But when his wild emotions of ambition and vanity and display wuz all broke up a settled melancholy hovered down onto him and draped him like a black mantilly. He seemed all onstrung, and all my efforts to string him up agin seemed vain.
I strove to hide my apprehensions under a holler veil of calmness and even hilarity; I give him catnip with a smile on my lip but deep forebodin' in my mind, and the same with thoroughwert. But catnip didn't nip his ambition and thoroughwort wuzn't thorough enough to restore his cheerfulness.
I encouraged him to go to the lake fishin' with Deacon Henzy, though I'd suffered more than I had ever told from similar occasions. Deacon Henzy loves hard cider and keeps a kag on tap durin' the summer, he sez it is for his liver, but liver or no liver it hain't right.
I hain't goin' to make no insinuations about their doin's though sister Henzy has approached me on the subject time and agin, she hain't so clost mouthed as I am. But I will merely say that when they got back their two breaths didn't smell as two deacon's breaths ort to smell. But I didn't say nothin' about it outside and shan't, I use tack. I spoke on't to Josiah at the time, yes indeed I hearn the call of Duty and obeyed.
But as I wuz sayin', though it trompled on all my feelin's and forebodin's I urged 'em to go agin and they went. And I shan't tell how their breaths smelt when they got back—it hain't best, only simply sayin' that Josiah took an empty pint fruit can with him that mornin' when he went over to the Deacon's to start, and I never inquired what he took it for, so fur will a female let even her principles be outraged when the life of her beloved companion is at the stake—I tried to think he wuz goin' to take milk in it.
But the small string of tiny fish wuz all he ketched out of the deep waters, he didn't ketch any cheerfulness or happiness for himself or me, only disappintment and shagrin for I felt if I didn't use all my tack mebby the meetin' house would try to set down on him. Two deacons! the very idee on't!
But I kep' mum and dressed the fish myself and fried 'em in butter, only hopin' I wouldn't lose 'em in the fryin' pan, but Josiah didn't seem to relish 'em no better than he would side pork, and agin I felt baffled, and rememberin' the fruit can, a element of guilt also mingled with the baffle. Biled vittles with a bag puddin' which he loved almost to idolatry I put before him in vain; I petted him; I called him "dear Josiah" repeatedly; I fairly pompeyed him, but no change could I see, I felt turrible.
He still kep' a runnin' down and I didn't know when he would stop runnin' and I shuddered to think where he might run to. At last in spite of Josiah's onwillingness I sent for Doctor Bombus. He come and took his wrist in hisen and Josiah sez kinder mad actin': "What do you want to feel of my polt for? My polt beats all right!"
He looked at his tongue, Josiah stickin' it out as if he wuz makin' a face at him. He inquired about symptoms, all of which Josiah answered snappishly, the examination over, the doctor walked the floor back and forth with one hand under his coat tail and the other in his breast in deep thought and then said:
[Illustration]
"My diagnosis denotes no diametrical and insurmountable difficulties but I would recommend a temporary transition or in other words a change of climate."
"Change of climate!" muttered Josiah, "I guess anybody that lives in this state gits changes enough, from torrid to zero in twenty-four hours lots of times—I'd like to know where you wintered!"
"Nevertheless and notwithstanding," sez Doctor Bombus, blandly ignoring Josiah's muttering impatience, "I can but recapitulate my former prescription, a temporary translation from surrounding environment."
And he gathered up his saddle bags and went out, bagoning me out into the hall as he did so. And then he advised me to take him to the St. Louis Exposition.
But I sez, "I dassent, I'm afraid it would open his woonds afresh, he knowed all the circumstances that had caused his sickness." But he wuz a Homeopath and believed in takin' the same kind of medicine backward and forward as it were, sunthin' as the poem runs:
Tobacco hic when you're well will make you sick,Tobacco hic will make you well when you're sick.
I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertakin', and I hardly dast, but he informed me in words more'n two inches long that he could do nothing more for him, and if I didn't foller his advice it would be at my own peril.
I felt turrible. What wuz I to do to do right? How wuz I to handle this enormous prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give it in proper doses to the beloved patient? I knowed the size of the mind I had to deal with, I knowed the size of the medicine I wuz told to deal out to that mind.
Could it stand the strain? Could that small citadel stand a assault of such magnitude without crumplin' and crumblin' right down? Dast I venter? And then agin dast I disobey the imperative advice of Doctor Bombus? So I wuz tossted to and fro like the waves of the sea.
But one thing I wuz determined on, I wouldn't start alone with him in the state he wuz in, for if he should lose his mind in that immense place how could I find it with no one to help me? It would be worse than lookin' for a cambric needle in a hay-mow.
I knew how the shafts of calumny and envy might be aimed at me by his relations, so I would take along one on his side to share my responsibility, so if he did lose his mind and couldn't find it agin, they couldn't find fault with me and say I hadn't done my best. So I proposed that his niece, Blandina Teeter, should go with us, she is well off and a willin' creeter.
[Illustration]
Josiah didn't seem to care either way, but languidly remarked that if he did go he wanted a sky blue neck-tie. That wuz the first sign of interest he had took in anything, and I hailed it as a good omen but got the tie as dark a blue as I dast.
Blandina Teeter, formerly Allen, is a widder with a tall spindlin' figger pale complected, with big light blue eyes that ruther stand out of her head, and a tall peaked forehead with light hair combed down smooth on both sides with scalops made in it by hand. She is good natered to a fault, you know you can kill yourself on milk porridge, and though folks don't philosophize on it you can be too good to be comfortable.
She is a natural lover of mankind, nothin' light in it, jest a deep meetin' house love. She wuz born that way onbeknown to her I spoze, and so I d'no as I ort to blame her for her soft ways. I hadn't seen her for some years and had kinder forgot how soft and squshy she wuz in her nater, and I declare for't when I got her and Josiah both together, had marshaled my forces, as you may say before my mind's review, I didn't know how I wuz goin' to git 'em to St. Louis and back agin hull. It did seem to me that if I got through all right with Josiah, she wuz that soft and meller she would spile on my hands anyway.
But she wuz the only one on his side available in the position of second chaperone to Josiah and so I took my chances.
She had been a widder some years; Teeter had used her shameful, spent her property and throwed her round considerable, but still she kep' up her perennial love and passionate adoration of man. And thinkses I it will work well anyway with her Uncle Josiah, for lovin' all mankind as she did from infancy to age, I knowed that bein' the only male in the party she would keep her eye on him.
Blandina wuz more than willin' when I explained matters to her. She said she felt that men wuz such precious creeters that too much care could not be took of 'em, and that it would give her the greatest pleasure to surround her Uncle Josiah with all the care that a most devoted affection could dictate.
She's an awful clever critter, it hain't good nater that she lacks. But there is sunthin' wantin' in her, I believe it is common sense.
But we sot out, I with considerable misgivin' at heart, but calm and cool on the outside, clad as I wuz in dignity and a gray braize delaine dress and a bunnet of the same color, I also wore my costly cameo pin fastened in my linen collar. Some gray lisle thread gloves and a rich Paisley shawl completed mytoot a sembly.
Blandina had on a soft yellerish dress, I guess it wuz lawn it looked most as soft as she did, and a hat that kinder drooped 'round her face trimmed with crushed strawberry roses. She also wore some open-work mitts, and a lace long shawl that had been her ma's.
