"We stood on the bridge at midnight."
"We stood on the bridge at midnight."
"Keep your feet off me," I said; "what do you think I am? A door-mat?"
"Let's make up another verse," Wig said.
"Let's put Flimdunk in it!" Pee-wee shouted.
Pretty soon all of us were singing:
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We stood on the bridge at midnight,We stood on the bridge at midnight."
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We stood on the bridge at midnight,We stood on the bridge at midnight."
Then somebody sang:
"We came near getting a bunk,We came near getting a bunk."
"We came near getting a bunk,We came near getting a bunk."
Then we all sang:
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We came near getting a bunk;We came near getting a bunk;We came——"
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We came near getting a bunk;We came near getting a bunk;We came——"
"We flashed them POTS!" Pee-wee yelled.
"Now we're on our way to Flimdunk," Westy said.
So pretty soon this is what we were all singing:
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We came near getting a bunk;We flashed them POTS for an S—O—S,Now we're on our way to Flimdunk."
"We stood on the bridge at midnight,We came near getting a bunk;We flashed them POTS for an S—O—S,Now we're on our way to Flimdunk."
Gee whiz, I have to admit we're a crazy bunch in our patrol.
After a little while, Pee-wee fell asleep, but the rest of us stayed awake, because we wanted to see what kind of a place we were going to stop at.
For about fifteen or twenty minutes the engine pushed us awfully slow, then we stopped, and a couple of men went between our car and the engine and did something to that long iron bar. We watched them from the platform. Then one of the men went through our car to the other platform and the other one stayed on the platform near the engine. Another man started along the track with a lantern.
"The plot grows thicker," I said; "what's going to happen now?"
"Search me," Connie said; "look around and see if you see Flimdunk anywhere—not inside the car, you crazy Indian."
I was looking inside the car for it.
"How could we tell it if we saw it?" Connie asked us.
"Can't you tell a village when you see one? It'll look like a young town," Westy said.
"The fireman didn't say anything about a town anyway," I told them; "he just said Flimdunk Siding."
"Maybe that man is swinging the lantern so the town can get off the track," Wig said; "anyhow, I bet something is going to happen."
It was pitch dark all around, except that the headlight of the locomotive made a long shaft like a searchlight 'way far ahead, and we could see the man walking along the track in that shaft, swinging his lantern. Our car was all bright, too. It seemed awful lonesome where he was going, far ahead in the dark. The locomotive kept goingpfff, pfff, pfff, just like a horse stamping his foot, because he's in a hurry to start. It seemed kind of as if it didn't want to wait.
"Have we come to the siding?" I asked the man on the platform.
"You'll have to take the switch," he said.
"We wouldn't take anything that didn't belong to us," Connie said; "you'll have to give it to us if you want us to take it."
"I don't care so much about having one, anyway," I said. I guess that man thought we were crazy.
"We'll give you the run," he said.
"I wouldn't blame you for doing that if we took the switch," Wig told him. Gee, he had to laugh.
Pretty soon the man who was far ahead began swinging his lantern around in a circle. Then the engine gave a kind of a quick, shrill whistle, and we started again. We went a little faster than before and then, all of a sudden, we saw the engine standing quite a way off, and already the men on our car were turning the hand brakes. Our car was rattling along all by itself. In about half a minute,kerlick, kerlick, it went on a switch and then the men began yanking on the brake handles for all they were worth.
But I knew that old car all right, and its brakes were pretty near as bad as its couplings.
"Oh, merrily, merrily on we roll," Connie began singing.
"What's the matter with this plaguey old boat?" one of the men said, all the while bracing his feet and pulling and pulling on the wheel.
"It likes to go off on a hike by itself," I said; "you should worry. When it stops, it stops."
"Well, it better stop pretty soon," he said, "or else——Here, get hold of this wheel, you kids, and pull."
"Them brakes got about as much bite in 'em as a ki-oodle," the man said; "how old is this old scow? 'Bout a hundred, I guess."
