CHAPTER XXVI.

CHAPTER XXVI.Howstrange those long days of insensibility now seem! How mysterious that vague consciousness of unconsciousness, when the mind closes all communication with the outer world, and lives in a state of semi-existence within itself! All sight was gone, yet a dull gray blank pressed down upon my eyeballs—gray and dull, though invisible; all hearing was gone, yet a singing sound lingered in my ears, as if a cap had been exploded near them; feeling there was none, yet an undefined pain and sickness pervaded my system, like a dream of deadly nausea. A gap in existence, a chasm in thought and sense, known through the veil of an uncertain consciousness! After a long while, as it seemedto me, vague, uncertain shadows began to flit across this dull blank before my vision. Gradually, after many flittings, they began to assume varying shapes; and, as the form and features of a negative slowly come into distinctness as the photographer washes the plate, so these shapes began to show distinctly as familiar forms and faces. But oh! how changed their expression! Those whom I had thought loved me most now wore the blackest scowl for me, and, pointing at me, called me Murderer! Father, mother and Carlotta stood around me constantly, regarding me with a fiendish malignity and hatred. But among all the faces that passed before me there was one that never changed its position or expression—always directly before me, almost touching mine; a face with a stony glare from its fixed eyes; a face with a snarl of hate on its white lips, from which bubbled a froth of blood; a face I could never escape, go where I would. I sprang over frightful precipices, I traversed burning deserts, I climbed rugged wilds, but everywhere, turning as I turned,thatface was ever before me, freezing my blood with its hideous scowl. After awhile these visions became less distinct, and soon another blank succeeded, during which I one day unclosed my eyes and found everything familiar around me.The room was darkened and silent. The occasional clicking of the coals in the grate, as they powdered their red cheeks with white ashes, and the foot-fall of a passer on the pavement below, were all the sounds I could hear. I tried to raise myself on my elbow to make out what it all meant, but I had scarcely made the effort when some one rose from a chair at the side of the bed, and Carlotta’s beautiful face bent over me, with an expression of anxious inquiry, as if she thought I was still delirious.“Where—where have I been? How came I in bed?” I said, in a weak, drawling voice.“Oh, you are yourself again!” she exclaimed, with a cry of delight; “let me run and tell Mrs. Smith.”“No; stop! Tell me what I am doing in this dark room. What is the matter with me?”“You have been very sick,” she said, removing a wet cloth from my forehead, and wiping the dampness away; “you have been delirious for more than two weeks. But the doctor says you must lie still and not talk.”“But Iwilltalk,” I said, peevishly; “Iwillknow how I came here. Where are Ned and Ramie?”A half distinct memory of the duel and its consequences flitted across my mind, but it was all so confused that it seemed some horrid dream, and in helpless uncertainty I turned my cheek over on my palm and gazed at Carlotta, imploringly.She stroked my forehead with her soft hand, and begged me to remain quiet, promising to tell me all I wanted to know as soon as I became a little stronger. Her touch and sweet voice were so soothing that I fell into a gentle doze, from which I soon awoke much clearer in my mind than before. And now a blighting remembrance of Ramie’s death came over me, with such force as to nearly unsettle my reason again.Mother soon came in, and, by skilfully diverting my thoughts from the painful subject, managed to remove some of the shadows that clustered around me.Days lengthened into weeks before I was able to sit up, and how dreary would have been those convalescent hours had it not been for Carlotta! She seemed to have no interest outside of my room. Her attention was never officious or too constant, and it was rendered with so much tact it seemed as if I was conferring a favor by accepting it. I was so sure it was a pleasure to her that I never refused letting her do whatever she would for me. She would sit by my bedside for hours reading or talking to me, seeking to divert me by all means possible from gloomy thoughts or sad reflections. So bright was the sunshine of her presencethat I was unhappy unless she were near me; and however dreary I might be feeling, as soon as she entered, my face and heart would sensibly brighten.While she would never allow me to draw her into conversation about Ramie and his mother, yet I gradually learned the sad truth. After Madame DeVare was carried to the hotel every effort was made by the physicians to revive her, but in vain. The cataleptic stroke, induced by the shock she received, in spite of all their labor, proved fatal, and she and Ramie were buried together in the cemetery the same day.Then Carlotta would listen with such a pleasant, talk-eliciting interest to my stories of college life that I could talk with untiring volubility. In return she would tell me of all that had occurred at home since I had been away, with so much originality of expression and artlessness of narration that I would lie and gaze for an hour at a time on her faultless face. Occasionally she would lift her eyes from her needlework, and whenever they met mine I always looked away with a strange and unaccountable confusion.One day, in our talk, she asked me if Frank and I were still good friends. I told her no, and inquired why she asked.“Because Lulie has changed so in her conduct towards me. She has been very reserved and formal with me since you left, and rarely visits me.”“Has Frank been paying her much attention this vacation?” I asked, taking a sip of the cordial that stood by my bed.“I have not had many opportunities for observing,” she replied, driving her stiletto through a floss flower on her embroidery; “but I have seen them together many times, and gossip says they are very much devoted. Perhaps it is at his request she has withdrawn her intimacy from me.”“No doubt of it,” I replied; “she is perfectly infatuated,and he cares nothing whatever for her, except as a conquest to boast of. I heard him read one of her letters to a crowd in his room one night, and tell of liberties he had taken.”Her dark eyes opened with a flash of indignant astonishment as she exclaimed, energetically:“And she trusts to such perfidy! I’ll warn her, if she spurns me, for we have been fond friends. But no,” she added, after a pause; “that would implicate you, and perhaps lead to another affray.”“I don’t care,” I said, punching in the end of the pillow, as if it were Frank’s head; “tell her by all means. I would go to her myself, but she would think it was an invention of my own to supersede Frank in her favor.”“I hear Mrs. Smith coming up stairs,” said Carlotta, folding up her work; “and as it is late in the afternoon I’ll run over to Dr. Mayland’s and have a good long talk with Lulie, and get back in time to bring up your tea.”“Bless your dear heart, how I love you!” I murmured, as I watched her tucking back the curtains and setting everything to rights ere she tripped from the room. I could not help instituting a comparison between her and Miss Carrover, and I could find only one point in the latter’s favor: that she was a grown lady, who had seen much of society, while Carlotta was, to my college dignity, only a child—too often present for the romantic sigh, and too constantly near for the heart-throb when I met her.And, in thinking of Lillian, the faint shadow of a demon thought began to flit across my mind. The baseness of its ingratitude made me shudder as I shrank from it; yet it gradually grew, ever lurking deep down in my heart, as it whispered, through the reveries of the day and the dreams of the night, “Lillian can love you now; Ramie is dead.”Deeply ungrateful as it was to the memory of my noble friend, I could not help looking forward with pleasure to my meeting with her: when I could take her hand, and,looking into her fond eyes, hear her say, “Nothing binds me now; I am yours forever.”I would then endeavor to plaster over conscience by imagining how fondly we would cherish together the memory of DeVare; how we would pour our mingled tears upon his grave, and feel that his spirit was smiling upon our union. And I would endeavor to convince myself that I would be acting in exact conformity to the wishes of Ramie, could he express them; and I would say a dozen times in a day, “I am sure Ramie had rather she would love me than another.”A day or two elapsed and I was able to walk about the house before Carlotta had an opportunity of telling me the result of her visit to Lulie.She said that as soon as she mentioned the subject Lulie had gotten into quite a passion about it, and said she had parents to advise her, and that she was under obligations to no one else for advice; that she would do as she pleased and take the consequences.“May heaven help her,” I said fervently, as we changed the subject.CHAPTER XXVII.Nedand I are again at Chapel Hill, in our old room. We found our books and furniture dusty, but undisturbed, and a day’s preparation sufficed to get us in harness again.It was with great difficulty father had secured my re-admission. His first application was peremptorily refused, but by many letters and pledges to the trustees and faculty, and in consideration of my youth and inexperience, I was at last allowed to go on with my class.For all this I had made extra resolves of diligence, and had promised father that nothing should divert me from intense application to my books.Of Miss Carrover I thought but little. I had heard from Charleston, whither she had gone soon after the duel, that she was the gayest belle of its society. This disregard of what was due the memory of her betrothed, coupled with the gradually acquired conviction that my suit was hopeless, and a conscientious desire to do well in my studies, had somewhat impaired the romantic fervor of my admiration for her, and I heard with remarkable composure the statement that she would spend a week or two in Chapel Hill on her way to New York. I resolved at first not to see her at all; but, feeling that this was too great a confession of weakness, even to myself, and having, besides, in my possession the valuables DeVare had requested me to deliver to her, I determined to call just once, that I might mark her deportment before making up my final judgment on her character. Of one thing I was fully resolved, that whether she was gay or sad, whether kind and cordial or cold and distant towards me, no word or glance of mine should betray the faintest trace of the old love, or depart from the consistent seriousness of real bereavement.When I entered the parlor at Professor Z——’s I found her surrounded by a throng of admirers. As she came forward to meet me, the same superbly beautiful woman I had once adored, her usual queenly air softened into one of kindest greeting, and gave me both hands in her warm welcome, my heart bounded wildly, and for a moment I had forgotten Ramie, resolves, and everything save the rapture of being near her again—of hearing her soft, rich voice, and gazing into her dreamy eyes. The presence of other gentlemen restrained me, or I believe I should have knelt at her feet.Taking my seat in the circle, and dropping into a commonplace conversation, I gradually regained my senses and my self-control. And as I became composed, and marked the levity of her conduct—the jest, the sarcasm and the repartee—andthen thought of the cold form in the cemetery at home, my admiration of her beauty was tinged with contempt for her frivolity.Her visitors began to depart, and I was about to say good night without having accomplished my mission, when she handed me a slip of paper, on which she had scribbled the words “Don’t leave.”Of course I waited, and we were soon in the parlor alone.As the last one closed the door she moved on the sofa and said:“Come, sit by me. Oh, how tiresome those fellows are! and I wanted to be alone with you so much. Now tell me all about yourself, for it has been a dreary, long time since I have seen you.”“I thought you were aware, Miss Carrover, that I was connected with a most unfortunate affair at the close of the session,” I replied, nervously twisting my watch chain, for I hardly knew what reply to make, and felt embarrassed and awkward.“Oh! do not speak of that,” she exclaimed, burying her face in her handkerchief, and trembling with very inaudible sobs. “I was trying to avoid that subject. My heart has been almost broken in its agony. Only in the past few days have I been able to compose my thoughts and feelings. Oh, the terrible shock of the announcement!” Her voice was so muffled by the handkerchief over her face that her words were almost indistinguishable. Far better could they have been lost in the cambric folds than to have vibrated into eternal existence!The only reply I could make was to give her the casket containing Ramie’s ring and jewels, as he had directed.She lifted her face, with eyes rather dry for such convulsive weeping, and taking the casket pressed it to her lips, as she said:“And did he think of me! Oh, how can I ever love you enough for your kindness to him!”I ventured to say, “Love his memory.”“I do, I do,” she replied, looking into my eyes with hers clear and tearless. “Heaven alone knows how I cherish the memory of my noble Ramie!”I did her the justice to believe her, but said nothing.She continued, trying to open the back of the watch:“But, my dear friend, for this mutual grief has made you seem nearer than ever before, there is one point on which I want your counsel. How must I act towards society? Must I open my heart to its hundred eyes, and, by a sudden seclusion and retirement, reveal my sacred sorrow to its gaze; or must I go through the hollow mockery of gaiety, and assume a cheerful face with an aching heart? Gentlemen call every evening, and I am at a loss to know what to do. If I refuse to receive visitors it will cause remark and inquiry, and my engagement with Mr. DeVare will be made public, with all the usual train of disagreeable comment. I sometimes think it were best to do violence to my own feelings, and appear in company as if nothing had happened, while I am here. I will soon be in New York, where I can adapt my conduct to my sad bereavement. Do you not think so?”“Really, Miss Carrover,” I replied, coldly, for the veil of her pretended sorrow was too thin, “I do not feel competent to advise you. You know best how the death of DeVare affects you; and, if you will pardon me for saying it, your smiles and favors to the frivolous throng to-night would indicate that your course of action is already determined.”“Oh, Mr. Smith, you blame me, I know you do, and perhaps I deserve it; but you cannot appreciate my feelings. I did love Ramie devotedly, for he was the noblest and best of earth; but no one knew we were betrothed, and to retire from society now would be only to reveal what he wishedkept secret. Besides, I will be candid enough to confess that I find the best cure for a sad heart in a round of pleasure, and, knowing that seclusion and manifested grief were not expected of me, I have sought to drown my sorrow in a whirl of frivolity.”She paused, and looked at me for some reply, but, as I could make none but what would have offended her, I said nothing.“I know serious people will blame me for this trifling,” she continued, “but gaiety and pleasure are as much my element as the air I breathe. Those who know me will not cease to love me. And you, who once professed such devotion, now hate me, because I do not wear a widow’s weeds! Please do not desert me when we ought to become better friends; love me still,” and she laid her soft, beautiful hand on mine.Who could have resisted? A moment before I was despising her heartlessness, now, at the electric touch of her hand, I was changed; the old flame burst forth again with resistless fervor, and I could take her, heartless as she was, to be forever mine, only so that she loved me. I almost crushed her hand in mine as I pressed my lips upon it again and again.“Love you, Lillian! Heaven only knows how madly, how wildly I do love you. Only say just once that you love me, or bid me hope. I have never ceased to love you, Lillian, but your faith was plighted to another, and I crushed my heart into silence. But he who stood between us is dead, and, as God shall judge me, I have sorrowed sincerely over his grave; but nothing now binds you; you are free to love me if you will. Darling, darling Lillian, come to my heart and be its queen.”I put forth my arms to draw her to my side, but she drew back and said:“No, sir, the change is too sudden. A moment ago therewas a look of contempt on your face—nay, do not deny it—and now you would have me believe these wild protestations of your phœnix-like love.”There was a gleam of triumph in her eyes that told me she did believe me, and gloried in her wondrous power, but I was careless of everything save to be lord of her hand and heart.“Lillian,” I said, gazing into her face with such intense earnestness that even her eyes fell beneath my gaze, “you once believed me; will you doubt me now when I swear to you that I love you as no other man ever dared love you before—that I am willing to give up everything for your sake, even the memory of Ramie? If that stands between our love, I will forget that he ever lived and forget that he ever died.”I felt a shudder run from her frame into her hand as the harsh words fell from my lips, but ‘twas only a shudder.“You are sure you mean what you say?” she said, with a half credulous smile that irritated me, and a slight pressure of her fingers that soothed and made me hopeful. I waited for her to continue, and we both sat for a few moments gazing into the glowing coals on the hearth before us. Suddenly, deep in the fire, where the heat was whitest, a dull red spot appeared, that seemed to rise and fall as if there was breath beneath it. In an instant I was again kneeling on the damp ground, with a white face resting on my arm, and pale lips bubbling blood as they bade me farewell. It was as vivid as vision itself; and after the eyes were closed by the surgeon’s hand, I could still see the pale lips murmuring, “False! False!”My hands and forehead grew cold as ice, and my heart, in its remorse, beat audibly, “False loving false! False loving false!” My resolve was taken from that moment; I would not be shaken from it by scorn or tears. I dropped her hand and, rising, said:“Miss Carrover, I did mean all that I said; you know that I have loved you; but forget it. Even if you could love me, which I dare not hope, it must not be—Ramie’s spirit forbids it. Will you pardon what I have said tonight?”She rose and stood before me, the personification of anger and scorn, her dreamy eyes now flashing, and her beautiful face flushed with her feeling.“Do you fear that I am going to accept your paltry love, that you hasten to retract it? Not content with insulting me with your cant about what was due the dead, you have attempted a contemptible flirtation. To say that I saw through your pitiful design, would indicate that I paid some attention to your rhodomontade, which I did not; but ‘tis useless to waste further words upon you; I can never sufficiently express my contempt; there! go, sir!” and with a gesture that would have graced Siddons she pointed her jewelled hand to the door.With a profound bow, I said:“Thanks, Miss Carrover, for the lesson of to-night. But before I take my leave permit me to remind you that you asked my adv——” but she had swept magnificently from the room.The next evening, while strolling with Ned on the suburbs of the village, I met Miss Carrover riding in a buggy with Ellerton, who had not yet applied for re-admission to the University, but was staying with a friend. She looked confused as she passed us, and averted her head, while I turned and stared at them till they were out of sight.“Oh, Ramie, Ramie,” I murmured, as we turned homeward, “better to wed death than the false creature of thy betrothal; better the worm at thy lips than her kiss; better the sod on thy cheek than her Delilah-like caresses.”CHAPTER XXVIII.Aboutthe first of April I received a letter from father, saying that they had at last concluded to put in execution a plan that had been spoken of before I left home—namely, going to Europe while I was finishing my studies. They would go first to Cuba, where they would spend some time at Carlotta’s home, and where father could attend to the management of her large estates. They would then sail directly for Liverpool, and spend two or three years in England and on the continent. I was to graduate at Chapel Hill, then go to Berlin or Heidelberg.I felt almost irresistibly impelled to write and ask permission to accompany them, but reflecting on it, determined to remain at Chapel Hill and study with renewed diligence.A second letter, some weeks later, informed me that all necessary arrangements had been completed, and that father, mother and Carlotta would be in Raleigh on a specified night, on their way to New York, to take steamer for Havana, and requesting me to meet them, to say good-bye.At the appointed time I met them, and while they were cheerful I could not help feeling sad at the thought of being left here alone; but I bore up bravely under the disappointment, and promised father that he should hear a good report of me.After tea he and mother walked up town to see an old friend, and Carlotta and I were left together. While she was affable and pleasant as possible, I could not shake off a silent moodiness, and she, to divert me, and to relieve our rather dull conversation, brought me a casket of jewels that belonged to her mother. They had been sent to her by the agent of Mr. Rurleston’s estate in Cuba, and had reached her since I left home. There were antique rings and braceletsof most exquisite workmanship, there were diamonds that would have made Mahmoud of Ghisni envious, and pearls that would have equalled the Zanana. I was very much struck by the design of a pair of bracelets. They were made in Etruscan gold and were a pair of serpents with ruby eyes and emerald spots. They were made long, flexible and spiral, so that when clasped upon the arm they seemed to be gliding up the flesh. There was some long family history connected with them, which Carlotta related, but I have forgotten its tenor. But the most interesting article in the casket was a beautifully enamelled locket, containing a picture of her mother. When she opened it and I looked upon the face, I was perfectly entranced. Its beauty was of that radiant perfection that seems only to have existed in the conceptions of Vandyke or Correggio. It was perfect in every exquisite feature, yet its wondrous fascination lay in their combination. The lustrous, pensive eyes, the delicately curved mouth, the soft, olive complexion, the oval outline of her face, were all beautifully relieved by the rich mass of raven hair that fell in splendid profusion over the bare, smooth neck.Lillian’s beauty depended greatly on her skilful adornment, and her brilliant appearance was ever in debt to her toilet, but this face needed no cosmetic, its beauty was nature’s gift, and art could only enhance it.It was my ideal, and my heart only withheld its homage because ‘twas but a portrait.Looking up from it to address Carlotta, I was startled to find in her face an exact counterpart of the picture, only her features were childish and immature. Her beauty was the bud, this the perfect bloom.“Will she be like this when she is grown? Heavens! how I would adore her!” I thought, as I gazed from one to the other and marked the points of resemblance.I had ever regarded Carlotta as a pretty child, whomeverybody admired, but I had not thought of her as growing up into the perfect, lovely woman; but now a strange indescribable unrest awoke in my heart, and I felt that I should be far more unhappy when she was gone than I had thought.While I had never, and could not then think of loving her, save as a friend and brother, yet the reflection that she was going away to forget me and perhaps to love another, was galling in the extreme to my feelings, both of pride and disappointment.“Carlotta,” I said, handing the picture back to her with a compliment, and looking at her with a newly awakened interest, “I fear that amid all the splendor and novelty of the scenes through which you will soon pass, you will forget almost that I ever lived.”“No, indeed,” she replied, looking at me frankly, “there is no danger of that; gratitude, if nothing else, will keep your memory ever fresh with me.”“But you will be a grown lady ere you return, and will, I know, have many admirers. You will love some one of them, and I will be only a cipher in your past.”“No, no, you have been too noble and good to me. Do you think me so base? Here!” and taking a pair of scissors from her box, she cut off a long curling ringlet of hair and put it in my hand, “keep that as my pledge that I will remember you every day while I am gone, and no matter when we meet again I promise to redeem it, as the same little Carlotta you have been so kind to.”“Thank you, Carlotta, I will treasure it carefully,” I said, folding it up with a strange thrill of pleasure for only a child’s simple gift.Father and mother came back now, and after a few words of parting and some tears, I bade them good-bye and hastened down to the office, as I was to return to Durham’s on the night train.Oh, what a pleasure to me was that single lock of hair!For days and months after they were gone a glance at it would recall her dear face in all its beautiful earnestness, as she so unhesitatingly pledged her remembrance. And now that she was gone—for years, perhaps forever—I found—yes, I will confess it—child as she was,I loved her.CHAPTER XXIX.Thesession and a vacation in the mountains passed, I commenced my studies as a Sophomore, and under this new dignity fresh trials of my moral courage every day arose. I was constantly being solicited to join some scheme of devilment, and though my conscience always bade me refuse, the voice of the multitude often prevailed, and I was thus drawn into many an affair of which I was afterward heartily ashamed.Our class seemed determined to surpass all of its predecessors in annoyances to the Faculty, the derangement and often destruction of college property and the “devilling” of Fresh. One of the Faculty, whose views of discipline were rigid, and who could not brook the slightest disturbance in his room, was our special mark. Going into recitation we would load our pockets with gravel and acorns, and by dextrously throwing them over our neighbor’s shoulder we would keep a perfect hail of them upon the floor, rendering recitation impossible. Sometimes a rat would be carried in and turned loose in the room, and every one would mount his seat in an apparent extremity of terror. Bugs, reptiles and even poisonous snakes were put on the floor, to run under the students’ legs and cause a sufficient disturbance to suspend the lecture.An attempt to “blow up” the professor was even made by placing a small quantity of powder under his rostrum; which, indeed, came near being a much more serious matter than was intended.One morning, as Ned and I came out from breakfast, we were requested to go up to one of our classmate’s rooms, where we found nearly the whole class assembled. The object of the meeting was, so we were informed, to consider the proposition to “dress” for L——, the professor. To “dress” for a professor was to attend lecture in the most ridiculous and grotesque costume attainable, and had ever been regarded by the Faculty as the highest contempt for their authority, and an offence meriting extreme punishment.The proposition was warmly seconded and approved, there being only one dissenting voice, that of Ned.When the roll was called for the votes, he rose and said that, while he regretted to oppose himself to the class, yet the course proposed tended to defeat the object of their attendance upon the Institution, and was, therefore, wrong; that it was undignified and discourteous, and that he could not join them.Amid cries of “Bootlick! order! Cheyleigh, you’re right! silence!” Ned took his hat and walked quietly from the room.When my name was called, poor, weak I, could only respond, “I am in for anything the class agrees on,” while my heart was throbbing to follow Ned’s example.When we assembled, at eleven o’clock, could Falstaff have seen us he would have thought his troop perfect dandies. Great, tall fellows, six feet high, appeared in coats whose sleeves scarce reached their elbow, and pants that were far above their knees. Little fellows had on clothes that smothered them, and which were stuffed out with pillows till Daniel Lambert would have been a skeleton beside them.Others wore pasteboard collars, whose points extended far above their heads, while a whole window curtain of flaming chintz served them for a cravat. Some had their clothing on wrong side out, and one man had reversed his entire suit, putting everything on hind part before. A few had gone to the trouble of getting up costumes from the stores, and appeared as demons and devils with most hideous faces, and horns, hoofs and tails. The most amusing character of all was a rare genius from the mountains, whom everybody knew as Joe. A man of brilliant ability and rare attainments, he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and yet, from his innate love of fun, he was ever getting into some difficulty. He was attired, on this occasion, in an immense swallow tailed coat of brown homespun, and tremendous copperas striped pants. He had gotten a pair of shoe-store signs down town and wore them for boots, the legs coming up nearly to his waist and the feet about a yard long. He wore a tremendous pair of green goggles, and carried around his neck a rusty old log chain, from which was suspended a large circular clock to serve as his watch. A turn down collar of white cloth extending to his shoulders like a cape, and a whole sheet crammed in his pocket as a handkerchief, completed his outfit. He was unanimously chosen our leader and we marched to the section room. The professor looked serious and was ominously silent till we were all seated. He called the roll with unusual gravity, and then, that the desired defeat of the recitation might not be accomplished, commenced to examine the class; but the attempt was futile. One would reply that he would answer the question as soon as he could get his voice up out of his collar; another, that his pants were almost long enough and were stretching, and that as soon as they got past his knees he would take pleasure in telling all he knew. Joe, upon being called on, took out his clock with a great rattle of his chain, then drawing out his immense sheet, proceededto wipe his goggles with it, and then blow his nose as if it was a trumpet. The ridiculousness of this proceeding called forth such a laugh from the class that the professor dismissed us in disgust, first summoning all of us to appear before the Faculty when the bell rang.Immediately on our dismissal we held an informal meeting in the campus and agreed to appear before the Faculty in our costumes. There was a wide stare of indignation and surprise on their faces as we filed into the room and took our seats. The professor preferred his charges, and the president, having called on each member of the board for an expression of opinion, asked us if we had anything to say in justification of our offence. No one spoke for several moments, and they were about to proceed with the case when Joe slowly rose to his feet and said in solemn tones:“Mr. President and gentlemen of the Faculty—I have somewhat to say in behalf of these my friends. Will you be kind enough to state what length of time you will allow me for their defence?”He paused and waited a reply, looking as solemn through his great frog-eyed spectacles as if he was in the High Court of Chancery.