EXPERIENCE NUMBER 17
"Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded,Which find but pleasant ways,But they are few. Far more there are who wanderWithout a hope or friends;Who find their journey full of pains and losses,And long to reach the end."
"Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded,Which find but pleasant ways,But they are few. Far more there are who wanderWithout a hope or friends;Who find their journey full of pains and losses,And long to reach the end."
"Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded,
Which find but pleasant ways,
But they are few. Far more there are who wander
Without a hope or friends;
Who find their journey full of pains and losses,
And long to reach the end."
Yet if, like Elisha's servant, we could open our blind spiritual eyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the wounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some such experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul to surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure. There is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait on the soul that surrenders to his will. The difficulty is always the unsurrendered will.
When I was about fourteen years old, anevangelist came to our town to preach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the soul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was riding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of the clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun. I thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting, though of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me more solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for me also. But I said: "Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I choose other things." At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped the cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be no crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering servants were ready to spare me the "pains and losses," but my will was not surrendered. I would not bear the cross.
Another warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the home of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of themeeting and its solemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please Jesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going because the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my conscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably to be the presence of some one in my room. I looked up, and it seemed that I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul, and the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had no desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was enraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient.
This, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might make all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep, and I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and unconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a "journey full of pains and losses," "without hope or friends," I walked life's track. God did not have his way, but I had mine. Often, so often in theyears that followed I remembered the last night of the revival that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had not decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people; I wanted to join a more fashionable church. As she approached me, I whispered to her, "I am going to join the other church." She said, "Be sure your heart is right," but I was not sure.
Perhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God, I would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that laid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these unseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was no hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease possessed my body, and sin became my hated master.
"Could we but draw back the curtainsThat surround each other's lives,See the naked heart and spirit—ah, if we only could!"If we knew—alas! and do weEver care to knowWhether bitter herbs or rosesIn our neighbor's garden grow?"
"Could we but draw back the curtainsThat surround each other's lives,See the naked heart and spirit—ah, if we only could!
"Could we but draw back the curtains
That surround each other's lives,
See the naked heart and spirit—ah, if we only could!
"If we knew—alas! and do weEver care to knowWhether bitter herbs or rosesIn our neighbor's garden grow?"
"If we knew—alas! and do we
Ever care to know
Whether bitter herbs or roses
In our neighbor's garden grow?"
I attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but without a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to God. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any cross he saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me salvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was so ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart feel so new and light and happy, he had made me his child. I knew about as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen. At last, a very dear, good woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever asked me about my soul. She taughtme to talk about spiritual things and to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God's own Word. She showed me by God's Word how I might live entirely free from the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to his glory. It was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food I had ever tasted. She taught me that by his Word and promises he was able and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was hopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live until God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my cross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the "pains and losses" that brought grief and misery to my life. Blessings now fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body was being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He caused me to "forget the things of the past and press on."
"Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow,He said, 'Arise and shine!'"
"Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow,He said, 'Arise and shine!'"
"Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow,
He said, 'Arise and shine!'"
He has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little children and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding he makes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind, the Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an instant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that he might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning! It was not his will that I should suffer.
"Can we think that it pleases his loving heartTo cause us a moment's pain?Ah no, but he saw through the present crossThe bliss of eternal gain."
"Can we think that it pleases his loving heartTo cause us a moment's pain?Ah no, but he saw through the present crossThe bliss of eternal gain."
"Can we think that it pleases his loving heart
To cause us a moment's pain?
Ah no, but he saw through the present cross
The bliss of eternal gain."
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 18
I have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my God—the experience of his goodness to my soul. I was fond of the gaieties and follies of the world until about fifteen years of age, when I became awakened to the needs of my soul. In all former seasons when God called me, I was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear the reproach of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety without his duties and crosses, but I now fell at the Savior's feet and inquired with trembling, anxious words: "Lord, what shall I do? I will part with everything or do anything for an interest in Jesus."
I do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, but sorrow that I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being willing to acquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness. I did not obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks, though I sought it withprayer and tears. My burden had become exceeding heavy, too heavy for my strength, and I sank to the floor. While kneeling there I was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the heavenly world. In an instant darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away, and peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place. I rose to my feet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear Redeemer.
