Chapter Thirty Five.

Chapter Thirty Five.In which the Agency of a Red-Herring is again introduced into our Wonderful History.We are somewhat inclined to moralise. We did not intend to write this day. On the contrary, we had arranged for a party of pleasure and relaxation, in which the heels, and every other portion of the body upwards, except the brain, were to be employed, and that was to have a respite. The morning was fair, and we promised ourselves amusement, but we were deceived, and we returned to our task, as the rain poured down in torrents, washing the dirty face of mother earth. Yes, deceived; and here we cannot help observing, that this history of ours is a very true picture of human life—for what a complication of treachery does it not involve!Smallbones is deceiving his master, Mr Vanslyperken—the corporal is deceiving Mr Vanslyperken—the widow is deceiving Mr Vanslyperken, so is Babette, and the whole crew of the Yungfrau. Ramsay is deceiving his host and his mistress. All the Jacobites, in a mass, are plotting against and deceiving the Government, and as for Mr Vanslyperken, as it will soon appear, he is deceiving everybody, and will ultimately deceive himself. The only honest party in the whole history is the one most hated, as generally is the case in this world—I mean Snarleyyow. There is no deceit about him, and therefore, parexcellence, he is fairly entitled to be the hero of, and to give his name to, the work. The next most honest party in the book is Wilhelmina; all the other women, except little Lilly, are cheats and impostors—and Lilly is too young; our readers may, therefore, be pleased to consider Snarleyyow and Wilhelmina as the hero and heroine of the tale, and then it will leave one curious feature in it, the principals will not only not be united, but the tale will wind up without their ever seeing each other.Allons en avant.But of all the treachery practised by all the parties, it certainly appears to us that the treachery of the widow was the most odious and diabolical. She was, like a bloated spider, slowly entwining those threads for her victim which were to entrap him to his destruction, for she had vowed that she never would again be led to the hymeneal altar until Mr Vanslyperken was hanged. Perhaps, the widow Vandersloosh was in a hurry to be married; at least, by her activity, it would so appear—but let us not anticipate.The little sofa was fortunately, like its build, strong as a cob, or it never could have borne the weight of two such lovers as the widow Vandersloosh and the Corporal Van Spitter; there they sat, she radiant with love and beer, he with ditto; their sides met, for the sofa exactly took them both in, without an inch to spare; their hands met, their eyes met, and whenever one raised the glass, the other was on the alert, and their glasses met and jingled—a mere practical specimen of hob and nob was never witnessed. There was but one thing wanting to complete their happiness, which, unlike other people’s, did not hang upon a thread, but something much stronger, it hung upon a cord—the cord which was to hang Mr Vanslyperken.And now the widow, like the three Fates rolled into one, is weaving the woof, and, in good Dutch, is pouring into the attentive ear of the corporal her hopes and fears, her surmises, her wishes, her anticipations, and her desires—and he imbibes them all greedily, washing them down with the beer of the widow’s own brewing.“He has not been to the house opposite these two last arrivals,” said the widow, “that is certain; for Babette and I have been on the watch. There was hanging matter there. Now I won’t believe but that he must go somewhere; he carries his letters, and takes his gold as before, depend upon it. Yes, and I will find it out. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, we will see who is the ’cutest—you or the widow Vandersloosh.”“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal.“Now he landed a passenger last time, which he called a king’s messenger, and I am as sure as I sit here, that he was no king’s messenger, unless he was one of King James’s, as was; for look you, Corporal Van Spitter, do you suppose that King William would employ an Englishman, as you say he was, for a messenger, when a Dutchman was to be had for love or money? No, no, we must find out where he goes to. I will have some one on the look-out when you come again, and then set Babette on the watch; she shall track him up to the den of his treachery. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, we will see who gains the day, you or the widow Vandersloosh.”“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal.“And now, corporal, I’ve been thinking over all this ever since your absence, and all you have told me about his cowardly attempts upon that poor boy’s life, and his still greater cowardice in believing such stuff as you have made him believe about the lad not being injured by mortal man. Stuff and nonsense! the lad is but a lad.”“Mein Gott! yes,” said the corporal.“And now, corporal, I’ll tell you something else, which is, that you and the Yungfraus are just as great fools as Mynheer Vanslyperken, in believing all that stuff and nonsense about the dog. The dog is but a dog.”This was rather a trial to the corporal’s politeness; to deny what the widow said might displease; and, as he firmly believed otherwise, he was put to a nonplus; but the widow looked him full in the face, expecting assent, so at last the corporal drawled out—“Mein Gott! yes—a tog is but a tog.”The widow was satisfied; and not perceiving the nice distinction, continued:—“Well, then, corporal, as a lad is but a lad, and a dog is but a dog, I have been setting my wits to work about getting the rascally traitor in my power. I mean to pretend to take every interest in him, and to get all his secrets, and then, when he tells me that Smallbones cannot be hurt by mortal man, I shall say he can by woman, at all events; and then I shall make a proposition, which he’ll accept fast enough, and then I’ll have more hanging matter for him, besides getting rid of the cur. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, match a woman if you can. We’ll see if your dog is to take possession of my bedroom again.”“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal again.“And now I’ll tell you what I’ll do, Mr Corporal; I will prepare it myself; and then, Mr Vanslyperken shall have it grilled for his breakfast, and then he shall not eat it, but leave it for Smallbones, and then Smallbones shall pretend to eat it, but put it in his pocket, and then (for it won’t do to do it on board, or he’ll find out that the lad has given it to the dog) he shall bring it on shore, and give it to the dog here in the yard, so that he shall kill the dog himself, by wishing to kill others. Do you understand, corporal?”“Mein Gott! yes, I understand what you say; but what is it that you are to prepare?”“What? why, a red-herring, to be sure.”“But how will a red-herring kill a body or a dog?”“Lord, corporal, how stupid you are! I’m to put arsenic in.”“Yes; but you left that out till now.”“Did I? well, that was an oversight; but now, corporal, you understand it all?”“Mein Gott! yes; but if the lad does not die, what will he think?”“Think! that he can take poison like pea-soup, without injury, and that neither man nor woman can take his life; be afraid of the lad, and leave him alone.”“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the rather obtuse corporal, who now understood the whole plot.Such was the snare laid for Mr Vanslyperken by the treacherous widow; and before the cutter sailed, it was put in execution. She received the lieutenant now as an accepted lover, allowed him to talk of the day, wormed out of him all his secrets except that of his treason, abused Smallbones, and acknowledged that she had been too hasty about the dog, which she would be very happy to see on shore. Vanslyperken could hardly believe his senses—the widow forgive Snarleyyow, and all for his sake—he was delighted, enchanted, threw himself at her feet, and vowed eternal gratitude with his lips—but vengeance in his heart.Oh! Mr Vanslyperken, you deserved to be deceived.The dislike expressed by the widow against Smallbones was also very agreeable to the lieutenant, and he made her his confidant, stating what the corporal had told him relative to the appearance of Smallbones when he was adrift.“Well then, lieutenant,” said the widow, “if mortal man can’t hurt him, mortal woman may; and for my love for you I will prepare what will rid you of him. But, Vanslyperken, recollect there’s nothing I would not do for you; but if it were found out—O dear! O dear!”The widow then informed him that she would prepare a red-herring with arsenic, which he should take on board, and order Smallbones to grill for his breakfast; that he was to pretend not to be well, and to allow it to be taken away by the lad, who would, of course, eat it fast enough.“Excellent!” replied Vanslyperken, who felt not only that he should get rid of Smallbones, but have the widow in his power. “Dearest widow, how can I be sufficiently grateful! Oh! how kind, how amiable you are!” continued Vanslyperken, mumbling her fat fingers, which the widow abandoned to him without reserve.Who would have believed that, between these two, there existed a deadly hatred? We might imagine such a thing to take place in the refinement and artificial air of a court, but not in a Dutch Lust Haus at Amsterdam. That evening, before his departure, did the widow present her swain with the fatal herring; and the swain received it with as many marks of gratitude and respect, as some knight in ancient times would have shown when presented with some magical gift by his favouring genius.The red-herring itself was but a red-herring, but the charm consisted in the twopenny-worth of arsenic.The next morning Vanslyperken did not fail to order the red-herring for his breakfast, but took good care not to eat it.Smallbones, who had been duly apprised of the whole plan, asked his master, as he cleared away, whether he should keep the red-herring for the next day; but Mr Vanslyperken very graciously informed him that he might eat it himself. About an hour afterwards, Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, taking with him, for the first time, Snarleyyow, and desiring Smallbones to come with him, with a bag of biscuit for the widow. This plan had been proposed by the widow, as Smallbones might be supposed to have eaten something on shore. Smallbones took as good care as his master not to eat the herring, but put it in his pocket as abonne bouchefor Snarleyyow. Mr Vanslyperken, as they pulled on shore, thought that the lad smelt very strong of herring, and this satisfied him that he had eaten it; but to make more sure, he exclaimed—“Confound it, how you smell of red-herring!”“That’s all along of having eaten one, sir,” replied Smallbones, grinning.“You’ll grin in another way before an hour is over,” thought his master.The lieutenant, the dog, and the biscuit, were all graciously received.“Has he eaten it?” inquired the widow.“Yes,” replied Vanslyperken, with a nod. “Empty the bag, and I will send him on board again.”“Not yet, not yet—give him half an hour to saunter, it will be better. That poor dog of yours must want a little grass,” said the widow, “always being on board. Let him run a little in the yard, he will, find plenty there.”The obedient lieutenant opened the back-door, and Snarleyyow, who had not forgotten either the widow or Babette, went out of his own accord. Mr Vanslyperken looked to ascertain if the yard-door which led to the street was fast, and then returned, shutting the back-door after him.Smallbones was waiting at the porch as usual.“Babette,” cried the widow, “mind you don’t open the yard-door and let Mr Vanslyperken’s dog out. Do you hear?”Smallbones, who understood this as the signal, immediately slipped round, opened the yard door took the herring out of his pocket, and threw it to Snarleyyow. The dog came to it, smelt it, seized it, and walked off with his ears and tail up, to the sunny side of the yard, intending to have a good meal; and Smallbones, who was afraid of Mr Vanslyperken catching him in the fact, came out of the yard, and hastened to his former post at the porch. He caught Babette’s eye, coming down-stairs, and winked and smiled. Babette walked into the room, caught the eye of the mistress, and winked and smiled. Upon which, the widow ordered Babette to empty the bread-bag and give it to Smallbones, to take on board—an order repeated by Vanslyperken. Before he returned to the boat Smallbones again passed round to the yard-door. Snarleyyow was there but no signs of the red-herring. “He’s a-eaten it all, by gum,” said Smallbones, grinning, and walking away to the boat with the bread-bag over his shoulder. As soon as he had arrived on board, the lad communicated the fact to the crew of the Yungfrau, whose spirits were raised by the intelligence with the exception still of old Coble, who shook his head, and declared, “It was twopence and a red-herring thrown away.”Mr Vanslyperken returned on board in the afternoon, fully expecting to hear of Smallbones being very ill. He was surprised that the man in the boat did not tell him, and he asked them carelessly if there was anything new on board, but received a reply in the negative. When he came on board, followed by Snarleyyow, the eyes of the crew were directed towards the dog, to see how he looked; but he appeared just as lively and as cross-grained as ever, and they all shook their heads.Vanslyperken sent for Smallbones, and looked him hard in the face. “Ar’n’t you well?” inquired he.“Well, sir!” replied Smallbones: “I’d a bit of a twinge in my stummick, this morning, but it’s all gone off now.”Mr Vanslyperken waited the whole day for Smallbones to die, but he did not. The crew of the vessel waited the whole day for the cur to die, but he did not. What inference could be drawn? The crew made up their minds that the dog was supernatural; and old Coble told them that he told them so. Mr Vanslyperken made up his mind that Smallbones was supernatural, and the corporal shook his head, and told him that he told him so.The reason why Snarleyyow did not die was simply this, that he did not eat the red-herring. He had just laid it between his paws, and was about to commence, when Smallbones, having left the yard-door open in his hurry, the dog was perceived by a dog bigger than he, who happened to pass that way, and who pounced upon Snarleyyow, trampling him over and over, and walked off with the red-herring, which he had better have left alone, as he was found dead the next morning.The widow heard, both from the corporal and Vanslyperken, the failure of both their projects. That Smallbones was not poisoned she was not surprised to hear, but she took care to agree with Vanslyperken that all attempts upon him were useless; but that the dog still lived was indeed a matter of surprise, and the widow became a convert to the corporal’s opinion that the dog was not to be destroyed.“A whole twopenny-worth of arsenic! Babette, only think what a cur it must be!” And Babette, as well as her mistress, lifted up her hands in amazement, exclaiming, “What a cur, indeed!”

