SELF-HELP

'i Called About the Bill in The Window.'

Mrs. Hatchard clutched at the door-post.

“Well?” she gasped.

“I'd like to see the rooms,” said the other.

“But you ain't a single young man,” said his wife, recovering.

“I'm as good as single,” said Mr. Hatchard. “I should say, better.”

“You ain't young,” objected Mrs. Hatchard. “I'm three years younger than what you are,” said Mr. Hatchard, dispassionately.

His wife's lips tightened and her hand closed on the door; Mr. Hatchard put his foot in.

“If you don't want lodgers, why do you put a bill up?” he inquired.

“I don't take the first that comes,” said his wife.

“I'll pay a week in advance,” said Mr. Hatchard, putting his hand in his pocket. “Of course, if you're afraid of having me here—afraid o' giving way to tenderness, I mean——”

“Afraid?” choked Mrs. Hatchard. “Tenderness! I—I——”

“Just a matter o' business,” continued her husband; “that's my way of looking at it—that's a man's way. I s'pose women are different. They can't——”

“Come in,” said Mrs. Hatchard, breathing hard. Mr. Hatchard obeyed, and clapping a hand over his mouth ascended the stairs behind her. At the top she threw open the door of a tiny bedroom, and stood aside for him to enter. Mr. Hatchard sniffed critically.

“Smells rather stuffy,” he said, at last.

“You needn't have it,” said his wife, abruptly. “There's plenty of other fish in the sea.”

“Yes; and I expect they'd stay there if they saw this room,” said the other.

“Don't think I want you to have it; because I don't,” said Mrs. Hatchard, making a preliminary movement to showing him downstairs.

“They might suit me,” said Mr. Hatchard, musingly, as he peeped in at the sitting-room door. “I shouldn't be at home much. I'm a man that's fond of spending his evenings out.”

Mrs. Hatchard, checking a retort, eyed him grimly.

“I've seen worse,” he said, slowly; “but then I've seen a good many. How much are you asking?”

“Seven shillings a week,” replied his wife. “With breakfast, tea, and supper, a pound a week.”

Mr. Hatchard nearly whistled, but checked himself just in time.

“I'll give it a trial,” he said, with an air of unbearable patronage.

Mrs. Hatchard hesitated.

“If you come here, you quite understand it's on a business footing,” she said.

“O' course,” said the other, with affected surprise. “What do you think I want it on?”

“You come here as a stranger, and I look after you as a stranger,” continued his wife.

“Certainly,” said the other. “I shall be made more comfortable that way, I'm sure. But, of course, if you're afraid, as I said before, of giving way to tender——”

“Tender fiddlesticks!” interrupted his wife, flushing and eying him angrily.

“I'll come in and bring my things at nine o'clock to-night,” said Mr. Hatchard. “I'd like the windows open and the rooms aired a bit. And what about the sheets?”

“What about them?” inquired his wife.

“Don't put me in damp sheets, that's all,” said Mr. Hatchard. “One place I was at——”

He broke off suddenly.

“Well!” said his wife, quickly.

“Was very particular about them,” said Mr. Hatchard, recovering. “Well, good-afternoon to you, ma'am.”

“I want three weeks in advance,” said his wife.

“Three—” exclaimed the other. “Three weeks in advance? Why——”

“Those are my terms,” said Mrs. Hatchard. “Take 'em or leave 'em. P'r'aps it would be better if you left 'em.”

Mr. Hatchard looked thoughtful, and then with obvious reluctance took his purse from one pocket and some silver from another, and made up the required sum.

“And what if I'm not comfortable here?” he inquired, as his wife hastily pocketed the money. “It'll be your own fault,” was the reply.

Mr. Hatchard looked dubious, and, in a thoughtful fashion, walked downstairs and let himself out. He began to think that the joke was of a more complicated nature than he had expected, and it was not without forebodings that he came back at nine o'clock that night accompanied by a boy with his baggage.

His gloom disappeared the moment the door opened. The air inside was warm and comfortable, and pervaded by an appetizing smell of cooked meats. Upstairs a small bright fire and a neatly laid supper-table awaited his arrival.

He sank into an easy-chair and rubbed his hands. Then his gaze fell on a small bell on the table, and opening the door he rang for supper.

“Yes, sir,” said Mrs. Hatchard, entering the room. “Supper, please,” said the new lodger, with dignity.

Mrs. Hatchard looked bewildered. “Well, there it is,” she said, indicating the table. “You don't want me to feed you, do you?”

The lodger eyed the small, dry piece of cheese, the bread and butter, and his face fell. “I—I thought I smelled something cooking,” he said at last.

'i—i Thought I Smelled Something Cooking,' he Said.'

“Oh, that was my supper,” said Mrs. Hatchard, with a smile.

“I—I'm very hungry,” said Mr. Hatchard, trying to keep his temper.

“It's the cold weather, I expect,” said Mrs. Hatchard, thoughtfully; “it does affect some people that way, I know. Please ring if you want anything.”

She left the room, humming blithely, and Mr. Hatchard, after sitting for some time in silent consternation, got up and ate his frugal meal. The fact that the water-jug held three pints and was filled to the brim gave him no satisfaction.