Josiah had on his pepper and salt costoom, and in my partial eyes he wuz beautiful, but, oh, so sad, so deprested. Would the gloom ever be lifted from his beloved liniment? So my heart questioned itself as we helped ourselves out of the Democrat, Ury tendin' to the trunks.
It wuz a Monday mornin', for I felt that I wanted to tackle this job jest as I would a three weeks' washin', the first day of the week. Ury shook our hands firmly but sadly, promisin' to the last to see to things and not let the cows into the garden, and keep the buttery door shet up nights, for though the cat is not a habitual snooper, yet she will sometimes snoop.
The car wuz crowded, mebby folks had hearn of our goin' and wanted to ride a spell with us. 'Tennyrate Josiah and I had to be separated at the outset of our journey, he settin' with a man acrost the aisle; Blandina got a seat with an aged gentleman while I sot down with a pale complected woman in deep mournin'. Or at least what mournin' she had wuz deep. She wore a thick crape veil and black cotton gloves. But her dress wuz chocklate delaine. The mournin' wuz borryed, she told me most as soon as I sot down.
She wuz on the way to the funeral of her father. He had lived with her, but died while he wuz on a visit to her sister. She wuz feelin' dretful and said she didn't know what she would do without him; she took on real bad, and I sez, "Yes, losin' a pa is an awful loss."
"Yes," sez she, "pa wuz a dretful good man. I don't see what we're goin' to do without him; we shall miss him so makin' line fences. He knew all about where they ort to stand."
I wuz kinder took back. But then come to think it over I see it wuz better to be missed in line fences than not at all. She got out at the next station, and my own pardner took the vacant seat by my side, and on and on we wuz whirled from the peaceful shores of Jonesville to the pleasures and dangers of the great city.
As I said, I wanted to get to St. Louis the first of the week, but Josiah took it into his head that he wanted to visit his nephew, Orange Allen, who lives in the Ohio, and under the circumstances it wuz not for me to cross him in anything that wuz more or less reasonable. So we stopped there and had a good visit. He keeps a dairy farm and owns forty cows besides a wife and three young children; he is doing well. His pa havin' a horticultural and floral turn of mind, named his two boys Lemon and Orange. His girls are Lily, Rose and Violet. Lily is dark complected and so fat that she looks like a pillar with a string tied in the middle, and Rose and Violet are as humbly as they make but respectable. Folks ort to be more cautious in namin' children, but they're all married quite well, and we had a good visit with 'em, stayin' most of the time at Orange's.
And I see with joy that the shadder on my pardner's face lifted quite a little durin' our stay there, but of course this belated us and we didn't git to St. Louis till Saturday late in the afternoon. St. Louis is a big sizeable place. Mr. Laclede cut the tree for the first log-house in the forest where St. Louis now stands in 1764. America had several cities all started at that time, but St. Louis jest put in and growed, and now it is the fourth city in the United States. It's an awful worker, why it produces more in its factories than is produced by the hull of thirty-seven States, jest think on't! And it has thirty-two million folks to buy the things it produces. Twenty-seven railways run into it; the city rules itself and leads the world in many manufactures. They say it is the richest community in the world, and I couldn't dispute it, for they seemed jest rollin' in riches all the while I wuz there; wuzn't put to it for a thing so fur as I could see.
It is noted for its charities; it has the biggest Sunday-school in the world, two thousand three hundred and forty-four children in one school—jest think on't! Its Union railroad station is the finest in the Universe, so they say, and jest the buildin' covers twenty acres. And it has the greatest bridge over the greatest river in the world.
But everything has its drawbacks, the water there hain't like Jonesville water; I don't say it to twit 'em, but it is a solemn truth, the water is riley, they can't dispute it. I'd love to hand 'em out a pailful now and then from our well, and would if I had the chance—how they would enjoy it.
Blandina and I wanted to go to once to Miss Huff's, a woman we used to know in Jonesville who keeps a small boardin' house.
But Josiah, who had seen pictures on't, wanted to go to the Inside Inn. He said they'd advertised cheap rooms, it would have a stylish sound to tell on't in Jonesville and it would be so handy and equinomical for we wouldn't have to pay entrance fees. So to please him, which wuz the main effort of us two chaperones, we went there. We wuz tired to death that night anyway, and wanted a quiet haven and wanted it to once, for truly when Josiah pinted out the elegant buildin's that we passed I looked coldly on 'em, and said that there wuzn't one that looked so good to me as a goose feather piller would. And I had made up my mind that I wouldn't take a note or act as a Observer at all till Monday mornin'. So I faced the crowd and the Fair ground as not seein' 'em as it were, carryin' out my firm idee to begin' the job as Observer and Delineator the first day of the week.
The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin' as big as the hull of our neighborhood and I d'no but part of Loontown and Zoar, it wuz immense. And everywhere you'd look you would see this sign pasted up:
"Pay In Advance! Pay In Advance!"
Josiah acted real puggicky about it, he said he believed they had hearn we wuz comin' and got them signs printed for fear we would cheat 'em out of their pay or wuzn't able to pay. And he sez, "I'll let 'em know I am a solid man and have got money!" And he took out his little leather bag where he keeps the most of his money and showed 'em in a careless way, as much as fifteen dollars in cash.
I told him it wuz venturesome to show off so much money, but he said he wuzn't goin' to have 'em insinuatin' in this mean underhanded way that we couldn't pay our bills.
Blandina would pay her own bills, but then she's got plenty and Josiah said, "Let her pay for herself if she wants to." And I said:
"Well, I spoze it will make her feel better to pay her way."
"Yes," he sez, "and it makes me feel better too."
A young chap took our satchel bags and went to show us our room, and we went through one long hall after another, and walked and walked and walked, till I thought we should drop down. And finally Josiah stopped in his tracks and faced the feller, and sez he:
"Look here, young man, what do you take us for? We hain't runnin' for mail carriers, and we hain't niggers trainin' for a cake walk. We'd love to git a room and set down some time to-day!"
"Yes, sir," sez the man, "we are most to your rooms." And he turned and begun to go down stairs, and we follered him down two flights and started for a third one, and then Josiah faced him agin:
"What in Tunket ails you, anyway? Because we come from the country we don't propose to be put down suller amongst your cabbages and turnips! I want you to take us to some good rooms; I've paid in advance, dum you! and I'm goin' to stand for my rights."
"Yes, sir," sez the man, "they're good rooms."
And I knowin' we wuz three to one and if he wuz leadin' us off into a trap to git Josiah's money we could overpower him, I wunked for Josiah to keep still, but he wouldn't, but kep' on mutterin' whilst the man led us down two more flights, and into some quite good rooms, only if you'll believe it there wuz a tree growin' right up through our room as big as Josiah's waist.
And that made Josiah as mad as a hen agin, and he told the man, "We've been imposed upon ever since we entered this house. You knew we lived on the outskirts of Jonesville, and you've took liberties with us that you wouldn't if we had come from the heart of the village. But I'll let you know we're knowed and respected, and Jonesville will resent it to think you've put us in with trees, tryin' to make out we're green, I spoze."
But the man wuz up two flights of stairs by this time. And I quelled Josiah down by sayin' we would try to make the best on't. The hotel is built on a side hill, that's why we had to come down stairs; there are four stories more in the back than in front, and they wouldn't let 'em cut down all the trees so they had to build right round 'em.