"This old car is all right," I told him; "a scout must have respect for age—page something-or-other-scout handbook. We may be old ourselves some day. What do we care, yo ho?"
He said, "Well, I hope the brakes on your tongue will work better than they do now."
"The pleasure is mine," I told him.
Two of us were pulling away as hard as we could, helping one of the trainmen, two were helping the man on the other platform, and Pee-wee was sleeping peacefully inside with his head on the floor and one of his legs sprawled up over the seat.
As well as I could see, we were rolling merrily along a track that branched away from the main track. I thought that, because I couldn't see the full blaze of the engine's headlight any more, and I knew we were verging away from the railroad.
"Talk about prodigal sons," Westy said; "when this old car gets back home, they ought to kill the fatted calf for it."
"Good night," I told him; "if the fatted calf gets on the track, he'll be killed all right."
"Oh, boys, where do we go from here?" Wig began singing.
But those trainmen didn't seem to think it was much of a joke. All of a sudden, we went rattling through an opening in a fence and I saw a couple of big white things near us.
"They're tents," Westy said.
By now the car was slowing down and pretty soon it stopped right in front of a big dark thing—a kind of a building. If we'd have gone fifty feet more, we'd have bunked our nose right into it.
The trainman said, "That's the craziest old set of brakes I ever saw. You'll have to be contented to stay right here, that's all; twenty-three'll back in after you."
"Contented is our favorite nickname," I told him; "is this Flimdunk, with the fence around it? It's a good idea—the place can't run away. I hope they'll like us."
"Do you think we're intruding?" Westy said.
I guess those trainmen set us down for a lot of idiots. Anyway, they didn't have to tell us so, because we admit it. They said that the brakes were worn off so much that they didn't press hard against the wheels, only sort of gentle, like. They were nice polite brakes.
One of the trainmen said he'd leave us a lantern so we could see to talk; then they went back out through the fence and I could see their lanterns making circles in the dark. Pretty soon we could hear the engine puffing and all of a sudden, it gave a loud, shrill whistle. It sounded as if the train was coming very slowly up toward the switch, but in about a couple of minutes we could hear it rattling along, farther and farther away, and going faster and faster.
"So long, old flyer," Westy called.
I said, "Listen! Listen to the sound it makes—tk-ed, tk-ed, tk——It seems as if it's saying, 'twenty-three for yours,' doesn't it?"
"Skiddo, flyer!" Connie shouted; "anyhow, you were foiled by the Boy Scouts."
That wordfoiledreminded us of Pee-wee, so we went inside and looked at him. I guess the stopping of the car had shaken him up some. Hishead was way underneath the seat, one of his arms was halfway up on the seat and one of his legs was on the movie outfit in the aisle.
It was a sight for a painter. I mean a sign painter.
"What do you say we explore the neighborhood?" Wig said.
"What do you say we put a block in front of the wheels?" I said. "Safety first."
"This seems to be a kind of a walled city, like China," Connie said. "I can see a kind of a shadow. Do you suppose that's the fence going all the way around?"
"Sure it is," I told him; "all we have to do is shut those big gates and the car will never get away. Only China isn't a city, if anybody should ask you."
"What's the difference?" he said. "Nobody's likely to ask me."
"This is a very mysterious place," Westy said; "I, for one, would like to know where we're at." That's just the nice way he talks. It's caused by his bringing up.
I said, "Oh, dear me,I for two, would be delighted to ascertain."
"Where do you think we are?" he said.
"That's easy," I told them; "I know where we are."
"Where are we?" Wig wanted to know.
"We're here," I told him.
"Yes, but what is this?"
"It's a place, that's all I know," Connie piped up.
"Come on, let's wake up the kid," Wig said; "and take a stroll around. It looks to me like a ball field or something like that. Anyway, those are tents over there."
We didn't dare to start out without Pee-wee, so we shook him up and dragged him up and down the aisle and played football with him, and at last he let out a long groan and we knew we had him started.
"Wh-a-a-t—where—am I?" he yawned.
"We were just going to have a game of one o'cat with you," I told him; "wake up, it's twenty years later; the peace treaty has just been signed."
