CHAPTER XXXVWE END OUR HIKE
That was the long way around to Temple Camp, but we couldn’t help it, because we had to follow the road.
“That’s better than following a crazy leader,” Pee-wee said.
Mr. Warren said, “The last turn is a good turn.”
“Every kind of a turn is a good one,” Hervey called back.
“They’re all better than each other, only some are more so,” I said. “We’ll take you on some hikes all right. That’s one things I like about Columbus, Ohio, he didn’t turn back, not till he saw the Statue of Liberty.”
“Columbus saw the Statue of Liberty?”Pee-wee screamed.
“Listen to the mocking bird,” I said. “I never said he saw the Statue of Liberty; I said he didn’t turn back till he saw it, and he never turned back, did he? That shows how much you know about botany.”
“Jolly him some more,” one of those Columbus scouts said, kind of bashful like.
“I can’t now,” I told him, “we’re coming to Stillman’s Hollow and we have to be very still there because the natives are all asleep. We have to go on tiptoe through the village. Shh!”
So then Hervey started going on tiptoe, holding one finger up to his mouth, awful funny. All of those Columbus scouts did the same and their scoutmaster laughed, but just the same he seemed kind of thoughtful like. I guess he wasn’t sure how the management at camp would take it about his coming back, but it didn’t bother us any, because we were bringing a shack back for that troop, and anyway we have Uncle jeb (he’s camp manager) eating out of our hands. Whatever we say at Temple Campgoes. I don’t say where it goes to, but itgoes.
We tiptoed through Main Street in Stillman’s Hollow and some summer boarders stared at us and laughed and a lot of people on the porch of the post office laughed. I guess we must have looked pretty funny.
Pretty soon we came to the end of the village and Hervey said, “All right, you can all talk at once now.”
“I’ll all talk at once first,” Pee-wee piped up; “I’ve got something to say.”
“Begin at the end, then you won’t have so far to go,” I said.
“Let’s dump the garage down near the road,” he said, “then it’ll be away from the main part of camp all by itself; it’ll be kind of like an outpost.”
“That would suit us to a T,” Mr. Warren said.
“I thought of it,” Pee-wee shouted. “Then we can come up there and visit you. I’ll be up every day.”
“Have a heart,” I said. “Do you call that a good turn?”
Mr. Warren said, “If they’re kind enough to let us stay and camp in this odd little house you may be sure the funny-bone hikers will always be welcome.”
“You bet they will,” two or three of those fellows chimed in.
“Set us down anywhere you choose,” Mr. Warren said.
Hervey said, “You don’t have to spend much time in your shack. The Catskill Mountains are big enough for anybody.”
“Except you,” I said. “If you follow him,” I told those fellows, “you’ll land on the island of Yap.”
Hervey didn’t say anything, he just started singing, and going zigzag in the road; I guess maybe he was trying to make the horses do that, too. He sang the whole song, and before he was finished every fellow there was singing and imitating all his motions.
Gee whiz, I can just see him now, the way he reached up and grabbed branches and hopped on the stones and threw his hat up in the air and swung it on a stick and walked lame and with his eyes shut, never looking back at all just as if he didn’t care whether we were there or not. Reckless, kind of; you know how he is.
And even now when I’m home in Bridgeboro, whenever I get to humming that song I think of Hervey Willetts. Even my sister Marjorie hums it and Margaret Ellison caught it from her and her sister caught it from her and if it ever gets into the school,good night, they’ll have to close it up.
If you once get those crazy verses in your head, goodby to history and geography, and physics and arithmetic. But I don’t know, kind of it doesn’t seem natural except when Hervey Willetts sings them. I don’t know where he ever got them nor all the other crazy stuff he knows.
There’s only one Temple Camp and there’s only one Hervey Willetts.
CHAPTER XXXVIWE DEMOBILIZE
I guess I don’t have to tell you that it was all right about bringing those scouts back and a shack for them to bunk in. Uncle Jeb said he was only thankful that Hervey didn’t bring back the West Shore trains and the drawbridge. He said he was thankful Hervey came back at all.
When he heard that all Hervey brought back was a new troop and a portable garage and all the rest of us safe and sound including the animated Animal Cracker, he said, “That thar kid is losing his pep, he daon’t seem ter hev no gumption no more.” Because usually Hervey brings back tramps and organ-grinders and all people like that. Once he brought back a fat man from a circus. So gee whiz, a portable garage was nothing for him.
Now I’ll tell you what we did. We put that portable garage on the edge of camp, away up near the road. And we sold lemonade and scout tenderflops to auto parties until we made enough money to pay Mr. Goobenhoff. He said he wasn’t in a hurry and he’d trust us. And that’s where those Columbus scouts spent the rest of the summer and that’s better than Bear Mountain, I don’t care if all the bears hear me say so.