But I ruther enjoyed it, and hung my mantilly up on it, there wuz some nails that somebody had left in it, and the tabs hung down noble. And as I told Josiah, "Trees are kinder sociable things anyway."
"Sociable!" he groaned. "We don't need trees in order to be sociable." And sure enough, on both sides on us wuz goin' on private conversations that we could hear every word on. It wuz a very friendly place.
Well, I het up my little alcohol lamp and made a cup of tea and we had lots left in our lunch basket. So I called Blandina, her room wuz only jest a little ways from ourn, and we had a good lunch and felt recooperated.
We slep' as well as we could considerin' the size and hardness of the mattress and pillows, and the confidences that wuz bein' poured into us onbeknown from both sides.
The house is built dretful shammy. Why I hearn that a man weighin' most three hundred took a room there, and comin' in one evenin' dretful tired from the day's tramp on the Fair ground leaned up heavy aginst the wall to pull off his boots, and broke right through into the next room.
And that room wuz occupied by a young married couple. You know it wuz dretful fashionable to marry and go to St. Louis on your tower. So they'd follered Fashion and the star of Love and wuz havin' a first rate time.
They had been there several days, and this evenin', he thinkin' his eyes of her, and feelin' very sentimental as wuz nateral, wuz readin' poetry to her, she settin' the picture of happiness and contentment with her feet on a foot-stool, her pretty hands clasped in her lap, and her eyes lookin' up adorin'ly into hisen as he read:
"Oh, beautious love, sweet realm of joy,No wild alarm shall ere thy sweet calm break."
When crash! bang! down come the partition with a half dressed man on top, brandishin' aloft a boot and screamin' like a painter, as wuz only natural. He broke right into Love's Sweet Realm and skairt 'em into fits.
She fell to once into highstericks, and he, when he recovered conscientiousness threatened to lick the man, and everybody in St. Louis, and made the air blue with conversation that the Realm of Love never ort to hearn on, and wouldn't probable for years and years if it hadn't been for thiscontrary temps.
I hearn this, but don't say it is so; you can hear most anything and it held us in all right.
The next day, bein' Sunday, Josiah thought it would be our duty to stay on the Fair ground and see the Pike, etc. But I sez: "Josiah, we will begin this hefty job right, we will go to meetin'."
So we went out into the city and hunted up a M.E. meetin' house and hearn a good sermon and went into class meetin' and gin testimonies both on us. And Blandina bein' asked to by a man went forward for prayers and sot for a spell on the sinners' bench. She's been a member for years, but she's such a clever creeter she wants to obleege everybody.
Well, havin' done our three duties we went back peaceful and pious in frame and went to walk in of course to our own temporary home. But what do you think! that misuble, cheatin' man at the gate asked us to pay to git in. We hearn afterward that this wuz a dishonest man and wuz sent off.
"Pay!" sez Josiah. "Pay to come home from meetin'? Did you want us to hang round the meetin' house all day and sleep on the steps? Or what did you want?"
The man kep' that stuny look onto him and sez, "Fifty cents each."
Josiah fairly trembled with rage as he handed out the money, and sez he in a threatenin' way, "You hain't hearn the last of this, young man. Square Baker of Jonesville will git onto your tracks, and you'd better have a tiger after you than have him when he's rousted up. Pay for comin' home from meetin', it is a disgrace to the nation! Call this a land of liberty when you have to pay for comin' home from meetin'!"
And sez he, as he took his change back, "Do you know what you're doin'?You're drivin' Samantha and me away from this place, and Blandina." Andsez he, with an air of shootin' his sharpest arrer, "We shall go to MissHuff's to-morry."
And so we did. Blandina and I wanted to go there in the first place, so we felt well about it. We had fulfilled our duties as chaperones to the fullest extent, and had also got our own two ways in the end, which is always comfortin' to a woman.
We found Miss Huff settled in a pleasant street in a good comfortable home, not so very fur away from the Fair ground. She's a widder with one son, young and good lookin', jest home from school; and a aged parent, toothless and no more hair on his head than on the cover of my glass butter dish. And I'll be hanged if I knowed which one on 'em Blandina paid the most devoted attention to whilst we wuz there, but nothin' light and triflin'.
She is likely, her morals mebby bein' able to stand more bein' so sort o' withy and soft than if they wuz more hard and brittle, they could bend round considerable without breakin'.
And Miss Huff had also a little grand-niece, Dorothy Evans, whose mother had passed away, and Miss Huff bein' next of kin had took into her family to take care of. Dretful clever I thought it wuz of Miss Huff. Dorothy's mother, I guess, didn't have much faculty and spent everything as she went along; she had an annuity that died with her, but she had been well enough off so she could hire a nurse for the child, an elderly colored woman, Aunt Tryphena by name, who out of love for the little one had offered to come to Miss Huff's just to be near the little girl.
And Dotie, as they well called her, for everyone doted on her, wuz as sweet a little fairy as I ever see, her pretty golden head carried sunshine wherever it went. And her big blue eyes, full of mischief sometimes, wuz also full of the solemn sweetness of them "Who do always behold the face of the Father."
I took to her from the very first, and so did Josiah and Blandina. The hull family loved and petted her from Miss Huff and her old father down to Billy, who alternately petted and teased her.
To Aunt Tryphena she wuz an object of perfect adoration. And Aunt Tryphena wuz a character uneek and standin' alone. When she wuz made the mould wuz throwed away and never used afterwards. She follered Dorothy round like her shadow and helped make the beds and keep the rooms tidy, a sort of chamber-maid, or ruther chamber-woman, for she wuz sixty if she wuz a day.
Besides Aunt Tryphena Miss Huff had two more girls to cook and clean. She had good help and sot a good table, and Aunt Feeny as they called her wuz a source of constant amusement and interest; but of her more anon.
We got to Miss Huff's in the afternoon and rested the rest of that day and had a good night's sleep.
In the mornin' Josiah, who went out at my request before breakfast to buy a little peppermint essence, come in burnin' with indignation, his morals are like iron (most of the time).
He said a man had been advisin' him to take the Immoral Railway as the best way of seein' the Fair grounds as a hull before we branched out to see things more minutely one by one.
"Immoral Railway!" he snorted out agin.
"I hope you didn't fall in with any such idee, Josiah Allen." And I sithed as I thought how many took that kind of railway and wuz whirled into ruin on't.
"Fall in with it! I guess the man that spoke to me about it thought I didn't fall in with it. I gin that feller a piece of my mind."
"I hope you didn't give him too big a piece," sez I anxiously; "you know you hain't got a bit to spare, specially at this time."
Oh, how I watched over that man day by day! I wanted the peppermint more for him than for me. I laid out if he seemed likely to break down to give him a peppermint sling.
Not that I am one of them who when fur away from home dash out into forbidden paths and dissipation, but I didn't consider peppermint sling wrong anyway, there hain't much stimulant to it.
Well, we started out for the Fair in pretty good season in the mornin', Billy Huff offered to go and put us on the right car, so he walked ahead with Blandina, Josiah and I follerin' clost in their rears. Blandina looked up at him and follered his remarks as clost and stiddy as a sunflower follers the sun. She had told me that mornin' whilst I wuz gittin' ready to start that he wuz the loveliest young man she had ever met, and a woman would be happy indeed who won him for her consort. And I said, as I pinned my collar on more firmly with my cameo pin, that I presoomed that he would make a good man and pardner when he growed up.
