Euan. 'Plesse you from his mercy-sake, all of you
Shal. What? the Sword, and the Word?Doe you study them both, Mr. Parson?Page. And youthfull still, in your doublet and hose,this raw-rumaticke day?Euan. There is reasons, and causes for it
Page. We are come to you, to doe a good office, Mr.Parson
Euan. Fery-well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman; who (be-like) hauing receiued wrong by some person, is at most odds with his owne grauity and patience, that euer you saw
Shal. I haue liued foure-score yeeres, and vpward: I neuer heard a man of his place, grauity, and learning, so wide of his owne respect
Euan. What is he?Page. I thinke you know him: Mr. Doctor Caius therenowned French Physician
Euan. Got's-will, and his passion of my heart: I hadas lief you would tell me of a messe of porredge
Page. Why?Euan. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates andGalen , and hee is a knaue besides: a cowardly knaue, asyou would desires to be acquainted withall
Page. I warrant you, hee's the man should fight withhim
Slen. O sweet Anne Page
Shal. It appeares so by his weapons: keepe them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius
Page. Nay good Mr. Parson, keepe in your weapon
Shal. So doe you, good Mr. Doctor
Host. Disarme them, and let them question: let themkeepe their limbs whole, and hack our English
Cai. I pray you let-a-mee speake a word with youreare; vherefore vill you not meet-a me?Euan. Pray you vse your patience in good time
Cai. By-gar, you are de Coward: de Iack dog: IohnApe
Euan. Pray you let vs not be laughing-stocks to other mens humors: I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: I will knog your Vrinal about your knaues Cogs-combe
Cai. Diable: Iack Rugby: mine Host de Iarteer: haue I not stay for him, to kill him? haue I not at de place I did appoint? Euan. As I am a Christians-soule, now looke you: this is the place appointed, Ile bee iudgement by mine Host of the Garter
Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaule, French & Welch,Soule-Curer, and Body-Curer
Cai. I, dat is very good, excellant
Host. Peace, I say: heare mine Host of the Garter, Am I politicke? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiuell? Shall I loose my Doctor? No, hee giues me the Potions and the Motions. Shall I loose my Parson? my Priest? my Sir Hugh? No, he giues me the Prouerbes, and the No-verbes. Giue me thy hand (Celestiall) so: Boyes of Art, I haue deceiu'd you both: I haue directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skinnes are whole, and let burn'd Sacke be the issue: Come, lay their swords to pawne: Follow me, Lad of peace, follow, follow, follow
Shal. Trust me, a mad Host: follow Gentlemen, follow
Slen. O sweet Anne Page
Cai. Ha' do I perceiue dat? Haue you make-a-de-sot of vs, ha, ha? Eua. This is well, he has made vs his vlowting-stog: I desire you that we may be friends: and let vs knog our praines together to be reuenge on this same scall scuruy-cogging-companion the Host of the Garter
Cai. By gar, with all my heart: he promise to bring me where is Anne Page: by gar he deceiue me too
Euan. Well, I will smite his noddles: pray you follow.
Scena Secunda.
Mist.Page, Robin, Ford, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Euans,Caius.
Mist.Page. Nay keepe your way (little Gallant) you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a Leader: whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your masters heeles? Rob. I had rather (forsooth) go before you like a man, then follow him like a dwarfe
M.Pa. O you are a flattering boy, now I see you'l be a(Courtier
Ford. Well met mistris Page, whether go you
M.Pa. Truly Sir, to see your wife, is she at home?Ford. I, and as idle as she may hang together for wantof company: I thinke if your husbands were dead, youtwo would marry
M.Pa. Be sure of that, two other husbands
Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cocke?M.Pa. I cannot tell what (the dickens) his name is myhusband had him of, what do you cal your Knights name sirrah?Rob. Sir Iohn Falstaffe
Ford. Sir Iohn Falstaffe
M.Pa. He, he, I can neuer hit on's name; there is such aleague betweene my goodman, and he: is your Wife at homeindeed?Ford. Indeed she is
M.Pa. By your leaue sir, I am sicke till I see her
Ford. Has Page any braines? Hath he any eies? Hath he any thinking? Sure they sleepe, he hath no vse of them: why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as easie, as a Canon will shoot point-blanke twelue score: hee peeces out his wiues inclination: he giues her folly motion and aduantage: and now she's going to my wife, & Falstaffes boy with her: A man may heare this showre sing in the winde; and Falstaffes boy with her: good plots, they are laide, and our reuolted wiues share damnation together. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, plucke the borrowed vaile of modestie from the so-seeming Mist[ris]. Page, divulge Page himselfe for a secure and wilfull Acteon, and to these violent proceedings all my neighbors shall cry aime. The clocke giues me my Qu, and my assurance bids me search, there I shall finde Falstaffe: I shall be rather praisd for this, then mock'd, for it is as possitiue, as the earth is firme, that Falstaffe is there: I will go
Shal. Page, &c. Well met Mr Ford
Ford. Trust me, a good knotte; I haue good cheere at home, and I pray you all go with me
Shal. I must excuse my selfe Mr Ford
Slen. And so must I Sir,We haue appointed to dine with Mistris Anne,And I would not breake with her for more monyThen Ile speake of
Shal. We haue linger'd about a match betweene An Page, and my cozen Slender, and this day wee shall haue our answer
Slen. I hope I haue your good will Father Page
Pag. You haue Mr Slender, I stand wholly for you,But my wife (Mr Doctor) is for you altogether
Cai. I be-gar, and de Maid is loue-a-me: my nursh-a-Quicklytell me so mush
Host. What say you to yong Mr Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eies of youth: he writes verses, hee speakes holliday, he smels April and May, he wil carry't, he will carry't, 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't
Page. Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentleman is of no hauing, hee kept companie with the wilde Prince, and Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he knows too much: no, hee shall not knit a knot in his fortunes, with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply: the wealth I haue waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way
Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you goe home with me to dinner: besides your cheere you shall haue sport, I will shew you a monster: Mr Doctor, you shal go, so shall you Mr Page, and you Sir Hugh
Shal. Well, fare you well:We shall haue the freer woing at Mr Pages
Cai. Go home Iohn Rugby, I come anon
Host. Farewell my hearts, I will to my honest KnightFalstaffe, and drinke Canarie with him
Ford. I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe-wine first withhim, Ile make him dance. Will you go Gentles?All. Haue with you, to see this Monster.