We are somewhat inclined to moralise. We did not intend to write this day. On the contrary, we had arranged for a party of pleasure and relaxation, in which the heels, and every other portion of the body upwards, except the brain, were to be employed, and that was to have a respite. The morning was fair, and we promised ourselves amusement, but we were deceived, and we returned to our task, as the rain poured down in torrents, washing the dirty face of mother earth. Yes, deceived; and here we cannot help observing, that this history of ours is a very true picture of human life—for what a complication of treachery does it not involve!

Smallbones is deceiving his master, Mr Vanslyperken—the corporal is deceiving Mr Vanslyperken—the widow is deceiving Mr Vanslyperken, so is Babette, and the whole crew of the Yungfrau. Ramsay is deceiving his host and his mistress. All the Jacobites, in a mass, are plotting against and deceiving the Government, and as for Mr Vanslyperken, as it will soon appear, he is deceiving everybody, and will ultimately deceive himself. The only honest party in the whole history is the one most hated, as generally is the case in this world—I mean Snarleyyow. There is no deceit about him, and therefore, parexcellence, he is fairly entitled to be the hero of, and to give his name to, the work. The next most honest party in the book is Wilhelmina; all the other women, except little Lilly, are cheats and impostors—and Lilly is too young; our readers may, therefore, be pleased to consider Snarleyyow and Wilhelmina as the hero and heroine of the tale, and then it will leave one curious feature in it, the principals will not only not be united, but the tale will wind up without their ever seeing each other.Allons en avant.

But of all the treachery practised by all the parties, it certainly appears to us that the treachery of the widow was the most odious and diabolical. She was, like a bloated spider, slowly entwining those threads for her victim which were to entrap him to his destruction, for she had vowed that she never would again be led to the hymeneal altar until Mr Vanslyperken was hanged. Perhaps, the widow Vandersloosh was in a hurry to be married; at least, by her activity, it would so appear—but let us not anticipate.

The little sofa was fortunately, like its build, strong as a cob, or it never could have borne the weight of two such lovers as the widow Vandersloosh and the Corporal Van Spitter; there they sat, she radiant with love and beer, he with ditto; their sides met, for the sofa exactly took them both in, without an inch to spare; their hands met, their eyes met, and whenever one raised the glass, the other was on the alert, and their glasses met and jingled—a mere practical specimen of hob and nob was never witnessed. There was but one thing wanting to complete their happiness, which, unlike other people’s, did not hang upon a thread, but something much stronger, it hung upon a cord—the cord which was to hang Mr Vanslyperken.

And now the widow, like the three Fates rolled into one, is weaving the woof, and, in good Dutch, is pouring into the attentive ear of the corporal her hopes and fears, her surmises, her wishes, her anticipations, and her desires—and he imbibes them all greedily, washing them down with the beer of the widow’s own brewing.

“He has not been to the house opposite these two last arrivals,” said the widow, “that is certain; for Babette and I have been on the watch. There was hanging matter there. Now I won’t believe but that he must go somewhere; he carries his letters, and takes his gold as before, depend upon it. Yes, and I will find it out. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, we will see who is the ’cutest—you or the widow Vandersloosh.”

“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal.

“Now he landed a passenger last time, which he called a king’s messenger, and I am as sure as I sit here, that he was no king’s messenger, unless he was one of King James’s, as was; for look you, Corporal Van Spitter, do you suppose that King William would employ an Englishman, as you say he was, for a messenger, when a Dutchman was to be had for love or money? No, no, we must find out where he goes to. I will have some one on the look-out when you come again, and then set Babette on the watch; she shall track him up to the den of his treachery. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, we will see who gains the day, you or the widow Vandersloosh.”

“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal.

“And now, corporal, I’ve been thinking over all this ever since your absence, and all you have told me about his cowardly attempts upon that poor boy’s life, and his still greater cowardice in believing such stuff as you have made him believe about the lad not being injured by mortal man. Stuff and nonsense! the lad is but a lad.”

“Mein Gott! yes,” said the corporal.

“And now, corporal, I’ll tell you something else, which is, that you and the Yungfraus are just as great fools as Mynheer Vanslyperken, in believing all that stuff and nonsense about the dog. The dog is but a dog.”

This was rather a trial to the corporal’s politeness; to deny what the widow said might displease; and, as he firmly believed otherwise, he was put to a nonplus; but the widow looked him full in the face, expecting assent, so at last the corporal drawled out—

“Mein Gott! yes—a tog is but a tog.”

The widow was satisfied; and not perceiving the nice distinction, continued:—

“Well, then, corporal, as a lad is but a lad, and a dog is but a dog, I have been setting my wits to work about getting the rascally traitor in my power. I mean to pretend to take every interest in him, and to get all his secrets, and then, when he tells me that Smallbones cannot be hurt by mortal man, I shall say he can by woman, at all events; and then I shall make a proposition, which he’ll accept fast enough, and then I’ll have more hanging matter for him, besides getting rid of the cur. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, match a woman if you can. We’ll see if your dog is to take possession of my bedroom again.”

“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the corporal again.

“And now I’ll tell you what I’ll do, Mr Corporal; I will prepare it myself; and then, Mr Vanslyperken shall have it grilled for his breakfast, and then he shall not eat it, but leave it for Smallbones, and then Smallbones shall pretend to eat it, but put it in his pocket, and then (for it won’t do to do it on board, or he’ll find out that the lad has given it to the dog) he shall bring it on shore, and give it to the dog here in the yard, so that he shall kill the dog himself, by wishing to kill others. Do you understand, corporal?”

“Mein Gott! yes, I understand what you say; but what is it that you are to prepare?”

“What? why, a red-herring, to be sure.”

“But how will a red-herring kill a body or a dog?”

“Lord, corporal, how stupid you are! I’m to put arsenic in.”

“Yes; but you left that out till now.”

“Did I? well, that was an oversight; but now, corporal, you understand it all?”

“Mein Gott! yes; but if the lad does not die, what will he think?”

“Think! that he can take poison like pea-soup, without injury, and that neither man nor woman can take his life; be afraid of the lad, and leave him alone.”

“Mein Gott! yes,” replied the rather obtuse corporal, who now understood the whole plot.

Such was the snare laid for Mr Vanslyperken by the treacherous widow; and before the cutter sailed, it was put in execution. She received the lieutenant now as an accepted lover, allowed him to talk of the day, wormed out of him all his secrets except that of his treason, abused Smallbones, and acknowledged that she had been too hasty about the dog, which she would be very happy to see on shore. Vanslyperken could hardly believe his senses—the widow forgive Snarleyyow, and all for his sake—he was delighted, enchanted, threw himself at her feet, and vowed eternal gratitude with his lips—but vengeance in his heart.

Oh! Mr Vanslyperken, you deserved to be deceived.

The dislike expressed by the widow against Smallbones was also very agreeable to the lieutenant, and he made her his confidant, stating what the corporal had told him relative to the appearance of Smallbones when he was adrift.

“Well then, lieutenant,” said the widow, “if mortal man can’t hurt him, mortal woman may; and for my love for you I will prepare what will rid you of him. But, Vanslyperken, recollect there’s nothing I would not do for you; but if it were found out—O dear! O dear!”

The widow then informed him that she would prepare a red-herring with arsenic, which he should take on board, and order Smallbones to grill for his breakfast; that he was to pretend not to be well, and to allow it to be taken away by the lad, who would, of course, eat it fast enough.

“Excellent!” replied Vanslyperken, who felt not only that he should get rid of Smallbones, but have the widow in his power. “Dearest widow, how can I be sufficiently grateful! Oh! how kind, how amiable you are!” continued Vanslyperken, mumbling her fat fingers, which the widow abandoned to him without reserve.