And she said, "Difference in age don't count anything when there is true love." Sez she, "Look at Aaron Burr and Lord Baconsfield," and she brung up a number more for me to look at mentally, whilst I wuz drapin' my mantilly round my frame in graceful folds.
But I told her I didn't seem to want to spend my time on them old ghosts that mornin', havin' such a big job on my hands to tackle that day as first chaperone to Josiah, and I got her mind off for the time bein', by the time I had fastened on my mantilly so the tabs hung as I wanted 'em to hang.
Josiah wuz for goin' into the show by the entrance nighest to Miss Huff's, but I said, "No, that may do for other times, but when I first enter this Fair ground as a Observer" (for in our visit to the Inside Inn we wuz only weary wayfarers, too tired to observe, and the Sabbath we felt wuz no time to jot down impressions). No, this day I felt wuz in reality ourdayboo, and I sez impressively, "I will not go sneakin' in by any side door or winder, I'm goin' to enter by the main gateway."
Josiah kinder hummed:
"Broad is the road that leads to deathAnd thousands walk together there."
But when he found we could go in there at the same price he didn't parley further, and Billy took us to the car that would leave us where I wanted to be.
The main entrance is in itself a noble sight worth goin' milds and milds to see, a long handsome buildin' curvin' round gracefully some in shape like a mammoth U only bendin' round more at the ends, and endin' with handsome buildin's, and tall pillars decorate the hull length and flags wave out nobly all along on top.
Mebby it wuz meant for a U and meant Union, a name good enough for entrance into anything or anywhere. And if it wuz I approved on't, and would encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so if they'd asked me beforehand. Union! a name commandin' world-wide respect, writ in blue and gray on millions of hearts, sealed with precious blood.
The centre of the long buildin' peaks up and arches over you in such a lofty and magnificent way that you feel there some as Miss Sheba must have felt when she went to visit Mr. and Miss Solomon or the Misses Solomon, I spoze I ort to say, he had a variety of wives, though it is nothin' I ever approved on, and would told him so if I'd had the chance.
But good land! Mr. Solomon never had any sights to show Miss Sheba approachin' this Fair, I wouldn't been afraid to take my oath on't.
We riz the flight of steps which hundreds and hundreds could rise similtaneously and abreast, paid our three fares and went in. And when you first stand inside of that gate the beauty jest strikes you in your face some like a great flash of lightnin', only meller and happifyin' instead of blindin'.
And the vastness of it as you look on every side on you impresses you so you feel sunthin' as you would if you wuz sot down on the Desert of Sara, and Sara wuz turned into vistas of bewilderin' beauty towards every pint of her compass.
There wuz broad, smooth paths leadin' out on every side all on 'em full of folks from every country in the world, and clad in every costoom you ever see or ever didn't see before. Folks in plain American dress side by side with dark complected folks wropped up seemin'ly in white sheets, jest their black-bearded faces and flashin' eyes gleamin' at you from the drapery. Then there would be mebby a pretty young girl with a rose-bud face under a lace parasol. Two sweet-faced nuns in sombry black with their pure white night caps on under their clost black bunnets and veils, and follerin' them some fierce lookin' creeters in red baggy trousers embroidered jackets and skull caps with long tossels on 'em; Persians mebby, or Arabs.
As Josiah looked at these last I hearn him murmur as if to himself, "Why under the sun didn't Samantha put in my dressin' gown with tossels, and the smokin' cap Thomas J. gin me, I could showed off some then."
But I pretended not to hear him for my eyes wuz fastened on the passin' pageant. Smart lookin' bizness men with handsome well-dressed wives and children, then a Injun with striped blanket, beaded moccasins and head-dress of high feathers. Then a American widder, mebby a plain one, and mebby grass; then some more wimmen. Then some Chinamen with long dresses and pig-tails follered by some gawky, awkwud country folks; some more smart-lookin' Americans. Some English tourists with field-glasses strapped over one shoulder. Some Fillipinos in yellerish costoom. Then a kodak fiend ready to aim at anything or nothin' and hit it; then some Scotchmen in Tarten dress and follerin' clost some Japans, lots and lots of them scattered along. Then some brown children and their mothers, the children dressed mostly in a sash and some beads, and some more pretty white children dressed elaborate, and some niggers, and some soldiers, and some more wimmen, and more folks, and some more, and some more, in a stiddy and endless stream.
Good land! I couldn't sort out and describe them that passed by in an hour even, no more than I could sort out and describe the slate stuns in Jonesville creek, and you well know that wagon loads could be took out of one little spot.
Josiah said to me, "Why jest to look at this crowd, Samantha, pays anybody for comin' here clear from the Antipathies."
Sez I, "Josiah, you mean the Antipodes."
"I mean what I say!" he snapped out, "and les's be movin' on, no use standin' here all day."
He don't love to be corrected. But truly that immense and strangely assorted crowd constantly comin', constantly goin' and changin' all the time wuz a sight well worth comin' from Jonesville to see, even if we didn't see a thing more. But, oh, what didn't we see! what a glorious sight as our eyes left the crowd and looked 'round us. Why the wonder and beauty on't fairly struck you in the face some like a flash of lightnin' only more meller and happifyin'.
There you are in the beautiful Court of St. Louis. And right in the centre sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin' horse, holdin' up a cross, I wuz glad to see that cross held up as if in benediction over all the immense crowd below, it seemed as if it begun the Fair right, jest as it begins the week right to go to meetin' Sunday.
I always sot store by Saint Louis. Leadin' them Crusades of hisen to protect Christians and free the Holy Land from lawless invaders. How much I thought on him for it. Though I could advised him for his good in lots of things if I'd been 'round.
Now his marryin' a girl twelve years old who ort to been in pantalettes and high aprons, I should tried to break it up, I should told him plain and square that I wouldn't have heard for a minute to his marryin' our Tirzah Ann at that age. She shouldn't married him if he'd been King Louis twenty or thirty instead of nine. But I wuzn't there and he went on and had his way, as men will.
But he acted noble in lots of things, made a wise ruler and a generous one, lived and died like a hero. And I was glad to see him riz up in such a sightly place, holdin' up the cross he wuz willin' to give his life for.
He looked first rate, he wore a sort of a helmet and had a cloak on, shaped some like my long circle cape, only it didn't set so good, and I wuz sorry they didn't have my pattern to cut it by. Hisen kinder curled up at the back, they ort to cut it ketterin'. Two noble statutes stood on each side on him, kinder guardin' him as it were, though he didn't need it as long as he clung to the cross. Scattered all along by the side of the broad paths wuz little green oasises, on which the splendor-tired and people-tired eyes could rest and recooperate a little.
In front of you quite a little ways off on each side stood immense snow-white palaces each one on 'em seemin' more beautiful than the last one you looked at, full of sculptured beauty and with long, long rows of pearl white collumns and ornaments of all kinds. Beyond, but still as it were in the foreground, as it ort to, high up on a lofty pedestal stood the statute of Peace.
My pardner, who for reasons named, wuz inclined to pick flaws in this glorious Exposition, sez to me:
"What's the use of sculpin' Peace up on so high a monument and showin' her off as if she wuz safe and sound, and then histin' cannons up right by her throwin' balls that will travel twenty milds and then knock her sky high."
I sithed, but almost onbeknown to myself looked at the Cross, and hoped that that divine light would go ahead through the wilderness of world warfare makin' a safe path, so Peace could git down from her high monument bime-by and walk round some through the world without gittin' her head blowed off.