And one good thing, Pee-wee was up there most of the time so we had some peace down at camp, but we could often hear his voice.
The trustees wanted us to call the garage Good Turn Cabin, but we wouldn’t do it because we wanted to call it Funny-bone Shack. And it’s our shack, it belongs to the outlaws, or the vagabonds, or the funny-bone hikers, or whatever you want to call us—we don’t care. And every summer we let some poor troop go up there and stay in it. And it’s all on account of that crazy song.
So now I’m going to bed, because I’m going to play tennis to-morrow and I’ve got to mow the lawn early in the morning, because my sister’s going to have a lawn party in the afternoon and she’s going to have icing cake and I’m going to be there.
Now when you finish reading all this crazy stuff if it makes you so you can’t get to sleep and you keep lying awake, just begin saying to yourself:
Don’t ask where you’re headed for nobody knows,Just keep your eyes open and follow your nose;Be careful, don’t trip and go stubbing your toes,But follow your leader wherever he goes.Don’t start to go back if it freezes or snows,Don’t weaken or flunk or suggest or oppose;Your job is to follow and not to suppose,And follow your leader wherever he goes.Don’t quit or complain at the stunts that he shows,Don’t ask to go home if it rains or it blows;Don’t start to ask questions, or hint, or propose,But follow your leader wherever he goes!
Don’t ask where you’re headed for nobody knows,Just keep your eyes open and follow your nose;Be careful, don’t trip and go stubbing your toes,But follow your leader wherever he goes.Don’t start to go back if it freezes or snows,Don’t weaken or flunk or suggest or oppose;Your job is to follow and not to suppose,And follow your leader wherever he goes.Don’t quit or complain at the stunts that he shows,Don’t ask to go home if it rains or it blows;Don’t start to ask questions, or hint, or propose,But follow your leader wherever he goes!
Don’t ask where you’re headed for nobody knows,
Just keep your eyes open and follow your nose;
Be careful, don’t trip and go stubbing your toes,
But follow your leader wherever he goes.
Don’t start to go back if it freezes or snows,
Don’t weaken or flunk or suggest or oppose;
Your job is to follow and not to suppose,
And follow your leader wherever he goes.
Don’t quit or complain at the stunts that he shows,
Don’t ask to go home if it rains or it blows;
Don’t start to ask questions, or hint, or propose,
But follow your leader wherever he goes!
And the first thing you know you’ll wake up and find yourself fast asleep and you can thank Hervey Willetts.
CHAPTER THE LAST
Now as long as that hike was so crazy, on account of us all being crazy, we decided that it was best to call our remodeled garage the “Good Turn Cabin.”
In about four hours and forty-two minutes, those Columbus scouts were almost as crazy as we were, or rather are.
“Say, fellows, let’s go over to the ‘Good Turn,’ and show the boys this wild country!” said I.
“Suits me,” said Hervey.
“Let’s serenade them,” said Pee-wee.
“Sere what?” asked Westy.
“Oh you know what I mean,” said Pee-wee.
“Is it a new kind of drink?” asked Warde.
By this time we had almost reached the campus of the “Good Turn.”
I said, “Hello, there, everybody happy?”
“I’ll say so,” said a chorus of voices.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said I, “we’re here——”
“Because we’re here,” finished the Columbus scouts.
“Right,” said I. “We’re here because we’re here, but that’s not all. Pee-wee wants to give you some serenade, or something like that.”
“What kind of ade?” asked one of the boys. “If it’s something like lemonade, you’re welcome.”
“You think you’re so smart,” said Pee-wee.
“Are you going to stand here like a couple of dunces, or are we going to show these boys what we know about this part of the mountains?”
“Pee-wee’s right,” said Warde. “Roy, do your bit.”
“Ahemm,” began I. “I have come, attended by my bodyguard, or faithful followers, to find out whether or not we may have the pleasure of your company at dinner to-day, we——”
“Oh shut up,” said Pee-wee. “Gee, you haven’t any brains at all.I’lltell them. We want to take you boys around and show you the woods and the lake, an’ I know where there’s a peachy bird’s nest; I’ll show it to you,” said the good-natured little fellow.
“Pee-wee’s right,” said I.
“I’m sure we’d love to come, but some of the fellows are gone to the post office, so that leaves just a few of us left,” said one of the boys.
“Butwe’d, be delighted to come,” someone said.
It happened that this fellow came from Maine. That made him a special friend of Hervey and me, because he’s a Maniac.
“All right, let’s go,” said I. And we did go.