Who would have believed that, between these two, there existed a deadly hatred? We might imagine such a thing to take place in the refinement and artificial air of a court, but not in a Dutch Lust Haus at Amsterdam. That evening, before his departure, did the widow present her swain with the fatal herring; and the swain received it with as many marks of gratitude and respect, as some knight in ancient times would have shown when presented with some magical gift by his favouring genius.

The red-herring itself was but a red-herring, but the charm consisted in the twopenny-worth of arsenic.

The next morning Vanslyperken did not fail to order the red-herring for his breakfast, but took good care not to eat it.

Smallbones, who had been duly apprised of the whole plan, asked his master, as he cleared away, whether he should keep the red-herring for the next day; but Mr Vanslyperken very graciously informed him that he might eat it himself. About an hour afterwards, Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, taking with him, for the first time, Snarleyyow, and desiring Smallbones to come with him, with a bag of biscuit for the widow. This plan had been proposed by the widow, as Smallbones might be supposed to have eaten something on shore. Smallbones took as good care as his master not to eat the herring, but put it in his pocket as abonne bouchefor Snarleyyow. Mr Vanslyperken, as they pulled on shore, thought that the lad smelt very strong of herring, and this satisfied him that he had eaten it; but to make more sure, he exclaimed—

“Confound it, how you smell of red-herring!”

“That’s all along of having eaten one, sir,” replied Smallbones, grinning.

“You’ll grin in another way before an hour is over,” thought his master.

The lieutenant, the dog, and the biscuit, were all graciously received.

“Has he eaten it?” inquired the widow.

“Yes,” replied Vanslyperken, with a nod. “Empty the bag, and I will send him on board again.”

“Not yet, not yet—give him half an hour to saunter, it will be better. That poor dog of yours must want a little grass,” said the widow, “always being on board. Let him run a little in the yard, he will, find plenty there.”

The obedient lieutenant opened the back-door, and Snarleyyow, who had not forgotten either the widow or Babette, went out of his own accord. Mr Vanslyperken looked to ascertain if the yard-door which led to the street was fast, and then returned, shutting the back-door after him.

Smallbones was waiting at the porch as usual.

“Babette,” cried the widow, “mind you don’t open the yard-door and let Mr Vanslyperken’s dog out. Do you hear?”

Smallbones, who understood this as the signal, immediately slipped round, opened the yard door took the herring out of his pocket, and threw it to Snarleyyow. The dog came to it, smelt it, seized it, and walked off with his ears and tail up, to the sunny side of the yard, intending to have a good meal; and Smallbones, who was afraid of Mr Vanslyperken catching him in the fact, came out of the yard, and hastened to his former post at the porch. He caught Babette’s eye, coming down-stairs, and winked and smiled. Babette walked into the room, caught the eye of the mistress, and winked and smiled. Upon which, the widow ordered Babette to empty the bread-bag and give it to Smallbones, to take on board—an order repeated by Vanslyperken. Before he returned to the boat Smallbones again passed round to the yard-door. Snarleyyow was there but no signs of the red-herring. “He’s a-eaten it all, by gum,” said Smallbones, grinning, and walking away to the boat with the bread-bag over his shoulder. As soon as he had arrived on board, the lad communicated the fact to the crew of the Yungfrau, whose spirits were raised by the intelligence with the exception still of old Coble, who shook his head, and declared, “It was twopence and a red-herring thrown away.”

Mr Vanslyperken returned on board in the afternoon, fully expecting to hear of Smallbones being very ill. He was surprised that the man in the boat did not tell him, and he asked them carelessly if there was anything new on board, but received a reply in the negative. When he came on board, followed by Snarleyyow, the eyes of the crew were directed towards the dog, to see how he looked; but he appeared just as lively and as cross-grained as ever, and they all shook their heads.

Vanslyperken sent for Smallbones, and looked him hard in the face. “Ar’n’t you well?” inquired he.

“Well, sir!” replied Smallbones: “I’d a bit of a twinge in my stummick, this morning, but it’s all gone off now.”

Mr Vanslyperken waited the whole day for Smallbones to die, but he did not. The crew of the vessel waited the whole day for the cur to die, but he did not. What inference could be drawn? The crew made up their minds that the dog was supernatural; and old Coble told them that he told them so. Mr Vanslyperken made up his mind that Smallbones was supernatural, and the corporal shook his head, and told him that he told him so.

The reason why Snarleyyow did not die was simply this, that he did not eat the red-herring. He had just laid it between his paws, and was about to commence, when Smallbones, having left the yard-door open in his hurry, the dog was perceived by a dog bigger than he, who happened to pass that way, and who pounced upon Snarleyyow, trampling him over and over, and walked off with the red-herring, which he had better have left alone, as he was found dead the next morning.

The widow heard, both from the corporal and Vanslyperken, the failure of both their projects. That Smallbones was not poisoned she was not surprised to hear, but she took care to agree with Vanslyperken that all attempts upon him were useless; but that the dog still lived was indeed a matter of surprise, and the widow became a convert to the corporal’s opinion that the dog was not to be destroyed.

“A whole twopenny-worth of arsenic! Babette, only think what a cur it must be!” And Babette, as well as her mistress, lifted up her hands in amazement, exclaiming, “What a cur, indeed!”