“Speak on, Mr.——,” the chairman replied, “we cannot entertain your nonsensical proposals for time, but we are willing to allow you to make any statement you wish, and to give any excuses you can for your conduct.”“My friends,” said Joe, turning to us, “do you hear that? Bear me witness, and see that they accord the full measure of their promise.”So saying, he drew from under his coat the old clock, and taking the chain from his neck, he let it clatter with great noise on the floor, and laid the clock before him on a bench, after the manner of public speakers. He then carefully noted the time, cleared his throat, adjusted his specs and began:“Oh, most worthy Paishdadians, the early dispensers ofjustice, in whom are centred the majesty of the Pharaohs, the wisdom of the Magi, and the dignity of the Conscript Fathers, both Roman and Sabine! I would not detain you with useless words, but simply tell why we have appeared to-day in costumes which you, in the plenitude of your wisdom, have deemed offensive:“We are unfortunate young men, severed from the endearments of home and cut off from the paternal exchequer; no sewing sisters’ love, no darning mothers’ care! Can you wonder that our wardrobes have suffered such considerable depletion that we must make some changes or renew? As to renew was impossible, with remittances rarer than angels’ visits, we wisely chose to change.“The apparent absurdity of these changes is at once explained by their utility as well as their necessity. Permit me to enumerate a few, and point out their peculiar advantages. I have been, as you all know, of very studious habits; consequently the abrasion of mysedes pantaloonorumhas been constant. As concealment was no longer possible I exchanged with a smaller friend, whose shortness of leg will enable him to draw the trite orifices up beyond the reach of vision, while the brevity of his unmentionables enables me to preserve my respectability by the display of a new pair of socks, which I borrowed.“My fat friend here found that his garments were wearing out more on the inside than the out, and, consequently, exchanges with this starved anatomy, that the outside may catch up. He then squeezes into the lean man’s suit, to reduce his pinguisity. My reversed friend here,” pointing to the man who had his clothes with the front turned behind, “has been suffering with a chronic crick till his head has twisted entirely around. With an energy worthy of Ithacus he has resolved to retrograde through life, rather than submit to the tyranny of his neck and change his clothes; hence his remarkable attitude and crawfish gait.“The other gentlemen present have reasons equally good for the fashions they have adopted, and which this out-of-the-way place may deem a littleoutré.“This much, gentlemen, to show that my comrades, as well as myself, had cause for our conduct. But I see by the cold regard of your stern faces that you do not believe me. If it were not for the consumption of your valuable time I could introduce witnesses to prove what I have stated, but ‘tis useless.”“Stop, sir!” exclaimed the president, “we have endured this farce long enough. Gentlemen,” addressing the Faculty, “what are your opinions of the offence and its punishment?”“Sir!” said Joe, with a green, piercing glance, “you have promised that you would allow me to make my defence, and I claim the privilege.”“Well, go on, sir, we cannot wait much longer.”“I shall take my leisure,” said Joe, stooping down to look at the face of his clock. “Well, I pass on to my secondly, then. My firstly was a statement of facts; my secondly shall be argument, and my thirdly, appeal. I do then emphatically deny to you the right of jurisdiction in our case. You cannot take cognizance, even, of our proceedings unless you make the University of North Carolina a tailor’s shop and prescribe the fashions for its students. What right have the Faculty of a purely literary Institution to say what shall be the cut of my coat, merely because I am a matriculate? By what authority do you object to my clothing, so long as it is decent? and I am sure none of my friends here can be accused of indecency of apparel.“If, however, you insist upon your right, by what standard do you condemn our appearance? Do you know what the latest fashions are? Have any of you seen a Paris paper this year, and are you certain that your information on these points is later than mine. If so, I cheerfully waivethe right to determine for myself, and submit to your direction. But why multiply remarks; if you can find us guilty of any infringement of the laws of the University, behold we are in your hands, to be dealt with after our sins, but we do protest against being condemned by some perverted construction of a remote rule.“And now we know, although you have no right, yet you will try us and condemn us. We throw ourselves upon your mercy. Oh! be tender with us. We are young and unsophisticated; we are away from father and mother, and some of us, alas! are orphans; will you deal harshly with us simply for changing our fashion? Oh! ye who have sons, plead with those who have not, and obtain for us clemency. Do not, with puritanic bigotry, strain at a gnat of a garment and swallow a camel of cruelty. Oh have mercy! Have mercy! We have suffered the pangs of remorse, our bowels have yearned over our transgression and groaned for dinner, and we are ready now to get down upon our all fours and gallop out the door if you will only speak the word. Speak it—bohoo-oo! Spe-oo-ea-oo-kit!”He pulled his great sheet handkerchief out, and spreading it on the bench before him, buried his face in it and sobbed aloud.The Faculty did not smile, and we were too badly scared to laugh; and so Joe raised his head soon and wiped his eyes, took up his clock and chain and put it on again, then leaned back as solemn and sad as Heraclitus.The President then rose, and without the slightest appreciation of Joe’s effort, said:“Your conduct, gentlemen, has been considered by the Faculty in an impartial and unprejudiced manner, and their unanimous vote is that you be dismissed for an indefinite period.“The farcical character of your defence, delivered through your representative, and its absurd and contemptible conclusion,place it too far beneath our notice for any reply; but I wish to say a word or two to those who have engaged in this affair thoughtlessly. There is a very mistaken idea among students generally that it is manly and courageous to resist constituted authority, and that such a course will gain for them a reputation for independence and spirit. They forget that in this resistance, and in the obstruction of recitation, they injure only themselves, and defeat the very end for which they have come to college. Resistance to tyranny is sometimes worthy of admiration, but here there can be no tyranny, for the same rights and protection are guaranteed the students as the tutor, and an appeal to the right source would prove a far more speedy and effective remedy than the course pursued.“Many of you joined in this shameful affair for the want of moral courage, and scarcely one of you really desired to enter into it. To those who originated the plot I would say, remember that those you persuade to join you suffer equally with yourselves, and your magnanimity will surely deter you from getting others into trouble; and I would beg those who were led into this, in future to consider the certain result of their conduct; disgrace and mortification, without a single point being gained. And I ask you all, does the paltry pleasure of raising a laugh, repay even the trouble of dressing, much less the shame each one feels or ought to feel? I hope that you will look at this question of deportment in its true light and act thereon. You have heard the sentence, gentlemen, and can retire.”We sauntered from the room, and, once outside, commenced a Babel of confused talk, which was broken up by our departing to our rooms to put on some decent apparel. I sat down and commenced to indite a letter to father, but found it impossible to write in the excited state of my mind. As we had to leave the Hill in a few hours after our dismissal, I began to pack my trunk. Soon after dinner, however,I learned that the members of the class who had not joined us, had gotten up a petition for our reinstatement. The Faculty required a pledge of future good behavior from each of us concerned before they would entertain the petition at all; and I found to my surprise that those who had been most anxious to get up the “dress,” and who had been most violent in their outcry against those who refused to join them, were now the most solicitous of all that the petition should be signed, and were among the first to put their names to the pledge. There was one exception, Joe refused to sign anything or in any way recognize the right of the Faculty to condemn us. He declared he would stand by the principles set forth in his speech, and nothing could move him from it. In spite of his frolics he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and several of them went to him privately and endeavored to persuade him to sign the pledge. He thanked them, but firmly declined, and next morning took his departure. We all gave him three cheers as he drove off to Durham’s, which he returned by waving his handkerchief till he was out of sight.True old Joe! The last tidings I had of him were that, as Colonel in the Confederate army, he had refused parole at Appomattox and gone to the Dry Tortugas.CHAPTER XXX.TheSpring session opened with pleasant prospects for us all. I was conveniently situated for study, and resolved to make the most of my opportunity. The great college office in those days was Marshal for the commencement exercises. Even early in the session those interested commenced to electioneer for their respective favorites. Frank was one of the candidates,and in the race for popularity his demagogical spirit was wonderfully successful. He had never had much to do with me since the death of DeVare, but he now seemed determined to renew our old intimacy.As he fully possessed the art of making himself agreeable, and hiding his cloven foot, I enjoyed some very pleasant hours with him.He was even confidential with me; said that he was engaged to Lulie, and that she loved him very devotedly, but that he had not quite made up his mind yet.“And when do you expect to marry her?” I asked one day, when we had been talking about her.“Marry, did you say? Ha! ha! that is a good one. Marry, the devil! Why, you do not suppose that I am in earnest with her, do you?”“You ought to be, if she loves you, as you say she does, and as I believe,” I replied, with indignation in my tone.“Well, perhaps I am,” he said with a careless laugh; “without boasting, she is certainly infatuated with me, and I—I love to be with her, hold her hand and clasp her waist, and all that sort of thing, but whether you call that love or not I do not know.”“Why, you do not mean to say you have gone as far as that?” I asked, in surprise, for I had never supposed that Lulie, with all her infatuation, would permit such liberties.“Umph! I should think I had; and I count myself deucedly fortunate; for it isn’t every day a fellow kisses such lips as hers.”“Frank, you shock me.”“Do I? Oh, Lulie is very prudent, with every one else; but you see with her betrothed she feels a little freer. By the way, John, how did you make it with Miss Carrover?”“I had a pretty fair game,” I replied, cautiously, for I did not wish to be communicative. “Did you try your hand there?”“Only a little,” he replied; “a stolen kiss or two and a half squeeze was all I got from her. Ellerton had it out with her though.”“You surprise me,” I said. “I thought she was very chary of her favors.”“Chary, the devil! I could tell you of a dozen men in college who were engaged to her. She lived on flirtation. ‘Twas reported that you were swamped terribly. They say you were the only one in earnest.”“Those who say so know nothing about it,” I replied warmly, for I was nettled at his words.“Well, well, no offence I hope; but, changing the subject, you will come to my supper, Friday evening, will you not? I’ll take no refusal. There will be a select company, and we cannot do without you.”He was so urgent in his invitation that I finally consented to attend.As I started to the supper room Friday night, Ned said, in his kind way:“Do not drink much, to-night, John. It is hard to count one’s glasses in the midst of so much hilarity.”“Never fear for me,” I said, gaily, as I ran down the stairs. Frank had secured rooms down town, and on reaching them I found the company all assembled. There were Markham and Bolton, two Seniors, to contribute dignity; Trickley, a Soph., who was brimful of song; Ellerton, who was considered a wit; two or three others whose names I have forgotten, and last a little Fresh named Peepsy, who was so exceedingly verdant that Frank had brought him down as a butt for us. I shook hands round and bowed stiffly to Ellerton, whom I had not spoken to since the duel.The time before supper was laid was, as is always the case, dull, the Seniors discussing Mill and Say, Vattel and Montesquieu, as if the fate of the nation depended on their opinion, while the rest of us addressed each other in shortsentences after long intervals of silence. At length a servant announced that supper was on the table. We passed through a folding door, and gathered around a table that was really groaning beneath its massive load of delicacies. Frank had ordered the supper from Richmond, and Pazzini had excelled himself. After the usual chair scrapings, waiter trippings, plate turnings and comic graces, some of which were shockingly irreverent, we got to work. With some flow of conversation and a laugh at Peepsy, who called Swiss Meringue a syllabub sandwich, we came to the removal of the cloth.I had determined, on my way thither, not to touch wine unless courtesy compelled it, but now, as I caught the contagion of hilarity, and found that what I said was applauded and listened to—dangerous flattery—a reckless spirit of conviviality seized me, and I threw restraint to the winds, resolving to have a “good time” for once. Conscience had withdrawn into a corner of my heart, and revelry held its carnival.The green seals were broken and the amber fluid bubbled in our glasses.I drank one as we toasted Frank, another after his reply, and the third at a compliment to myself.As the glasses were large, and I was unused to more than half a glass at a time, I felt what I had imbibed glowing over my system. A warm flush came into my face, and the mercury of excitement went up several degrees.After we had exhausted all the cut and dried toasts, and all the studied things had been said, we were thrown back upon our own originality. Markham then proposed that we sing the old song ofVive la Compagnie, toasting each other in turn, while the man who was toasted must reply by a distich of the song.Ellerton immediately rose with a brimming glass in his hand and said:“A good idea, Markham, and to commence I propose, gentlemen, Mr. Smith, the block on which Miss Carrover sharpened the blade of her coquetry.”I felt the blood surge to my temples and a harsh retort rise to my lips, but I controlled myself, as the chorus paused for my reply, and sang:“The block will be happy to sharpen a bitWhat so much needs edge, as the gentleman’s wit.”Amid cries of Good! good! we drank again, with a noisy “Vive la, vive la, vive l’amour!”Others were then proposed, and with each toast my glass was filled. And now the first effects of the wine began to be felt. I became conscious of a slight unsteadiness of vision, and found that when I attempted to look at any object my eyes went past it like the pendulum of a clock, then went back again, so that I had to move them several times before I could concentrate on what I wished to see. Even then my sight was not very clear, for the lamps had misty rings around them, and when I reached out my hand for my glass I had to make an effort or two before I could touch it. The table, too, seemed to have a wave or elevation in the middle, and the wall on the opposite side of the room was not exactly perpendicular. My consciousness, too, was an unreal consciousness, as if I were dreaming of all these surroundings, and this uncertainty of vision somewhat confused me in ideas and actions. Remembering how much wine I had taken, a sudden fear came over me that I might be a little intoxicated, and with the thought an intense desire to conceal it. The best way to conceal it, I said to myself, is to talk on and convince them that nothing is the matter with me. Markham was sitting next to me and I resolved to speak to him of Lillian, for I was afraid that Ellerton’s remark had produced the impression on his mind that I had been jilted.“I say, Mis’er Mar’c’um,” I said, leaning much moreheavily on his shoulder than I intended, “you did’n think I loved Lill’yun the most, did y’r? Ellert’n was only jok’n. B’cause I got’s much’s she did in that game. Umph? Don’t you think so. Umph? Say, don’t you think so? Umph?”“Who the devil is Lillian?” he said, turning a red face and bloodshot eyes upon me. “Hold up. Trickley is going to sing.”“All right,” I said, pushing myself up from him; “just’s you say; I’ll tell you ‘bout it again.”I saw Trickley indistinctly on the other side of the table and heard him sing something about“The world is all an ocean and the people are the fish,The devil is the fisherman and baits us as we wish;When he wants to catch a boy he baits with sugar plums,When he wants to catch a man he baits with golden sums,”and closing my eyes to relieve them of the misty light I dozed in a half sleep with my head upon my breast till I was awakened by the applause at the conclusion of Trickley’s song.“H’rah!” I shouted, a little louder than any one else, smashing my glass as I brought it down upon the table.“Com mere, Jim,” I said, beckoning to the waiter who stood near me, “brush off these glass, and hold me up and sweep under me. D’you hear?”Negro-like he was full of laughter at my condition, and snickered outright as he swept off the fragments of glass.“Who’re you laughing at, you scoundrel? Umph?” I said, boiling over with rage, and seizing a goblet which Markham barely caught in time to save.“I declare, sir, I wasn’t laughing at all, sir,” said Jim, frightened at my anger.“You’re a lie, aint you? I say, aint you a lie? Markham, lend me your pist’l.”Markham was just drunk enough to do it, and handed a Sharpe’s four-shooter, but the negro had fled from the room,while Frank and Ellerton took the pistol away from me. Seeing how much intoxicated I was, they told me the poor negro had no idea of laughing at me, and that I had hurt his feelings very much, and ought to beg his pardon.“Bring him in and I’ll do it;” as I spoke he came in again with some cigars, and I called him to me. He had not lost all of his recent fright, however, and hesitated about coming any nearer.“Why don’t you com mere, Jim. I’ll throw a chair at you ‘f you don’t come,” I said, making an effort to rise. At length he drew near enough for me to touch him, when I threw one arm around his neck and said, with half sobs:“I beg your pard’n, Jim; I won’t hurt you. Are you ‘fraid of me? Umph? I love you, Jim, b’cause you’re all right, aint you?”The others pulled me from him, and told him to get on the other side of the table.“No; I want Jim to com mere. I know what I want; you all don’t know what I want.”“No, no, Smith, let Jim alone. Here, take a cigar,” said one or two, offering a case.“No; I want Jim. Jim’s all right,” I said, looking sleepily defiant.“Wait till after supper,” said Ellerton, “then you can see him. It’s your time to give us a song now.”“Th—hat’s all right, Ellerton; you’ll help me sing, won’t you? Now, I’m going to sing:“Then fill up your glasses—and your tumbler ‘sand your goblets,And drink to the health of it—all up and ask—for more”——“Oh, we’ve had enough of that, Smith. Sing us something, or we will have to try Peepsy, here,” said Trickley, who had been trying to make Peepsy say something all the evening.“Vive la! vive la compagnic!” I sang, winding up with a hiccup.“Smith, that’s stale, and boring as the devil,” said Ellerton; “hush! and let us hear the Fresh sing.”I was too stupid to make any reply, but made out to hear poor little Peepsy protest that he knew but one song in the world, and that was a hymn. But they would all take no refusal, and swore that unless he sang it they would tie him and leave him in the street all night, a threat he implicitly believed. I was almost in a second doze when I heard his little, quivering voice, as he sang:“I love to steal a while away,” etc.A song learned at his mother’s knee rendered in a drunken carousal! Poor little fellow, he was not in fault!Ellerton now proposed that we light our cigars and go up to the campus to have some fun.The Seniors said it was too undignified for them, and took their leave, and little Peepsy begged so hard we let him off.When I rose from my chair the floor seemed to rise in waves before me, and, attempting to collect my senses and steady my feet, I fell, and, striking my head against the table leaf, lay unconscious till they carried me out. The fresh air revived me somewhat, and we staggered on with a noise and tumult that called several others from their beds to join our plans, which were to bar the doors, tar the benches and put a cow in the belfry, if possible.Drunk as I was, I recognized in the accessions to our crowd the lowest men in college—fellows that I never spoke to, and who were evidently surprised at my plight. But it was no time for proud reserve, and so I led the way, shouting every few steps:“Come on, boys; we’re all right, ain’t we?”We procured some tar and smeared on all the benches in the accessible rooms, barred the doors and then went up to the belfry, which we burst in to get to the bell. While a part staid to ring it others went down to look for a cow tobring up. I sank down on the steps in a stupid sleep, with the thought piercing my drunken brain like a sword, “I am disgraced for ever. My parents will be mortified and my friends desert me.”I was awakened by a terrific noise near me, and some one’s stumbling over me. ‘Twas some time before I could see what was the matter, but at length, by a dingy lantern, I saw students above me with ropes in their hands. The ropes were tied to the horns of a cow that was standing with glaring eyes and frightful bellowing a few steps below me. I was too much frightened to move, and with great relief heard Frank reply to some one who suggested to run over the fool:“No, no; that’s Smith. He’s all right. Help him up, Donnery.”The person addressed caught me by the arm and gave me a rough jerk that landed me on the top step, from which I managed to crawl off to one side out of the way.“Now for it I” exclaimed several voices below; “pull, Donnery, you and Haggam pull.”They seemed to strain and tug at something without effect, and Haggam said, with a long breath:“What makes her so devilish hard to move? She came up the lower flights very well.”“She got scared of that drunken fool on the steps,” I heard the coarse voice of Donnery reply, and, intoxicated as I was, I breathed a solemn vow to Heaven that I would never merit that term again.Drawing the ropes tight again, Donnery shouted to Frank:“Twist her tail, Paning,—— her! that will move her.”“I have,” said Frank, “and she won’t budge.”“Let me get hold,” said a great rough fellow standing by him, and, taking the vaccine caudal in his two hands, he gave it such a wrench that, with a horrid roar, the poorcreature clattered up the steps, her hoofs sounding on the wood as if the building were falling. Once on the floor, they drove her on to a lecture room, and nailing up the door, left her there. Having finished this job they dispersed, Frank calling out good night! to me as he passed. I heard some one tell him he had better see to me, and heard him reply carelessly:“Never mind, he rooms on this floor, Cheyleigh’ll find him,” and my vow gained all the more strength from his neglect.I had just sense enough left to try to find my room, and was trying to totter to my feet, when some one took hold of my arm and said:“Mr. Smith, let me help you. Are you hurt much?”It was little Peepsy, who roomed on the same floor, and whom I had laughed at so, at Frank’s supper. He kindly endeavored to assist me to walk, but I was too drunk to make any progress, even with his assistance, so I sat down on the floor while he went to call Ned. A dizzy sickness came over me, and I essayed to lean on one arm to steady myself, but my elbow doubled under me and I fell over heavily on one side, bruising my forehead against the hard plank. The only consciousness left was a sense of shame, and I murmured, “What would father and mother say if they could see me now.”A light appeared at the farther end of the corridor, and I saw Ned approaching. A last tinge of pride made me desirous to seem less intoxicated to him, and, as he came up, I called out, trying to raise my head:“Hel-lo-old fellor, I’m all right; I want t’go t’me room, Ned. Where’s se key?”Ned did not make any reply, but with Peepsy’s aid got me to our room and assisted me to bed.I had scarcely tumbled lifelessly upon it before I was asleep.When I awoke all was still in the room, the sun was shining very brightly out doors, and looking at the clock on the mantel, I saw that it was nearly twelve. Oh! the torture of that awakening!My whole body seemed to be scorching in horrid flames, and my tongue and throat cracked with the heat, while a raging thirst consumed me. Yet I was so weak and feeble that had water been near me I could not have stretched forth my hand to touch it.But physical suffering was nothing to my mental torture. My instability of character, my broken resolves, my ridiculous and disgraceful conduct, my wreck of all pretensions to moral character, the surprise and pain of my friends, the sneers of my enemies, and my own consciousness of degradation, all crowded upon me till I felt that my disgrace was irretrievable.With a sigh of relief I heard the bell ring, and put a stop to the train of my remorseful reflections.Ned came in, with a kind smile on his face, and, at my whispered request, gave me a goblet of cool, fresh water. How intensely delicious it was! Better far than the amber Chian or red Falernian, mellowed by years in the vaults of Mecænas, the pure, harmless beverage God hath brewed for His creatures!