Scena Tertia.
Enter M.Ford, M.Page, Seruants, Robin, Falstaffe, Ford, Page,Caius,Euans.
Mist.Ford. What Iohn, what Robert
M.Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket -Mis.Ford. I warrant. What Robin I say
Mis.Page. Come, come, come
Mist.Ford. Heere, set it downe
M.Pag. Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe
M.Ford. Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn & Robert) be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I sodainly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: y done, trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whitsters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddie ditch, close by the Thames side
M.Page. You will do it?M.Ford. I ha told them ouer and ouer, they lacke no direction.Be gone, and come when you are call'd
M.Page. Here comes little Robin
Mist.Ford. How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes with you?Rob. My M[aster]. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore(Mist[ris]. Ford, and requests your company
M.Page. You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs Rob. I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of your being heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerlasting liberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turne me away
Mist.Pag. Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new doublet and hose. Ile go hide me
Mi.Ford. Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: MistrisPage, remember you your Qu
Mist.Pag. I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me
Mist.Ford. Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsome humidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach him to know Turtles from Iayes
Fal. Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Why now let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is the period of my ambition: O this blessed houre
Mist.Ford. O sweet Sir Iohn
Fal. Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist[ris]. Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husband were dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I would make thee my Lady
Mist.Ford. I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee a pittifull Lady
Fal. Let the Court of France shew me such another: I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thou hast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomes the Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetian admittance
Mist.Ford. A plaine Kerchiefe, Sir Iohn:My browes become nothing else, nor that well neither
Fal. Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote, would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semicircled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy foe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it
Mist.Ford. Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me
Fal. What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manie of these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like women in mens apparrell, and smell like Bucklers-berry in simple time: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; and thou deseru'st it
M.Ford. Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M[istris]. Page
Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by the Counter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke of a Lime-kill
Mis.Ford. Well, heauen knowes how I loue you,And you shall one day finde it
Fal. Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it
Mist.Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you doe;Or else I could not be in that minde
Rob. Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page at the doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely, and would needs speake with you presently
Fal. She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behindethe Arras
M.Ford. Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman.Whats the matter? How now?Mist.Page. O mistris Ford what haue you done?You'r sham'd, y'are ouerthrowne, y'are vndone for euer
M.Ford. What's the matter, good mistris Page?M.Page. O weladay, mist[ris]. Ford, hauing an honest manto your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition
M.Ford. What cause of suspition? M.Page. What cause of suspition? Out vpon you: How am I mistooke in you? M.Ford. Why (alas) what's the matter? M.Page. Your husband's comming hether (Woman) with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentleman, that he sayes is heere now in the house; by your consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you are vndone
M.Ford. 'Tis not so, I hope
M.Page. Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue such a man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's comming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for such a one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfe cleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here, conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all your senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell to your good life for euer
M.Ford. What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my deere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much, as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he were out of the house
M.Page. For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, and you had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinke you of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hide him. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is a basket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepe in heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him by your two men to Datchet-Meade
M.Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?Fal. Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:Ile in, Ile in: Follow your friends counsell, Ile in
M.Page. What Sir Iohn Falstaffe? Are these your Letters,Knight?Fal. I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe inheere: ile neuer -M.Page. Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Callyour men (Mist[ris]. Ford.) You dissembling Knight
M.Ford. What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp these cloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Look how you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Datchet mead: quickly, come
Ford. 'Pray you come nere: if I suspect without cause,Why then make sport at me, then let me be your iest,I deserue it: How now? Whether beare you this?Ser. To the Landresse forsooth?M.Ford. Why, what haue you to doe whether theybeare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing
Ford. Buck? I would I could wash my selfe of y Buck: Bucke, bucke, bucke, I bucke: I warrant you Bucke, And of the season too; it shall appeare. Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you my dreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend my Chambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'le vnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, now vncape
Page. Good master Ford, be contented:You wrong your selfe too much
Ford. True (master Page) vp Gentlemen,You shall see sport anon:Follow me Gentlemen
Euans. This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies
Caius. By gar, 'tis no-the fashion of France:It is not iealous in France
Page. Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue ofhis search
Mist.Page. Is there not a double excellency in this?Mist.Ford. I know not which pleases me better,That my husband is deceiued, or Sir Iohn
Mist.Page. What a taking was hee in, when your husband askt who was in the basket? Mist.Ford. I am halfe affraid he will haue neede of washing: so throwing him into the water, will doe him a benefit
Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest rascall: I would all of the same straine, were in the same distresse
Mist.Ford. I thinke my husband hath some speciall suspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him so grosse in his iealousie till now
Mist.Page. I will lay a plot to try that, and wee will yet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute disease will scarse obey this medicine
Mis.Ford. Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist[ris]. Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and giue him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mist.Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to morrow eight a clocke to haue amends
Ford. I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'dof that he could not compasse
Mis.Page. Heard you that?Mis.Ford. You vse me well, M[aster]. Ford? Do you?Ford. I, I do so
M.Ford. Heauen make you better then your thoghtsFord. Amen
Mi.Page. You do your selfe mighty wrong (M[aster]. Ford)Ford. I, I: I must beare it
Eu. If there be any pody in the house, & in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen forgiue my sins at the day of iudgement
Caius. Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies
Page. Fy, fy, M[aster]. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spirit, what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha your distemper in this kind, for y welth of Windsor castle
Ford. 'Tis my fault (M[aster]. Page) I suffer for it
Euans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a o'mans, as I will desires among fiue thousand, and fiue hundred too
Cai. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman
Ford. Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walk in the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter make knowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, come Mi[stris]. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me
Page. Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l mock him: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house to breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I haue a fine Hawke for the bush. Shall it be so: Ford. Any thing
Eu. If there is one, I shall make two in the CompanieCa. If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd
Ford. Pray you go, M[aster]. Page
Eua. I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the lowsie knaue, mine Host
Cai. Dat is good by gar, withall my heart
Eua. A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his mockeries.
