This applies to small parties at home or with friends, to receiving calls at home or in making an evening call. It should be appropriate to the season. Pretty wool goods, exquisitely made, in winter; organdies, grenadines and mulls for summer; laces, a modest bit of jewelry or a simple flower, and one is sufficiently well-gowned.
If the gathering is a little more formal, reception dresses may be worn by the matrons, while the young ladies garb themselves as for receiving at an afternoon tea.
If gloves are worn at all on such an occasion they must be light colored. They are really unnecessary, unless the taste of that especial "set" is very strongly in their favor. If in doubt, it is well to go furnished with a pair for use in case one finds all the guests gloved, and has not the moral courage to remain the exception.
Well-bred people attend church in simple costumes, free from display. These may be of rich materials, but they are quiet in color and make. Jewelry, other than a simple pin, should not be used; earrings, of course, if one is in the habit of wearing them, but not diamonds. The church is not the place to flaunt elegant attire in the face of less fortunate worshipers in the "I-am-richer-than-thou" style that marks theparvenu.
A lady with regular days for receiving calls wears a reception dress as before described. Casual callers she receives in her morning or afternoon house dress. Her morning dress, if she superintends her household affairs, should be plain and neat, and be so protected by cap and apron that by doffing these, she will be presentable in a moment.
Where there are no household cares, a daintier morning dress may be adopted, but let it be suitable to the occasion, not some old, half-worn finery revamped for the occasion. If visiting, a still richer gown may be worn, and for a late breakfast at a watering place one may be quite luxurious.
For morning calls dress quietly in promenade costume. Wear light-colored gloves unless in deep mourning. If driving, carriage dress may be worn. For day receptions the dress may be more elaborate and the bonnet more "dressy."
By not carefully distinguishing between the gowns for different occasions and over-dressing at all times, women lose all the advantages of contrast in style. If lace and silk are worn indiscriminately, what is there left for the full dress function?
This should be plain—tailor-made is the best—walking length, and of good material. "Fussy" styles should not be chosen for street wear, and the hat or bonnet should be rather plain and harmonize with the gown.
There is much more latitude for display permitted by the carriage dress. Rich materials, elegant wraps, costly furs, are all allowable here.
Coaching parties, too, have grown to be occasions for most gorgeous costuming. Every hue of the rainbow is to be seen as the lofty tally-ho rolls past, until, so great has become the license of color and richness of material, that the "four hundred" are calling a halt, and soberer tints are beginning to mark this amusement.
Do not wear too many fluttering ribbons, especially if occupying that coveted position—the box seat. It does not add to the skill and accuracy of the driver at a critical moment to have a fluttering ribbon cut like a whip-lash across his eyes.
This should be the sort of gown most appropriate and becoming to the attitude of repentance. The gowns, of course, are simple, quietaffairs. Symphonies in gray, poems in black and white, must, says one writer, "reflect in their construction as well as color the soberness of the event which they will grace. A train is always admissible for the Lenten robe—that is, if it is for house wear. Otherwise the skirt must be short—quite short enough, indeed, to give one's churchwomen a glimpse of a dainty gray or black walking boot."
Any of the heliotrope, mauve or pansy shades, also, are appropriate expressions of the sorrow of the fashionable woman, thus giving a color scheme capable of the most exquisite effects. White cashmere is well suited for the house; and very little draperies, but long, straight lines, give the sought-after effect, and thus the dainty chrysalis rests during the forty days that precede the unfolding of the gorgeous wings of the Easter butterfly.
The riding-habit should be made of broadcloth or some other suitable cloth. The skirt should be weighted by sewing shot in the lower edge of the left-hand breadths. Equestrian tights should be worn. The habit is sometimes worn over another dress-skirt, when, in case of dismounting or accident, the habit-skirt can be slipped off and the rider still left properly attired.
Very long skirts are not worn. The habit should fit perfectly and button to the throat. Linen collar, a pretty tie and linen cuffs are worn, and a leather glove with gauntlet. The hat should be plain, and of the prevailing fashion.
The dress for these occasions has been already described; sufficient here to say it should be light and graceful, and the bonnet or hat ornamental and effective.
Light-weight wool goods, or heavy cotton or linen material that will wash and not tear easily, is most suitable for these occasions. Linen or cotton duck is very serviceable.
