Nay, men may feel passion of other sort,Love of a just, chaste, virtuous mind and soul.
Nay, men may feel passion of other sort,Love of a just, chaste, virtuous mind and soul.
Nay, men may feel passion of other sort,Love of a just, chaste, virtuous mind and soul.
Nay, men may feel passion of other sort,
Love of a just, chaste, virtuous mind and soul.
Nor must we omit the saying of Plato, partly serious and partly humorous, that those who have shown special excellence should have the right to kiss any beautiful person they choose. The proper course is to drive away those who are enamoured of the person, but, generally speaking, give a sanction to those who are in love with the mind and soul. While we must have nothing to say to the connexions in vogue at Thebes or in Elis, or to theso-called ‘abduction’ of Crete, we may well imitate that kind|12|which is usual at Athens or in Lacedaemon.
On this matter it is for every man to hold such convictions as he has formed for himself. I will now leave it, and, having spoken of the discipline and good behaviour of the boy, will pass on to deal with the age of adolescence. I shall do so in very few words, for I have often expressed my disapproval of those who encourage vicious habits by proposing to put a boy under the charge of tutors and teachers, whereas, with a stripling, they would permit his inclinations to range at will. As a matter of|B|fact, there is need of more anxious precautions in the case of the stripling than in that of the boy. Every one is aware that the faults committed by a boy are small matters, which can be cured without difficulty—such as paying no heed to his tutor, or trickery and inattention in school. But the sins of adolescence often reach a flagrant and shocking pitch—stealing the father’s money, gormandizing, dicing, roistering, drinking, loose passion for young girls, or corruption of married women. The propensities of young manhood ought therefore to be carefully watched and kept closely under the chain. When capacity for|C|pleasure is at its prime, it rejects control, kicks over the traces, and requires the curb. If therefore we do not take a firm hold upon this time of life, we are giving folly a licence to sin. This is the moment when wise fathers should be most watchful and alert; when they should bring their lads within bounds by warnings, threats, or entreaties, and by pointing out instances of disaster caused by devotion to pleasure, and of praise and good repute won by continence. These two things form what may be called first principles of virtue, namely, hope of honour and fear of punishment, the one producing a greater eagerness|D|for the noblest pursuits, the other a shrinking from bad actions.
One general rule of duty is to keep boys from associating with vicious persons; otherwise they will pick up something of theirvice. This has been urged by Pythagoras among a number of dark sayings. Since these also possess great value as aids to the attainment of virtue, I will proceed to quote them, adding their explanation.Do not taste black-tails[59]—keep no company with persons who are malignant and therefore ‘black’.Do not|E|step over a beam—justice must be scrupulously respected and not ‘overstepped’.Do not sit on a quart-measure—beware of idleness, and see to the providing of daily bread.Do not clasp hands with every man—we should form no sudden connexions.Do not wear a tight ring—one should carry out the practice of|*|life, and not fasten it to any chain.Do not poke a fire with iron—do not irritate a wrathful man (the right course being to let angry men go their own way).Do not eat the heart—do not injure|F|the mind with worry and brooding.Abstain from beans—avoid public life (office in former times being determined by voting with beans).Do not put victuals in a chamber-vessel—clever speech ought not to be put into a wicked mind, since speech, which is the food of thought, is polluted by the wickedness in a man.Do not turn back on coming to the border—when about to die, and with the end of life close in sight, behave calmly and without losing heart.
To return to the topic with which we were dealing before this digression. While, as I observed, boys should be kept from every kind of vicious company, especially should they be kept|13|from parasites. I venture to repeat here what I am continually urging upon fathers. There is no set of creatures so pernicious—none which so quickly and completely brings youth to headlong destruction—as parasites. They are utter ruin to both father and son, filling the old age of the one and the youth of the other with vexation. To gain their purpose they offer an irresistiblebait in the shape of pleasure. In the case of rich men’s sons, the father preaches sobriety, the parasite drunkenness. The father urges temperance and economy, the parasite profligacy and extravagance. The father says: ‘Be industrious’; the parasite says: ‘Be idle; for life is only a moment altogether.|B|One ought to live, not merely exist. Why trouble about your father’s threats? He is an old driveller with one foot in the coffin, and we will promptly pick him up on our shoulders and carry him off to his grave.’ One person tempts him with a drab, or with the seduction of a married woman, plundering and stripping the father of all the provision for his old age. They are an abominable crew; their friendship is a sham; of candour they have no idea; they toady the rich and despise the poor. They are drawn to young men like puppets on a string; they|*|grin, when those who feed them laugh; they counterfeit the possession of a mind, and give a spurious imitation of details of real life. They live at the rich man’s beck, and though fortune|C|has made them free, their own choice makes them slaves. If they are not insulted, they regard it as an insult, their maintenance in that case being without a motive. If, therefore, a father is concerned for the obedient conduct of his children, he must keep these abominable creatures at a distance. And he must by all means do the same with vicious fellow-pupils, who are capable of corrupting the most moral of natures.