Exeunt.
Scoena Quarta.
Enter Fenton, Anne, Page, Shallow, Slender, Quickly, Page,Mist.Page.
Fen. I see I cannot get thy Fathers loue,Therefore no more turne me to him (sweet Nan.)Anne. Alas, how then?Fen. Why thou must be thy selfe.He doth obiect, I am too great of birth,And that my state being gall'd with my expence,I seeke to heale it onely by his wealth.Besides these, other barres he layes before me,My Riots past, my wilde Societies,And tels me 'tis a thing impossibleI should loue thee, but as a property
An. May be he tels you true.No, heauen so speed me in my time to come,Albeit I will confesse, thy Fathers wealthWas the first motiue that I woo'd thee (Anne:)Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more valewThen stampes in Gold, or summes in sealed bagges:And 'tis the very riches of thy selfe,That now I ayme at
An. Gentle M[aster]. Fenton,Yet seeke my Fathers loue, still seeke it sir,If opportunity and humblest suiteCannot attaine it, why then harke you hither
Shal. Breake their talke Mistris Quickly.My Kinsman shall speake for himselfe
Slen. Ile make a shaft or a bolt on't, slid, tis but venturing
Shal. Be not dismaid
Slen. No, she shall not dismay me:I care not for that, but that I am affeard
Qui. Hark ye, M[aster]. Slender would speak a word with youAn. I come to him. This is my Fathers choice:O what a world of vilde ill-fauour'd faultsLookes handsome in three hundred pounds a yeere?Qui. And how do's good Master Fenton?Pray you a word with you
Shal. Shee's comming; to her Coz:O boy, thou hadst a father
Slen. I had a father (M[istris]. An) my vncle can tel you good iests of him: pray you Vncle, tel Mist[ris]. Anne the iest how my Father stole two Geese out of a Pen, good Vnckle
Shal. Mistris Anne, my Cozen loues you
Slen. I that I do, as well as I loue any woman in Glocestershire
Shal. He will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman
Slen. I that I will, come cut and long-taile, vnder thedegree of a Squire
Shal. He will make you a hundred and fiftie poundsioynture
Anne. Good Maister Shallow let him woo for himselfe
Shal. Marrie I thanke you for it: I thanke you for that good comfort: she cals you (Coz) Ile leaue you
Anne. Now Master Slender
Slen. Now good Mistris Anne
Anne. What is your will? Slen. My will? Odd's-hartlings, that's a prettie iest indeede: I ne're made my Will yet (I thanke Heauen:) I am not such a sickely creature, I giue Heauen praise
Anne. I meane (M[aster]. Slender) what wold you with me? Slen. Truely, for mine owne part, I would little or nothing with you: your father and my vncle hath made motions: if it be my lucke, so; if not, happy man bee his dole, they can tell you how things go, better then I can: you may aske your father, heere he comes
Page. Now Mr Slender; Loue him daughter Anne.Why how now? What does Mr Fenten here?You wrong me Sir, thus still to haunt my house.I told you Sir, my daughter is disposd of
Fen. Nay Mr Page, be not impatient
Mist.Page. Good M[aster]. Fenton, come not to my child
Page. She is no match for you
Fen. Sir, will you heare me?Page. No, good M[aster]. Fenton.Come M[aster]. Shallow: Come sonne Slender, in;Knowing my minde, you wrong me (M[aster]. Fenton.)Qui. Speake to Mistris Page
Fen. Good Mist[ris]. Page, for that I loue your daughterIn such a righteous fashion as I do,Perforce, against all checkes, rebukes, and manners,I must aduance the colours of my loue,And not retire. Let me haue your good will
An. Good mother, do not marry me to yond foole
Mist.Page. I meane it not, I seeke you a better husband
Qui. That's my master, M[aster]. Doctor
An. Alas I had rather be set quick i'th earth,And bowl'd to death with Turnips
Mist.Page. Come, trouble not your selfe good M[aster].Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy:My daughter will I question how she loues you,And as I finde her, so am I affected:Till then, farewell Sir, she must needs go in,Her father will be angry
Fen. Farewell gentle Mistris: farewell Nan
Qui. This is my doing now: Nay, saide I, will you cast away your childe on a Foole, and a Physitian: Looke on M[aster]. Fenton, this is my doing
Fen. I thanke thee: and I pray thee once to night,Giue my sweet Nan this Ring: there's for thy paines
Qui. Now heauen send thee good fortune, a kinde heart he hath: a woman would run through fire & water for such a kinde heart. But yet, I would my Maister had Mistris Anne, or I would M[aster]. Slender had her: or (in sooth) I would M[aster]. Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all three, for so I haue promisd, and Ile bee as good as my word, but speciously for M[aster]. Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my two Mistresses: what a beast am I to slacke it.