All of these semi-athletic games call for bright, pretty costumes, short enough to give the freedom of movement necessary to excel in the game. For summer out-of-door games, pliable gloves should be worn, and a hat to protect the eyes from the sun. For skating, rich, warm materials, fur trimmings, fur caps, and warm, furred gauntlets should be worn.
Bathing calls for a costume of some material that will not cling to the form when wet. Flannel is appropriate, and a heavy quantity of mohair also makes a successful dress, as it resists water and has no clinging qualities. An oil-silk cap should be worn over the hair. The cut of the dress should be modest; the costume loose and full, and it should be made with a skirt. The neck should be cut quite high.
This is a pretty, nautically devised and ornamented suit, made of warm materials and those that will stand sea water.
The subject of dress, while not so complex for a man as for a woman, must still receive a certain amount of care at his hands, for no gentleman can possess complete disregard of reigning styles without thereby sacrificing a certain amount of dignity in the estimation of his associates.
As far as the cardinal points of the toilet extend, a man is bound by the same laws of exquisite neatness that are incumbent upon a woman. The same care of teeth, finger-nails, hands and hair is necessary. Don't neglect the small hairs that sometimes project from the nostrils and the apertures of the ears. Use a small pair of scissors.
A gentleman will have spotless collars, cuffs and handkerchiefs, irreproachable gloves, nicely blackened shoes and thoroughly brushed clothes. Hair oil must never be used; it is ill-bred.
Clothes of plain colors are always in good taste, and so is pure white linen. The fancy dotted and striped collars, cuffs and bosoms, so often worn, are not as good taste.
Jewelry should be used very sparingly. Utility should be apparent in the articles worn. Watch chain, sleeve buttons and studs (one or three, as liked) are necessary. Where one stud is used, the stone, though not conspicuous for size, should be a very fine one. A scarf pin is sometimes worn, and one ring is allowable, but not too large or showy. Don't use quantities of perfumery, it is very bad taste.
Keep a dressing-gown for use in the dressing-room or the sick-room. It is not a proper garment for the table or the sitting-room.
Wear the hat properly and squarely upon the head. Wear a coat at all proper times—in the sitting-room, drawing-room, and at table.
Lastly, a gentleman avoids all conspicuous styles of dress, and confines himself to quiet colors and well-fitting, well-cared-for garments.
The evening dress for gentlemen varies very little from year to year, and the time of wearing it varies not at all. From "dusk to dawn," in other words, a gentleman wears a dress suit during the same hours that a lady wears an evening dress.
Gentlemen's evening dress consists of black trousers, a low-cut black or white vest, dress or "swallow-tail" coat, and white necktie. The linen must be immaculate. A young man wears a standing collar; an elderly man, if he choose, may wear his favorite style, with due deference to the reigning style. One or three studs adorn the bosom.
Properly speaking, white or very light kid gloves are a part of evening dress, but to say whether or not they shall be worn always at a formal dinner is hardly safe. If worn, remove them at the table; but at a ball they are indispensable. On all doubtful occasions it is well to be provided with a pair, to use if wished.
Evening dress is to be worn at balls, large dinners, parties and the opera. It is never worn at church, save in case of an evening wedding.It is never worn anywhere on Sunday. In a small town a dress suit on any occasion is apt to seem an affectation. Never wear a dress suit anywhere before six o'clock in the evening.
"A gentleman never looks more thoroughly a gentleman than in an evening dress," says one writer on etiquette, and it is well for those to whom the occasion is liable to come to learn to wear one gracefully and easily.
In France a dress suit is worn upon nearly all festive occasions. In England the same customs prevail for its use as in our own country.
Black cutaway, or Prince Albert coat (frock coat), black vest, white in summer, light-colored trousers, silk or some other style of stiff hat, and a black necktie. A light coat is never worn with black trousers. This morning dress is worn at church, morning receptions, informal parties, garden parties, when making calls, and at places of amusement.
At morning weddings, that is, all weddings before six o'clock, the gentlemen, bridegroom, best man, and all, wear morning dress with light-colored ties. If gloves are worn, light-colored ones must be selected. If there is a formal reception held in the evening, evening dress and white or very pale gloves may then be worn. At an evening wedding, evening dress is expected.