Chapter Thirty Six.In which Mr Vanslyperken, although at Fault, comes in for the Brush.Vanslyperken, having obtained his despatches from the States General, called at the house of Mynheer Krause, and received the letters of Ramsay; then, once more, the cutter’s head was turned towards England.It may be as well to remind the reader, that it was in the month of January, sixteen hundred and ninety-nine, that we first introduced Mr Vanslyperken and his contemporaries to his notice, and that all the important events which we have recorded, have taken place between that date and the month of May, which is now arrived. We think, indeed, that the peculiar merit of this work is its remarkable unity of time and place; for, be it observed, we intend to finish it long before the year is out, and our whole scene is, it may be said, laid in the Channel, or between the Channel and the Texel, which, considering it is an historical novel, is remarkable. Examine other productions of this nature, founded upon historical facts like our own, and observe the difference. Read Scott, Bulwer, James, or Grattan, read their historical novels, and observe how they fly about from country to country, and from clime to clime. As the Scythians said to Alexander, their right arm extends to the east, and their left to the west, and the world can hardly contain them. And over how many years do they extend their pages! while our bantling is produced in the regular nine months, being the exact period of time which is required for my three volumes. It must, therefore, he allowed that, in unity of time, and place, and design, and adherence to facts, our historical novel is unique.We said that it was the month of May—not May coming in as she does sometimes in her caprice, pouting, and out of humour—but May all in smiles. The weather was warm, and the sea was smooth and the men of the cutter had stowed away their pea-jackets, and had pulled off their fishermen’s boots, and had substituted shoes. Mr Vanslyperken did not often appear on deck during the passage. He was very busy down below, and spread a piece of bunting across the skylight, so that no one could look down and see what he was about, and the cabin-door was almost always locked. What could Mr Vanslyperken be about? No one knew but Snarleyyow, and Snarleyyow could not or would not tell.The cutter anchored in her old berth, and Vanslyperken, as usual, went on shore, with his double set of despatches, which were duly delivered; and then Mr Vanslyperken went up the main street, and turned into a jeweller’s shop. What could Mr Vanslyperken do there? Surely it was to purchase something for the widow Vandersloosh—a necklace or pair of earrings. No, it was not with that intention; but nevertheless, Mr Vanslyperken remained there for a long while, and then was seen to depart. Seen by whom? By Moggy Salisbury, who had observed his entering, and who could not imagine why; she, however, said nothing, but she marked the shop, and walked away.The next day, Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, to put into his mother’s charge the money which he had received from Ramsay, and narrated all that had passed—how Smallbones had swallowed twopenny-worth of arsenic with no more effect upon him than one twinge in his stomach, and how he now fully believed that nothing would kill the boy.“Pshaw! child—phut!—nonsense!—nothing kill him?—had he been in my hands, old as they are, and shaking as they do he would not have lived; no, no—nobody escapes me when I’m determined. We’ll talk about that, but not now, Cornelius; the weather has turned warm at last, and there is no need of fire. Go, child, the money is locked up safe, and I have my mood upon me—I may even do you a mischief.”Vanslyperken, who knew that it was useless to remain after this hint, walked off and returned on board. As he pulled off, he passed a boat, apparently coming from the cutter, with Moggy Salisbury sitting in the stern-sheets. She waved her hand at him, and laughed ironically.“Impudent hussy!” thought Vanslyperken, as she passed, but he dared not say a word. He turned pale with rage, and turned his head away; but little did he imagine at the time, what great cause he had of indignation. Moggy had been three hours on board of the cutter talking with the men, but more particularly with Smallbones and the corporal, with which two she had been in earnest conference for the first hour that she was on board.Moggy’s animosity to Vanslyperken is well known, and she ridiculed the idea of Snarleyyow being anything more than an uncommon lucky dog in escaping so often. Smallbones was of her opinion, and again declared his intention of doing the dog a mischief as soon as he could. Moggy, after her conference with these two, mixed with the ship’s company, with whom she had always been a favourite, and the corporal proceeded to superintend the cutting up and the distribution of the fresh beef which had that morning come on board.The beef-block was on the forecastle, where the major part of the crew, with Moggy, were assembled; Snarleyyow had always attended the corporal on these occasions, and was still the best of friends with him; for somehow or another, the dog had not seemed to consider the corporal a party to his brains being knocked out, but had put it all down to his natural enemy, Smallbones. The dog was, as usual, standing by the block, close to the corporal, and picking up the fragments of beef which dropped from the chopper.“I vowed by gum, that I’d have that ’ere dog’s tail off,” observed Smallbones; “and if no one will peach, off it shall go now. And who cares? If I can’t a-kill him dead, I’ll get rid of him by bits. There’s one eye out already, and now I’ve a mind for his tail. Corporal, lend me the cleaver.”“Bravo, Smallbones, we won’t peach—not one of us.”“I’m not sure of that,” replied Moggy; “some won’t, I know: but there are others who may, and then Smallbones will be keel-hauled as sure as fate, and Vanslyperken will have right on his side. No, no, Smallbones—you must not do it. Give me the cleaver, corporal, I’ll do it; and any one may tell him who pleases, when he comes on board. I don’t care for him—and he knows it, corporal. Hand me the cleaver.”“That’s right, let Moggy do it,” said the seamen.The corporal turned the dog round, so as to leave his tail on the block, and fed him with small pieces of meat, to keep him in the same position.“Are you all ready, Moggy?” said Smallbones.“Back him a little more on the block, corporal, for I won’t leave him an inch if I can help it,” said Moggy; “and stand further back, all of you.”Moggy raised the cleaver, took good aim—down it came upon the dog’s tail, which was separated within an inch of its insertion, and was left bleeding on the block, while the dog sprang away aft, howling most terribly, and leaving a dotted line of blood to mark his course upon the deck.“There’s a nice skewer-piece for any one who fancies it,” observed Moggy, looking at the dog’s tail, and throwing down the cleaver. “I think Mr Vanslyperken has had enough now for trying to flog my Jemmy—my own duck of a husband.”“Well,” observed Coble, “seeing’s believing; but otherwise, I never should have thought it possible to have divided that ’ere dog’s tail in that way.”“He can’t be much of a devil now,” observed Bill Spurey; “for what’s a devil without a tail? A devil is like a sarpent, whose sting is in his tail.”“Yes,” replied Short, who had looked on in silence. “But I say, Moggy, perhaps it is as well for him not to find you on board.”“What do I care?” replied Moggy. “He is more afraid of me than I of him; but, howsomever, it’s just as well not to be here, as it may get others into trouble. Mind you say at once it was me—I defy him.”Moggy then wished them good-bye, and quitted the cutter, when she was met, as we have already observed, by Vanslyperken.“Mein Gott! vat must be done now?” observed the corporal to those about him, looking at the mangy tail which still remained on the beef-block.“Done, corporal!” replied Smallbones; “why you must come for to go for to complain on it, as he comes on board. You must take the tail, and tell the tale, and purtend to be angry and as sorry as himself, and damnherup in heaps. That’s what must be done.”This was not bad advice on the part of Smallbones; the ship’s company agreed to it, and the corporal perceived the propriety of it.In the meantime the dog had retreated to the cabin, and his howlings had gradually ceased; but he had left a track of blood along the deck, and down the ladder, which Dick Short perceiving, pointed to it, and cried out “Swabs.”The men brought swabs aft and had cleaned the deck and the ladder down to the cabin door, when Mr Vanslyperken came on board.“Has that woman been here?” inquired Mr Vanslyperken, as he came on deck.“Yes,” replied Dick Short.“Did not I give positive orders that she should not?” cried Vanslyperken.“No,” replied Dick Short.“Then I do now,” continued the lieutenant.“Too late,” observed Short, shrugging up his shoulders, and walking forward.“Too late! what does he mean?” said Vanslyperken, turning to Coble.“I knows nothing about it, sir,” replied Coble. “She came for some of her husband’s things that were left on board.”Vanslyperken turned round to look for the corporal for explanation.There stood Corporal Van Spitter, perfectly erect, with a very melancholy face, one hand raised as usual to his cap, and the other occupied with the tail of Snarleyyow.“What is it? what is the matter, corporal?”“Mynheer Vanslyperken,” replied the corporal, retaining his respectful attitude, “here is de tail.”“Tail! what tail?” exclaimed Vanslyperken, casting his eyes upon the contents of the corporal’s left hand.“Te tog’s tail, mynheer,” replied the corporal, gravely, “which de dam tog’s wife—Moggy—”Vanslyperken stared; he could scarcely credit his eyesight, but there it was. For a time he could not speak for agitation; at last, with a tremendous oath, he darted into the cabin.What were his feelings when he beheld Snarleyyow lying in a corner tailless, with a puddle of blood behind him.“My poor, poor dog!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, covering up his face.His sorrow soon changed to rage—he invoked all the curses he could imagine upon Moggy’s head—he vowed revenge—he stamped with rage—and then he patted Snarleyyow; and as the beast looked wistfully in his face, Vanslyperken shed tears. “My poor, poor dog! first your eye—and now your tail—what will your persecutors require next? Perdition seize them! may perdition be my portion if I am not revenged. Smallbones is at the bottom of all this; I can—I will be revenged on him.”Vanslyperken rang the bell, and the corporal made his appearance with the dog’s tail still in his hand.“Lay it down on the table, corporal,” said Vanslyperken, mournfully, “and tell me how this happened.”The corporal then entered into a long detail of the way in which the dog had been detailed—how he had been cutting up beef—and how, while his back was turned, and Snarleyyow, as usual, was at the block, picking up the bits, Moggy Salisbury, who had been allowed to come on board by Mr Short, had caught up the cleaver and chopped off the dog’s tail.“Was Smallbones at the block?” inquired Vanslyperken.“He was, mynheer,” replied the corporal.“Who held the dog while his tail was chopped off?” inquired Vanslyperken; “some one must have held him.”This was a home question but the corporal replied, “Yes, mynheer, some one must have held the dog.”“You did not hear who it was, or if it were Smallbones?”“I did not, mynheer,” replied the corporal: “but,” added he with a significant look, “I tink I could say.”“Yes, yes, corporal I know who you mean. It was him—I am sure—and as sure as I sit here I’ll be revenged. Bring a swab, corporal, and wipe up all this blood. Do you think the poor animal will recover?”“Yes, mynheer; there be togs with tail and togs without tail.”“But the loss of blood—what must be done to stop the bleeding?”“Dat damn woman Moggy, when I say te tog die—tog bleed to death, she say, tell Mynheer Vanslyperken dat de best ting for cure de cur be de red hot poker.”Here Vanslyperken stamped his feet and swore horribly.“She say, mynheer, it stop all de bleeding.”“I wish she had a hot poker down her body,” exclaimed Vanslyperken, bitterly.“Go for the swab, corporal, and send Smallbones here.”Smallbones made his appearance.“Did you come for—to want me, sir?”“Yes, sir. I understand from the corporal that you held the dog while that woman cut off his tail.”“If so be as how as the corporal says that ’ere,” cried Smallbones, striking the palm of his left hand with his right fist, “why I’m jiggered if he don’t tell a lie as big as himself—that’s all. That ’ere man is my mortal henemy; and if that ’ere dog gets into trouble I’m a sartain to be in trouble too. What should I cut the dog’s tail off for, I should like for to know? I ar’n’t so hungry as all that, any how.”The idea of eating his dog’s tail increased the choler of Mr Vanslyperken. With looks of malignant vengeance he ordered Smallbones out of the cabin.“Shall I shy this here overboard, sir?” said Smallbones, taking up the dog’s tail, which lay on the table.“Drop it, sir,” roared Vanslyperken.Smallbones walked away, grinning with delight, but his face was turned from Mr Vanslyperken.The corporal returned, swabbed up the blood, and reported that the bleeding had stopped. Mr Vanslyperken had no further orders for him—he wished to be left alone. He leaned his head upon his hand, and remained for some time in a melancholy reverie, with his eyes fixed upon the tail, which lay before him—that tail, now a “bleeding piece of earth,” which never was to welcome him with a wag again. What passed in Vanslyperken’s mind during this time it would be too difficult and too long to repeat, for the mind flies over time and space with the rapidity of the lightning’s flash. At last he rose, took up the dog’s tail, put it into his pocket, went on deck, ordered his boat, and pulled on shore.

Vanslyperken, having obtained his despatches from the States General, called at the house of Mynheer Krause, and received the letters of Ramsay; then, once more, the cutter’s head was turned towards England.

It may be as well to remind the reader, that it was in the month of January, sixteen hundred and ninety-nine, that we first introduced Mr Vanslyperken and his contemporaries to his notice, and that all the important events which we have recorded, have taken place between that date and the month of May, which is now arrived. We think, indeed, that the peculiar merit of this work is its remarkable unity of time and place; for, be it observed, we intend to finish it long before the year is out, and our whole scene is, it may be said, laid in the Channel, or between the Channel and the Texel, which, considering it is an historical novel, is remarkable. Examine other productions of this nature, founded upon historical facts like our own, and observe the difference. Read Scott, Bulwer, James, or Grattan, read their historical novels, and observe how they fly about from country to country, and from clime to clime. As the Scythians said to Alexander, their right arm extends to the east, and their left to the west, and the world can hardly contain them. And over how many years do they extend their pages! while our bantling is produced in the regular nine months, being the exact period of time which is required for my three volumes. It must, therefore, he allowed that, in unity of time, and place, and design, and adherence to facts, our historical novel is unique.

We said that it was the month of May—not May coming in as she does sometimes in her caprice, pouting, and out of humour—but May all in smiles. The weather was warm, and the sea was smooth and the men of the cutter had stowed away their pea-jackets, and had pulled off their fishermen’s boots, and had substituted shoes. Mr Vanslyperken did not often appear on deck during the passage. He was very busy down below, and spread a piece of bunting across the skylight, so that no one could look down and see what he was about, and the cabin-door was almost always locked. What could Mr Vanslyperken be about? No one knew but Snarleyyow, and Snarleyyow could not or would not tell.

The cutter anchored in her old berth, and Vanslyperken, as usual, went on shore, with his double set of despatches, which were duly delivered; and then Mr Vanslyperken went up the main street, and turned into a jeweller’s shop. What could Mr Vanslyperken do there? Surely it was to purchase something for the widow Vandersloosh—a necklace or pair of earrings. No, it was not with that intention; but nevertheless, Mr Vanslyperken remained there for a long while, and then was seen to depart. Seen by whom? By Moggy Salisbury, who had observed his entering, and who could not imagine why; she, however, said nothing, but she marked the shop, and walked away.

The next day, Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, to put into his mother’s charge the money which he had received from Ramsay, and narrated all that had passed—how Smallbones had swallowed twopenny-worth of arsenic with no more effect upon him than one twinge in his stomach, and how he now fully believed that nothing would kill the boy.

“Pshaw! child—phut!—nonsense!—nothing kill him?—had he been in my hands, old as they are, and shaking as they do he would not have lived; no, no—nobody escapes me when I’m determined. We’ll talk about that, but not now, Cornelius; the weather has turned warm at last, and there is no need of fire. Go, child, the money is locked up safe, and I have my mood upon me—I may even do you a mischief.”

Vanslyperken, who knew that it was useless to remain after this hint, walked off and returned on board. As he pulled off, he passed a boat, apparently coming from the cutter, with Moggy Salisbury sitting in the stern-sheets. She waved her hand at him, and laughed ironically.

