candidates; and notwithstanding the speech made at the blacksmith's shop, Theodore Fog was the first who wrote a letter to the Board to apprise them that, in consequence of the eager importunity of his Democratic friends to confide the bank to his management, he found himself compelled to forego his objections to having any concern with the banking system, and therefore would not feel himself at liberty to decline the Presidency in case it should be offered to him. He said he wished it to be distinctlyunderstood, that emolument was not his object: but that he was actuated solely by his attachment to that New-Light Democratic principle which taught him on all occasions to seek preferment, as the means of widening the sphere of his usefulness, and to increase his worldly fortune only for the sake of the good it enabled him to dispense to the people. On no other terms was he willing to accept the government of the bank.
Some two or three days were spent in canvassing this matter; when the choice ultimately, upon the twenty-fifth balloting, fell upon Anthony Hardbottle, who had not been previously thought of for the place, and was only brought forward when all attempts to elect others had failed. The fifteen original candidates became greatly incensed at this choice. Theodore Fog was furious: he said Hardbottle could scarcely be called a Democrat:—if anything, he was half Whig—nay, he believed, whole Whig:—and to elect a Whig to a great responsible post like that—a post connected with the national fisc, allied to the money power, so intimately related to the important concerns of the currency!—it was not to be tolerated. The Genius of New-Light Democracy should array herself in steel, indue herself in panoply, buckle on her armor, shake her lance against it, or, in other words, he deemed it incompatible with free institutions to allow a Whig, or, at least, a man who never attended political meetings, and who held the Whigs in respect—to preside over such a Democratic institution as the Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet. Theodore continued raving in this strain until he drank nine juleps, interspersed with numberlessother potations, and became so incapable of motion as to render it necessary for Mrs. Ferret to have him carried to bed. As he cooled, so cooled his competitors. Indeed, in the course of a few days, Theodore Fog, in commenting upon the pretensions of the several defeated candidates, found so many objections to them individually and collectively, as to bring himself into an excellent temper upon the subject, whereby he was able to make merry with the whole election; and thus, by degrees, he fell back into the state of mind which he had manifested at the smith's shop, and declared that no consideration could possibly induce him, professing the principles he did, to accept any post connected with a bank. He expressed himself in sharp and censorious terms against what, he said, he had constantly observed: namely, that he never knew a post in a bank to be vacant, from the President down to the porter, including Directors and all, in regard to which he didn't find half a dozen Loco Focos, to say nothing of New-Light Democrats, applicants to fill the vacancy: he thought it inconsistent with principle, now that orders had come for the Democracy to abuse the banks, to seek or accept such places; and he did not care who knew his sentiments upon the subject.
Mr. Hardbottle was a strict man of business, and did not, it is true, greatly interest himself in politics. Yet, nevertheless, he was a decided supporter of the New-Light cause, and was always esteemed a useful member of the Borough. One thing that made against him in the Board was, that he had never been a very active customer to the bank, except so far only as keeping his commercial account there. He was often urged toaccept accommodations with a view to the improvement of the Borough, but almost invariably refused, from an aversion to indulging in these useful speculations. His brother Directors, in consequence, rather regarded him as a man who was deficient in public spirit; and they imagined that he might be inclined to depreciate the value of the services they had rendered the bank by the liberal employment they had given to its funds. Mr. Hardbottle, therefore, might be said to have entered into the government of the bank under inauspicious circumstances, and was likely not to be a very popular President. He was, however, determined upon one thing, and that was to make a thorough examination of the bank for the purpose of bringing about a resumption of specie payments at the earliest possible moment; for some complaints had gone abroad against the Bank of Quodlibet for not resuming when the other banks of the country affected to be anxious for that measure.
In consequence of this determination of the new President, the bank was kept in perpetual bustle for the whole fortnight succeeding the election. What then occurred will be told in the next chapter.
UNHAPPY EVENT IN THE LIFE OF NICODEMUS HANDY—CONSTERNATION OF QUODLIBET—DISASTERS AMONG THE DIRECTORS—EXPLOSION OF THE BANK—CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEODORE FOG AND MR. GRANT—FOG'S VIEWS OF THE QUESTION OF DISTRESS—COMPLIMENT TO JESSE FERRET.
I know not which way to turn. Auribus teneo lupum. I can scarcely compose myself to write. Such an event! Many things have happened in this world to excite wonder, many grief, many indignation, many wailing, lamentation, and moans; but we have had an incident in the Borough which overmasters all these emotions by the height and the depth, the length and the breadth, the stupendous magnitude of the amazement which it has spread through all minds.
The investigation of the affairs of the bank, under the direction of Mr. Hardbottle, lasted more than a fortnight. They were not yet brought to a close, when—— Let the following paragraph from an extra Whole Hog, issued on the spur of the moment, tell the rest. I have no nerve for such a disclosure.
"ASTOUNDING WHIG DEFALCATION."Our Borough has just been thrown into a state of stupefaction by an event which completely eclipses every other act of crime and villainy with which the annals of Whiggery abound. Nicodemus Handy, theWhig Cashier of that extortionate, swindling Whig rag-factory, the Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet, left this Borough yesterday morning in the People's Line, which runs through Thorough Blue. As this journey was undertaken with the pretense of business, it attracted no attention until this morning, when the indefatigable Democratic President of that institution, Mr. Anthony Hardbottle, who was recently elected for the purpose of a thorough investigation into its concerns, (suspicions having been long indulged of its rottenness; and, in fact, our worthy representative, the Hon. Middleton Flam, an unterrified and incorruptible New Light, having retired from the head of the institution on account of the disgusting irregularities which fell within his view,) laid a statement before the Board which showed that the Cashier had secreted upwards of $160,000, the greater part of which funds there is reason to believe he has made away with in the course of the last three months. Measures were taken to pursue the offender, and as far as possible to secure the bank by attachments upon his property, which is supposed to be considerable. For the present, we forbear all comment, except so far as to remark, that we look upon this atrocious fraud but as the natural fruit of that system of Whig measures which has cumbered the land with mushroom banks, filthy rags, and swarms of scrub aristocrats in the shape of presidents, cashiers, directors, and clerks. We may speedily expect to hear of many more Whigs following the example of our absquatulating Cashier."
"Our Borough has just been thrown into a state of stupefaction by an event which completely eclipses every other act of crime and villainy with which the annals of Whiggery abound. Nicodemus Handy, theWhig Cashier of that extortionate, swindling Whig rag-factory, the Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet, left this Borough yesterday morning in the People's Line, which runs through Thorough Blue. As this journey was undertaken with the pretense of business, it attracted no attention until this morning, when the indefatigable Democratic President of that institution, Mr. Anthony Hardbottle, who was recently elected for the purpose of a thorough investigation into its concerns, (suspicions having been long indulged of its rottenness; and, in fact, our worthy representative, the Hon. Middleton Flam, an unterrified and incorruptible New Light, having retired from the head of the institution on account of the disgusting irregularities which fell within his view,) laid a statement before the Board which showed that the Cashier had secreted upwards of $160,000, the greater part of which funds there is reason to believe he has made away with in the course of the last three months. Measures were taken to pursue the offender, and as far as possible to secure the bank by attachments upon his property, which is supposed to be considerable. For the present, we forbear all comment, except so far as to remark, that we look upon this atrocious fraud but as the natural fruit of that system of Whig measures which has cumbered the land with mushroom banks, filthy rags, and swarms of scrub aristocrats in the shape of presidents, cashiers, directors, and clerks. We may speedily expect to hear of many more Whigs following the example of our absquatulating Cashier."