Gentlemen wear gloves when walking, riding, or driving, at church and all places of amusement, when making calls, and at receptions, balls and evening parties. White or very pale tints for balls and weddings; delicate tints for evening parties; any shade preferred for the other occasions.
A silk hat should only be worn on appropriate occasions. Worn with a rough business suit, or on a picnic or mountain ramble, it is inthe worst possible taste. It should appear only with frock coats, dress coats and a fine quality of cloth.
Felt or straw hats should be worn with short coats or business suits.
The mourning weed, conventionally speaking, is worn only on a silk hat; but there is no good reason why those who wish to wear mourning for lost friends should always be in dress of ceremony so to do.
Diamonds should not be worn during business hours by men who are obliged to stand behind counters or engage in any toil.
Business suits should never be worn to an evening party in the city, though in small country gatherings they might be permissible.
Even various styles of outing suits are allowable in some of the informal gatherings at summer resorts.
"Nice customs courtesy to great kings," or to occasions.
This is black cloth with the rough surface that is seen in the material used for grown-up, evening clothes. His trousers are the proper width and show a slight but not too pronounced crease. His waistcoat is cut low, and over it he wears an Eton jacket of black cloth that is accentuated by the deep white linen collar which turns over it, and which is attached, like his cuffs, to his immaculate white shirt.
He scorns all jewelry but a little watch and the white enamel buttons that are in his shirt. His silk hat has a lower and a somewhat broader crown than that made for an older gentleman.
A suit like this is worn by a boy from the time he is twelve until he is eighteen, and then he is supposed to assume the regulation evening dress worn by men.
Letter Writing
“LETTERS are the memory of friendship," and are to be reckoned among the chief links in the social chain that binds parent and child, lover and sweetheart, friend and friend, in harmonious accord.
A letter may, from a business point of view, make or mar the fortunes of its sender, while none the less surely, from a social standard, will our epistles approve or condemn our claim for consideration. Every position in life, and every occasion which may arise therein, demand more or less exercise of our epistolary powers, and while but few can hope for the grace, the wit, the repartee that sparkle in the missives of a de Staël, a Récamier, a Walpole, a Macaulay, every one can and should learn to write a clear, concise, intelligent, appropriate letter.
To do this properly is a social accomplishment, and one of the greatest boons that education confers. A graceful note, a kindly, sparkling letter, are each the exponent of a true lady or gentleman, though it must be confessed, since our country furnishes no so-called "leisure class," the art of letter-writing has, in great measure, fallen into feminine hands, the cares of business and professional life ofttimes preventing the sterner half of creation from mere friendly exercise of the pen. It is among women, therefore, that we will find in the present, as we have found in the past, the best and most fluent of correspondents.
A certain dread of letter-writing, however, seems to haunt a large class of people. This dread, arising either from imperfect education, a lack of practice or a fear of "nothing to say," can be overcome in great measure by careful study of the few main requisites of the art,as embraced in style, orthography, forms to be adopted and stationery to be used for certain occasions.
of course, is a subtle something inherent in each individual, not to be entirely done away with in any case, but to be improved by a careful study of good models, such, for example, as the letters of the above mentioned authors. To read the best prose writers also cannot fail to work an improvement. For instance, the writer once, after an enthusiastic study of Taine, was rewarded by the assurance from a literary correspondent that her letters were thoroughly "Tainesque" in style.
By judicious reading and carefully taking thought, an abrupt style may be softened and more graceful, flowing sentences substituted for its short, sharp phrases; while a redundant style, by the same care, may be pruned of its exuberance.
The chief charm of a letter consists in it being written naturally and as one would talk. "We should write as we speak, and that's a true familiar letter which expresseth a man's mind as if he were discoursing with the party to whom he writes," says Howell, and, ancient as the words are, no better advice can be given to-day.
Write easily, and never simply for effect; this gives a constrained, stilted style that will soon cool the correspondence. Let your thoughts flow as they would were you conversing with your friend, but do not gossip; give friendly intelligence only when certain of its truth. This will not seem too much when it is remembered how written words sometimes rise up in judgment against their authors when the spoken words would long since have been forgotten. A lapse of time will brush the bloom from our sentences and nothing can bring back again the tender grace that transfigured the over-sweetness of some little written sentiment, or redeem it from the realm of the bombastic in our eyes to-day. Then "let your communications be, not exactly 'yea and nay,' but do let them be such that you would not fear to hear them read aloud before you, for more than this 'cometh of evil.'"
