S.Dro. Right sir, Ile tell you when, and you'll tellme wherefore
Ant. Wherefore? for my dinner: I haue not din'd today
S.Dro. Nor to day here you must not come againewhen you may
Anti. What art thou that keep'st mee out from thehowse I owe?S.Dro. The Porter for this time Sir, and my name isDromio
E.Dro. O villaine, thou hast stolne both mine officeand my name,The one nere got me credit, the other mickle blame:If thou hadst beene Dromio to day in my place,Thou wouldst haue chang'd thy face for a name, or thyname for an asse.
Enter Luce.
Luce. What a coile is there Dromio? who are thoseat the gate?E.Dro. Let my Master in Luce
Luce. Faith no, hee comes too late, and so tell yourMaster
E.Dro. O Lord I must laugh, haue at you with a Prouerbe,Shall I set in my staffe
Luce. Haue at you with another, that's when? canyou tell?S.Dro. If thy name be called Luce, Luce thou hast answer'dhim well
Anti. Doe you heare you minion, you'll let vs in Ihope?Luce. I thought to haue askt you
S.Dro. And you said no
E.Dro. So come helpe, well strooke, there was blow for blow
Anti. Thou baggage let me in
Luce. Can you tell for whose sake?E.Drom. Master, knocke the doore hard
Luce. Let him knocke till it ake
Anti. You'll crie for this minion, if I beat the dooredowne
Luce. What needs all that, and a paire of stocks in thetowne?
Enter Adriana.
Adr. Who is that at the doore y keeps all this noise?S.Dro. By my troth your towne is troubled with vnrulyboies
Anti. Are you there Wife? you might haue comebefore
Adri. Your wife sir knaue? go get you from the dore
E.Dro. If you went in paine Master, this knaue woldgoe sore
Angelo. Heere is neither cheere sir, nor welcome, wewould faine haue either
Baltz. In debating which was best, wee shall partwith neither
E.Dro. They stand at the doore, Master, bid themwelcome hither
Anti. There is something in the winde, that we cannotget in
E.Dro. You would say so Master, if your garmentswere thin.Your cake here is warme within: you stand here in thecold.It would make a man mad as a Bucke to be so boughtand sold
Ant. Go fetch me something, Ile break ope the gate
S.Dro. Breake any breaking here, and Ile breake your knaues pate
E.Dro. A man may breake a word with your sir, and words are but winde: I and breake it in your face, so he break it not behinde
S.Dro. It seemes thou want'st breaking, out vpon theehinde
E.Dro. Here's too much out vpon thee, I pray thee letme in
S.Dro. I, when fowles haue no feathers, and fish haueno fin
Ant. Well, Ile breake in: go borrow me a crow
E.Dro. A crow without feather, Master meane you so;For a fish without a finne, ther's a fowle without a fether,If a crow help vs in sirra, wee'll plucke a crow together
Ant. Go, get thee gon, fetch me an iron Crow
Balth. Haue patience sir, oh let it not be so,Heerein you warre against your reputation,And draw within the compasse of suspectTh' vnuiolated honor of your wife.Once this your long experience of your wisedome,Her sober vertue, yeares, and modestie,Plead on your part some cause to you vnknowne;And doubt not sir, but she will well excuseWhy at this time the dores are made against you.Be rul'd by me, depart in patience,And let vs to the Tyger all to dinner,And about euening come your selfe alone,To know the reason of this strange restraint:If by strong hand you offer to breake inNow in the stirring passage of the day,A vulgar comment will be made of it;And that supposed by the common rowtAgainst your yet vngalled estimation,That may with foule intrusion enter in,And dwell vpon your graue when you are dead;For slander liues vpon succession:For euer hows'd, where it gets possession
Anti. You haue preuail'd, I will depart in quiet,And in despight of mirth meane to be merrie:I know a wench of excellent discourse,Prettie and wittie; wilde, and yet too gentle;There will we dine: this woman that I meaneMy wife (but I protest without desert)Hath oftentimes vpbraided me withall:To her will we to dinner, get you homeAnd fetch the chaine, by this I know 'tis made,Bring it I pray you to the Porpentine,For there's the house: That chaine will I bestow(Be it for nothing but to spight my wife)Vpon mine hostesse there, good sir make haste:Since mine owne doores refuse to entertaine me,Ile knocke else-where, to see if they'll disdaine me
Ang. Ile meet you at that place some houre hence
Anti. Do so, this iest shall cost me some expence.
Exeunt.
Enter Iuliana, with Antipholus of Siracusia.
Iulia. And may it be that you haue quite forgotA husbands office? shall AntipholusEuen in the spring of Loue, thy Loue-springs rot?Shall loue in buildings grow so ruinate?If you did wed my sister for her wealth,Then for her wealths-sake vse her with more kindnesse:Or if you like else-where doe it by stealth,Muffle your false loue with some shew of blindnesse:Let not my sister read it in your eye:Be not thy tongue thy owne shames Orator:Looke sweet, speake faire, become disloyaltie:Apparell vice like vertues harbenger:Beare a faire presence, though your heart be tainted,Teach sinne the carriage of a holy Saint,Be secret false: what need she be acquainted?What simple thiefe brags of his owne attaine?'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed,And let her read it in thy lookes at boord:Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed,Ill deeds is doubled with an euill word:Alas poore women, make vs not beleeue(Being compact of credit) that you loue vs,Though others haue the arme, shew vs the sleeue:We in your motion turne, and you may moue vs.Then gentle brother get you in againe;Comfort my sister, cheere her, call her wise;'Tis holy sport to be a little vaine,When the sweet breath of flatterie conquers strife
S.Anti. Sweete Mistris, what your name is else Iknow not;Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine:Lesse in your knowledge, and your grace you show not,Then our earths wonder, more then earth diuine.Teach me deere creature how to thinke and speake:Lay open to my earthie grosse conceit:Smothred in errors, feeble, shallow, weake,The foulded meaning of your words deceit:Against my soules pure truth, why labour you,To make it wander in an vnknowne field?Are you a god? would you create me new?Transforme me then, and to your powre Ile yeeld.But if that I am I, then well I know,Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,Nor to her bed no homage doe I owe:Farre more, farre more, to you doe I decline:Oh traine me not sweet Mermaide with thy note,To drowne me in thy sister floud of teares:Sing Siren for thy selfe, and I will dote:Spread ore the siluer waues thy golden haires;And as a bud Ile take thee, and there lie:And in that glorious supposition thinke,He gaines by death, that hath such meanes to die:Let Loue, being light, be drowned if she sinke
Luc. What are you mad, that you doe reason so?Ant. Not mad, but mated, how I doe not know
Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eie
Ant. For gazing on your beames faire sun being by
Luc. Gaze when you should, and that will cleere your sight
Ant. As good to winke sweet loue, as looke on night
Luc. Why call you me loue? Call my sister so
Ant. Thy sisters sister
Luc. That's my sister
Ant. No: it is thy selfe, mine owne selfes better part:Mine eies cleere eie, my deere hearts deerer heart;My foode, my fortune, and my sweet hopes aime;My sole earths heauen, and my heauens claime
Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be
Ant. Call thy selfe sister sweet, for I am thee:Thee will I loue, and with thee lead my life;Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife:Giue me thy hand
Luc. Oh soft sir, hold you still:Ile fetch my sister to get her good will.