While these principles are right and expedient, I have a word to say upon a human aspect of the matter. I have no desire, all this time, that a father’s disposition should be altogether|D|harsh and unyielding. I would have him frequently condone a fault in his junior and recollect that he was once young himself. The physician mixes his bitter drugs with syrup, and so finds a way to work benefit through the medium of enjoyment. In the same way a father should blend his severe reprimande with kindliness, at one time giving the boy’s desires a loose oreasy rein, at another time tightening it. If possible, he should|E|take misdeeds calmly; failing that, his anger should be seasonable and should quickly cool down. It is better for a father to be sharp-tempered than sullen-tempered; to sulk and bear malice goes far to prove a lack of parental affection. Sometimes, when a fault is committed, it is a good thing to pretend ignorance, turning to advantage the dim sight and defective hearing of old age, and refusing to see or hear certain occurrences which one hears and sees. We put up with the lapses of a friend. Is it strange to do so with those of a child? A slave is often heavy-headed from a debauch, without our taking him to task. The other day you refused the boy money; there are times to meet his requests. The other day you were indignant; there are times to be lenient. Perhaps he has cozened you through a servant;|F|restrain your anger. Has he borrowed the team from the farm? Does he come reeking of yesterday’s bout? Do not notice it. Smelling of perfumes? Say nothing. Such is the way to manage the restiveness of youth.
A son who cannot resist pleasure and is deaf to remonstrance should be put into matrimonial harness, that being the surest way of tying a young man down. The woman who becomes his wife should not, however, be to any great extent his superior either in birth or means.Keep to your own levelis a sound maxim, and a man who marries much above him finds himself,|14|not the husband of the woman, but the slave of the dowry.
A few words more, and I will conclude my list of principles.
Above all things a father should set an example to his children in his own person, by avoiding all faults of commission or omission. His life should be the glass by which they form themselves and are put out of conceit with all ugliness of act or speech. For him to rebuke his erring sons when guilty of the same errors himself, is to become his own accuser while ostensibly theirs. Indeed, if his life is bad, he is disqualified from reprovingeven a slave, much more his son. Moreover, he will naturally|B|become their guide and teacher in wrongdoing. Where there are old men without shame, inevitably there are quite shameless young ones also. To obtain good behaviour from our children we should therefore strive to carry out every moral duty. An example to follow is that of Eurydice, who, though belonging to a thoroughly barbarous country like Illyria, nevertheless took to study and self-improvement late in life for the sake of her children’s education. Her maternal affection finds apt expression in the lines inscribed upon her offering to the Muses:|C|
In that, when mother to grown boys, she wonHer soul’s well-known desire—the skill to useThe lore of letters—this EurydiceFrom Hierapolis sends to each Muse.[60]
In that, when mother to grown boys, she wonHer soul’s well-known desire—the skill to useThe lore of letters—this EurydiceFrom Hierapolis sends to each Muse.[60]
In that, when mother to grown boys, she wonHer soul’s well-known desire—the skill to useThe lore of letters—this EurydiceFrom Hierapolis sends to each Muse.[60]
In that, when mother to grown boys, she won
Her soul’s well-known desire—the skill to use
The lore of letters—this Eurydice
From Hierapolis sends to each Muse.[60]
To compass the whole of the foregoing elements of success is|*|perhaps visionary—a counsel of perfection. But to cultivate the majority of them, though itself requiring good fortune as well as much care, is at any rate a thing within the reach of a human being.