CHAPTER XXVI.Howstrange those long days of insensibility now seem! How mysterious that vague consciousness of unconsciousness, when the mind closes all communication with the outer world, and lives in a state of semi-existence within itself! All sight was gone, yet a dull gray blank pressed down upon my eyeballs—gray and dull, though invisible; all hearing was gone, yet a singing sound lingered in my ears, as if a cap had been exploded near them; feeling there was none, yet an undefined pain and sickness pervaded my system, like a dream of deadly nausea. A gap in existence, a chasm in thought and sense, known through the veil of an uncertain consciousness! After a long while, as it seemedto me, vague, uncertain shadows began to flit across this dull blank before my vision. Gradually, after many flittings, they began to assume varying shapes; and, as the form and features of a negative slowly come into distinctness as the photographer washes the plate, so these shapes began to show distinctly as familiar forms and faces. But oh! how changed their expression! Those whom I had thought loved me most now wore the blackest scowl for me, and, pointing at me, called me Murderer! Father, mother and Carlotta stood around me constantly, regarding me with a fiendish malignity and hatred. But among all the faces that passed before me there was one that never changed its position or expression—always directly before me, almost touching mine; a face with a stony glare from its fixed eyes; a face with a snarl of hate on its white lips, from which bubbled a froth of blood; a face I could never escape, go where I would. I sprang over frightful precipices, I traversed burning deserts, I climbed rugged wilds, but everywhere, turning as I turned,thatface was ever before me, freezing my blood with its hideous scowl. After awhile these visions became less distinct, and soon another blank succeeded, during which I one day unclosed my eyes and found everything familiar around me.The room was darkened and silent. The occasional clicking of the coals in the grate, as they powdered their red cheeks with white ashes, and the foot-fall of a passer on the pavement below, were all the sounds I could hear. I tried to raise myself on my elbow to make out what it all meant, but I had scarcely made the effort when some one rose from a chair at the side of the bed, and Carlotta’s beautiful face bent over me, with an expression of anxious inquiry, as if she thought I was still delirious.“Where—where have I been? How came I in bed?” I said, in a weak, drawling voice.“Oh, you are yourself again!” she exclaimed, with a cry of delight; “let me run and tell Mrs. Smith.”“No; stop! Tell me what I am doing in this dark room. What is the matter with me?”“You have been very sick,” she said, removing a wet cloth from my forehead, and wiping the dampness away; “you have been delirious for more than two weeks. But the doctor says you must lie still and not talk.”“But Iwilltalk,” I said, peevishly; “Iwillknow how I came here. Where are Ned and Ramie?”A half distinct memory of the duel and its consequences flitted across my mind, but it was all so confused that it seemed some horrid dream, and in helpless uncertainty I turned my cheek over on my palm and gazed at Carlotta, imploringly.She stroked my forehead with her soft hand, and begged me to remain quiet, promising to tell me all I wanted to know as soon as I became a little stronger. Her touch and sweet voice were so soothing that I fell into a gentle doze, from which I soon awoke much clearer in my mind than before. And now a blighting remembrance of Ramie’s death came over me, with such force as to nearly unsettle my reason again.Mother soon came in, and, by skilfully diverting my thoughts from the painful subject, managed to remove some of the shadows that clustered around me.Days lengthened into weeks before I was able to sit up, and how dreary would have been those convalescent hours had it not been for Carlotta! She seemed to have no interest outside of my room. Her attention was never officious or too constant, and it was rendered with so much tact it seemed as if I was conferring a favor by accepting it. I was so sure it was a pleasure to her that I never refused letting her do whatever she would for me. She would sit by my bedside for hours reading or talking to me, seeking to divert me by all means possible from gloomy thoughts or sad reflections. So bright was the sunshine of her presencethat I was unhappy unless she were near me; and however dreary I might be feeling, as soon as she entered, my face and heart would sensibly brighten.While she would never allow me to draw her into conversation about Ramie and his mother, yet I gradually learned the sad truth. After Madame DeVare was carried to the hotel every effort was made by the physicians to revive her, but in vain. The cataleptic stroke, induced by the shock she received, in spite of all their labor, proved fatal, and she and Ramie were buried together in the cemetery the same day.Then Carlotta would listen with such a pleasant, talk-eliciting interest to my stories of college life that I could talk with untiring volubility. In return she would tell me of all that had occurred at home since I had been away, with so much originality of expression and artlessness of narration that I would lie and gaze for an hour at a time on her faultless face. Occasionally she would lift her eyes from her needlework, and whenever they met mine I always looked away with a strange and unaccountable confusion.One day, in our talk, she asked me if Frank and I were still good friends. I told her no, and inquired why she asked.“Because Lulie has changed so in her conduct towards me. She has been very reserved and formal with me since you left, and rarely visits me.”“Has Frank been paying her much attention this vacation?” I asked, taking a sip of the cordial that stood by my bed.“I have not had many opportunities for observing,” she replied, driving her stiletto through a floss flower on her embroidery; “but I have seen them together many times, and gossip says they are very much devoted. Perhaps it is at his request she has withdrawn her intimacy from me.”“No doubt of it,” I replied; “she is perfectly infatuated,and he cares nothing whatever for her, except as a conquest to boast of. I heard him read one of her letters to a crowd in his room one night, and tell of liberties he had taken.”Her dark eyes opened with a flash of indignant astonishment as she exclaimed, energetically:“And she trusts to such perfidy! I’ll warn her, if she spurns me, for we have been fond friends. But no,” she added, after a pause; “that would implicate you, and perhaps lead to another affray.”“I don’t care,” I said, punching in the end of the pillow, as if it were Frank’s head; “tell her by all means. I would go to her myself, but she would think it was an invention of my own to supersede Frank in her favor.”“I hear Mrs. Smith coming up stairs,” said Carlotta, folding up her work; “and as it is late in the afternoon I’ll run over to Dr. Mayland’s and have a good long talk with Lulie, and get back in time to bring up your tea.”“Bless your dear heart, how I love you!” I murmured, as I watched her tucking back the curtains and setting everything to rights ere she tripped from the room. I could not help instituting a comparison between her and Miss Carrover, and I could find only one point in the latter’s favor: that she was a grown lady, who had seen much of society, while Carlotta was, to my college dignity, only a child—too often present for the romantic sigh, and too constantly near for the heart-throb when I met her.And, in thinking of Lillian, the faint shadow of a demon thought began to flit across my mind. The baseness of its ingratitude made me shudder as I shrank from it; yet it gradually grew, ever lurking deep down in my heart, as it whispered, through the reveries of the day and the dreams of the night, “Lillian can love you now; Ramie is dead.”Deeply ungrateful as it was to the memory of my noble friend, I could not help looking forward with pleasure to my meeting with her: when I could take her hand, and,looking into her fond eyes, hear her say, “Nothing binds me now; I am yours forever.”I would then endeavor to plaster over conscience by imagining how fondly we would cherish together the memory of DeVare; how we would pour our mingled tears upon his grave, and feel that his spirit was smiling upon our union. And I would endeavor to convince myself that I would be acting in exact conformity to the wishes of Ramie, could he express them; and I would say a dozen times in a day, “I am sure Ramie had rather she would love me than another.”A day or two elapsed and I was able to walk about the house before Carlotta had an opportunity of telling me the result of her visit to Lulie.She said that as soon as she mentioned the subject Lulie had gotten into quite a passion about it, and said she had parents to advise her, and that she was under obligations to no one else for advice; that she would do as she pleased and take the consequences.“May heaven help her,” I said fervently, as we changed the subject.