"Who signed it?" he gasped.
"I did," I said; "come on, get up."
If you can once get him on his feet, he usuallystays up. I said, "We're in a land of mystery; we've got Alice in Wonderland tearing her hair from jealousy. I think we're in somebody's back yard."
"Where's the train?" he asked.
"It went down the street to get a soda," I said.
That opened his eyes all right. "Can you get sodas around here?" he shouted.
We got hold of a chunk of wood and blocked one of the car wheels and then started out. We couldn't see very well in the dark, but we made out that the high fence went all the way around a great big flat field. There was a kind of a wide road around near the fence. The tracks ran right up under that building that we had seen ahead of us, into a kind of a tunnel. We saw it was an ice-house, and I guess ice was loaded onto cars there.
The two white things that we had seen were tents and there was a light in one of them, but we didn't go in. There were little buildings around, but they were closed up. There was a kind of a big platform with a railing around it. In another place there was a long shed full of cows. There were kind of things like mess boards all around, only some of them were too high for mess boards.
"I give it up," I said
"It's a cross between a barn-yard and a picnic ground," Connie said.
Westy said, "I think it's an aviation field."
"Sure," I told him; "how stupid of me. And the cows are aviators."
"What do you say we follow the fence around?" Westy said.
"What do you say we don't?" I said. "Come on, let's go back and I'll cook some fritters and then we'll get our suits off and have a good sleep, and to-morrow we'll see what we see."
We were all pretty sleepy, so we decided to do that. If we had taken a little hike all the way around near the fence, the terrible thing that I am going to tell you about now, would never have happened. You had better get ready for it, because it's one of the most terrible things that I ever told. When you hear about it, you'll turn cold and your hair will stand up. Even now whenever I think about it, I just shake. That's the word—shake.
Yah, hah! You thought I was going to tell it in this chapter, didn't you?
Now it was so dark that we had some trouble finding our car, and before we got to it, we passed a funny kind of a little shack with a high porch in front. It didn't look exactly like a place to live in—gee, I couldn't tell you exactly what it did look like. But anyway, it was all closed up. As we passed it, we heard voices inside, but we were too sleepy and hungry to pay any attention.
All of a sudden our young hero paused and,youknow, stood riveted to the spot where he stood. Anyway, if he wasn't riveted he was nailed down.
"Listen! Hark!" he said.
"We're harking," I said; "what is it?"
"Shh-h," he whispered and held his hand to his ear.
"What's the matter; have you got an earache?" Connie asked him.
"Break it to us gently," I said; "let us hear the worst."
"Shhh, listen!" he said. "Somebody's being killed."
"How tragic!" Wig said.
"It isn't tragic at all," Pee-wee said; "listen——it's true."
"Have it your own way," I told him.
"In that little house," he whispered, all the while going back on tiptoe; "hark—shh."
We all followed him back, giggling, because we had been through things like this before with our boy hero. Believe me, Dauntless Dan of the Dauntless Dan Series has nothing on Scout Harris. In front of the little shack we all stood stark still, listening.
"Do you hear it?" Pee-wee whispered. "It's a bitter struggle."
The first sound thatInoticed was a sound as if a chair was falling over. Then I heard a man's voice say, "I'll choke you till you tell me. Are you ready to speak?" Then another voice said, "Never!"
Pee-wee said, "Shh, what did I tell you?"
We were all pretty interested by that time. Pretty soon a kind of a high, squeaky voice said,"Do you think I'm afraid of you—you big——" Then it seemed as if the voice was just kind of choked off, because there were stifled cries, sort of, and all the while a gruff voice saying, "Are you ready to take that back? This is your last chance—I'll teach you——" And all the while that other voice kept crying and yelling, and it seemed just as if the person must be struggling.
"It's a child," Westy said, all excited.
"He's strangling it to death," Pee-wee whispered, so scared and excited, that his voice was hoarse. And just then we could hear a long kind of a gurgle and a man's voice saying, "I'll teach you! I'll teach you!" And then the two voices seemed to be mixed up together.