“Impudent hussy!” thought Vanslyperken, as she passed, but he dared not say a word. He turned pale with rage, and turned his head away; but little did he imagine at the time, what great cause he had of indignation. Moggy had been three hours on board of the cutter talking with the men, but more particularly with Smallbones and the corporal, with which two she had been in earnest conference for the first hour that she was on board.

Moggy’s animosity to Vanslyperken is well known, and she ridiculed the idea of Snarleyyow being anything more than an uncommon lucky dog in escaping so often. Smallbones was of her opinion, and again declared his intention of doing the dog a mischief as soon as he could. Moggy, after her conference with these two, mixed with the ship’s company, with whom she had always been a favourite, and the corporal proceeded to superintend the cutting up and the distribution of the fresh beef which had that morning come on board.

The beef-block was on the forecastle, where the major part of the crew, with Moggy, were assembled; Snarleyyow had always attended the corporal on these occasions, and was still the best of friends with him; for somehow or another, the dog had not seemed to consider the corporal a party to his brains being knocked out, but had put it all down to his natural enemy, Smallbones. The dog was, as usual, standing by the block, close to the corporal, and picking up the fragments of beef which dropped from the chopper.

“I vowed by gum, that I’d have that ’ere dog’s tail off,” observed Smallbones; “and if no one will peach, off it shall go now. And who cares? If I can’t a-kill him dead, I’ll get rid of him by bits. There’s one eye out already, and now I’ve a mind for his tail. Corporal, lend me the cleaver.”

“Bravo, Smallbones, we won’t peach—not one of us.”

“I’m not sure of that,” replied Moggy; “some won’t, I know: but there are others who may, and then Smallbones will be keel-hauled as sure as fate, and Vanslyperken will have right on his side. No, no, Smallbones—you must not do it. Give me the cleaver, corporal, I’ll do it; and any one may tell him who pleases, when he comes on board. I don’t care for him—and he knows it, corporal. Hand me the cleaver.”

“That’s right, let Moggy do it,” said the seamen.

The corporal turned the dog round, so as to leave his tail on the block, and fed him with small pieces of meat, to keep him in the same position.

“Are you all ready, Moggy?” said Smallbones.

“Back him a little more on the block, corporal, for I won’t leave him an inch if I can help it,” said Moggy; “and stand further back, all of you.”

Moggy raised the cleaver, took good aim—down it came upon the dog’s tail, which was separated within an inch of its insertion, and was left bleeding on the block, while the dog sprang away aft, howling most terribly, and leaving a dotted line of blood to mark his course upon the deck.

“There’s a nice skewer-piece for any one who fancies it,” observed Moggy, looking at the dog’s tail, and throwing down the cleaver. “I think Mr Vanslyperken has had enough now for trying to flog my Jemmy—my own duck of a husband.”

“Well,” observed Coble, “seeing’s believing; but otherwise, I never should have thought it possible to have divided that ’ere dog’s tail in that way.”

“He can’t be much of a devil now,” observed Bill Spurey; “for what’s a devil without a tail? A devil is like a sarpent, whose sting is in his tail.”

“Yes,” replied Short, who had looked on in silence. “But I say, Moggy, perhaps it is as well for him not to find you on board.”

“What do I care?” replied Moggy. “He is more afraid of me than I of him; but, howsomever, it’s just as well not to be here, as it may get others into trouble. Mind you say at once it was me—I defy him.”

Moggy then wished them good-bye, and quitted the cutter, when she was met, as we have already observed, by Vanslyperken.

“Mein Gott! vat must be done now?” observed the corporal to those about him, looking at the mangy tail which still remained on the beef-block.

“Done, corporal!” replied Smallbones; “why you must come for to go for to complain on it, as he comes on board. You must take the tail, and tell the tale, and purtend to be angry and as sorry as himself, and damnherup in heaps. That’s what must be done.”

This was not bad advice on the part of Smallbones; the ship’s company agreed to it, and the corporal perceived the propriety of it.

In the meantime the dog had retreated to the cabin, and his howlings had gradually ceased; but he had left a track of blood along the deck, and down the ladder, which Dick Short perceiving, pointed to it, and cried out “Swabs.”

The men brought swabs aft and had cleaned the deck and the ladder down to the cabin door, when Mr Vanslyperken came on board.

“Has that woman been here?” inquired Mr Vanslyperken, as he came on deck.

“Yes,” replied Dick Short.

“Did not I give positive orders that she should not?” cried Vanslyperken.

“No,” replied Dick Short.

“Then I do now,” continued the lieutenant.

“Too late,” observed Short, shrugging up his shoulders, and walking forward.

“Too late! what does he mean?” said Vanslyperken, turning to Coble.

“I knows nothing about it, sir,” replied Coble. “She came for some of her husband’s things that were left on board.”

Vanslyperken turned round to look for the corporal for explanation.

There stood Corporal Van Spitter, perfectly erect, with a very melancholy face, one hand raised as usual to his cap, and the other occupied with the tail of Snarleyyow.

“What is it? what is the matter, corporal?”

“Mynheer Vanslyperken,” replied the corporal, retaining his respectful attitude, “here is de tail.”

“Tail! what tail?” exclaimed Vanslyperken, casting his eyes upon the contents of the corporal’s left hand.

“Te tog’s tail, mynheer,” replied the corporal, gravely, “which de dam tog’s wife—Moggy—”

Vanslyperken stared; he could scarcely credit his eyesight, but there it was. For a time he could not speak for agitation; at last, with a tremendous oath, he darted into the cabin.

What were his feelings when he beheld Snarleyyow lying in a corner tailless, with a puddle of blood behind him.

“My poor, poor dog!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, covering up his face.

His sorrow soon changed to rage—he invoked all the curses he could imagine upon Moggy’s head—he vowed revenge—he stamped with rage—and then he patted Snarleyyow; and as the beast looked wistfully in his face, Vanslyperken shed tears. “My poor, poor dog! first your eye—and now your tail—what will your persecutors require next? Perdition seize them! may perdition be my portion if I am not revenged. Smallbones is at the bottom of all this; I can—I will be revenged on him.”

Vanslyperken rang the bell, and the corporal made his appearance with the dog’s tail still in his hand.

“Lay it down on the table, corporal,” said Vanslyperken, mournfully, “and tell me how this happened.”

The corporal then entered into a long detail of the way in which the dog had been detailed—how he had been cutting up beef—and how, while his back was turned, and Snarleyyow, as usual, was at the block, picking up the bits, Moggy Salisbury, who had been allowed to come on board by Mr Short, had caught up the cleaver and chopped off the dog’s tail.

“Was Smallbones at the block?” inquired Vanslyperken.

“He was, mynheer,” replied the corporal.

“Who held the dog while his tail was chopped off?” inquired Vanslyperken; “some one must have held him.”

This was a home question but the corporal replied, “Yes, mynheer, some one must have held the dog.”

“You did not hear who it was, or if it were Smallbones?”

“I did not, mynheer,” replied the corporal: “but,” added he with a significant look, “I tink I could say.”

“Yes, yes, corporal I know who you mean. It was him—I am sure—and as sure as I sit here I’ll be revenged. Bring a swab, corporal, and wipe up all this blood. Do you think the poor animal will recover?”

“Yes, mynheer; there be togs with tail and togs without tail.”

“But the loss of blood—what must be done to stop the bleeding?”

“Dat damn woman Moggy, when I say te tog die—tog bleed to death, she say, tell Mynheer Vanslyperken dat de best ting for cure de cur be de red hot poker.”

Here Vanslyperken stamped his feet and swore horribly.

“She say, mynheer, it stop all de bleeding.”

“I wish she had a hot poker down her body,” exclaimed Vanslyperken, bitterly.

“Go for the swab, corporal, and send Smallbones here.”

Smallbones made his appearance.

“Did you come for—to want me, sir?”

“Yes, sir. I understand from the corporal that you held the dog while that woman cut off his tail.”

“If so be as how as the corporal says that ’ere,” cried Smallbones, striking the palm of his left hand with his right fist, “why I’m jiggered if he don’t tell a lie as big as himself—that’s all. That ’ere man is my mortal henemy; and if that ’ere dog gets into trouble I’m a sartain to be in trouble too. What should I cut the dog’s tail off for, I should like for to know? I ar’n’t so hungry as all that, any how.”

The idea of eating his dog’s tail increased the choler of Mr Vanslyperken. With looks of malignant vengeance he ordered Smallbones out of the cabin.

“Shall I shy this here overboard, sir?” said Smallbones, taking up the dog’s tail, which lay on the table.

“Drop it, sir,” roared Vanslyperken.

Smallbones walked away, grinning with delight, but his face was turned from Mr Vanslyperken.

The corporal returned, swabbed up the blood, and reported that the bleeding had stopped. Mr Vanslyperken had no further orders for him—he wished to be left alone. He leaned his head upon his hand, and remained for some time in a melancholy reverie, with his eyes fixed upon the tail, which lay before him—that tail, now a “bleeding piece of earth,” which never was to welcome him with a wag again. What passed in Vanslyperken’s mind during this time it would be too difficult and too long to repeat, for the mind flies over time and space with the rapidity of the lightning’s flash. At last he rose, took up the dog’s tail, put it into his pocket, went on deck, ordered his boat, and pulled on shore.