The sensation produced in the Borough by this intelligence is not to be described. The flight of Mr.Handy was the only topic of conversation for a week. An officer followed him to Thorough Blue, whence, it was rumored, the fugitive had shaped his course for Texas: other reports assigned Canada as his place of refuge—all was uncertainty. Legal measures were taken to secure his property. This consisted of his elegant mansion on Copperplate Ridge, sundry rows of warehouses, and other buildings in Quodlibet, a large number of which had been left for two years past in an unfinished state. Upon investigation it was ascertained that the whole of this estate had been converted into money; our worthy representative, the Hon. Middleton Flam, having an absolute conveyance for Handy House, its furniture, and appurtenances, and certain political friends, connected with the custom-house in New York, rank Whigs, having mortgages on all the rest of the property. The consequence was, the bank was able to secure nothing.
One of our first proceedings, after the flight of the Cashier, was to call together the New-Light Club, where resolutions were passed denouncing his fraud as the necessary consequence of his Whig principles, censuring the bank, in the strongest terms, as a swindling Whig concern, and avowing an unalterable devotion to the Independent Treasury, as the only sound, genuine, New-Light Democratic experiment which it was proper for the government to make, in the present condition of affairs—unless the President should change his mind and find out something still more Democratic; in which event the New-Light Club pledged itself to give that other measure their cordial and patriotic support.
In the course of a fortnight, the inhabitants of theBorough were surprised to read from a New York paper, in the list of passengers who sailed for Liverpool by the packet of the first of October, among the names of sundry fashionables, those also of Mrs. and Miss Handy; and we were, not long afterward, relieved from all doubt as to the Cashier's destination, by seeing it publicly announced that he had gone to Havre, from which point, as soon as he could be joined by his interesting and distressed family, he designed making the tour of Europe.
From the period of the elopement of Mr. Handy, we had a series of convulsions. The first incident of importance that followed it, was the failure of the whole Board of Directors; each of whom, according to his own showing, had lost so much money by the absconding Cashier as to be totally unable to pay up his liabilities to the bank. The next disaster was the explosion of the bank itself. The abduction of so large an amount of its funds, as well as its unfortunate list of bad debts from the Directors, rendered this inevitable. Then came riots among the holders of its paper, who besieged the door for several days, and even threatened to pull down the building. Never was a community in a more unhappy commotion than ours at this eventful epoch.
Mr. Grant visited the Borough frequently during the prevalence of these disorders. One day he met Theodore Fog, who seemed to be rather pleasurably excited by the events which occupied and engrossed the public attention—for Theodore, as he was in the habit of remarking, had nothing to lose by these domestic convulsions, and everything to gain. The election was at hand, and he was again the True-Grit candidate; buton this occasion there was no opposition from his own party, and the chance of electing a Whig was deemed hopeless. That side made no nomination; and Fog, therefore, with his two colleagues of the last year, was in a fair way to walk over the course without a contest. The interests of the election, consequently, were altogether absorbed in the other incidents of the day. Still, Theodore was not inattentive to the voters, and was, as usual, loquacious and voluble.
"A pretty considerable upheaving of the elements of social life, Mr. Grant," said he, upon encountering the old gentleman on Ferret's steps at the front door of The Hero.
"I think so," replied Mr. Grant; "you have brought your pigs at last to a fine market."
"Ourpigs!" exclaimed Fog, with an excellent representation of surprise:—"well, that beats M'Gonegal, and he beat the devil. The whole litter comes from a Whig mother: it is the spawn of that aristocracy, against which the intelligence, the honor, and the virtue of the nation have been waging war ever since the Reign of Terror;—but, sir, it is down; the intelligence and firmness of the people have triumphed at last."
"You allude, I suppose, to your Democratic bank here," said Mr. Grant.
"No doubt," replied Fog, "the Whigs will attempt to shuffle the bank offtheirshoulders and buckle it on the Democrats. But that won't do, sir; that's too stale a trick to deceive the people. The Whigs, sir, are men of property; the Democrats are poor, sir.Banks are not made by poor men, Mr. Grant; there's the logic of the case."
"And this Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet was not set on foot by Nicodemus Handy and Theodore Fog?" returned Mr. Grant.
"By Nicodemus Handy," replied Fog, "not by me. Sir, Nicodemus was always a Whig; and, what's more, attempted to beguile me into his scheme. He took advantage of my unsuspecting temper—endeavored to lull into security my artless, confiding nature; essayed, sir, but in vain, to seduce me from my allegiance to the Democratic faith, by tempting offers of the presidency of the bank—but, sir, my virtue was too stern for his treacherous arts. I saw the gilded bait and spurned it. It was—I say it myself—a rare example of successful resistance to the fascinations of the tempter. Many a Democrat has fallen into the snare of the Whigs under less allurement. I pride myself on this evidence of self-command. I have reason to be proud of it."
"You have a short memory," said Mr. Grant.
"Why as to that, old friend," replied Fog with a good-natured laugh, at the same time laying his hand on Mr. Grant's shoulder, "you can't callthata fault. Every politician has a short memory—he'd be no politician without it. Mine's no shorter than the rest. Sir, let me tell you, the great secret of the success of the immutable, New-Light, Quodlibetarian Democracy, is in the shortness of the memory. Still, I would like to know what you mean by the remark."
"I mean to say," replied Mr. Grant, "that when you and Nicodemus Handy were endeavoring to persuade me to take an interest in your bank, you didn't think it so undemocratic as you seem to do to-day."
"It is impossible for me to remember what I said on the occasion to which you allude, sir," returned Fog; "but my principles have always been the same. I could not have gone against them, sir; morally impossible."
"And I told you that your bank was a humbug," continued Mr. Grant.
"Ay, ay," rejoined Fog; "that's the old song. You Whigs are monstrous good at prophesying after the result is known."
"You admit, I suppose," said Mr. Grant, "that this Bank of Quodlibet has exploded?"
"Burst, sir, into a thousand tatters," replied Fog.
"You admit that there is a large amount of paper money afloat?"
"A genuine Whig crop," answered Fog: "enough to make a stack as large as the largest in your barnyard."
"You admit the derangement of values all over the country?"
"Yes, and of the people too, if you make it a point."
"The failures of traders and of banks?"
"Yes."
"This is reasonable, Mr. Fog. Now, you shall judge whether the Whigs prophesybeforeorafterthe result," said Mr. Grant, as he thrust his hand into his skirt pocket and drew forth a pamphlet. "I expected to meet you to-day, and I have brought you a documentfor your especial perusal. It is the speech of a Whig member of Congress, made in 1834, upon the Removal of the Deposits;—you will find the leaf turned down at page 32; and, as you are a good reader, I wish you would favor this company by reading it aloud, where you see it scored in the margin."
