CHAPTER XIII.
PERMANENT WAY.
"Will you listen to me for a few minutes?"
"Yes. I notice you have something pent up in your head."
"Well, this was rather an amusing bit I am going to tell you, but was a near shave for real squalls, as you will agree when you hear about it.
"I got the guv'nor to let me do a bit of linking in at so much per chain. Of course, he supplied the rails‌—‌they were flange rails‌—‌sleepers and fastenings, and they were all right. I linked in the road. We had a mixed up permanent way, nine by four and a half half-rounds, and ten by five rectangular sleepers. Check pattern, an odd and even road. Between you and me, I think mixing them up betwixt the joint sleepers is a mistake. It makes the road stiff one place and loose at another, and a train cannot run steadily, and I would rather have all rectangulars, and put them wider apart, and give the rail flange a bit of bearing, for half-rounds are mere sticks, although they are lighter to handle, and in that respect nicer. You see they have only about three-fifths of the bulk of rectangulars, and when they are adzed less than that, and not more than half the bearing for the rail flange. If I had to do the maintenance, no half-rounds for me, still they do for light traffic and for cheap agricultural lines."
"I agree, they are temporary goods."
"Well, it was funny, but here we had too much and too little of a good thing, and were as near in hot squalls as could be. I expect they made a mistake in loading them; anyhow, young Jack, my ganger, found he had no half-rounds, but a lot of rectangulars. He is a bit impetuous, and would not wait, it's not in him, so he put in all rectangulars that day, and, of course, with the result that they had not enough rectangulars left for the other road all through, so about six or seven chains were nearly all half-rounds, and he actually placed one rectangular one side of a rail joint, and a half-round on its back, flat end upwards, on the other, and so a lot of the half-rounds did duty for rectangulars.
"It was a bit of a scurry, and as soon as the road was in the spikers, ballasters and packers were on us, and no time for thinking. Well, neither me nor Jack gained much by the fun, except our men would have been stopped, and they were not, and things would have been put out a bit for the day. My guv'nor did not know, or would have made us pull it all up and put it in right. Now, they knew the number of sleepers, &c., that had been served out, and had sufficient confidence in me to be sure I never scamped the materials, except a bit of ballast here and there, and that is soon made up.
"Of course, there was no mistake six or seven chains of road were weak, and I told Jack to put in a little extra good ballast and pack the sleepers well there, and what he did extra at that place was to come out of the part where all the rectangulars were, for I never throw away or lose anything on purpose."
"Quite right, we agree. Shake, for I'm hearty to you."
"He understood how I wanted the wind to blow, and it would have gone on all serene, but you know, just when you think you are out of a scrape, you sometimes find you are in it, or as near to it as wants 'an old parliamentary hand' to explain and fog away. I was down at the junction, when I saw the engineer, and some swells with him. The resident engineer was away that day. After a bit of jaw among them, they beckoned to me, and said they wanted to go to the end of the line, the very place where some of the sleepers were lying turned on their round faces. There was a bit of luck. I felt dead wrong. However, they had to walk about a couple of miles, and then wait till the engine had returned with the empties; so I said to the engineer, 'Please excuse me, sir, but I will arrange that the engine is at the ballast hole at four o'clock, as you wish, and I will be back to attend upon you as quickly as I can.'
"I scampered up the slope of the cutting and out with an envelope. I always keep one or two about me handy. I tore out a leaf of my note-book, and called young Snipper, the brake boy, and said to him, 'Jump on old Leather's nag. Take this to young Jack, and I'll make it all right for you when I see you next time; but go quickly, and give this letter to no one else but young Jack. If he is away for more than a few minutes bring the letter back to me. No‌—‌wait till he comes up, and send someone to fetch him to you. You understand.' 'Yes, sir, I know what you mean.' 'Now do a bit of the Johnny Gilpin business.' Off he went, and was busy.
"This is what I wrote to young Jack, my ganger:‌—‌'Bosses has come, and will be up to you in about an hour. X.... them. Cover up the ends of the half-rounds, and sprinkle them pretty with fine ballast if you can do it in an hour. Then shunt the empties or the full wagons over where the half-rounds are, and look innocent, as if you had never moved above a foot all day, and be busy, or I'll pull your throat out, much as I love you. Smooth it right, and leave rest to me. Pull all your gumption out ready. Keep this, and hand it back to me. Show no one, or I'll have you hung. If I find all right, there are two pints, and something else.' That's what I call a business letter. No double meaning about it.
"Young Snipper got there in double quick time, and young Jack was there as well. I saw he had carried out my letter of instructions. Still, I knew the engineer would be likely to twig, as he was near to being hawk-eyed. Now, I felt sure they would be hanging about for an hour, perhaps two, as most of them had never been up there before, and they thought of carrying the line on further to somewhere or other, but they did not on account of the expense, for several tunnels, viaducts, high retaining walls, and other heavy work would be required. Here was the very place for a rack railway on some system like Abt's, it seemed to me. I saw one at work in Germany, and know they are safely used in Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and in North and South America. As you know, you cannot nicely work a railway by adhesion only much above a gradient of one in fifty with sharp curves upon it, or one in forty on a straight line, consequently the rack is the thing to use then, I fancy, for on the Abt rack railway the pinions on the engine can be easily put in and out of gear on the rack, and the journey be continued by simple adhesion, as by an ordinary locomotive, and the rack system works all right round moderate curves.