These are my keepsakes
“THESE ARE MY KEEPSAKES.”
These should receive most careful attention. "A great author is one," according to Taine, "who, having passions, knows also his dictionary and grammar." And a good letter-writer, as well, must "know his dictionary and grammar" to render his missives presentable.
Grammatical errors are almost unpardonable, and a misspelled word is an actual crime in these days of dictionaries. Punctuation and capitalization, too, must be looked after, and the whole letter give evidence of thought and care on the writer's part.
are all of importance, and etiquette has prescribed certain formulas for these adjuncts of a good letter, that, however the vagaries of fashion may invade the outer borders of the realm epistolary, are always correct and in good style.
The paper in best taste is thick, white or creamy-tinted, unruled and of such a size as to fold once for fitting square-shaped envelopes, creamy-white like the paper. Never use envelopes so thin in quality as to permit the writing to be seen through from the outside. The square envelope is not a necessity; the slightly oblong is also used, the paper being folded twice to fit this size.
This paper would be suitable and in perfect style in any portion of the civilized world, and on any occasion, and no one with any pretensions to good breeding should be found unsupplied. This is an item in which we cannot afford to economize, for one judges a lady or gentleman, unconsciously, by the contents of his or her writing desk, as exemplified by the letters sent from their hands.
Monograms are not entirely "out," but they are only used by those to whom their own especial design, through long use, has come to seem almost a part of themselves. All fleeting fancies in stationery should be passed by on the other side, or, at most, left to the wayward tastes of "sweet sixteen," or to some few whose very eccentricities are part of their fame. Sarah Bernhardt, for instance, usesblue paper framed in a pale gray line on the top of the page, and the flap of the envelope is a tragic mark, above which her initials are traversed by a scroll bearing her motto, "Quand même." She is as exact, however, in the formulas of her letters as any dowager of the old school. The Royal Highnesses of England use the paper and square envelopes before described; initials, monograms and crests are left to foreigners and outsiders, and the Orléans family, of France, are severely plain in their choice of stationery.
Incorrect Mode of Holding the PenINCORRECT MODE OF HOLDINGTHE PEN.Proper Mode of Holding the PenPROPER MODE OF HOLDINGTHE PEN.Correct Position of the HandCORRECT POSITION OF THE HAND.
Given the correct paper and envelopes and plain, jet-black ink (no other tint should ever be used), the penmanship must next be considered. It is very well for Madame Bernhardt to write an elegant, graceful hand that is absolutely impossible to decipher, and for General Bourbaki to indite his epistles in a microscopically minute script, but less important people will do well to render their chirography as perfect and legible as possible, and not to flourish.
Avoid always too near an approach to the clerkly, commercial hand. A talented foreigner once remarked to the writer upon his astonishment at the predominance of this hand in America. "I do not like it," he said; "the clerk sends me in my rates, the landlord my bill, and the young lady her reply to my invitation, all in that same commercial hand. There is no individuality, no character, in such writing." And there was too much reason in his remonstrance. We are not quite "a nation of shopkeepers," and there is no reason why this business handwriting should so permeate all classes of society.
The lines should be straight, and as ruled paper is not permissible in formal notes, invitations or punctilious correspondence, savoring toonearly of the school-room and the counting-house, some little practice may be necessary to keep the lines even. Should this prove impossible, let a sheet of paper with heavily ruled black lines that will show through the writing paper, be kept in the desk and slipped beneath the page as a guide. It may also be inserted in the envelope to keep the superscription or address perfectly straight.
The lines should be rather far apart, and the fashionable hand just now is not the pointed English style, but somewhat verging on the large, round hand of the last century; the ladies, as a rule, indulging in a rather masculine style.
Proper Position of a Lady in WritingPROPER POSITION OF A LADY IN WRITING.
Thin foreign note paper may be used for letters abroad, unless the most formal. This is usually ruled. So is the commercial note used for business letters.