Chapter Thirty Seven.In which Mr Vanslyperken drives a very Hard Bargain.We will be just and candid in our opinion relative to the historical facts which we are now narrating. Party spirit, and various other feelings, independent of misrepresentation, do, at the time, induce people to form their judgment, to say the best, harshly, and but too often incorrectly. It is for posterity to calmly weigh the evidence handed down, and to examine into the merits of a case divested of party bias. Actuated by these feelings, we do not hesitate to assert, that, in the point at question, Mr Vanslyperken had great cause for being displeased; and that the conduct of Moggy Salisbury, in cutting off the tail of Snarleyyow, was, in our opinion, not justifiable.There is a respect for property, inculcated and protected by the law, which should never be departed from; and, whatever may have been the aggressions on the part of Mr Vanslyperken, or of the dog, still a tail is a tail, and whether mangy or not, isbonâ fidea part of the living body; and this aggression must inevitably come under the head of the cutting and maiming act, which act, however, it must, with the same candour which will ever guide our pen, be acknowledged, was not passed until a much later period than that to the history of which our narrative refers.Having thus, with all deference, offered our humble opinion, we shall revert to facts. Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, with the dog’s tail in his pocket. He walked with rapid strides towards the half-way houses, in one of which was the room tenanted by his aged mother; for, to whom else could he apply for consolation in this case of severe distress? That it was Moggy Salisbury who gave the cruel blow, was a fact completely substantiated by evidence; but that it was Smallbones who held the dog, and who thereby became a participator, and therefore equally culpable, was a surmise to which the insinuations of the corporal had given all the authority of direct evidence. And, as Mr Vanslyperken felt that Moggy was not only out of his power, but even if in his power, that he dare not retaliate upon her, for reasons which we have already explained to our readers; it was, therefore, clear to him, that Smallbones was the party upon whom his indignation could be the most safely vented; and, moreover, that in so doing, he was only paying off a long accumulating debt of hatred and ill-will. But, at the same time, Mr Vanslyperken had made up his mind that a lad who could be floated out to the Nab buoy and back again without sinking—who could have a bullet through his head without a mark remaining—and who could swallow a whole twopenny-worth of arsenic without feeling more than a twinge in his stomach, was not so very easy to be made away with. That the corporal’s vision was no fiction, was evident—the lad was not to be hurt by mortal man; but although the widow’s arsenic had failed, Mr Vanslyperken, in his superstition, accounted for it on the grounds that the woman was not the active agent on the occasion, having only prepared the herring, it not having been received from her hands by Smallbones. The reader may recollect that, in the last interview between Vanslyperken and his mother, the latter had thrown out hints that if she took Smallbones in hand he would not have such miraculous escapes as he had had, as, in all she undertook, she did her business thoroughly. Bearing this in mind, Mr Vanslyperken went to pour forth his sorrows, and to obtain the assistance of his much-to-be-respected and venerable mother.“Well, child, what is it—is it money you bring?” cried the old woman, when Vanslyperken entered the room.“No, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, throwing himself on the only chair in the room, except the one with the legs cut off half-way up, upon which his mother was accustomed to rock herself before the grate.“No, mother; but I have brought something—and I come to you for advice and assistance.”“Brought no money—yet brought something!—well, child, what have you brought?”“This!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, throwing the dog’s tail down upon the table.“This!” repeated the old beldame, lifting up the tail, and examining it as well as she could, as the vibration of her palsied members were communicated to the article—“and pray, child, what is this?”“Are you blind, old woman,” replied Vanslyperken in wrath, “not to perceive that it is my poor dog’s tail?”“Blind old woman! and dog’s tail, eh! Blind old woman, eh! Mr Cornelius, you dare to call me a blind old woman, and to bring here the mangy tail of a dog—and to lay it on my table! Is this your duty, sirrah? How dare you take such liberties? There, sir,” cried the hag in a rage, catching hold of the tail, and sending it flying out of the casement, which was open—“there, sir—and now you may follow your tail. D’ye hear?—leave the room instantly, or I’ll cleave your craven skull. Blind old woman, forsooth—undutiful child—”Vanslyperken, in spite of his mother’s indignation, could not prevent his eyes from following the tail of his dog, as it sailed through the ambient air surrounding the half-way houses, and was glad to observe it landed among some cabbage-leaves thrown into the road, without attracting notice. Satisfied that he should regain his treasure when he quitted the house, he now turned round to deprecate his mother’s wrath, who had not yet completed the sentence which we have quoted above.“I supplicate your pardon, my dear mother,” said Vanslyperken, who felt that in her present humour he was not likely to gain the point with her that he had in contemplation. “I was so vexed—so irritated—that I knew not what I was saying.”“Blind old woman, indeed!” repeated the beldame.“I again beg you to forgive me, dearest mother,” continued Vanslyperken.“All about a dog’s tail cut off. Better off than on—so much the less mange on the snarling cur.”This was touching up Vanslyperken on the raw; but he had a great object in view, and he restrained his feelings.“I was wrong, mother—very wrong—but I have done all I can, I have begged your pardon. I came here for your advice and assistance.”“What advice or assistance can you expect from a blind old woman?” retorted the old hag. “And what advice or assistance does so undutiful a child deserve?”It was some time before the ruffled temper of the beldame could be appeased: at last, Vanslyperken succeeded. He then entered into a detail of all that had passed, and concluded by observing, “that as Smallbones was not to be injured by mortal man, he had come to her for assistance.”“That is to say—you have come to me to ask me to knock the lad’s brains out—to take away his life—to murder him, in fact. Say, Cornelius, is it not so?”“It is exactly so, my dearest mother. I know your courage—your—”“Yes, yes, I understand all that: but, now hear me, child. There are deeds which are done, and which I have done, but those deeds are only done upon strong impulses. Murder is one; but people murder for two reasons only—for revenge and for gold. People don’t do such acts as are to torture their minds here, and perhaps be punished hereafter—that is, if there be one, child. I say, people don’t do such deeds as these, merely because a graceless son comes to them, and says, ‘If you please, mother.’ Do you understand that, child? I’ve blood enough on my hands already—good blood, too—they are not defiled with the scum of a parish boy, nor shall they be, without—”“Without what, mother?”“Have I not told you, Cornelius, that there are but two great excitements—revenge and gold? I have no revenge against the lad. If you have—if you consider that a dog’s tail demands a human victim—well and good—do the deed yourself.”“I would,” cried Vanslyperken, “but I have tried in vain. It must be done by woman.”“Then hear me, Cornelius; if it must be done by woman, you must find a woman to do it, and you must pay her for the deed. Murder is at a high price. You apply to me—I am content to do the deed; but I must have gold—and plenty too.”Vanslyperken paused before he replied. The old woman had charge of all his money—she was on the verge of the grave—for what could she require his gold?—could she be so foolish?—it was insanity. Vanslyperken was right—it was insanity, for avarice is no better.“Do you mean, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, “that you want gold from me?”“From whom else?” demanded the old woman, sharply.“Take it, then, mother—take as many pieces as you please.”“I must have all that there is in that chest, Cornelius.”“All, mother?”“Yes, all; and what is it, after all? What price is too high for blood which calls for retribution? Besides, Cornelius, it must be all yours again when I die; but I shall not die yet—no, no.”“Well, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, “if it must be so, it shall all be yours—not that I can see what difference it makes, whether it is called yours or mine.”“Then why not give it freely? Why do you hesitate to give to your poor old mother what may be again yours before the leaf again falls? Ask yourself why, Cornelius, and then you have my answer. The gold is here in my charge, but it is notmygold—it is yours. You little think how often I’ve laid in bed and longed that it was allmine. Then I would count it—count it again and again—watch over it, not as I do now, as a mere deposit in my charge, but as a mother would watch and smile upon her first-born child. There is a talisman in that wordmine, that not approachingdeathcan wean fromlife. It is our natures, child—say, then, is all that goldmine?”Vanslyperken paused; he also felt the magic of the word; and although it was but a nominal and temporary divestment of the property, even that gave him a severe struggle; but his avarice was overcome by his feelings of revenge, and he answered solemnly, “As I hope for revenge, mother, all that gold isyours, provided that you do the deed.”Here the old hag burst into a sort of shrieking laugh. “Send him here child;” and the almost unearthly cachinnation was continued—“send him here, child—I can’t go to seek him—and it is done—only bring him here.”So soon as this compact had been completed, Vanslyperken and his mother had a consultation; and it was agreed, that it would be advisable not to attempt the deed until the day before the cutter sailed, as it would remove all suspicion, and be supposed that the boy had deserted. This arrangement having been made, Vanslyperken made rather a hasty retreat. The fact was, that he was anxious to recover the fragment of Snarleyyow which his mother had so contemptuously thrown out of the casement.

We will be just and candid in our opinion relative to the historical facts which we are now narrating. Party spirit, and various other feelings, independent of misrepresentation, do, at the time, induce people to form their judgment, to say the best, harshly, and but too often incorrectly. It is for posterity to calmly weigh the evidence handed down, and to examine into the merits of a case divested of party bias. Actuated by these feelings, we do not hesitate to assert, that, in the point at question, Mr Vanslyperken had great cause for being displeased; and that the conduct of Moggy Salisbury, in cutting off the tail of Snarleyyow, was, in our opinion, not justifiable.

There is a respect for property, inculcated and protected by the law, which should never be departed from; and, whatever may have been the aggressions on the part of Mr Vanslyperken, or of the dog, still a tail is a tail, and whether mangy or not, isbonâ fidea part of the living body; and this aggression must inevitably come under the head of the cutting and maiming act, which act, however, it must, with the same candour which will ever guide our pen, be acknowledged, was not passed until a much later period than that to the history of which our narrative refers.

Having thus, with all deference, offered our humble opinion, we shall revert to facts. Mr Vanslyperken went on shore, with the dog’s tail in his pocket. He walked with rapid strides towards the half-way houses, in one of which was the room tenanted by his aged mother; for, to whom else could he apply for consolation in this case of severe distress? That it was Moggy Salisbury who gave the cruel blow, was a fact completely substantiated by evidence; but that it was Smallbones who held the dog, and who thereby became a participator, and therefore equally culpable, was a surmise to which the insinuations of the corporal had given all the authority of direct evidence. And, as Mr Vanslyperken felt that Moggy was not only out of his power, but even if in his power, that he dare not retaliate upon her, for reasons which we have already explained to our readers; it was, therefore, clear to him, that Smallbones was the party upon whom his indignation could be the most safely vented; and, moreover, that in so doing, he was only paying off a long accumulating debt of hatred and ill-will. But, at the same time, Mr Vanslyperken had made up his mind that a lad who could be floated out to the Nab buoy and back again without sinking—who could have a bullet through his head without a mark remaining—and who could swallow a whole twopenny-worth of arsenic without feeling more than a twinge in his stomach, was not so very easy to be made away with. That the corporal’s vision was no fiction, was evident—the lad was not to be hurt by mortal man; but although the widow’s arsenic had failed, Mr Vanslyperken, in his superstition, accounted for it on the grounds that the woman was not the active agent on the occasion, having only prepared the herring, it not having been received from her hands by Smallbones. The reader may recollect that, in the last interview between Vanslyperken and his mother, the latter had thrown out hints that if she took Smallbones in hand he would not have such miraculous escapes as he had had, as, in all she undertook, she did her business thoroughly. Bearing this in mind, Mr Vanslyperken went to pour forth his sorrows, and to obtain the assistance of his much-to-be-respected and venerable mother.