Howstrange those long days of insensibility now seem! How mysterious that vague consciousness of unconsciousness, when the mind closes all communication with the outer world, and lives in a state of semi-existence within itself! All sight was gone, yet a dull gray blank pressed down upon my eyeballs—gray and dull, though invisible; all hearing was gone, yet a singing sound lingered in my ears, as if a cap had been exploded near them; feeling there was none, yet an undefined pain and sickness pervaded my system, like a dream of deadly nausea. A gap in existence, a chasm in thought and sense, known through the veil of an uncertain consciousness! After a long while, as it seemedto me, vague, uncertain shadows began to flit across this dull blank before my vision. Gradually, after many flittings, they began to assume varying shapes; and, as the form and features of a negative slowly come into distinctness as the photographer washes the plate, so these shapes began to show distinctly as familiar forms and faces. But oh! how changed their expression! Those whom I had thought loved me most now wore the blackest scowl for me, and, pointing at me, called me Murderer! Father, mother and Carlotta stood around me constantly, regarding me with a fiendish malignity and hatred. But among all the faces that passed before me there was one that never changed its position or expression—always directly before me, almost touching mine; a face with a stony glare from its fixed eyes; a face with a snarl of hate on its white lips, from which bubbled a froth of blood; a face I could never escape, go where I would. I sprang over frightful precipices, I traversed burning deserts, I climbed rugged wilds, but everywhere, turning as I turned,thatface was ever before me, freezing my blood with its hideous scowl. After awhile these visions became less distinct, and soon another blank succeeded, during which I one day unclosed my eyes and found everything familiar around me.

The room was darkened and silent. The occasional clicking of the coals in the grate, as they powdered their red cheeks with white ashes, and the foot-fall of a passer on the pavement below, were all the sounds I could hear. I tried to raise myself on my elbow to make out what it all meant, but I had scarcely made the effort when some one rose from a chair at the side of the bed, and Carlotta’s beautiful face bent over me, with an expression of anxious inquiry, as if she thought I was still delirious.

“Where—where have I been? How came I in bed?” I said, in a weak, drawling voice.

“Oh, you are yourself again!” she exclaimed, with a cry of delight; “let me run and tell Mrs. Smith.”

“No; stop! Tell me what I am doing in this dark room. What is the matter with me?”

“You have been very sick,” she said, removing a wet cloth from my forehead, and wiping the dampness away; “you have been delirious for more than two weeks. But the doctor says you must lie still and not talk.”

“But Iwilltalk,” I said, peevishly; “Iwillknow how I came here. Where are Ned and Ramie?”

A half distinct memory of the duel and its consequences flitted across my mind, but it was all so confused that it seemed some horrid dream, and in helpless uncertainty I turned my cheek over on my palm and gazed at Carlotta, imploringly.

She stroked my forehead with her soft hand, and begged me to remain quiet, promising to tell me all I wanted to know as soon as I became a little stronger. Her touch and sweet voice were so soothing that I fell into a gentle doze, from which I soon awoke much clearer in my mind than before. And now a blighting remembrance of Ramie’s death came over me, with such force as to nearly unsettle my reason again.

Mother soon came in, and, by skilfully diverting my thoughts from the painful subject, managed to remove some of the shadows that clustered around me.

Days lengthened into weeks before I was able to sit up, and how dreary would have been those convalescent hours had it not been for Carlotta! She seemed to have no interest outside of my room. Her attention was never officious or too constant, and it was rendered with so much tact it seemed as if I was conferring a favor by accepting it. I was so sure it was a pleasure to her that I never refused letting her do whatever she would for me. She would sit by my bedside for hours reading or talking to me, seeking to divert me by all means possible from gloomy thoughts or sad reflections. So bright was the sunshine of her presencethat I was unhappy unless she were near me; and however dreary I might be feeling, as soon as she entered, my face and heart would sensibly brighten.

While she would never allow me to draw her into conversation about Ramie and his mother, yet I gradually learned the sad truth. After Madame DeVare was carried to the hotel every effort was made by the physicians to revive her, but in vain. The cataleptic stroke, induced by the shock she received, in spite of all their labor, proved fatal, and she and Ramie were buried together in the cemetery the same day.

Then Carlotta would listen with such a pleasant, talk-eliciting interest to my stories of college life that I could talk with untiring volubility. In return she would tell me of all that had occurred at home since I had been away, with so much originality of expression and artlessness of narration that I would lie and gaze for an hour at a time on her faultless face. Occasionally she would lift her eyes from her needlework, and whenever they met mine I always looked away with a strange and unaccountable confusion.

One day, in our talk, she asked me if Frank and I were still good friends. I told her no, and inquired why she asked.

“Because Lulie has changed so in her conduct towards me. She has been very reserved and formal with me since you left, and rarely visits me.”

“Has Frank been paying her much attention this vacation?” I asked, taking a sip of the cordial that stood by my bed.

“I have not had many opportunities for observing,” she replied, driving her stiletto through a floss flower on her embroidery; “but I have seen them together many times, and gossip says they are very much devoted. Perhaps it is at his request she has withdrawn her intimacy from me.”

“No doubt of it,” I replied; “she is perfectly infatuated,and he cares nothing whatever for her, except as a conquest to boast of. I heard him read one of her letters to a crowd in his room one night, and tell of liberties he had taken.”

Her dark eyes opened with a flash of indignant astonishment as she exclaimed, energetically:

“And she trusts to such perfidy! I’ll warn her, if she spurns me, for we have been fond friends. But no,” she added, after a pause; “that would implicate you, and perhaps lead to another affray.”

“I don’t care,” I said, punching in the end of the pillow, as if it were Frank’s head; “tell her by all means. I would go to her myself, but she would think it was an invention of my own to supersede Frank in her favor.”

“I hear Mrs. Smith coming up stairs,” said Carlotta, folding up her work; “and as it is late in the afternoon I’ll run over to Dr. Mayland’s and have a good long talk with Lulie, and get back in time to bring up your tea.”

“Bless your dear heart, how I love you!” I murmured, as I watched her tucking back the curtains and setting everything to rights ere she tripped from the room. I could not help instituting a comparison between her and Miss Carrover, and I could find only one point in the latter’s favor: that she was a grown lady, who had seen much of society, while Carlotta was, to my college dignity, only a child—too often present for the romantic sigh, and too constantly near for the heart-throb when I met her.

And, in thinking of Lillian, the faint shadow of a demon thought began to flit across my mind. The baseness of its ingratitude made me shudder as I shrank from it; yet it gradually grew, ever lurking deep down in my heart, as it whispered, through the reveries of the day and the dreams of the night, “Lillian can love you now; Ramie is dead.”

Deeply ungrateful as it was to the memory of my noble friend, I could not help looking forward with pleasure to my meeting with her: when I could take her hand, and,looking into her fond eyes, hear her say, “Nothing binds me now; I am yours forever.”

I would then endeavor to plaster over conscience by imagining how fondly we would cherish together the memory of DeVare; how we would pour our mingled tears upon his grave, and feel that his spirit was smiling upon our union. And I would endeavor to convince myself that I would be acting in exact conformity to the wishes of Ramie, could he express them; and I would say a dozen times in a day, “I am sure Ramie had rather she would love me than another.”

A day or two elapsed and I was able to walk about the house before Carlotta had an opportunity of telling me the result of her visit to Lulie.

She said that as soon as she mentioned the subject Lulie had gotten into quite a passion about it, and said she had parents to advise her, and that she was under obligations to no one else for advice; that she would do as she pleased and take the consequences.

“May heaven help her,” I said fervently, as we changed the subject.

CHAPTER XXVII.Nedand I are again at Chapel Hill, in our old room. We found our books and furniture dusty, but undisturbed, and a day’s preparation sufficed to get us in harness again.It was with great difficulty father had secured my re-admission. His first application was peremptorily refused, but by many letters and pledges to the trustees and faculty, and in consideration of my youth and inexperience, I was at last allowed to go on with my class.For all this I had made extra resolves of diligence, and had promised father that nothing should divert me from intense application to my books.Of Miss Carrover I thought but little. I had heard from Charleston, whither she had gone soon after the duel, that she was the gayest belle of its society. This disregard of what was due the memory of her betrothed, coupled with the gradually acquired conviction that my suit was hopeless, and a conscientious desire to do well in my studies, had somewhat impaired the romantic fervor of my admiration for her, and I heard with remarkable composure the statement that she would spend a week or two in Chapel Hill on her way to New York. I resolved at first not to see her at all; but, feeling that this was too great a confession of weakness, even to myself, and having, besides, in my possession the valuables DeVare had requested me to deliver to her, I determined to call just once, that I might mark her deportment before making up my final judgment on her character. Of one thing I was fully resolved, that whether she was gay or sad, whether kind and cordial or cold and distant towards me, no word or glance of mine should betray the faintest trace of the old love, or depart from the consistent seriousness of real bereavement.When I entered the parlor at Professor Z——’s I found her surrounded by a throng of admirers. As she came forward to meet me, the same superbly beautiful woman I had once adored, her usual queenly air softened into one of kindest greeting, and gave me both hands in her warm welcome, my heart bounded wildly, and for a moment I had forgotten Ramie, resolves, and everything save the rapture of being near her again—of hearing her soft, rich voice, and gazing into her dreamy eyes. The presence of other gentlemen restrained me, or I believe I should have knelt at her feet.Taking my seat in the circle, and dropping into a commonplace conversation, I gradually regained my senses and my self-control. And as I became composed, and marked the levity of her conduct—the jest, the sarcasm and the repartee—andthen thought of the cold form in the cemetery at home, my admiration of her beauty was tinged with contempt for her frivolity.Her visitors began to depart, and I was about to say good night without having accomplished my mission, when she handed me a slip of paper, on which she had scribbled the words “Don’t leave.”Of course I waited, and we were soon in the parlor alone.As the last one closed the door she moved on the sofa and said:“Come, sit by me. Oh, how tiresome those fellows are! and I wanted to be alone with you so much. Now tell me all about yourself, for it has been a dreary, long time since I have seen you.”“I thought you were aware, Miss Carrover, that I was connected with a most unfortunate affair at the close of the session,” I replied, nervously twisting my watch chain, for I hardly knew what reply to make, and felt embarrassed and awkward.“Oh! do not speak of that,” she exclaimed, burying her face in her handkerchief, and trembling with very inaudible sobs. “I was trying to avoid that subject. My heart has been almost broken in its agony. Only in the past few days have I been able to compose my thoughts and feelings. Oh, the terrible shock of the announcement!” Her voice was so muffled by the handkerchief over her face that her words were almost indistinguishable. Far better could they have been lost in the cambric folds than to have vibrated into eternal existence!The only reply I could make was to give her the casket containing Ramie’s ring and jewels, as he had directed.She lifted her face, with eyes rather dry for such convulsive weeping, and taking the casket pressed it to her lips, as she said:“And did he think of me! Oh, how can I ever love you enough for your kindness to him!”I ventured to say, “Love his memory.”“I do, I do,” she replied, looking into my eyes with hers clear and tearless. “Heaven alone knows how I cherish the memory of my noble Ramie!”I did her the justice to believe her, but said nothing.She continued, trying to open the back of the watch:“But, my dear friend, for this mutual grief has made you seem nearer than ever before, there is one point on which I want your counsel. How must I act towards society? Must I open my heart to its hundred eyes, and, by a sudden seclusion and retirement, reveal my sacred sorrow to its gaze; or must I go through the hollow mockery of gaiety, and assume a cheerful face with an aching heart? Gentlemen call every evening, and I am at a loss to know what to do. If I refuse to receive visitors it will cause remark and inquiry, and my engagement with Mr. DeVare will be made public, with all the usual train of disagreeable comment. I sometimes think it were best to do violence to my own feelings, and appear in company as if nothing had happened, while I am here. I will soon be in New York, where I can adapt my conduct to my sad bereavement. Do you not think so?”“Really, Miss Carrover,” I replied, coldly, for the veil of her pretended sorrow was too thin, “I do not feel competent to advise you. You know best how the death of DeVare affects you; and, if you will pardon me for saying it, your smiles and favors to the frivolous throng to-night would indicate that your course of action is already determined.”“Oh, Mr. Smith, you blame me, I know you do, and perhaps I deserve it; but you cannot appreciate my feelings. I did love Ramie devotedly, for he was the noblest and best of earth; but no one knew we were betrothed, and to retire from society now would be only to reveal what he wishedkept secret. Besides, I will be candid enough to confess that I find the best cure for a sad heart in a round of pleasure, and, knowing that seclusion and manifested grief were not expected of me, I have sought to drown my sorrow in a whirl of frivolity.”She paused, and looked at me for some reply, but, as I could make none but what would have offended her, I said nothing.“I know serious people will blame me for this trifling,” she continued, “but gaiety and pleasure are as much my element as the air I breathe. Those who know me will not cease to love me. And you, who once professed such devotion, now hate me, because I do not wear a widow’s weeds! Please do not desert me when we ought to become better friends; love me still,” and she laid her soft, beautiful hand on mine.Who could have resisted? A moment before I was despising her heartlessness, now, at the electric touch of her hand, I was changed; the old flame burst forth again with resistless fervor, and I could take her, heartless as she was, to be forever mine, only so that she loved me. I almost crushed her hand in mine as I pressed my lips upon it again and again.“Love you, Lillian! Heaven only knows how madly, how wildly I do love you. Only say just once that you love me, or bid me hope. I have never ceased to love you, Lillian, but your faith was plighted to another, and I crushed my heart into silence. But he who stood between us is dead, and, as God shall judge me, I have sorrowed sincerely over his grave; but nothing now binds you; you are free to love me if you will. Darling, darling Lillian, come to my heart and be its queen.”I put forth my arms to draw her to my side, but she drew back and said:“No, sir, the change is too sudden. A moment ago therewas a look of contempt on your face—nay, do not deny it—and now you would have me believe these wild protestations of your phœnix-like love.”There was a gleam of triumph in her eyes that told me she did believe me, and gloried in her wondrous power, but I was careless of everything save to be lord of her hand and heart.“Lillian,” I said, gazing into her face with such intense earnestness that even her eyes fell beneath my gaze, “you once believed me; will you doubt me now when I swear to you that I love you as no other man ever dared love you before—that I am willing to give up everything for your sake, even the memory of Ramie? If that stands between our love, I will forget that he ever lived and forget that he ever died.”I felt a shudder run from her frame into her hand as the harsh words fell from my lips, but ‘twas only a shudder.“You are sure you mean what you say?” she said, with a half credulous smile that irritated me, and a slight pressure of her fingers that soothed and made me hopeful. I waited for her to continue, and we both sat for a few moments gazing into the glowing coals on the hearth before us. Suddenly, deep in the fire, where the heat was whitest, a dull red spot appeared, that seemed to rise and fall as if there was breath beneath it. In an instant I was again kneeling on the damp ground, with a white face resting on my arm, and pale lips bubbling blood as they bade me farewell. It was as vivid as vision itself; and after the eyes were closed by the surgeon’s hand, I could still see the pale lips murmuring, “False! False!”My hands and forehead grew cold as ice, and my heart, in its remorse, beat audibly, “False loving false! False loving false!” My resolve was taken from that moment; I would not be shaken from it by scorn or tears. I dropped her hand and, rising, said:“Miss Carrover, I did mean all that I said; you know that I have loved you; but forget it. Even if you could love me, which I dare not hope, it must not be—Ramie’s spirit forbids it. Will you pardon what I have said tonight?”She rose and stood before me, the personification of anger and scorn, her dreamy eyes now flashing, and her beautiful face flushed with her feeling.“Do you fear that I am going to accept your paltry love, that you hasten to retract it? Not content with insulting me with your cant about what was due the dead, you have attempted a contemptible flirtation. To say that I saw through your pitiful design, would indicate that I paid some attention to your rhodomontade, which I did not; but ‘tis useless to waste further words upon you; I can never sufficiently express my contempt; there! go, sir!” and with a gesture that would have graced Siddons she pointed her jewelled hand to the door.With a profound bow, I said:“Thanks, Miss Carrover, for the lesson of to-night. But before I take my leave permit me to remind you that you asked my adv——” but she had swept magnificently from the room.The next evening, while strolling with Ned on the suburbs of the village, I met Miss Carrover riding in a buggy with Ellerton, who had not yet applied for re-admission to the University, but was staying with a friend. She looked confused as she passed us, and averted her head, while I turned and stared at them till they were out of sight.“Oh, Ramie, Ramie,” I murmured, as we turned homeward, “better to wed death than the false creature of thy betrothal; better the worm at thy lips than her kiss; better the sod on thy cheek than her Delilah-like caresses.”

Nedand I are again at Chapel Hill, in our old room. We found our books and furniture dusty, but undisturbed, and a day’s preparation sufficed to get us in harness again.