I was away from home with a family who were not Christians, though amiable, kind friends. I said nothing to them, but they had noticed my distress and now observed the happy change. Among my private writings I find the transaction thus recorded:
"January 13, 1805.—I have this day publicly devoted myself to the service of God and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal King of heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world, with whatever is displeasing in his pure and holy eyes; to walk in his commandments and ordinances; to seek his glory and the best interests of his church here below; and inconfidence of well-doing, to look forward to a happy inheritance with the saints in light."
For a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did not persevere in that course of consecration, which alone secures unwavering hope. As I was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed religion amid a large society, naturally amiable and loved, I had many temptations to return to folly, which I mainly resisted; but sometimes I went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to Christ. Here I first experienced a diminution of my happiness. I could not go from the circle of my folly to my closet and find my Savior and hold sweet communion with him, but with adoring wonder, I remember that when I repented, he forgave me. When I returned to him, he healed my backslidings and loved me freely.
After I was married, I was anxious to train my children in the ways of the Lord, but through many cares and on account of having to work very hard, I neglected theirearly religious instruction. I found that I needed a deeper work of grace in my heart, and when for the time I ought to be a teacher, I had need that one teach me again the first principles of the oracles of God. My prayer was, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I wanted to be freed from sin and thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I should never vex or grieve him more.
For something more than a year I suffered much from the buffetings and temptations of Satan. I knew that Jesus was near and sustained me in those conflicts, although it seemed that he had left me alone to contend with the powers of darkness. In the midst of these trials I had temptations of rebellion against God to call him unjust, to reproach him for creating me. The temptations came to "contradict him." I did it, but oh, the horror of that moment! Until then I had resisted every temptation, as I thought, but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath the mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of infinitewisdom and excellence and contradict him. This, I thought, must be the sin for which there is no forgiveness. But I could weep tears of penitence; could sink at his feet and own it just. What less could his insulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm! But he did not do it. Not even a frown was upon his gracious brow. It seemed that there was salvation for every sinner who had not, like me, contradicted him and thereby made him a liar. I contemplated the glorious character of God and concluded that unless I could find evidence that my sin was against the Holy Ghost, I should only be repeating that dreadful sin while I refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent.
I retired with my Bible spread open before me and, kneeling down, read and prayed over the chapters in Hebrews which represent the blessed Savior as our sacrifice and high priest. In the twenty-fifth verse of the seventh chapter I found this assurance: "He is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeinghe ever liveth to make intercession for them." Here was something to meet my case. "To the uttermost" I had insulted him, but "to the uttermost" he could save. I believed and here my soul entered into rest. I embraced the promises, rich and boundless, as my own. In Christ Jesus they are all there for me. I felt and said with heaven-born confidence, "This is firm footing; this is solid rock. My feet are placed upon it to remove no more." The view was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion (if so it may be called), but calm, delightful, "strong consolation," firmer than the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable Word and oath of God in Christ. It was "hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil."
Eleven years have passed since, and my peace has been like a river. In the world, to be sure, I have had tribulation and expect to have, for Jesus told me I should; but, blessed be his name! in him I have peace. I love the subject of Christian perfection, orentire sanctification in this life; but I have not been fully able to reach the point to obtain that deeper experience. Yet I believe I perfectly desire to do the will of God. May God bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are laboring to promote the sanctification of believers.
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 19
To show that God works the same in the hearts of his people wherever they are, I wish to mention the experience of one of my Indian sisters. Her little son contracted enteric fever. Every possible aid was given him, but he continued to grow worse. The fever caused him to become unconscious at intervals. The parents then decided to remove him to a hospital, that he might have skilled attention. Soon after being taken to the hospital, he became entirely unconscious, in which condition he remained for weeks, yes, for months. He was unable to take nourishment in the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him, as he was at the point of death yet did not die. Many who were not acquainted with the parents, but heard of the case, went to the hospital to see him.
The father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital, but when weeks and months had passed, they gave uphope for his recovery. All the Christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for him and felt that God only could restore him to health. The parents knew a man who believed in divine healing and called him, and he anointed the child and prayed for him. He became so sick that the doctor thought he would not live until morning, and asked the parents to remain at the hospital that night.
The next day the father and mother went for a walk together, and while out walking he said to her, "We must become reconciled to losing our child, for it seems God is going to take him." At first the mother-heart could not yield to giving up the child, but at last she became resigned. Soon after this the child regained consciousness, but was weak, and his mind was almost a blank. He was like a new-born babe and had to learn to speak, although he was about nine years of age. Some thought he would never be normal again, and others thought he would be crippled. Since he has been restored to health, when that mother sees himenjoying the right use of his faculties and limbs, her heart is filled with thankfulness and praise to God.