“Well, child, what is it—is it money you bring?” cried the old woman, when Vanslyperken entered the room.

“No, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, throwing himself on the only chair in the room, except the one with the legs cut off half-way up, upon which his mother was accustomed to rock herself before the grate.

“No, mother; but I have brought something—and I come to you for advice and assistance.”

“Brought no money—yet brought something!—well, child, what have you brought?”

“This!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, throwing the dog’s tail down upon the table.

“This!” repeated the old beldame, lifting up the tail, and examining it as well as she could, as the vibration of her palsied members were communicated to the article—“and pray, child, what is this?”

“Are you blind, old woman,” replied Vanslyperken in wrath, “not to perceive that it is my poor dog’s tail?”

“Blind old woman! and dog’s tail, eh! Blind old woman, eh! Mr Cornelius, you dare to call me a blind old woman, and to bring here the mangy tail of a dog—and to lay it on my table! Is this your duty, sirrah? How dare you take such liberties? There, sir,” cried the hag in a rage, catching hold of the tail, and sending it flying out of the casement, which was open—“there, sir—and now you may follow your tail. D’ye hear?—leave the room instantly, or I’ll cleave your craven skull. Blind old woman, forsooth—undutiful child—”

Vanslyperken, in spite of his mother’s indignation, could not prevent his eyes from following the tail of his dog, as it sailed through the ambient air surrounding the half-way houses, and was glad to observe it landed among some cabbage-leaves thrown into the road, without attracting notice. Satisfied that he should regain his treasure when he quitted the house, he now turned round to deprecate his mother’s wrath, who had not yet completed the sentence which we have quoted above.

“I supplicate your pardon, my dear mother,” said Vanslyperken, who felt that in her present humour he was not likely to gain the point with her that he had in contemplation. “I was so vexed—so irritated—that I knew not what I was saying.”

“Blind old woman, indeed!” repeated the beldame.

“I again beg you to forgive me, dearest mother,” continued Vanslyperken.

“All about a dog’s tail cut off. Better off than on—so much the less mange on the snarling cur.”

This was touching up Vanslyperken on the raw; but he had a great object in view, and he restrained his feelings.

“I was wrong, mother—very wrong—but I have done all I can, I have begged your pardon. I came here for your advice and assistance.”

“What advice or assistance can you expect from a blind old woman?” retorted the old hag. “And what advice or assistance does so undutiful a child deserve?”

It was some time before the ruffled temper of the beldame could be appeased: at last, Vanslyperken succeeded. He then entered into a detail of all that had passed, and concluded by observing, “that as Smallbones was not to be injured by mortal man, he had come to her for assistance.”

“That is to say—you have come to me to ask me to knock the lad’s brains out—to take away his life—to murder him, in fact. Say, Cornelius, is it not so?”

“It is exactly so, my dearest mother. I know your courage—your—”

“Yes, yes, I understand all that: but, now hear me, child. There are deeds which are done, and which I have done, but those deeds are only done upon strong impulses. Murder is one; but people murder for two reasons only—for revenge and for gold. People don’t do such acts as are to torture their minds here, and perhaps be punished hereafter—that is, if there be one, child. I say, people don’t do such deeds as these, merely because a graceless son comes to them, and says, ‘If you please, mother.’ Do you understand that, child? I’ve blood enough on my hands already—good blood, too—they are not defiled with the scum of a parish boy, nor shall they be, without—”

“Without what, mother?”

“Have I not told you, Cornelius, that there are but two great excitements—revenge and gold? I have no revenge against the lad. If you have—if you consider that a dog’s tail demands a human victim—well and good—do the deed yourself.”

“I would,” cried Vanslyperken, “but I have tried in vain. It must be done by woman.”

“Then hear me, Cornelius; if it must be done by woman, you must find a woman to do it, and you must pay her for the deed. Murder is at a high price. You apply to me—I am content to do the deed; but I must have gold—and plenty too.”

Vanslyperken paused before he replied. The old woman had charge of all his money—she was on the verge of the grave—for what could she require his gold?—could she be so foolish?—it was insanity. Vanslyperken was right—it was insanity, for avarice is no better.

“Do you mean, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, “that you want gold from me?”

“From whom else?” demanded the old woman, sharply.

“Take it, then, mother—take as many pieces as you please.”

“I must have all that there is in that chest, Cornelius.”

“All, mother?”

“Yes, all; and what is it, after all? What price is too high for blood which calls for retribution? Besides, Cornelius, it must be all yours again when I die; but I shall not die yet—no, no.”

“Well, mother,” replied Vanslyperken, “if it must be so, it shall all be yours—not that I can see what difference it makes, whether it is called yours or mine.”

“Then why not give it freely? Why do you hesitate to give to your poor old mother what may be again yours before the leaf again falls? Ask yourself why, Cornelius, and then you have my answer. The gold is here in my charge, but it is notmygold—it is yours. You little think how often I’ve laid in bed and longed that it was allmine. Then I would count it—count it again and again—watch over it, not as I do now, as a mere deposit in my charge, but as a mother would watch and smile upon her first-born child. There is a talisman in that wordmine, that not approachingdeathcan wean fromlife. It is our natures, child—say, then, is all that goldmine?”

Vanslyperken paused; he also felt the magic of the word; and although it was but a nominal and temporary divestment of the property, even that gave him a severe struggle; but his avarice was overcome by his feelings of revenge, and he answered solemnly, “As I hope for revenge, mother, all that gold isyours, provided that you do the deed.”

Here the old hag burst into a sort of shrieking laugh. “Send him here child;” and the almost unearthly cachinnation was continued—“send him here, child—I can’t go to seek him—and it is done—only bring him here.”

So soon as this compact had been completed, Vanslyperken and his mother had a consultation; and it was agreed, that it would be advisable not to attempt the deed until the day before the cutter sailed, as it would remove all suspicion, and be supposed that the boy had deserted. This arrangement having been made, Vanslyperken made rather a hasty retreat. The fact was, that he was anxious to recover the fragment of Snarleyyow which his mother had so contemptuously thrown out of the casement.

Chapter Thirty Eight.In which Mr Vanslyperken is taken for a Witch.Mr Vanslyperken hastened into the street, and walked towards the heap of cabbage-leaves, in which he observed the object of his wishes to have fallen; but there was some one there before him, an old sow, very busy groping among the refuse. Although Vanslyperken came on shore without even a stick in his hand, he had no fear of a pig, and walked up boldly to drive her away, fully convinced that, although she might like cabbage, not being exactly carnivorous, he should find the tailin statu quo. But it appeared that the sow not only would not stand being interfered with, but, moreover, was carnivorously inclined; for she was at that very moment routing the tail about with her nose, and received Vanslyperken’s advance with a very irascible grunt, throwing her head up at him with a savage augh? and then again busied herself with the fragment of Snarleyyow. Vanslyperken, who had started back, perceived that the sow was engaged with the very article in question; and finding it was a service of more danger than he had expected, picked up one or two large stones, and threw them at the animal to drive her away. This mode of attack had the effect desired in one respect; the sow made a retreat, but at the same time she would not retreat without thebonne bouche, which she carried away in her mouth.Vanslyperken followed: but the sow proved that she could fight as well as run, every minute turning round to bay, and chumping and grumbling in a very formidable manner. At last, after Vanslyperken had chased for a quarter of a mile, he received unexpected assistance from a large dog, who bounded from the side of the road, where he lay in the sun, and seizing the sow by the ear, made her drop the tail to save her own bacon.Vanslyperken was delighted: he hastened up as fast as he could to regain his treasure, when, to his mortification, the great dog, who had left the sow, arrived at the spot before him, and after smelling at the not one bone, but many bones of contention, he took it in his mouth, and trotted off to his former berth in the sunshine, laid himself down, and the tail before him.“Surely one dog won’t eat another dog’s tail,” thought Vanslyperken, as he walked up to the animal; but an eye like fire, a deep growl, and exposure of a range of teeth equal to a hyena’s, convinced Mr Vanslyperken that it would be wise to retreat—which he did, to a respectable distance, and attempted to coax the dog. “Poor doggy, there’s a dog,” cried. Vanslyperken, snapping his fingers, and approaching gradually. To his horror, the dog did the same thing exactly: he rose, and approached. Mr Vanslyperken gradually, and snapped his fingers: not content with that, he flew at him, and tore the shirt of his great-coat clean off, and also the hinder part of his trousers, for Mr Vanslyperken immediately turned tail, and the dog appeared resolved to have his tail as well as that of his darling cur. Satisfied with about half a yard of broadcloth as a trophy, the dog returned to his former situation, and remained with the tail of the coat and the tail of the cur before him, with his fierce eyes fixed upon Mr Vanslyperken, who had now retreated to a greater distance.But this transaction was not unobserved by several of the people who inhabited the street of cottages. Many eyes were directed to where Mr Vanslyperken and the sow and dog had been at issue, and many were the conjectures thereon.When the dog retreated with the skirt of the great coat, many came out to ascertain what was the cause of the dispute, and among others, the man to whom the dog belonged, and who lived at the cottage opposite to where the dog had lain down. He observed. Vanslyperken, looking very much like a vessel whose sails have been split in a gale, and very rueful at the same time, standing at a certain distance, quite undecided how to act, and he called out to him, “What is it you may want with my dog, man?”Man! Vanslyperken thought this designation an affront; whereas, in our opinion, Vanslyperken was an affront to the name of man. “Man!” exclaimed. Vanslyperken; “why your dog has taken my property!”“Then take your property,” replied the other, tossing to him the skirt of his coat, which he had taken from the dog.By this time there was a crowd collected from out of the various surrounding tenements.“That’s not all,” exclaimed Vanslyperken; “he has got my dog’s tail there.”“Your dog’s tail!” exclaimed the man, “what do you mean? Is it this ragged, mangy thing you would have?” and the man took the tail of Snarleyyow, and held it up to the view of the assembled crowd.“Yes,” replied Vanslyperken, coming towards the man with eagerness; “that is what I want,” and he held out his hand to receive it.“And pray, may I ask,” replied the other, looking very suspiciously at Vanslyperken, “what can you want with this piece of carrion?”“To make soup of,” replied another, laughing; “he can’t afford ox-tail.”Vanslyperken made an eager snatch at his treasure; but the man lifted it up on the other side, out of his reach.“Let us have a look at this chap,” said the first, examining Vanslyperken, whose peaked nose and chin, small ferret-eyes, and downcast look, were certainly not in his favour; neither were his old and now tattered habiliments. Certainly no one would have taken Vanslyperken for a king’s officer—unfortunately they took him for something else.“Now tell me, fellow, what were you going to do with this?” inquired the man in a severe tone.“I sha’n’t tell you,” replied Vanslyperken.“Why that’s the chap that I sees go in and out of the room where that old hell-fire witch lives, who curses all day long.”“I thought as much,” observed the man, who still held up the cur’s tail. “Now I appeal to you all, what can a fellow want with such a thing as this—ay, my good people, and want it so much too, as to risk being torn to pieces for it—if he ar’n’t inclined to evil practices?”“That’s sartain sure,” replied another.“A witch—a witch!” cried the whole crowd.“Let’s duck him—tie his thumbs—away with him—come along, my lads, away with him.”Although there were not, at the time we write about, regular witch-finders, as in the time of James the First, still the feeling against witches, and the belief that they practised, existed. They were no longer handed over to summary and capital punishment, but, whenever suspected, they were sure to meet with very rough treatment. Such was the fate of Mr Vanslyperken, who was now seized by the crowd, buffeted, and spit upon, and dragged to the parish pump, there being, fortunately for him, no horse-pond near. After having been well beaten, pelted with mud, his clothes torn off his back, his hat taken away and stamped upon, he was held under the pump and drenched for nearly half an hour, until he lay beneath the spout in a state of complete exhaustion. The crowd were then satisfied, and he was left to get away how he could, which he did, after a time, in a most deplorable plight, bare-headed, in his shirt and torn trousers. He contrived to walk as far as to the house where his mother resided, was admitted to her room, when he fell exhausted on the bed. The old woman was astonished: and having some gin in her cupboard, revived him by administering a small quantity, and, in the course of half an hour, Vanslyperken could tell his story; but all the consolation he received from the old beldame was, “Serve you right too, for being such an ass. I suppose you’ll be bringing the stupid people about my ears soon—they’ve hooted me before now. Ah, well—I’ll not be pumped upon for nothing—my knife is a sharp one.”Vanslyperken had clothes under his mother’s charge, and he dressed himself in another suit, and then hastened away, much mortified and confounded with the latter events of the day. The result of his arrangements with his mother was, however, a balm to his wounded spirit, and he looked upon Smallbones as already dead. He hastened down into his cabin, as soon as he arrived on board, to ascertain the condition of Snarleyyow, whom he found as well as could be expected, and occasionally making availing attempts to lick the stump of his tail.“My poor dog!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, “what have you suffered, and what have I suffered for you! Alas! if I am to suffer as I have to-day for only your tail, what shall I go through for your whole body!” And, as Vanslyperken recalled his misfortunes, so did his love increase for the animal who was the cause of them. Why so, we cannot tell, except that it has been so from the beginning, is so now, and always will be the case, for the best of all possible reasons—that it ishuman nature.