“This is the place where we trailed that convict, isn’t it?” asked Westy.
“Wait till you see my little nest,” said Pee-wee.
“Your which?” asked the Maniac.
“Shh, we’re near it now,” said Pee-wee.
“Boys, hold your breath, don’t breathe or talk, we are now about to enter the land of mystery,” said I.
“There it is, in that bush that comes down low like. Don’t touch it though,” said Pee-wee.
“We wouldn’t harm a hair on its little head,” said the Maniac.
“That’s nothing,” said I. “Let me show you where the daisies grow.Thenyou’ll see something nice.”
“Are you going to take us to the land of nod?” the Maniac asked.
“Oh, you’re going to do more than nod,” I promised. “Wait ’til you get there! Justwait.”
“Let’s go up the hill,” suggested Westy.
“By the old haunted farm house?” asked Warde.
“Nothing doing,” said the Maniac. “I’m scared of such places. If you promise to take me by the hand and shield me from all danger, I might think it over. Otherwise, I’ll go home and finish my knitting!”
“We promise,” said Westy.
Now I’ll tell you all about this haunted farm, so that you won’t be frightened. In the first place, it’s not haunted at all. That isIdon’t think so, but the people that lived theredidthink so, ’cause they moved out and left the farm just as it was. (When I get married I’m coming up here and start farming, there’s enough tools and things.)
“Gee, you can have lots of fun here,” said Pee-wee. “I like the apple trees and the big swing. You can see way over Overlook Mountain and Black Lake when you’re eating an apple.”
“What? Do you mean to tell me they have magic apples up here? That’s some record,” said the Maniac. “I know you can see stars, when you’re hit over the head or something like it, but seeing mountains and lakes when you’re eating an apple, beats anything I’veeverheard.”
Westy said, “Didn’t you hear Roy say we’re about to enter the land of mystery? You should listen.”
“Sure,” I said, “if you eat enough apples you can look right through the Woolworth Building.”
“Swingin’ of course, oh you fellows know what I mean——” began poor Pee-wee.
“Sure we do,” said the Maniac. “You mean if you take an apple and a cup of hot water before retiring, you’ll never get a puncture.”
I wish you could have seen that yard. It was a dandy place for a picnic. The grass was so soft and green. Gee, it was a dandy farm.
“How can anyone ever accuse this place of being haunted?” asked the Maniac. “I think it’s a picture.”
“Let’s go up to the hay loft,” said Pee-wee. “I can see lots of hay through this big door.”
“Be careful, that’s all I’ve got to say,” said Westy.
“I suppose it’s all right for us to climb up, we’re not hurting anything, or breaking anything, what do you think, Roy?” asked Warde.
“I think it’s all right, we’re just having some fun, or honest pleasure, (oh what’s that saying again?) and I don’t think anyone’s mean enough to begrudge us our fun.”
“You’ve got a good line, Roy,” said Warde.
“Come on, we’re going to invade this barn, with you as our gallant leader,” said the Maniac.
“Who, me?” said I. “Let Pee-wee lead us. Why to-morrow the whole town will know about the brave scouts; when Mr. Oltiemer reads his paper, he will know how the brave scouts, or rather how the charge of the light brigade swept the country side, how it invaded the poor old defenseless barn, with brigadier-general Harris leading his brave regiment through all sorts of falls and somersaults!”
I wish you could of seen that kid. There he was, at the top of the ladder, ready to climb over to the loft, whengood night, he stumbled.
“Going down, Pee-wee?” asked the Maniac.
“No stops ’til we reach the ground floor!” said Warde.
And with a soft thud, Pee-wee landed on the bottom of the barn, hay and straw fairly sprouting from him. He was a picture no artist could paint.
“Ooohh,” was about the only answer we could get from him.
“Why, Walter, don’t you know how to eat straw and hay?” asked one of the Columbus scouts.
“Ooohh,” Pee-wee said once more. “Why don’t you fellows try it? It’s great. Only it’s not so very great when your mouth is full of it and you can’t talk.”
“All rightie,” said I. “We’ll try anything once, we’re brave, we can face the ‘Perils of Pauline’ without flinching or moving a muscle of our mouths.”
“We ought to leave that up to Pee-wee. He can handle that situation better than any of us,” said Warde.
“Thank goodness we’re not on a funny-bone hike now,” said Westy. “Falling down hay lofts won’t even count as adventures, will they, Hervey?”
“Follow your leader, wherever he goes,” replied Hervey.
“Don’t, please have pity, if you start those verses again, we’ll all get crazy again,” said I.
“That’s all right,” said the Maniac, “if it wasn’t for those verses, we wouldn’t be here to-day. I’ll stand up for those verses whenever I get a chance, so there.”