"Not I," replied Theodore; "that's four years ago. The statute of limitation bars that."
"He's afeard to read it," said Abel Brawn to some five or six persons, who had collected around the steps during this conversation. "Mr. Grant's mighty particular with his documents, and ain't to be shook off in an argument."
"The., you ain't afeard, old fellow?" said Flan Sucker. "Walk into him, The. Read it."
"Give me the book," said Fog, "and let's see what it is. Speech by Horace Binney—eh? Who's he? I think I have heard the name. Well, for the sake of obliging a friend, I'll read.—Conticuere omnes—which means listen." Fog then read as follows:—
"It is here that we find a pregnant source of the present agony—it is in the clearly avowed design to bring a second time upon this land the curse of an unregulated, uncontrolled State-Bank paper currency. We are again to see the drama which already, in the course of the present century, has passed before us, and closed in ruin. If the project shall be successful——"
"What project?" inquired Fog.
"The destruction of the Bank of the United States, and the refusal to create another in its place," answered Mr. Grant.
Theodore read on—
"If the project shall be successful, we are again to see these paper missiles shooting in every direction through the country—a derangement of all values,—a depreciated circulation—a suspension of specie payments;—then a further extension of the same detestable paper—a still greater depreciation—with failures of traders and failures of banks in its train—to arrive at last at the same point from which we departed in 1817."
"If the project shall be successful, we are again to see these paper missiles shooting in every direction through the country—a derangement of all values,—a depreciated circulation—a suspension of specie payments;—then a further extension of the same detestable paper—a still greater depreciation—with failures of traders and failures of banks in its train—to arrive at last at the same point from which we departed in 1817."
"A rank forgery," said Theodore Fog, "printed for the occasion."
"That won't do," replied Mr. Grant; "I have been the owner of this pamphlet ever since 1834 myself."
"Then Binney is a Dimmycrat," said Sim Travers, "and you are trying to pass him off on us for a Whig. Sound Dimmycratic doctrine and true prophecy."
"Huzza for Binney!" shouted Flan Sucker, "a tip-top Dimmycrat, whoever he is!—I never heard of him before."
"Yes," said Mr. Grant, "one ounce of his Democracy is worth a ton weight of the best you will find in the Globe. But read on, a little further below, where you see it scored."
"I have an innate and mortal aversion to reading," returned Fog.
"It must be gone through," said Flan Sucker,—"because them sentiments is the rale Dimmocracy, and we want to hear them. So, go it, The!—Yip—listen boys, to the doctrine."
"Well," said Fog, "if you will have it—as the pillory said to the thief, 'lend me your ears.'"
"I thank the Secretary," he began with a discreet voice, reading where Mr. Grant appointed for him, "for the disclosure of this plan. I trust in God it will be defeated: that the Bank of the United States, while it is in existence, may be sustained and strengthened by the public opinion, and interests of the people, to defeat it: that the sound and sober State banks of the Union may resist it—for it is their cause: that the poor men and laborers in the land may resist it—for it is a scheme to get from every one of them a dollar's worth of labor for fifty cents, and to make fraud the currency of the country as much as paper. Sir, the Bank of the United States, in any other relation than to the currency and property of the country, is as little to me as to any man under heaven; but after the prime and vigor of life are passed, and the power of accumulation is gone, to see the children stripped, by the monstrous imposture of a paper currency, of all that the father's industry had provided for them—this, sir, may well excuse the warmth that denounces this plan, as the precursor of universal dismay and ruin."
"I thank the Secretary," he began with a discreet voice, reading where Mr. Grant appointed for him, "for the disclosure of this plan. I trust in God it will be defeated: that the Bank of the United States, while it is in existence, may be sustained and strengthened by the public opinion, and interests of the people, to defeat it: that the sound and sober State banks of the Union may resist it—for it is their cause: that the poor men and laborers in the land may resist it—for it is a scheme to get from every one of them a dollar's worth of labor for fifty cents, and to make fraud the currency of the country as much as paper. Sir, the Bank of the United States, in any other relation than to the currency and property of the country, is as little to me as to any man under heaven; but after the prime and vigor of life are passed, and the power of accumulation is gone, to see the children stripped, by the monstrous imposture of a paper currency, of all that the father's industry had provided for them—this, sir, may well excuse the warmth that denounces this plan, as the precursor of universal dismay and ruin."
"I'll read no more," said Fog, giving back the book, with a theatrical flourish of his arm, to Mr. Grant; "it is nothing more than stealing our principles from us, and then bringing them up to break our heads."
"It is good Whig prophecy, four years before its fulfillment," said Mr. Grant, "and which has come trueto the letter. It shows you that we set our faces against your increase of banks in the very beginning; gave you warning of what was to come; painted the very evils of this day so plainly before your eyes that nothing but willful blindness prevented you from seeing them; and now, when it has all fallen out as it was foretold, you attempt to make us responsible to the people for your measures."
"Sir," said Fog, rather evading the argument, as it is an admirable part of the New-Light system to do when it pinches, "the New-Light Democracy changes its measures, but never its principles. We go, sir, for the will of the people—that's the principle which lies at the bottom of all our actions. If the people are for new measures, we frankly come out with them. Now, sir, the people areagainstthe banks—they areforthe Independent Treasury: of course, then, you know where to findus. You can't get round us—there we are."
"I'll not dispute that point with you," replied Mr. Grant; "you have been changing from bad to worse ever since you have had the control of affairs. I only wanted to remind you that the present distress of the country is the work of your own hands, and that you have brought it about with your eyes open."
Saying these words Mr. Grant walked off toward the stable, where he mounted his horse and rode out of the Borough.
As soon as the old gentleman was gone, Theodore Fog remarked that he had not had as dry a talk for some years, and proposed to the company a general visit to the bar.
"They talk ofdistress," said he. "Mr. Grant has gone off with his head full of that notion of distress; it's a famous Whig argument, that. But what distress is there? Drinking's as cheap; eating's as cheap as ever; so is lying. Eating, drinking, and lying, are the three principal occupations of man. Lyingdown, I mean, metaphorically for sleeping. Where's the distress, then? Mere panic—false alarm—a Whig invention! The country is better off than it ever was before. Not for men who trade upon credit, I allow—not for merchants and shippers in general—not for your fellows that go about for jobs—not for farmers—not for regular laborers—not for mechanics, with families on their hands, and perhaps not for single ones neither;—but first-rate for lawyers, bar-keepers, and brokers, for marshals and sheriffs—capital for constables—nonpareil for postmasters, contractors, express-riders, and office-holders; and glorious for fellows that are fond of talking and have nothing to do:—these are the very gristle of the New-Light Democracy, and make a genteel majority at the elections."
"Mr. Fog," said Jesse Ferret, "I am so well pleased at your reading for Mr. Grant this morning, that I'm determined to give you a treat;—help yourself and your friends. Gentlemen, walk up."