These forms answer for ladies and gentlemen alike. There is no particular objection to gentlemen using in their informal friendly letters, business note with printed letter head, but for ceremonious occasions they must be bound by the foregoing forms.
Very faintly perfumed paper is the prerogative of the ladies. Gentlemen are denied this privilege and a lady avails herself of it with discretion, selecting a favorite odor and adhering closely to it, so that correspondents could tell her missives with closed eyes, by their very fragrance.
Where black-edged paper and envelopes are used by persons in mourning, the width of the black border varies according to the nearness of the deceased relative or the length of time since the loss, though some never use more than the narrowest line of black, while others still, with the most perfect propriety, discard it altogether. Itsuse is a matter of taste simply, and must cease so soon as the mourning garb is dropped. Never be guilty, however, of writing a letter of congratulation on black-edged paper, even if in mourning; use plain white for this purpose. At the same time, it is never necessary to write a letter of condolence on black-bordered paper, unless the writer himself is in mourning.
Improper and Proper Positions
IMPROPER POSITION.PROPER POSITION.
The careful writing of a note or letter is a mark of respect to the recipient, and blots, erasures and mended words should never be permitted to disfigure it. Erasing cannot be done without marring the entire page and a mended or rewritten word is an offense to the eye. To copy the letter afresh is the only real remedy, and those who value their own standing will not grudge the pains spent in the composition of a letter that shall be a credit to the writer and a pleasure to the receiver.
This comes under the general recommendation of doing everything you do as it ought to be done. There should be no slipshod way of writing a letter by which you are to be judged.
Figures and abbreviations are often used. Few numerals are allowable, except the dates, the street number and the hour of the day. Very large sums of money are also stated in figures unless they begin a sentence, when all numbers must be written out fully. Figures are also preferable in uneven sums of money too long to be written with one, or at most two words; per cent., as well, is rulable in figures. Degrees should be either written "75°," or "seventy-five degrees." Fractions, given alone, should be in words, and all other numerals occurring in a letter must follow the same rule, except quotations from stock and market reports. For extra precaution, sometimes sums of money are written, followed by figures representing the same, in parenthesis.
Abbreviations proper to social and formal letter-writing are few in number. Honorary titles, such as Dr., Prof., Hon., Rev., Messrs., Esq., Capt., etc., are usually abbreviated as above, though very good authorities advocate, and with much reason, the use of the full word "Reverend," as also the titles "Honorable" and "Professor." The scholastic titles are also abbreviated by the proper initials, as A.M., M.D., LL.D., following the name. The names of months, of states, the words "County" and "Post Office," when used on the superscription are also abbreviated.
The use of A.M., M., P.M., to mark the divisions of the day, technical abbreviations, and the usual e.g., i.e., viz., etc., are too familiar to the users to need mention. Further than the above, brevity isnotalways the soul of wit.
The letter itself, as a whole, is now to be considered, and to facilitate its writing there should be some one corner in every home devoted to this purpose. The incentive to letter-writing is always damped, the happy thought we would send our friend takes flight, if we must find the pens upstairs, the paper down, the ink bottle in the pantry, empty or not, as the case may be, and our patience wherever it may be after the search is ended.
A Scrap of a Letter
A SCRAP OF A LETTER.
Letters would be more frequently written, more punctually answered, and half the unreasonable dread of writing done away with, were this matter attended to properly. Let the writing desk stand in some well-lighted corner of sitting, dining, or "mother's" room, and let it be stored with all articles necessary to the exigencies of correspondence. Should the desk prove beyond the depth of the family purse, then let its substitute be found in a firm, good-sized table or stand, with a drawer where necessary supplies may be kept. Two or moresizes of note paper, unruled, with envelopes to match, for the elders of the household; writing tablets and commercial note, together with plain envelopes, for the school-children and everyday uses; a good dictionary, a tray with pen rack and inkstand thereon, and a goodly supply of pens, will complete a corner that will do more toward the family education in good breeding and culture than any other expenditure that can be made, and will render letter-writing the pleasure it should be, instead of the dread it too often is.
If one possesses a permanent address, street, number and city may, with great propriety, be engraved on the paper at the top of the sheet. If this is not done the address should always be written clearly on all letters. It is too much to expect one's friends to remember the private addresses of all their correspondents, and time is too precious to be spent searching out some missing letter in quest of street or number, in default of which more than one letter has gone unanswered.
