Scene.—The Simpson living-room, tidied table pushed back and Christmas tree decorated with home-made trimmings and presents tied in various ludicrous parcels.
Enter Minerva carrying dishpan with note attached.
Minerva—I go first because I’m the oldest.
Jennie(outside)—That ain’t no fair.
Minerva(finger to lips)—Hush, you don’t want to wake Ma. She didn’t come to bed until near morning (puts dishpan under tree). There, that’s a promise it’ll be mighty hard to keep for if there’s anything under the sun I hate doing it’s washing dishes. Three times a day and there’s 365 days in the year, that washes, let me see—three times five is fifteen, three times six is eighteen, and one to carry is nineteen, and three times three is nine and one’s ten. Good gracious, over a thousand times a year and eight in the family means eight plates, eight cups, eight—a million dishes! Oh dear, I wish our family was smaller.
Enter Sam with armful of wood
Sam—It takes a good sight longer for you to put a dishpan down than for me to drop this wood (slams it down). There’s the first load delivered on the contract. Gee, I wish there was a gaswell on our farm. Perhaps I could persuade Ma to use a coal-oil stove.
Enter Jennie with music roll
Jennie—Oh dear, how I hate practising, but Ma says she’s bound she’ll make a musicale out of me. Her chance is better now than it ever was before (puts it on tree).
Sam—Aw, Jen, why didn’t you choose something quiet? Do you want to drive us all insane listening to you running up and down those everlasting scales?
Jennie—It’s your own fault. You said we had to promise what we hate doin’ most and I’m sure—
Minerva—I must get the twins up.
Enter Bill with book-bag
Bill—I had an awful hunt for this bag. Well, I know one person who’ll be mighty glad I made this promise.
SamandJennie—Who?
Bill—The school-marm. And the strap will be gitten’ a rest, too, I’m thinkin’. Gee, when I grow up and git in for president I’m goin’ to have every school-marm in the States put in jail who gives homework (puts bag down).
Enter Bobby carrying large bar of soap and Betty with analarm clock
Bobby—You’ll not say I didn’t wash behind my ears again, Jennie. I’m goin’ to wash them every mornin’ the water isn’t froze in the pitcher.
Betty—And you can’t call me theepy-head neither cos I’m goin’ to get up first time I’m called every mornin’ ’cept Saturday (Minerva fastens clock on tree. Alarm goes off).
Minerva—There, that will waken Pa and Ma.
Bobby—Oh, oh, oh, look at all them presents. Let me see what are mine (goes to tree and examines parcels).
Sam(drags him away)—Here, Bobby, no peekin’ ’til Pa and Ma come.
Enter Pa and Ma
Pa—Laws-a-me, children, what are you doin’ out of bed and—
Ma—And in your nighties, too. You’ll catch your death of cold.
Pa—Yes, and wakin’—well, I swan, what are you doin’ with a woodpile under the tree?
Ma—And a dishpan and book-bag and and—
All—They’re your Christmas presents!
PaandMa—Our Christmas presents!
Sam(putting note in Pa’s hand)—Read and see.
Pa(reads)—“I promise to fill up the wood box every morning before school. Your lovin’ son, Sam.” Well now if that ain’t an original Christmas-box and a mighty good one, too.
Minerva—Here’s mine, Ma (hands the note).
Ma(reads)—
“Dear Ma, you need not ever fearThat the dishes won’t be done.For I’ll wash them throughout the yearAnd make believe it’s fun.”
“Dear Ma, you need not ever fearThat the dishes won’t be done.For I’ll wash them throughout the yearAnd make believe it’s fun.”
“Dear Ma, you need not ever fear
That the dishes won’t be done.
For I’ll wash them throughout the year
And make believe it’s fun.”
You dear child, give me a kiss. And to think you hate doin’ dishes so. This is what I call a noble sacrifice.
Minerva—Oh Ma, I’m so glad.
Bill(gives book-bag and note to Pa)—See what a smart boy I’m goin’ to turn into!
Pa(reads)—“ToMaandPa. I bet you won’t believe me, but I’m goin’ to get my homework up every night ’cept Friday as good as I can.—Bill.” That’s the way to talk,Bill. We’ll all be proud of you some day.
Jennie—Read mine, Ma, read mine.
Ma(reads)—“To whom it may conserve. I, Jennie Simpson, do promise to practice my music lessons faithlessly and preservingly every time Ma says I must. I hope she’ll be mercyfill.”
Ma—I will, Jennie, I promise. Bless your dear heart.
Bobby(takes his off tree)—Here’s mine! Here’s mine! (gives it to Pa).
