PRACTICAL HUSBANDRY.

Scene I.—Frankis seated,R., in the depths of an arm-chair, his feet resting on the table. He is smoking a cigar. EnterEdwin,L.

Edwin.Well, Frank, you look decidedly cosey and comfortable, that’s a fact.

Frank(not altering his position, but motioning his visitor to a seat). That’s the way to do. One might as well enjoy life as he goes along. Have a cigar, Aldrich? (Offers him an open case, in which are cigars.)

E.(throwing himself on a lounge,L. C.). No, Frank, I believe not. The fact is, I’ve reformed—given up smoking.

F.Whew! I’ll wager that’s one of the consequences of matrimony.

E.I don’t deny it. But I think smoking is a bad habit, and have thought of giving it up before, but never could persevere till now. That reminds me, Frank; why don’t you marry? I dare say you could find some one in the city foolish enough to take you for better or worse. And you don’t know what a comfort ’tis to a man to have a good wife and a pleasant home.

F.That’s where the trouble is (fondly stroking his mustache). As you say, I could easily persuade some one to marry me, knowing as they do that I possess plenty of money. But don’t you think it would make a difference if I were a poor man?

E.I dare say it might with some persons; but all are not alike. I am sure there are many who esteem wealth of less importance than personal worth.

F.(assuming a sitting posture, and laying cigar down). I have often thought I should like to marry; but when I looked around among the ladies with whom I was brought in contact, I became disgusted to see what frivolous lives they led.

E.But all women are not alike, Frank.

F.That may be so, but where shall I go to look for a different class? I have strong domestic tastes, and would be glad to change my present state of single blessedness for a married life. If I could find my ideal of a wife, I would marry at once.

E.I’ll tell you what it is, Frank. You must go into the country. The girls are mostly sensible there,and think less about dress and fashion. You can assume another name, and then look around you, and become acquainted with some of the country girls. My wife was born and brought up in the country, so I can speak from experience.

F.But how could I manage? I couldn’t go to a hotel and stop with nothing to do. Country girls are ambitious as well as those who live in the city, and if I remained there with no occupation, I should be supposed to be a man of some property, and I shouldn’t be much better off than I am here.

E.That’s so, my friend. I never gave you credit for so much shrewdness. But isn’t there anything you could do,—any kind of business, I mean?

F.I have it. I’ll hire myself out on a farm. In that way, as one of the family, I shall become more intimately acquainted with the neighborhood—girls included.

E.Imagine fastidious Benjamin Franklin Webster dressed in coarse clothes and cowhide boots! (Looking upward.) Shades of the illustrious men whose names he bears, look down with benignity on the depth of degradation to which he proposes to descend!

F.(smiling). That’ll do, Ed. I am only following the example of at least one of those illustrious men in working on a farm.

E.And those delicate hands, that never did any manual labor, are to be used in milking the cows and holding the plough!

F.Laugh away, Ed. I’ve made my plans, and now I’m going to carry them out.

E.But, seriously, will your strength hold out?

F.Without doubt. Besides, every one says farming is the most healthful occupation any one can follow. So you may expect to see me back in the fall so stout and fleshy that my friends will hardly know me.

E.And perhaps you will bring Mrs. Benjamin Franklin Webster with you.

F.That’s very uncertain. I haven’t really very great faith in the project myself; but I’m tired of my present way of living, and any change will be welcome, even if it does not bring about the desired result.

E.But how are you going to obtain the situation?

F.How am I? (Smiling.) That’s the question before the meeting.

E.Suppose you advertise for one. That would be the best way, I think.

F.The very thing. Couldn’t you write an advertisement for me, Ed? You know I’m modest, and couldn’t, of course, speak of my qualifications as well as you could.

(Edwintakes sheet of paper from the table, and writes for a few moments; then reads it.)

E.(reading). “Wanted—By a young man, a situation on a farm. Is willing to work for moderate wages, provided he can learn the business. Address Franklin Forrester, Box 68.” How will that do, Frank?

F.I guess that’ll answer. But what paper would it be best to insert it in? The evening “Herald”?

E.Oh no, that wouldn’t do. It must be an agricultural paper. Better put it into several; then you will be more sure of a reply.

F.I’ll insert it in every agricultural paper in the city. If I get one reply from each, I shall have at least six.

E.Very well. If one has an object in view, there’s nothing like taking every method to accomplish it.

(Curtain falls.)

Scene II.—FrankseatedC., before a table covered with letters. EnterEdwin,L.

E.Well, I must say the agricultural papers in the city have a goodly number of subscribers, judging from appearances. This is the first edition of letters, I suppose.

(Exit,L.)

F.Yes, and, judging from the slight examination I have made, it already needs to be revised and corrected. But there’s no doubt about my getting a situation, Ed. You see what a demand there is for my services. Sixty letters already! I can almost imagine myself at the head of a village post-office.