"Wait here," Pee-wee said, and off he started, pell-mell for the tent where there was a light inside.
In ten seconds he was back with a couple of men, and shouting, "In that shack! In that shack! A man is murdering somebody in that shack! Hurry up!"
By that time we were all pretty scared, I guess. The two men vaulted up on to the platform and pushed the door open and we stood outside looking up over the edge of the platform. Allof a sudden Westy said, "What—do—you—know——"
That was all he could say. He just vaulted up himself with the rest of us after him. And there we all stood in the doorway, only Pee-wee pushed his way inside.
Jiminetty!I almost fell in a fit, I laughed so hard. "Save me," I said to Westy, "before I fall off the platform."
But Westy was laughing too hard to save anybody.
Right there in front of us in a little room, there was a man in his shirt sleeves sitting on the side of a kind of a sleeping bunk. Sitting on one of his knees was one of those big funny-looking dolls with a black face and a big, square mouth that works by a hinge. The doll was straddling the man's knee and one of its legs was dangling down on either side.
"What's the big idea?" the man said.
Both of the other men were laughing so hard, they couldn't speak, but one of them pointed at Pee-wee. Our young hero just stood there, panting, all out of breath, and gaping like an idiot.
"I—I—eh—I didn't know you were a ven—aven——-" he blurted out. "I thought you were murdering somebody—I—I did."
The man just looked at him and smiled; then he began to laugh. He said, "I consider that a compliment, my young friend; you're welcome. Sam, tell the young gentleman he is welcome."
The big fancy doll said, "You're welcome." And, gee whiz, it sounded just as if it came out of his own throat. Pee-wee just stood there staring at Sam, and Sam sat there on the ventriloquist's lap, staring very bold at Pee-wee.
"Tell the young gentleman we were having a rehearsal," the man said; and Sam said, "We were having a rehearsal."
Pee-wee just stood there not saying a word, and gaping at Sam and at the man. All of a sudden we heard a cat meowing right near.
"Look out, you're stepping on the cat," the man said to Pee-wee. Pee-wee moved his feet as if he were in a trance and looked down.
But there wasn't any cat at all.
Gee, that man was a wonder.
That man's name was Pedro De Vail, and he was French, only he was born in Hoboken. He was the greatest ventriloquist in the whole world. He said so, and gee whiz, he ought to know. Westy said that when he said anything, it counted for a whole lot, because he could say it in half a dozen different voices. But, oh, boy, Pee-wee lost his voice entirely. Anyway, Mr. Pedro said it didn't make any difference, because he had a lot of voices to spare. I guess he kind of liked Pee-wee.
As long as we were there we made him a call, and I guess he'd be pretty good at stalking, because he could imitate all the animals and birds, and he could make you think he was sawing wood. He said that the place where we were was the Fair Grounds, and that the next day the Firemen's Carnival was going to start there. He said it was going to last three days. He said he always went to County Fairs and Carnivals andthings like that. He told us that Flimdunk was about a couple of miles away.
We told him all about our adventures and about the Brewster's Centre car. I said, "As long as we're here, I'm glad of it, because we can take in the Carnival. I hope that train twenty-three doesn't come until late to-morrow; I hope it doesn't come until to-morrow night. Better late than sooner."
He said, "Well, there are going to be big doings to-morrow—races, balloon ascension, murders and everything like that. But I'm afraid you boys are going to be disappointed. There's a train comes through here about four or five in the morning, going east. I think that'll be the one to pick you up."
We went back to our car feeling pretty glum about it. Jiminies, you couldn't blame us. What was the good of being left at a carnival in the middle of the night and taken away again before daylight? That's one thing I don't like about railroads; they do just as they please. They push you and pull you around and take you away again before you want to go.
"Why can't they let us spend Columbus Day here?" Westy wanted to know.
"When did the brakeman say it would come?" Connie asked.
"Hanged ifIremember," I said; "but I knew how it would be when I heard that the train would be Number Twenty-three. I'll never trust that number."
"And races and everything, too," Wig said.