"Glad you liked it, old buck," replied Fog. "Bless your heart, I'm used to such things. A political man must always be ready for rubbers; never would get a gloss if it wasn't for brushing. That Binney's a smart fellow; but every word of that speech was whispered into his ear by Benton; I know the fact personally. He and Benton sit up every night of their livestogether in Washington, playing old sledge and drinking cocktail: that accounts for Binney's Democracy. Gentlemen, our friend Ferret's treat—we'll drink his health—a worthy, persuadable, amenable man—so here's to him. Wait for the word—Jesse Ferret, a gentleman and a scholar, an antiquarian and a tavern-keeper—long life to him!"
A RAPID REVIEW OF ONE YEAR—WHAT THE AUTHOR IS COMPELLED TO PRETERMIT—THE PRESIDENT'S "SOBER SECONDTHOUGHT" MESSAGE RECEIVED AT QUODLIBET WITH GREAT REJOICING—THE AUTHOR COMMUNES WITH HIS READER TOUCHING NEW-LIGHT PRINCIPLES—ILLUSTRATIONS OF THEM—REMARKABLE DEXTERITY OF THE SECRETARY—INTERESTING LETTER FROM THE HON. MIDDLETON FLAM—DAWNING OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CANVASS—THE NORTHERN MAN WITH SOUTHERN PRINCIPLES AND HIS MANNIKIN.
Time held his course. Another year went by, and brought us to the sixth since the Removal. The year which I pass over was marked by many public and domestic incidents worthy of note in the history of Quodlibet. Gladly would I have tarried to entertain my reader with some of these; but I am admonished of the necessity of bringing these desultory annals to a close. Especially might I find much to interest many of those who will peruse these pages, in the private and personal affairs of the Borough; some of the events of the bygone year being of a nature to kindle up pathetic emotions in their bosoms. The blank despair of Agamemnon Flag when he first heard of the flight of Nicodemus Handy; his melancholy visits of consolation to the bereaved family; the disinterested avowal of his long-smothered and smouldering love to the heiress apparent; and his offer of his hand and fortune—consisting of a new suit of clothes, and ahorse and gig, purchased on credit—to this dejected lady; his still blanker despair, his disappointment and vows of revenge when, after listening to his suit, he found it announced that she had sailed without him, to make the grand tour of Europe; and finally, the stoical philosophy with which he renounced all claim to the reversionary interest in the one hundred and sixty thousand dollars taken from the bank, as well as the net proceeds of Handy Place, and the rows of buildings, finished and unfinished, in Quodlibet—these incidents would furnish an episode of tenderness and passion without a parallel since the Medea of Euripides.
But these excursions are foreign from the purpose of this book, and I am sure would be disallowed by the respectable committee at whose instance I have entered upon this task. Indeed, they have explicitly enjoined that I divulge nothing under their sanction, touching the concerns of Quodlibet which in any manner borders upon the romantic. Upon these subjects their caution is, Nulli tacuisse nocet, tutum silentii præmium. I must, therefore, reluctantly pretermit all such matter—reserving for some other occasion the gratification of the public curiosity therein.
In looking back upon the public events of this interval, I deem it necessary, in passing, merely to notice the fact that the New Lights were greatly rejoiced to find in Mr. Van Buren's message to Congress a complete justification of the Secretary's promise to Mr. Flam, the import of which was to assure our representative that the President had made up his mind, after the rejection of that measure, to carry the Independent Treasury in spite of the people. Our uncompromising,fearless, andunshakableQuods, true to the dictates of their creed, were, I repeat, greatly rejoiced at the manly perseverance and unquenchable self-will with which the President delivered over that question to the "Sober Secondthoughts" (a pest upon the unlucky coincidence of that phrase with my patronymic!—it hath given license to the tongues of the wags, to my annoyance) of the people. Every good New-Light Democrat in the land understood the hint—and a presidential hint is no small matter to a Democrat now-a-days. Truly delightful was it to see how it acted upon the New Lights. Not a man among them who had hitherto halted on a scruple of conscience, but became thereupon, in the twinkling of an eye, a devoted champion of the Independent Treasury; and that, too, without knowing, or caring to know, what it was. It was hoisted in capitals, at the head of Eliphalet Fox's Weekly, and became forthwith, as it were, a word written on our banner. We were, one and all, converted into milites subsignani, and became the Maccabees of this new kind of Independent Treasury.
It has doubtless often occurred to the reader of this irregular history to inquire how it comes to pass that the historian has ventured to relate with such composure, nay, with such complacency, what superficial thinkers, at least, might deem to be thechangesin the political principles of the New Lights. Superficial is a good word, and truly explains the case. Ourprinciples, as every one who is gifted with sufficient astuteness could not fail to have observed throughout this narrative—and as, in fact, we have more thanonce insinuated—are much deeper than themeasureswe, from time to time, find it convenient to adopt. We hold a change of measures, a change of opinions, a change of doctrine, and even a change of established facts, as nothing. But a change of men we totally abhor; a change of office, unless in the way of promotion, we utterly discountenance; and a change from a majority to a minority we execrate as wholly abominable, detestable, and in nowise to be endured. Now, in our creed, men, officers, and majorities make up the complex idea of what we denominateprinciple. The whole scope of the New-Light philosophy is, by the vigor of this thingprinciple, as I have defined it, to keep the Whigs down and our modern school of New-Light Democrats up. We proudly appeal to our past history to sustain our consistency in this pursuit. Let any dispassionate observer trace our meanderings through the last ten years: he will see the efficacy of our system manifested in the wonderful, the almost miraculous conversion of Old Blue-Light Federalists, and Federalists of every hue, into the Born Veterans of Democracy, and in investing these worthy relics of ancient patriotism with the most profitable offices in the gift of the government. He will see it in the merciless war—bellum ad internecionem—waged by our forces in the name of the people, against credit, commerce, and industry: he will remark how abundantly, and, as it were, by magic, it has fed the nation upon the economical, and therefore republican food of promises, relating to a sound currency—especially those referring to the gold and silver, while it was stealing along into the cheap and convenient system of agovernment paper in the shape of Treasury notes; and he will observe, with unfeigned surprise and redoubled admiration, how effectually it has secured to us the services and the money of the most opulent individuals in the land, and of the largest corporations created by the States—in a most signal degree those concerned in public works—while it preaches against wealth, chartered privileges and monopolies, and, by its zeal against them, has enlisted almost every penniless man, every wasted bankrupt, and every cracked reputation in the Union upon our side. But we have a still more illustrious exemplification of the practical value of our philosophy in the address with which affairs are managed by the head of the Treasury.