The date of a letter, month, day, year and city is first in place. This should be written on one line, beginning, according to length, more or less near the center of the sheet and ending at the right-hand margin. In business letters, unless the printed letter head fixes the place, this line should not be more than one-quarter down the page; while in social or formal letters it should be one-third the distance down. If it should be desirable to give the county also, the date may be allowed to occupy two or more lines, as follows:
Mendota, La Salle Co., Ill., May 29, 189-.
Mendota, La Salle Co., Ill., May 29, 189-.
In the same manner a city number and address may be given:
309Post Street, Ottawa, Ill., January 30, 189-.
309Post Street, Ottawa, Ill., January 30, 189-.
In writing from hotels, the following form should be adopted:
The Arlington, Binghamton, N.Y., October 3, 189-.
The Arlington, Binghamton, N.Y., October 3, 189-.
Some, in polite letter-writing, prefer to give the address at the conclusion rather than the beginning of the letter. Under these circumstances the prescribed form would be:
Truly your friend,Mary N. Prescott.Franklin Grove, Lee Co., Ill., January 14, 189-.
Truly your friend,Mary N. Prescott.
Franklin Grove, Lee Co., Ill., January 14, 189-.
There are several ways of writing the figures that compose the date of a letter. Many business men and others use this form, 1-2-189-, or, 1/2/9-, for January 2, 189-. Others still would write as follows: Jan. 2nd, 1896. Taste and habit will decide the matter for each. To give the name instead of the number of the month is, perhaps, more elegant.
The address, supposing it to be a business letter would come next in order, beginning at the left-hand margin, and our letter would stand thus:
Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189-.Mr. William H. Hill,307 Wall Street, New York.
Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189-.
Mr. William H. Hill,307 Wall Street, New York.
The salutation is a matter wherein there is great latitude of usage. In conformity with custom, some title is to be used in addressing correspondents, and this title differs greatly in accordance with the degree of acquaintance, or friendship, with the party addressed. It should always begin at the left of the page. In the business letter just above, the form might be as follows:
Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189-.Mr. William H. Hill,307 Wall Street, New York.Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)
Tipton, Iowa, April 1, 189-.
Mr. William H. Hill,307 Wall Street, New York.
Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)
Or, if there should be a firm name, the address would be as follows:
Messrs.Williams & Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York.Dear Sirs: (or,Sirs:) (or,Gentlemen:)
Messrs.Williams & Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York.
Dear Sirs: (or,Sirs:) (or,Gentlemen:)
Again, if wished, the salutation might be omitted and the address made to serve as title. Another form is this:
Mr. William H. Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York.Mr. Hill:
Mr. William H. Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York.Mr. Hill:
The following form, though causing an unpleasant repetition of the name, is often adopted in business letters to unmarried ladies, probably to escape the problem that the choice of Miss or Madam offers to so many:
305Beacon Street, Boston, Mass., February 10, 189-.Miss Mary Wright, Cherry Valley, Ill.Miss Wright:
305Beacon Street, Boston, Mass., February 10, 189-.
Miss Mary Wright, Cherry Valley, Ill.Miss Wright:
Or, omitting the name, the simple address may be used. However, there need not be the slightest difficulty in addressing an unmarried lady, even should she be in her teens, as "Madam," or "Dear Madam," it being a general term as applicable to women without regard to age or condition, as "Sir" is to their brethren. This will be easily seen when it is recollected that it is a derivation fromma dame, my lady, and since our language is deficient in any equivalent term to the pretty FrenchMademoiselle, or the German,Fräulein, and, as "Dear Miss" is obsolete, we must be content to utilize "Madam" on all necessary occasions. There is another form much used where the address is omitted:
305Michigan Avenue, Chicago, July 10, 189-.Miss Halstead. Dear Madam:
305Michigan Avenue, Chicago, July 10, 189-.
Miss Halstead. Dear Madam:
Or, if on friendly footing, simply:Dear Miss Halstead:
If two young ladies are to be addressed, the term "Misses" should be used, as:
Havana, Ill., February 20, 189-.Misses Taylor & Watson, Stenographers,159 Church Street, Rockford, Ill.Mesdames:
Havana, Ill., February 20, 189-.
