Numb. 1.
WEDNESDAY, April 13. 1681.
Q. WEll! They are so. But do you think now to bring'um to their Wits again with aPamphlet?
A.Come, Come; 'Tis thePressthat has made'umMad, and thePressmust set'umRightagain. The Distemper isEpidemical; and there's no way in the world, but byPrinting, to convey theRemedyto theDisease.
Q. But what is it that you call aRemedy?
A.TheRemovingof theCause. That is to say, theUndeceivingof thePeople: for they are well enough Disposed, of themselves, to be Orderly, and Obedient; if they were not misled byIll Principles, and Hair'd and Juggled out of their Senses with so many FrightfulStoriesandImpostures.
Q. Well! to be Plain and Short; You call your self theObservator:What is it now that you intend for the Subject of yourObservations?
A.Take it in few words then. My business is, to encounter theFaction, and to Vindicate theGovernment; to detect theirForgeries; to lay open the Rankness of theirCalumnies, andMalice; to Refute theirSeditious Doctrines; to expose theirHypocrisy, and thebloudy Designthat is carry'd on, under the Name, and Semblance, ofReligion; And, in short, to lift up the Cloke of theTrue Protestant(as he Christens himself) and to shew the People, theJesuitethat lies skulking under it.
Q. Shall theObservatorbe aWeekly Paper,or How?
A.No, No; but oftner, or seldomer, as I see Occasion.
Q. Pray favour me a word; When you speak of aTrue Protestant,don't you mean aDissenting Protestant?
A.Yes, I do: For yourAssentingandConsenting Protestant(you must know) is aChristian.
Q. And is not aDissenting ProtestantaChristian too?
A.Peradventure, heisone; peradventure,not: For aDissenterhas his Name from hisDisagreement, not from hisPerswasion.
Q. What is a Dissenter then?
A.Tis Impossible to say either what aDissenter IS, or what he isNOT. For he's aNOTHING; that may yet come to beANY thing. He may be aChristian; or he may be aTurk; But you'l find the best account of him in hisName.A DISSENTER, is one that thinks OTHERWISE.That is to say, let theMagistratethink what he pleases, theDissenterwill be sure to be ofanother Opinion. ADissenteris not ofThis, or ofThat, or ofAny Religion; butA Member Politique of an Incorporate Faction: or Otherwise; AProtestant-Fault-Finderin aChristian Commonwealth.
Q. Well! but tho' aDissentermay beany thing;ADissenting Protestantyet tells yewhathe Is.
A.He does so, he tells ye that heisaNegative: anAnti-Protester; One thatProtests AGAINST, but notFORany thing.
Q. Ay; but so long as he opposes theCorruptionsof the Church ofRome.
A.Well: And so he does theRites, andConstitutionsof the Church ofEnglandtoo. As aProtestant, he does theformer; and theOtheras aDissenter.
Q. But is there noUnitingof TheseDissenters?
A.You shall as soon make the Winds blow the same way, from all the Poynts of the Compass.
Q. There areGoodandBad,ofall Opinions,there's no doubt on't: But do you think it fayr, to Condemn awhole Partyfor someIll menin't?
A.No, by no means: ThePartyis neither theWorse, for havingIllmen in it, nor theBetter, forGood. For whatever theMembersare, thePartyis aConfederacy; as being aCombination, against theLaw.
Q. But a man mayMean honestly,and yet perhaps ly under someMistake.Can any man help his Opinion?
A.A man mayMean well, andDo Ill; he may shedInnocent Bloud, andthink he does God good Service. 'Tis True: A man cannot helpThinking; but he may helpDoing: He isExcusablefor aPrivateMistake, forThat'san Error only tohimself; but when it comesonce to anOvert Act, 'tis anUsurpationupon theMagistrate, and there's no Plea for't.
Q. You have no kindnesse, I perceive, for aDissenting Protestant;but what do you think of a bareProtestantwithout anyAdjunct?
A.I do look uponSuchaProtestantto be a kind of anAdjective Noun-Substantive; It requires something to be joyn'd with it, to shew its Signification. ByProtestancyinGeneralis commonly understood aSeparationof Christians from the Communion of the Church ofRome: But toOppose Errors, on theOne hand, is not Sufficient, without keeping our selvesClearof Corruptions, on theOther. Now it was theReformation, not theProtestation, that Settled us upon atrue Mediumbetwixt the twoExtreams.
Q. So that you look upon theProtestation,and theReformation,it seems, as two several things.
A.Very right; But in such a manner only, that theFormer, by Gods Providence, made way for theOther.