Exeunt.
Scena Quinta.
Enter Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Quickly, Ford.
Fal. Bardolfe I say
Bar. Heere Sir
Fal. Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't. Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of butchers Offall? and to be throwne in the Thames? Wel, if I be seru'd such another tricke, Ile haue my braines 'tane out and butter'd, and giue them to a dogge for a New-yeares gift. The rogues slighted me into the riuer with as little remorse, as they would haue drown'de a blinde bitches Puppies, fifteene i'th litter: and you may know by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sinking: if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I shold down. I had beene drown'd, but that the shore was sheluy and shallow: a death that I abhorre: for the water swelles a man; and what a thing should I haue beene, when I had beene swel'd? I should haue beene a Mountaine of Mummie
Bar. Here's M[istris]. Quickly Sir to speake with you
Fal. Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thames water: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snowbals, for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in
Bar. Come in woman
Qui. By your leaue: I cry you mercy?Giue your worship good morrow
Fal. Take away these Challices:Go, brew me a pottle of Sacke finely
Bard. With Egges, Sir?Fal. Simple of it selfe: Ile no Pullet-Spersme in mybrewage. How now?Qui. Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M[istris]. Ford
Fal. Mist[ris]. Ford? I haue had Ford enough: I was throwninto the Ford; I haue my belly full of Ford
Qui. Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not her fault: she do's so take on with her men; they mistooke their erection
Fal. So did I mine, to build vpon a foolish Womans promise
Qui. Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yern your heart to see it: her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her, betweene eight and nine: I must carry her word quickely, she'll make you amends I warrant you
Fal. Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde her thinke what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, and then iudge of my merit
Qui. I will tell her
Fal. Do so. Betweene nine and ten saist thou?Qui. Eight and nine Sir
Fal. Well, be gone: I will not misse her
Qui. Peace be with you Sir
Fal. I meruaile I heare not of Mr Broome: he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, heere he comes
Ford. Blesse you Sir
Fal. Now M[aster]. Broome, you come to knowWhat hath past betweene me, and Fords wife
Ford. That indeed (Sir Iohn) is my businesse
Fal. M[aster]. Broome I will not lye to you,I was at her house the houre she appointed me
Ford. And sped you Sir?Fal. Very ill-fauouredly M[aster]. Broome
Ford. How so sir, did she change her determination? Fal. No (M[aster]. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her husband (M[aster]. Broome) dwelling in a continual larum of ielousie, coms me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embrast, kist, protested, & (as it were) spoke the prologue of our Comedy: and at his heeles, a rabble of his companions, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper, and (forsooth) to serch his house for his wiues Loue
Ford. What? While you were there?Fal. While I was there
For. And did he search for you, & could not find you? Fal. You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it, comes in one Mist[ris]. Page, giues intelligence of Fords approch: and in her inuention, and Fords wiues distraction, they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket
Ford. A Buck-basket?Fal. Yes: a Buck-basket: ram'd mee in with fouleShirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasieNapkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankestcompound of villanous smell, that euer offended nostrill
Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome) what I haue sufferd, to bring this woman to euill, for your good: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a couple of Fords knaues, his Hindes, were cald forth by their Mistris, to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to Datchet-lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: met the iealous knaue their Master in the doore; who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their Basket? I quak'd for feare least the Lunatique Knaue would haue search'd it: but Fate (ordaining he should be a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went hee, for a search, and away went I for foule Cloathes: But marke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangs of three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright, to be detected with a iealious rotten Bell-weather: Next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circumference of a Pecke, hilt to point, heele to head. And then to be stopt in like a strong distillation with stinking Cloathes, that fretted in their owne grease: thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of that, that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man of continuall dissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when I was more then halfe stew'd in grease (like a Dutch-dish) to be throwne into the Thames, and coold, glowing-hot, in that serge like a Horse-shoo; thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke of that (Master Broome.) Ford. In good sadnesse Sir, I am sorry, that for my sake you haue sufferd all this. My suite then is desperate: You'll vndertake her no more? Fal. Master Broome: I will be throwne into Etna, as I haue beene into Thames, ere I will leaue her thus; her Husband is this morning gone a Birding: I haue receiued from her another ambassie of meeting: 'twixt eight and nine is the houre (Master Broome.) Ford. 'Tis past eight already Sir
Fal. Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appointment: Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, and you shall know how I speede: and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enioying her: adiew: you shall haue her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shall cuckold Ford
Ford. Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame? doe I sleepe? Master Ford awake, awake Master Ford: ther's a hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this 'tis to be married; this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buckbaskets: Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am: I will now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: hee cannot scape me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee cannot creepe into a halfe-penny purse, nor into a PepperBoxe: But least the Diuell that guides him, should aide him, I will search impossible places: though what I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to make one mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be hornemad.
Exeunt.
Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.
Enter Mistris Page, Quickly, William, Euans.