It was with great difficulty father had secured my re-admission. His first application was peremptorily refused, but by many letters and pledges to the trustees and faculty, and in consideration of my youth and inexperience, I was at last allowed to go on with my class.

For all this I had made extra resolves of diligence, and had promised father that nothing should divert me from intense application to my books.

Of Miss Carrover I thought but little. I had heard from Charleston, whither she had gone soon after the duel, that she was the gayest belle of its society. This disregard of what was due the memory of her betrothed, coupled with the gradually acquired conviction that my suit was hopeless, and a conscientious desire to do well in my studies, had somewhat impaired the romantic fervor of my admiration for her, and I heard with remarkable composure the statement that she would spend a week or two in Chapel Hill on her way to New York. I resolved at first not to see her at all; but, feeling that this was too great a confession of weakness, even to myself, and having, besides, in my possession the valuables DeVare had requested me to deliver to her, I determined to call just once, that I might mark her deportment before making up my final judgment on her character. Of one thing I was fully resolved, that whether she was gay or sad, whether kind and cordial or cold and distant towards me, no word or glance of mine should betray the faintest trace of the old love, or depart from the consistent seriousness of real bereavement.

When I entered the parlor at Professor Z——’s I found her surrounded by a throng of admirers. As she came forward to meet me, the same superbly beautiful woman I had once adored, her usual queenly air softened into one of kindest greeting, and gave me both hands in her warm welcome, my heart bounded wildly, and for a moment I had forgotten Ramie, resolves, and everything save the rapture of being near her again—of hearing her soft, rich voice, and gazing into her dreamy eyes. The presence of other gentlemen restrained me, or I believe I should have knelt at her feet.

Taking my seat in the circle, and dropping into a commonplace conversation, I gradually regained my senses and my self-control. And as I became composed, and marked the levity of her conduct—the jest, the sarcasm and the repartee—andthen thought of the cold form in the cemetery at home, my admiration of her beauty was tinged with contempt for her frivolity.

Her visitors began to depart, and I was about to say good night without having accomplished my mission, when she handed me a slip of paper, on which she had scribbled the words “Don’t leave.”

Of course I waited, and we were soon in the parlor alone.

As the last one closed the door she moved on the sofa and said:

“Come, sit by me. Oh, how tiresome those fellows are! and I wanted to be alone with you so much. Now tell me all about yourself, for it has been a dreary, long time since I have seen you.”

“I thought you were aware, Miss Carrover, that I was connected with a most unfortunate affair at the close of the session,” I replied, nervously twisting my watch chain, for I hardly knew what reply to make, and felt embarrassed and awkward.

“Oh! do not speak of that,” she exclaimed, burying her face in her handkerchief, and trembling with very inaudible sobs. “I was trying to avoid that subject. My heart has been almost broken in its agony. Only in the past few days have I been able to compose my thoughts and feelings. Oh, the terrible shock of the announcement!” Her voice was so muffled by the handkerchief over her face that her words were almost indistinguishable. Far better could they have been lost in the cambric folds than to have vibrated into eternal existence!

The only reply I could make was to give her the casket containing Ramie’s ring and jewels, as he had directed.

She lifted her face, with eyes rather dry for such convulsive weeping, and taking the casket pressed it to her lips, as she said:

“And did he think of me! Oh, how can I ever love you enough for your kindness to him!”

I ventured to say, “Love his memory.”

“I do, I do,” she replied, looking into my eyes with hers clear and tearless. “Heaven alone knows how I cherish the memory of my noble Ramie!”

I did her the justice to believe her, but said nothing.

She continued, trying to open the back of the watch:

“But, my dear friend, for this mutual grief has made you seem nearer than ever before, there is one point on which I want your counsel. How must I act towards society? Must I open my heart to its hundred eyes, and, by a sudden seclusion and retirement, reveal my sacred sorrow to its gaze; or must I go through the hollow mockery of gaiety, and assume a cheerful face with an aching heart? Gentlemen call every evening, and I am at a loss to know what to do. If I refuse to receive visitors it will cause remark and inquiry, and my engagement with Mr. DeVare will be made public, with all the usual train of disagreeable comment. I sometimes think it were best to do violence to my own feelings, and appear in company as if nothing had happened, while I am here. I will soon be in New York, where I can adapt my conduct to my sad bereavement. Do you not think so?”

“Really, Miss Carrover,” I replied, coldly, for the veil of her pretended sorrow was too thin, “I do not feel competent to advise you. You know best how the death of DeVare affects you; and, if you will pardon me for saying it, your smiles and favors to the frivolous throng to-night would indicate that your course of action is already determined.”

“Oh, Mr. Smith, you blame me, I know you do, and perhaps I deserve it; but you cannot appreciate my feelings. I did love Ramie devotedly, for he was the noblest and best of earth; but no one knew we were betrothed, and to retire from society now would be only to reveal what he wishedkept secret. Besides, I will be candid enough to confess that I find the best cure for a sad heart in a round of pleasure, and, knowing that seclusion and manifested grief were not expected of me, I have sought to drown my sorrow in a whirl of frivolity.”

She paused, and looked at me for some reply, but, as I could make none but what would have offended her, I said nothing.

“I know serious people will blame me for this trifling,” she continued, “but gaiety and pleasure are as much my element as the air I breathe. Those who know me will not cease to love me. And you, who once professed such devotion, now hate me, because I do not wear a widow’s weeds! Please do not desert me when we ought to become better friends; love me still,” and she laid her soft, beautiful hand on mine.

Who could have resisted? A moment before I was despising her heartlessness, now, at the electric touch of her hand, I was changed; the old flame burst forth again with resistless fervor, and I could take her, heartless as she was, to be forever mine, only so that she loved me. I almost crushed her hand in mine as I pressed my lips upon it again and again.

“Love you, Lillian! Heaven only knows how madly, how wildly I do love you. Only say just once that you love me, or bid me hope. I have never ceased to love you, Lillian, but your faith was plighted to another, and I crushed my heart into silence. But he who stood between us is dead, and, as God shall judge me, I have sorrowed sincerely over his grave; but nothing now binds you; you are free to love me if you will. Darling, darling Lillian, come to my heart and be its queen.”

I put forth my arms to draw her to my side, but she drew back and said:

“No, sir, the change is too sudden. A moment ago therewas a look of contempt on your face—nay, do not deny it—and now you would have me believe these wild protestations of your phœnix-like love.”

There was a gleam of triumph in her eyes that told me she did believe me, and gloried in her wondrous power, but I was careless of everything save to be lord of her hand and heart.

“Lillian,” I said, gazing into her face with such intense earnestness that even her eyes fell beneath my gaze, “you once believed me; will you doubt me now when I swear to you that I love you as no other man ever dared love you before—that I am willing to give up everything for your sake, even the memory of Ramie? If that stands between our love, I will forget that he ever lived and forget that he ever died.”

I felt a shudder run from her frame into her hand as the harsh words fell from my lips, but ‘twas only a shudder.

“You are sure you mean what you say?” she said, with a half credulous smile that irritated me, and a slight pressure of her fingers that soothed and made me hopeful. I waited for her to continue, and we both sat for a few moments gazing into the glowing coals on the hearth before us. Suddenly, deep in the fire, where the heat was whitest, a dull red spot appeared, that seemed to rise and fall as if there was breath beneath it. In an instant I was again kneeling on the damp ground, with a white face resting on my arm, and pale lips bubbling blood as they bade me farewell. It was as vivid as vision itself; and after the eyes were closed by the surgeon’s hand, I could still see the pale lips murmuring, “False! False!”

My hands and forehead grew cold as ice, and my heart, in its remorse, beat audibly, “False loving false! False loving false!” My resolve was taken from that moment; I would not be shaken from it by scorn or tears. I dropped her hand and, rising, said:

“Miss Carrover, I did mean all that I said; you know that I have loved you; but forget it. Even if you could love me, which I dare not hope, it must not be—Ramie’s spirit forbids it. Will you pardon what I have said tonight?”

She rose and stood before me, the personification of anger and scorn, her dreamy eyes now flashing, and her beautiful face flushed with her feeling.

“Do you fear that I am going to accept your paltry love, that you hasten to retract it? Not content with insulting me with your cant about what was due the dead, you have attempted a contemptible flirtation. To say that I saw through your pitiful design, would indicate that I paid some attention to your rhodomontade, which I did not; but ‘tis useless to waste further words upon you; I can never sufficiently express my contempt; there! go, sir!” and with a gesture that would have graced Siddons she pointed her jewelled hand to the door.

With a profound bow, I said:

“Thanks, Miss Carrover, for the lesson of to-night. But before I take my leave permit me to remind you that you asked my adv——” but she had swept magnificently from the room.

The next evening, while strolling with Ned on the suburbs of the village, I met Miss Carrover riding in a buggy with Ellerton, who had not yet applied for re-admission to the University, but was staying with a friend. She looked confused as she passed us, and averted her head, while I turned and stared at them till they were out of sight.

“Oh, Ramie, Ramie,” I murmured, as we turned homeward, “better to wed death than the false creature of thy betrothal; better the worm at thy lips than her kiss; better the sod on thy cheek than her Delilah-like caresses.”

CHAPTER XXVIII.Aboutthe first of April I received a letter from father, saying that they had at last concluded to put in execution a plan that had been spoken of before I left home—namely, going to Europe while I was finishing my studies. They would go first to Cuba, where they would spend some time at Carlotta’s home, and where father could attend to the management of her large estates. They would then sail directly for Liverpool, and spend two or three years in England and on the continent. I was to graduate at Chapel Hill, then go to Berlin or Heidelberg.I felt almost irresistibly impelled to write and ask permission to accompany them, but reflecting on it, determined to remain at Chapel Hill and study with renewed diligence.A second letter, some weeks later, informed me that all necessary arrangements had been completed, and that father, mother and Carlotta would be in Raleigh on a specified night, on their way to New York, to take steamer for Havana, and requesting me to meet them, to say good-bye.At the appointed time I met them, and while they were cheerful I could not help feeling sad at the thought of being left here alone; but I bore up bravely under the disappointment, and promised father that he should hear a good report of me.After tea he and mother walked up town to see an old friend, and Carlotta and I were left together. While she was affable and pleasant as possible, I could not shake off a silent moodiness, and she, to divert me, and to relieve our rather dull conversation, brought me a casket of jewels that belonged to her mother. They had been sent to her by the agent of Mr. Rurleston’s estate in Cuba, and had reached her since I left home. There were antique rings and braceletsof most exquisite workmanship, there were diamonds that would have made Mahmoud of Ghisni envious, and pearls that would have equalled the Zanana. I was very much struck by the design of a pair of bracelets. They were made in Etruscan gold and were a pair of serpents with ruby eyes and emerald spots. They were made long, flexible and spiral, so that when clasped upon the arm they seemed to be gliding up the flesh. There was some long family history connected with them, which Carlotta related, but I have forgotten its tenor. But the most interesting article in the casket was a beautifully enamelled locket, containing a picture of her mother. When she opened it and I looked upon the face, I was perfectly entranced. Its beauty was of that radiant perfection that seems only to have existed in the conceptions of Vandyke or Correggio. It was perfect in every exquisite feature, yet its wondrous fascination lay in their combination. The lustrous, pensive eyes, the delicately curved mouth, the soft, olive complexion, the oval outline of her face, were all beautifully relieved by the rich mass of raven hair that fell in splendid profusion over the bare, smooth neck.Lillian’s beauty depended greatly on her skilful adornment, and her brilliant appearance was ever in debt to her toilet, but this face needed no cosmetic, its beauty was nature’s gift, and art could only enhance it.It was my ideal, and my heart only withheld its homage because ‘twas but a portrait.Looking up from it to address Carlotta, I was startled to find in her face an exact counterpart of the picture, only her features were childish and immature. Her beauty was the bud, this the perfect bloom.“Will she be like this when she is grown? Heavens! how I would adore her!” I thought, as I gazed from one to the other and marked the points of resemblance.I had ever regarded Carlotta as a pretty child, whomeverybody admired, but I had not thought of her as growing up into the perfect, lovely woman; but now a strange indescribable unrest awoke in my heart, and I felt that I should be far more unhappy when she was gone than I had thought.While I had never, and could not then think of loving her, save as a friend and brother, yet the reflection that she was going away to forget me and perhaps to love another, was galling in the extreme to my feelings, both of pride and disappointment.“Carlotta,” I said, handing the picture back to her with a compliment, and looking at her with a newly awakened interest, “I fear that amid all the splendor and novelty of the scenes through which you will soon pass, you will forget almost that I ever lived.”“No, indeed,” she replied, looking at me frankly, “there is no danger of that; gratitude, if nothing else, will keep your memory ever fresh with me.”“But you will be a grown lady ere you return, and will, I know, have many admirers. You will love some one of them, and I will be only a cipher in your past.”“No, no, you have been too noble and good to me. Do you think me so base? Here!” and taking a pair of scissors from her box, she cut off a long curling ringlet of hair and put it in my hand, “keep that as my pledge that I will remember you every day while I am gone, and no matter when we meet again I promise to redeem it, as the same little Carlotta you have been so kind to.”“Thank you, Carlotta, I will treasure it carefully,” I said, folding it up with a strange thrill of pleasure for only a child’s simple gift.Father and mother came back now, and after a few words of parting and some tears, I bade them good-bye and hastened down to the office, as I was to return to Durham’s on the night train.Oh, what a pleasure to me was that single lock of hair!For days and months after they were gone a glance at it would recall her dear face in all its beautiful earnestness, as she so unhesitatingly pledged her remembrance. And now that she was gone—for years, perhaps forever—I found—yes, I will confess it—child as she was,I loved her.

Aboutthe first of April I received a letter from father, saying that they had at last concluded to put in execution a plan that had been spoken of before I left home—namely, going to Europe while I was finishing my studies. They would go first to Cuba, where they would spend some time at Carlotta’s home, and where father could attend to the management of her large estates. They would then sail directly for Liverpool, and spend two or three years in England and on the continent. I was to graduate at Chapel Hill, then go to Berlin or Heidelberg.

I felt almost irresistibly impelled to write and ask permission to accompany them, but reflecting on it, determined to remain at Chapel Hill and study with renewed diligence.

A second letter, some weeks later, informed me that all necessary arrangements had been completed, and that father, mother and Carlotta would be in Raleigh on a specified night, on their way to New York, to take steamer for Havana, and requesting me to meet them, to say good-bye.

At the appointed time I met them, and while they were cheerful I could not help feeling sad at the thought of being left here alone; but I bore up bravely under the disappointment, and promised father that he should hear a good report of me.

After tea he and mother walked up town to see an old friend, and Carlotta and I were left together. While she was affable and pleasant as possible, I could not shake off a silent moodiness, and she, to divert me, and to relieve our rather dull conversation, brought me a casket of jewels that belonged to her mother. They had been sent to her by the agent of Mr. Rurleston’s estate in Cuba, and had reached her since I left home. There were antique rings and braceletsof most exquisite workmanship, there were diamonds that would have made Mahmoud of Ghisni envious, and pearls that would have equalled the Zanana. I was very much struck by the design of a pair of bracelets. They were made in Etruscan gold and were a pair of serpents with ruby eyes and emerald spots. They were made long, flexible and spiral, so that when clasped upon the arm they seemed to be gliding up the flesh. There was some long family history connected with them, which Carlotta related, but I have forgotten its tenor. But the most interesting article in the casket was a beautifully enamelled locket, containing a picture of her mother. When she opened it and I looked upon the face, I was perfectly entranced. Its beauty was of that radiant perfection that seems only to have existed in the conceptions of Vandyke or Correggio. It was perfect in every exquisite feature, yet its wondrous fascination lay in their combination. The lustrous, pensive eyes, the delicately curved mouth, the soft, olive complexion, the oval outline of her face, were all beautifully relieved by the rich mass of raven hair that fell in splendid profusion over the bare, smooth neck.

Lillian’s beauty depended greatly on her skilful adornment, and her brilliant appearance was ever in debt to her toilet, but this face needed no cosmetic, its beauty was nature’s gift, and art could only enhance it.

It was my ideal, and my heart only withheld its homage because ‘twas but a portrait.

Looking up from it to address Carlotta, I was startled to find in her face an exact counterpart of the picture, only her features were childish and immature. Her beauty was the bud, this the perfect bloom.

“Will she be like this when she is grown? Heavens! how I would adore her!” I thought, as I gazed from one to the other and marked the points of resemblance.

I had ever regarded Carlotta as a pretty child, whomeverybody admired, but I had not thought of her as growing up into the perfect, lovely woman; but now a strange indescribable unrest awoke in my heart, and I felt that I should be far more unhappy when she was gone than I had thought.

While I had never, and could not then think of loving her, save as a friend and brother, yet the reflection that she was going away to forget me and perhaps to love another, was galling in the extreme to my feelings, both of pride and disappointment.

“Carlotta,” I said, handing the picture back to her with a compliment, and looking at her with a newly awakened interest, “I fear that amid all the splendor and novelty of the scenes through which you will soon pass, you will forget almost that I ever lived.”

“No, indeed,” she replied, looking at me frankly, “there is no danger of that; gratitude, if nothing else, will keep your memory ever fresh with me.”

“But you will be a grown lady ere you return, and will, I know, have many admirers. You will love some one of them, and I will be only a cipher in your past.”

“No, no, you have been too noble and good to me. Do you think me so base? Here!” and taking a pair of scissors from her box, she cut off a long curling ringlet of hair and put it in my hand, “keep that as my pledge that I will remember you every day while I am gone, and no matter when we meet again I promise to redeem it, as the same little Carlotta you have been so kind to.”

“Thank you, Carlotta, I will treasure it carefully,” I said, folding it up with a strange thrill of pleasure for only a child’s simple gift.

Father and mother came back now, and after a few words of parting and some tears, I bade them good-bye and hastened down to the office, as I was to return to Durham’s on the night train.

Oh, what a pleasure to me was that single lock of hair!

For days and months after they were gone a glance at it would recall her dear face in all its beautiful earnestness, as she so unhesitatingly pledged her remembrance. And now that she was gone—for years, perhaps forever—I found—yes, I will confess it—child as she was,I loved her.