Q. But are not allProtestantsMembers of theReformed Religion?
A.Take notice,First, that theNamecame Originally from theProtestationin 1529. against theDecree of Spires; and that theLutheran ProtestantsandOursof the Church ofEngland, are not of theSam Communion. NowSecondly; If you takeProtestantsin theLatitudewith ourDissenters, they are not so much aReligion, as aParty; and whoever takes this Body ofDissentersforMembersof theReformed Religionsets up aReformationof ahundred and fifty Coloursand as may [sic]Heresies. TheAnabaptists, Brownists, Antinomians, Familists, &c.do all of them set up forDissenting Protestants; but God forbid we should ever enter thesePeopleupon the Roll of theReformation.
Q.Well!but what do you think ofProtestant SmithandProtestant Harris?
A.Just as I do ofProtestant Muncer, andProtestant Phifer; a Brace ofProtestantsthat cost the Empire 150000 Lives: and our ownPretended Protestantstoo, of Later Date, have costThis Nation little lesse.
Q. Ay: But these are men of quite another Temper: Do not you see how zealous they are for the Preservation of theKing's Person,theGovernment,and theProtestant Religion?
A.ISeewell enough what theySay, and Iknowwhat theydo. Consider,First, that they are Profess'dAnabaptists: Smithno less then apretended Prophet; and theOther, a kind of aWet Enthusiast. Secondly; 'tis the veryDoctrineof theSectto root outMagistracy, CancelHumane Laws; Kill, and takePossession; andwash their Feet with the Bloud of the Ungodly; and where ever they have set Footing, they havePractic'dwhat theyTaught. Are not these likely men now, to help out aKing, and aReligion, at a dead lift? If you would be further satisfy'd in the Truth of things, readeSleidan, Spanhemius, Gastius, Hortensius, Bullinger, Pontanus, The Dipper dipp'd, Bayly's Disswasive, Pagets Heresiography, &c.Hortensiustells ye, howJack of Leydens Successormurthered his Wife, to make way to his Daughter,P.74. and after that, cut a girls throat, for fear she should tell Tales.Gastiustells us of a Fellow that cut off his brothers Head, as by Impulse, and then cry'd,The Will of God is fulfilled, lib. I. Pa. 12. Jack of Leydenstarted up from Supper,to do some business(he said)which the Father had commanded him, and cut off a Soldiers Head; and afterwards cut off his Wives head in theMarket-place. Sleydans Comment. Lib. 10.
Q. You will not make theProtestant-Mercuryto be anAnabaptisttoo, will ye?
A.If you do make himany thing, I'le make himThat. But in one word, they areFactiousandNecessitous; and consequently, the fittest Instruments in the world, for the Promoting of aSedition. First, as they arePrincipledfor't; and then, in respect of theirCondition; for they are every man of them under the Lash of the Law, and Retainers to Prisons; So that in theirFortunesthey can hardly beworse. Insomuch, that it is a common thing for them to lend a Name to the countenancing of a Libel which no body else dares own.
Q. Well! but let them be aspoor,andmaliciousasDevils,so long as they have neitherBrains,norInterest,what hurt can their Papers do?
A.The Intelligences, you must know, that bear theirNames, are not oftheir Composing, but the Dictates of aFaction, and the Venom of a Club ofCommon-wealths-meninstill'd into those Papers.
Q. These areWords,all this while, withoutProofs;Can you shew us particularly where the Venom lies?
A.It is the business of every Sheet they Publish, to Affront theGovernment, theKings Authority, andAdministration; thePrivy-Council; theChurch, Bench, Juries, Witnesses; AllOfficers, Ecclesiastical, Military, andCivil: and no matter forTruthorHonesty, when aForg'd Relationwill serve their turn. 'Tis a common thing with them, to get half a dozenSchismaticallHands to aPetition, orAddressin a corner, and then call it, the sense of the Nation: and when all's done, they are not above twenty Persons, that make all this Clutter in the Kingdom.
Q. But to what End do they all this?
A.To make the GovernmentOdious, andContemptible; to magnifie their own Party; and fright the People out of theirAllegeance, byCounterfeit Letters, Reports, andfalse Musters, as if the sober and considerable part of the Nation were all on their side.
Q. We are in Common Charity toallow,forErrors,andMis-reports,and not presently to make an Act ofMalice,andDesign,out of everyMistake.Can you shew me any of theseCounterfeits,andImposturesthat you speak of? TheseCheatsupon thePeople,andAffrontsupon theGovernment?