Mist.Pag. Is he at M[aster]. Fords already think'st thou?Qui. Sure he is by this; or will be presently; buttruely he is very couragious mad, about his throwinginto the water. Mistris Ford desires you to come sodainely
Mist.Pag. Ile be with her by and by: Ile but bring my yong-man here to Schoole: looke where his Master comes; 'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, no Schoole to day? Eua. No: Master Slender is let the Boyes leaue to play
Qui 'Blessing of his heart
Mist.Pag. Sir Hugh, my husband saies my sonne profits nothing in the world at his Booke: I pray you aske him some questions in his Accidence
Eu. Come hither William; hold vp your head; come
Mist.Pag. Come-on Sirha; hold vp your head; answereyour Master, be not afraid
Eua. William, how many Numbers is in Nownes?Will. Two
Qui. Truely, I thought there had bin one Numbermore, because they say od's-Nownes
Eua. Peace, your tatlings. What is (Faire) William?Will. Pulcher
Qu. Powlcats? there are fairer things then Powlcats,sure
Eua. You are a very simplicity o'man: I pray youpeace. What is (Lapis) William?Will. A Stone
Eua. And what is a Stone (William?)Will. A Peeble
Eua. No; it is Lapis: I pray you remember in yourpraine
Will. Lapis
Eua. That is a good William: what is he (William) thatdo's lend Articles
Will. Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune; and bethus declined. Singulariter nominatiuo hic, haec, hoc
Eua. Nominatiuo hig, hag, hog: pray you marke: genitiuohuius: Well: what is your Accusatiue-case?Will. Accusatiuo hinc
Eua. I pray you haue your remembrance (childe) Accusatiuohing, hang, hog
Qu. Hang-hog, is latten for Bacon, I warrant you
Eua. Leaue your prables (o'man) What is the Focatiuecase (William?)Will. O, Vocatiuo, O
Eua. Remember William, Focatiue, is caret
Qu. And that's a good roote
Eua. O'man, forbeare
Mist.Pag. Peace
Eua. What is your Genitiue case plurall (William?)Will. Genitiue case?Eua. I
Will. Genitiue horum, harum, horum
Qu. 'Vengeance of Ginyes case; fie on her; neuer name her (childe) if she be a whore
Eua. For shame o'man
Qu. You doe ill to teach the childe such words: hee teaches him to hic, and to hac; which they'll doe fast enough of themselues, and to call horum; fie vpon you
Euans. O'man, art thou Lunatics? Hast thou no vnderstandings for thy Cases, & the numbers of the Genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures, as I would desires
Mi.Page. Pre'thee hold thy peace
Eu. Shew me now (William) some declensions of yourPronounes
Will. Forsooth, I haue forgot
Eu. It is Qui, que, quod; if you forget your Quies, your Ques, and your Quods, you must be preeches: Goe your waies and play, go
M.Pag. He is a better scholler then I thought he was
Eu. He is a good sprag-memory: Farewel Mis[tris]. Page
Mis.Page. Adieu good Sir Hugh:Get you home boy, Come we stay too long.
Exeunt.
Scena Secunda.
Enter Falstoffe, Mist.Ford, Mist.Page, Seruants, Ford, Page, Caius,Euans,Shallow.
Fal. Mi[stris]. Ford, Your sorrow hath eaten vp my sufferance; I see you are obsequious in your loue, and I professe requitall to a haires bredth, not onely Mist[ris]. Ford, in the simple office of loue, but in all the accustrement, complement, and ceremony of it: But are you sure of your husband now? Mis.Ford. Hee's a birding (sweet Sir Iohn.) Mis.Page. What hoa, gossip Ford: what hoa
Mis.Ford. Step into th' chamber, Sir Iohn
Mis.Page. How now (sweete heart) whose at homebesides your selfe?Mis.Ford. Why none but mine owne people
Mis.Page. Indeed?Mis.Ford. No certainly: Speake louder
Mist.Pag. Truly, I am so glad you haue no body here
Mist.Ford. Why? Mis.Page. Why woman, your husband is in his olde lines againe: he so takes on yonder with my husband, so railes against all married mankinde; so curses all Eues daughters, of what complexion soeuer; and so buffettes himselfe on the for-head: crying peere-out, peere-out, that any madnesse I euer yet beheld, seem'd but tamenesse, ciuility, and patience to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat Knight is not heere
Mist.Ford. Why, do's he talke of him? Mist.Page. Of none but him, and sweares he was caried out the last time hee search'd for him, in a Basket: Protests to my husband he is now heere, & hath drawne him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspition: But I am glad the Knight is not heere; now he shall see his owne foolerie
Mist.Ford. How neere is he Mistris Page?Mist.Pag. Hard by, at street end; he wil be here anon
Mist.Ford. I am vndone, the Knight is heere
Mist.Page. Why then you are vtterly sham'd, & hee's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him: Better shame, then murther
Mist.Ford. Which way should he go? How should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket againe? Fal. No, Ile come no more i'th Basket: May I not go out ere he come? Mist.Page. Alas: three of Mr. Fords brothers watch the doore with Pistols, that none shall issue out: otherwise you might slip away ere hee came: But what make you heere? Fal. What shall I do? Ile creepe vp into the chimney
Mist.Ford. There they alwaies vse to discharge theirBirding-peeces: creepe into the Kill-hole
Fal. Where is it? Mist.Ford. He will seeke there on my word: Neyther Presse, Coffer, Chest, Trunke, Well, Vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his Note: There is no hiding you in the house
Fal. Ile go out then
Mist.Ford. If you goe out in your owne semblance,you die Sir Iohn, vnlesse you go out disguis'd
Mist.Ford. How might we disguise him?Mist.Page. Alas the day I know not, there is no womansgowne bigge enough for him: otherwise he mightput on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchiefe, and so escape
Fal. Good hearts, deuise something: any extremitie,rather then a mischiefe
Mist.Ford. My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brainford,has a gowne aboue
Mist.Page. On my word it will serue him: shee's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: run vp Sir Iohn