E.The quality may not be as satisfactory as the quantity. But if all these letters are to be examined, we must to work, and use diligence too. Suppose you open them, and read them aloud.

F.That’s a good way. Here’s one written in a wretched hand, which I will read first.

(Cutting off one end of the envelope he draws out a piece of paper about six inches square, which runs thus:)

F.(reading).

“Mister Forrister: I seen your notis in the paper yisterdy. And sez I to myself, I don’t bleeve I cood do better than to hire that man. My bizness is diggin’ wells, wich is one branch of farmin’, becoz every farm has to have one or more. As you say you’re a green hand, I should expec you to pay your bord for the fust month. I’d give you your bord the second month for your work. After that we’d talk about wages, though I coodn’t pay much. When cood you kum?“Yours to command,“Solomon Porcupine.”

“Yours to command,

“Solomon Porcupine.”

E.(laughing). Ha! ha! ha! That’s a good one. If you go there you’ll be sure to learn one branch of the business pretty thoroughly. Shall you accept, and become a member of Mr. Porcupine’s family? By the way, he has a charming name.

F.Yes, characteristic, I dare say. Accept the first chance? No indeed; not as long as I have fifty-nine more left. (Opens another letter.) But what is this?

E.I’m all attention.

F.(reading). Mr. Forrester: “I notice by my paper that you want to learn to farm. I should like to teach you ‘what I know about farming.’ It would take some time to do it, but I would warrant you a goodknowledge of farming in six years. You couldn’t fail to get a thorough knowledge of the business, as I should let you do all the work. My health is poor, and I am only able to oversee the work. As you want a situation, you may as well consider yourself engaged. I shall expect you next Monday.Horace Gregory.”

F.Well! that’s cool! I am afraid that man is troubled by a disease called indolence. But, Ed, we are getting along too slowly. Suppose you and I read letters as fast as we can, and if either of us finds one that we consider suitable it shall be read aloud. If not, it shall be thrown into the waste basket.

E.Agreed.

(They look over letters very hurriedly, occasionally laughing aloud as they read something which excites their mirth. At lengthEdwinsays:)

E.Here, Frank, here’s just the place for you. Shall I read?

F.Do so by all means. I am nearly discouraged.

E.(reading). “Franklin Forrester, Esq.—Dear Sir: Uncle William wishes me to write to you concerning an advertisement of yours which he read in our paper. He judges from it that you are not accustomed to working on a farm. He has already two men, but wishes a little more help, provided arrangements satisfactory to both parties could be made. He is willing to pay whatever is reasonable as regard wages, but not knowing how much you can do, he can say nothing more definite. If you wish any further information, a letter directed to William Leighton, Ballardvale, Vermont, will receiveprompt attention. But if you prefer to come without writing, uncle will be glad to see you at any time after the receipt of this letter.”

F.(eagerly). What is the signature?

F.There is none, but it is evidently a lady’s hand. What do you think of it?

F.I think I shall start for Ballardvale to-morrow.

E.That’s a wise conclusion. You will be back by Christmas, I doubt not. Probably by that time you will have become a practical farmer.

F.(absently). Time will show.

(Curtain falls.)

Scene III.—Sitting-room atMr. Leighton’s. Time, evening.Mrs. Leighton,C.,Annie,R., andFrank,L., present.Frankis dressed in a coarse suit.Mrs. L.is knitting.

Mrs. Leighton.Well, Mr. Forrester, how do you like your first day’s experience on a farm?

F.Very much, indeed. But, you know, I have not had any work to do yet. Mr. Leighton, unlike most employers, has given me a vacation to start with.

Mrs. L.He wishes you to have a little time in which to look around first.

Annie(smiling). You find the hour for rising a little earlier here than in the city, I suppose.

F.Yes, I do. This morning I was awakened by the sound of a bell. I listened, wondering what could be the matter. There were sounds from below, as if something had happened. Doors were opened and shuthurriedly, and I could hear the voices of men outside. I dressed as quickly as I could, and hurried downstairs. But it appeared that nothing unusual had taken place. Mrs. Leighton was getting breakfast, and you were laying the table. I glanced up at the clock, and saw that it was a quarter past four o’clock (smiling),—about four hours earlier than I have been accustomed to rise. Then it occurred to me that people living on farms are obliged to get up early.

Mrs. L.Yes, my mother used to say that an hour in the morning was worth three later in the day. But did you rest well, Mr. Forrester?

F.Oh yes, very well.

Mrs. L.When I pass the night in the city I can’t sleep, there is so much noise. But last summer a lady who was visiting here could not sleep becauseshe missed the noise.

F.There is a great deal in habit. (A pause.) By the way, I said that I had done no work to-day. I forgot to mention that I had accomplished a feat which I never attempted before.

A.What was that?

F.I unharnessed the horse.

A.How did you succeed?