CHAPTER XXIX.Thesession and a vacation in the mountains passed, I commenced my studies as a Sophomore, and under this new dignity fresh trials of my moral courage every day arose. I was constantly being solicited to join some scheme of devilment, and though my conscience always bade me refuse, the voice of the multitude often prevailed, and I was thus drawn into many an affair of which I was afterward heartily ashamed.Our class seemed determined to surpass all of its predecessors in annoyances to the Faculty, the derangement and often destruction of college property and the “devilling” of Fresh. One of the Faculty, whose views of discipline were rigid, and who could not brook the slightest disturbance in his room, was our special mark. Going into recitation we would load our pockets with gravel and acorns, and by dextrously throwing them over our neighbor’s shoulder we would keep a perfect hail of them upon the floor, rendering recitation impossible. Sometimes a rat would be carried in and turned loose in the room, and every one would mount his seat in an apparent extremity of terror. Bugs, reptiles and even poisonous snakes were put on the floor, to run under the students’ legs and cause a sufficient disturbance to suspend the lecture.An attempt to “blow up” the professor was even made by placing a small quantity of powder under his rostrum; which, indeed, came near being a much more serious matter than was intended.One morning, as Ned and I came out from breakfast, we were requested to go up to one of our classmate’s rooms, where we found nearly the whole class assembled. The object of the meeting was, so we were informed, to consider the proposition to “dress” for L——, the professor. To “dress” for a professor was to attend lecture in the most ridiculous and grotesque costume attainable, and had ever been regarded by the Faculty as the highest contempt for their authority, and an offence meriting extreme punishment.The proposition was warmly seconded and approved, there being only one dissenting voice, that of Ned.When the roll was called for the votes, he rose and said that, while he regretted to oppose himself to the class, yet the course proposed tended to defeat the object of their attendance upon the Institution, and was, therefore, wrong; that it was undignified and discourteous, and that he could not join them.Amid cries of “Bootlick! order! Cheyleigh, you’re right! silence!” Ned took his hat and walked quietly from the room.When my name was called, poor, weak I, could only respond, “I am in for anything the class agrees on,” while my heart was throbbing to follow Ned’s example.When we assembled, at eleven o’clock, could Falstaff have seen us he would have thought his troop perfect dandies. Great, tall fellows, six feet high, appeared in coats whose sleeves scarce reached their elbow, and pants that were far above their knees. Little fellows had on clothes that smothered them, and which were stuffed out with pillows till Daniel Lambert would have been a skeleton beside them.Others wore pasteboard collars, whose points extended far above their heads, while a whole window curtain of flaming chintz served them for a cravat. Some had their clothing on wrong side out, and one man had reversed his entire suit, putting everything on hind part before. A few had gone to the trouble of getting up costumes from the stores, and appeared as demons and devils with most hideous faces, and horns, hoofs and tails. The most amusing character of all was a rare genius from the mountains, whom everybody knew as Joe. A man of brilliant ability and rare attainments, he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and yet, from his innate love of fun, he was ever getting into some difficulty. He was attired, on this occasion, in an immense swallow tailed coat of brown homespun, and tremendous copperas striped pants. He had gotten a pair of shoe-store signs down town and wore them for boots, the legs coming up nearly to his waist and the feet about a yard long. He wore a tremendous pair of green goggles, and carried around his neck a rusty old log chain, from which was suspended a large circular clock to serve as his watch. A turn down collar of white cloth extending to his shoulders like a cape, and a whole sheet crammed in his pocket as a handkerchief, completed his outfit. He was unanimously chosen our leader and we marched to the section room. The professor looked serious and was ominously silent till we were all seated. He called the roll with unusual gravity, and then, that the desired defeat of the recitation might not be accomplished, commenced to examine the class; but the attempt was futile. One would reply that he would answer the question as soon as he could get his voice up out of his collar; another, that his pants were almost long enough and were stretching, and that as soon as they got past his knees he would take pleasure in telling all he knew. Joe, upon being called on, took out his clock with a great rattle of his chain, then drawing out his immense sheet, proceededto wipe his goggles with it, and then blow his nose as if it was a trumpet. The ridiculousness of this proceeding called forth such a laugh from the class that the professor dismissed us in disgust, first summoning all of us to appear before the Faculty when the bell rang.Immediately on our dismissal we held an informal meeting in the campus and agreed to appear before the Faculty in our costumes. There was a wide stare of indignation and surprise on their faces as we filed into the room and took our seats. The professor preferred his charges, and the president, having called on each member of the board for an expression of opinion, asked us if we had anything to say in justification of our offence. No one spoke for several moments, and they were about to proceed with the case when Joe slowly rose to his feet and said in solemn tones:“Mr. President and gentlemen of the Faculty—I have somewhat to say in behalf of these my friends. Will you be kind enough to state what length of time you will allow me for their defence?”He paused and waited a reply, looking as solemn through his great frog-eyed spectacles as if he was in the High Court of Chancery.“Speak on, Mr.——,” the chairman replied, “we cannot entertain your nonsensical proposals for time, but we are willing to allow you to make any statement you wish, and to give any excuses you can for your conduct.”“My friends,” said Joe, turning to us, “do you hear that? Bear me witness, and see that they accord the full measure of their promise.”So saying, he drew from under his coat the old clock, and taking the chain from his neck, he let it clatter with great noise on the floor, and laid the clock before him on a bench, after the manner of public speakers. He then carefully noted the time, cleared his throat, adjusted his specs and began:“Oh, most worthy Paishdadians, the early dispensers ofjustice, in whom are centred the majesty of the Pharaohs, the wisdom of the Magi, and the dignity of the Conscript Fathers, both Roman and Sabine! I would not detain you with useless words, but simply tell why we have appeared to-day in costumes which you, in the plenitude of your wisdom, have deemed offensive:“We are unfortunate young men, severed from the endearments of home and cut off from the paternal exchequer; no sewing sisters’ love, no darning mothers’ care! Can you wonder that our wardrobes have suffered such considerable depletion that we must make some changes or renew? As to renew was impossible, with remittances rarer than angels’ visits, we wisely chose to change.“The apparent absurdity of these changes is at once explained by their utility as well as their necessity. Permit me to enumerate a few, and point out their peculiar advantages. I have been, as you all know, of very studious habits; consequently the abrasion of mysedes pantaloonorumhas been constant. As concealment was no longer possible I exchanged with a smaller friend, whose shortness of leg will enable him to draw the trite orifices up beyond the reach of vision, while the brevity of his unmentionables enables me to preserve my respectability by the display of a new pair of socks, which I borrowed.“My fat friend here found that his garments were wearing out more on the inside than the out, and, consequently, exchanges with this starved anatomy, that the outside may catch up. He then squeezes into the lean man’s suit, to reduce his pinguisity. My reversed friend here,” pointing to the man who had his clothes with the front turned behind, “has been suffering with a chronic crick till his head has twisted entirely around. With an energy worthy of Ithacus he has resolved to retrograde through life, rather than submit to the tyranny of his neck and change his clothes; hence his remarkable attitude and crawfish gait.“The other gentlemen present have reasons equally good for the fashions they have adopted, and which this out-of-the-way place may deem a littleoutré.“This much, gentlemen, to show that my comrades, as well as myself, had cause for our conduct. But I see by the cold regard of your stern faces that you do not believe me. If it were not for the consumption of your valuable time I could introduce witnesses to prove what I have stated, but ‘tis useless.”“Stop, sir!” exclaimed the president, “we have endured this farce long enough. Gentlemen,” addressing the Faculty, “what are your opinions of the offence and its punishment?”“Sir!” said Joe, with a green, piercing glance, “you have promised that you would allow me to make my defence, and I claim the privilege.”“Well, go on, sir, we cannot wait much longer.”“I shall take my leisure,” said Joe, stooping down to look at the face of his clock. “Well, I pass on to my secondly, then. My firstly was a statement of facts; my secondly shall be argument, and my thirdly, appeal. I do then emphatically deny to you the right of jurisdiction in our case. You cannot take cognizance, even, of our proceedings unless you make the University of North Carolina a tailor’s shop and prescribe the fashions for its students. What right have the Faculty of a purely literary Institution to say what shall be the cut of my coat, merely because I am a matriculate? By what authority do you object to my clothing, so long as it is decent? and I am sure none of my friends here can be accused of indecency of apparel.“If, however, you insist upon your right, by what standard do you condemn our appearance? Do you know what the latest fashions are? Have any of you seen a Paris paper this year, and are you certain that your information on these points is later than mine. If so, I cheerfully waivethe right to determine for myself, and submit to your direction. But why multiply remarks; if you can find us guilty of any infringement of the laws of the University, behold we are in your hands, to be dealt with after our sins, but we do protest against being condemned by some perverted construction of a remote rule.“And now we know, although you have no right, yet you will try us and condemn us. We throw ourselves upon your mercy. Oh! be tender with us. We are young and unsophisticated; we are away from father and mother, and some of us, alas! are orphans; will you deal harshly with us simply for changing our fashion? Oh! ye who have sons, plead with those who have not, and obtain for us clemency. Do not, with puritanic bigotry, strain at a gnat of a garment and swallow a camel of cruelty. Oh have mercy! Have mercy! We have suffered the pangs of remorse, our bowels have yearned over our transgression and groaned for dinner, and we are ready now to get down upon our all fours and gallop out the door if you will only speak the word. Speak it—bohoo-oo! Spe-oo-ea-oo-kit!”He pulled his great sheet handkerchief out, and spreading it on the bench before him, buried his face in it and sobbed aloud.The Faculty did not smile, and we were too badly scared to laugh; and so Joe raised his head soon and wiped his eyes, took up his clock and chain and put it on again, then leaned back as solemn and sad as Heraclitus.The President then rose, and without the slightest appreciation of Joe’s effort, said:“Your conduct, gentlemen, has been considered by the Faculty in an impartial and unprejudiced manner, and their unanimous vote is that you be dismissed for an indefinite period.“The farcical character of your defence, delivered through your representative, and its absurd and contemptible conclusion,place it too far beneath our notice for any reply; but I wish to say a word or two to those who have engaged in this affair thoughtlessly. There is a very mistaken idea among students generally that it is manly and courageous to resist constituted authority, and that such a course will gain for them a reputation for independence and spirit. They forget that in this resistance, and in the obstruction of recitation, they injure only themselves, and defeat the very end for which they have come to college. Resistance to tyranny is sometimes worthy of admiration, but here there can be no tyranny, for the same rights and protection are guaranteed the students as the tutor, and an appeal to the right source would prove a far more speedy and effective remedy than the course pursued.“Many of you joined in this shameful affair for the want of moral courage, and scarcely one of you really desired to enter into it. To those who originated the plot I would say, remember that those you persuade to join you suffer equally with yourselves, and your magnanimity will surely deter you from getting others into trouble; and I would beg those who were led into this, in future to consider the certain result of their conduct; disgrace and mortification, without a single point being gained. And I ask you all, does the paltry pleasure of raising a laugh, repay even the trouble of dressing, much less the shame each one feels or ought to feel? I hope that you will look at this question of deportment in its true light and act thereon. You have heard the sentence, gentlemen, and can retire.”We sauntered from the room, and, once outside, commenced a Babel of confused talk, which was broken up by our departing to our rooms to put on some decent apparel. I sat down and commenced to indite a letter to father, but found it impossible to write in the excited state of my mind. As we had to leave the Hill in a few hours after our dismissal, I began to pack my trunk. Soon after dinner, however,I learned that the members of the class who had not joined us, had gotten up a petition for our reinstatement. The Faculty required a pledge of future good behavior from each of us concerned before they would entertain the petition at all; and I found to my surprise that those who had been most anxious to get up the “dress,” and who had been most violent in their outcry against those who refused to join them, were now the most solicitous of all that the petition should be signed, and were among the first to put their names to the pledge. There was one exception, Joe refused to sign anything or in any way recognize the right of the Faculty to condemn us. He declared he would stand by the principles set forth in his speech, and nothing could move him from it. In spite of his frolics he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and several of them went to him privately and endeavored to persuade him to sign the pledge. He thanked them, but firmly declined, and next morning took his departure. We all gave him three cheers as he drove off to Durham’s, which he returned by waving his handkerchief till he was out of sight.True old Joe! The last tidings I had of him were that, as Colonel in the Confederate army, he had refused parole at Appomattox and gone to the Dry Tortugas.

Thesession and a vacation in the mountains passed, I commenced my studies as a Sophomore, and under this new dignity fresh trials of my moral courage every day arose. I was constantly being solicited to join some scheme of devilment, and though my conscience always bade me refuse, the voice of the multitude often prevailed, and I was thus drawn into many an affair of which I was afterward heartily ashamed.

Our class seemed determined to surpass all of its predecessors in annoyances to the Faculty, the derangement and often destruction of college property and the “devilling” of Fresh. One of the Faculty, whose views of discipline were rigid, and who could not brook the slightest disturbance in his room, was our special mark. Going into recitation we would load our pockets with gravel and acorns, and by dextrously throwing them over our neighbor’s shoulder we would keep a perfect hail of them upon the floor, rendering recitation impossible. Sometimes a rat would be carried in and turned loose in the room, and every one would mount his seat in an apparent extremity of terror. Bugs, reptiles and even poisonous snakes were put on the floor, to run under the students’ legs and cause a sufficient disturbance to suspend the lecture.

An attempt to “blow up” the professor was even made by placing a small quantity of powder under his rostrum; which, indeed, came near being a much more serious matter than was intended.

One morning, as Ned and I came out from breakfast, we were requested to go up to one of our classmate’s rooms, where we found nearly the whole class assembled. The object of the meeting was, so we were informed, to consider the proposition to “dress” for L——, the professor. To “dress” for a professor was to attend lecture in the most ridiculous and grotesque costume attainable, and had ever been regarded by the Faculty as the highest contempt for their authority, and an offence meriting extreme punishment.

The proposition was warmly seconded and approved, there being only one dissenting voice, that of Ned.

When the roll was called for the votes, he rose and said that, while he regretted to oppose himself to the class, yet the course proposed tended to defeat the object of their attendance upon the Institution, and was, therefore, wrong; that it was undignified and discourteous, and that he could not join them.

Amid cries of “Bootlick! order! Cheyleigh, you’re right! silence!” Ned took his hat and walked quietly from the room.

When my name was called, poor, weak I, could only respond, “I am in for anything the class agrees on,” while my heart was throbbing to follow Ned’s example.

When we assembled, at eleven o’clock, could Falstaff have seen us he would have thought his troop perfect dandies. Great, tall fellows, six feet high, appeared in coats whose sleeves scarce reached their elbow, and pants that were far above their knees. Little fellows had on clothes that smothered them, and which were stuffed out with pillows till Daniel Lambert would have been a skeleton beside them.Others wore pasteboard collars, whose points extended far above their heads, while a whole window curtain of flaming chintz served them for a cravat. Some had their clothing on wrong side out, and one man had reversed his entire suit, putting everything on hind part before. A few had gone to the trouble of getting up costumes from the stores, and appeared as demons and devils with most hideous faces, and horns, hoofs and tails. The most amusing character of all was a rare genius from the mountains, whom everybody knew as Joe. A man of brilliant ability and rare attainments, he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and yet, from his innate love of fun, he was ever getting into some difficulty. He was attired, on this occasion, in an immense swallow tailed coat of brown homespun, and tremendous copperas striped pants. He had gotten a pair of shoe-store signs down town and wore them for boots, the legs coming up nearly to his waist and the feet about a yard long. He wore a tremendous pair of green goggles, and carried around his neck a rusty old log chain, from which was suspended a large circular clock to serve as his watch. A turn down collar of white cloth extending to his shoulders like a cape, and a whole sheet crammed in his pocket as a handkerchief, completed his outfit. He was unanimously chosen our leader and we marched to the section room. The professor looked serious and was ominously silent till we were all seated. He called the roll with unusual gravity, and then, that the desired defeat of the recitation might not be accomplished, commenced to examine the class; but the attempt was futile. One would reply that he would answer the question as soon as he could get his voice up out of his collar; another, that his pants were almost long enough and were stretching, and that as soon as they got past his knees he would take pleasure in telling all he knew. Joe, upon being called on, took out his clock with a great rattle of his chain, then drawing out his immense sheet, proceededto wipe his goggles with it, and then blow his nose as if it was a trumpet. The ridiculousness of this proceeding called forth such a laugh from the class that the professor dismissed us in disgust, first summoning all of us to appear before the Faculty when the bell rang.

Immediately on our dismissal we held an informal meeting in the campus and agreed to appear before the Faculty in our costumes. There was a wide stare of indignation and surprise on their faces as we filed into the room and took our seats. The professor preferred his charges, and the president, having called on each member of the board for an expression of opinion, asked us if we had anything to say in justification of our offence. No one spoke for several moments, and they were about to proceed with the case when Joe slowly rose to his feet and said in solemn tones:

“Mr. President and gentlemen of the Faculty—I have somewhat to say in behalf of these my friends. Will you be kind enough to state what length of time you will allow me for their defence?”

He paused and waited a reply, looking as solemn through his great frog-eyed spectacles as if he was in the High Court of Chancery.

“Speak on, Mr.——,” the chairman replied, “we cannot entertain your nonsensical proposals for time, but we are willing to allow you to make any statement you wish, and to give any excuses you can for your conduct.”

“My friends,” said Joe, turning to us, “do you hear that? Bear me witness, and see that they accord the full measure of their promise.”

So saying, he drew from under his coat the old clock, and taking the chain from his neck, he let it clatter with great noise on the floor, and laid the clock before him on a bench, after the manner of public speakers. He then carefully noted the time, cleared his throat, adjusted his specs and began:

“Oh, most worthy Paishdadians, the early dispensers ofjustice, in whom are centred the majesty of the Pharaohs, the wisdom of the Magi, and the dignity of the Conscript Fathers, both Roman and Sabine! I would not detain you with useless words, but simply tell why we have appeared to-day in costumes which you, in the plenitude of your wisdom, have deemed offensive:

“We are unfortunate young men, severed from the endearments of home and cut off from the paternal exchequer; no sewing sisters’ love, no darning mothers’ care! Can you wonder that our wardrobes have suffered such considerable depletion that we must make some changes or renew? As to renew was impossible, with remittances rarer than angels’ visits, we wisely chose to change.