The letter of directions to the Hon. Middleton Flam, with which my readers have been favored in a previous chapter, it will be remembered, required the New Lights to support the Independent Treasury, and as necessary thereto, to take ground against the State banks, as altogether unsafe depositories of the public money. It further intimated, supposing we might be diffident about this, that the Secretary of the Treasury had already furnished evidence of this fact, and would, at the proper time, make it manifest that the Government had lost more money by the banks than by any other agents it had ever trusted. Our club had never before been aware that the Secretary had reversed his old opinions on this grave question, and we, therefore, lost no time in making a call upon our member for information. Great anxiety was felt to possess the Secretary's views. A substantial vindication of the Independent Treasury in this aspect, by the overthrow ofthe banks on the authority of the man who had built them up, was a desideratum which we all acknowledged; and its success we were prepared to regard as the greatest triumph of the New-Light principle, to be accomplished through the influence of that matchless Secretary, "whose mind," as Theodore Fog once remarked, "was endued with a radiating faculty sufficiently intense to light up the bottom of a bog, impart a vitreous translucency to the home of the frog, and illuminate the abode of the bat with a luster more brilliant than that which glittered through the boudoirs of the palace of Aladdin." We were aware that in 1834 his duty required him to prove that the State banks, while unmolested by the vexatious presence of a bank of the United States, were the safest of all possible custodiaries of the people's money; and that it was the Monster Bank alone which incapacitated them to fulfill their engagements to the Government—thence deducing the fact, that when the monster was dead, the public funds could be no otherwise than safe in their keeping. We were aware that at that time it was more particularly his duty to praise the State banks, because the unprincipled Whigs denied the fact of their safety, and opposed the scheme of giving them the public treasure, on the very ground that the Government had been a heavy loser by them from the period of the war up to the date of the charter of the bank. We had read carefully his report of the 12th of December in that year, and remembered these words:—
"It is a remarkable fact connected with this inquiry, though often represented otherwise, that not a singleselected State bank failed between the expiration of the old charter and the grant of the new one; and that none of our losses included in our unavailable funds happened until some time in 1817, after the United States Bank was in operation."
"It is a remarkable fact connected with this inquiry, though often represented otherwise, that not a singleselected State bank failed between the expiration of the old charter and the grant of the new one; and that none of our losses included in our unavailable funds happened until some time in 1817, after the United States Bank was in operation."
This, and some other facts culled from the same report, constituted the armory of weapons by which our club so manfully fought and prostrated the croaking and factious Whigs of Quodlibet, when, in their ravings, they predicted loss from our employment of the pet banks. But the New Lights being now ordered to take another tack, and being promised a good fabrication of facts to fortify our position, we rested on our arms like soldiers confident in the talents of their general to intrench them in their new camp, secure against every charge of the enemy. Mr. Flam lost no time in providing us with the Secretary's report of February 27th, 1838. That officer did not deceive our hopes. This luminous paper carried demonstration on its wings and refutation in its footsteps. Prodigious man! Enormous functionary! Brightest of ministers! Samson of the New Lights! Aaron and Moses both in one, of our Democratic, Quodlibetarian, Golden-calf-worshiping Israelites, (I speak symbolically, and not in derogation of the anxiously-looked-for and long-desired Bentonian coin.) He but touched the rock of New-Light faith, and forth gushed the facts like water—yea, and arguments like milk and water. With what gratulation did we read,—
"The loss to the Treasury by taking depreciated notes, in 1814, '15, '16, and '17, is estimated at quite five millions five hundred thousand dollars; and there is now on hand of such notes then received and never paid away, or collected, about eighty thousand dollars more."
"The loss to the Treasury by taking depreciated notes, in 1814, '15, '16, and '17, is estimated at quite five millions five hundred thousand dollars; and there is now on hand of such notes then received and never paid away, or collected, about eighty thousand dollars more."
There was a conclusive argument to all that the Whigs might have urged in favor of the safety of State banks, if they had thought proper to defend them; and, in truth, it was some little mortification to us that our adversaries did not come out in favor of the banks, when we were so well provided with facts to put them down. But they, with that remarkable obstinacy which has ever characterized them, and which is altogether behind the age, stuck to their old opinions, and left us without anything to controvert, except, indeed, our own facts of 1834.
This instance, however, serves to show with what majestic bounds the New Lights have passed over the broad field of measures, and with what facile and graceful dexterity they have refuted that antiquated and vulgar adage which stigmatizes facts as stubborn things. Thus the beauty of this unrivaled philosophy consists in the harmony with which it reconciles past times with the present, with which it dovetails discordant principles, with which it brings into brotherhood elements the most repulsive, facts the most antagonistical, men the most variant, and contingencies the most impossible; which converts every man into a Janus, every highway into a labyrinth, every beacon into a lighthouse—giving to falsehood the value of truth, to shadow the usefulness of substance, and to concealmentthe estimation of candor. Truly is it the great discovery of modern times! My reader, I trust, will not, now that I have opened his understanding to the perception of this sublime spell-working philosophy, allow himself henceforth to question the laudable sentiment of approbation with which I have developed the practical operation of this theory in the history of Quodlibet.
There was another matter worthy of remark in the events of the year, which I must cursorily notice before I proceed to the era with which I propose presently to occupy my readers. The Presidential election was now in view, and received that grave consideration from the members of Congress which they are in the habit of giving to everything in Washington except the trifling business of making laws. Our diligent and watchful representative, some time before the close of the short session, wrote to our club a letter full of important advice for our guidance in the affairs of the approaching canvass for the Presidency.
Among other valuable disclosures, "the Whigs," said he, "are to hold a Convention at Harrisburg. Harry Clay, or, as they term him, Harry of the West, is to be their man;—at least, so we suspect. Whoever he be, we have made up our minds as to our course—he is to be run down in the South as an Abolitionist. Abolition is the best hobby we have had since the death of the Monster. We have already broken ground; and if Kendall and Blair can't prove Clay or anybody else to be an abolitionist, the deuce is in it: their right hand will have forgotten its cunning. The Globe is full of the matter already. Tell Eliphalet Fox tobegin at once and bark in the same key:—all the little dogs are expected to yelp after the old hound—or, as Pickens calls him, the Galvanized Corpse: many of them are at it lustily now. In 1836, Van's principles were luckily Northern;—so we have resolved to let them have full swing beyond the Potomac, and to put him in masquerade for the South. We rely implicitly on the stolidity of Pennsylvania; and shall secure New York by a concession to her banks, which for the time we mean to treat amiably. Our chief aim is the South. Van, being thoroughly imbued with the New-Light Quodlibetarian Democracy, has consented, for the benefit of our cause south of Potomac, to be dubbed 'The Northern man with Southern principles'—remember that, and tell Fox to ring the changes on it in every paper. We have hired a New Hampshire man to play clown to Van; and he somersets when his master does. This has a most striking effect. We call him the mannikin of the North with Southern principles—Van's mignonette. Our contract required him to bring in the anti-abolition resolutions touching the petitions; and although he could not venture againstthe reception, he has bolted down all the rest,totidem verbis et syllabis, as we wrote them for him;—the receptionwe struck out to accommodate the Democratic abolitionism of his district. The effect of this coup d'état was magical; and having gagged Wise and the rest of the Whigs with the Previous Question, we have left them in a state of unnatural retention which threatens to prove fatal. It is universally considered here a most lucky hit—Van and the Mannikin; and we shall, with these performers, play 'The Northern man with Southern Principles,' to crowded houses. Keep it going!—and don't forget, Clay is an Abolitionist. If the Harrisburg convention nominates anybody else—the same paragraphs will suithim;—Mutato nomine de te fabula narretur. Get the Secretary to translate that. Be discreet, and show this letter only to the faithful."