Enter.
Enter Dromio, Siracusia.
Ant. Why how now Dromio, where run'st thou sofast?S.Dro. Doe you know me sir? Am I Dromio? Am Iyour man? Am I my selfe?Ant. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou artthy selfe
Dro. I am an asse, I am a womans man, and besidesmy selfe
Ant. What womans man? and how besides thyselfe?Dro. Marrie sir, besides my selfe, I am due to a woman:One that claimes me, one that haunts me, one that willhaue me
Anti. What claime laies she to thee? Dro. Marry sir, such claime as you would lay to your horse, and she would haue me as a beast, not that I beeing a beast she would haue me, but that she being a verie beastly creature layes claime to me
Anti. What is she? Dro. A very reuerent body: I such a one, as a man may not speake of, without he say sir reuerence, I haue but leane lucke in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage
Anti. How dost thou meane a fat marriage? Dro. Marry sir, she's the Kitchin wench, & al grease, and I know not what vse to put her too, but to make a Lampe of her, and run from her by her owne light. I warrant, her ragges and the Tallow in them, will burne a Poland Winter: If she liues till doomesday, she'l burne a weeke longer then the whole World
Anti. What complexion is she of?Dro. Swart like my shoo, but her face nothing likeso cleane kept: for why? she sweats a man may goe ouer-shooesin the grime of it
Anti. That's a fault that water will mend
Dro. No sir, 'tis in graine, Noahs flood could notdo it
Anti. What's her name?Dro. Nell Sir: but her name is three quarters, that'san Ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hipto hip
Anti. Then she beares some bredth?Dro. No longer from head to foot, then from hippeto hippe: she is sphericall, like a globe: I could find outCountries in her
Anti. In what part of her body stands Ireland?Dro. Marry sir in her buttockes, I found it out bythe bogges
Ant. Where Scotland?Dro. I found it by the barrennesse, hard in the palmeof the hand
Ant. Where France?Dro. In her forhead, arm'd and reuerted, makingwarre against her heire
Ant. Where England?Dro. I look'd for the chalkle Cliffes, but I could findno whitenesse in them. But I guesse, it stood in her chinby the salt rheume that ranne betweene France, and it
Ant. Where Spaine?Dro. Faith I saw it not: but I felt it hot in her breth
Ant. Where America, the Indies? Dro. Oh sir, vpon her nose, all ore embellished with Rubies, Carbuncles, Saphires, declining their rich Aspect to the hot breath of Spaine, who sent whole Armadoes of Carrects to be ballast at her nose
Anti. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Dro. Oh sir, I did not looke so low. To conclude, this drudge or Diuiner layd claime to mee, call'd mee Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what priuie markes I had about mee, as the marke of my shoulder, the Mole in my necke, the great Wart on my left arme, that I amaz'd ranne from her as a witch. And I thinke, if my brest had not beene made of faith, and my heart of steele, she had transform'd me to a Curtull dog, & made me turne i'th wheele
Anti. Go hie thee presently, post to the rode,And if the winde blow any way from shore,I will not harbour in this Towne to night.If any Barke put forth, come to the Mart,Where I will walke till thou returne to me:If euerie one knowes vs, and we know none,'Tis time I thinke to trudge, packe, and be gone
Dro. As from a Beare a man would run for life,So flie I from her that would be my wife.
Exit
Anti. There's none but Witches do inhabite heere,And therefore 'tis hie time that I were hence:She that doth call me husband, euen my souleDoth for a wife abhorre. But her faire sisterPossest with such a gentle soueraigne grace,Of such inchanting presence and discourse,Hath almost made me Traitor to my selfe:But least my selfe be guilty to selfe wrong,Ile stop mine eares against the Mermaids song.
Enter Angelo with the Chaine.
Ang. Mr Antipholus
Anti. I that's my name
Ang. I know it well sir, loe here's the chaine,I thought to haue tane you at the Porpentine,The chaine vnfinish'd made me stay thus long
Anti. What is your will that I shal do with this?Ang. What please your selfe sir: I haue made it foryou
Anti. Made it for me sir, I bespoke it not
Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twentie times youhaue:Go home with it, and please your Wife withall,And soone at supper time Ile visit you,And then receiue my money for the chaine
Anti. I pray you sir receiue the money now.For feare you ne're see chaine, nor mony more
Ang. You are a merry man sir, fare you well.
Enter.
Ant. What I should thinke of this, I cannot tell:But this I thinke, there's no man is so vaine,That would refuse so faire an offer'd Chaine.I see a man heere needs not liue by shifts,When in the streets he meetes such Golden gifts:Ile to the Mart, and there for Dromio stay,If any ship put out, then straight away.
Enter.
Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.
Enter a Merchant, Goldsmith, and an Officer.
