The Project Gutenberg eBook ofRemarksThis ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.Title: RemarksAuthor: Bill NyeRelease date: June 1, 2005 [eBook #8220]Most recently updated: February 26, 2021Language: EnglishCredits: Text file produced by Charles Franks, Beth Trapaga and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading TeamIllustrated HTML file produced by David Widger*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REMARKS ***
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
Title: RemarksAuthor: Bill NyeRelease date: June 1, 2005 [eBook #8220]Most recently updated: February 26, 2021Language: EnglishCredits: Text file produced by Charles Franks, Beth Trapaga and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading TeamIllustrated HTML file produced by David Widger
Title: Remarks
Author: Bill Nye
Author: Bill Nye
Release date: June 1, 2005 [eBook #8220]Most recently updated: February 26, 2021
Language: English
Credits: Text file produced by Charles Franks, Beth Trapaga and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading TeamIllustrated HTML file produced by David Widger
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REMARKS ***
Ah Sin was his name;And I shall not deny,In regard to the same,What the name might imply:But his smile it was pensive and childlike,As I frequent remarked to Bill Nye.—Bret Harte.
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{Bill Nye}
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This book is not designed specially for any one class of people. It is for all. It is a universal repository of thought. Some of my best thoughts are contained in this book. Whenever I would think a thought that I thought had better remain unthought, I would omit it from this book. For that reason the book is not so large as I had intended. When a man coldly and dispassionately goes at it to eradicate from his work all that may not come up to his standard of merit, he can make a large volume shrink till it is no thicker than the bank book of an outspoken clergyman.
This is the fourth book that I have published in response to the clamorous appeals of the public. Whenever the public got to clamoring too loudly for a new book from me and it got so noisy that I could not ignore it any more, I would issue another volume. The first was a red book, succeeded by a dark blue volume, after which I published a green book, all of which were kindly received by the American people, and, under the present yielding system of international copyright, greedily snapped up by some of the tottering dynasties.
But I had long hoped to publish a larger, better and, if possible, a redder book than the first; one that would contain my better thoughts, thoughts that I had thought when I was feeling well; thoughts that I had emitted while my thinker was rearing up on its hind feet, if I may be allowed that term; thoughts that sprang forth with a wild whoop and demanded recognition.
This book is the result of that hope and that wish. It is my greatest and best book. It is the one that will live for weeks after other books have passed away. Even to those who cannot read, it will come like a benison when there is no benison in the house. To the ignorant, the pictures will be pleasing. The wise will revel in its wisdom, and the housekeeper will find that with it she may easily emphasize a statement or kill a cockroach.
The range of subjects treated in this book is wonderful, even to me. It is a library of universal knowledge, and the facts contained in it are different from any other facts now in use. I have carefully guarded, all the way through, against using hackneyed and moth-eaten facts. As a result, I am able to come before the people with a set of new and attractive statements, so fresh and so crisp that an unkind word would wither them in a moment.
I believe there is nothing more to add, except that I most heartily endorse the book. It has been carefully read over by the proof-reader and myself, so we do not ask the public to do anything that we were not willing to do ourselves.
I cannot be responsible for the board of orphans whose parents read this book and leave their children in destitute circumstances.
Bill Nye
CONTENTS
DIRECTIONS.
ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS
My School Days.
Recollections of Noah Webster.
To Her Majesty.
Habits of a Literary Man.
A Father's Letter.
Archimedes.
To the President-Elect.
Anatomy.
Mr. Sweeney's Cat.
The Heyday of Life.
They Fell.
Second Letter to the President.
Milling in Pompeii.
Broncho Sam.
How Evolution Evolves.
Hours With Great Men.
Concerning Coroners.
Down East Rum.
Railway Etiquette.
B. Franklin, Deceased.
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer.
The Opium Habit.
More Paternal Correspondence.
Twombley's Tale.
On Cyclones.
The Arabian Language.
Verona.
A Great Upheaval.
The Weeping Woman.
The Crops.
Literary Freaks.
A Father's Advice to His Son.
Eccentricity in Lunch.
Insomnia in Domestic Animals.
Along Lake Superior.
I Tried Milling.
Our Forefathers.
In Acknowledgement.
Preventing a Scandal.
About Portraits.
The Old South.
Knights of the Pen.
The Wild Cow.
Spinal Meningitis.
Skimming the Milky Way.
A Thrilling Experience.
Catching a Buffalo.
John Adams.
The Wail Of A Wife.
Bunker Hill.
A Lumber Camp.
My Lecture Abroad.
The Miner at Home.
An Operatic Entertainment.
Dogs and Dog Days.