"I should think, in hilly parts of the country there are many places where 4 feet 8½ inch gauge railways could be laid out almost on the surface of the ground, and at such gradients as about one in fourteen, and there should be no difficulty in working them safely, because similar lines have been worked for many years. There must be many little feeder lines that end nowhere almost now, that could be so continued over the hills to a main line, and thus join two large traffic trunk lines, and raise the feeder from obscurity to some importance, and from the state of a mere agricultural 5l. to 10l. per mile per week line of railway to one earning more than double. However, that's by the way. Now, my best game was to draw the swells away as quickly as I could, and yet not show them my hand. I started badly, though, for I said, 'Gentlemen, I think a shower is coming up over the hills, and if you command me, I will tell the engine driver to run you down quickly by himself, and come back for these empties. It won't delay the work in any way, gentlemen all.' They said, 'Never mind; if there was a shower they could stand upon the sleepers by the wagons and get sufficient shelter.'
"That meant on the sleepers I was trying to hide. Just fancy, the very half-rounds that troubled me. I felt I could sink through the earth, as I saw the engineer's eyes were doing full time as lighthouse revolving lights. I thought, he will have me chucked from this job, sure as half-rounds are not rectangulars, for he would not have bad work.
"Now the wagons did not quite reach all over the half round road, the swells took to walking between the roads. Why, I never knew, but they did. I felt certain, if any of them took to walking upon the half-rounds, they would find it all out. I got to young Jack, and on the quiet he returned to me my letter to him, which I burnt afterwards. By luck, one of the directors‌—‌that's what they were‌—‌drew the attention of the engineer to something on the station road close by; and all except two of them passed on, but two directors kept behind with me, and one started walking on the half-rounds, and on those too that were on their tops, as should have been uppermost, and one nearly got upset before he travelled five yards. So I went for him there and then, and said, 'Please, sir, the road is not packed yet, and has only just been put in to take these few empties. It will be as firm as a rock in two days, sir.' I left the rest to him. He looked at me and said, 'I hope it will be, or passengers will think they are travelling over the Rocky Mountains.'
"I smiled, and looked as pleasant and truthful as I knew how, but thought, hope with you, as with me, is grand goods, but fact is better business. They were a smart lot, and no one was going to move them on till they had seen just about all they felt inclined to, but I had a bit of luck then, and ever after have liked birds."
"What was it?"
"Well, a cocktail rose almost at our feet. The line passed between two coppices. From that moment I was safe, as both the directors talked of nothing but shooting. I kept the game alive for all I knew and more than I did, that's certain, and before I had done had made out it was the finest part of the whole country for game, although they ran a bit wild, and wanted stopping. It is convenient to always ease down a strong sentence, then you can alter its meaning a bit when what you have said don't agree with what you are saying; so I warned them the birds wanted stopping. They all got talking and pointing about till they had no time to spare to get back so as to catch the train at the junction. I tell you it was a near squeak, and shook my constitution more than a trifle, and no fault of mine, but it ended all serene."
"Your escape reminds me of one I had. It was a long while ago, must be about forty years back, when railways in many parts were a sort of novelty, and the natives used to turn out, swells and all, to see what was going on, and made a line a free show. One day about seven or eight swells came bearing down on me. One I knew had put a lot of money in the line, although he was not a director, and I have no doubt got it well back in a few years by the good the railway did his estate, for houses began to spring up all round soon after we had finished. I remember, and you will, that old Jack Slurry used to say married folks were nothing to a new railway for increasing the population in certain parts. It brings people together as never could come before, and so up goes the number of mouths, and no sooner do houses rise than shops follow, then churches and chapels and clubs and halls and so on like a procession, till the old folks almost wonder where they are. I'm talking a bit astray of my subject, and will now to it again.
"These swells came straight to me and asked me to show them through a few of the cuttings, and I did. I met my ganger in one, and managed to get in front of them and ask on the quiet who they were. He said, 'Them is nobs. They be hanteaquariums. They are searching for as old goods as can be found!' I knew what he meant, so I broke a small boulder or two and showed them the impressions of shells, and I called to my young Snipper and he got them a specimen each, and they were pleased. One gave me a quid when they left. They were real gentlemen, at least one was; and it is only charitable to suppose the others were in company, and this one was banker!"
"I agree with you."
"After looking at a few of the cuttings, and my putting in some pleasant words which seemed to be food to them, one of them opened a gate and they commenced to walk back along the fields and through the wood, near to where a culvert is, and close to a bit of marsh. They did not seem to mind the dirt or brushwood, and they asked me to come with them, and point out and say anything I thought they would like to hear, and I did. Perhaps they would have liked to have known what the prices were I was paid, but I had not the heart to distract their minds from their own true-love study to such a plain thing as £s.d.I ought to have told you our engineer we used to call 'Old Fangbolts.' They were his hobby, and it is my opinion that if he has as long fangs to his teeth as the bolts he would have put down, when they get decayed he will know what pain is, and wish they were short spikes. He had his way, of course, although there was a great waste of metal. Now fangbolts are good things for getting a through grip of the sleepers when the fangs are screwed on tight, but still they don't keep the rails from spreading much more, if any, and I rather think less, than flat-faced spikes of fair length. At least, that is my experience."
"And so it is mine."
"Between you and me the chap that first had the stern end of a bolt put uppermost in the rail, so that he could be sure the nut was on, knew what he was about, because fangs are nasty goods to screw on, and, bless you, tricks are sometimes played that way. I have known them just turned round once and then wedged by a piece of ballast, and they appeared to be tight; and when a bit of the road had to be taken up and the fang had got loose it was on the premises‌—‌perhaps, it is truer to say, just outside and at the door‌—‌and then you could always say the threads were wrong and blame the maker, or wriggle out and wrestle with the subject in the direction that looked the most serene."