Mar. You know since Pentecost the sum is due,And since I haue not much importun'd you,Nor now I had not, but that I am boundTo Persia, and want Gilders for my voyage:Therefore make present satisfaction,Or Ile attach you by this Officer
Gold. Euen iust the sum that I do owe to you,Is growing to me by Antipholus,And in the instant that I met with you,He had of me a Chaine, at fiue a clockeI shall receiue the money for the same:Pleaseth you walke with me downe to his house,I will discharge my bond, and thanke you too.
Enter Antipholus Ephes.Dromio from the Courtizans.
Offi. That labour may you saue: See where he comes
Ant. While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thouAnd buy a ropes end, that will I bestowAmong my wife, and their confederates,For locking me out of my doores by day:But soft I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone,Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me
Dro. I buy a thousand pound a yeare, I buy a rope.
Exit Dromio
Eph.Ant. A man is well holpe vp that trusts to you,I promised your presence, and the Chaine,But neither Chaine nor Goldsmith came to me:Belike you thought our loue would last too longIf it were chain'd together: and therefore came not
Gold. Sauing your merrie humor: here's the noteHow much your Chaine weighs to the vtmost charect,The finenesse of the Gold, and chargefull fashion,Which doth amount to three odde Duckets moreThen I stand debted to this Gentleman,I pray you see him presently discharg'd,For he is bound to Sea, and stayes but for it
Anti. I am not furnish'd with the present monie:Besides I haue some businesse in the towne,Good Signior take the stranger to my house,And with you take the Chaine, and bid my wifeDisburse the summe, on the receit thereof,Perchance I will be there as soone as you
Gold. Then you will bring the Chaine to her yourselfe
Anti. No beare it with you, least I come not time enough
Gold. Well sir, I will? Haue you the Chaine aboutyou?Ant. And if I haue not sir, I hope you haue:Or else you may returne without your money
Gold. Nay come I pray you sir, giue me the Chaine:Both winde and tide stayes for this Gentleman,And I too blame haue held him heere too long
Anti. Good Lord, you vse this dalliance to excuseYour breach of promise to the Porpentine,I should haue chid you for not bringing it,But like a shrew you first begin to brawle
Mar. The houre steales on, I pray you sir dispatch
Gold. You heare how he importunes me, the Chaine
Ant. Why giue it to my wife, and fetch your mony
Gold. Come, come, you know I gaue it you euen now.Either send the Chaine, or send me by some token
Ant. Fie, now you run this humor out of breath,Come where's the Chaine, I pray you let me see it
Mar. My businesse cannot brooke this dalliance,Good sir say, whe'r you'l answer me, or no:If not, Ile leaue him to the Officer
Ant. I answer you? What should I answer you
Gold. The monie that you owe me for the Chaine
Ant. I owe you none, till I receiue the Chaine
Gold. You know I gaue it you halfe an houre since
Ant. You gaue me none, you wrong mee much tosay so
Gold. You wrong me more sir in denying it.Consider how it stands vpon my credit
Mar. Well Officer, arrest him at my suite
Offi. I do, and charge you in the Dukes name to obeyme
Gold. This touches me in reputation.Either consent to pay this sum for me,Or I attach you by this Officer
Ant. Consent to pay thee that I neuer had:Arrest me foolish fellow if thou dar'st
Gold. Heere is thy fee, arrest him Officer.I would not spare my brother in this case,If he should scorne me so apparantly
Offic. I do arrest you sir, you heare the suite
Ant. I do obey thee, till I giue thee baile.But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as deere,As all the mettall in your shop will answer
Gold. Sir, sir, I shall haue Law in Ephesus,To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio Sira. from the Bay.
Dro. Master, there's a Barke of Epidamium,That staies but till her Owner comes aboord,And then sir she beares away. Our fraughtage sir,I haue conuei'd aboord, and I haue boughtThe Oyle, the Balsamum, and Aqua-vitae.The ship is in her trim, the merrie windeBlowes faire from land: they stay for nought at all,But for their Owner, Master, and your selfe
An. How now? a Madman? Why thou peeuish sheepWhat ship of Epidamium staies for me
S.Dro. A ship you sent me too, to hier waftage
Ant. Thou drunken slaue, I sent thee for a rope,And told thee to what purpose, and what end
S.Dro. You sent me for a ropes end as soone,You sent me to the Bay sir, for a Barke
Ant. I will debate this matter at more leisureAnd teach your eares to list me with more heede:To Adriana Villaine hie thee straight:Giue her this key, and tell her in the DeskeThat's couer'd o're with Turkish Tapistrie,There is a purse of Duckets, let her send it:Tell her, I am arrested in the streete,And that shall baile me: hie thee slaue, be gone,On Officer to prison, till it come.
Exeunt.
S.Dromio. To Adriana, that is where we din'd,Where Dowsabell did claime me for her husband,She is too bigge I hope for me to compasse,Thither I must, although against my will:For seruants must their Masters mindes fulfill.
Exit
Enter Adriana and Luciana.
Adr. Ah Luciana, did he tempt thee so?Might'st thou perceiue austeerely in his eie,That he did plead in earnest, yea or no:Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?What obseruation mad'st thou in this case?Oh, his hearts Meteors tilting in his face
Luc. First he deni'de you had in him no right
Adr. He meant he did me none: the more my spightLuc. Then swore he that he was a stranger heere
Adr. And true he swore, though yet forsworne heewere
Luc. Then pleaded I for you
Adr. And what said he?Luc. That loue I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me
Adr. With what perswasion did he tempt thy loue?Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might moue.First, he did praise my beautie, then my speech
Adr. Did'st speake him faire?Luc. Haue patience I beseech
Adr. I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.My tongue, though not my heart, shall haue his will.He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapelesse euery where:Vicious, vngentle, foolish, blunt, vnkinde,Stigmaticall in making worse in minde
Luc. Who would be iealous then of such a one?No euill lost is wail'd, when it is gone
Adr. Ah but I thinke him better then I say:And yet would herein others eies were worse:Farre from her nest the Lapwing cries away;My heart praies for him, though my tongue doe curse.
Enter S.Dromio.