He was still hungry when he arose next morning, and, with curiosity tempered by uneasiness, waited for his breakfast. Mrs. Hatchard came in at last, and after polite inquiries as to how he had slept proceeded to lay breakfast. A fresh loaf and a large teapot appeared, and the smell of frizzling bacon ascended from below. Then Mrs. Hatchard came in again, and, smiling benevolently, placed an egg before him and withdrew. Two minutes later he rang the bell.

“You can clear away,” he said, as Mrs. Hatchard entered the room.

“What, no breakfast?” she said, holding up her hands. “Well, I've heard of you single young men, but I never thought——”

“The tea's cold and as black as ink,” growled the indignant lodger, “and the egg isn't eatable.”

“I'm afraid you're a bit of a fault-finder,” said Mrs. Hatchard, shaking her head at him. “I'm sure I try my best to please. I don't mind what I do, but if you're not satisfied you'd better go.”

“Look here, Emily—” began her husband.

“Don't you 'Emily' me!” said Mrs. Hatchard, quickly. “The idea! A lodger, too! You know the arrangement. You'd better go, I think, if you can't behave yourself.”

“I won't go till my three weeks are up,” said Mr. Hatchard, doggedly, “so you may as well behave yourself.”

“I can't pamper you for a pound a week,” said Mrs. Hatchard, walking to the door. “If you want pampering, you had better go.”

A week passed, and the additional expense caused by getting most of his meals out began to affect Mr. Hatchard's health. His wife, on the contrary, was in excellent spirits, and, coming in one day, explained the absence of the easy-chair by stating that it was wanted for a new lodger.

“He's taken my other two rooms,” she said, smiling—“the little back parlor and the front bedroom—I'm full up now.”

“Wouldn't he like my table, too?” inquired Mr. Hatchard, with bitter sarcasm.

His wife said that she would inquire, and brought back word next day that Mr. Sadler, the new lodger, would like it. It disappeared during Mr. Hatchard's enforced absence at business, and a small bamboo table, weak in the joints, did duty in its stead.

The new lodger, a man of middle age with a ready tongue, was a success from the first, and it was only too evident that Mrs. Hatchard was trying her best to please him. Mr. Hatchard, supping on bread and cheese, more than once left that wholesome meal to lean over the balusters and smell the hot meats going into Mr. Sadler.

“You're spoiling him,” he said to Mrs. Hatchard, after the new lodger had been there a week. “Mark my words—he'll get above himself.”

“That's my look-out,” said his wife briefly.

“Don't come to me if you get into trouble, that's all,” said the other.

Mrs. Hatchard laughed derisively. “You don't like him, that's what it is,” she remarked. “He asked me yesterday whether he had offended you in any way.”

“Oh! He did, did he?” snarled Mr. Hatchard. “Let him keep himself to himself, and mind his own business.”

“He said he thinks you have got a bad temper,” continued his wife. “He thinks, perhaps, it's indigestion, caused by eating cheese for supper always.”

Mr. Hatchard affected not to hear, and, lighting his pipe, listened fer some time to the hum of conversation between his wife and Mr. Sadler below. With an expression of resignation on his face that was almost saintly he knocked out his pipe at last and went to bed.

Half an hour passed, and he was still awake. His wife's voice had ceased, but the gruff tones of Mr. Sadler were still audible. Then he sat up in bed and listened, as a faint cry of alarm and the sound of somebody rushing upstairs fell on his ears. The next moment the door of his room burst open, and a wild figure, stumbling in the darkness, rushed over to the bed and clasped him in its arms.

“Help!” gasped his wife's voice. “Oh, Alfred! Alfred!”

“Ma'am!” said Mr. Hatchard in a prim voice, as he struggled in vain to free himself.

“I'm so—so—fr-frightened!” sobbed Mrs. Hatchard.

“That's no reason for coming into a lodger's room and throwing your arms round his neck,” said her husband, severely.

“Don't be stu-stu-stupid,” gasped Mrs. Hatchard. “He—he's sitting downstairs in my room with a paper cap on his head and a fire-shovel in his hand, and he—he says he's the—the Emperor of China.”

“He? Who?” inquired her husband.

“Mr. Sad-Sadler,” replied Mrs. Hatchard, almost strangling him. “He made me kneel in front o' him and keep touching the floor with my head.”

The chair-bedstead shook in sympathy with Mr. Hatchard's husbandly emotion.

“Well, it's nothing to do with me,” he said at last.

“He's mad,” said his wife, in a tense whisper; “stark staring mad. He says I'm his favorite wife, and he made me stroke his forehead.”

The bed shook again.

“I don't see that I have any right to interfere,” said Mr. Hatchard, after he had quieted the bedstead. “He's your lodger.”

“You're my husband,” said Mrs. Hatchard. “Ho!” said Mr. Hatchard. “You've remembered that, have you?”

“Yes, Alfred,” said his wife.

“And are you sorry for all your bad behavior?” demanded Mr. Hatchard.

Mrs. Hatchard hesitated. Then a clatter of fire-irons downstairs moved her to speech.

“Ye-yes,” she sobbed.

“And you want me to take you back?” queried the generous Mr. Hatchard.

“Ye-ye-yes,” said his wife.

Mr. Hatchard got out of bed and striking a match lit the candle, and, taking his overcoat from a peg behind the door, put it on and marched downstairs. Mrs. Hatchard, still trembling, followed behind.

“What's all this?” he demanded, throwing the door open with a flourish.