“Let’s climb the apple tree,” said Pee-wee.
“Do you want to eat again?” asked Warde.
“Yes, let’s go over there,” said the Maniac. “I want to see Broadway. You’re all right, Pee-wee, your eyes should be called an academy, because there are pupils there.”
“Say you’re pretty good for a new one, when you get back to Maine, you’ll go back as bad almost as Roy Blakeley,” said Pee-wee.
“Ah, you have given me hope, that I may be so clever!” said the Maniac.
“Clever?” said Pee-wee scornfully.
“Hey, you fellows, come on over and see what I have found.”
“What is it?” someone asked.
“That’s the joke,whatis it?” I answered.
“It’s an old use to be buggy,” said Hervey.
“I should think it is buggy,” said I.
“Gee, we ought to have some fun with it,” said Westy.
“Let’s take it up to the hill, in back of the barn and ride down in it,” suggested Hervey.
“No sooner said than stung,” said I.
“Just make believe we didn’t have fun rolling up the hill with a use to be buggy, that was very buggy!”
“Roy, grab hold of this end,” said Hervey. “We’ll soon have her in high!”
I said, “Say, Hervey, would you like to steer this buggy buggy?”
“We didn’t have quite enough thrills on our hike,” said Warde, “so please take the wheel and let’s have it over with.”
“Wheel? Just try and find a wheel,” said Hervey. “You’d stand a better chance of taking the reins.”
“Taking the reins? I should worry as long as the rains don’t take us!” said I.
“Will you stop your fooling, Roy,” asked Warde, “and get started?”
It’s really a shame how they pick on poor little me.
Well, we finally got the thing all set ready to go.
“Say, Roy, we ought to have a speech in honor of the first ride with the Boy Scouts!” said the Maniac.
“Speech, speech,” cried several boys.
“Let’s sere—I mean christen it,” said Pee-wee.
“Yes,” said Hervey, “we must do this thing right and spare no expenses.”
“K. O.,” said I. “Here, cutie, run to the pump and fill up this bottle with the best sparkling water there is; spare no expenses, as Hervey said.”
The poor bottle did the best it could, with a certain amount of pensive resignation, for it had undoubtedly seen better days.
“Let’s do it in a different way. Let’s all get in and just as soon as Roy is finished with the toast, (at which Pee-wee started) we’ll start off,” said Hervey.
We always did anything Hervey suggested because we knew that it would be crazy, so we didn’t hesitate this time.
“Hey, wait a minute,” yelled Pee-wee, “think I’m going to stand here and watch you go down?” Oh that kid, just as he said that, he gave a jump and hopped on the buggy. The jar was so great that the buggy buggy went buggy, and started off without even waiting for my speech.
Honestly, it seemed as though everyone was falling over each other, as the buggy went down and down. Upside down and inside out. Oh you should of seen it.
There sat Hervey and the Maniac, holding up the shaft, (at least what was left of it) and even then, as we bumped into a rock, the rest of it broke off. I had forgotten that I still held the water, until Pee-wee jumped up and threw the bottle from my hand.
“Say, do you think I look as though I need a cold shower? I’m not afraid of water, but when it comes to people spilling it right and left, I object,” said Warde.
“Gee, I only have a few drops left, a scout’s supposed not to waste anything, he——”
I didn’t get a chance to say any more, for just then we heard a long drawn moan, as though someone was in agony, and we were just in the center of the hill, and couldn’t stop, or it would never have happened. Another jolt, something like a turn in the Virginia Reel in Palisade Park, and we were good for scrambled eggs.
“W-w-what was that?” asked Pee-wee.
“Only one of the wheels came off,” said Hervey. “Long as we don’t get hurt, we should worry if the whole thing comes apart.”
I guess the buggy didn’t want to go without its wheel, for it headed towards a ditch, and each time the other wheels went around, it knocked us all over. Laugh, I thought I’d die.
“Gosh, if it would only stop,” said one of the boys, “I’d like to get my breath again. This is great, but every time I get it, another jolt t-t-takes it aw-w-way again.”
With a final bang, we hit the side of the hill, and went sprawling for the last time, gee, I was sorry.
While we were lying there, undecided whether to get up or not, Pee-wee saved the day.
“D-d-do you hear that?” fairly screamed Pee-wee. “Do you know what that is? If you don’t,Ido, and I’m going to answer it——”
Itwas the mess call, even if it took Pee-wee to hear it first,weheard it now, and once more we dropped everything, for important things come first. And as usual, Hervey started it again.
“Come on, fall in line,” he said, and “Follow Your Leader.”