Dro. Here goe: the deske, the purse, sweet now makehaste
Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath?S.Dro. By running fast
Adr. Where is thy Master Dromio? Is he well?S.Dro. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse then hell:A diuell in an euerlasting garment hath him;On whose hard heart is button'd vp with steele:A Feind, a Fairie, pittilesse and ruffe:A Wolfe, nay worse, a fellow all in buffe:A back friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that counterma[n]dsThe passages of allies, creekes, and narrow lands:A hound that runs Counter, and yet draws drifoot well,One that before the Iudgme[n]t carries poore soules to hel
Adr. Why man, what is the matter?S.Dro. I doe not know the matter, hee is rested onthe case
Adr. What is he arrested? tell me at whose suite? S.Dro. I know not at whose suite he is arested well; but is in a suite of buffe which rested him, that can I tell, will you send him Mistris redemption, the monie in his deske
Adr. Go fetch it Sister: this I wonder at.
Exit Luciana.
Thus he vnknowne to me should be in debt:Tell me, was he arested on a band?S.Dro. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:A chaine, a chaine, doe you not here it ring
Adria. What, the chaine?S.Dro. No, no, the bell, 'tis time that I were gone:It was two ere I left him, and now the clocke strikes one
Adr. The houres come backe, that did I neuer here
S.Dro. Oh yes, if any houre meete a Serieant, a turnesbacke for verie feare
Adri. As if time were in debt: how fondly do'st thoureason?S.Dro. Time is a verie bankerout, and owes more thenhe's worth to season.Nay, he's a theefe too: haue you not heard men say,That time comes stealing on by night and day?If I be in debt and theft, and a Serieant in the way,Hath he not reason to turne backe an houre in a day?
Enter Luciana.
Adr. Go Dromio, there's the monie, beare it straight,And bring thy Master home imediately.Come sister, I am prest downe with conceit:Conceit, my comfort and my iniurie.
Enter.
Enter Antipholus Siracusia.
There's not a man I meete but doth salute meAs if I were their well acquainted friend,And euerie one doth call me by my name:Some tender monie to me, some inuite me;Some other giue me thankes for kindnesses;Some offer me Commodities to buy.Euen now a tailor cal'd me in his shop,And show'd me Silkes that he had bought for me,And therewithall tooke measure of my body.Sure these are but imaginarie wiles,And lapland Sorcerers inhabite here.
Enter Dromio. Sir.
S.Dro. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: what haue you got the picture of old Adam new apparel'd? Ant. What gold is this? What Adam do'st thou meane? S.Dro. Not that Adam that kept the Paradise: but that Adam that keepes the prison; hee that goes in the calues-skin, that was kil'd for the Prodigall: hee that came behinde you sir, like an euill angel, and bid you forsake your libertie
Ant. I vnderstand thee not
S.Dro. No? why 'tis a plaine case: he that went like a Base-Viole in a case of leather; the man sir, that when gentlemen are tired giues them a sob, and rests them: he sir, that takes pittie on decaied men, and giues them suites of durance: he that sets vp his rest to doe more exploits with his Mace, then a Moris Pike
Ant. What thou mean'st an officer? S.Dro. I sir, the Serieant of the Band: he that brings any man to answer it that breakes his Band: one that thinkes a man alwaies going to bed, and saies, God giue you good rest
Ant. Well sir, there rest in your foolerie: Is there any ships puts forth to night? may we be gone? S.Dro. Why sir, I brought you word an houre since, that the Barke Expedition put forth to night, and then were you hindred by the Serieant to tarry for the Hoy Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for to deliuer you
Ant. The fellow is distract, and so am I,And here we wander in illusions:Some blessed power deliuer vs from hence.
Enter a Curtizan.
Cur. Well met, well met, Master Antipholus:I see sir you haue found the Gold-smith now:Is that the chaine you promis'd me to day
Ant. Sathan auoide, I charge thee tempt me not
S.Dro. Master, is this Mistris Sathan?Ant. It is the diuell
S.Dro. Nay, she is worse, she is the diuels dam: And here she comes in the habit of a light wench, and thereof comes, that the wenches say God dam me, That's as much to say, God make me a light wench: It is written, they appeare to men like angels of light, light is an effect of fire, and fire will burne: ergo, light wenches will burne, come not neere her
Cur. Your man and you are maruailous merrie sir.Will you goe with me, wee'll mend our dinner here?S.Dro. Master, if do expect spoon-meate, or bespeakea long spoone
Ant. Why Dromio?S.Dro. Marrie he must haue a long spoone that musteate with the diuell
Ant. Auoid then fiend, what tel'st thou me of supping?Thou art, as you are all a sorceresse:I coniure thee to leaue me, and be gon
Cur. Giue me the ring of mine you had at dinner,Or for my Diamond the Chaine you promis'd,And Ile be gone sir, and not trouble you
S.Dro. Some diuels aske but the parings of ones naile, a rush, a haire, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherriestone: but she more couetous, wold haue a chaine: Master be wise, and if you giue it her, the diuell will shake her Chaine, and fright vs with it
Cur. I pray you sir my Ring, or else the Chaine,I hope you do not meane to cheate me so?Ant. Auant thou witch: Come Dromio let vs go
S.Dro. Flie pride saies the Pea-cocke, Mistris thatyou know.
Enter.
Cur. Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad,Else would he neuer so demeane himselfe,A Ring he hath of mine worth fortie Duckets,And for the same he promis'd me a Chaine,Both one and other he denies me now:The reason that I gather he is mad,Besides this present instance of his rage,Is a mad tale he told to day at dinner,Of his owne doores being shut against his entrance.Belike his wife acquainted with his fits,On purpose shut the doores against his way:My way is now to hie home to his house,And tell his wife, that being Lunaticke,He rush'd into my house, and tooke perforceMy Ring away. This course I fittest choose,For fortie Duckets is too much to loose.
Enter Antipholus Ephes. with a Iailor.
An. Feare me not man, I will not breake away,Ile giue thee ere I leaue thee so much moneyTo warrant thee as I am rested for.My wife is in a wayward moode to day,And will not lightly trust the Messenger,That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her eares.
Enter Dromio Eph. with a ropes end.