A.Yes, yes; Abundantly. And Il'e give you Instances immediately upon every poynt you'l ask me: Only This note, by the way; That let them bemistakes, orContrivances, or what you will, they all run Unanimouslyagainstthe Government, without so much as one Syllable infavourof it: Which makes the matter desperately suspitious.
Q. Let me see then, in the First place, where anyAffrontis put upon theGovernment.
A. Some Persons(Says Smiths Prot. Int. N. 7.)inNorwich,&c. who have a greater stock ofConfidence,andMalice,thenWisdom,andHonesty,are so far transported withZealto serve theDevil,or hisEmissaryesthePapists,that they are now Prosecuting severalDissenting ProtestantsuponStat. 35. Eliz.&c.(And so the Protestant-Mercury,N.15.)Some People atNorwich,are playing theDevilforGodsake:several honest, peaceable, Protestant Dissenters,having been troubled for not coming toChurch,or having been Present atReligious Meetings &c. Now what greaterAffrontcan there be toGovernment, then This language,First, from anAnabaptistthat is aProfessed Enemytoall Government; andSecondly, from aPrivate Person, Bare-fac'd, to arraign aSolemn Law: ALawof thisAntiquity; aLawofQueen Elizabeth's, (a Princesse so much Celebrated by ourDissenters themselvesfor herPiety, Good Government, andModeration;) aLawwhich, upon Experience, has been found soNecessary, that the bareRelaxingof it, cost theLifeof aPrince, theBloudoftwo or three hundred thousandof hisSubjects, and aTwenty-years-Rebellion? To say nothing of the dangerous Consequence of making itUnsafeforMagistratesto discharge their Dutyes, for fear ofOutrages, andLibells.
Q. Well! but what have you to say now to theKings Authority,hisAdministration,and hisPrivy Council.
A. Smith(in hisVox Populi, P.13.) saith, thatthe King is oblig'd to pass or Confirm those Laws his People shall Chuse, at which rate, if they shall tender him a Bill for theDeposingof himself, he is bound toagreeto't.Secondly, in the same Page,he Denies the Kings Power of Proroguing, or Dissolving Parliaments; which is anEssentialofGovernmentit self, under what Form soever, and he's no longer aKing, without it. And then for hisAdministration, P.1. theAnabaptistcharges upon his Majesty [those many surprizing and astonishing Prorogations, and Dissolutions(as he has worded his Meaning)to be procur'd by the Papists.] And then,P.15. he wounds both theKing, and hisCouncil, at a Blow; in falling uponthose that make the King break his Coronation-Oath; arraigning hisCouncilin theFirstplace, and theKing himselfin theSecond; and that for no less then the breach ofOath, andFaith.——Wee'l talk out the Rest at our next Meeting.
London, Printed forH. Brome, at the Gun in S.PaulsChurch-yard.
Numb.13.
SATURDAY, May 14. 1681.
Q.But which way liesyourHumourthen?
A.My way (you must know) lies more toHistory, andBooks, andPoliticks, andReligion, andsuch as That, But take this along with you too; that I am for turning over ofMen, as well asBooks; for that's the Profitable Study when all's done.
Q. Pre' thee commend me to theCommon Hangmanthen, If He thatturns overthe mostmenbe theGreatest Philosopher.But howturning overofMen?
A.That is to say, IReadThem; IStudythem; I speak ofturning overtheirActions, not theirBodys. And Pray observe mySimile. EveryActionof a mansLiferesemblesa Pagein aBook. D'ye Mark me?
Q.Iwere to Blame else, But what are the Authors that you would recommend to a bodys Reading?
A.Why thereafter as the Subject is, As forHistory; ye haveClarks Lives, andExamples;Lloyd's Memoirs; thePopes Warehouse, &c. ForPoliticks; There's Mr.Baxters Holy Commonwealth, theAssemblys Catechism, The Letter about theBlack Box, &c. ForLaw, ye have Mr.Prinn's Soveraign Power of Parliaments;Smiths Vox Populi, &c. ForMorals, There'sYouth's Behaviour; And then ForDeep Knowledge, ye haveBrightman's Revelations Reveal'd;Lilly's Hieroglyphicks; theNorthern Star,Jonesof theHeart: All Excellent Pieces in their kinds, and not Inferior (perhaps) to any of the Ancients.
Q. I was never so happy as to meet with any of these Authors. But what d'ye think ofCornelius Tacitus?
A.ATalking, Tedious, Empty Fellow.