Pa—Bless my soul! A cake of soap! (reads) “I’ll always keep behind my ears clean where it shows.—Bobby.”
Betty—And mine, and mine (gives to Ma).
Ma—Is that what I heard? (reads) I—I—Oh, I haven’t my glasses. You read it,Betty.
Betty—“I pwomith to git up when I’m called if I’m not too theepy” (all laugh).
Bobby—That ain’t no pwomise.
Pa—Yes it is. And now children, you’ve made your Ma and me happier than we’ve ever been in our lives.
Ma—Indeed you have. This shows us how much you love us better’n the costliest gifts in the world could have done.
Bobby—Can’t we get our presents, now?
All—Yes, yes (every one scrambles for presents at once and open them before audience, exclaiming together).
Minerva—A dress, a lovely party dress. Oh! Oh!
JennieandBetty—Oh the lovely furs (puts them on).
Bill—A hockey-stick. Ain’t it great!
Bobby—Look at my sled.
Pa—Now, boys as soon as you get dressed we’ll go out to the barn and I’ll show you some presents I’ve got for you.
Boys—Oh, goody, goody (Bill and Bobby start for door).
Sam—Hold on kids, before we go, let’s give three cheers for the best Christmas we’ve ever had in all our lives.
All—Hip, hip, hurrah! Hip, hip, hurrah!
CURTAIN
PLAYS, MONOLOGS, Etc.AS OUR WASHWOMAN SEES IT.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes. Nora is seen at the washboard at the home of Mrs. McNeal, where, amidst her work, she engages in a line of gossip concerning her patrons, that will make a hit with any audience. 25 cents.ASK OUIJA.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 8 minutes. A present-day girl illustrates to her friends the wonders of the Ouija board. Her comments on the mysteries of this present-day fad as she consults Ouija will delight any audience. 25 cents.COONTOWN TROUBLES.(Bugbee-Berg.) A lively black-face song given by Josephus Johnsing, Uncle Rastus and other Coontown folks. 35 cents.THE GREAT CHICKEN STEALING CASE OF EBENEZER COUNTY.(Walter Richardson.) A negro mock trial for 9 males, 2 females and jurors. Time, 35 minutes. Any ordinary room easily arranged. From start to finish this trial is ludicrous to the extreme and will bring roars of laughter from the audience. 25 cents.THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE OF RUMBOLD VS. RYEBOLD.(Walter Richardson.) A mock trial for 11 males and jury. The fun increases as the trial proceeds, and reaches a climax when the jury decides who stole the whiskey. 25 cents.HERE’S TO THE LAND OF THE STARS AND THE STRIPES.(Bugbee-Worrell.) Open your minstrel with this rousing patriotic song. Sheet music. 35 cents.THE KINK IN KIZZIE’S WEDDING.(Mary Bonham.) Time, 20 minutes. For 7 males and 5 females. A colored wedding that will convulse any audience with laughter. Said to be the funniest mock wedding ever produced. 25 cents.SHE SAYS SHE STUDIES.A monologue. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) A sentimental high-school girl seated with her books preparing the next day’s lessons, in a highly original and entertaining manner, expresses her views on the merits of her various studies and her unbiased opinion of her teachers, as she proceeds from book to book in the order of her recitation; but when she has finished, you will agree that she is very much more of an entertainer than a student. 25 cents.SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes. It is time for church and Susan, at her toilet, is excitedly calling for missing articles and her rapid line of gossip about her friends and of certain church activities will bring many a laugh. 25 cents.THAT AWFUL LETTER.A comedy of unusual merit, in one act. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) For five girls. Time, 30 minutes. Recommended for high schools, societies and churches. Elizabeth Norton, an accomplished college girl from the country, has been reluctantly and rudely invited to visit a city cousin, Margaret Neilson, whom she has never seen. Finding she is expected to be gawky and uneducated, Elizabeth acts the part perfectly. Developments follow thick and fast amid flashes of wit, humor and satire from Elizabeth, who at last reveals her real self. Margaret’s humiliation is complete and there is a happy ending. All the characters are good. The country cousin is a star. 25 cents.THE UNEXPECTED GUEST.A one-act comedy. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Six females. Time, 45 minutes. The unexpected arrival of an eccentric aunt throws a family into a state of excitement and dismay, but before the play is over the unwelcome aunt has endeared herself to her relatives in quite an unexpected manner. Funny situations throughout. 25 cents.Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio
AS OUR WASHWOMAN SEES IT.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes. Nora is seen at the washboard at the home of Mrs. McNeal, where, amidst her work, she engages in a line of gossip concerning her patrons, that will make a hit with any audience. 25 cents.