Heere comes my Man, I thinke he brings the monie.How now sir? Haue you that I sent you for?E.Dro. Here's that I warrant you will pay them all
Anti. But where's the Money?E.Dro. Why sir, I gaue the Monie for the Rope
Ant. Fiue hundred Duckets villaine for a rope?E.Dro. Ile serue you sir fiue hundred at the rate
Ant. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?E.Dro. To a ropes end sir, and to that end am I return'd
Ant. And to that end sir, I will welcome you
Offi. Good sir be patient
E.Dro. Nay 'tis for me to be patient, I am in aduersitie
Offi. Good now hold thy tongue
E.Dro. Nay, rather perswade him to hold his hands
Anti. Thou whoreson senselesse Villaine
E.Dro. I would I were senselesse sir, that I mightnot feele your blowes
Anti. Thou art sensible in nothing but blowes, andso is an Asse
E.Dro. I am an Asse indeede, you may prooue it by my long eares. I haue serued him from the houre of my Natiuitie to this instant, and haue nothing at his hands for my seruice but blowes. When I am cold, he heates me with beating: when I am warme, he cooles me with beating: I am wak'd with it when I sleepe, rais'd with it when I sit, driuen out of doores with it when I goe from home, welcom'd home with it when I returne, nay I beare it on my shoulders, as a begger woont her brat: and I thinke when he hath lam'd me, I shall begge with it from doore to doore.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtizan, and a Schoolemaster, call'dPinch.
Ant. Come goe along, my wife is comming yonder
E.Dro. Mistris respice finem, respect your end, or rather the prophesie like the Parrat, beware the ropes end
Anti. Wilt thou still talke?
Beats Dro.
Curt. How say you now? Is not your husband mad?Adri. His inciuility confirmes no lesse:Good Doctor Pinch, you are a Coniurer,Establish him in his true sence againe,And I will please you what you will demand
Luc. Alas how fiery, and how sharpe he lookes
Cur. Marke, how he trembles in his extasie
Pinch. Giue me your hand, and let mee feele your pulse
Ant. There is my hand, and let it feele your eare
Pinch. I charge thee Sathan, hous'd within this man,To yeeld possession to my holie praiers,And to thy state of darknesse hie thee straight,I coniure thee by all the Saints in heauen
Anti. Peace doting wizard, peace; I am not mad
Adr. Oh that thou wer't not, poore distressed soule
Anti. You Minion you, are these your Customers?Did this Companion with the saffron faceReuell and feast it at my house to day,Whil'st vpon me the guiltie doores were shut,And I denied to enter in my house
Adr. O husband, God doth know you din'd at homeWhere would you had remain'd vntill this time,Free from these slanders, and this open shame
Anti. Din'd at home? Thou Villaine, what sayestthou?Dro. Sir sooth to say, you did not dine at home
Ant. Were not my doores lockt vp, and I shut out?Dro. Perdie, your doores were lockt, and you shutout
Anti. And did not she her selfe reuile me there?Dro. Sans Fable, she her selfe reuil'd you there
Anti. Did not her Kitchen maide raile, taunt, andscorne me?Dro. Certis she did, the kitchin vestall scorn'd you
Ant. And did not I in rage depart from thence?Dro. In veritie you did, my bones beares witnesse,That since haue felt the vigor of his rage
Adr. Is't good to sooth him in these contraries?Pinch. It is no shame, the fellow finds his vaine,And yeelding to him, humors well his frensie
Ant. Thou hast subborn'd the Goldsmith to arrestmee
Adr. Alas, I sent you Monie to redeeme you,By Dromio heere, who came in hast for it
Dro. Monie by me? Heart and good will you might,But surely Master not a ragge of Monie
Ant. Wentst not thou to her for a purse of Duckets
Adri. He came to me, and I deliuer'd it
Luci. And I am witnesse with her that she did:Dro. God and the Rope-maker beare me witnesse,That I was sent for nothing but a rope
Pinch. Mistris, both Man and Master is possest,I know it by their pale and deadly lookes,They must be bound and laide in some darke roome
Ant. Say wherefore didst thou locke me forth to day,And why dost thou denie the bagge of gold?Adr. I did not gentle husband locke thee forth
Dro. And gentle Mr I receiu'd no gold:But I confesse sir, that we were lock'd out
Adr. Dissembling Villain, thou speak'st false in bothAnt. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,And art confederate with a damned packe,To make a loathsome abiect scorne of me:But with these nailes, Ile plucke out these false eyes,That would behold in me this shamefull sport.
Enter three or foure, and offer to binde him: Hee striues.
Adr. Oh binde him, binde him, let him not comeneere me
Pinch. More company, the fiend is strong within himLuc. Aye me poore man, how pale and wan he looks
Ant. What will you murther me, thou Iailor thou?I am thy prisoner, wilt thou suffer them to make a rescue?Offi. Masters let him go: he is my prisoner, and youshall not haue him
Pinch. Go binde this man, for he is franticke too
Adr. What wilt thou do, thou peeuish Officer?Hast thou delight to see a wretched manDo outrage and displeasure to himselfe?Offi. He is my prisoner, if I let him go,The debt he owes will be requir'd of me
Adr. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee,Beare me forthwith vnto his Creditor,And knowing how the debt growes I will pay it.Good Master Doctor see him safe conuey'dHome to my house, oh most vnhappy day
Ant. Oh most vnhappie strumpet
Dro. Master, I am heere entred in bond for you
Ant. Out on thee Villaine, wherefore dost thou madmee?Dro. Will you be bound for nothing, be mad goodMaster, cry the diuell
Luc. God helpe poore soules, how idlely doe theytalke
Adr. Go beare him hence, sister go you with me:Say now, whose suite is he arrested at?
Exeunt. Manet Offic. Adri. Luci. Courtizan
Off. One Angelo a Goldsmith, do you know him?Adr. I know the man: what is the summe he owes?Off. Two hundred Duckets
Adr. Say, how growes it due
Off. Due for a Chaine your husband had of him
Adr. He did bespeake a Chain for me, but had it not
Cur. When as your husband all in rage to dayCame to my house, and tooke away my Ring,The Ring I saw vpon his finger now,Straight after did I meete him with a Chaine
Adr. It may be so, but I did neuer see it.Come Iailor, bring me where the Goldsmith is,I long to know the truth heereof at large.