Mr. Sadler, still holding the fire-shovel sceptre-fashion and still with the paper cap on his head, opened his mouth to reply. Then, as he saw the unkempt figure of Mr. Hatchard with the scared face of Mrs. Hatchard peeping over his shoulder, his face grew red, his eyes watered, and his cheeks swelled.

“K-K-K-Kch! K-Kch!” he said, explosively. “Talk English, not Chinese,” said Mr. Hatchard, sternly.

'K-k-k-kch! K-kch!' he Said, Explosively.'

Mr. Sadler threw down the fire-shovel, and to Mr. Hatchard's great annoyance, clapped his open hand over his mouth and rocked with merriment.

“Sh—sh—she—she—” he spluttered.

“That'll do,” said Mr. Hatchard, hastily, with a warning frown.

“Kow-towed to me,” gurgled Mr. Sadler. “You ought to have seen it, Alf. I shall never get over it—never. It's—no—no good win-winking at me; I can't help myself.”

He put his handkerchief to his eyes and leaned back exhausted. When he removed it, he found himself alone and everything still but for a murmur of voices overhead. Anon steps sounded on the stairs, and Mr. Hatchard, grave of face, entered the room.

“Outside!” he said, briefly.

“What!” said the astounded Mr. Sadler. “Why, it's eleven o'clock.”

“I can't help it if it's twelve o'clock,” was the reply. “You shouldn't play the fool and spoil things by laughing. Now, are you going, or have I got to put you out?”

He crossed the room and, putting his hand on the shoulder of the protesting Mr. Sadler, pushed him into the passage, and taking his coat from the peg held it up for him. Mr. Sadler, abandoning himself to his fate, got into it slowly and indulged in a few remarks on the subject of ingratitude.

“I can't help it,” said his friend, in a low voice. “I've had to swear I've never seen you before.”

“Does she believe you?” said the staring Mr. Sadler, shivering at the open door.

“No,” said Mr. Hatchard, slowly, “but she pretends to.”

The night-watchman sat brooding darkly over life and its troubles. A shooting corn on the little toe of his left foot, and a touch of liver, due, he was convinced, to the unlawful cellar work of the landlord of the Queen's Head, had induced in him a vein of profound depression. A discarded boot stood by his side, and his gray-stockinged foot protruded over the edge of the jetty until a passing waterman gave it a playful rap with his oar. A subsequent inquiry as to the price of pigs' trotters fell on ears rendered deaf by suffering.

“I might 'ave expected it,” said the watchman, at last. “I done that man—if you can call him a man—a kindness once, and this is my reward for it. Do a man a kindness, and years arterwards 'e comes along and hits you over your tenderest corn with a oar.”

'E Comes Along and Hits You over Your Tenderest Corn With a Oar.''

He took up his boot, and, inserting his foot with loving care, stooped down and fastened the laces.

Do a man a kindness, he continued, assuming a safer posture, and 'e tries to borrow money off of you; do a woman a kindness and she thinks you want to marry 'er; do an animal a kindness and it tries to bite you—same as a horse bit a sailorman I knew once, when 'e sat on its head to 'elp it get up. He sat too far for'ard, pore chap.

Kindness never gets any thanks. I remember a man whose pal broke 'is leg while they was working together unloading a barge; and he went off to break the news to 'is pal's wife. A kind-'earted man 'e was as ever you see, and, knowing 'ow she would take on when she 'eard the news, he told her fust of all that 'er husband was killed. She took on like a mad thing, and at last, when she couldn't do anything more and 'ad quieted down a bit, he told 'er that it was on'y a case of a broken leg, thinking that 'er joy would be so great that she wouldn't think anything of that. He 'ad to tell her three times afore she understood 'im, and then, instead of being thankful to 'im for 'is thoughtfulness, she chased him 'arf over Wapping with a chopper, screaming with temper.

I remember Ginger Dick and Peter Russet trying to do old Sam Small a kindness one time when they was 'aving a rest ashore arter a v'y'ge. They 'ad took a room together as usual, and for the fust two or three days they was like brothers. That couldn't last, o' course, and Sam was so annoyed one evening at Ginger's suspiciousness by biting a 'arf-dollar Sam owed 'im and finding it was a bad 'un, that 'e went off to spend the evening all alone by himself.

He felt a bit dull at fust, but arter he had 'ad two or three 'arf-pints 'e began to take a brighter view of things. He found a very nice, cosey little public-'ouse he hadn't been in before, and, arter getting two and threepence and a pint for the 'arf-dollar with Ginger's tooth-marks on, he began to think that the world wasn't 'arf as bad a place as people tried to make out.

There was on'y one other man in the little bar Sam was in—a tall, dark chap, with black side-whiskers and spectacles, wot kept peeping round the partition and looking very 'ard at everybody that came in.

“I'm just keeping my eye on 'em, cap'n,” he ses to Sam, in a low voice.

“Ho!” ses Sam.

“They don't know me in this disguise,” ses the dark man, “but I see as 'ow you spotted me at once. Anybody 'ud have a 'ard time of it to deceive you; and then they wouldn't gain nothing by it.”

“Nobody ever 'as yet,” ses Sam, smiling at 'im.

“And nobody ever will,” ses the dark man, shaking his 'ead; “if they was all as fly as you, I might as well put the shutters up. How did you twig I was a detective officer, cap'n?”

Sam, wot was taking a drink, got some beer up 'is nose with surprise.