ASK OUIJA.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 8 minutes. A present-day girl illustrates to her friends the wonders of the Ouija board. Her comments on the mysteries of this present-day fad as she consults Ouija will delight any audience. 25 cents.
COONTOWN TROUBLES.(Bugbee-Berg.) A lively black-face song given by Josephus Johnsing, Uncle Rastus and other Coontown folks. 35 cents.
THE GREAT CHICKEN STEALING CASE OF EBENEZER COUNTY.(Walter Richardson.) A negro mock trial for 9 males, 2 females and jurors. Time, 35 minutes. Any ordinary room easily arranged. From start to finish this trial is ludicrous to the extreme and will bring roars of laughter from the audience. 25 cents.
THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE OF RUMBOLD VS. RYEBOLD.(Walter Richardson.) A mock trial for 11 males and jury. The fun increases as the trial proceeds, and reaches a climax when the jury decides who stole the whiskey. 25 cents.
HERE’S TO THE LAND OF THE STARS AND THE STRIPES.(Bugbee-Worrell.) Open your minstrel with this rousing patriotic song. Sheet music. 35 cents.
THE KINK IN KIZZIE’S WEDDING.(Mary Bonham.) Time, 20 minutes. For 7 males and 5 females. A colored wedding that will convulse any audience with laughter. Said to be the funniest mock wedding ever produced. 25 cents.
SHE SAYS SHE STUDIES.A monologue. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) A sentimental high-school girl seated with her books preparing the next day’s lessons, in a highly original and entertaining manner, expresses her views on the merits of her various studies and her unbiased opinion of her teachers, as she proceeds from book to book in the order of her recitation; but when she has finished, you will agree that she is very much more of an entertainer than a student. 25 cents.
SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes. It is time for church and Susan, at her toilet, is excitedly calling for missing articles and her rapid line of gossip about her friends and of certain church activities will bring many a laugh. 25 cents.
THAT AWFUL LETTER.A comedy of unusual merit, in one act. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) For five girls. Time, 30 minutes. Recommended for high schools, societies and churches. Elizabeth Norton, an accomplished college girl from the country, has been reluctantly and rudely invited to visit a city cousin, Margaret Neilson, whom she has never seen. Finding she is expected to be gawky and uneducated, Elizabeth acts the part perfectly. Developments follow thick and fast amid flashes of wit, humor and satire from Elizabeth, who at last reveals her real self. Margaret’s humiliation is complete and there is a happy ending. All the characters are good. The country cousin is a star. 25 cents.
THE UNEXPECTED GUEST.A one-act comedy. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Six females. Time, 45 minutes. The unexpected arrival of an eccentric aunt throws a family into a state of excitement and dismay, but before the play is over the unwelcome aunt has endeared herself to her relatives in quite an unexpected manner. Funny situations throughout. 25 cents.
Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio
CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENTSCHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) One of the most popular Christmas plays published, that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school” in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. 25c.CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S.(Elisabeth F. Guptill.) A Christmas play for young folks and children that is brimful of fun from start to close and is interspersed with the gentlest pathos. All the characters are good. Easy to produce. No special scenery or costumes. No Santa Claus. Can be played in any schoolroom. 25c.CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN’ AT SKAGGS’S SKULE.(Marie Irish.) Just published. Humorous entertainment for six boys and eight girls, including Ole, the Swede; Rastus, the negro; bashful Bill; Jeremiah Judkins, the skule clerk; Mis’ Skaggs and Mis’ Hill, the mothers who “help out;” fat little sister; Matildy and Florildy, the twins; Sam who st-t-tut-ters; Tiny, and Miss Emmeline Elkins, the teacher. The speech by the skule clerk and the fake Santy Claus are features. 25c.CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES.(Cecil J. Richmond.) Every dialogue in this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight both young and old. The book contains the following: Is There a Santa Clause? (2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus); Herbert’s Discovery (2 boys); The Christmas Dinner (2 little girls, 1 larger girl, and 2 boys); Playing Santa Claus (1 small and 2 larger boys); A Double Christmas Gift (2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 boys). Many customers have told us that the last named dialogue Is worth the price of the book. 25 cents.EVERGREEN AND HOLLY—SONG AND DRILL.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas song, which accompanies the drill. Easy to produce and decidedly novel. 25 cents.GOOD-BYE, CHRISTMAS GROUCHES.(Irish-Lyman.) A jolly Christmas song for any number of boys and girls. It abounds with Christmas cheer and many pleasant surprises. Full of action. Sheet music. This popular song will put “pep” in your Christmas entertainment and will furnish your audience a rare treat. 35 cents.POINSETTIA DRILL.