Enter Antipholus Siracusia with his Rapier drawne, and DromioSirac.
Luc. God for thy mercy, they are loose againe
Adr. And come with naked swords,Let's call more helpe to haue them bound againe.
Runne all out.
Off. Away, they'l kill vs.
Exeunt. omnes, as fast as may be, frighted.
S.Ant. I see these Witches are affraid of swords
S.Dro. She that would be your wife, now ran fromyou
Ant. Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuffe fromthence:I long that we were safe and sound aboord
Dro. Faith stay heere this night, they will surely do vs no harme: you saw they speake vs faire, giue vs gold: me thinkes they are such a gentle Nation, that but for the Mountaine of mad flesh that claimes mariage of me, I could finde in my heart to stay heere still, and turne Witch
Ant. I will not stay to night for all the Towne,Therefore away, to get our stuffe aboord.
Exeunt.
Actus Quintus. Scoena Prima.
Enter the Merchant and the Goldsmith.
Gold. I am sorry Sir that I haue hindred you,But I protest he had the Chaine of me,Though most dishonestly he doth denie it
Mar. How is the man esteem'd heere in the Citie?Gold. Of very reuerent reputation sir,Of credit infinite, highly belou'd,Second to none that liues heere in the Citie:His word might beare my wealth at any time
Mar. Speake softly, yonder as I thinke he walkes.
Enter Antipholus and Dromio againe.
Gold. 'Tis so: and that selfe chaine about his necke,Which he forswore most monstrously to haue.Good sir draw neere to me, Ile speake to him:Signior Antipholus, I wonder muchThat you would put me to this shame and trouble,And not without some scandall to your selfe,With circumstance and oaths, so to denieThis Chaine, which now you weare so openly.Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,You haue done wrong to this my honest friend,Who but for staying on our Controuersie,Had hoisted saile, and put to sea to day:This Chaine you had of me, can you deny it?Ant. I thinke I had, I neuer did deny it
Mar. Yes that you did sir, and forswore it too
Ant. Who heard me to denie it or forsweare it?Mar. These eares of mine thou knowst did hear thee:Fie on thee wretch, 'tis pitty that thou liu'stTo walke where any honest men resort
Ant. Thou art a Villaine to impeach me thus,Ile proue mine honor, and mine honestieAgainst thee presently, if thou dar'st stand:Mar. I dare and do defie thee for a villaine.
They draw. Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtezan, & others.
Adr. Hold, hurt him not for God sake, he is mad,Some get within him, take his sword away:Binde Dromio too, and beare them to my house
S.Dro. Runne master run, for Gods sake take a house,This is some Priorie, in, or we are spoyl'd.
Exeunt. to the Priorie.
Enter Ladie Abbesse.
Ab. Be quiet people, wherefore throng you hither?Adr. To fetch my poore distracted husband hence,Let vs come in, that we may binde him fast,And beare him home for his recouerie
Gold. I knew he was not in his perfect wits
Mar. I am sorry now that I did draw on him
Ab. How long hath this possession held the man
Adr. This weeke he hath beene heauie, sower sad,And much different from the man he was:But till this afternoone his passionNe're brake into extremity of rage
Ab. Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea,Buried some deere friend, hath not else his eyeStray'd his affection in vnlawfull loue,A sinne preuailing much in youthfull men,Who giue their eies the liberty of gazing.Which of these sorrowes is he subiect too?Adr. To none of these, except it be the last,Namely, some loue that drew him oft from home
Ab. You should for that haue reprehended him
Adr. Why so I did
Ab. I but not rough enough
Adr. As roughly as my modestie would let me
Ab. Haply in priuate
Adr. And in assemblies too
Ab. I, but not enough
Adr. It was the copie of our Conference.In bed he slept not for my vrging it,At boord he fed not for my vrging it:Alone, it was the subiect of my Theame:In company I often glanced it:Still did I tell him, it was vilde and bad
Ab. And thereof came it, that the man was mad.The venome clamors of a iealous woman,Poisons more deadly then a mad dogges tooth.It seemes his sleepes were hindred by thy railing,And thereof comes it that his head is light.Thou saist his meate was sawc'd with thy vpbraidings,Vnquiet meales make ill digestions,Thereof the raging fire of feauer bred,And what's a Feauer, but a fit of madnesse?Thou sayest his sports were hindred by thy bralles.Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensueBut moodie and dull melancholly,Kinsman to grim and comfortlesse dispaire,And at her heeles a huge infectious troopeOf pale distemperatures, and foes to life?In food, in sport, and life-preseruing restTo be disturb'd, would mad or man, or beast:The consequence is then, thy iealous fitsHath scar'd thy husband from the vse of wits
Luc. She neuer reprehended him but mildely,When he demean'd himselfe, rough, rude, and wildly,Why beare you these rebukes, and answer not?Adri. She did betray me to my owne reproofe,Good people enter, and lay hold on him
Ab. No, not a creature enters in my house
Ad. Then let your seruants bring my husband forthAb. Neither: he tooke this place for sanctuary,And it shall priuiledge him from your hands,Till I haue brought him to his wits againe,Or loose my labour in assaying it
Adr. I will attend my husband, be his nurse,Diet his sicknesse, for it is my Office,And will haue no atturney but my selfe,And therefore let me haue him home with me
Ab. Be patient, for I will not let him stirre,Till I haue vs'd the approoued meanes I haue,With wholsome sirrups, drugges, and holy prayersTo make of him a formall man againe:It is a branch and parcell of mine oath,A charitable dutie of my order,Therefore depart, and leaue him heere with me
Adr. I will not hence, and leaue my husband heere:And ill it doth beseeme your holinesseTo separate the husband and the wife
Ab. Be quiet and depart, thou shalt not haue him
Luc. Complaine vnto the Duke of this indignity
Adr. Come go, I will fall prostrate at his feete,And neuer rise vntill my teares and prayersHaue won his grace to come in person hither,And take perforce my husband from the Abbesse
Mar. By this I thinke the Diall points at fiue:Anon I'me sure the Duke himselfe in personComes this way to the melancholly vale;The place of depth, and sorrie execution,Behinde the ditches of the Abbey heere
Gold. Vpon what cause?Mar. To see a reuerent Siracusian Merchant,Who put vnluckily into this BayAgainst the Lawes and Statutes of this Towne,Beheaded publikely for his offence
Gold. See where they come, we wil behold his deathLuc. Kneele to the Duke before he passe the Abbey.
Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and the Merchant of Siracuse bare head, with the Headsman, & other Officers.
Duke. Yet once againe proclaime it publikely,If any friend will pay the summe for him,He shall not die, so much we tender him
Adr. Iustice most sacred Duke against the Abbesse
Duke. She is a vertuous and a reuerend Lady,It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong
Adr. May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husba[n]d,Who I made Lord of me, and all I had,At your important Letters this ill day,A most outragious fit of madnesse tooke him:That desp'rately he hurried through the streete,With him his bondman, all as mad as he,Doing displeasure to the Citizens,By rushing in their houses: bearing thenceRings, Iewels, any thing his rage did like.Once did I get him bound, and sent him home,Whil'st to take order for the wrongs I went,That heere and there his furie had committed,Anon I wot not, by what strong escapeHe broke from those that had the guard of him,And with his mad attendant and himselfe,Each one with irefull passion, with drawne swordsMet vs againe, and madly bent on vsChac'd vs away: till raising of more aideWe came againe to binde them: then they fledInto this Abbey, whether we pursu'd them,And heere the Abbesse shuts the gates on vs,And will not suffer vs to fetch him out,Nor send him forth, that we may beare him hence.Therefore most gracious Duke with thy command,Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for helpe
Duke. Long since thy husband seru'd me in my warsAnd I to thee ingag'd a Princes word,When thou didst make him Master of thy bed,To do him all the grace and good I could.Go some of you, knocke at the Abbey gate,And bid the Lady Abbesse come to me:I will determine this before I stirre.
Enter a Messenger.
Oh Mistris, Mistris, shift and saue your selfe,My Master and his man are both broke loose,Beaten the Maids a-row, and bound the Doctor,Whose beard they haue sindg'd off with brands of fire,And euer as it blaz'd, they threw on himGreat pailes of puddled myre to quench the haire;My Mr preaches patience to him, and the whileHis man with Cizers nickes him like a foole:And sure (vnlesse you send some present helpe)Betweene them they will kill the Coniurer
Adr. Peace foole, thy Master and his man are here,And that is false thou dost report to vs
Mess. Mistris, vpon my life I tel you true,I haue not breath'd almost since I did see it.He cries for you, and vowes if he can take you,To scorch your face, and to disfigure you:
Cry within.
Harke, harke, I heare him Mistris: flie, be gone
Duke. Come stand by me, feare nothing: guard withHalberds
Adr. Ay me, it is my husband: witnesse you,That he is borne about inuisible,Euen now we hous'd him in the Abbey heere.And now he's there, past thought of humane reason.
Enter Antipholus, and E.Dromio of Ephesus.
E.Ant. Iustice most gracious Duke, oh grant me iustice,Euen for the seruice that long since I did thee,When I bestrid thee in the warres, and tookeDeepe scarres to saue thy life; euen for the bloodThat then I lost for thee, now grant me iustice
Mar.Fat. Vnlesse the feare of death doth make medote, I see my sonne Antipholus and Dromio
E.Ant. Iustice (sweet Prince) against y Woman there:She whom thou gau'st to me to be my wife;That hath abused and dishonored me,Euen in the strength and height of iniurie:Beyond imagination is the wrongThat she this day hath shamelesse throwne on me
Duke. Discouer how, and thou shalt finde me iust
E.Ant. This day (great Duke) she shut the dooresvpon me,While she with Harlots feasted in my house
Duke. A greeuous fault: say woman, didst thou so?Adr. No my good Lord. My selfe, he, and my sister,To day did dine together: so befall my soule,As this is false he burthens me withall
Luc. Nere may I looke on day, nor sleepe on night,But she tels to your Highnesse simple truth
Gold. O periur'd woman! They are both forsworne,In this the Madman iustly chargeth them
E.Ant. My Liege, I am aduised what I say,Neither disturbed with the effect of Wine,Nor headie-rash prouoak'd with raging ire,Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner;That Goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,Could witnesse it: for he was with me then,Who parted with me to go fetch a Chaine,Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,Where Balthasar and I did dine together.Our dinner done, and he not comming thither,I went to seeke him. In the street I met him,And in his companie that Gentleman.There did this periur'd Goldsmith sweare me downe,That I this day of him receiu'd the Chaine,Which God he knowes, I saw not. For the which,He did arrest me with an Officer.I did obey, and sent my Pesant homeFor certaine Duckets: he with none return'd.Then fairely I bespoke the OfficerTo go in person with me to my house.By'th' way, we met my wife, her sister, and a rabble moreOf vilde Confederates: Along with themThey brought one Pinch, a hungry leane-fac'd Villaine;A meere Anatomie, a Mountebanke,A thred-bare Iugler, and a Fortune-teller,A needy-hollow-ey'd-sharpe-looking-wretch;A liuing dead man. This pernicious slaue,Forsooth tooke on him as a Coniurer:And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,And with no-face (as 'twere) out-facing me,Cries out, I was possest. Then altogetherThey fell vpon me, bound me, bore me thence,And in a darke and dankish vault at homeThere left me and my man, both bound together,Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,I gain'd my freedome; and immediatelyRan hether to your Grace, whom I beseechTo giue me ample satisfactionFor these deepe shames, and great indignities
Gold. My Lord, in truth, thus far I witnes with him:That he din'd not at home, but was lock'd out
Duke. But had he such a Chaine of thee, or no?Gold. He had my Lord, and when he ran in heere,These people saw the Chaine about his necke
Mar. Besides, I will be sworne these eares of mine,Heard you confesse you had the Chaine of him,After you first forswore it on the Mart,And thereupon I drew my sword on you:And then you fled into this Abbey heere,From whence I thinke you are come by Miracle
E.Ant. I neuer came within these Abbey wals,Nor euer didst thou draw thy sword on me:I neuer saw the Chaine, so helpe me heauen:And this is false you burthen me withall
Duke. Why what an intricate impeach is this?I thinke you all haue drunke of Circes cup:If heere you hous'd him, heere he would haue bin.If he were mad, he would not pleade so coldly:You say he din'd at home, the Goldsmith heereDenies that saying. Sirra, what say you?E.Dro. Sir he din'de with her there, at the Porpentine
Cur. He did, and from my finger snacht that Ring
E.Anti. Tis true (my Liege) this Ring I had of her
Duke. Saw'st thou him enter at the Abbey heere?Curt. As sure (my Liege) as I do see your Grace
Duke. Why this is straunge: Go call the Abbesse hither.I thinke you are all mated, or starke mad.