Mr Vanslyperken hastened into the street, and walked towards the heap of cabbage-leaves, in which he observed the object of his wishes to have fallen; but there was some one there before him, an old sow, very busy groping among the refuse. Although Vanslyperken came on shore without even a stick in his hand, he had no fear of a pig, and walked up boldly to drive her away, fully convinced that, although she might like cabbage, not being exactly carnivorous, he should find the tailin statu quo. But it appeared that the sow not only would not stand being interfered with, but, moreover, was carnivorously inclined; for she was at that very moment routing the tail about with her nose, and received Vanslyperken’s advance with a very irascible grunt, throwing her head up at him with a savage augh? and then again busied herself with the fragment of Snarleyyow. Vanslyperken, who had started back, perceived that the sow was engaged with the very article in question; and finding it was a service of more danger than he had expected, picked up one or two large stones, and threw them at the animal to drive her away. This mode of attack had the effect desired in one respect; the sow made a retreat, but at the same time she would not retreat without thebonne bouche, which she carried away in her mouth.

Vanslyperken followed: but the sow proved that she could fight as well as run, every minute turning round to bay, and chumping and grumbling in a very formidable manner. At last, after Vanslyperken had chased for a quarter of a mile, he received unexpected assistance from a large dog, who bounded from the side of the road, where he lay in the sun, and seizing the sow by the ear, made her drop the tail to save her own bacon.

Vanslyperken was delighted: he hastened up as fast as he could to regain his treasure, when, to his mortification, the great dog, who had left the sow, arrived at the spot before him, and after smelling at the not one bone, but many bones of contention, he took it in his mouth, and trotted off to his former berth in the sunshine, laid himself down, and the tail before him.

“Surely one dog won’t eat another dog’s tail,” thought Vanslyperken, as he walked up to the animal; but an eye like fire, a deep growl, and exposure of a range of teeth equal to a hyena’s, convinced Mr Vanslyperken that it would be wise to retreat—which he did, to a respectable distance, and attempted to coax the dog. “Poor doggy, there’s a dog,” cried. Vanslyperken, snapping his fingers, and approaching gradually. To his horror, the dog did the same thing exactly: he rose, and approached. Mr Vanslyperken gradually, and snapped his fingers: not content with that, he flew at him, and tore the shirt of his great-coat clean off, and also the hinder part of his trousers, for Mr Vanslyperken immediately turned tail, and the dog appeared resolved to have his tail as well as that of his darling cur. Satisfied with about half a yard of broadcloth as a trophy, the dog returned to his former situation, and remained with the tail of the coat and the tail of the cur before him, with his fierce eyes fixed upon Mr Vanslyperken, who had now retreated to a greater distance.

But this transaction was not unobserved by several of the people who inhabited the street of cottages. Many eyes were directed to where Mr Vanslyperken and the sow and dog had been at issue, and many were the conjectures thereon.

When the dog retreated with the skirt of the great coat, many came out to ascertain what was the cause of the dispute, and among others, the man to whom the dog belonged, and who lived at the cottage opposite to where the dog had lain down. He observed. Vanslyperken, looking very much like a vessel whose sails have been split in a gale, and very rueful at the same time, standing at a certain distance, quite undecided how to act, and he called out to him, “What is it you may want with my dog, man?”

Man! Vanslyperken thought this designation an affront; whereas, in our opinion, Vanslyperken was an affront to the name of man. “Man!” exclaimed. Vanslyperken; “why your dog has taken my property!”

“Then take your property,” replied the other, tossing to him the skirt of his coat, which he had taken from the dog.

By this time there was a crowd collected from out of the various surrounding tenements.

“That’s not all,” exclaimed Vanslyperken; “he has got my dog’s tail there.”

“Your dog’s tail!” exclaimed the man, “what do you mean? Is it this ragged, mangy thing you would have?” and the man took the tail of Snarleyyow, and held it up to the view of the assembled crowd.

“Yes,” replied Vanslyperken, coming towards the man with eagerness; “that is what I want,” and he held out his hand to receive it.

“And pray, may I ask,” replied the other, looking very suspiciously at Vanslyperken, “what can you want with this piece of carrion?”

“To make soup of,” replied another, laughing; “he can’t afford ox-tail.”

Vanslyperken made an eager snatch at his treasure; but the man lifted it up on the other side, out of his reach.

“Let us have a look at this chap,” said the first, examining Vanslyperken, whose peaked nose and chin, small ferret-eyes, and downcast look, were certainly not in his favour; neither were his old and now tattered habiliments. Certainly no one would have taken Vanslyperken for a king’s officer—unfortunately they took him for something else.

“Now tell me, fellow, what were you going to do with this?” inquired the man in a severe tone.

“I sha’n’t tell you,” replied Vanslyperken.

“Why that’s the chap that I sees go in and out of the room where that old hell-fire witch lives, who curses all day long.”

“I thought as much,” observed the man, who still held up the cur’s tail. “Now I appeal to you all, what can a fellow want with such a thing as this—ay, my good people, and want it so much too, as to risk being torn to pieces for it—if he ar’n’t inclined to evil practices?”

“That’s sartain sure,” replied another.

“A witch—a witch!” cried the whole crowd.

“Let’s duck him—tie his thumbs—away with him—come along, my lads, away with him.”

Although there were not, at the time we write about, regular witch-finders, as in the time of James the First, still the feeling against witches, and the belief that they practised, existed. They were no longer handed over to summary and capital punishment, but, whenever suspected, they were sure to meet with very rough treatment. Such was the fate of Mr Vanslyperken, who was now seized by the crowd, buffeted, and spit upon, and dragged to the parish pump, there being, fortunately for him, no horse-pond near. After having been well beaten, pelted with mud, his clothes torn off his back, his hat taken away and stamped upon, he was held under the pump and drenched for nearly half an hour, until he lay beneath the spout in a state of complete exhaustion. The crowd were then satisfied, and he was left to get away how he could, which he did, after a time, in a most deplorable plight, bare-headed, in his shirt and torn trousers. He contrived to walk as far as to the house where his mother resided, was admitted to her room, when he fell exhausted on the bed. The old woman was astonished: and having some gin in her cupboard, revived him by administering a small quantity, and, in the course of half an hour, Vanslyperken could tell his story; but all the consolation he received from the old beldame was, “Serve you right too, for being such an ass. I suppose you’ll be bringing the stupid people about my ears soon—they’ve hooted me before now. Ah, well—I’ll not be pumped upon for nothing—my knife is a sharp one.”

Vanslyperken had clothes under his mother’s charge, and he dressed himself in another suit, and then hastened away, much mortified and confounded with the latter events of the day. The result of his arrangements with his mother was, however, a balm to his wounded spirit, and he looked upon Smallbones as already dead. He hastened down into his cabin, as soon as he arrived on board, to ascertain the condition of Snarleyyow, whom he found as well as could be expected, and occasionally making availing attempts to lick the stump of his tail.

“My poor dog!” exclaimed Vanslyperken, “what have you suffered, and what have I suffered for you! Alas! if I am to suffer as I have to-day for only your tail, what shall I go through for your whole body!” And, as Vanslyperken recalled his misfortunes, so did his love increase for the animal who was the cause of them. Why so, we cannot tell, except that it has been so from the beginning, is so now, and always will be the case, for the best of all possible reasons—that it ishuman nature.

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