"Sure, and a balloon ascension," Connie began grouching.
"Maybe he's mistaken," I said; "we've had pretty good fun, anyway."
"You call it fun, starting away just when the fun is going to begin?" Pee-wee piped up.
I guess we didn't know what to think or what to expect. Anyway, I knew that the train that had left us there would telegraph to some place or other about us, that was all I knew. When another train stopped for us, we'd just have to go.
"Anyway, let's have something to eat and turn in," I said; "we'll just have to trust to luck."
One sure thing, we all felt pretty bad, because the next day was a holiday and there'd be lots of fun at that Carnival. I made some rice cakes and then we fixed the seats and turned in.
I don't know how long I had been asleep, but what made me wake up was the whistle of a locomotive. Westy woke up, too, and we both listened.
"It's coming," he said.
"The game is up," I told him.
Pretty soon we were all awake, listening. The train was backing down along the branch track and coming nearer and nearer to us. We could hear the engine puffing, and the sound of wheels goingker-lick,ker-lick, as the train backed in very slowly. Gee whiz, I was feeling sore.
"Come on out on the platform," Westy said.
"This railroad makes me sick," Connie grouched.
"Why couldn't they wait until to-morrow night?" Wig wanted to know. "I thought we were going to have a good day's fun."
Out on the platform all we saw was a man sitting on the railing in the dark.
"Where's the pesky old train, anyway?" I said.
"Train?" the man said; "what train?"
Then he just reached forward and ruffled up our young hero's hair.
I was all flabbergasted. "Mr.Pedro!" I just blurted out.
"I thought I'd pay you back, that's all," he said.
Oh, boy, couldn't that man imitate a train!
When we went out in the morning the surprise was mutual. Gee, it wasespeciallymutual. There was a crowd outside the car, staring up at it. It must have looked funny standing there with BREWSTER'S CENTRE sprawled all over it. There were all kinds of people in that crowd. One of them was a woman who was a fortune teller. She had on a dress with all spangles on it. Her name was Princess Mysteria. I wanted to ask her when the train would come for us and if we'd have any more adventures, but Westy wouldn't let me, because it cost twenty-five cents. He said he'd rather spend the twenty-five cents for licorice jaw-breakers and then we'dknowwhat was happening to us. Gee whiz, you don't need any fortune teller after eating licorice jaw-breakers.
All around in that place men were opening booths and putting up tents and getting countersready, so they could sell peanuts and lemonade and ice-cream cones and canes and fancy glass jars and other things to eat and drink—not canes and glass jars. There was a merry-go-round, too, and it had an organ that playedWe're on our way.
"Jiminies," Westy said; "I don't know where anyone would expect to get to, riding on a merry-go-round."
Pretty soon a man came up to us and asked us how we got there. I guess he was one of the head men of the Carnival.
I said, "Isn't this Flimdunk Siding? We're supposed to stay here until a train picks us up."
He said, "Yes, but this car has no business inside the fence; this is the old ice-house freight siding. They should have left you standing out near the main line."
I said, "Yes, but this car has something to say about it, too, and it wouldn't stop, so here we are. Don't blame us, blame the car. That's the way it is with railroads, they don't care about anybody's rights."
"That ain't the main entrance you came through," he said; "that gate was open so stuff could be brought in on the freight cars."
"It's all the same to us," I told him; "we're here, because we're here."
He said, "Well, you'll have to pay your admission or be put out."
Connie said, "How are you going to put this car out? If you once get it started it may roll all the way back onto the main track and we'll die a horrible death."
"Yes, and then you'll be sorry," Pee-wee said.
The man said, "Well, this car hasn't got any right on the grounds, that's all."
I said, "Mister, I don't know what we can do, unless we get a couple of those elephants from the merry-go-round to drag it away."
Pretty soon two other men came along and they all stood there talking about what they had better do, and we sat on the steps of the platform, listening to them.
"You seem to be live wires, leastways," one of them said.
"Sure," I told him; "we were struck by lightning when we were kids."