She told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing their hearts closer to the Lord, and of enabling her to experience the sweet rest of being fully submitted to God, whereby she was afterwards able to teach others the way.
Just before this she had been urging a bereaved friend, who was grieving too much over the loss of her father, to become resigned to the will of God. Her friend said, "You can not appreciate my loss, for you have never suffered such a loss." She saw the force of her friend's remark and said no more. But when the affliction came upon her child and she was called upon to become resigned to the will of God, she came to know not only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great consolation in being submissive. When her friend afterwards came to know of her submission, she was very much affected.
Both my friend and her husband feel thatGod has given them their child from the grave, and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal they have come to love their Savior more.
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 20
The most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own conversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had prayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only a young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never felt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession. A few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on in that condition, he even dropped his profession.
Eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United Brethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward for prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace he so earnestly sought.
One day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the ministers to know just how to get rid of the greatload of sins he was carrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed. The minister said: "It is like this: A man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his shoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize any difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it had all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that the entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins. As you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not realize any change at first, and it will take some time for you to realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully forgiven."
Poor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an instantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement he gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that unhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind,although he often desired to be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own peace of mind, and yearned to be able to "read his title clear to mansions in the sky."
In the spring of 1906 his brother and family came to make us a short visit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a foreign country. For some months they had been especially burdened that at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed the ocean to their mission field. Their pure, holy lives made a deep impression upon me, and through their earnest prayers and fastings for my poor soul, I was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the Lord. I was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble people of God who worship him in spirit and in truth, and to become one of them. I had a feeling, however, that my father might be displeased with me for making such a decision; but when I met him a few weeks later, my soul leaped with joy, for he expressed himself as being glad thatI had given my heart to God, and even made a favorable expression concerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of God.
From this time I was much encouraged and determined to do what I could to help win my father and other loved ones to the Lord. I often read to him from the Bible and explained passages of Scripture as best I could, especially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin. Being a school-teacher, my work called me away from home much of the time, but the burden continued for the salvation of my father.
A year after the Lord saved me, I went to a distant city to engage in the work of the Lord. One day I wrote a few words of exhortation to my father on the blank space of a little tract entitled Prepare for Heaven, and sent it with an earnest prayer that the Spirit of the Lord would apply the little message to my father's heart. In answer to this letter, he wrote me thus: "My DearDaughter: I would give this whole world, were it mine to give, for this great salvation which you possess and are writing about." Then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his miserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right with God. He closed by asking me to pray God to send heavy conviction upon him.
It is needless to say that I became more earnest in praying and fasting for his soul. I felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter. Not only did I feel my inability to do so, but for lack of time deferred writing until I met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly, and then one day when I was unable to go about my work, I was reminded of my opportunity of writing to father. As I began writing and pouring out my heart to him, the blessings of the Lord rested upon me insomuch that it seemed I could write scarcely without effort; and as I mailed the letter, it was with an earnest prayer that the Lord would prepare my father for all that was written.
Some time later my father told me that hereceived this letter one morning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy, he sat down by the cook-stove and read it through. He said he marveled at it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things that it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise God that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though tobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished reading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing that had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before throwing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming down his face, "I'll never touch it again if it kills me." Thank God, who had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God. I had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so enslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his earnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at theend of that time he had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him, he was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and thus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite, and in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal appetite was removed.
The tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his heart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his letter, "Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters pray for me? The Bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much." Portions of his letter were read to the congregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf.
At the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our arrival we found Fatheranxious to know the will of God, that he might find real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the conversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had a desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also said: "The Bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren, and now I must know it." We assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but that it must come through faith.
After spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we had to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for the deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see that my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed that he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting the request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep conviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table.
Arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to the city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series of meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while doing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the blackness of despair he cried out, "O Lord! if I drop into hell the next moment, let me go. I can't stand this any longer"; and, dropping his fork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend that "sticketh closer than a brother" was right at his side. He heard that cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and laughing. "You are mocking God," was his first thought, and quite dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as he had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate longer.
Now, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact that he had just been "born again," had just "passed from death unto life." Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his morning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While they drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the meadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in the beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once; but, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he came hastily to the house.