“The apparent absurdity of these changes is at once explained by their utility as well as their necessity. Permit me to enumerate a few, and point out their peculiar advantages. I have been, as you all know, of very studious habits; consequently the abrasion of mysedes pantaloonorumhas been constant. As concealment was no longer possible I exchanged with a smaller friend, whose shortness of leg will enable him to draw the trite orifices up beyond the reach of vision, while the brevity of his unmentionables enables me to preserve my respectability by the display of a new pair of socks, which I borrowed.

“My fat friend here found that his garments were wearing out more on the inside than the out, and, consequently, exchanges with this starved anatomy, that the outside may catch up. He then squeezes into the lean man’s suit, to reduce his pinguisity. My reversed friend here,” pointing to the man who had his clothes with the front turned behind, “has been suffering with a chronic crick till his head has twisted entirely around. With an energy worthy of Ithacus he has resolved to retrograde through life, rather than submit to the tyranny of his neck and change his clothes; hence his remarkable attitude and crawfish gait.

“The other gentlemen present have reasons equally good for the fashions they have adopted, and which this out-of-the-way place may deem a littleoutré.

“This much, gentlemen, to show that my comrades, as well as myself, had cause for our conduct. But I see by the cold regard of your stern faces that you do not believe me. If it were not for the consumption of your valuable time I could introduce witnesses to prove what I have stated, but ‘tis useless.”

“Stop, sir!” exclaimed the president, “we have endured this farce long enough. Gentlemen,” addressing the Faculty, “what are your opinions of the offence and its punishment?”

“Sir!” said Joe, with a green, piercing glance, “you have promised that you would allow me to make my defence, and I claim the privilege.”

“Well, go on, sir, we cannot wait much longer.”

“I shall take my leisure,” said Joe, stooping down to look at the face of his clock. “Well, I pass on to my secondly, then. My firstly was a statement of facts; my secondly shall be argument, and my thirdly, appeal. I do then emphatically deny to you the right of jurisdiction in our case. You cannot take cognizance, even, of our proceedings unless you make the University of North Carolina a tailor’s shop and prescribe the fashions for its students. What right have the Faculty of a purely literary Institution to say what shall be the cut of my coat, merely because I am a matriculate? By what authority do you object to my clothing, so long as it is decent? and I am sure none of my friends here can be accused of indecency of apparel.

“If, however, you insist upon your right, by what standard do you condemn our appearance? Do you know what the latest fashions are? Have any of you seen a Paris paper this year, and are you certain that your information on these points is later than mine. If so, I cheerfully waivethe right to determine for myself, and submit to your direction. But why multiply remarks; if you can find us guilty of any infringement of the laws of the University, behold we are in your hands, to be dealt with after our sins, but we do protest against being condemned by some perverted construction of a remote rule.

“And now we know, although you have no right, yet you will try us and condemn us. We throw ourselves upon your mercy. Oh! be tender with us. We are young and unsophisticated; we are away from father and mother, and some of us, alas! are orphans; will you deal harshly with us simply for changing our fashion? Oh! ye who have sons, plead with those who have not, and obtain for us clemency. Do not, with puritanic bigotry, strain at a gnat of a garment and swallow a camel of cruelty. Oh have mercy! Have mercy! We have suffered the pangs of remorse, our bowels have yearned over our transgression and groaned for dinner, and we are ready now to get down upon our all fours and gallop out the door if you will only speak the word. Speak it—bohoo-oo! Spe-oo-ea-oo-kit!”

He pulled his great sheet handkerchief out, and spreading it on the bench before him, buried his face in it and sobbed aloud.

The Faculty did not smile, and we were too badly scared to laugh; and so Joe raised his head soon and wiped his eyes, took up his clock and chain and put it on again, then leaned back as solemn and sad as Heraclitus.

The President then rose, and without the slightest appreciation of Joe’s effort, said:

“Your conduct, gentlemen, has been considered by the Faculty in an impartial and unprejudiced manner, and their unanimous vote is that you be dismissed for an indefinite period.

“The farcical character of your defence, delivered through your representative, and its absurd and contemptible conclusion,place it too far beneath our notice for any reply; but I wish to say a word or two to those who have engaged in this affair thoughtlessly. There is a very mistaken idea among students generally that it is manly and courageous to resist constituted authority, and that such a course will gain for them a reputation for independence and spirit. They forget that in this resistance, and in the obstruction of recitation, they injure only themselves, and defeat the very end for which they have come to college. Resistance to tyranny is sometimes worthy of admiration, but here there can be no tyranny, for the same rights and protection are guaranteed the students as the tutor, and an appeal to the right source would prove a far more speedy and effective remedy than the course pursued.

“Many of you joined in this shameful affair for the want of moral courage, and scarcely one of you really desired to enter into it. To those who originated the plot I would say, remember that those you persuade to join you suffer equally with yourselves, and your magnanimity will surely deter you from getting others into trouble; and I would beg those who were led into this, in future to consider the certain result of their conduct; disgrace and mortification, without a single point being gained. And I ask you all, does the paltry pleasure of raising a laugh, repay even the trouble of dressing, much less the shame each one feels or ought to feel? I hope that you will look at this question of deportment in its true light and act thereon. You have heard the sentence, gentlemen, and can retire.”

We sauntered from the room, and, once outside, commenced a Babel of confused talk, which was broken up by our departing to our rooms to put on some decent apparel. I sat down and commenced to indite a letter to father, but found it impossible to write in the excited state of my mind. As we had to leave the Hill in a few hours after our dismissal, I began to pack my trunk. Soon after dinner, however,I learned that the members of the class who had not joined us, had gotten up a petition for our reinstatement. The Faculty required a pledge of future good behavior from each of us concerned before they would entertain the petition at all; and I found to my surprise that those who had been most anxious to get up the “dress,” and who had been most violent in their outcry against those who refused to join them, were now the most solicitous of all that the petition should be signed, and were among the first to put their names to the pledge. There was one exception, Joe refused to sign anything or in any way recognize the right of the Faculty to condemn us. He declared he would stand by the principles set forth in his speech, and nothing could move him from it. In spite of his frolics he was a great favorite with the Faculty, and several of them went to him privately and endeavored to persuade him to sign the pledge. He thanked them, but firmly declined, and next morning took his departure. We all gave him three cheers as he drove off to Durham’s, which he returned by waving his handkerchief till he was out of sight.

True old Joe! The last tidings I had of him were that, as Colonel in the Confederate army, he had refused parole at Appomattox and gone to the Dry Tortugas.

CHAPTER XXX.TheSpring session opened with pleasant prospects for us all. I was conveniently situated for study, and resolved to make the most of my opportunity. The great college office in those days was Marshal for the commencement exercises. Even early in the session those interested commenced to electioneer for their respective favorites. Frank was one of the candidates,and in the race for popularity his demagogical spirit was wonderfully successful. He had never had much to do with me since the death of DeVare, but he now seemed determined to renew our old intimacy.As he fully possessed the art of making himself agreeable, and hiding his cloven foot, I enjoyed some very pleasant hours with him.He was even confidential with me; said that he was engaged to Lulie, and that she loved him very devotedly, but that he had not quite made up his mind yet.“And when do you expect to marry her?” I asked one day, when we had been talking about her.“Marry, did you say? Ha! ha! that is a good one. Marry, the devil! Why, you do not suppose that I am in earnest with her, do you?”“You ought to be, if she loves you, as you say she does, and as I believe,” I replied, with indignation in my tone.“Well, perhaps I am,” he said with a careless laugh; “without boasting, she is certainly infatuated with me, and I—I love to be with her, hold her hand and clasp her waist, and all that sort of thing, but whether you call that love or not I do not know.”“Why, you do not mean to say you have gone as far as that?” I asked, in surprise, for I had never supposed that Lulie, with all her infatuation, would permit such liberties.“Umph! I should think I had; and I count myself deucedly fortunate; for it isn’t every day a fellow kisses such lips as hers.”“Frank, you shock me.”“Do I? Oh, Lulie is very prudent, with every one else; but you see with her betrothed she feels a little freer. By the way, John, how did you make it with Miss Carrover?”“I had a pretty fair game,” I replied, cautiously, for I did not wish to be communicative. “Did you try your hand there?”“Only a little,” he replied; “a stolen kiss or two and a half squeeze was all I got from her. Ellerton had it out with her though.”“You surprise me,” I said. “I thought she was very chary of her favors.”“Chary, the devil! I could tell you of a dozen men in college who were engaged to her. She lived on flirtation. ‘Twas reported that you were swamped terribly. They say you were the only one in earnest.”“Those who say so know nothing about it,” I replied warmly, for I was nettled at his words.“Well, well, no offence I hope; but, changing the subject, you will come to my supper, Friday evening, will you not? I’ll take no refusal. There will be a select company, and we cannot do without you.”He was so urgent in his invitation that I finally consented to attend.As I started to the supper room Friday night, Ned said, in his kind way:“Do not drink much, to-night, John. It is hard to count one’s glasses in the midst of so much hilarity.”“Never fear for me,” I said, gaily, as I ran down the stairs. Frank had secured rooms down town, and on reaching them I found the company all assembled. There were Markham and Bolton, two Seniors, to contribute dignity; Trickley, a Soph., who was brimful of song; Ellerton, who was considered a wit; two or three others whose names I have forgotten, and last a little Fresh named Peepsy, who was so exceedingly verdant that Frank had brought him down as a butt for us. I shook hands round and bowed stiffly to Ellerton, whom I had not spoken to since the duel.The time before supper was laid was, as is always the case, dull, the Seniors discussing Mill and Say, Vattel and Montesquieu, as if the fate of the nation depended on their opinion, while the rest of us addressed each other in shortsentences after long intervals of silence. At length a servant announced that supper was on the table. We passed through a folding door, and gathered around a table that was really groaning beneath its massive load of delicacies. Frank had ordered the supper from Richmond, and Pazzini had excelled himself. After the usual chair scrapings, waiter trippings, plate turnings and comic graces, some of which were shockingly irreverent, we got to work. With some flow of conversation and a laugh at Peepsy, who called Swiss Meringue a syllabub sandwich, we came to the removal of the cloth.I had determined, on my way thither, not to touch wine unless courtesy compelled it, but now, as I caught the contagion of hilarity, and found that what I said was applauded and listened to—dangerous flattery—a reckless spirit of conviviality seized me, and I threw restraint to the winds, resolving to have a “good time” for once. Conscience had withdrawn into a corner of my heart, and revelry held its carnival.The green seals were broken and the amber fluid bubbled in our glasses.I drank one as we toasted Frank, another after his reply, and the third at a compliment to myself.As the glasses were large, and I was unused to more than half a glass at a time, I felt what I had imbibed glowing over my system. A warm flush came into my face, and the mercury of excitement went up several degrees.After we had exhausted all the cut and dried toasts, and all the studied things had been said, we were thrown back upon our own originality. Markham then proposed that we sing the old song ofVive la Compagnie, toasting each other in turn, while the man who was toasted must reply by a distich of the song.Ellerton immediately rose with a brimming glass in his hand and said:“A good idea, Markham, and to commence I propose, gentlemen, Mr. Smith, the block on which Miss Carrover sharpened the blade of her coquetry.”I felt the blood surge to my temples and a harsh retort rise to my lips, but I controlled myself, as the chorus paused for my reply, and sang:“The block will be happy to sharpen a bitWhat so much needs edge, as the gentleman’s wit.”Amid cries of Good! good! we drank again, with a noisy “Vive la, vive la, vive l’amour!”Others were then proposed, and with each toast my glass was filled. And now the first effects of the wine began to be felt. I became conscious of a slight unsteadiness of vision, and found that when I attempted to look at any object my eyes went past it like the pendulum of a clock, then went back again, so that I had to move them several times before I could concentrate on what I wished to see. Even then my sight was not very clear, for the lamps had misty rings around them, and when I reached out my hand for my glass I had to make an effort or two before I could touch it. The table, too, seemed to have a wave or elevation in the middle, and the wall on the opposite side of the room was not exactly perpendicular. My consciousness, too, was an unreal consciousness, as if I were dreaming of all these surroundings, and this uncertainty of vision somewhat confused me in ideas and actions. Remembering how much wine I had taken, a sudden fear came over me that I might be a little intoxicated, and with the thought an intense desire to conceal it. The best way to conceal it, I said to myself, is to talk on and convince them that nothing is the matter with me. Markham was sitting next to me and I resolved to speak to him of Lillian, for I was afraid that Ellerton’s remark had produced the impression on his mind that I had been jilted.“I say, Mis’er Mar’c’um,” I said, leaning much moreheavily on his shoulder than I intended, “you did’n think I loved Lill’yun the most, did y’r? Ellert’n was only jok’n. B’cause I got’s much’s she did in that game. Umph? Don’t you think so. Umph? Say, don’t you think so? Umph?”“Who the devil is Lillian?” he said, turning a red face and bloodshot eyes upon me. “Hold up. Trickley is going to sing.”“All right,” I said, pushing myself up from him; “just’s you say; I’ll tell you ‘bout it again.”I saw Trickley indistinctly on the other side of the table and heard him sing something about“The world is all an ocean and the people are the fish,The devil is the fisherman and baits us as we wish;When he wants to catch a boy he baits with sugar plums,When he wants to catch a man he baits with golden sums,”and closing my eyes to relieve them of the misty light I dozed in a half sleep with my head upon my breast till I was awakened by the applause at the conclusion of Trickley’s song.“H’rah!” I shouted, a little louder than any one else, smashing my glass as I brought it down upon the table.“Com mere, Jim,” I said, beckoning to the waiter who stood near me, “brush off these glass, and hold me up and sweep under me. D’you hear?”Negro-like he was full of laughter at my condition, and snickered outright as he swept off the fragments of glass.“Who’re you laughing at, you scoundrel? Umph?” I said, boiling over with rage, and seizing a goblet which Markham barely caught in time to save.“I declare, sir, I wasn’t laughing at all, sir,” said Jim, frightened at my anger.“You’re a lie, aint you? I say, aint you a lie? Markham, lend me your pist’l.”Markham was just drunk enough to do it, and handed a Sharpe’s four-shooter, but the negro had fled from the room,while Frank and Ellerton took the pistol away from me. Seeing how much intoxicated I was, they told me the poor negro had no idea of laughing at me, and that I had hurt his feelings very much, and ought to beg his pardon.“Bring him in and I’ll do it;” as I spoke he came in again with some cigars, and I called him to me. He had not lost all of his recent fright, however, and hesitated about coming any nearer.“Why don’t you com mere, Jim. I’ll throw a chair at you ‘f you don’t come,” I said, making an effort to rise. At length he drew near enough for me to touch him, when I threw one arm around his neck and said, with half sobs:“I beg your pard’n, Jim; I won’t hurt you. Are you ‘fraid of me? Umph? I love you, Jim, b’cause you’re all right, aint you?”The others pulled me from him, and told him to get on the other side of the table.“No; I want Jim to com mere. I know what I want; you all don’t know what I want.”“No, no, Smith, let Jim alone. Here, take a cigar,” said one or two, offering a case.“No; I want Jim. Jim’s all right,” I said, looking sleepily defiant.“Wait till after supper,” said Ellerton, “then you can see him. It’s your time to give us a song now.”“Th—hat’s all right, Ellerton; you’ll help me sing, won’t you? Now, I’m going to sing:“Then fill up your glasses—and your tumbler ‘sand your goblets,And drink to the health of it—all up and ask—for more”——“Oh, we’ve had enough of that, Smith. Sing us something, or we will have to try Peepsy, here,” said Trickley, who had been trying to make Peepsy say something all the evening.“Vive la! vive la compagnic!” I sang, winding up with a hiccup.“Smith, that’s stale, and boring as the devil,” said Ellerton; “hush! and let us hear the Fresh sing.”I was too stupid to make any reply, but made out to hear poor little Peepsy protest that he knew but one song in the world, and that was a hymn. But they would all take no refusal, and swore that unless he sang it they would tie him and leave him in the street all night, a threat he implicitly believed. I was almost in a second doze when I heard his little, quivering voice, as he sang:“I love to steal a while away,” etc.A song learned at his mother’s knee rendered in a drunken carousal! Poor little fellow, he was not in fault!Ellerton now proposed that we light our cigars and go up to the campus to have some fun.The Seniors said it was too undignified for them, and took their leave, and little Peepsy begged so hard we let him off.When I rose from my chair the floor seemed to rise in waves before me, and, attempting to collect my senses and steady my feet, I fell, and, striking my head against the table leaf, lay unconscious till they carried me out. The fresh air revived me somewhat, and we staggered on with a noise and tumult that called several others from their beds to join our plans, which were to bar the doors, tar the benches and put a cow in the belfry, if possible.Drunk as I was, I recognized in the accessions to our crowd the lowest men in college—fellows that I never spoke to, and who were evidently surprised at my plight. But it was no time for proud reserve, and so I led the way, shouting every few steps:“Come on, boys; we’re all right, ain’t we?”We procured some tar and smeared on all the benches in the accessible rooms, barred the doors and then went up to the belfry, which we burst in to get to the bell. While a part staid to ring it others went down to look for a cow tobring up. I sank down on the steps in a stupid sleep, with the thought piercing my drunken brain like a sword, “I am disgraced for ever. My parents will be mortified and my friends desert me.”I was awakened by a terrific noise near me, and some one’s stumbling over me. ‘Twas some time before I could see what was the matter, but at length, by a dingy lantern, I saw students above me with ropes in their hands. The ropes were tied to the horns of a cow that was standing with glaring eyes and frightful bellowing a few steps below me. I was too much frightened to move, and with great relief heard Frank reply to some one who suggested to run over the fool:“No, no; that’s Smith. He’s all right. Help him up, Donnery.”The person addressed caught me by the arm and gave me a rough jerk that landed me on the top step, from which I managed to crawl off to one side out of the way.“Now for it I” exclaimed several voices below; “pull, Donnery, you and Haggam pull.”They seemed to strain and tug at something without effect, and Haggam said, with a long breath:“What makes her so devilish hard to move? She came up the lower flights very well.”“She got scared of that drunken fool on the steps,” I heard the coarse voice of Donnery reply, and, intoxicated as I was, I breathed a solemn vow to Heaven that I would never merit that term again.Drawing the ropes tight again, Donnery shouted to Frank:“Twist her tail, Paning,—— her! that will move her.”“I have,” said Frank, “and she won’t budge.”“Let me get hold,” said a great rough fellow standing by him, and, taking the vaccine caudal in his two hands, he gave it such a wrench that, with a horrid roar, the poorcreature clattered up the steps, her hoofs sounding on the wood as if the building were falling. Once on the floor, they drove her on to a lecture room, and nailing up the door, left her there. Having finished this job they dispersed, Frank calling out good night! to me as he passed. I heard some one tell him he had better see to me, and heard him reply carelessly:“Never mind, he rooms on this floor, Cheyleigh’ll find him,” and my vow gained all the more strength from his neglect.I had just sense enough left to try to find my room, and was trying to totter to my feet, when some one took hold of my arm and said:“Mr. Smith, let me help you. Are you hurt much?”It was little Peepsy, who roomed on the same floor, and whom I had laughed at so, at Frank’s supper. He kindly endeavored to assist me to walk, but I was too drunk to make any progress, even with his assistance, so I sat down on the floor while he went to call Ned. A dizzy sickness came over me, and I essayed to lean on one arm to steady myself, but my elbow doubled under me and I fell over heavily on one side, bruising my forehead against the hard plank. The only consciousness left was a sense of shame, and I murmured, “What would father and mother say if they could see me now.”A light appeared at the farther end of the corridor, and I saw Ned approaching. A last tinge of pride made me desirous to seem less intoxicated to him, and, as he came up, I called out, trying to raise my head:“Hel-lo-old fellor, I’m all right; I want t’go t’me room, Ned. Where’s se key?”Ned did not make any reply, but with Peepsy’s aid got me to our room and assisted me to bed.I had scarcely tumbled lifelessly upon it before I was asleep.When I awoke all was still in the room, the sun was shining very brightly out doors, and looking at the clock on the mantel, I saw that it was nearly twelve. Oh! the torture of that awakening!My whole body seemed to be scorching in horrid flames, and my tongue and throat cracked with the heat, while a raging thirst consumed me. Yet I was so weak and feeble that had water been near me I could not have stretched forth my hand to touch it.But physical suffering was nothing to my mental torture. My instability of character, my broken resolves, my ridiculous and disgraceful conduct, my wreck of all pretensions to moral character, the surprise and pain of my friends, the sneers of my enemies, and my own consciousness of degradation, all crowded upon me till I felt that my disgrace was irretrievable.With a sigh of relief I heard the bell ring, and put a stop to the train of my remorseful reflections.Ned came in, with a kind smile on his face, and, at my whispered request, gave me a goblet of cool, fresh water. How intensely delicious it was! Better far than the amber Chian or red Falernian, mellowed by years in the vaults of Mecænas, the pure, harmless beverage God hath brewed for His creatures!