“That's my secret,” he ses, arter the tec 'ad patted 'im on the back and brought 'im round.

“You're a marvel, that's wot you are,” ses the tec, shaking his 'ead. “Have one with me.”

Sam said he didn't mind if 'e did, and arter drinking each other's healths very perlite 'e ordered a couple o' twopenny smokes, and by way of showing off paid for 'em with 'arf a quid.

“That's right, ain't it?” ses the barmaid, as he stood staring very 'ard at the change. “I ain't sure about that 'arf-crown, now I come to look at it; but it's the one you gave me.”

Pore Sam, with a tec standing alongside of 'im, said it was quite right, and put it into 'is pocket in a hurry and began to talk to the tec as fast as he could about a murder he 'ad been reading about in the paper that morning. They went and sat down by a comfortable little fire that was burning in the bar, and the tec told 'im about a lot o' murder cases he 'ad been on himself.

“I'm down 'ere now on special work,” he ses, “looking arter sailormen.”

“Wot ha' they been doing?” ses Sam.

“When I say looking arter, I mean protecting 'em,” ses the tec. “Over and over agin some pore feller, arter working 'ard for months at sea, comes 'ome with a few pounds in 'is pocket and gets robbed of the lot. There's a couple o' chaps down 'ere I'm told off to look arter special, but it's no good unless I can catch 'em red-'anded.”

“Red-'anded?” ses Sam.

“With their hands in the chap's pockets, I mean,” ses the tec.

Sam gave a shiver. “Somebody had their 'ands in my pockets once,” he ses. “Four pun ten and some coppers they got.”

“Wot was they like?” ses the tee, starting.

Sam shook his 'ead. “They seemed to me to be all hands, that's all I know about 'em,” he ses. “Arter they 'ad finished they leaned me up agin the dock wall an' went off.”

“It sounds like 'em,” ses the tec, thoughtfully. “It was Long Pete and Fair Alf, for a quid; that's the two I'm arter.”

He put his finger in 'is weskit-pocket. “That's who I am,” he ses, 'anding Sam a card; “Detective-Sergeant Cubbins. If you ever get into any trouble at any time, you come to me.”

Sam said 'e would, and arter they had 'ad another drink together the tec shifted 'is seat alongside of 'im and talked in his ear.

“If I can nab them two chaps I shall get promotion,” he ses; “and it's a fi'-pun note to anybody that helps me. I wish I could persuade you to.”

“'Ow's it to be done?” ses Sam, looking at 'im.

“I want a respectable-looking seafaring man,” ses the tec, speaking very slow; “that's you. He goes up Tower Hill to-morrow night at nine o'clock, walking very slow and very unsteady on 'is pins, and giving my two beauties the idea that 'e is three sheets in the wind. They come up and rob 'im, and I catch them red-'anded. I get promotion, and you get a fiver.”

“But 'ow do you know they'll be there?” ses Sam, staring at 'im.

Mr. Cubbins winked at 'im and tapped 'is nose.

'Mr. Cubbins Winked at 'im and Tapped 'is Nose.'

“We 'ave to know a good deal in our line o' business,” he ses.

“Still,” ses Sam, “I don't see——”

“Narks,” says the tec; “coppers' narks. You've 'eard of them, cap'n? Now, look 'ere. Have you got any money?”

“I got a matter o' twelve quid or so,” ses Sam, in a off-hand way.

“The very thing,” says the tec. “Well, to-morrow night you put that in your pocket, and be walking up Tower Hill just as the clock strikes nine. I promise you you'll be robbed afore two minutes past, and by two and a 'arf past I shall 'ave my hands on both of 'em. Have all the money in one pocket, so as they can get it neat and quick, in case they get interrupted. Better still, 'ave it in a purse; that makes it easier to bring it 'ome to 'em.”

“Wouldn't it be enough if they stole the purse?” ses Sam. “I should feel safer that way, too.”

Mr. Cubbins shook his 'ead, very slow and solemn. “That wouldn't do at all,” he ses. “The more money they steal, the longer they'll get; you know that, cap'n, without me telling you. If you could put fifty quid in it would be so much the better. And, what-ever you do, don't make a noise. I don't want a lot o' clumsy policemen interfering in my business.”

“Still, s'pose you didn't catch 'em,” ses Sam, “where should I be?”

“You needn't be afraid o' that,” ses the tec, with a laugh. “Here, I'll tell you wot I'll do, and that'll show you the trust I put in you.”

He drew a big di'mond ring off of 'is finger and handed it to Sam.

“Put that on your finger,” he ses, “and keep it there till I give you your money back and the fi'-pun note reward. It's worth seventy quid if it's worth a farthing, and was given to me by a lady of title for getting back 'er jewellery for 'er. Put it on, and wotever you do, don't lose it!”

He sat and watched while Sam forced it on 'is finger.

“You don't need to flash it about too much,” he ses, looking at 'im rather anxious. “There's men I know as 'ud cut your finger off to get that.”

Sam shoved his 'and in his pocket, but he kept taking it out every now and then and 'olding his finger up to the light to look at the di'mond. Mr. Cubbins got up to go at last, saying that he 'ad got a call to make at the police-station, and they went out together.

“Nine o'clock sharp,” he ses, as they shook hands, “on Tower Hill.”

“I'll be there,” ses Sam.

“And, wotever you do, no noise, no calling out,” ses the tec, “and don't mention a word of this to a living soul.”