Then they whispered together for about a minute and after that the man who seemed to be a head man said, "Well, as long as the car's here, we'll let it stay here and you youngsters can scamper about and enjoy yourselves. 'Long as the car's standing idle, we'll use it for a concession booth."
They went away talking about it and we started asking each other what they meant, because we were beginning to get a little scared, sort of. We didn't want to give up our car. Pretty soon Mr. Pedro came along and we told him all about it.
He said he was on our side. This is just what he said; he said, "These people are a crew of bandits. Do you know how much I'm paying for that little shanty? Fifty dollars for the three days. Do you know how much the Princess is handing over for the space where she has her little tent? Seventy dollars, cold cash. She says if she'd known it would be anything like that, she'd never have come."
Westy said, "I should think she would have known it, on account of being a fortune teller."
"What they're going to do," he said, "is to turn this car over to that Punch and Judy man and he'll run an indoor show and whack up with them on a fifty per cent basis. Look atme? I have to give an outside show and pass the hat. You're in a robbers' den here, boys; they're all profiteers. You take a tip from me and stand on your rights."
"Sure," I said, "and we'll stand on our car platform, too."
He said, "These fellows know your couplings are in bad shape and will have to be fixed before you're taken away. They know you'll be here all day at the shortest. Why, they're getting twenty cents for a glass of milk down yonder—it's awful. These people will corner the United States currency before the day's over."
Westy said, "But anyway, this car has no right here, we have to admit that."
Mr. Pedro said, "Well, that's a fine legal question and I don't know what the Supreme Court would say about it. As you said, you're here, because you're here. I think that's a pretty strong argument."
"I invented it," Pee-wee shouted.
Mr. Pedro said, "The car has no right here, but you have a right in the car; you're part of the car, see? They can put the car off the grounds (if they know how), but they can't put you out of the car. You can stay in your car and do anything you please in your car, and nobody can stop you. If they start the car they'll have to take the consequences."
"That's what you call technology," Pee-wee shouted; "it's a teckinality.[C]What do you say we give a movie show?"
"Me for some breakfast," I said.
We wrote a couple of notices on pages out of my field book and fixed them on the doors of the car. They said:
"This car is the property of the First Bridgeboro, N. J., Troop B. S. A."Trespassing forbidden."
"This car is the property of the First Bridgeboro, N. J., Troop B. S. A.
"Trespassing forbidden."
Mr. Pedro came over and told us that if anybody went in that car while we were gone, he'd call up a lawyer in Flimdunk.
As long as we didn't have much left to eat we went over to a shack and got some coffee and doughnuts.Good night!The coffee was twenty cents a cup, and the doughnuts were ten cents each. Then we had a ride on the merry-go-round, and after that we had some ice-cream cones. Those cones were fifteen cents each and even the ice cream didn't go down into the cone, like in Bennett's at home.
Westy said, "The biggest part of those doughnuts were the holes in them."
"Sure," I told him; "the price of holes has gone up; it's simply terrible the high price of emptiness."
Wig said, "I was always crazy to see a robbers' cave and now I see one."
We went out through the main entrance, because we wanted to go to Flimdunk and send telegrams to our homes, so our mothers and fathers wouldn't worry.
"It's only a couple of miles," Westy said.
"There's one funny thing about riding on a merry-go-round," Connie started in; "no matter how long a ride you take, you never have to come back."
"That's because you're already back," I told him.
He said, "Yes, but yougo, don't you?"
"Sure you do," Pee-wee said.
"Then how do you get back without coming back?" Connie shot at him.
"That's technology," I said.
"You make me tired," Pee-wee screamed; "suppose all the time you're going you're coming back, too? Let's see you answer that."
"Oh, that's different," Wig said.
"Just the same as when our young hero flies up in the air," I told them.
"And foils a murderer," Connie said; "tell him he's a cute little boy scout, Sam."
"Do you know what I'd do if I had my way?" Pee-wee shouted.
"How many guesses do we have?" I asked him.
"I'd foil those profiteers, that's what I'd do," he said. "Fifteen cents for a cone! I can get three cones for that."