It may readily be imagined that our club was thrown into ecstacy by this confidential missive. Being the custodiary of the letter, I have ventured, without the permission of the club, to incorporate it in these annals; taking upon myself the risk of their displeasure rather than withhold so fine a specimen of the New-Light Quodlibetarian Democracy;—and indeed I can see no reason why the world shouldn't have it. We have no secrets among the New Lights.
I proceed now to the Fourth Era in these annals.
FOURTH ERA—THE HON. MIDDLETON FLAM RE-ELECTED—THE NEW LIGHTS DETERMINE TO STIGMATIZE THE WHIGS AS FEDERALISTS—MR. FLAM'S INSTRUCTIONS IN REGARD TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CANVASS—NOMINATION OF HARRISON AND TYLER—COURSE OF THE NEW LIGHTS—FORMATION OF THE GRAND CENTRAL COMMITTEE OF UNFLINCHING NEW-LIGHT QUODLIBETARIAN DEMOCRATS—ITS PRESIDENT, SECRETARY, AND PLACE OF MEETING.
In the autumn of 1839, the Hon. Middleton Flam was again our candidate for Congress. He was opposed by the celebrated John Smith, of Thorough Blue. This contest was marked by one conspicuous feature: we had completely succeeded in appropriating to our party the name of Democrats—at least we had labored very hard to do so;—our next move was to get up the old hue and cry of Federalism against the Whigs. This required great boldness; but Middleton Flam entered upon the endeavor with the intrepidity of a hero. Eliphalet Fox walked in his footsteps, and from all quarters, simultaneously, and by a well-managed concert, the cry of Federalist was poured forth upon our opponents; and Henry Clay especially—as we counted on him for the Presidential candidate—was proved to be tainted with Federalism beyond all hope of bleaching it out.
We had now two great points settled with reference to the canvass for the Presidency: the Whig candidatewas to be brought into disgrace, first, as an Abolitionist, and, secondly, as a Federalist. Mr. Flam gave our club every assurance that these two charges combined would destroy the purest man that ever lived; and that it was only necessary to drive these spikes with a sledgehammer every day, and the Democracy in the end could not fail to believe in the existence and in the enormity of these offenses, no matter who should be brought out by the Whigs—whether Scott, Clay, Harrison, or Webster.
But we had pretty conclusively made up our minds that Clay was to be the man; and our club in consequence immediately set about procuring the materials for a biography of that statesman, designed to demonstrate that he had all his life been a Hartford Conventionist in sentiment, and an unsparing enemy of Southern institutions. This task was consigned to Eliphalet Fox, who very soon amassed a wonderful amount of matter exactly to our purpose. In this, Eliphalet gave evidence of his usual skill; and his facts were so contrived that they might be used with equal success against either of the four above named, or indeed any one else who might be brought forward: but as Eliphalet had a particular hatred for Mr. Clay, and was more accustomed to defame him than any other great man in the nation, the compilation was imbued with a spirit that would have been much more effective in breaking down Mr. Clay's reputation than that of either of the others.
Great was the sensation produced in Quodlibet, great was our mortification, and great our surprise upon receiving the news in December from Harrisburg. Theconvention actually passed by Mr. Clay, passed by the great claims of Scott and Webster, and brought out General William Henry Harrison, together with John Tyler for the Vice-Presidency;—thus, by a perversity which, on all important occasions, distinguishes the Whigs, putting the two old horses of 1836 upon the course.
Mr. Flam was now at Washington. Our club met and immediately opened a correspondence with him for advice. "Keep your eye on the Globe," was his first admonition. His second was, "Open upon Harrison your Abolition batteries;—swear that the nomination was procured by Garrison;—charge Tyler with being a slaveholder, and send that off to New Hampshire;—prove that Harrison was a stark Federalist by accepting an ensigncy from the hands of Washington;—but, above all, turn him into derision for his poverty and plain habits."
It was wonderful to see the zeal with which Quodlibet set about the task assigned to it by its distinguished counselor. Eliphalet Fox, with a degree of magnanimity uncommon in an editor, took the field in behalf of Mr. Clay. "That persecuted patriot," said he, "who deserved more of his party than any man in the nation, has been treated with absolute contempt. It was due to his great claims to offer him the Presidency; but the spirit of abolition swayed this factious convention, and Mr. Clay was rejected solely on account of his well-known and deep-rooted attachment to the slave-holding interests of the South. As to General Harrison," the same article continued, "his humble station as the clerk of a county court, his insignificance and poverty, will leave the Democrats but little to overcome. Well has an enlightened and patriotic contemporary press, a distinguished pillar of the New Lights, remarked, in reference to the habits of General Harrison's life and the lowness of his associations, that two thousand dollars a year, aLOG CABIN, and a barrel ofHARD CIDERwould induce him to resign all claims to the honors his inconsiderate friends have proffered him."
The same paper propounded a series of interrogatories skillfully addressed to John Tyler, inquiring of him—what number of slaves he employed on his plantation, what was the ratio of their increase in each year, and how many he had disposed of at various intervals to Southern traders:—which interrogatories were admirably drawn up in language so equivocal in its import as to infer, what it did not directly assert, an extensive traffic in a commodity which could not but excite great indignation against him among the large mass of voters of all sides in the North.
How beautiful are these evidences of the operation of our New-Light philosophy! What a master in this science is the unrivaled Eliphalet Fox!
It was soon discovered that our club had fallen into a slight mistake touching the Log Cabin and Hard Cider, and the charge of poverty brought against General Harrison. The audacious Whigs had even the effrontery to adopt theLOG CABINandHARD CIDERas the emblem of their party, and to ask the aid of those whom we had inconsiderately derided for living in those humble cabins and using this cheap luxury of cider, to make war against our New-Light Democracy.The Log Cabin instantly became the representative of a sentiment and a word of power; and, in a perfect tornado of enthusiasm, was raised in every village, hamlet, and meeting ground in the land.
Truly did this sudden upraising of the emblem strike dismay into our ranks! Quid consilii capiemus? was our universal question in Quodlibet. What should we do? Recourse was had to Mr. Flam. "Drop," said that ready-witted man in reply, "the charge of poverty against Harrison: say he is rolling in wealth. Bring out your Federalism against him with new vigor. Call the Log Cabin banner senseless mummery—and declare your disgust against it, as lowering the tone of public sentiment and morals. If that doesn't do, get some New-Light Democratic preacher to say that Hard Cider produces more intoxication than all the liquors the Democrats ever drank: let him rail against Whig meetings as Hard Cider orgies—remember the word;—and if we can only identify the New-Light Democracy with Temperance, its twin sister, we shall produce an unheard-of effect. Meantime, ply the Abolition battery with all possible diligence—and vamp up anew that old charge of hiring out criminals to service; but be careful to make no mistake—describe it as 'selling poor white men into slavery for debt.' To prove that Harrison isagainstslavery and at the same timein favorof it, will be a most happy stroke of our New-Light Quodlibetarian philosophy. Don't fail to do this with all possible industry. Tell Eliphalet Fox that the endeavor is worthy of his genius, and if he ever expects to become a great man, now is the opportunity presented to him."