Q. Well but is notTitus Liviusa pretty GoodHistorian?
A.Ha Ha Ha. That SameTitusis an ErrantPuppy, ADamn'd, Insipid, Lying Coxcomb. Titus Liviusa goodHistoriansayst thou? Why if I had aSchoolboythat writ suchLatinI'de tickle hisTobyfor him.
Q. But what's your Opinion ofCaesars Commentariesthen? I mean, for aNarrative?
A.ANarratived'ye say? Deliver me from suchNarratives! Why 'tis no more to be compar'd to theNarrativesthat are writtennow adays, then anAppleis to anOyster.
Q. But however He was a veryBrave Fellow,was he not?
A.He was anArbitrary, Oppressing, TyrannicalFellow. And then for hisBravery, he did pretty well at the Battel ofLeipsick, and after that, atLepanto; and when you have said that, you have said all.
Q. You have read all these Authors, have you not?
A.Why verily Ihave, and I havenot. They are a company ofLying, Ridiculing Rascals; They do notAFFECTme at all: they are below me, they are not worth my notice.
Q. What would I give to be as well vers'd inHistory,as you are?
A.And that's Impossible, let me tell ye; Utterly Impossible: For I reade just six times as much as any other Man. I have Read moreFolio'sthen everTostatusreadPages. In one Word; I reade as much inone hour, as any other man reads insix.
Q. Why how can that be?
A.Why you must know I have a notable Faculty that way. I read yetwo Pagesat aview: theRight-handPage withone eye, and theLeftwitht'other, and then I carrythree Linesbefore me at a time witheach eye.
Q. But can yeKeepwhat yeReade,at this rate?
A.Iremembersix times more then Ireade; for I supply all that was left out, and yet 'tis a wonderfull thing, I cannot for my heart's blood rememberFaces. I dare swear I have taken one man for another twenty times; but I am altogether forThings, andNotions, d'ye see, and such like;Countenances, let me tell ye, don'tAFFECTme; And yet I have a strange aversion for the two Faces I saw with you t'other day.
Q. What D'ye mean, Kings-manandChurch-man?
A. Devil's-manandDamms-man: A couple ofCanary-Birds, I'le warrant 'em: ButKings-manis better yet thenDuke's-man.
Q. Why do ye talk thus of men of Quality, and Considerable Families?
A.Well! but I may live to see their Honours laid in the dust tho' for all that. Prethee why is notCircingle-man, Lawn-sleeve-man, Mitre-man, as good a name asChurch-man? Pray what Family is this sameChurch-manof, for I know a world of theName? He's of thePrelatical House, I suppose, Is he not?
Q. Well, and is he ever the worse for that?
A.OnlyAntichristis theHeadof theFamily. Come let me talk a little roundly to ye. How many soundProtestant Divinesmay there be of that House now, d'ye think, inEngland, andWales, and the Town ofBerwick upon Tweed? not aboveSix, if I be aChristian, and all the rest areTantivy's, and worshippers of the Beast: But I may live yet to have the scowring of some of their Frocks for 'em.
Q. Prethee when didst thou see Mr.Sancroft?
A.Not a good while; butHarryand I had a Crash t'other day yonder atGreenwich.
Q. What's become ofL'EstrangeI wonder?
A.Who!Towzer?thatImpudent Dog; ThatTory-Rascal; ThatFidling Curr. He's in the Plot withCeliers, and youngTong, as sure as thou'rt alive, and as Rank aPapist(let him swear what he will) as ever Piss't.
Q. But has he not taken theSacramentto thecontrary?
A.APopish Proselyteis no more to be believ'd, upon hisOath, than theDevil himselfif he were to Expound upon theGospel. Why they have Dispensations to swear any thing.
Q. What and continue Papists still?
A.Yes: And go on still with the Hellish Popish Plot, as heartily as ever they did before. Why don't you see how the Toad Brazens it out still that he was not atSomerset-House? tho'PranceandMowbrayswear they saw him there?
Q. Well, But who knows best? HeHimself,or theWitnesses?
A.Not a fart matter; For whether 'twas so or not; It were better Forty such Rogues were Hang'd then one Kings-Evidence Disparag'd.
Q. But did they not swear a little short, think ye?
A.Nay, they might have swornhomer, I must confess.