Exit one to the Abbesse.
Fa. Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:Haply I see a friend will saue my life,And pay the sum that may deliuer me
Duke. Speake freely Siracusian what thou wilt
Fath. Is not your name sir call'd Antipholus?And is not that your bondman Dromio?E.Dro. Within this houre I was his bondman sir,But he I thanke him gnaw'd in two my cords,Now am I Dromio, and his man, vnbound
Fath. I am sure you both of you remember me
Dro. Our selues we do remember sir by you:For lately we were bound as you are now.You are not Pinches patient, are you sir?Father. Why looke you strange on me? you knowme well
E.Ant. I neuer saw you in my life till now
Fa. Oh! griefe hath chang'd me since you saw me last,And carefull houres with times deformed hand,Haue written strange defeatures in my face:But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?Ant. Neither
Fat. Dromio, nor thou?Dro. No trust me sir, nor I
Fa. I am sure thou dost?E.Dromio. I sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoeuera man denies, you are now bound to beleeue him
Fath. Not know my voice, oh times extremityHast thou so crack'd and splitted my poore tongueIn seuen short yeares, that heere my onely sonneKnowes not my feeble key of vntun'd cares?Though now this grained face of mine be hidIn sap-consuming Winters drizled snow,And all the Conduits of my blood froze vp:Yet hath my night of life some memorie:My wasting lampes some fading glimmer left;My dull deafe eares a little vse to heare:All these old witnesses, I cannot erre.Tell me, thou art my sonne Antipholus
Ant. I neuer saw my Father in my life
Fa. But seuen yeares since, in Siracusa boyThou know'st we parted, but perhaps my sonne,Thou sham'st to acknowledge me in miserie
Ant. The Duke, and all that know me in the City,Can witnesse with me that it is not so.I ne're saw Siracusa in my life
Duke. I tell thee Siracusian, twentie yearesHaue I bin Patron to Antipholus,During which time, he ne're saw Siracusa:I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Enter the Abbesse with Antipholus Siracusa, and Dromio Sir.
Abbesse. Most mightie Duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
All gather to see them.
Adr. I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceiue me
Duke. One of these men is genius to the other:And so of these, which is the naturall man,And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?S.Dromio. I Sir am Dromio, command him away
E.Dro. I Sir am Dromio, pray let me stay
S.Ant. Egeon art thou not? or else his ghost
S.Drom. Oh my olde Master, who hath bound himheere?Abb. Who euer bound him, I will lose his bonds,And gaine a husband by his libertie:Speake olde Egeon, if thou bee'st the manThat hadst a wife once call'd Aemilia,That bore thee at a burthen two faire sonnes?Oh if thou bee'st the same Egeon, speake:And speake vnto the same Aemilia
Duke. Why heere begins his Morning storie right:These two Antipholus, these two so like,And these two Dromio's, one in semblance:Besides her vrging of her wracke at sea,These are the parents to these children,Which accidentally are met together
Fa. If I dreame not, thou art Aemilia,If thou art she, tell me, where is that sonneThat floated with thee on the fatall rafte
Abb. By men of Epidamium, he, and I,And the twin Dromio, all were taken vp;But by and by, rude Fishermen of CorinthBy force tooke Dromio, and my sonne from them,And me they left with those of Epidamium.What then became of them, I cannot tell:I, to this fortune that you see mee in
Duke. Antipholus thou cam'st from Corinth first
S.Ant. No sir, not I, I came from Siracuse
Duke. Stay, stand apart, I know not which is which
E.Ant. I came from Corinth my most gracious LordE.Dro. And I with him
E.Ant. Brought to this Town by that most famousWarriour,Duke Menaphon your most renowned Vnckle
Adr. Which of you two did dine with me to day?S.Ant. I, gentle Mistris
Adr. And are not you my husband?E.Ant. No, I say nay to that
S.Ant. And so do I, yet did she call me so:And this faire Gentlewoman her sister heereDid call me brother. What I told you then,I hope I shall haue leisure to make good,If this be not a dreame I see and heare
Goldsmith. That is the Chaine sir, which you had ofmee
S.Ant. I thinke it be sir, I denie it not
E.Ant. And you sir for this Chaine arrested me
Gold. I thinke I did sir, I deny it not
Adr. I sent you monie sir to be your baileBy Dromio, but I thinke he brought it not
E.Dro. No, none by me
S.Ant. This purse of Duckets I receiu'd from you,And Dromio my man did bring them me:I see we still did meete each others man,And I was tane for him, and he for me,And thereupon these errors are arose
E.Ant. These Duckets pawne I for my father heere
Duke. It shall not neede, thy father hath his life
Cur. Sir I must haue that Diamond from you
E.Ant. There take it, and much thanks for my goodcheere
Abb. Renowned Duke, vouchsafe to take the painesTo go with vs into the Abbey heere,And heare at large discoursed all our fortunes,And all that are assembled in this place:That by this simpathized one daies errorHaue suffer'd wrong. Goe, keepe vs companie,And we shall make full satisfaction.Thirtie three yeares haue I but gone in trauaileOf you my sonnes, and till this present houreMy heauie burthen are deliuered:The Duke my husband, and my children both,And you the Kalenders of their Natiuity,Go to a Gossips feast, and go with mee,After so long greefe such Natiuitie
Duke. With all my heart, Ile Gossip at this feast.
Exeunt. omnes. Manet the two Dromio's and two Brothers.