"And still you wouldn't be satisfied," Westy told him.
"Well, if I had your way with me, I'd give it to you," I told him; "but I left it home on the piano."
"Did you hear what that doughnut-man was saying about overhead expenses?" the kid shouted. "I looked up, but I didn't see any. There wasn't even a roof."
Laugh! I thought I'd fall in a fit.
"You can bet I know an overhead expense when I see one," he said, all the while trudging along the road, "and there wasn't any there."
"Overhead expenses are inside," Westy said; "they're the expenses of running a business. It might be the price of a carpet for the floor, see?"
"All you need is a pair of white duck trousers and your diploma with a pink ribbon around it," I told him. "Who in the world taught you all that? You must be studying accountancy."
"A whatancy?" Connie asked.
"That shows how crazy you are," Pee-wee yelled; "how can a carpet that you walk on be overhead? Tell me that!"
"That's easy," I told him; "isn't the roof underfoot? You stand on the roof and it's underfoot. Your overhead expenses may be down in the cellar. Just the same as a scout can do a good turn while he's walking straight ahead. Deny it if you dare?"
"You're crazy," Pee-wee fairly screamed.
"I admit it," I told him.
After we had walked a little way, Westy said, "Just the same, Pee-wee's right, the same as he usually isn't. It would be a good stunt for us to foil those profiteers."
"Only we haven't got any tinfoil," I said.
"Shut up, you're the worst of the lot!" Pee-wee yelled at me. "We've got eighteen dollars left from the movie show, haven't we? I say let's buy some flour and sugar and eggs and cinnamonand ink and glue and make tenderflops andfoilthe profiteers; that's whatIsay!"
I said, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd like to know how you're going to use ink and glue making tenderflops. They'd be kind of sticky, wouldn't they?"
"Sure," Westy said, "and they'd be a kind of a blackish white, using ink."
"He means fountain-pen ink," Connie said, "that's more digestible, it's thinner."
"You're crazy!" the kid yelled. "Wouldn't we have to make signs and glue them up? You can't print with cinnamon or flour, can you? I say let's get all the stuff we need and have Roy make tenderflops and I'll stand on top of the car and shout that they're all smoking hot, and for everybody to be sure to get them for they're only the small sum of two for a cent. I just happened to think of it," he said, "it's an insulation."
"You mean inspiration," Westy said.
"You know what I mean," Pee-wee hollered.
"Suppose you should flop off the top of the car?" I asked him, because there's no telling what may happen when Pee-wee gets to shouting.
"We'd charge extra for that," Connie said.
FOOTNOTE:
[C]Technicality is probably what was meant.
[C]Technicality is probably what was meant.
Now I'll tell you about tenderflops, because I'm the only one that goes to Temple Camp who knows how to make them. I guess you know what a tenderfoot is; it's a new scout. He's supposed to be tender, see? So a tenderflop is a flip-flop that's named after a tenderfoot, because it's supposed to be tender. There are no such things as tough scouts, so of course, there can't be any such things as tough tenderflops. That's what you call logic.
Now the way that you make tenderflops is with flour and salt and water and cinnamon. You can use eggs if you want to, but you don't have to. Once I tried peanut butter in them, but they weren't much good. If you put a little maple syrup in, that makes them sweet. Once I made some at home when Charlie Danforth was there and I put wintergreen in, and my sister Marjorie said that was the reason he never came any more. Cinnamon is better; safety first.
Now the way I usually do is, just when they're frying and beginning to get kind of nice and toasted, sort of, I press my scout badge down on them and that makes a kind of a trade mark on them. It says BE PREPARED. That's our motto. It doesn't mean anything about the tenderflops.
In about an hour, back we came along the road with a big bag of flour and a bag of salt and a couple of big jugs of maple syrup and some cinnamon. We had on scout smiles, too.
"Down with profiteering," Connie shouted.
"Pee-wee forever!" I said. "Hurrah, for Hoover, Junior! Food will kill the profiteers, don't taste it—I mean waste it."