Q. But now you mind me ofSomerset-House;Do'nt you remember a young Fellow ofCambridgethat Refus'd to receive the Sacrament, because (as he told his Master) he was reconcil'd to the Church, ofRome,and Converted, and Baptiz'd atSomerset-House?This is an old story ye must know. Why might not this beTowzer?
A.Nay as like as not, for theUniversitysare the verySeminarysofPopery, and it will never be well withEnglandtillthose Calvesbe turn'd agrazing.
Q. But is there no believing of aConverted Papistupon hisOath?Why does the Law receive 'em then (upon such and such Certain Tests) forstatutable Protestants?
A.TheLawnever was among 'em asIhave been. There's no such thing (I tell ye) as aConverted Papist, and he shall sooner change hisshape, then hisNature: Kiss a Book, Kiss mine Arse.
Q. Why d'ye talk thus at random?
A.Come, come, theOutlandish Doctorfor my mony: that told one of theMackst'other day in the face of theBench, thathe would let down his Breeches and shite upon him. Plain-dealing's a Jewell.
Q. Thou'rt e'en as busy with aBacksideas aGlyster-Pipe.But (sluttery a part) Pray have a care what ye say; for if aProselyted Papistbe not to be trusted upon hisOath,what becomes of theKings Evidencethatswearunder thesame Circumstances?But here's enough of this; and Pre'thee tell us now, how go squares in theStateall this while?
A.Oh very bad, very bad, nothing butTory-Rorys, from top to bottom.Tory-Judges; Tory-Jurys; Tory-Justices; Tory-Officers; Tory-Crackfarts; Tory-Pamphlets. All,Certiorari-men, andYorkists. But I rattled up some of 'em there at the——What d'ye call't-House——Oh they'r grown strangely Insolent since these Bawling Addresses.
Q. Why what do they do?
A.Why they set everyRascally SquireandDoctor aboveme: Nay, they'l scarce put off their hats to me unless I begin; and then they stand grinning at Me and my Train. Would you think now that a fellowshould have the Impudence to call Me to an account, for nothing in the world, but saying, thathe hada Bitchto hisWife,andsheaRogueto herHusband. And then to be call'dSirrahfor my pains, only for telling aCourt-Kinsmanof his thatI should Lace the Rogue, his Cozens Coat for him. Well If I had not sent a Fool o'my errant I had had the Rascal inLob'sPound before this time.
Q. And how came ye to miss?
A.Why the Agent that I employ'd was so set upon his Guts, that he never minded the discourse at the Table. We had had him else. Or if he could but have got him to ha' met me, we'd ha' done his business.
Q. But d'ye take this to be fair dealing now; to set any man at work to betray his Host; or to give such language to people of Condition?
A.What not when theProtestant Religionlies atstake? Why Pre'thee I tell the Proudest of 'em all to their Teeth, that they areVillainsandScoundrells. What do I care for theirGracesandReverences, theyPimpforPreferment, and some of 'em shall hear on't toonext Parliament. But Hark ye I have a great deal of work upon my hands, and I want anAmmanuensisout of all Cry.
Q. Why ye had a Pretty Fellow to'ther day, what's become of him?
A.I'l tell ye then. ATaylorhad made him aGarment: and afterwards coming to him for themony, he deny'd the Receit on't and being prest upon it, he offer'd to purge himself uponOath, that he never had any such Garment. Upon this, the matter rested for a while; but at length, it was prov'd where he hadSoldit, and so the Taylor had satisfaction. In short, I turn'd him away apon't, for he is no servant for me that'stakenin a false Oath.
Q. How is it possible for you to go thorough with all your Writing-work?
A.Nay that's true; considering what a deal of other business I have; for really there would be no Justice done, if I did not look afterWitnesses,Jurys, Choice ofCity-Officers, Election ofMembersto serve inParliament, both forTown, andCountry; the disposing ofEcclesiastical Dignitys; theJurisdictionofCourts; theGovernmentofPrisons; theRegulationofMessengers Fees: Inone word, the stress of the whole Government lyes in a manner upon my shoulders; And I am soHarrass'dwith it, that I profess I was e'en thinking, a little before the Meeting of the last Parliament, to lay out a matter ofTwenty or Thirty Thousand Poundupon some Pretty Seat in the Country, and Retire.
Q. Why truly for a man that has seen the world as you have done, what can he do better?
A.Yes, I have seen the world to my Cost. 'Twas a sad thing for me, you must think, that never went to bed in my Mothers House without four or five Servants to wait upon me, (and if I had a mind to aTart, aCustard, or aCheescakeat any time, I had 'em all at command:) to beHackny'd, andJoltedup and down in a Forreign Country like aCommon Body.