Mist.Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir Iohn: Mistris Page andI will looke some linnen for your head
Mist.Page. Quicke, quicke, wee'le come dresse youstraight: put on the gowne the while
Mist.Ford. I would my husband would meete him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford; he sweares she's a witch, forbad her my house, and hath threatned to beate her
Mist.Page. Heauen guide him to thy husbands cudgell:and the diuell guide his cudgell afterwards
Mist.Ford. But is my husband comming?Mist.Page. I in good sadnesse is he, and talkes of thebasket too, howsoeuer he hath had intelligence
Mist.Ford. Wee'l try that: for Ile appoint my men to carry the basket againe, to meete him at the doore with it, as they did last time
Mist.Page. Nay, but hee'l be heere presently: let's go dresse him like the witch of Brainford
Mist.Ford. Ile first direct my men, what they shall doe with the basket: Goe vp, Ile bring linnen for him straight
Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest Varlet,We cannot misuse enough:We'll leaue a proofe by that which we will doo,Wiues may be merry, and yet honest too:We do not acte that often, iest, and laugh,'Tis old, but true, Still Swine eats all the draugh
Mist.Ford. Go Sirs, take the basket againe on your shoulders: your Master is hard at doore: if hee bid you set it downe, obey him: quickly, dispatch
1 Ser. Come, come, take it vp
2 Ser. Pray heauen it be not full of Knight againe
1 Ser. I hope not, I had liefe as beare so much lead
Ford. I, but if it proue true (Mr. Page) haue you any way then to vnfoole me againe. Set downe the basket villaine: some body call my wife: Youth in a basket: Oh you Panderly Rascals, there's a knot: a gin, a packe, a conspiracie against me: Now shall the diuel be sham'd. What wife I say: Come, come forth: behold what honest cloathes you send forth to bleaching
Page. Why, this passes M[aster]. Ford: you are not to goeloose any longer, you must be pinnion'd
Euans. Why, this is Lunaticks: this is madde, as amad dogge
Shall. Indeed M[aster]. Ford, this is not well indeed
Ford. So say I too Sir, come hither Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the vertuous creature, that hath the iealious foole to her husband: I suspect without cause (Mistris) do I? Mist.Ford. Heauen be my witnesse you doe, if you suspect me in any dishonesty
Ford. Well said Brazon-face, hold it out: Come forth sirrah
Page. This passes
Mist.Ford. Are you not asham'd, let the cloths alone
Ford. I shall finde you anon
Eua. 'Tis vnreasonable; will you take vp your wiues cloathes? Come, away
Ford. Empty the basket I say
M.Ford. Why man, why? Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conuay'd out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may not he be there againe, in my house I am sure he is: my Intelligence is true, my iealousie is reasonable, pluck me out all the linnen
Mist.Ford. If you find a man there, he shall dye a Fleas death
Page. Heer's no man
Shal. By my fidelity this is not well Mr. Ford: Thiswrongs you
Euans. Mr Ford, you must pray, and not follow theimaginations of your owne heart: this is iealousies
Ford. Well, hee's not heere I seeke for
Page. No, nor no where else but in your braine
Ford. Helpe to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seeke, shew no colour for my extremity: Let me for euer be your Table-sport: Let them say of me, as iealous as Ford, that search'd a hollow Wall-nut for his wiues Lemman. Satisfie me once more, once more serch with me
M.Ford. What hoa (Mistris Page,) come you and the old woman downe: my husband will come into the Chamber
Ford. Old woman? what old womans that?M.Ford. Why it is my maids Aunt of Brainford
Ford. A witch, a Queane, an olde couzening queane: Haue I not forbid her my house. She comes of errands do's she? We are simple men, wee doe not know what's brought to passe vnder the profession of Fortune-telling. She workes by Charmes, by Spels, by th' Figure, & such dawbry as this is, beyond our Element: wee know nothing. Come downe you Witch, you Hagge you, come downe I say
Mist.Ford. Nay, good sweet husband, good Gentlemen,let him strike the old woman
Mist.Page. Come mother Prat, Come giue me yourhand
Ford. Ile Prat-her: Out of my doore, you Witch, you Ragge, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion, out, out: Ile coniure you, Ile fortune-tell you
Mist.Page. Are you not asham'd?I thinke you haue kill'd the poore woman
Mist.Ford. Nay he will do it, 'tis a goodly creditefor you
Ford. Hang her witch
Eua. By yea, and no, I thinke the o'man is a witch indeede: I like not when a o'man has a great peard; I spie a great peard vnder his muffler
Ford. Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you follow: see but the issue of my iealousie: If I cry out thus vpon no traile, neuer trust me when I open againe
Page. Let's obey his humour a little further:Come Gentlemen
Mist.Page. Trust me he beate him most pittifully
Mist.Ford. Nay by th' Masse that he did not: he beatehim most vnpittifully, me thought
Mist.Page. Ile haue the cudgell hallow'd, and hungore the Altar, it hath done meritorious seruice
Mist.Ford. What thinke you? May we with the warrant of woman-hood, and the witnesse of a good conscience, pursue him with any further reuenge? M.Page. The spirit of wantonnesse is sure scar'd out of him, if the diuell haue him not in fee-simple, with fine and recouery, he will neuer (I thinke) in the way of waste, attempt vs againe
Mist.Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how wee haue seru'd him? Mist.Page. Yes, by all meanes: if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husbands braines: if they can find in their hearts, the poore vnuertuous fat Knight shall be any further afflicted, wee two will still bee the ministers
Mist.Ford. Ile warrant, they'l haue him publiquely sham'd, and me thinkes there would be no period to the iest, should he not be publikely sham'd
Mist.Page. Come, to the Forge with it, then shape it:I would not haue things coole.