(Marie Irish.) A drill for 12 or more girls carrying poinsettias. Given to the music of a lively march, interspersed with verses to the tune of the song. “Comin’ Through the Rye.” Several diagrams make clear the following of the directions. One of the most beautiful Christmas drills published. 25 cents.SANTA CLAUS IS COMING.(Irish-Garster.) Song for little folks. Easy words and simple action. A pleasing little song that the children will enjoy giving and others will enjoy hearing, because of its merry humor. Sheet music. 35 cents.STARS OF BETHLEHEM.(Irish-Leyman.) A beautiful song of the Christ Child for either solo or chorus. The music is sweet and perfectly suited to the beautiful words. A delightful number for children or adults. Sheet music. 35 cents.SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) For 4 boys and 4 girls. Time, 25 minutes. The roads being blocked by a recent snowstorm, the Simpson family has not been able to get to town to do their Christmas shopping. After considerable lamenting by the children over their disappointment, Ma Simpson, Pa Simpson, and the older children determine upon home-made presents, which results in a most pleasant surprise. 25 cents.TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS, A.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A decidedly humorous Christmas play for any number of children from six to twelve years old. The children are tired of “minding” and of everything being “just so,” so they start to find a place where things will be different. There is a pleasing surprise for the audience at every turn of the play. 25 cents.Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio
CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) One of the most popular Christmas plays published, that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school” in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. 25c.
CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S.(Elisabeth F. Guptill.) A Christmas play for young folks and children that is brimful of fun from start to close and is interspersed with the gentlest pathos. All the characters are good. Easy to produce. No special scenery or costumes. No Santa Claus. Can be played in any schoolroom. 25c.
CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN’ AT SKAGGS’S SKULE.(Marie Irish.) Just published. Humorous entertainment for six boys and eight girls, including Ole, the Swede; Rastus, the negro; bashful Bill; Jeremiah Judkins, the skule clerk; Mis’ Skaggs and Mis’ Hill, the mothers who “help out;” fat little sister; Matildy and Florildy, the twins; Sam who st-t-tut-ters; Tiny, and Miss Emmeline Elkins, the teacher. The speech by the skule clerk and the fake Santy Claus are features. 25c.
CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES.(Cecil J. Richmond.) Every dialogue in this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight both young and old. The book contains the following: Is There a Santa Clause? (2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus); Herbert’s Discovery (2 boys); The Christmas Dinner (2 little girls, 1 larger girl, and 2 boys); Playing Santa Claus (1 small and 2 larger boys); A Double Christmas Gift (2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 boys). Many customers have told us that the last named dialogue Is worth the price of the book. 25 cents.
EVERGREEN AND HOLLY—SONG AND DRILL.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas song, which accompanies the drill. Easy to produce and decidedly novel. 25 cents.
GOOD-BYE, CHRISTMAS GROUCHES.(Irish-Lyman.) A jolly Christmas song for any number of boys and girls. It abounds with Christmas cheer and many pleasant surprises. Full of action. Sheet music. This popular song will put “pep” in your Christmas entertainment and will furnish your audience a rare treat. 35 cents.
POINSETTIA DRILL.(Marie Irish.) A drill for 12 or more girls carrying poinsettias. Given to the music of a lively march, interspersed with verses to the tune of the song. “Comin’ Through the Rye.” Several diagrams make clear the following of the directions. One of the most beautiful Christmas drills published. 25 cents.
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING.(Irish-Garster.) Song for little folks. Easy words and simple action. A pleasing little song that the children will enjoy giving and others will enjoy hearing, because of its merry humor. Sheet music. 35 cents.
STARS OF BETHLEHEM.(Irish-Leyman.) A beautiful song of the Christ Child for either solo or chorus. The music is sweet and perfectly suited to the beautiful words. A delightful number for children or adults. Sheet music. 35 cents.
SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS.(Edna I. MacKenzie.) For 4 boys and 4 girls. Time, 25 minutes. The roads being blocked by a recent snowstorm, the Simpson family has not been able to get to town to do their Christmas shopping. After considerable lamenting by the children over their disappointment, Ma Simpson, Pa Simpson, and the older children determine upon home-made presents, which results in a most pleasant surprise. 25 cents.
TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS, A.(Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A decidedly humorous Christmas play for any number of children from six to twelve years old. The children are tired of “minding” and of everything being “just so,” so they start to find a place where things will be different. There is a pleasing surprise for the audience at every turn of the play. 25 cents.
Paine Publishing Company Dayton, Ohio