"You mean work your lay according to circumstances."
"Precisely. Besides I have had two fang bolts with triangular fangs to fix in the flange of a rail almost in line, one each side of the web, and they could not be both screwed tightly, for the points of the fangs under the sleeper met when you turned them. This time, of course, none of these nobs knew what a fangbolt was, and if I had told them I dare say at first they might have believed it was a Roman tooth, or a piece of chain armour, or part of an early Briton's war paint. Well, we were walking through a wood‌—‌it belonged to one of them‌—‌and clearing our way, for the brushwood was rather thick, when we came to a small mound, and I own I did not know what it was. One of the swells smiled, and said, 'How very interesting. This is a tumulus.' I said, 'Excuse me, gentlemen, but I am always glad to learn anything, and you don't mean to say some earth has tumours and, swells a bit, because if you will tell me how to work it it would save me and others money and a lot of work forming embankments, if it does not cost too much to start the swelling.'
"They smiled, and one said 'A tu-mu-lus was not a tumour, but an artificial mound raised over those who were buried in ancient times.' I touched my hat and said 'I thought there was something wrong, gentlemen;' and told them I knew there were a good many women round these parts that had wens and they swell up as big as marrows, but I did not know the ground had tumours, and was eager to learn it had, as I thought I saw a useful application of them, and they might be a new form of wonder produced by inoculation. One of them then said, 'No doubt the women have their whims and playful humours, but he trusted they were free from wens or other tumours.' Then they all laughed, and one of them hazarded a remark and said, 'This is the ... formation.' It sounded to me like upper railroadian formation. I forgot myself, and turned round sharp to him and said, 'It is nothing of the kind, gentlemen. There is no such thing as a upper railroadian formation.' They did stare. I went straight on, and said straight out, 'There is no formation here at all, besides upper railroadian formation is utterly unknown on railways. The formation is at the bottom of the cuttings or the tops of the banks and nowhere else."
"They stared just as if I was going to shoot them, and one of them laughed and said, 'I am afraid there is a slight misunderstanding somewhere.' Then the others smiled. I thought it was time to stop my tongue. The same one turned to me and said, 'My friend was alluding to the geological character of the locality. It undoubtedly is Upper Si-lu-rian.' So I touched my hat, and said, 'I hoped they would excuse me, and would they kindly remember I was a bit rough.' They all said, 'Oh! certainly!' and they seemed to like the business that had just passed, and were enjoying themselves, I could see that.
"Well, all this passed when we pulled up at the mound, which was about fifty feet away from the line, and in the thick of the brushwood. One of them began poking about with a stick, and bless me, I saw about half-a-dozen fangs here and there. I thought to myself it is lucky Old Fangbolts is not here. He would have shot me, and killed himself right off, or gone loose. I twigged what the mound was made of. It was only a small one, but the gentleman was at first mistaken, and no wonder, because there are a lot of real ancient mounds round and about the wood. However, this mound was a mixture of fangs that should have been screwed on the bolts and were not, that's certain, and earth and turf, and had been artfully covered up, for it was quite green except one little streak. I expect some vermin had tried it, and found it no good, and scratched away a bit, and bared it. Anyhow, it might have been awkward for me, for one of the party picked up a rusty old fang, and turned to the other nobs, and said, 'I don't think that is very ancient; at least, if it be so, it is a Birmingham-made ancient relic, and has been deposited upon the wrong battlefield.'
"I believe that was only a sly hint to me that he meant the battlefield to be the permanent way; but, of course, I took no notice. He threw down the fang, and then we all walked on. No patter is sometimes the best game to play, and look as if you were learning a lot. However, on being asked about the mound, I said, 'It's only an old earth mound that has grown over green. It may have been there fifty years, not more, perhaps less.'
"Really, it was full of fangs that ought to have been screwed on the bolts, a heap of them, too. So I gave the office in the right quarter, and two of us went next morning very early, and soon dug a hole, and buried the mound, and carefully cast the excavation as close by as possible, and covered it up with a nice green top, so as to look quite natural and pretty, and when we had done we considered we had improved the scenery. It was a near squeak though, and it was lucky no engineer was with them, or I should have been had.
"It is my opinion, from what I have noticed, that the engine does a good deal to keep down the rails, and as long as the rails and sleepers are right, and the ballast good, and the sleepers well packed, the fastenings have more to prevent the rails spreading, and the road bursting than keeping the rails down, although, of course, that is necessary and should be done as well."
"I think you are quite right there."
"Old Fangbolts was all for the through grip, and did not seem to care much about preventing spreading. Well, engineers work in all grooves. Some have one way of thinking, some another, and all perhaps are partly right, and if they would but balance accounts, instead of harping on one string, it would be a smoother world."
"There we agree."
"Did you ever get a bit 'extra' out of rock ballast?"
"No; never had a chance."
"I did this way. Of course, rock ballast is not equal to shingle and clean gravel, but there is more chance of 'extra' profit, for you can pitch it in big, if you have a nice cover of small ballast, so as to make it look pretty at the finish, and like a garden path, and as occasion offers you can pare off the cess between the ballast wall and the top of the slope in embankments and the foot of the slope in cuttings, a couple of inches or so and sometimes get paid the specified depth that way, although the real depth of ballast throughout is not within 2 or 3 inches of it on the average. When the guv'nors are walking over the line keep them on the outside rail on curves as much as you can, as the cant makes the ballast wall look big. You have to be careful with the packing under the rail, because, if you don't mind, it may happen the centre of the sleeper is on a bit of rock, and then the sleeper may split when doing the see-saw trick as the trains pass and sway about.