Smilin' and gleamin' jest beyond wuz the bright sunny waters on which little boats painted in bright colors with gay awnin's wuz glidin' about here and there, and bursts of melodious song come from the gayly attired boatmen anon or oftener. And furder on wuz the Grand Basin, a large beautiful piece of water, and back on't down a green hill seventy feet high leaps and bounds and gurgles and sings three glitterin' cascades, each one seemin' to start out from a splendid buildin' up on the hill.
The ones on the side smaller, but the middle one a grand and stately palace called Festival Hall, and jinin' these three buildin's together are what they call the Collonnade of States. A impressive row of snow-white pillows, and on them pillows, settin' up in the place of honor, are big statutes of female wimmen, fourteen in number, symbolic of the original States of the Louisiana Purchase.
I wanted to go right up to Festival Hall the first minute, it didn't seem fur it wuz through such seens of bewilderin' beauty, but a bystander standin' by said it wuz half a mild.
But Josiah kinder nudged me and said, "Mebby we'd better take the Immoral Railway. With you by my side, Samantha, I feel I can face its dangers."
Sez I, "Where has your principle gone that you had this mornin',Josiah?"
"I have got it, Samantha, jest the same; I hain't used none this time o' day. But I thought I would kinder love to tell the brethren I'd rid on it." And before I could parley with him he asked that same bystander, a good lookin' iron gray man,
"Where is the Immoral Railway?"
"The Intre Moral Railway starts there," sez he, pintin' to a place quite nigh to us.
"Intre Moral," sez I to myself; "that is a good name." And as we wended our way to it through the crowds of folks of every name and nation I sez to myself, "I'd love to ride on it." For havin' naterally so scientific and deep a mind I love to trace back words like little rivulets, to their source, and see where they spring from. For meandering through the ages they gather lots of foreign stuff and take queer turns.
Intre Moral, I took it that that meant extra moral. I liked the sound on't, and we got on and rode quite a spell, and see everything we could, and when we went clear 'round on that, we got onto a big ortomobile and rid 'round on that so's we could see the hull Fair as it were in one picture, before we examined its glories more minutely one by one.
[Illustration]
And I should have took sights of comfort viewin' the magnificent seens spread out and growin' and changin' every minute if I hadn't had to kep' one eye onto Josiah Allen all the time, or as you may say two eyes, one my own gray orb and the other the eye of my specs. The seen wuz so hugely grand, so magnificently stupendous, and the mind that it wuz my duty as first chaperone to guard wuz so small I sez to myself, could it be bombarded by that immense grandeur and not utterly collapse. But Blandina wuz on the other side on him, so I didn't feel as I should had the responsibility devolved on me alone.
But he bore it well. He looked off on the seen grander than anything Fairy Land ever dremp on or ever will, I believe. And then he looked pensively at my silk bag where I'd stored all the cookies and nut-cakes it would hold, to keep up his strength between meals.
And so gradually I dropped my agonizing anxiety and let my eyes drink in the onequalled beauty of the seen as we went by the tall glorious palaces towerin' up in white magnificence. Past sparklin' water spaces filled with gay pleasure craft full of happy white-robed voyagers. Past the spans of arched bridges leadin' from one seen of glory to another, past tall white shafts carryin' up to the listenin' Heavens deeds of glory and valor.
Past white statutes more beautiful than poet's dreams, risin' up from green velvet lawns or marble terraces. Broad highways would dawn on our vision, anon vistas of incomparable beauty way off, way off as fur as we could see would open up other views jest as fair. Anon the columned walls of some nearby palace would seem to close in the view, and then agin the fur vision, and anon the blue waters flowin' on and on. And scattered all over the ground roamed the happy people, men, wimmen and children of every name and nation, clothed in every garb that folks ever wore under the sun, and some, it seemed to me, made up jest for that occasion, as Eve started her new fashion of fall dress, only this wuzn't made of leaves, no indeed! fur from it.
But I believe the foreign costoom we see most of all wuz the Japan. And all through the Fair that nation seemed to show off in the very first rank. Well, I wuz willin', I always kinder liked 'em, they're so polite and courteous to everybody, and as for makin' storks and folks settin' on nothin' and lookin' perfectly comfortable settin' on it, they go fur ahead of anybody else, and they have lots of other noble qualities. In cleanin' house time, now I have fairly begreched the ease and comfort of them Japanese housewives who jest take up their mat and sweep out, move their paper walls a little mebby and there it is done.
No heavy, dirt-laden carpets to clean, no papered walls and ceilings to break their back over, no trumpery brickaty brack to take care of and dust and make life a burden. Kind hearted, reverent to equals and superiors—trained to kindness and courtesy and reverence in childhood when American mothers are ruled and badgered by short skirted and roundabout clad tyrants.
I set store by the Japans and am glad to hear how fast they're pressin' forwards in every path civilization has opened; science, art and the best education. And wuz glad to see so many of 'em here. They could give Uncle Sam a good many lessons if he wuz willin' to take 'em. But good as he is he is a heady old creeter, and won't be driv into anything and has a powerful good opinion of himself.
But to resoom forwards. After we'd gone the complete 'round of the Intre Moral Railway and ortemobile we got out agin on the Plaza not fur from where we embarked, and at my request we took a boat. Josiah chose one of the handsomest ones with the front end kinder bowin' up and a bright-colored awnin' over it; they called it a gondola.
The gondolier had bold flashin' black eyes and a gay suit that struck Josiah's fancy, and I knowed by his looks he wuz meditatin' on what Might Have Been. I felt that he wuz in fancy rowin' a boat up our creek in a red coat and green hat with yeller feathers mebby, carryin' sister Submit Tewksbury or sister Gowdey, sailin' towards his own Exposition of St. Josiah. There wuz a sad pensive look on his liniment that belonged to ruined hopes and blighted emotions.
Blandina whispered to me she thought the gondolier a image of beauty and wondered if he had a companion; she said she believed he would be devoted to a wife if he had one that looked up to him.
I answered her like one talkin' onbeknown to herself, two of my eyes and my spectacles furtively watchin' the liniment of my beloved pardner, and my speritual eyes feastin' on the perfect loveliness of the seen. Broad smooth waters how beautiful they were, dotted with craft similar to ourn and freighted with happy voyagers dartin' here and there, and some of the boats wuz the queerest shapes, one on 'em looked jest exactly like a big white swan, and there wuz one, if you'll believe it, that looked like a sea serpent, I wouldn't have rid in it for a dollar bill, though Josiah said he'd love to tell Deacon Henzy that he'd straddled the old sea serpent and rid to shore on it.
But I sez, "Good land, Josiah, you don't ride on the outside on it, there is a place fixed inside somewhere for passengers."
But most of the boats wuz handsome. Anon the water lay smooth and fair about us, and fur off we could see immense fountains risin' right up out of the glassy surface, sprayin' up and glitterin' down floods of rainbow glory.
Agin we landed on terry firmy I a feelin' as if we wuz roamin' through Fancy's fields, for it seemed as if cold Reality never could have planned anything approachin' what wuz all round us. For as you draw nigh the glittering Cascades you fairly stop bewildered by the beauty, and most want to shet your eyes on it, not knowin' what path to choose where all are so bagonin' full of allurements and the hull world seemin' to be allured there by 'em. On one side the glory of the waters dashing, sparkling, bounding along down, with fountains sprayin' up every little while, and white statutes smilin' down on us nigher by. On the other side green verdure and beyond and on every side the glory of the water, and above us the most magnificent buildin' in the world flanked on each side with the long Colonnade of States.