TheSpring session opened with pleasant prospects for us all. I was conveniently situated for study, and resolved to make the most of my opportunity. The great college office in those days was Marshal for the commencement exercises. Even early in the session those interested commenced to electioneer for their respective favorites. Frank was one of the candidates,and in the race for popularity his demagogical spirit was wonderfully successful. He had never had much to do with me since the death of DeVare, but he now seemed determined to renew our old intimacy.

As he fully possessed the art of making himself agreeable, and hiding his cloven foot, I enjoyed some very pleasant hours with him.

He was even confidential with me; said that he was engaged to Lulie, and that she loved him very devotedly, but that he had not quite made up his mind yet.

“And when do you expect to marry her?” I asked one day, when we had been talking about her.

“Marry, did you say? Ha! ha! that is a good one. Marry, the devil! Why, you do not suppose that I am in earnest with her, do you?”

“You ought to be, if she loves you, as you say she does, and as I believe,” I replied, with indignation in my tone.

“Well, perhaps I am,” he said with a careless laugh; “without boasting, she is certainly infatuated with me, and I—I love to be with her, hold her hand and clasp her waist, and all that sort of thing, but whether you call that love or not I do not know.”

“Why, you do not mean to say you have gone as far as that?” I asked, in surprise, for I had never supposed that Lulie, with all her infatuation, would permit such liberties.

“Umph! I should think I had; and I count myself deucedly fortunate; for it isn’t every day a fellow kisses such lips as hers.”

“Frank, you shock me.”

“Do I? Oh, Lulie is very prudent, with every one else; but you see with her betrothed she feels a little freer. By the way, John, how did you make it with Miss Carrover?”

“I had a pretty fair game,” I replied, cautiously, for I did not wish to be communicative. “Did you try your hand there?”

“Only a little,” he replied; “a stolen kiss or two and a half squeeze was all I got from her. Ellerton had it out with her though.”

“You surprise me,” I said. “I thought she was very chary of her favors.”

“Chary, the devil! I could tell you of a dozen men in college who were engaged to her. She lived on flirtation. ‘Twas reported that you were swamped terribly. They say you were the only one in earnest.”

“Those who say so know nothing about it,” I replied warmly, for I was nettled at his words.

“Well, well, no offence I hope; but, changing the subject, you will come to my supper, Friday evening, will you not? I’ll take no refusal. There will be a select company, and we cannot do without you.”

He was so urgent in his invitation that I finally consented to attend.

As I started to the supper room Friday night, Ned said, in his kind way:

“Do not drink much, to-night, John. It is hard to count one’s glasses in the midst of so much hilarity.”

“Never fear for me,” I said, gaily, as I ran down the stairs. Frank had secured rooms down town, and on reaching them I found the company all assembled. There were Markham and Bolton, two Seniors, to contribute dignity; Trickley, a Soph., who was brimful of song; Ellerton, who was considered a wit; two or three others whose names I have forgotten, and last a little Fresh named Peepsy, who was so exceedingly verdant that Frank had brought him down as a butt for us. I shook hands round and bowed stiffly to Ellerton, whom I had not spoken to since the duel.

The time before supper was laid was, as is always the case, dull, the Seniors discussing Mill and Say, Vattel and Montesquieu, as if the fate of the nation depended on their opinion, while the rest of us addressed each other in shortsentences after long intervals of silence. At length a servant announced that supper was on the table. We passed through a folding door, and gathered around a table that was really groaning beneath its massive load of delicacies. Frank had ordered the supper from Richmond, and Pazzini had excelled himself. After the usual chair scrapings, waiter trippings, plate turnings and comic graces, some of which were shockingly irreverent, we got to work. With some flow of conversation and a laugh at Peepsy, who called Swiss Meringue a syllabub sandwich, we came to the removal of the cloth.

I had determined, on my way thither, not to touch wine unless courtesy compelled it, but now, as I caught the contagion of hilarity, and found that what I said was applauded and listened to—dangerous flattery—a reckless spirit of conviviality seized me, and I threw restraint to the winds, resolving to have a “good time” for once. Conscience had withdrawn into a corner of my heart, and revelry held its carnival.

The green seals were broken and the amber fluid bubbled in our glasses.

I drank one as we toasted Frank, another after his reply, and the third at a compliment to myself.

As the glasses were large, and I was unused to more than half a glass at a time, I felt what I had imbibed glowing over my system. A warm flush came into my face, and the mercury of excitement went up several degrees.

After we had exhausted all the cut and dried toasts, and all the studied things had been said, we were thrown back upon our own originality. Markham then proposed that we sing the old song ofVive la Compagnie, toasting each other in turn, while the man who was toasted must reply by a distich of the song.

Ellerton immediately rose with a brimming glass in his hand and said:

“A good idea, Markham, and to commence I propose, gentlemen, Mr. Smith, the block on which Miss Carrover sharpened the blade of her coquetry.”

I felt the blood surge to my temples and a harsh retort rise to my lips, but I controlled myself, as the chorus paused for my reply, and sang:

“The block will be happy to sharpen a bitWhat so much needs edge, as the gentleman’s wit.”

Amid cries of Good! good! we drank again, with a noisy “Vive la, vive la, vive l’amour!”

Others were then proposed, and with each toast my glass was filled. And now the first effects of the wine began to be felt. I became conscious of a slight unsteadiness of vision, and found that when I attempted to look at any object my eyes went past it like the pendulum of a clock, then went back again, so that I had to move them several times before I could concentrate on what I wished to see. Even then my sight was not very clear, for the lamps had misty rings around them, and when I reached out my hand for my glass I had to make an effort or two before I could touch it. The table, too, seemed to have a wave or elevation in the middle, and the wall on the opposite side of the room was not exactly perpendicular. My consciousness, too, was an unreal consciousness, as if I were dreaming of all these surroundings, and this uncertainty of vision somewhat confused me in ideas and actions. Remembering how much wine I had taken, a sudden fear came over me that I might be a little intoxicated, and with the thought an intense desire to conceal it. The best way to conceal it, I said to myself, is to talk on and convince them that nothing is the matter with me. Markham was sitting next to me and I resolved to speak to him of Lillian, for I was afraid that Ellerton’s remark had produced the impression on his mind that I had been jilted.

“I say, Mis’er Mar’c’um,” I said, leaning much moreheavily on his shoulder than I intended, “you did’n think I loved Lill’yun the most, did y’r? Ellert’n was only jok’n. B’cause I got’s much’s she did in that game. Umph? Don’t you think so. Umph? Say, don’t you think so? Umph?”

“Who the devil is Lillian?” he said, turning a red face and bloodshot eyes upon me. “Hold up. Trickley is going to sing.”

“All right,” I said, pushing myself up from him; “just’s you say; I’ll tell you ‘bout it again.”

I saw Trickley indistinctly on the other side of the table and heard him sing something about

“The world is all an ocean and the people are the fish,The devil is the fisherman and baits us as we wish;When he wants to catch a boy he baits with sugar plums,When he wants to catch a man he baits with golden sums,”

and closing my eyes to relieve them of the misty light I dozed in a half sleep with my head upon my breast till I was awakened by the applause at the conclusion of Trickley’s song.

“H’rah!” I shouted, a little louder than any one else, smashing my glass as I brought it down upon the table.

“Com mere, Jim,” I said, beckoning to the waiter who stood near me, “brush off these glass, and hold me up and sweep under me. D’you hear?”

Negro-like he was full of laughter at my condition, and snickered outright as he swept off the fragments of glass.

“Who’re you laughing at, you scoundrel? Umph?” I said, boiling over with rage, and seizing a goblet which Markham barely caught in time to save.

“I declare, sir, I wasn’t laughing at all, sir,” said Jim, frightened at my anger.

“You’re a lie, aint you? I say, aint you a lie? Markham, lend me your pist’l.”

Markham was just drunk enough to do it, and handed a Sharpe’s four-shooter, but the negro had fled from the room,while Frank and Ellerton took the pistol away from me. Seeing how much intoxicated I was, they told me the poor negro had no idea of laughing at me, and that I had hurt his feelings very much, and ought to beg his pardon.

“Bring him in and I’ll do it;” as I spoke he came in again with some cigars, and I called him to me. He had not lost all of his recent fright, however, and hesitated about coming any nearer.

“Why don’t you com mere, Jim. I’ll throw a chair at you ‘f you don’t come,” I said, making an effort to rise. At length he drew near enough for me to touch him, when I threw one arm around his neck and said, with half sobs:

“I beg your pard’n, Jim; I won’t hurt you. Are you ‘fraid of me? Umph? I love you, Jim, b’cause you’re all right, aint you?”

The others pulled me from him, and told him to get on the other side of the table.

“No; I want Jim to com mere. I know what I want; you all don’t know what I want.”

“No, no, Smith, let Jim alone. Here, take a cigar,” said one or two, offering a case.

“No; I want Jim. Jim’s all right,” I said, looking sleepily defiant.

“Wait till after supper,” said Ellerton, “then you can see him. It’s your time to give us a song now.”

“Th—hat’s all right, Ellerton; you’ll help me sing, won’t you? Now, I’m going to sing:

“Then fill up your glasses—and your tumbler ‘sand your goblets,And drink to the health of it—all up and ask—for more”——

“Oh, we’ve had enough of that, Smith. Sing us something, or we will have to try Peepsy, here,” said Trickley, who had been trying to make Peepsy say something all the evening.

“Vive la! vive la compagnic!” I sang, winding up with a hiccup.

“Smith, that’s stale, and boring as the devil,” said Ellerton; “hush! and let us hear the Fresh sing.”

I was too stupid to make any reply, but made out to hear poor little Peepsy protest that he knew but one song in the world, and that was a hymn. But they would all take no refusal, and swore that unless he sang it they would tie him and leave him in the street all night, a threat he implicitly believed. I was almost in a second doze when I heard his little, quivering voice, as he sang:

“I love to steal a while away,” etc.

A song learned at his mother’s knee rendered in a drunken carousal! Poor little fellow, he was not in fault!

Ellerton now proposed that we light our cigars and go up to the campus to have some fun.

The Seniors said it was too undignified for them, and took their leave, and little Peepsy begged so hard we let him off.

When I rose from my chair the floor seemed to rise in waves before me, and, attempting to collect my senses and steady my feet, I fell, and, striking my head against the table leaf, lay unconscious till they carried me out. The fresh air revived me somewhat, and we staggered on with a noise and tumult that called several others from their beds to join our plans, which were to bar the doors, tar the benches and put a cow in the belfry, if possible.

Drunk as I was, I recognized in the accessions to our crowd the lowest men in college—fellows that I never spoke to, and who were evidently surprised at my plight. But it was no time for proud reserve, and so I led the way, shouting every few steps:

“Come on, boys; we’re all right, ain’t we?”

We procured some tar and smeared on all the benches in the accessible rooms, barred the doors and then went up to the belfry, which we burst in to get to the bell. While a part staid to ring it others went down to look for a cow tobring up. I sank down on the steps in a stupid sleep, with the thought piercing my drunken brain like a sword, “I am disgraced for ever. My parents will be mortified and my friends desert me.”

I was awakened by a terrific noise near me, and some one’s stumbling over me. ‘Twas some time before I could see what was the matter, but at length, by a dingy lantern, I saw students above me with ropes in their hands. The ropes were tied to the horns of a cow that was standing with glaring eyes and frightful bellowing a few steps below me. I was too much frightened to move, and with great relief heard Frank reply to some one who suggested to run over the fool:

“No, no; that’s Smith. He’s all right. Help him up, Donnery.”

The person addressed caught me by the arm and gave me a rough jerk that landed me on the top step, from which I managed to crawl off to one side out of the way.

“Now for it I” exclaimed several voices below; “pull, Donnery, you and Haggam pull.”

They seemed to strain and tug at something without effect, and Haggam said, with a long breath:

“What makes her so devilish hard to move? She came up the lower flights very well.”

“She got scared of that drunken fool on the steps,” I heard the coarse voice of Donnery reply, and, intoxicated as I was, I breathed a solemn vow to Heaven that I would never merit that term again.

Drawing the ropes tight again, Donnery shouted to Frank:

“Twist her tail, Paning,—— her! that will move her.”

“I have,” said Frank, “and she won’t budge.”

“Let me get hold,” said a great rough fellow standing by him, and, taking the vaccine caudal in his two hands, he gave it such a wrench that, with a horrid roar, the poorcreature clattered up the steps, her hoofs sounding on the wood as if the building were falling. Once on the floor, they drove her on to a lecture room, and nailing up the door, left her there. Having finished this job they dispersed, Frank calling out good night! to me as he passed. I heard some one tell him he had better see to me, and heard him reply carelessly:

“Never mind, he rooms on this floor, Cheyleigh’ll find him,” and my vow gained all the more strength from his neglect.

I had just sense enough left to try to find my room, and was trying to totter to my feet, when some one took hold of my arm and said:

“Mr. Smith, let me help you. Are you hurt much?”

It was little Peepsy, who roomed on the same floor, and whom I had laughed at so, at Frank’s supper. He kindly endeavored to assist me to walk, but I was too drunk to make any progress, even with his assistance, so I sat down on the floor while he went to call Ned. A dizzy sickness came over me, and I essayed to lean on one arm to steady myself, but my elbow doubled under me and I fell over heavily on one side, bruising my forehead against the hard plank. The only consciousness left was a sense of shame, and I murmured, “What would father and mother say if they could see me now.”

A light appeared at the farther end of the corridor, and I saw Ned approaching. A last tinge of pride made me desirous to seem less intoxicated to him, and, as he came up, I called out, trying to raise my head:

“Hel-lo-old fellor, I’m all right; I want t’go t’me room, Ned. Where’s se key?”

Ned did not make any reply, but with Peepsy’s aid got me to our room and assisted me to bed.

I had scarcely tumbled lifelessly upon it before I was asleep.

When I awoke all was still in the room, the sun was shining very brightly out doors, and looking at the clock on the mantel, I saw that it was nearly twelve. Oh! the torture of that awakening!

My whole body seemed to be scorching in horrid flames, and my tongue and throat cracked with the heat, while a raging thirst consumed me. Yet I was so weak and feeble that had water been near me I could not have stretched forth my hand to touch it.

But physical suffering was nothing to my mental torture. My instability of character, my broken resolves, my ridiculous and disgraceful conduct, my wreck of all pretensions to moral character, the surprise and pain of my friends, the sneers of my enemies, and my own consciousness of degradation, all crowded upon me till I felt that my disgrace was irretrievable.

With a sigh of relief I heard the bell ring, and put a stop to the train of my remorseful reflections.

Ned came in, with a kind smile on his face, and, at my whispered request, gave me a goblet of cool, fresh water. How intensely delicious it was! Better far than the amber Chian or red Falernian, mellowed by years in the vaults of Mecænas, the pure, harmless beverage God hath brewed for His creatures!

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