Sam shook 'ands with 'im agin, and then, hiding his 'and in his pocket, went off 'ome, and, finding Ginger and Peter Russet wasn't back, went off to bed.

He 'eard 'em coming upstairs in the dark in about an hour's time, and, putting the 'and with the ring on it on the counterpane, shut 'is eyes and pretended to be fast asleep. Ginger lit the candle, and they was both beginning to undress when Peter made a noise and pointed to Sam's 'and.

“Wot's up?” ses Ginger, taking the candle and going over to Sam's bed. “Who've you been robbing, you fat pirate?”

Sam kept 'is eyes shut and 'eard 'em whispering; then he felt 'em take 'is hand up and look at it. “Where did you get it, Sam?” ses Peter.

“He's asleep,” ses Ginger, “sound asleep. I b'lieve if I was to put 'is finger in the candle he wouldn't wake up.”

“You try it,” ses Sam, sitting up in bed very sharp and snatching his 'and away. “Wot d'ye mean coming 'ome at all hours and waking me up?” “Where did you get that ring?” ses Ginger. “Friend o' mine,” ses Sam, very short.

“Who was it?” ses Peter.

“It's a secret,” ses Sam.

“You wouldn't 'ave a secret from your old pal Ginger, Sam, would you?” ses Ginger.

“Old wot?” ses Sam. “Wot did you call me this arternoon?”

“I called you a lot o' things I'm sorry for,” ses Ginger, who was bursting with curiosity, “and I beg your pardin, Sam.”

“Shake 'ands on it,” ses Peter, who was nearly as curious as Ginger.

They shook hands, but Sam said he couldn't tell 'em about the ring; and several times Ginger was on the point of calling 'im the names he 'ad called 'im in the arternoon, on'y Peter trod on 'is foot and stopped him. They wouldn't let 'im go to sleep for talking, and at last, when 'e was pretty near tired out, he told 'em all about it.

“Going—to 'ave your—pocket picked?” ses Ginger, staring at 'im, when 'e had finished.

“I shall be watched over,” ses Sam.

“He's gorn stark, staring mad,” ses Ginger. “Wot a good job it is he's got me and you to look arter 'im, Peter.”

“Wot d'ye mean?” ses Sam.

“Mean?” ses Ginger. “Why, it's a put-up job to rob you, o' course. I should ha' thought even your fat 'ead could ha' seen that':”

“When I want your advice I'll ask you for it,” ses Sam, losing 'is temper. “Wot about the di'mond ring—eh?”

“You stick to it,” ses Ginger, “and keep out o' Mr. Cubbins's way. That's my advice to you. 'Sides, p'r'aps it ain't a real one.”

Sam told 'im agin he didn't want none of 'is advice, and, as Ginger wouldn't leave off talking, he pretended to go to sleep. Ginger woke 'im up three times to tell 'im wot a fool 'e was, but 'e got so fierce that he gave it up at last and told 'im to go 'is own way.

Sam wouldn't speak to either of 'em next morning, and arter breakfast he went off on 'is own. He came back while Peter and Ginger was out, and they wasted best part o' the day trying to find 'im.

“We'll be on Tower Hill just afore nine and keep 'im out o' mischief, any way,” ses Peter.

Ginger nodded. “And be called names for our pains,” he ses. “I've a good mind to let 'im be robbed.”

“It 'ud serve 'im right,” ses Peter, “on'y then he'd want to borrer off of us. Look here! Why not—why not rob 'im ourselves?”

“Wot?” ses Ginger, starting.

“Walk up behind 'im and rob 'im,” ses Peter. “He'll think it's them two chaps he spoke about, and when 'e comes 'ome complaining to us we'll tell 'im it serves 'im right. Arter we've 'ad a game with 'im for a day or two we'll give 'im 'is money back.”

“But he'd reckernize us,” ses Ginger.

“We must disguise ourselves,” ses Peter, in a whisper. “There's a barber's shop in Cable Street, where I've seen beards in the winder. You hook 'em on over your ears. Get one o' them each, pull our caps over our eyes and turn our collars up, and there you are.”

Ginger made a lot of objections, not because he didn't think it was a good idea, but because he didn't like Peter thinking of it instead of 'im; but he gave way at last, and, arter he 'ad got the beard, he stood for a long time in front o' the glass thinking wot a difference it would ha' made to his looks if he had 'ad black 'air instead o' red.

Waiting for the evening made the day seem very long to 'em; but it came at last, and, with the beards in their pockets, they slipped out and went for a walk round. They 'ad 'arf a pint each at a public-'ouse at the top of the Minories, just to steady themselves, and then they came out and hooked on their beards; and wot with them, and pulling their caps down and turning their coat-collars up, there wasn't much of their faces to be seen by anybody.

It was just five minutes to nine when they got to Tower Hill, and they walked down the middle of the road, keeping a bright lookout for old Sam. A little way down they saw a couple o' chaps leaning up agin a closed gate in the dock wall lighting their pipes, and Peter and Ginger both nudged each other with their elbows at the same time. They 'ad just got to the bottom of the Hill when Sam turned the corner.

Peter wouldn't believe at fust that the old man wasn't really the worse for liquor, 'e was so lifelike. Many a drunken man would ha' been proud to ha' done it 'arf so well, and it made 'im pleased to think that Sam was a pal of 'is. Him and Ginger turned and crept up behind the old man on tiptoe, and then all of a sudden he tilted Sam's cap over 'is eyes and flung his arms round 'im, while Ginger felt in 'is coat-pockets and took out a leather purse chock full o' money.