And speakin' of statutes, jest think of the sculptured groups we passed by that eventful day, more'n I could describe in a month of Sundays. Louis and Clark, the very men I'd read about in Gasses Journal, how I wished their eyes could see and their ears hear me. How interested and proud they would have been to hear me tell how even as a child I loved to hear mother Smith read about their journeyin's into the new and onexplored country, findin' swamps and stumps and savages, where now wuz smilin' gardens and palaces. Then there was Robert Livingstone, and Franklin, noble high souled old creeter, I always loved him in a meetin' house sense, drawin' down lightnin' and so forth—he wuz the very Pa of electricity as you may say.
And James Monroe, and Boone, and Settin' Bull, yes there wuz Settin'Bull settin' or ruther standin' right in that great company. And all on'em mute and onafraid, onmindful of the presence of a Samantha andJosiah, I felt to pity 'em.
But the noblest meanin' statute of all in my eyes wuz right in front of the main Cascade. There stood a immense statute of Liberty, raisin' the veil of Ignorance and protectin' Truth and Justice. Ignorance don't want her eyes oncovered, she'd 'drather keep on blind as a bat. But Liberty hain't goin' to mind her, she wuz bound to git the bandages off; I wanted to encourage her in it and I waved my hand towards her and smiled in lovin' greetin'. Josiah thought I wuz flirtin', and asked me anxiously if I'd got sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn't dain to reply to him—at my age! and with my reputation to carry round! The idee!
Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot where the central cascade gushes out, what a seen lay spread out before us. You can look off two milds one way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in the world milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty differin' from the other as one star differs from another in glory. Eight magnificent palaces are in full sight, their walls bathed by the blue waters, and beyond 'em, interspersed by green foliage, wuz a perfect wilderness of towers, minarets, domes, banners, battlements.
I hain't goin' to describe what I looked down on, for I can't. No, if I had a big book of synonyms to the words Grand and Glorious and used every one on 'em tryin' to describe that seen I couldn't begin to do justice to it, and so what is the use of tryin' with the Jonesville vocabulary.
And if I can't describe it, don't for pity sake ask Josiah Allen to, for you might know that if I couldn't he wouldn't stand no chance. But I hearn him gin a sort of gaspin' sithe as he looked, and Blandina I believe forgot for a few minutes her passionate though chaste, overrulin' passion.
As magnificent as the hull of St. Louis Exposition is, it naterally has one spot handsomer than the rest, a particular beauty spot as you may say. Why every house has it. The beauty of my parlor kinder branches out, as you may say, from my new rep rocker, a lovely work of art that cost over six dollars. I keep it in the sightliest place, where the eye of man can fall on it at first. And the central beauty spot of the Fair wuz centered in the place I have been talkin' about.
I'd hearn that it wuz some the shape of a fan and we had talked it over between us, whether it would look like my best paper fan I carry to meetin' Sundays, or my big turkey feather fan. But, good land! they dwindled down so in my mind while I stood there that I might be said to never have sot my eyes on a turkey's feather, or a turkey or anything. It is a spectacle that once seen is never forgot.
The central spot, or handle of the fan (in allegory), is occupied by Festival Hall and on either side stretches out the beautiful Collonnade of States with its lovely and heroic female wimmen settin' up there as if sort o' takin' care of the hull concern. I spoke to Blandina about it, how pleased I wuz to see my sect settin' up so high in the place of honor, and she sez:
"Oh, Aunt Samantha, I cannot rejoice with you, it rasps my very soul to see men slighted! What would the world do without men?"
"Well," sez I, wantin' to please her, "men do come handy lots of times. But," sez I reasonably, "the world wouldn't last long if it wuzn't for wimmen." But to resoom.
At each end of the Collonnade, peakin' up a little higher, is a sort of a round shaped buildin', beautiful in structure, where food can be obtained. And knowin' the effect on men of good food I knowed this wuz a sensible idea, for no matter how festivious a man may be, and probably is in Festival Hall, yet his appetite stretches out on both sides on him jest as it wuz depicted here. And female wimmen stand between him and starvation most of the time. I considered the hull thing highly symbolical and loved to see it.
But jest think of a magnificent picture containin' all that is most beautiful in land and water, extendin' in a graceful, curvin' way three thousand feet. Why that's as fur as from our house over the Ebenezer Bobbettses, and I d'no but furder, and every foot and inch of it perfectly beautiful. How much land do you spoze is took up by this central spot of beauty? Now if I should ask sister Sylvester Gowdey, who always thinks she knows everything worth knowin', if I should say, "How much land do you spoze, sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this central beauty spot of the Fair?" I'll bet she'd say, "Mebby half an acre."
But I'd say, "Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres."
I d'no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it's so, the livin' truth. Why, the three Cascades are three hundred feet long. Beautiful in the daytime as a dream of Paradise! fancy it in the evening when thousands and thousands of colored lights lend their glowin' charm to the seen. Why you almost cover your eyes from the bewilderin' glory on't. And as I said to Josiah, "We shall never see another seen so beautiful till we see Jerusalem the Golden descend before our rapt vision." And he bein' kinder fraxious, sez:
"I hain't seen that yet, nor you nuther."
"By the eye of Faith I have, Josiah."
"Well, tain't no time or place for preachin', we better be gittin' along!"
Right under the main Cascade we went down into a beautiful grotto all lighted up, with one hull side of the room made of fallin' water. I never expected to step into such a place. I have felt perfectly satisfied when I've papered over my dining-room with paper a shillin' a roll, and it did look well. But what wuz it to this? Refreshments are served down there clost to the sparklin' liquid side of the room, and Josiah wantin' to go the hull figure, set down and eat a nut-cake which I gin him.
They say stimulants can be obtained down here. And mebby they can, them that seek can generally find, there wuz a serpent in Paradise; butIdidn't see any, I spoze the noble look on my face would dant any dealer in such pizen from displayin' it to me. And it ain't likely that Josiah with two chaperones would set eyes on any.
The two side cascades represent the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Josiah sez in a kinder patronizing way, "They're likely Cascades, but I can't see in what way they represent oceans."
And I sez, "It hain'tforyou to know everything, Josiah, you hain't expected to. Such knowledge would be more than you with your small frame could stand up under."
"Oh, keep throwin' my size in my face. It's a pity I hain't a giraffe, then mebby I'd suit you." And he added snappishly, "I'll bet you can't tell yourself how they look like oceans."
And I sez, "I wuz never any hand to tell all I knew, I always thought it wuz best to keep one story back."
But to tell the truth I couldn't see how they represented oceans, only they wuz both water, but so is a teacupful of water, or a spunful. Another way they differed from the ocean, the water hain't there all the time, only once in awhile. Josiah, bent on findin' fault, sez:
"Pretty oceans they be! Dry land most all the time."
But I sez, "I've always wished the Atlantic would dry up long enough for me to go over afoot or with the old mair, like the Israelites over the Red Sea, I'd start to-morry." I'm afraid of deep water. Why half the time I'm afraid of our creek and dassent go acrost the foot bridge.
But the water wuz there when we see 'em, and the Cascades wuz beautiful as a dream and more beautiful than lots of mine, specially when I'm tired out.