We had to pay admission fees to get in, but what didwecare? We knew the government was on our side, because wasn't the government arresting profiteers?
Believe me, we had some triumphal march across the grounds to our car. I had a bag of flour over my shoulder and my jacket was all white and my face, too. I guess I looked like a clown. I should worry. The cinnamon made the smallest bundle, but we had Westy carry it, because Pee-wee likes cinnamon. Safety first. We had Pee-wee carry the glue, because if he ate that, it would only stick his mouth shut. Believeme, we were some parade.
There were a lot of automobiles parked outside the grounds by that time, and the place was filled with people. The animals on the merry-go-round were running away as fast as they could, and girls were screaming for fear they'd fall off—you know how they always do. There were men shouting for people to come and see their shows for a dime, ten cents, and there were shooting galleries and everything. Sandwiches were thirty cents and the bread on them was stale, because Wig bought one. There was a brass band playing, too.
A lot of people were looking up at our car; I guess they were wondering about it; and just as we were pushing through the crowd, a couple of the head men came down off the platform and one of them said:
"What are you going to do with all that stuff, you boys?"
Westy said, "We're going to make cakes and sell them. We're going to do it inside the car."
We all just laid down our bundles and stood around, kind of scared and disappointed. Butanyway, the people who were standing around saw that we were scouts, and most all of them were smiling at us.
The man said, "Well, I guess you've got another guess. You just pack that stuff in there, and go about your business if you don't want to get into a heap of trouble. We'll look after this car."
I guess Westy was kind of flabbergasted, so I spoke up and said, "We've got a right inside of our own car. We've got a right to cook in there if we want to. What harm does that do? Haven't we got a right to try to reduce the cost of living? If you want to start this car going, go ahead and do it, but I tell you beforehand that the brakes don't work. And you can keep off of our car, too."
The man said I was an impudent little some-thing-or-other, and he was just starting to pick up the bag of flour when, good night, all of a sudden a little man stepped out from the crowd. All I noticed about him was that he had a cigar in his mouth and his hat was kind of on the side. But, oh, boy, I heard his voice good and plain.
He said, "Look here,you. What's all thistrouble about? You mustn't think you can browbeat these boys, because youcan't. See? I'm telling you the law and you can take it or leave it just as you like. If you've got any kick, go to the railroad. If you're not satisfied to wait until this car goes away, start it going. You stand between those two tracks or on the platform of that car, and you're on the property of the United States Railroad Administration. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you that. It's you that happens to be here, not these boys. Here's a crowd of people being fleeced—eating sandwiches that aren't fit to throw to a dog and drinking red lemonade that would die of shock if it saw a lemon. Twenty cents for a cup of coffee that they ought to pay me a dollar for drinking! Now you boys just climb aboard and let's see what you can do. You've got the American people in back of you. I've heard about you scouts; now let's see what you can do. Get aboard and get busy. You're here, because you're here——"
"That's just what we said," Pee-wee shouted.
"All right," the man said; "climb up and I'll take care of the legal end of it. I'm for the Boy Scouts to the last ditch. I once tried a case just like this. Let 'em talk to the car. Climb up andsee what you can. I don't believe you know how to boil water!"
He just sat down on the lowest step of the platform and stuck his hat on the side of his head awfully funny, and lighted his cigar. Everybody began laughing. The people were all on our side, that's one sure thing, anyway.
"He's right," Pee-wee whispered to me; "that's a good argument. Because if a thing is somewhere where it shouldn't be, if it isn't there on purpose, why then if somebody gets into it that doesn't belong on that place, but belongs in it, he's trespassing just as much, because anyway, if he took it away it wouldn't be there. See?"
"Absolutely, positively," I told him. "It'sas clear as mud."
"Reduce it to a common denominator," Westy said. That fellow is always thinking about school.
"We should bother our heads," I said. "Here we are; even the Supreme Court couldn't deny that."
"They don't have to deny it, we admit it," Connie said.
"We'll stand on our rights!" Pee-wee shouted. "We'll stand on our he——"