"Just so. You must be careful not to pack them upon a middle pivot."
"I had two chaps who would almost have done for masons. They used to pack the sleepers with a few lumps where the rails rested on them, just to get the rail top nice and the rest was filled up anyhow, like nature on the sea shore; and we can't do wrong in taking a hint there, you know, for the cue is right, particularly when it runs towards 'extra' profit. Still, I don't like to chance breaking a sleeper's back, so I let them lie easy between the rails, or rather under the parts of the sleepers where no rails rest."
"I understand. You pack the sleepers only where they are under the rail-flange."
"Yes. One day the engineer said to the inspector who was a kind-hearted man and bred right, 'Mind the sleepers are evenly packed and not with large pieces of rock.' He called me up and repeated it extra treble to me. 'Very well, sir; but some of the rock will soon weather, and don't you think it better to keep it a bit large rather than small? The quarry runs very uneven. Some of the rock is as hard as nails, sir, and some soft, and it is not exactly the best ballast to handle or in the world; and if you will excuse me, don't you think, sir, on these soft banks another 3 inches under the sleeper would be advisable?'
"He did not seem to want to agree, but after a week, an order came from my guv'nor for 3 inches extra depth upon all banks. That was a good stroke, as it enabled me to do with larger stuff, and lessened the breaking it up. He was right in what he did, and so was I. I like rock ballast for 'extras,' although the walling is a nuisance. There is more chance for expansion of profits than in gravel ballast, and that is a great recommendation to us, anyhow, and is good enough apart from what things really are. I gave the tip on the quiet in the quarry to send half the rock down a trifle bigger, and it did not want so much getting or handling in the quarry, so they liked the new order, and it saved some breaking. Consequently I prefer rock ballast that weathers quickly sometimes, although, of course, an engineer should avoid it for ballast if he can, and the money allows."
CHAPTER XIV.
"EXTRA" MEASUREMENTS. TOAD-STOOL CONTRACTORS, TESTIMONIALS.
"Have you managed to get a bit 'extra' out of measurements?"
"Yes, occasionally, but that game is about played out. In the good old times they used to let us all kinds of work, for we did business in company more then than we do now, and what one did not know the other did, and so we could do pretty nearly everything except metal work, so long as they supplied us with the materials.
"I have already named about the 'extra' depth of foundations in bridges, and pipes that were not so large as thought. I have also got a bit 'extra' from side ditching when they had taken no cross sections of the ground by leaving a few buoys or mounds at the highest parts. I have also had a trifle out of the cuttings by rounding off the slopes a few inches when they were long but working right to the slope peg at top and nicking in an inch or two at the foot of the slope; but the game is hardly worth the candle, as they have almost given up soiling the slopes. Then there was a chance both ways. You got more measurement than the actual excavation, and also a bit 'extra' for soiling that was not put in, but it does not run into enough money to make it pay safely, and as the slopes and formation are so much on show the fun is hardly worth the risk. There is more to be had, so far as earthworks are concerned, in road approaches than railway cuttings, and in docks than either."
"I think you are right there."
"You see the earthwork is not so much in patches in dockwork, but all together, and there is often as much in an acre or so of dock as in a whole railway four or five miles in length, and inches in dockwork are worth remembering. Besides they are not noticed so much, and the excavation is soon covered up; and if it is in clay, and found out, you can always say to the bosses‌—‌'I never saw such clay to swell in patches.' Be sure to say 'in patches' for then you have an excuse handy if the clay 'swells' nowhere else except at the place you have not excavated to the right depth. You can generally get the surface not exactly level throughout, and you have a large space to work on then, and every inch means sovereigns. Really I think it does no one any harm, and does good to me if the bottom is a trifle elevated. It comes rather easy to most of us to make ourselves think a thing is good and nice when it would cost us something to think otherwise."
"Yes. Money and our wishes usually work on the same main line."
"I once got done out of a bit 'extra' measurement by an engineer really lovely."
"Did you. How was that?"
"I don't mind telling you, but there will be squalls if you blab. It happened like this. It was a line that had been commenced and most of the easy work done. It was in the days when every jerry-builder and parish sewer contractor, and big linen-draper too, thought he was a railway and dock contractor. You know they borrowed a bit from a local bank, and would take any contract from a bridge of balloons to the moon to a tunnel through the earth to Australia. Channel Tunnels, Forth Bridges, and Panama Canals would have been toys to them, and they could have made them on their heads. They sprung up just like toad-stools‌—‌can't call them mushrooms, it would be a libel on the plants‌—‌and every one of them thought they were quite as good as Brassey, and could have given him points. They had cheek, that was all, just like quack doctors. Well, what with, so they told me, big local loan-mongers to work the oracle and swim with them, and general recommendations‌—‌which I never take much notice of unless I know what a man has seen or done‌—‌saying they were full of the sublimest honesty and wisdom as ever had been known, and were that clever as few indeed could hope to be, the game was worked trumps for a time. Tests, not general testimonials, is my motto. What you have done or seen done, not what people are kind enough to say they think you can do, and which they don't know you can do. The man that asks a chap that he is friendly with to write a recommendation has his sentimental feelings worked on, and then truth takes a back seat, and of course you are bound to say your friend is the best man that could be made for the place, just that and nothing else. It costs a chap nothing to write it, and it is only very few that care to refuse, because it does not do to tell a man whom you wish to be friendly with that you don't think much of him, and that he is quite sufficiently a shirker and polite humbug to suit a good many, or that your own private opinion is he is not far off being twin-brother to a mouse-coloured beast of burden that brays. It is not good form, so we all, from kindness I suppose, write pretty of one another except when we are owed money and can't get it, then adjectives are often necessary, and as strong as you can find, with a few put in as are only known to chaps like you and me, and are not taught in schools, although they learn a lot there as they should not. Do you know when I read general testimonials I always think what a lot of saints and Solomons there are wanting situations, and it must be only the sinners and fools as are in harness. What you want to know from a reliable source is, how did a chap get on upon any particular bit of work he had to do, and have it specified what it was, and in what position he was, and whether all was and is right. Therefore, if I asked for a testimonial I want one specially written for the occasion and with reference to the kind of work that is in hand, and not as if I was going to let a man walk out with my daughter. I name this because, between you and me, I've found when a man is praised up as a sort of saint, and nothing said as to what he has done in work that he is near to being either a humbug or an ass. That was just the case here, for it was to one of these toad-stool contractors that the directors let the first contract, and engineers who do not advise their directors to have nothing to do with such public works contractors (!) I think deserve all the trouble they get into. Surely it is better to have a contractor who knows what work is and should be, even if he has but a small capital, than one who knows next to nothing about construction, and is financed by some loan-monger, or is at the mercy of some wire-puller?"