As to representin' the two oceans, I spoze it means them beautiful golden tinted statutes, the Spirit of the Atlantic and the Spirit of the Pacific that stands at the head of the Cascades.
Well, we hung round there a long time, and finally at my request we went into Festival Hall and sot down a spell and rested. And I thought as I sot there I'd like to ask Sister Gowdey how big she thought this buildin' wuz. She would never dream it covered two hull acres, but it duz, three or four thousand people can set in it, and its organ is the biggest in the world, more than ten thousand pipes in it and each pipe as full of music as an egg is of meat.
The two pipes havin' the lowest notes a small horse can walk through or two good-sized men standin' side by side. So you can imagine the streams of melody that can float through them immense channels. It has one hundred and forty stops, every one on 'em that will stop if told to quick as a wink.
It took a train of ten cars to bring it from Los Angelus where it wuz made. You can imagine how its music fairly shakes the ground and carries you off your feet, seemin'ly like the very music of the spears.
Good land! what's Tirzah Ann's organ compared to it? And I thought that wuz as good as any they make, the agent said it wuz; we paid over sixty dollars for it.
And who do you think dedicated this most beautiful structure that wuz ever built, to the music of the biggest organ in the world'? Why, it wuz woman, my own female sect. I tell you it made me proud to think on't. It wuz told me by one that wuz there that it wuz filled with wimmen on that occasion, and as many men as could git in after the wimmen wuz seated.
Jest think on't, oh, my sect! who have been used to sneakin' up back stairs to look down on men seated in state at banquet tables, or peak from the gallery at the Capitol to see 'em nobly engaged in makin' laws to govern her, tellin' her how to spend the money she earned herself, and how long to send her to jail, and where and when to hang her, and etcetery; while she could only jest peak at 'em. Oh, my soul! wuzn't it a agreeable state of affairs the doin's here at Festival Hall? As I said to Josiah as we sot there, "Don't it show my sect is lookin' up?"
And he said he never found wimmen backward in lookin' up, he said he never see a place that would dant 'em and stop their tongues from waggin'. He made light of the great incident and would been glad to had men dedicate it; indeed he jest the same as told me he felt the Exposition had stood in its own light in not havin' a certain leadin' man in Jonesville, who wuz way up in political and moral life, havin' held the offices of path-master and deacon. "But," sez he, with some bitterness of sperit and speakin' skornfully:
"What if wimmen did dedicate it? They can git up dressed in their silks and shiffoniers, and talk, talk, but they can't vote no matter how well off they be. They've got to pony up and pay taxes and toe the mark in law jest as men tell 'em to."
"Why," sez he, warmin' with his subject, "we men can set on you in juries and you can't help yourselves, and hang you and so forth. And you W.C.T.U. wimmen would have to let your tax money go to pay for drinkin' shacks if we men of Jonesville, and the world, took it into our heads to make you. Why," sez he, lookin' more and more big feelin' as he went on, as why shouldn't he, as he recounted men's glorious advantages,
"Nate Flanders, who is most a fool, can vote and make you knuckle down and do as he tells you to. And don't you remember that time the 'lection run so clost they got up old bed-ridden Nate Haskins, whose brain had been softenin' for years, and his wife had to dress him and git him ready for the pole, he callin' on his wife, Nancy, to put on every identical garment and tell where it went, and when they got him to the pole he wouldn't vote because Nance wuzn't there to tell him which ticket to vote. She'd jest kep' that voter alive for years, and been head and hands for him, but she couldn't vote and he could."
Everybody has seen hosses run off the track when they wuz goin' too fast; Josiah wuz so engaged in runnin' wimmen's pride down, he didn't realize where he wuz gallopin' to. "And there wuz Jane Ellis who lost her husband and two boys through drinkin', she had to let her tax money be used to help nominate a license man, who opened a liquor saloon right under her nose, and the last boy she had took to drinkin' and killed himself last week drunk as a fool."
"I'd be ashamed to boast of that, Josiah Allen, I'd be ashamed on't."
"Well," sez he, lookin' kinder meachin', "I didn't say I approved of that, I only said it to prove how weak and triflin' a thing woman really is in the eyes of the law." And the rubber-like self-esteem of a male, havin' sprung back in full force, he went on:
"Why, Miss Corkins, up to Zoar, that pays bigger taxes than any man in town, earnt it all herself too in the millionary bizness, why, that snub-nosed nigger that drives for her can vote, and she can't. And then I'd talk about dedicatin' the biggest buildin' in the world, singin' hims on the biggest organ and lettin' a few men into the back door—I wouldn't feel so big about it if I wuz you.
"Why, we men jest throw such little compliments in the way of females to keep you contented, jest as I throw crumbs from the table to Bruno to home and pat him on the back. He knows he can't come to the table. We men jest hang onto the ballot; wimmen hain't goin' to git holt of that in a hurry and boss us round, no indeed!"
Oh, how obstrepolous and important he did talk and act! And Blandina lookin' up so admirin' at him and agreein' to every word he said, jest for all the world like an anty, seemed to rile me worse than anything else. But as long as I couldn't dispute a word he said, knowin' it wuz as true as gospel, I kep' demute, and hoped he would take it for a dignified silence that wouldn't dain to argy.
Well, we had our lunch in a box and a bottle of cold tea, and we eat it, and rested quite a spell, Josiah's good nater returnin' with every mouthful he took, till by the time we got ready to start out agin, he wuz as clever a critter as I want to see.
I wanted to tackle the Palace of Arts next, as it wuz quite nigh by considerin'. The Fair grounds are so immense that you have to travel quite a distance to git anywhere. But Josiah said he wanted to see sunthin' that wuz of practical use, ondervaluin' beauty, the great Power, as some do. He wanted to see sunthin' solid, such as mines and metals. And of course Blandina jined in with him, and though that is what I wanted of her, as second chaperone, it provoked me time and agin; queer, hain't it?
So as that too wuz quite nigh by, we went to the Palace of Mines and Metals. It wuz a beautiful buildin', the walls covered with ornamental carvin' and ornaments, and two tall pillars standin' up each side of the entrance as if they wuz two Genis jealously guardin' the Under World from intrusion. But we got by 'em. And what didn't we see there? Everything that wuz ever dug out of the earth, and the way it wuz discovered, mined and made useful to man.
Gems, precious stuns, granite, marble and all the processes for cutting and polishing. Minerals of all kinds, natural mineral paints and fertilizers, cement, luminants and waters. Asbestos, mica, coal, coal oil and all the machinery for refining and storing it. Displays for natural gas, petroleum; everything relating to lighting mines; safety lamps; oils; electricity; acetyline. Most interestin' display in geology; all kinds of rocks; crystal; clay; ores; nickel and all the metals for making iron and steel and makin' 'em right there before you. Explosives used in the Under World. Everything relating to the workin' of salt mines; oil wells; metals, photographs; maps, illustrating how these riches of the earth wuz deposited, and all the machinery for collecting and making them useful to man.
And there wuz a place where we could see a miner's cabin, and miners at work, blasting, draining, driving tunnels, drilling, traveling underground. A gold mill; a New Mexican turquoise mine; a lead, zinc and copper mine, all working there before us; and a coal mine discovered there on the Exposition grounds, an underground railway connected these two mines. And all sorts of mineral waters, queer things they be flowin' side by side out of the same ground as different as water and wine. And there wuz a foundry and mint for makin' money.