Q. But what was it that put you uponTravel?
A.The Desire I had to seeReligions, andFashions: And now it comes in my head. Did you ever see myGrounds and Occasions of the Contempt of the Clergy?
Q. Was That Yours then?
A. Mum; betwixt friends. But I shall have a touch ere long at theCreed-making Rascalthere.
Q. Who's that?Athanasius?
A.The very same. What aDeclarationis there?
Q. But how d'ye like the Kings Declaration?
A. Not at all. Not at all.It runs so much upon theArbitrary, and thePrelatick? Yes, and upon something else too.
Q. Come, 'Faith we should not part with dry lips, What d'ye think of oneRoomernow to the Health of? (Hark, and I'le tell ye.)
A.I'le drink noTraitorsHealth.
Q. Why prethee what isCivilly-Drinkinghis Health, more thenDutifully Prayingfor't?
A.No: I am of the mans mind that said, Ihope the Devil will have him; and if there be any punishment in Hell greater then another, Ihope the Devil will tear his soul to pieces. So Farewell.
Q. What a Blessed sort ofSubjectsandChristiansare these, that value themselves in theOne Capacity,for theirContemptofAuthority:And in theother,for the Zeal of Flying out intoBlasphemys,andExecrations,instead ofPrayers?But what shallIcall this at last? ARomantique,or anHistorical Observator?
London, Printed forJohanna Brome, at the Gun in S.PaulsChurch-yard.
Numb.110
SATURDAY, March 11. 1681.
WHIG.Come; I'le shew ye mystudy, Tory.
TORY.Why you have got a BraveLibraryhere.
Wh.For aChoice Collection, let me tell ye, as any is inChristendom.
To.You have all theGreekandLatin Fathers, I suppose; theCouncells, theSchoolmen, and those People.
Wh.I had'em all; but there's a great deal ofTrash; and so I e'en rid my hands of'em; though some of'em did pretty well too; considering thoseDark Times. Now here can I sit asSnugas aHarein herForm, and Chat away a Winters Evening with aGood Fire, aPipe, and aFriend, and never feel how the time spends.
To.Well! And why should not You and I keep ourConferenceshere too?
Wh.Best of all: There's no body within hearing; and then we have ourBooksandPapersabout us, and all in such Order, that I'le lay my Finger, Blindfold, upon any book you'le call for.
To.But what Subject are they mostly of?
Wh.Matters ofState, History, Travells, The Rights and Power of thePeople, Reformation, Religion, Discipline, Admonitions, Remonstrances, Petitions, Appeals; as ye see'em mark'd upon the Shelves. But all this is nothing, you'l say, when y'ave seen myGallery. Open that same Door before ye.
To.Bless me! What a Treasure's here?
Wh.Look ye now. That side is allNews-Books,andPolitical Divinity.
To.You meanPolemicalDivinity I suppose.
Wh.Ay Ay; 'Tis all one for that. Now all to'ther side isDissenting Protestants; asCartwright, Brown, Barrow, Robinson,Hetherington,Trask, Naylor, Best, Biddle, Muggleton. And here are yourMuncerians, Apostoliques, Separatists, Catharists, Enthusiasts, Adamits, Huttites, Augustinians, Libertines, Georgites, Familists, Ranters Seekers, Sweet-Singers, Antinomians, Arrians, Socinians, Millenaryes, Quakers: And in Two words; all theGodly Party. They make Fourteen Folio's of Catalogue.
To.But ha'ye noManuscripts?
Wh.Yes I have Three cases there beyond the Chimny, that I wou'd not change forBodlies Librarythree times over.
To.What do they treat of?
Wh.Two of 'em are altogether upon theArt of Government, and theThirdis Cramm'd withLampoonandSatyr. You sha'not name me any one Copy that has scap'd me; nor any Exigent of State; but I'le furnish ye out of these Papers with an Expedient for't.
To.And wherein does thisArt of GovernmentConsist?
Wh.InForesight, Experience, Presence of Thought, Prudence of Direction, andVigour of Execution. To be short; Every Motion of theHead, theEye, theHand, theFoot, theBody. Contributes a part to this Great Work.
To.Is it a Science that may be Convey'd byInstruction?