F.I got the harness off, but not very scientifically, I’m afraid, for I heard Mike tell Jerry that that city chap was the curiousest feller he ever see, for he unfastened every buckle that was in the harness, and then left it in a heap on the floor.

A.(smiling). I think that’s a little worse than I should do, for I believe I should endeavor to hang the harness up.

F.To tell the truth, I thought of doing so, but there were so many small pieces that it was impossible. If I had found a basket near, I should have gathered them up and put them in that.

A.That would be a novel method of disposing of it.

Mrs. L.I expect, Mr. Forrester, that you are one of those students who don’t know much about anything but books.

F.At all events I find, in looking around me, that I don’t know much about farming. But there’s one good feature in the case: I am anxious to learn.

Mrs. L.Oh, I haven’t any doubt but you’ll make quite a farmer yet!

(Curtain falls.)

Scene IV.—Mrs. L.’ssitting-room. EnterFrankandAnnie,R., wearing their hats.Frankis carrying a basket of grapes (or some other kind of fruit). They take off their hats, andFranklays both on the table.Annieseats herself,R., andFrankbrings a chair and sits near her,L.

F.(taking up the basket). Now I feel like treating myself and you. Here are some tempting clusters.

(Anniespreads a clean napkin over her dress, whileFrankplaces the grapes upon it. They sit for a moment eating the fruit.)

Mrs. L.(entering,R.). So you have got back again. I was wondering what kept you so long.

F.Congratulate me, Aunt Lucy. Annie has promised to marry me.

Mrs. L.That accounts for your being gone so long. I thought you couldn’t be all this time getting a few grapes. But I’m very glad for you, and think you have both chosen wisely.

F.(slyly glancing at his companion). Perhaps you wouldn’t think it, but Annie offered to pay me for doing it.

A.(with mock indignation). Why, Franklin Forrester!

F.Didn’t you offer me a penny for my thoughts? And haven’t I been thinking of this very thing for the last three months? (Turning toMrs. L.) But I indignantly refused to receive the money.

Mrs. L.(benignantly). Don’t be foolish, children. Come out now—supper is ready.

(Exit,Mrs. L.,R.)

F.(gently detainingAnnie, who is about to follow her aunt).—Wait a moment, Annie, I have a disclosure to make. My name is not Frank Forrester, but Franklin Webster.

A.What! Benjamin Franklin Webster, who lives on Marlborough street?

F.Yes.

A.Then you are the Mr. Webster that I have heard Edwin Aldrich speak of.

F.(surprised). Are you acquainted with him?

A.Oh, yes, he’s my cousin.

F.Your cousin? The young reprobate! Excuse me, but he was the very person who suggested the idea of my coming here. I believe he planned the whole affair.

A.I think you are mistaken there; for Uncle William had no thought of hiring another person till he saw your advertisement.

F.Well, of course Ed knew about it when he saw Mr. Leighton’s letter in reply to the advertisement. But, as I was saying, I had the misfortune to lose my parents when quite young, and thereby became heir to a large amount of property. As I grew up to manhood, my society was sought after by all the marriageable young ladies and managing mammas. I determined to find someone who would love me for myself alone; so I came out here, and found my wishes realized. Can you forgive me, Annie?

A.What! for coming out here, and wishing to marry me? Yes, I’ll try to. But (archly) I, too, have a confession to make. I also am possessed of property, and came out here to Uncle William for the self-same reason that you did. But I didn’t change my name. I lived on the street beyond you, in the city. But it seems we were obliged to go a hundred miles from home to become acquainted.

(EdwinentersR.,FrankandAnniestart up in surprise.)

Edwin.Look here, supper’s been ready this half hour, and the biscuits are nearly cold already.

A.(interrupting). Why, Cousin Ed, when did you arrive?

F.Look here, you villain! You planned this affair!

E.(striking an attitude and speaking in a melancholy tone). He calls me a villain for being the means of making him happy. Annie, if I were you, I’d release him from the engagement at once.

A.(smiling). Come, Edwin, you haven’t told me when you arrived.

E.I have been here two hours.

F.(in a comico-threatening manner). Tell me, sir, did you not plan this whole affair?

E.(more seriously). No, I knew nothing of it till I read the letter in reply to the advertisement. I then recognized the handwriting, and in that way discovered that Annie was stopping here. I felt sure that you would be pleased with one another, and would both pass a pleasant summer, if nothing more came of it. Yesterday was the first day of my vacation, and I thought it time to be looking after you. But aunt tells me you are engaged.

F.Yes, and I feel amply repaid for coming so far, and for working three months on a farm, in order to secure a wife to my mind. If any of my friends in the city are troubled in the same way that I was, I shall recommendto them to try my remedy, trusting it may produce the same gratifying results.

E.And in that way I suppose they may expect to get a good knowledge of “Practical Husbandry.”

(All three bow, and Curtain falls.)

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