Imagine a buildin' coverin' nine acres full of such interestin' sights, and thirteen acres out-doors. For you must remember that it wuz not only the riches of America's Under World, but the wealth of England, France, Germany, Sweden, Italy, Japan and in fact every foreign nation. Josiah reveled in it, and so did Blandina vicariously. And I enjoyed it too, for I always wuz wonderin' what wuz goin' on under my feet, and now I had a glimpse on't.
Well, we stayed there a long time and went from there into Manufactures Buildin', when who should we meet but Uncle Giles Petigrew, a M.E. deacon who used to live in Zoar but who had moved to St. Louis some years before. We used to know him well. He wuz a old man when he left Zoar, and had lost four wives a runnin' before he left there, and of course I didn't know how many he'd lost since he come West, I see he wore a mournin' weed, and mistrusted he'd lost another, and so it turned out. It beats all what bad luck he has had. He wuzn't to blame for any one on 'em, 'tennyrate them that passed away at Zoar, and I spozed it wuz jest the same here. Never pizened any of 'em, or divorced 'em or anything, it wuz jest his bad luck.
He seemed real glad to see us and wuz dretful chipper for a man most a hundred; he got hold of my hand and shook it as if he never would leggo, and went right on confidin' in me about his lost companion, what a treasure she wuz, and what a loss.
And I sez, "Your wives wuz real nice wimmen, most all on 'em wuz, or them that I knowed."
"Oh, yes," sez he, "and these blows that has fell on me has most onmanned me."
And I sez in pityin' axents, "You won't try to git another wife, will you, Uncle Giles?"
"Yes, I shall, as long as the Lord keeps a takin', I shall—is that woman with Josiah a widder?"
I answered evasive, and kinder stepped in between him and Blandina, I didn't want her to hear what he wuz sayin', I dassent. It wouldn't been best for her to married a man most a hundred. And I knowed her soft nater made her a willin' martyr to widower's wiles. Age made no difference to Blandina. And I dassent venter to let him git nearer to her. So I bid him a hasty good-by and linked my arm into hern and led her away. She lookin' back and sayin', "How agreeable and willin' a lookin' man that wuz," and I hurried her on fast to Manufactures Buildin'—stoppin' by the way to see the beautiful Sunken Garden.
The display in Manufactures is so large that they fill two immense palaces, Manufacturers and Varied Industries, and you'd git lost you couldn't help it, amongst the bewilderin' and endless native and foreign displays, only the aisles are divided off into streets and squares, all the same width, so you can git 'round first-rate. And if you had ten or fifteen years you could spend here you might possibly see most of the displays of your own native land and all the foreign countries. These two palaces cover twenty-eight acres, as big as Luman Gowdey's farm that he gits a good livin' on, and the hull twenty-eight acres are full of interestin' sights. You can walk nine miles in it right ahead—as fur as from Jonesville way up to Zoar, and back agin.
And jest think of every single thing that wuz ever manufactured from a hatpin to a rose-wood bedstead, and from a needle to a piano, and there it wuz in plain sight if you could git to it, for truly you got bewildered amongst the endless displays. Furniture, upholstery, all sorts of cloth, silk, wool and cotton that wuz ever woven, all kinds of silver and gold, and pearl and jet and shell and ivory articles that wuz ever used, clocks, watches, jewels, embroideries, laces, carpets, curtains, wall paper, stationery, hardware, glass and crystal, furs, bronze, ironware, leather goods, stained glass, artists' supplies, tailor shop, rubber store, toy store.
But good land! what is the use of tryin' to name 'em over? I couldn't do it if I had a blank book as big as a dictionary and writ it full. But you can jest think of everything manufactured you ever see, or ever didn't see and there it wuz, and more and more and more, and I might fill pages with "mores," but what use would it be.
But one of the best things we see at the hull Fair wuz there in the Palace of Varied Industries. For to the thinkin' mind, the countless display of articles, the marvels and magnificence of this Exposition is not its main value, but its educational worth, its power to inspire and teach the people of the world better ways of living and working, how to make the most and best of life for themselves and others. And among the educational exhibits one of the most interestin' to my mind is the one I speak on in the Varied Industries Palace.
The company that displays this has other interestin' exhibits at different places at the Exposition, but here they have a display that I wish the head of every big concern that employs labor could see and study and take to heart. This company employs thousands of men and wimmen in makin' a machine that wonderfully simplifies labor.
But where the real educational value comes in hain't in the machine itself, or the makin' on't, though that's interestin', but the way this company treats its employees.
You sit in a neat little theatre, fitted up with easy seats, and electric fans and every comfort, and right in front of you, throwed onto a big screen, are pictures from real life showin' Capital and Labor dwellin' together like a lion and a lamb, and the child Justice leadin' 'em.
Here you see and hear in the interestin' talk of the lecturer pictures from the old time, when the company first begun its work up to the gigantic plant and immense buildings of to-day. You see a woman tryin' to warm some coffee over a radiator, they say the president of the company see that, and it first made him think of furnishin' a lunch room with a kitchen and every convenience for his employees.
You see pictures of the women employees goin' to their work a half hour later than the men, so the cars won't be so crowded. You see 'em at their recreation time of fifteen minutes, at ten in the forenoon and three in the afternoon, goin' through their physical exercises, or some other recreation to brighten 'em up for the rest of the day.
Then you see 'em at their clubs and classes, or playing tennis or baseball, or in the big auditorium built for their use, listenin' to some great orator or fine musician. These employees are not drudges, but joy is labor and labor is joy.
Then there is a picture showing a street of the homes of these employees, pretty houses with windows and doorways covered with vines and bright blossoms, makin' a picture of what some say is the most beautiful street in the world.
And there are pictures of noted people who have been there to study and learn their methods, folks from foreign countries, who will carry the blessed and beautiful example seen here to other lands. In one view is a Prince and Princess who went there to learn their ways, lookin' admirin'ly on. In another is a Cardinal givin' his benediction to thousands of the happy workers.
It is a sermon better than is often preached, what you see there in that little theatre. It is Love and Labor and Beauty and Joy walkin' hand in hand. I wuz highly tickled with it, and spent a glad hour here.
But Josiah and I thought we'd seen enough for one day, and would go home. But Blandina wanted to look over the articles of men's wearin' apparell a little more; I don't see what comfort they wuz to her but she said, "They brought back memories." And I spoze they did make her think of Teeter and mebby his possible successor. But one thing, I believe, that made her want to stay, we met Billy Huff jest as we wuz comin' out of the buildin', and Blandina proposed that she should stay a little longer with him and I gin a willin' consent, more willin' it seemed to me than Billy wuz, though he couldn't refuse to escort home a guest of the house.
But Josiah and I went home and both on us used some anarky on our tired limbs, and he cleaned the mud offen our shoes, for truly it wuz faithful and stuck by us.
It had rained the night before and that made it dretful muddy, Josiah acted real grouty about it and sot there mutterin' and complainin' about the mud till I got kinder wore out and sez:
"For mercy sake! I guess you've seen mud before, Josiah Allen. Think of our Jonesville streets after a heavy rain."
"Well, they never wuz so muddy that I lost the old mair in 'em, and a man told me to-day that they lost a elephant here the other day, it went right down in the mud out of sight, and they never see hide or hair of him agin."
"Don't you believe that, Josiah Allen; it hain't no such thing, I hearn all about it, the elephant didn't go clear in. He didn't go more than half in, they could see his back all the time and they got him out all right."