Wh.With as much Ease asFencing, orDancing. There are Three or FourDissenting Academieshere about the Town, where People are taught toNod, Wink, Gape, Cough, Spit; Nay the veryTuningof theirHum'sandHaw's, byRule and Method; when toSmite the Breast, and when toDust the Cushion; when toLeapin thePulpit, and when toSwim; when to beSerene, and when toThunder: Nay theFacesthey are to make at everyPeriod; and the veryMeasureof theirpauses; that theParenthesismay be large enough for theGroans, &Ejaculationsof theSecret onestoPlayin; they are taught to Pray for theKingwithOne ToneandCountenance, and for theParliamentwithanother.
To.I have Observ'd them indeed to Cry with a Loud Voice,Lord! strengthen the Hands of the One, & then to drop the Note into a kinde of a Piping whisper, with aLord! Turn the Heart of the Other; which is as much as to say,Alas! the Poor Gentleman is out of his way, and we must set all hands at work to bring him to comply with hisParliament,though thatHandy work,at last, bring hisRoyall Headto theScaffold.
Wh.If you wou'd not be aRoguenow and tell tales, I could let ye in to the wholePopular Mystery; and shew ye theFolly, and theVanityof any other Claim toSovereign Power. And thenIhave all thePrintsbrought me as soon as ever they come out.
To.Pre'thee let's fall to work then.
Wh.Come, I'le give you a sight of one of myBoxesfirst; but I must be gone in a quarter of an hour upon absolute Necessity.
To.Well! And whether in such hast?
Wh.There's One atNewingtonhas promis'd me anAnswerto theDissenters Sayings; and then I am told of aGodly DivineatClapham, that has aReplyready to theNotes upon College.
To.Let's make the best of our time then. Stay a little; what have we here?
Wh.Every thing isTitled, ye see, ready to your hand; so that you may Pick and Chuse.
To.Let me see then.Pious Frauds; Mentall Reservations; Infallibility of the Assembly; Baxters Saints; Cases of Conscience; Dispensations, Contributions, Maxims, Intelligence, Orders, Committees, Juryes, Caballs, Religion, Property, Demands, Proposals, Grievances, Pretences, Salvo's, Distinctions, Explanations, Projects, Directions, Advices, Resolutions, Invectives, Fictions, Forms of Reproaches, suited toAll Persons, Orders, andQualities; True-Protestant Privileges; TheDoctrineofProbabilityes, andImplicit Obedience.
Wh.Now upon all these Heads, ye haveAuthoritys, Precedents; and all theColours, Arguments, andElucidationsthat the matter will bear.
To.But yourPious Frauds, Mentall Reservations, Infallibility, Dispensations, Salvo's, Distinctions, Probabilityes, Implicit Faith; These are allPopish Points.
Wh.They are so, when they are apply'd to the service of the Church ofRome: but theTrue Protestant-Cause SanctifiesthePrinciple. As there's a great difference betwixt thePopes Excommunicatingof anHereticall Prince; and theGenerall Assemblys Excommunicatingof anAntichristian, Episcopall Prince; betwixt aPopish Gunpowder-Treason, in theCellers, undertheParliament-House; and aGunpowder CommissiontoKillandSlaywithin thewallsof theSame House, above ground; though to Carnal Eyes they may both appeartoCenterin the samePoint: And so in like manner, betwixt aConspiracyofPapiststocut off the King, andSubvert the Government; and aTrue-Protestant-Association, to the verysame Effect: Nay with this Advantage too; that the Latter Propounds the Accomplishing of that, in a matter of amonthorsix weeks, which the Zeal of their Fore-fathers was at leastTen, or adozen years a doing.
To.'Tis a Great Ease for a man to have all these SubjectsCommon-Plac'dto his hand.
Wh.Right. And where you may turn to any thing you have a mind to see, with awet Finger.
To.But Pray'e How do you approve (in many of ourSeisures) of theApplicationofPopish TrinketstoProphane Uses, which were by them Dedicated to the service of aSuperstitious Religion?
Wh.You cannot Imagine, though anEmbroder'd Copemay be anAbomination, what aCordial the Pearlof it is to aTrue-Protestant Professor. Lambs-Wooldrinks no way better then out of aChalice. Or in other Cases; 'Tis but Destroying thePopish Formof anIdolatrous Vessell, and theIntrinsick Valueis never the lessCurrentaccording to theStandardof theReformation. ThePictureof theBlessed Virgin, with ourSaviourin her Arms, is never a jot the worse forsaleto aPainter, for being an object ofIdolatryabout theAltar.
To.And yet I have seen it Committed to theFlames, but it has been an Oversight, betwixt theZealand theIgnoranceof theMagistrate. How manyCurious Crucifixes, andReliques, withDelicate Inlayings, andCarvingshave I seen Expos'd atGilltheConstablesinWestminster; truly, at veryReasonable Rates?