It was all done and over in a moment, and then, to Ginger's great surprise, Sam suddenly lifted 'is foot and gave 'im a fearful kick on the shin of 'is leg, and at the same time let drive with all his might in 'is face. Ginger went down as if he 'ad been shot, and as Peter went to 'elp him up he got a bang over the 'ead that put 'im alongside o' Ginger, arter which Sam turned and trotted off down the Hill like a dancing-bear.

'Let Drive With All his Might in 'is Face. '

For 'arf a minute Ginger didn't know where 'e was, and afore he found out the two men they'd seen in the gateway came up, and one of 'em put his knee in Ginger's back and 'eld him, while the other caught hold of his 'and and dragged the purse out of it. Arter which they both made off up the Hill as 'ard as they could go, while Peter Russet in a faint voice called “Police!” arter them.

He got up presently and helped Ginger up, and they both stood there pitying themselves, and 'elping each other to think of names to call Sam.

“Well, the money's gorn, and it's 'is own silly fault,” ses Ginger. “But wotever 'appens, he mustn't know that we had a 'and in it, mind that.”

“He can starve for all I care,” ses Peter, feeling his 'ead. “I won't lend 'im a ha'penny—not a single, blessed ha'penny.”

“Who'd ha' thought 'e could ha' hit like that?” says Ginger. “That's wot gets over me. I never 'ad such a bang in my life—never. I'm going to 'ave a little drop o' brandy—my 'ead is fair swimming.”

Peter 'ad one, too; but though they went into the private bar, it wasn't private enough for them; and when the landlady asked Ginger who'd been kissing 'im, he put 'is glass down with a bang and walked straight off 'ome.

Sam 'adn't turned up by the time they got there, and pore Ginger took advantage of it to put a little warm candle-grease on 'is bad leg. Then he bathed 'is face very careful and 'elped Peter bathe his 'ead. They 'ad just finished when they heard Sam coming upstairs, and Ginger sat down on 'is bed and began to whistle, while Peter took up a bit o' newspaper and stood by the candle reading it.

“Lor' lumme, Ginger!” ses Sam, staring at 'im. “What ha' you been a-doing to your face?”

“Me?” ses Ginger, careless-like. “Oh, we 'ad a bit of a scrap down Limehouse way with some Scotchies. Peter got a crack over the 'ead at the same time.”

“Ah, I've 'ad a bit of a scrap, too,” ses Sam, smiling all over, “but I didn't get marked.”

“Oh!” ses Peter, without looking up from 'is paper. “Was it a little boy, then?” ses Ginger.

“No, it wasn't a little boy neither, Ginger,” ses Sam; “it was a couple o' men twice the size of you and Peter here, and I licked 'em both. It was the two men I spoke to you about last night.”

“Oh!” ses Peter agin, yawning.

“I did a bit o' thinking this morning,” ses Sam, nodding at 'em, “and I don't mind owning up that it was owing to wot you said. You was right, Ginger, arter all.”

“Fust thing I did arter breakfast,” ses Sam, “I took that di'mond ring to a pawnshop and found out it wasn't a di'mond ring. Then I did a bit more thinking, and I went round to a shop I know and bought a couple o' knuckle-dusters.”

“Couple o' wot?” ses Ginger, in a choking voice.

“Knuckle-dusters,” ses Sam, “and I turned up to-night at Tower Hill with one on each 'and just as the clock was striking nine. I see 'em the moment I turned the corner—two enormous big chaps, a yard acrost the shoulders, coming down the middle of the road—You've got a cold, Ginger!”

“No, I ain't,” ses Ginger.

“I pretended to be drunk, same as the tec told me,” ses Sam, “and then I felt 'em turn round and creep up behind me. One of 'em come up behind and put 'is knee in my back and caught me by the throat, and the other gave me a punch in the chest, and while I was gasping for breath took my purse away. Then I started on 'em.”

“Lor'!” ses Ginger, very nasty.

“I fought like a lion,” ses Sam. “Twice they 'ad me down, and twice I got up agin and hammered 'em. They both of 'em 'ad knives, but my blood was up, and I didn't take no more notice of 'em than if they was made of paper. I knocked 'em both out o' their hands, and if I hit 'em in the face once I did a dozen times. I surprised myself.”

“You surprise me,” ses Ginger.

“All of a sudden,” ses Sam, “they see they 'ad got to do with a man wot didn't know wot fear was, and they turned round and ran off as hard as they could run. You ought to ha' been there, Ginger. You'd 'ave enjoyed it.”

Ginger Dick didn't answer 'im. Having to sit still and listen to all them lies without being able to say anything nearly choked 'im. He sat there gasping for breath.

“O' course, you got your purse back in the fight, Sam?” ses Peter.

“No, mate,” ses Sam. “I ain't going to tell you no lies—I did not.”

“And 'ow are you going to live, then, till you get a ship, Sam?” ses Ginger, in a nasty voice. “You won't get nothing out o' me, so you needn't think it.”

“Wot on earth's the matter, Ginger?”

“Nor me,” ses Peter. “Not a brass farthing.”