"I say, you are hot on the question."
"Well, I consider it about poisons some works that would otherwise have been made all right, and would have paid well too at the original capital. Besides it ought to be known a man must be specially educated to properly execute large public works, and should be bred an engineer, for one that can make shanties, dust-bins and privies, may blossom into a jerry runner-up of two-story stucco villas that have the faces and insides covered with lime and mud and half-penny paper, but it wants a contractor that is just about an engineer to know how to properly carry out railways, docks, bridges, canals, harbours, and all sea works and similar undertakings, and not a bell-pull mender and drain maker, because then he hardly knows anything himself of what has to be done and he is at the mercy of others. He tenders at figures below what he ought, and then the work cannot be properly executed, or the easy portion is done somehow or other and then the man goes smash. It is just the difference between our sterling building firms and the jerry-shanty-raisers who ought not to be called builders. Well, this one started with a rattle and scraped about, and then went to splinters. That's why I have named it, and because on this railway there was a road diversion. About a quarter of it was excavated and it was in an awful mess. It was in gravelly sand, and taken out in dabs, and in and out, all widths and depths.
"I thought I saw a chance of a bit 'extra' and said nothing. One day I got rather fierce for 'extras,' and I sniffed out some small heaps at intervals up the approach. They were about a yard in height and four or five yards round. I felt sure they had not been put on the cross sections, which I got to know had been taken in some places as close as 15 feet apart, so I thought, 'Before I get the wagon roads in and move another heap, I will see the young guv'nor.'
"Well, I had to go to the office, and he knew of the heaps and said 'I will allow you 30 yards for those. I had not forgotten them.' Now that was what they were to a spadeful, so I thought it was good business as I knew they were not shown on the sections. He said 'In case anything should happen to you or me I will write what I mean and have it attached to the agreement.' I thought that was kind of him. Now, we had worked for about a week, and I was keen on plunder. He then dictated a few lines to the timekeeper, saying that it was agreed 30 cubic yards of earth were in the heaps and they were to be paid for as an allowance in addition to the 9239 cubic yards, the total measurement of the excavation I had to do under the contract. Of course it was worded right, but I give you the meaning. This I signed, and it was witnessed by the time-keeper and the young guv'nor. I made just about the same as he did of the total measurement, but was so eager after the 30 cubic yards in the heaps that I signed the paper off hand, but of course I knew then what was written, but thought no more about it. I left the office and had six of neat right off on the strength of those heaps. I will cut it short now.
"Well, I finished the job quickly, and one day, just before I had done, I thought to myself, 'There have not been any "extras" on this approach road, for what with slope and fence pegs being set out there has actually been no chance of a bit "extra."' After thinking I said to myself, 'It is an awkward place to measure. I will make my measurements so that they work out five hundred yards more, add a little all over, I can but give way in the end, have a nice, warm, genteel wrangle that will shake up the cockles of my heart, and I may get half or something extra if I do the oily persuasive trick, and look wronged in my countenance.' So up I went to the office and said, 'I shall about finish to-morrow, sir, and I think you will say I have done the job well and quickly, and deserve another. It has been a tight fit, and has only just kept me going.'
"Usual patter followed that is required on such occasions, and is kept in stock for them. I was beginning to feel real happy, and thinking I had got twenty pounds at least, and no mistake for talking pretty. So I said, 'As I am here, sir, do you mind telling me what you make the measurement?'"
"'Certainly. 9239 cubic yards, and 30 yards allowed for heaps. Total, 9269 cubic yards.'
"That did not suit me, so I started on the injured innocence lay, and said meekly and persuasive like, 'You have left out something, I think, sir.'
"'No; I have not.'
"'Well, sir, I make 500 yards more than you; and if I don't get it it will be very bad for me, for I shall not be able to pay my men.' That did not seem to flurry him. He opened the safe, and read from the paper I had signed some months ago. Blessed if it ever occurred to me to think that I had signed for the total quantities, but I had, for I was then so taken up with the 30 yards. Like you, I am old enough to know that no contract is indisputable, and that many things in law have to be tried before they are law when a question arises, and that there is not much finality about the show; but here I was caught, and had made my own net, and no mistake; so, after putting in all I knew and saying to him, 'I did not take that bit of paper to mean the same as he did,' I considered it best to shake down easy as I saw I was grassed, so I took his measurement; but I wished blue ruin to the heaps, and may where they were tipped be well worried by worms and vermin. Look out! I shall break something."