Wh.Not unlikely; but then ye must know, they wereSeiz'dinOne Capacity, andsoldinAnother; for they werevendedin the Contemplation of theWorkmanship, though they weretakenas theFooleriesof aFalse Religion. We have in our days seen theRepresentationof theTrinity, Demolish'd in aChurch-Window, with ExtraordinaryZealandApprobation.
To.Why truly I am as much against the making of anyImageorFigureofGod the Fatherunder theFormof aMan, as any body; forTwenty MistakesandInconvenienciesthat may arise upon the Consideration of such anObject; but I know no hurt in the world inthe Representing of ourSaviourunder aHuman shape; or of theHoly Ghostunder the shadow of aDove: beside that the thing is presum'd to have been done byAuthority; for otherwise, the sameZealthat Destroys but theWindowof theChurch, would not stick at the Destroying perhaps of every thing else that belongs to't. But prethee tell me One thing, suppose theBlessed Trinity, so Represented, should be theSealof anAncientCommunity, orSocietyof men, what's the difference betwixt thatFigure, inGraving, or inNealing; inSilver, or inGlass? Would not you as muchscruplethe putting of thatSealto aLease, as theseeingof thatFigurein aChurch-Window?
Wh.No; by no means; for theOneis Purely aCivil Act; and theOtherhas a Regard toReligious Worship.
To.And yet thisImage, orPretended Resemblance, is thesame thingin theOne, as it is in theOther. Well! I am Extremly pleas'd with this Private Corner for Liberty of Discourse.
Wh.Here you may have all thePapersas they come out,Fresh and Fresh: All theArguments, andPolitiquesof theDissenting Party; Chuseyour own Theme, Takeyour own Time, and Treat uponyour own Conditions.
To.That's as fair as any Mortall can wish; So that when the day does not afford other matter to work upon, we may Look a little more narrowly into theMeritsof theCause. And so much for that. But here let me ask ye a Question: Do you know aLittle Cause-Jobberyonder somewhere aboutKings-street, in Covent Garden?
Wh.Does he not use theChristian Coffee-House?
To.The very same. He was saying t'other day thatL'Estrangewas aPensioner of Cromwels; aPapist; and that he durst not bring hisActionagainst any man forCallinghim so: That he was aRogue; aFidler; Liv'd inCovent-Gardena good while, and got hisLivingby hisTrade; And that aMagistrate, not far from that place, wouldJustifyit. The Two first Points, I suppose, will be Disputed in another place: And for theFidler: 'Tis well known thatL'Estrangeliv'd Eight or Nine years in one of thePiazza-Housesthere; and keptServantsthat would have Scorn'd to have Sorted themselves with any thing so mean as thisPaltry Varlet. But to the Business. How far will thePrivilegeof aTrue-Protestant-WhigJustify aVillainin so manyScandalous Lyes?
Wh.So far as theCommon Goodof theCauseis more Valuable then thesingle Creditof aPrivate Person. But what say ye now toCurtis's Advertisement(in his LastMercury) ofTong's Narrative, andCase; concerningL'Estrange, Printed for C W?
To.I say, 'tisfirst, aCheat; for 'tis none ofTong's Writing;2ly, 'TisAnother Cheat; for 'twas Printed forLangley Curtis, with his Name toTongs Appointmentfor the Printing of it: Only he has Fobb'd aNew, and aFalse Title-Pageto't. But what says Mr.Oates, all this while, toL'Estranges EnformationagainstTonge, in theShammer Shamm'd? where that young Fellow has the Impudence to declare under his hand, the veryFoundationofOates'sPlot to be aCheat: AndI appeal to all Good Protestants for Justice upon that Scandalous Wretch.
Wh.Nay, 'tis a horrible Abuse, and really the man stands in's own light: What was't? 500 or a 1000 Pound that he recover'd of One that did not say the Hundredth part of what this comes to? The Lord Deliver me! I knew the Time when 'twashalf a Hanging-matterto have made the least doubt of any Branch of the Hellish Plot: But for this Audacious Fool to say in Expresse Terms, that [theFour Jesuites Letters,whereinOatespretended was the whole Discovery, wereCounterfeits] is utterly Intolerable. I'le e'en go my ways immediately, and talk with the Doctor about it.
London, Printed forJoanna Brome, at the Gun in S.PaulsChurch-yard.