“There's no call to be nasty about it, mates,” ses Sam. “I 'ad the best fight I ever 'ad in my life, and I must put up with the loss. A man can't 'ave it all his own way.”

“'Ow much was it?” ses Peter.

“Ten brace-buttons, three French ha'pennies, and a bit o' tin,” ses Sam. “Wot on earth's the matter, Ginger?”

'Wot on Earth's the Matter, Ginger?''

Ginger didn't answer him.

'An Elderly Man With a Wooden Leg, Who Joined The Indignant Officer in the Pursuit.'

Fortunately for Captain Bligh, there were but few people about, and the only person who saw him trip Police-Sergeant Pilbeam was an elderly man with a wooden leg, who joined the indignant officer in the pursuit. The captain had youth on his side, and, diving into the narrow alley-ways that constitute the older portion of Woodhatch, he moderated his pace and listened acutely. The sounds of pursuit died away in the distance, and he had already dropped into a walk when the hurried tap of the wooden leg sounded from one corner and a chorus of hurried voices from the other. It was clear that the number of hunters had increased.

He paused a second, irresolute. The next, he pushed open a door that stood ajar in an old flint wall and peeped in. He saw a small, brick-paved yard, in which trim myrtles and flowering plants stood about in freshly ochred pots, and, opening the door a little wider, he slipped in and closed it behind him.

“Well?” said a voice, sharply. “What do you want?”

Captain Bligh turned, and saw a girl standing in a hostile attitude in the doorway of the house. “H'sh!” he said, holding up his finger.

The girl's cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkled.

“What are you doing in our yard?” she demanded.

The captain's face relaxed as the sound of voices died away. He gave his moustache a twist, and eyed her with frank admiration.

“Escaping,” he said, briefly. “They nearly had me, though.”

“You had no business to escape into our yard,” said the girl. “What have you been escaping from?”

“Fat policeman,” said the skipper, jauntily, twisting his moustache.

Miss Pilbeam, only daughter of Sergeant Pilbeam, caught her breath sharply.

“What have you been doing?” she inquired, as soon as she could control her voice.

“Nothing,” said the skipper, airily, “nothing. I was kicking a stone along the path and he told me to stop it.”

“Well?” said Miss Pilbeam, impatiently.

“We had words,” said the skipper. “I don't like policemen—fat policemen—and while we were talking he happened to lose his balance and go over into some mud that was swept up at the side of the road.”

“Lost his balance?” gasped the horrified Miss Pilbeam.

The skipper was flattered at her concern. “You would have laughed if you had seen him,” he said, smiling. “Don't look so frightened; he hasn't got me yet.”

“No,” said the girl, slowly. “Not yet.”

She gazed at him with such a world of longing in her eyes that the skipper, despite a somewhat large share of self-esteem, was almost startled.

“And he shan't have me,” he said, returning her gaze with interest.

Miss Pilbeam stood in silent thought. She was a strong, well-grown girl, but she realized fully that she was no match for the villain who stood before her, twisting his moustache and adjusting his neck-tie. And her father would not be off duty until nine.

“I suppose you would like to wait here until it is dark?” she said at last.

“I would sooner wait here than anywhere,” said the skipper, with respectful ardor.

“Perhaps you would like to come in and sit down?” said the girl.

Captain Bligh thanked her, and removing his cap followed her into a small parlor in the front of the house.

“Father is out,” she said, as she motioned him to an easy-chair, “but I'm sure he'll be pleased to see you when he comes in.”

“And I shall be pleased to see him,” said the innocent skipper.

Miss Pilbeam kept her doubts to herself and sat in a brown study, wondering how the capture was to be effected. She had a strong presentiment that the appearance of her father at the front door would be the signal for her visitor's departure at the back. For a time there was an awkward silence.

“Lucky thing for me I upset that policeman,” said the skipper, at last.

“Why?” inquired the girl.

“Else I shouldn't have come into your yard,” was the reply. “It's the first time we have ever put into Woodhatch, and I might have sailed away and never seen you. Where should we have been but for that fat policeman?”

Miss Pilbeam—as soon as she could get her breath—said, “Ah, where indeed!” and for the first time in her life began to feel the need of a chaperon.

“Funny to think of him hunting for me high and low while I am sitting here,” said the skipper.

Miss Pilbeam agreed with him, and began to laugh—to laugh so heartily that he was fain at last to draw his chair close to hers and pat her somewhat anxiously on the back. The treatment sobered her at once, and she drew apart and eyed him coldly.

“I was afraid you would lose your breath,” explained the skipper, awkwardly. “You are not angry, are you?”

He was so genuinely relieved when she said, “No,” that Miss Pilbeam, despite her father's wrongs, began to soften a little. The upsetter of policemen was certainly good-looking; and his manner towards her so nicely balanced between boldness and timidity that a slight feeling of sadness at his lack of moral character began to assail her.

“Suppose you are caught after all?” she said, presently. “You will go to prison.”

The skipper shrugged his shoulders. “I don't suppose I shall be,” he replied.

“Aren't you sorry?” persisted Miss Pilbeam, in a vibrant voice.

“Certainly not,” said the skipper. “Why, I shouldn't have seen you if I hadn't done it.”

Miss Pilbeam looked at the clock and pondered. It wanted but five minutes to nine. Five minutes in which to make up a mind that was in a state of strong unrest.