Exeunt.
Scena Tertia.
Enter Host and Bardolfe.
Bar. Sir, the Germane desires to haue three of your horses: the Duke himselfe will be to morrow at Court, and they are going to meet him
Host. What Duke should that be comes so secretly?I heare not of him in the Court: let mee speake with theGentlemen, they speake English?Bar. I Sir? Ile call him to you
Host. They shall haue my horses, but Ile make them pay: Ile sauce them, they haue had my houses a week at commaund: I haue turn'd away my other guests, they must come off, Ile sawce them, come.
Exeunt.
Scena Quarta.
Enter Page, Ford, Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, and Euans.
Eua. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a o'man as euerI did looke vpon
Page. And did he send you both these Letters at aninstant?Mist.Page. Within a quarter of an houre
Ford. Pardon me (wife) henceforth do what y wilt:I rather will suspect the Sunne with gold,Then thee with wantonnes: Now doth thy honor stand(In him that was of late an Heretike)As firme as faith
Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well, no more:Be not as extreme in submission, as in offence,But let our plot go forward: Let our wiuesYet once againe (to make vs publike sport)Appoint a meeting with this old fat-fellow,Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it
Ford. There is no better way then that they spoke of
Page. How? to send him word they'll meete him in the Parke at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll neuer come
Eu. You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: and has bin greeuously peaten, as an old o'man: me-thinkes there should be terrors in him, that he should not come: Me-thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee shall haue no desires
Page. So thinke I too
M.Ford. Deuise but how you'l vse him whe[n] he comes,And let vs two deuise to bring him thether
Mis.Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne theHunter (sometime a keeper heere in Windsor Forrest)Doth all the winter time, at still midnightWalke round about an Oake, with great rag'd-hornes,And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,And make milch-kine yeeld blood, and shakes a chaineIn a most hideous and dreadfull manner.You haue heard of such a Spirit, and well you knowThe superstitious idle-headed-EldReceiu'd, and did deliuer to our ageThis tale of Herne the Hunter, for a truth
Page. Why yet there want not many that do feareIn deepe of night to walke by this Hernes Oake:But what of this?Mist.Ford. Marry this is our deuise,That Falstaffe at that Oake shall meete with vs
Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,And in this shape, when you haue brought him thether,What shall be done with him? What is your plot?Mist.Pa. That likewise haue we thoght vpon: & thus:Nan Page (my daughter) and my little sonne,And three or foure more of their growth, wee'l dresseLike Vrchins, Ouphes, and Fairies, greene and white,With rounds of waxen Tapers on their heads,And rattles in their hands; vpon a sodaine,As Falstaffe, she, and I, are newly met,Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at onceWith some diffused song: Vpon their sightWe two, in great amazednesse will flye:Then let them all encircle him about,And Fairy-like to pinch the vncleane Knight;And aske him why that houre of Fairy Reuell,In their so sacred pathes, he dares to treadIn shape prophane
Ford. And till he tell the truth,Let the supposed Fairies pinch him, sound,And burne him with their Tapers
Mist.Page. The truth being knowne,We'll all present our selues; dis-horne the spirit,And mocke him home to Windsor
Ford. The children mustBe practis'd well to this, or they'll neu'r doo't
Eua. I will teach the children their behauiours: and I will be like a Iacke-an-Apes also, to burne the Knight with my Taber
Ford. That will be excellent,Ile go buy them vizards
Mist.Page. My Nan shall be the Queene of all theFairies, finely attired in a robe of white
Page. That silke will I go buy, and in that timeShall M[aster]. Slender steale my Nan away,And marry her at Eaton: go, send to Falstaffe straight
Ford. Nay, Ile to him againe in name of Broome,Hee'l tell me all his purpose: sure hee'l come
Mist.Page. Feare not you that: Go get vs propertiesAnd tricking for our Fayries
Euans. Let vs about it,It is admirable pleasures, and ferry honest knaueries
Mis.Page. Go Mist[ris]. Ford,Send quickly to Sir Iohn, to know his minde:Ile to the Doctor, he hath my good will,And none but he to marry with Nan Page:That Slender (though well landed) is an Ideot:And he, my husband best of all affects:The Doctor is well monied, and his friendsPotent at Court: he, none but he shall haue her,Though twenty thousand worthier come to craue her.
Scena Quinta.
Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans, Caius, Quickly.