These counsels gave us great encouragement, and we set ourselves to work in earnest. The New-Light Club was confined in its operations to the Borough of Quodlibet. Our whole Congressional district, including Thorough Blue, Tumbledown, and Bickerbray, required the supervision of a body which might be organized to regulate the affairs of the canvass within that limit. This gave rise to the Central Committee. A convention was called to meet in Quodlibet, where every portion of the district should be represented. That convention resulted in the appointment of a Committee of Twelve of the staunchest and most active of the New Lights. It was called "The Grand Central Committee of Unflinching New-Light Quodlibetarian Democrats." The name was sonorous, euphonious, and, in a certain sense, magnificent—but being too long for ordinary use, we reduced it for working purposes to "The Great New-Light Democratic Central Committee of Quodlibet." Eliphalet Fox was made President; and the humble author of these chronicles, in consideration of his fidelity in the discharge of his duty to the New-Light Club, was chosen to be Secretary also of the committee—an honor which, with due reverence and thankfulness, he hath assumed.
From the date of its organization, the committee, a majority whereof are inhabitants of Quodlibet, meet once a week with most commendable punctuality, and, as we have reason to believe, with signal usefulness to the glorious cause in which we have embarked. Zachary Younghusband, who is a member, gratuitously and generously, out of his mere zeal in the cause, proffered the use of his room up stairs above the tin-plate workshop, for our sessions—an offer which we were reluctantly obliged to decline, after one trial, on account of the noise created by the workmen below. I mention this praiseworthy offer as due to Zachary, in favor of whom the committee passed a vote of thanks. We found a more quiet place of meeting in the back room of the cabinet store of Isaiah Crape, the Undertaker, for which we agreed to pay fifty cents a week and find our own lights. In this secluded spot much is done to shape and direct the destinies of this Great Republic.
PROCEEDINGS OF THE GRAND CENTRAL COMMITTEE—VINDICATION OF THE SEVERITY PRACTICED AGAINST GENERAL HARRISON—TACTICS OF THE NEW LIGHTS—ABOLITIONISM—SELLING WHITE MEN FOR DEBT—HARRISON A COWARD—CONSIDERATIONS WHICH LED TO THE NAMING OF THE OPPOSITION BRITISH WHIGS—STRATAGEM AGAINST HARRISON, AND THE CLAMOR AGAINST HIM FOR NOT ANSWERING—HOPE OF THE NEW LIGHTS CONFIRMED BY THE CONNECTICUT, RHODE ISLAND, AND VIRGINIA ELECTIONS—BALTIMORE CONVENTION A FAILURE—IMPORTANT LETTER FROM MR. FLAM—AMOS KENDALL'S PURPOSE TO RESIGN—EXCITEMENT OF COMPOSITION PRESCRIBED BY HIS PHYSICIAN—CENTRAL COMMITTEE SANCTION THE COMPILATION OF THESE ANNALS.
The Grand Central Committee having been thus happily organized, devoted itself with exemplary diligence to the important concerns of the Presidential election, which, from this time forth, became the engrossing subject of all men's thoughts. A volume would not suffice to develop the multifarious labors of the committee. I could not in less space recount the resolutions, with long argumentative preambles, linking by means of Whereases, like rings, whole newspaper loads of facts, invented for the purpose;—the addresses, the speeches copied from the Globe, and extracts from private letters—to say nothing of the paragraphs, the sole offspring of editorial brains, and all the other machinery employed by the committee to defame, traduce, and vilify General Harrison, for the unpardonable sin of being thought by the Whigs a fit man to preside over this vast Republic. It was our duty to render, if possible, his very name offensive in the nostrils of the people. In this endeavor it may easily be imagined that we found abundance to do in rummaging up old scraps of history, the falsification of public records, the oblique interpretation of equivocal laws, and in practicing all the other customary arts of warfare known to the New-Light tactics.
Admirable is that wisdom of the New Democracy which has provided such an ordeal of punishment for the man who, in opposition to their wishes, dares to make claim to the favor of the people. What better chastisement can be inflicted upon such rash aspirant, than this preliminary gauntlet which it is ordained for him to run before he can be made sensible of the insolence of his pretensions? Thrice tormented is it his lot to be, in the fiery furnace of hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness, before he shall see the end of his vain probation. As certain tribes of Indians have a custom of torturing, to the verge of stoutest human endurance, the candidate for the honor of being accounted a Brave; so in imitation of this commendable usage did we determine, in no less degree, to torture the man whom the hardihood of the Whigs had placed before the nation for the like empty and unavailing honor.
It did truly seem to the New Lights no small insolence of those men who call themselves Whigs, to propose any individual for the Presidency, while the people were already favored with a chief whose whole life was lustrous with the radiance of the Quodlibetarian Democracy. The very idea of a New Light presupposes an innate, inherent, and intuitive fitness to fill any station of any kind or degree whatever; and here was one distinguished as the very fountain of New-Light principles already at the head of the nation, dispensing the favors and wielding the power of his great office to the supreme content of all Quodlibetarians—the only persons in this Republic whose interests deserve to be held of any account in the concerns of government. Nothing but the rankest faction could originate an opposition to his beneficent administration. Acting upon this conviction, the Central Committee certainly did not spare General Harrison.
It was, however, soon perceived that the General was a little stronger with the people than we supposed him to be; and sundry were the changes to which we were consequently obliged to resort in our mode of attack. Theabolitionismwe never lost sight of: theselling of white men into slavery for debtwas also a steady topic; and some of the more ingenious of the committee fell upon the device of proving the old Generala coward: but our great effort was to convert him and all his friends into old Blue-LightFederalists. This was always considered our master-stroke; and I may appeal to all the New-Light papers of this day for evidence, that in that department of our labors we plied our task with an industry that has never been surpassed. The Jersey election, also, we turned to great account in Congress, and certainly blew our trumpet on that question both loud and long. It was a noble illustration of our zeal for State Rights, which all the world knows is one of the favorite articles in our present faith. With an eye to this same question of State Rights, we succeeded in getting up a tolerable good commotion in Congress on the subject of State debts; holding it our duty, as friends of the sovereignty of the States, to do all in our power to break down their credit, and to warn the world against placing any confidence in their pledges—although, upon this subject, I am bound to confess that our success has not answered our expectations.