“I suppose it is time for me to go,” said the skipper, watching her. Miss Pilbeam rose. “No, don't go,” she said, hastily. “Do be quiet. I want to think.”

Captain Bligh waited in respectful silence, heedless of the fateful seconds ticking from the mantelpiece. At the sound of a slow, measured footfall on the cobblestone path outside Miss Pilbeam caught his arm and drew him towards the door.

“Go!” she breathed. “No, stop!”

She stood trying in vain to make up her mind. “Upstairs,” she said. “Quick!” and, leading the way, entered her father's bedroom, and, after a moment's thought, opened the door of a cupboard in the corner.

“Get in there,” she whispered.

“But—” objected the astonished Bligh.

The front door was heard to open.

“Police!” said Miss Pilbeam, in a thrilling whisper. The skipper stepped into the cupboard without further parley, and the girl, turning the key, slipped it into her pocket and sped downstairs.

Sergeant Pilbeam was in the easy-chair, with his belt unfastened, when she entered the parlor, and, with a hungry reference to supper, sat watching her as she lit the lamp and drew down the blind. With a lifelong knowledge of the requirements of the Force, she drew a jug of beer and placed it by his side while she set the table.

“Ah! I wanted that,” said the sergeant. “I've been running.”

Miss Pilbeam raised her eyebrows.

“After some sailor-looking chap that capsized me when I wasn't prepared for it,” said her father, putting down his glass. “It was a neat bit o' work, and I shall tell him so when I catch him. Look here!”

He stood up and exhibited the damage.

“I've rubbed off what I could,” he said, resuming his seat, “and I s'pose the rest'll brush off when it's dry. To-morrow morning I shall go down to the harbor and try and spot my lord.”

He drew his chair to the table and helped himself, and, filling his mouth with cold meat and pickles, enlarged on his plans for the capture of his assailant; plans to which the undecided Miss Pilbeam turned a somewhat abstracted ear.

By the time her father had finished his supper she was trying, but in vain, to devise means for the prisoner's escape. The sergeant had opened the door of the room for the sake of fresh air, and it was impossible for anybody to come downstairs without being seen. The story of a sickly geranium in the back-yard left him unmoved.

“I wouldn't get up for all the geraniums in the world,” he declared. “I'm just going to have one more pipe and then I'm off to bed. Running don't agree with me.”

He went, despite his daughter's utmost efforts to prevent him, and she sat in silent consternation, listening to his heavy tread overhead. She heard the bed creak in noisy protest as he climbed in, and ten minutes later the lusty snoring of a healthy man of full habit resounded through the house.

She went to bed herself at last, and, after lying awake for nearly a couple of hours, closed her eyes in order to think better. She awoke with the sun pouring in at the window and the sounds of vigorous brushing in the yard beneath.

“I've nearly got it off,” said the sergeant, looking up. “It's destroying evidence in a sense, I suppose; but I can't go about with my uniform plastered with mud. I've had enough chaff about it as it is.”

Miss Pilbeam stole to the door of the next room and peeped stealthily in. Not a sound came from the cupboard, and a horrible idea that the prisoner might have been suffocated set her trembling with apprehension.

“H'sh!” she whispered.

An eager but stifled “H'st!” came from the cup-board, and Miss Pilbeam, her fears allayed, stepped softly into the room.

“He's downstairs brushing the mud off,” she said, in a low voice.

“Who is?” said the skipper.

“The fat policeman,” said the girl, in a hard voice, as she remembered her father's wrongs.

“What's he doing it here for?” demanded the astonished skipper.

“Because he lives here.”

“Lodger?” queried the skipper, more astonished than before.

“Father,” said Miss Pilbeam.

A horrified groan from the cupboard fell like music on her ears. Then the smile forsook her lips, and she stood quivering with indignation as the groan gave way to suppressed but unmistakable laughter.

“H'sh!” she said sharply, and with head erect sailed out of the room and went downstairs to give Mr. Pilbeam his breakfast.

To the skipper in the confined space and darkness of the cupboard the breakfast seemed unending. The sergeant evidently believed in sitting over his meals, and his deep, rumbling voice, punctuated by good-natured laughter, was plainly audible. To pass the time the skipper fell to counting, and, tired of that, recited some verses that he had acquired at school. After that, and with far more heartiness, he declaimed a few things that he had learned since; and still the clatter and rumble sounded from below.

It was a relief to him when he heard the sergeant push his chair back and move heavily about the room. A minute later he heard him ascending the stairs, and then he held his breath with horror as the foot-steps entered the room and a heavy hand was laid on the cupboard door.

“Elsie!” bawled the sergeant. “Where's the key of my cupboard? I want my other boots.”

“They're down here,” cried the voice of Miss Pilbeam, and the skipper, hardly able to believe in his good fortune, heard the sergeant go downstairs again.

At the expiration of another week—by his own reckoning—he heard the light, hurried footsteps of Miss Pilbeam come up the stairs and pause at the door.

“H'st!” he said, recklessly.

“I'm coming,” said the girl. “Don't be impatient.”

A key turned in the lock, the door was flung open, and the skipper, dazed and blinking with the sudden light, stumbled into the room.

“Father's gone,” said Miss Pilbeam.

The skipper made no answer. He was administering first aid to a right leg which had temporarily forgotten how to perform its duties, varied with slaps and pinches at a left which had gone to sleep. At intervals he turned a red-rimmed and reproachful eye on Miss Pilbeam.

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