Instead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through the front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality of the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found life—real Bible salvation. He stretched outhis arms to me over a rocker that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, "O daughter, I believe!" Before he could say anything more on account of his great rejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one hand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker near the stove. Then he said, "Let us pray." As we knelt in real thanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude to God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was free—yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing, even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this great victory.
Now I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do not receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always manifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the timeof my conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but instead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became seriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had been rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought that perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized such an experience as he had realized.
Could it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved and never have been? The very thought almost made me faint-hearted. Then I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me, and I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost the desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had become interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that my life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I took courage andtried to banish these accusations and leave my case with God.
But the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially as I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about salvation. It was evident that he thought every one must obtain an experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case was so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer, and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his and that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that moment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence in my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly be true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon banished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, "Daughter, I know you are saved. Your life has proved it." Thank God, he did not doubt it; so I tookcourage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight again.
This experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance him so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time other members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their sins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way, rather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord are wonderful, and the riches of his grace in the Christian life are inexhaustible.
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 21
I was reared on one of the hilliest, stumpiest, and stoniest Canadian farms I have ever seen. How vividly there come to my mind my boyhood experiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses; of stumping, logging, and picking stones until the skin was worn off my fingers and the stones were stained with my blood. I then thought that mine was a very hard life, but I have long since looked back to those boyhood experiences as God's way of providing me with a physique that has enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in British North America, where the winds were intensely cold and where I was once for twenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero. In sharp contrast, I have been twenty-eight years in India's tropical heat. This was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is God's general method with all his people.
When I was a boy of ten summers, a boyhood friend of my father's visited him. They were taking a walk, and, unnoticed, I followed them. Then I overheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters, but say of me, "Frank will never amount to much." My father vigorously protested and sang my praises until I made this resolution: "I must not disappoint my father. I will do something worthy of consideration." That hour I was intellectually awakened.
Parents, let your young people know that you believe in them. About the same time our pastor preached a missionary sermon, at the end of which he circulated a subscription. When the paper came to me, I said to my father, "May I subscribe?" He replied, "If you earn and pay your own money, you may." I subscribed one dollar. I had it earned long before the collectors came around, and wished either that I had subscribed more or that the collectors might come soon. That subscription was the beginning which ended in my giving myself. Parents, give your children a chance to linkthemselves definitely with Jesus in saving a lost world.
When I was a boy of about thirteen, my father said to me one evening at the setting of the sun, "Water the stock." Soon some boys arrived, and, being a real boy, I forgot my work and played.
A little later my father asked, "Have you done what I told you?"
"Yes, father," I replied.
He knew I had not, and I even now recall that he said not a word but walked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a falsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of an old man. The boys left, and I watered the stock. Then, boy like, I forgot, went to bed and slept. During the next forenoon Mother called me to her and said:
"Do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night?"
I replied, "No, Mother, I do not know. Why didn't he sleep?"
Mother's answer was, "Your father spent all last night praying for you."
My saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow and rang like a bell in my ears, and I became powerfully convicted of sin. Just following that a series of revival meetings were held which continued for several weeks. I became a seeker and had no rest until I found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin. I was the only convert during the meetings, and critics said, "He will backslide in a few weeks. The revival is a failure." But I am here to tell the story that I am still saved by grace.
I could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer, but he lived to see me become a minister, a missionary, and to hold the highest position on the mission field, and then the Lord called him to his eternal reward. My mother entered into rest about two years previous to that time.
It is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of prevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as hedid. Parents may not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their children and compel them to surrender to Jesus, but I do believe that my father prayed until God sent such conviction through the Holy Spirit that sin became such an unbearable burden that I gladly yielded my will to the will of my God; prayed until my sins were pardoned, the burden removed, and I was genuinely converted. I firmly believe that the same heavenly Father will hear the cry of other parents, and for their encouragement I leave this testimony concerning God's answer to my father's fervent prayers.
After my conversion I rejoiced many days in the delight of that precious experience. For months I had a real and precious joy in the consciousness of pardoned sin, but after a time I found that I did not have a continuous, abiding peace and rest. There was a longing for something more than it seemed I now possessed. As a boy I tried very hard to be good, and as I look back I believe that I lived a very correct outward life. I lived among a very godly people,who set a high ideal before me, one to which I felt I could not live. I observed my daily prayers, but suffered many an inward defeat.