Christopher Columbus.
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice.
A Journalistic Tenderfoot.
The Amateur Carpenter.
The Average Hen.
Woodtick William's Story.
In Washington.
My Experience as an Agriculturist.
A New Autograph Album.
A Resign.
My Mine.
Mush and Melody.
The Blase Young Man.
History of Babylon.
Lovely Horrors.
The Bite of a Mad Dog.
Arnold Winkelreid.
Murray and the Mormons.
About Geology.
A Wallula Night.
Flying Machines.
Asking for a Pass.
Words About Washington.
The Board of Trade.
The Cow-Boy.
Stirring Incidents at a Fire.
The Little Barefoot Boy.
Favored a Higher Fine.
“I Spy.”
Mark Anthony.
Man Overbored.
“Done It A-Purpose.”
Picnic Incidents.
Nero.
Squaw Jim.
Squaw Jim's Religion.
One Kind of Fool.
John Adams' Diary.
John Adams' Diary.
John Adams' Diary
“Heap Brain.”
The Approaching Humorist.
What We Eat.
Care of House Plants.
A Peaceable Man.
Biography of Spartacus.
Concerning Book Publishing.
A Calm.
The Story of a Struggler.
The Old Subscriber.
My Dog.
A Picturesque Picnic.
Taxidermy.
The Ways of Doctors.
Absent Minded.
Woman's Wonderful Influence.
Causes for Thanksgiving.
Farming in Maine.
Doosedly Dilatory.
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger.
Sixty Minutes in America.
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss.
Somnambulism and Crime.
Modern Architecture.
Letter to a Communist.
The Warrior's Oration.
The Holy Terror.
Boston Common and Environs.
Drunk in a Plug Hat.
Spring.
The Duke of Rawhide.
Etiquette at Hotels.
Fifteen Years Apart.
Dessicated Mule.
Time's Changes.
Letter From New York.
Crowns and Crowned Heads.
My Physician.
All About Oratory.
Strabusmus and Justice.
A Spencerian Ass.
Anecdotes of Justice.
The Chinese God.
A Great Spiritualist.
General Sheridan's Horse.
A Circular.
The Photograph Habit.
Rosalinde.
The Church Debt.
A Collection of Keys.
Extracts from a Queen's Diary.
Shorts.
“We.”
A Mountain Snowstorm.
Lost Money.
Dr. Dizart's Dog.
Chinese Justice.
Answers to Correspondents.
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-brac.
A Convention.
Come Back.
A New Play.
The Silver Dollar.
Polygamy as a Religious Duty.
The Newspaper.
Wrestling with the Mazy.
Anecdotes of the Stage.
George the Third.
The Cell Nest.
Parental Advice.
Early Day Justice.{2}
The Indian Orator.
You Heah Me, Sah!
Plato.
The Expensive Word.
Petticoats at the Polls.
The Sedentary Hen.
A Bright Future for Pugilism.
The Snake Indian.
Roller Skating.
No More Frontier.
A Letter of Regrets.
Venice.
She Kind of Coaxed Him.
Answering an Invitation.
Street Cars and Curiosities.
The Poor Blind Pig.
Daniel Webster.
Two Ways of Telling It.
All About Menials.
A Powerful Speech.
A Goat in a Frame.
To a Married Man.
To an Embryo Poet.
Eccentricities of Genius.
ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS
About Geology
About Geology
About Portraits
About Portraits
A Bright Future for Pugilism
A Bright Future for Pugilism
Absent Minded
Absent Minded
A Calm
A Calm
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
A Circular
A Circular
A Collection of Keys
A Collection of Keys
A Convention
A ConventionA Father's Advice to his Son
A Father's Letter
A Father's Letter
A Goat in a Frame
A Goat in a Frame
A Great Spiritualist
A Great Spiritualist
A Great Upheaval
A Great Upheaval
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
A Letter of Regrets
A Letter of Regrets
All About Menials
All About Menials
All About Oratory
All About Oratory
Along Lake Superior
Along Lake Superior
A Lumber Camp
A Lumber Camp
A Mountain Snowstorm
A Mountain Snowstorm
Anatomy
Anatomy
Anecdotes of Justice
Anecdotes of Justice
Anecdotes of the Stage
Anecdotes of the Stage
A New Autograph Album
A New Autograph Album
A New Play
A New Play
An Operatic Entertainment
An Operatic Entertainment
Answering an Invitation
Answering an Invitation
Answers to Correspondents
Answers to Correspondents
A Peaceable Man
A Peaceable Man
A Picturesque Picnic
A Picturesque Picnic
A Powerful Speech
A Powerful Speech
Archimedes
Archimedes
A Resign
A Resign
Arnold Winkelreid
Arnold Winkelreid
Asking for a Pass
Asking for a Pass
A Spencerian Ass
A Spencerian AssAstronomy
A Thrilling Experience
A Thrilling Experience
A Wallula Night
A Wallula Night
B. Franklin, Deceased
B. Franklin, Deceased
Biography of Spartacus
Biography of Spartacus
Boston Common and Environs
Boston Common and Environs
Broncho Sam
Broncho Sam
Bunker Hill
Bunker Hill
Care of House Plants
Care of House Plants
Catching a Buffalo
Catching a Buffalo
Causes for Thanksgiving
Causes for Thanksgiving
Chinese Justice
Chinese Justice
Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus
Come Back
Come Back
Concerning Book Publishing
Concerning Book Publishing
Concerning Coroners
Concerning Coroners
Crowns and Crowned Heads
Crowns and Crowned Heads
Daniel Webster
Daniel Webster
Dessicated Mule
Dessicated Mule
Dogs and Dog Days
Dogs and Dog Days
Doosedly Dilatory
Doosedly Dilatory“Done It A-Purpose”
Down East Rum
Down East Rum
Dr. Dizart's Dog
Dr. Dizart's Dog
Drunk in a Plug Hat
Drunk in a Plug HatEarly Day Justice
Eccentricities of Genius
Eccentricity in Lunch
Eccentricity in Lunch
Etiquette at Hotels
Etiquette at Hotels
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Extracts from a Queen's Diary
Extracts from a Queen's Diary
Farming in Maine
Farming in Maine
Favored a Higher Fine
Favored a Higher Fine
Fifteen Years Apart
Fifteen Years Apart
Flying Machines
Flying Machines
General Sheridan's Horse
General Sheridan's Horse
George the Third
George the ThirdGreat Sacrifice of Bric-a-Brac
Habits of a Literary Man
Habits of a Literary Man“Heap Brain”
History of Babylon
History of Babylon
Hours With Great Men
Hours With Great Men
How Evolution Evolves
How Evolution EvolvesIn Acknowledgment
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
In Washington
In Washington“I Spy”
I Tried Milling
I Tried Milling
John Adams
John Adams
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' DiaryJohn Adams' Diary, (No. 2.)John Adams' Diary, (No. 3.)
Knights of the Pen
Knights of the PenLetter from New York
Letter to a Communist
Letter to a Communist
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
Literary Freaks
Literary Freaks
Lost Money
Lost Money
Lovely Horrors
Lovely Horrors
Man Overbored
Man OverboredMark Antony
Milling in Pompeii
Milling in Pompeii
Modern Architecture
Modern Architecture
More Paternal Correspondence
More Paternal Correspondence
Mr. Sweeney's Cat
Mr. Sweeney's Cat
Murray and the Mormons
Murray and the Mormons
Mush and Melody
Mush and Melody
My Dog
My Dog
My Experience as an Agriculturist
My Experience as an Agriculturist
My Lecture Abroad
My Lecture Abroad
My Mine
My Mine
My Physician
My Physician
My School Days
My School Days
Nero
Nero
No More Frontier
No More Frontier
On Cyclones
On Cyclones
One Kind of Fool
One Kind of Fool
Our Forefathers
Our Forefathers
Parental Advice
Parental Advice
Petticoats at the Polls
Petticoats at the Polls
Picnic Incidents
Picnic Incidents
Plato
Plato
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
Preventing a Scandal
Preventing a Scandal
Railway Etiquette
Railway Etiquette
Recollections of Noah Webster
Recollections of Noah Webster
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss
Roller Skating
Roller Skating
Rosalinde
Rosalinde
Second Letter to the President
Second Letter to the President
She Kind of Coaxed Him
She Kind of Coaxed Him
Shorts
Shorts
Sixty Minutes in America
Sixty Minutes in America
Skimming the Milky Way
Skimming the Milky Way
Somnambulism and Crime
Somnambulism and Crime
Spinal Meningitis
Spinal Meningitis
Spring
Spring
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim's Religion
Squaw Jim's Religion
Stirring Incidents at a Fire
Stirring Incidents at a FireStrabismus and Justice
Street Cars and Curiosities
Street Cars and Curiosities
Taxidermy
Taxidermy
The Amateur Carpenter
The Amateur Carpenter
The Approaching Humorist
The Approaching Humorist
The Arabian Language
The Arabian Language
The Average Hen
The Average Hen
The Bite of a Mad Dog
The Bite of a Mad Dog
The Blase Young Man
The Blase Young Man