Host. What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick skin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke, snap
Simp. Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Falstaffe from M[aster]. Slender
Host. There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about with the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock and call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto thee: Knocke I say
Simp. There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp into his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come downe: I come to speake with her indeed
Host. Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thyLungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thineEphesian cals
Fal. How now, mine Host? Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming downe of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) let her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priuacy? Fie
Fal. There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euen now with me, but she's gone
Simp. Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of Brainford? Fal. I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you with her? Simp. My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her seeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whether one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had the chaine, or no
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it
Sim. And what sayes she, I pray Sir?Fal. Marry shee sayes, that the very same man thatbeguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it
Simp. I would I could haue spoken with the Woman her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with her too, from him
Fal. What are they? let vs know
Host. I: come: quicke
Fal. I may not conceale them (Sir.)Host. Conceale them, or thou di'st
Sim. Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris Anne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune to haue her, or no
Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune
Sim. What Sir?Fal. To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman toldme so
Sim. May I be bold to say so Sir?Fal. I Sir: like who more bold
Sim. I thanke your worship: I shall make my Masterglad with these tydings
Host. Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn) was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taught me more wit, then euer I learn'd before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning
Bar. Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage
Host. Where be my horses? speake well of them varletto
Bar. Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behinde one of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres, and away; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Faustasses
Host. They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine) doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men
Euan. Where is mine Host? Host. What is the matter Sir? Euan. Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three Cozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading, of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: I tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and full of gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and 'tis not conuenient you should be cozoned. Fare you well
Cai. Ver' is mine Host de Iarteere?Host. Here (Master Doctor) in perplexitie, and doubtfulldelemma
Cai. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, dat you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: by my trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, to come: I tell you for good will: adieu
Host. Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I am vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vndone
Fal. I would all the world might be cozond, for I haue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should come to the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed; and how my transformation hath beene washd, and cudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper'd, since I forswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde were but long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come you? Qui. From the two parties forsooth
Fal. The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the other: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suffer'd more for their sakes; more then the villanous inconstancy of mans disposition is able to beare
Qui. And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beaten blacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot about her
Fal. What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? I was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Rainebow: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Braineford, but that my admirable dexteritie of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'd me, the knaue Constable had set me ith' Stocks, ith' common Stocks, for a Witch
Qu, Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber, you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your content: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts) what adoe here is to bring you together? Sure, one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are so cross'd
Fal. Come vp into my Chamber.
Exeunt.
Scena Sexta.
Enter Fenton, Host.
Host. Master Fenton, talke not to mee, my minde isheauy: I will giue ouer all
Fen. Yet heare me speake: assist me in my purpose,And (as I am a gentleman) ile giue theeA hundred pound in gold, more then your losse
Host. I will heare you (Master Fenton) and I will (atthe least) keepe your counsell
Fen. From time to time, I haue acquainted youWith the deare loue I beare to faire Anne Page,Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection,(So farre forth, as her selfe might be her chooser)Euen to my wish; I haue a letter from herOf such contents, as you will wonder at;The mirth whereof, so larded with my matter,That neither (singly) can be manifestedWithout the shew of both: fat FalstaffeHath a great Scene; the image of the iestIle show you here at large (harke good mine Host:)To night at Hernes-Oke, iust 'twixt twelue and one,Must my sweet Nan present the Faerie-Queene:The purpose why, is here: in which disguiseWhile other Iests are something ranke on foote,Her father hath commanded her to slipAway with Slender, and with him, at EatonImmediately to Marry: She hath consented: Now Sir,Her Mother, (euen strong against that matchAnd firme for Doctor Caius) hath appointedThat he shall likewise shuffle her away,While other sports are tasking of their mindes,And at the Deanry, where a Priest attendsStrait marry her: to this her Mothers plotShe seemingly obedient) likewise hathMade promise to the Doctor: Now, thus it rests,Her Father meanes she shall be all in white;And in that habit, when Slender sees his timeTo take her by the hand, and bid her goe,She shall goe with him: her Mother hath intended(The better to deuote her to the Doctor;For they must all be mask'd, and vizarded)That quaint in greene, she shall be loose en-roab'd,With Ribonds-pendant, flaring 'bout her head;And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe,To pinch her by the hand, and on that token,The maid hath giuen consent to go with him
Host. Which meanes she to deceiue? Father, or Mother
Fen. Both (my good Host) to go along with me:And heere it rests, that you'l procure the VicarTo stay for me at Church, 'twixt twelue, and one,And in the lawfull name of marrying,To giue our hearts vnited ceremony
Host. Well, husband your deuice; Ile to the Vicar,Bring you the Maid, you shall not lacke a Priest
Fen. So shall I euermore be bound to thee;Besides, Ile make a present recompence.
Exeunt.
Actus Quintus. Scoena Prima.
Enter Falstoffe, Quickly, and Ford.
Fal. Pre'thee no more pratling: go, Ile hold, this is the third time: I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers: Away, go, they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers, either in natiuity, chance, or death: away
Qui. Ile prouide you a chaine, and Ile do what I can to get you a paire of hornes
Fall. Away I say, time weares, hold vp your head & mince. How now M[aster]. Broome? Master Broome, the matter will be knowne to night, or neuer. Bee you in the Parke about midnight, at Hernes-Oake, and you shall see wonders
Ford. Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her (Master Broome) as you see, like a poore-old-man, but I came from her (Master Broome) like a poore-old-woman; that same knaue (Ford hir husband) hath the finest mad diuell of iealousie in him (Master Broome) that euer gouern'd Frensie. I will tell you, he beate me greeuously, in the shape of a woman: (for in the shape of Man (Master Broome) I feare not Goliath with a Weauers beame, because I know also, life is a Shuttle) I am in hast, go along with mee, Ile tell you all (Master Broome:) since I pluckt Geese, plaide Trewant, and whipt Top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten, till lately. Follow mee, Ile tell you strange things of this knaue Ford, on whom to night I will be reuenged, and I will deliuer his wife into your hand. Follow, straunge things in hand (M[aster]. Broome) follow.