I can not now recall that I ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or victory over the power of sin. No person in the congregation where our family attended meetings professed holiness, nor do I remember that the experience was talked about. The people did speak of "having religion" and "more religion." There were people in the congregation whom I still believe lived holy lives, and the testimony of their lives convicted me, for I knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that I had not. I therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life and was struggling all the time for an experience such as I knew others enjoyed.
The weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was, "I have just enough religion to make me miserable."That is, he had too much religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get it out of his religion. I always felt that that man told the experience I then had. For three years I endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory religious experience. I then attended a revival and went forward for prayer night after night, but no relief came to my poor burdened heart. As my case became more desperate, I recalled the story of Jacob. He prayed until the morning, and at the rising of the sun the angel appeared and blessed him. I spent several nights in prayer, but found no relief.
On Saturday morning about sunrise I was on a straw stack in the barnyard with a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to feed the cattle. While thus working and in a despondent, meditative mood, wondering what I could do, there seemed suddenly to float out before me in the air in illuminated letters, "John three sixteen." I began to read, "God so lovedthe world." I reasoned then that God so loved me that "he gave his only begotten Son." All was clear thus far. Then I came to that all-inclusive word, "whosoever." I stopped at "whosoever" and recalled the story I heard of Richard Baxter, who said, "I would rather have the word 'whosoever' in John three sixteen than have Richard Baxter, for then I should at once be tempted to believe it was for some other Richard Baxter."
I reasoned, "I know that my name is in that 'whosoever.'" I then read on—"believeth on him." "Do I believe on him?" This was the next question to be settled. During several years I had, in competition for a Sunday-school prize, recited the whole four Gospels. In thought I ran over what the New Testament said about Jesus and cried out, "I believe every word of the gospel; Lord, I do believe."
Then I read on—"should not perish." Quick as a flash I saw the weak place in my faith. I had been believing on Jesus, but feeling that I should perish. At that pointI sprang to my feet on the straw stack and read it over again—"Should not perish, but have everlasting life." Then I saw that through doubt I had treated the promise as though it read "should perish and not have everlasting life." I cried out, "Lord, I will reverse it no longer. I will believe it as it reads."
Then I seemed to have another inspiration. I had long been troubled about understanding what it meant to believe. I had worked out a theory that if I could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see Jesus on the cross, that would be "exercising saving faith"; and when praying, I would find myself trying to do that. I now asked myself this question: "How do you believe your mother's promise?" The answer was at once, "I believe because I believe in my mother, the promiser." The next moment I realized that believing Mother's promises was not a mental effort and struggle such as I had been going through for years, but a mental rest. I just believed that her promise was true without any effortwhatever, not because I felt it, but because Mother made it. Then I cried, "Jesus made this promise, and I believe it."
Then I waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling, but no feeling came. I then saw clearly for the first time that I was trusting partly in Jesus and partly to my feelings. Presently the Spirit showed me that feeling never saves any one, that only Jesus saves. I remember that, standing on the straw stack, I cried out, "O Jesus! I put my all on thy promise, and I will leave all with thee." But alas! again I waited for the feeling as a witness, and was sure it would come, but it did not come. I was still trusting partly in Christ and partly to feeling. At last I turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud: "My Jesus, I stake my all on John three sixteen. If I never have any feeling and if I am lost, I will quote this promise before thee at the judgment and say, 'I cast my little all upon it and trusted it, but it failed me. It is not my fault; it is thine.'"
I had finally, after years of struggling,come where I trusted wholly "in the word of the Lord." Then suddenly I received a definite assurance and great heart-warming peace and joy. At last the witness of the Spirit was mine. Leaping from the straw stack, I ran to my mother, threw my arms around her neck, and shouted, "Mother, I am fully saved! I am fully saved!"
Up to that time I had not had any teaching concerning an experience of sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning such an experience, except the testimony of the life of Christians who were living it and professing it under another name. There was in the congregation where I worshiped a sweet-faced, white-haired saint whom we called Mother Robinson. She had prayed a drunkard husband into the kingdom, and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of Christian experience, and I want to bear my strongest possible testimony to the power there is in the testimony of a pure, sweet, and kind life.
Now after years of study and hearingthe testimony of many, it is clear to me that during those years as a boy I prayed myself through to the abiding life and what I now believe to be the experience of Scriptural holiness, which, as I understand it, is such a freedom from sin, self-will, and selfishness, and such a passionate love for Jesus, that the heart longs above all things for his approval, companionship, guidance, and blessing, and that gratefully and joyfully gives Jesus "in all things the preeminence."