There was one movement upon which our committee placed great reliance. Mr. Van Buren, and indeed the whole New-Light Democracy, had so often changed their course upon public measures, as I have already shown, that the nation had been by degrees brought into a belief that every public man was, of necessity, and from the very nature of his organization, bound to certify, at least once a year, the state of his principles and the character of his opinions on all questions of policy whatever. Now Mr. Van Buren, in 1836, came to the Presidency upon a very summary, and to himself, very comfortable profession of faith. All that he professed at that time was to follow in the footsteps—which said footsteps had scope and variation enough to allow him to take any path he thought proper. General Harrison, in that contest of 1836, did not enjoy this advantage, but was compelled to be somewhat specific in the indication of the grounds upon which his election claimed to be based. He had, consequently, not only been very full in this exposition, but had likewise referred his interrogators to a vast amount of written and printed opinions, which on divers occasions, in the course of his public career, he had found reason to express.
In the present canvass it was determined by our committee, and in fact by our New-Light friends in general, that he should reiterate afresh everything he had ever said or written on public matters, and that we should, by no means, be content with mere references to past declarations. Indeed, it seemed to our New-Light Democracy that, inasmuch asourPresident kept no opinions more than three years old, at the outside, it was impossible that General Harrison could be so antiquated as to stick to his for a longer term. Confiding in this impression, plans were laid by the New Lights to write letters to the General in the guise of friends, and in case he should refer the querists to his former expositions, without full and ample repetition of all he had said before, to bring a whirlwind of indignant reproof about his ears as a man who was afraid to trust the public with his sentiments. This stratagem succeeded beyond the most sanguine expectation of the New Lights. The General was caught in the trap; and such a clamor as was raised has never before been known in any part of the world.
"He won't answer questions!" exclaimed the Globe. "Gracious Heaven! what an insult to the intelligence of a nation of vigilant, truth-seeking, anxiously-inquiring freemen! A silent candidate! What contumely to the people! What contempt of the fundamental principles of free government!"
"Gracious Heaven! what contempt of the people!" re-echoed the Quodlibet Whole Team.
"Gracious Heaven! what contumely!" shouted the Bickerbray Scrutinizer.
"Gracious Heaven!" etc. etc., ejaculated two thousand patriotic, disciplined, footstep-following papers of all dimensions, from six by twelve to three feet square, from one end of the Union to the other. Never was there such a Gracious Heavening carried on in this country!
In the midst of all this successively came on the Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Virginia elections. The results everybody knows. Although ostensibly and to outward appearance against us, we saw in them what our infatuated opponents could not see, the certain token of our success. It was evident to us, from the returns of these elections, that a great reaction must occur; and Mr. Doubleday now very sagely remarked, "that there was no longer room to doubt that we should beat the Whigs in the fall." But the Whigs, instead of desponding at these events, began to take heart, and straightway set about getting up a Convention in Baltimore. Well, that convention was held on the Fourth of May. I was present, and I pronounce it to have been athorough failure. The Whigs have represented that at least twenty thousand persons were assembled on that occasion. According to the accurate system of computation adopted by the New Lights, and which is infallible in regard to the numbers attending Whig meetings, the whole assemblage, including boys and blacks, did not quite reach two thousand, and of those a large number were New Lights.
Still it is due to truth that I should say there were some timid men in our committee who were not altogether satisfied with the appearances of the day. We found it difficult to make them comprehend how thelate elections had operated in our favor. Yet it is a fact that we never were thoroughly convinced of thecertaintyof our success until we saw the returns in these elections. Connecticut and Rhode Island we had before considered doubtful: we now had no doubt. And as to Virginia, we became at once fully persuaded that our success there was actually "brilliant:"—such is the beautiful operation of the New-Light philosophy in bringing consolation to its votaries under apparent disaster, and suggesting encouragement where others would despond.
Yet it must not be concealed that these incidents produced some slight sensation in our committee. Mr. Flam wrote from Washington a letter of grave reflection. "Although," said he, "our success in Virginia has transcended our expectations, yet we are not quite certain that ourabolitionbattery has been altogethervery effective. Indeed, it is questioned here whether it would not be as well to abandon it, and even point the guns in the opposite direction.Martin has room enough yet to turn—and, as it is rather manifest that Virginia considers our charge of abolitionism against Harrison ahumbug, and as the whole South will probably fall into the same opinion, (in which, in my judgment, they would not be very far wrong,) the propriety of taking the opposite ground is well worthy of consideration.Van's affinities are with the North; so that if it can be made clearly to appear to be his interest to take this backward leap, hisSouthern principlesare not yet more than cobwebs in his way.We must think of this.In the mean time, it is the desire of the President and his managing friends here thatyou not only continue to brand the opposition asFederalists, but call themBritish Whigs. This is rendered necessary by the fact that the opposition have just discovered that Van Buren voted against Madison and the War, and supported Clinton and the Peace party. By anticipating the ground and charging the Whigs as under British influence, we shall take off the edge of this assault, and avoid the effect of another reminiscence against the President—I mean his instructions to M'Lane, on the West India Question, which the Whigs impute to him as a truckling to Great Britain. Besides this, you know, Martin has been very assiduous of late in courting the good opinion of Victoria—so, by all means, drive atThe British Whigs! Keep your eye upon Amos Kendall, who has consented to act as fugleman. His health is so much shattered by the diseases of the Post-office, that he is compelled to retire; and as his physician prescribes 'the excitement of composition' as his only cure, he is about to devote himself to the Extra Globe, in which sheet he will be able to indulge his imagination in the creation of those chaste and prurient fancies for which he has been remarkable from a child. The pure and simple inventions of that paper are ass's milk to his wasted constitution."
Thus admonished, our Central Committee proceeded in their labors with the most spirited activity; and it was not long before the whole Union was ringing with our charge against the British Whigs.
It was at this juncture that I suggested to the committee the propriety of making this compilationof the Annals of Quodlibet. I explained to them how important it was that the world should be made acquainted with the history and character of that New-Light philosophy which had worked such wonders in our Borough. It was very obvious that even our friends were not fully aware of the height and the depth of this sublime theory, nor of its extreme efficacy in the administration of the government. It had taken the world by surprise, and had grown up, in a few years, into a system which no naturalist had yet defined; and had assumed an importance in the affairs of this country which few persons were able fully to appreciate. Impressed with this conviction, I disclosed to the committee the purpose which, for some time past, I had secretly cherished, of collating from my manuscripts all such particulars in the history of Quodlibet as might serve to elucidate this subject. The committee knew that my materials were ample; and they had more than once been pleased to express their admiration of those poor talents which I had oftentimes exhibited in the effusions of my humble pen. The subject was now brought up to the notice of the committee on the motion of my friend, Mr. Younghusband, in a resolution too laudatory for my modesty to insert in this book. Readily and cheerfully did the committee condescend to assign this task to my endeavors;—confiding the matter and the manner thereof to my sole discretion, with the single injunction that I should abstain from all such incidents of mere personal or private concernment, as might by captious or invidious critics be designated as savoring of romance. Faithfully, as in my judgment, I could, have I obeyed this injunction; and with the frankness and veracity of one who chronicles for posterity rather than the present times, have I set forth all such matters of fact and comments of opinion as shall guide my readers to a true knowledge of the doctrine of the New-Light Quodlibetarian philosophy.