"Don't slap the table with your clenched fist like that, or we shall have to pay for damages, and have nothing left for drinks."
"Right you are; but it does make me wild to think of it."
"You were had at your own game there!"
"Yes; but after all said and done, except the ground is level throughout, I heard two engineers say earthwork measurements are generally a matter of fair averaging; and if tables are used, some like this table and others that, so all are happy; but they agreed cross-sections are the best, and unless a plaster cast is made of the surface of some ground, no one could say what the measurement really was to a few yards, and that it does not much matter as the price per cubic yard is so little compared with most prices of work, such as masonry, brickwork, concrete, &c."
"You have finished, I fancy?"
"Yes."
"Now I'll tell you how I once got a bit 'extra' from measurements in rather an odd way. The work was done without a contractor, it was principally let in pieces to sub-contractors, and the rest day-work; but I heard they did not gain much, if anything, by it. Came to nearly the same thing, and all the bother and risk themselves, and about the same good work.
"Well, the funny way I made some extra profit, of course, as usual, very much against my will, was this. I happened to be in the engineer's office, and heard the resident say to his assistant, 'Mr. ‌—‌‌—‌, please make a list of timber required for the quay sheds, and take out the quantities.' Now it is only fair to say the assistant knew his book and was up to snuff, but we are all caught tripping sometimes, and whether it was his anxiety to ascertain the exact quantities, I don't know, but he got mixed, and blessed if the timber was not ordered net lengths, and nothing allowed for mortises and making joints. Just as we were going to start on the sheds they took us away, and before the foundations were excavated for the walls. It was fortunate they did, as it happened, for it afterwards occurred to the assistant that he had forgotten to allow for mortises and joints. So the sheds had to be made about a foot less width than they should have been, and we got paid for the foot or so at each end that was left out; and the inspector got the tip, I suppose, for nothing was said, and it was not noticed, for they were wide store sheds, with a line of rails through the centre, and it really did not matter at all. So you see I was forced to take a bit 'extra,' but that is the only time in the whole of my life. Of course it worried me much."
"No doubt it caused another wrinkle to set on your forehead."
"Very likely; but an old partner of mine told me he once was paid for the corners of a lot of level-crossing lodges twice over by taking the outside wall measurements all round instead of two outside and two inside, but only once, when things had to be done at a great rush; it was a case of hurry up all round, for all the final measurements of the whole line had to be done in a fortnight."
CHAPTER XV.
MEN AND WAGES. 'SUB' FROM THE WOOD. A SUB-CONTRACTOR'S SCOUT AND FREE TRAVELLER.
"It is nearly midnight. I am game for another hour, are you?"
"Yes. I like talking on the quiet, it draws you together, you know; you feel for a time as if we all belonged to one family, although we do not, and don't want; that's a fact."
"Precisely, old pal. Let us grip and sip."
"Did any of your men ever play rough on you?"
"Not often; but I remember one. He was a good working hand, and I did not mean to lose him. Ted Skip was his name. This is how it occurred. One Saturday night I was in the village, and saw at the corner of a lane a man standing up in a cart spouting away fit to give him heart disease, or break a blood-vessel, and getting hot so quick, that I am sure he was going to beat record time. I believe he was fed on dictionaries and stewed Socialist pamphlets that did not agree with him. He was pouring it out. He said in effect that pretty nearly everybody was a thief except himself and his comrades, and that nearly all things were poison as they were, and unless we all did as he said we were fools and felons, and worse. Then he went on to say, beer was poison, tobacco was poison, and the way things were now, and all went on, was worse than poison. Then he talked about us, called us railway slave drivers and slaves, and I am sure there was no one or nothing that existed that was not poison to him except himself and what he possessed, and the fools that paid him. I got wild after a bit, hearing him lying away as fast as he could speak, and I shouted, 'You are all poison, you old bit of arsenic, for what is not ass about you is from old Nick.' He was then shouting out 'Your constitution is wrong. All the bills are of no use.' That was too much for me, so I pushed my way in and showed him my fist, and said, 'I'll soon show you whether all the Bills are of no use and whether my constitution is wrong. My name is Bill Dark, and there are numbers of people here that know I have never been sick or sorry since I was born, and I have taken beer and smoked tobacco from the time I was fifteen. In moderation, I believe in this country it does good to most of us, and pretty well all except those that are built up peculiar, and if you want to see if I'm of no use, come on; only get a sack first, so that the pieces of you that remain, and are large enough to be found, can be taken away and burnt to-night instead of later on. You understand what I mean.'
"Our chaps cheered me like mad, and I suppose old Arsenic thought his show was being wasted, for he threw up his arms and drove off, and we yelled him out of the village. Well, now you'll hear what came of it. Teddy Skip was there, and heard me say that beer and tobacco in moderation in this country I believe did good to most of us. A week or so passed, and I forgot all about old Arsenic when Teddy Skip came to me, and said, 'Guv'nor, after hearing you down in the village, and feeling a bit cold now and then, I thought I would try a pipe. I find it suits me, and is quite a friend, but it costs me nearly twopence a day, at least that is what I reckon it does. I have been with you a long time, and hope you won't mind another twopence a day just to buy the tobacco as you recommended to be used in moderation.'
"He had me there, so I made no bones about it, and said, 'Very well then, another twopence from Monday;' but I gave him a parting shot in this way, 'I know you are courting Mary Plush, and may be joined soon, but don't you come to me for a rise after each lot of twins is born, and say you have done a kindness to me and the public generally; because the wife and ten children lay is played out for increase of wages, and folks do with them that show as much moderation in size of families as remember I said should be used with beer and tobacco.' He began to move, and said smiling, as he cleared out, 'All right, guv'nor, thank you, I understand.'"
"That was pretty for you; but did I ever tell you how I got well insulted by one of my chaps?"
"No. Out with it."
"It was in my early days, about the first work I had on the piece. It was clearing and forming through a wood, and there were more rabbits there than trees. The contract was just started, and you know what the chaps are then, they want 'sub' nearly to their full time. Well, I was not flush, in fact they nearly drained me out, so the rabbits were too much for me, besides they were wasted in my sight where they were, simply gold running loose; so I bagged a fair lot, in fact as many as I could catch. Now, my men finding I was subbing them nicely seemed to think I was the man they had been looking to serve since they took to work, so I considered I ought to stop their game with another variety of sport. It does not do to let wrong ideas rest quiet in any man. It is not kind. It was Thursday, and on Saturday I should have a fairish draw for myself on account of work done; but as things were, I was nearly run out. About six wanted 'sub,' so I threw a rabbit to each of them, and said, 'That is tenpence, and it ought to be a shilling, for they are as big as hares and more feeding, and they are not half the trouble to cook.' They grumbled, so I growled out, 'Except on Saturdays, it is that this week and next most likely, or nothing, so choose your time.' One stayed behind, and said, 'Boss, just you look here: eightpence is enough for that, and too much, because I know it is poached, for I saw you doing a lift among the "furrers," and when I receive stolen goods I am paid for holding them, and chancing the consequences, and I don't pay for taking care of them. Do you understand? It is the last I take, and don't you mistake.'
"This 'riled' me, so I said, 'Off you go, or I'll flatten you out.' I was had there. Of course, he was at the same game as I had been, and rabbits to him were not exactly a novelty. Well, I carried on the fun there to such a tune that at last it became too hot. A dealer used to fetch them. He had an old cart. It looked like a baker's, and had some name on it, and there was a bit of green baize, and a basket or two, and a few loaves to keep up the illusion. We worked it till it turned on us, and the business had to be stopped."
"I never have done much at that. Not enough money for the risk to please me."
"Believe me, I have given up the game twenty years or more. I soon found in taking work by the piece I was bound to have a bit of capital, and, as a rule, what I want I get if it is to be had by anyone, and I generally find it is. I overdid it though, that's the worst of money, the more you get the more you want, and it's the biggest slave-driver out and spares no one. Well, complaints about poaching went up to head-quarters and I was called before the guv'nor. He said to me very sharp, 'I shall measure up your work unless from this day I hear no more of your poaching.'
"Of course I bluffed it a bit, but it was no good. However, knowing he always liked fun, he listened to me and I went off fond as a lamb. After promising I would keep watch on the men, which he did not let me finish saying before he had advised me to have assistance, he meant someone to watch me, I went straight for some joking, just to get the venom out of the subject. There is nothing like flattery to start a talk easy, so I said, 'You, sir, know a host of things more than me, and no doubt can explain how it was my father told me when I was a boy that all the family had a natural power of attracting animals. He said it was born in us. One day, sir, he drew me close to him and whispered, after feeling my head, 'You have the family gift very powerful.' You'll excuse me, sir, but I just name this because game always follows me about, and when these rabbits come on the work there is no mistake they are trespassing, and so I punish them by taking them into custody according to the law. When I walk up and down the line they seem to be that joyful, sir, as is real touching. They will come, and the bigger they are the more they seem to like me (between ourselves, that is you and me, to-night talking quiet, small 'uns don't suit me). I have not got the heart to frighten them away, and so they come to me, and sooner than let them go back to their savage life I take them up and become like a parent to them. You cut me so hard in price for the work, sir, I cannot afford to keep them long, so they have to partly keep me."
"Did your guv'nor stand that?"
"Yes. He was a good listener and always gave a man enough rope to hang himself."
"I should have punched your head if I had been him."
"Very likely you would have tried to, but he did not, so I went on to say, 'Well, sir, it is my undoubted belief the big rabbits down here can tell the difference between some letters and others, in the same way, I suppose, as they know the difference between some shot through their ears and a cabbage leaf in their mouth, or a horse and a fox; for they always run away from every cart but mine. I was just thinking I had said enough when the guv'nor had his turn and said:‌—‌
"'After what you have told me, attach a dozen white boards to the fencing, and have these words painted upon them in six-inch black letters‌—‌"Rabbits are vermin," and have your name put underneath. As you say some of them can read, that will cause them to cease following you. I am determined that this poaching shall be stopped once and for all.'
"'Excuse me, sir, but suppose they still will come to me after the notices are up, and I can't keep them away?'
"He answered, 'In such an event fix notice boards painted thus: "Any rabbit found trespassing upon this railway will be prosecuted with the utmost rigour of the law, and any rabbit found destroying the fences or hedges, or committing any damage of whatsoever kind will be shot.' Have your name put on it as before.'
"After that I thought it was time to go, and as I went out I could hear laughter. He had me, you know, so I was compelled to take to butcher's meat again throughout, and only a spare rabbit now and then went home to see his relations by aid of my mouth."
"What a row there is outside?"
"It's my dog barking. He must have heard you talk of rabbits. He is clever. I trained him so that I always knew when any engineers or inspectors were on the prowl. I call him 'Spot,' because he can 'spot' them so well. I made him do the spy business right round our end of the docks I was then on, and also on railway work."
"What did he do?"
"He used to do a tramp up and down quite naturally, about quarter of a mile in front of the tip and a quarter of a mile back of the gullet, or anywhere I had work, and not even the men knew he was on scout. He is the best watchman I have known; and so long as things were right and no bosses about he never came close to me unless I called him, but if anyone was prowling about he soon was close to me, and three pats communicated to him that I twigged, and he went on the scent again. He seemed to sniff out the faces of all my guv'nors in an instant, and looked anxious till I patted him three times, and then he turned up his eyes to meet mine, and a lovely beam of satisfaction came over him and he was as happy as he could be, and then he vanished. He was a sly dog, and useful too. He slept at the bottom of my bed in a basket. My wife did not like him on the bed; said dogs were dogs, and carried too many relations on their persons, so I hung a big basket to the tail end of our sleeping apparatus, and there he snoozed. Now, wherever I was, he was, or near to; he did not seem happy except he knew where I was. I always took him wherever I went, and on free pass. It's not very often I am travelling far, except when the works are finished; still, I easily trained him to be a good free traveller after a few trials, so that I never took a ticket for him. Not me. I always think it is hard, provided you have no luggage for the van, and have your dog well under control, that you cannot take him with you free, like you do a stick, an umbrella, or your pipe. A dog does not occupy a seat nor make a noise the same as a baby; but there, I don't mean to argue the question, and, personally, have no occasion, because I have not paid anything for my dog's travelling for years. The problem is solved as far as I am concerned, and the rest of creation will have to look out for themselves."
"How do you do it?"
"You mean, how does my dog, Spot, do it? In this way. I take my ticket, and before putting it into my pocket hold it in my hand for a moment. I then go on my right platform. Spot, that is my dog, then knows he is to get on that platform. He usually waits till a good many people want to pass, then he slips in beautifully quiet, sometimes by the side of a lady, or under cover of a group of passengers, and I have never known him noticed at the doors, as the ticket collectors are busy ticket snipping. I don't interfere with Spot's platform arrangements, for properly educated and well-brought-up dogs would object; but there is no doubt at some of the terminal stations the game could not be worked unless all the platforms are open. Suppose he was noticed on a platform, and they tried to find him, he was so good at hiding that they always thought he had gone; besides, they had plenty to do, and more serious business to look after. Once I saw they were searching for him, but they did not find him. He was not on the platform at all, but under a truck in the siding and enjoying the fun. He rested there, or at a convenient place till he heard the train coming, or saw I was about to get in. He timed his movements very cleverly, and has taken me by surprise sometimes, but he was sure to be under the seat, and hiding as quietly as a mouse, and taking no notice of me; not he.
"When I arrived at my station, if it was a big one, there was no trouble, I got out and Spot sneaked out without taking any notice of me, nor did I of him then. He used to make straight for the wall, and you bet he got out of the station quick, or was turned out. I have seen him driven out, as the porters took him for a stray dog. Once they threw a stool at him, it just caught his tail, and made him squall a trifle; but although it was a hard trial for me, I suppressed my feelings, as I had no ticket for him. I have known him sit down after following me out of the carriage, close up to the wall one end of a platform, and wait till the ticket-collector was busy sorting the tickets, and then Spot would walk out like a nobleman. I waited for him at a respectful and safe distance from the station, and then we had an affectionate meeting, and he had a biscuit and I had a drink, and we were a happy two. Spot is a real good dog, and as honest as the day, for I trained him in the right direction from the time he was a pup. He is a cool one; but there, it is a gift of nature like a swell singer's voice."
"Precisely."
"Now, listen; for once I was nearly had, even with Spot. There were about ten people in the compartment of a long carriage, and I sat next to a fly-looking chap, and only got in just in time, with my dog handy. Off the train went, and I was trying to consider what I ought to think about during the journey, when we all started, for Spot barked really fierce; and I said, 'Quiet.' Blessed if there was not another bark, and from another member of the dog creation. I knew it was not Spot, so I looked under the seat, and saw two bags, and Spot looking very warm and ready on one of them, with his head a little on one side. I knew it was live game, and I saw the other bag move. I thought the railway company had got the office and caught me, and that it was a 'put up job,' but I was wrong. It was all right. The chap next to me whispered in my ear that he was a rat-catcher, and had live rats in one bag, and his dog in the other, and they were travelling as passengers' luggage. I winked, and he did. Then it occurred to me, I was too friendly with him. However, of course his dog was trained to keep quiet, but mine was not in the presence of rats, so I had to look under again, and put out my stick, and say. 'Quiet, bosses.' Spot knew what that meant, and was quiet.
"Now, the other passengers steadied down very quickly, for of course they did not know we had not paid for the dogs. It was a fast local train and only stopped at the terminus, so there was no chance of their getting out before me at the station. I took care of that. It might have been awkward otherwise. The beauty of it was, this rat-catcher, I could see was not altogether satisfied when he came to dwell on it, for I fancy he thought I was a spy, and that he was caught; and I was not quite convinced he was not a detective. Still, a bold game generally pays the best; anyhow, I pretended I was dozing. It was evening, and when the train had barely stopped, after saying. 'Good-night all,' I got out first, and did not wait to see how the rat-catcher fared. I had Spot to look after, and was afraid the guard might have heard the barking; but he did not, for if he had we should both have been had lovely, all through a bag of rats. What my dog suffered from having to leave the game alone, it grieves me to think. All I know is, he was really bad for days after; but I should say the rats were tuning up to sing, 'We are all surrounded.'"
"I'm off now. Good-bye, old chap. Cheer up."
"Thank you for coming to see me, and having a good chat. It's lucky no one has heard us though, still, we have not confessed all. Have we?"
"Not exactly. Good-bye."
"Mind how you go, and I hope to see you to-morrow."
"All right; I'm safe enough, for I have been in too many squalls not to be careful. I won't say artful."