Misses Taylor & Watson, Stenographers,159 Church Street, Rockford, Ill.Mesdames:
The "Mesdames" may be omitted and the address used alone, but its addition indicates more polish. The translation is "My Ladies." Some substitute for it, simply "Ladies," which is quite proper.
The prefix "Dear" may be omitted wherever desirable, but never write "Mydear Miss Halstead," "Mydear Madam," or "Mydear Sir," unless intimately acquainted.
In writing a social letter the address is omitted or added at close of the letter. A gentleman in private or professional life would be addressed as:
Frederic Guy, Esq.Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)
Frederic Guy, Esq.Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)
Or,
Hon. Frederic Guy.Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)Respectfully yours,John Graceland.
Hon. Frederic Guy.Dear Sir: (or,Sir:)
Respectfully yours,John Graceland.
The use of titles will be explained farther on, but here it may besaid that two titles are very seldom given to the same individual at once. For instance, never write Mr. Fred. Guy, Esq., nor Hon. Mr. Fred. Guy. There are some exceptions to this rule, as where the Rev. Mr. Churchill and the Hon. Mr. Brice are addressed under circumstances where their Christian name is unknown, and where a married lady makes use of her husband's title, as: Mrs. Capt. Jones; Mrs. Judge Snyder, and where the Rev. Prof. Dr. Kemp shows by his titles the weight of his learning. Never deny an individual the titles that are rightfully his. They show that he has fought and conquered men, or books, to win them, and they are the well-earned meed of his endeavor. But never, if you have titles, be guilty of bestowing them on yourself; leave that for others.
A gentleman writing to a married lady would address her in friendly correspondence as, "Dear Mrs. French," or, "My dear Mrs. French." To an unmarried lady, "Dear Miss French," or "My dear Miss French." A lady addresses a gentleman in the same fashion, as "Dear Mr. Courtney," or "My dear Mr. Courtney," or "Dear Dr. Courtney."
Nearer degrees of intimacy, of course, formulate their own laws in this regard, but even here, be it said, that discretion may be exercised to advantage. It will also be observed that if the word "dear," or any like term, begins the salutation it is capitalized; otherwise, not. Thus: "My dear Friend;" not "My Dear Friend." Authorities on etiquette differ somewhat on this score, different works in the author's possession taking exactly opposite sides, the weight of evidence, however, falling on the form given here.
The complimentary conclusion, "Yours truly," "Very truly yours," "Very respectfully," etc., should begin about the middle of the page on the next line below the body of the letter. The first word only should be capitalized, and the expression followed by a comma. The signature should come on the line below and end at the right-hand margin of the page. The address also is sometimes, especially in social notes given at the conclusion, where it should begin, one or twolines below the signature, at the left-hand margin of the page, occupying two or more lines, according to its length, as:
Dear Miss Lothrop:In reply to your kind note, I would say, etc.Cordially yours,Marion Kent.2 Arcade Court, Chicago, Ill., October 5, 189-.
Dear Miss Lothrop:
In reply to your kind note, I would say, etc.
Cordially yours,
Marion Kent.
2 Arcade Court, Chicago, Ill., October 5, 189-.
Another very formal style would be:
21Delaware Place, Buffalo, N.Y., June 1, 189-.Dear Miss Lothrop: In reply to your kind note, etc.Truly yours,George Harland.ToMiss Julia Lothrop,110 Beacon Street, Boston, Mass.
21Delaware Place, Buffalo, N.Y., June 1, 189-.
Dear Miss Lothrop: In reply to your kind note, etc.
Truly yours,
George Harland.
ToMiss Julia Lothrop,110 Beacon Street, Boston, Mass.
The conclusion of a letter gives the writer fully as much latitude of style as the salutation. Some graceful little phrase should follow the subject-matter of the letter and lead up to the conclusion, thus:
I am, with love to the family, and remembrances to all my friends,Yours cordially,Mary Roe.
I am, with love to the family, and remembrances to all my friends,
Yours cordially,
Mary Roe.
Salutation and conclusion should always correspond in formality or friendliness with one another, thus:Mr. John Bright. Sir: would appropriately conclude with: I am, sir, Respectfully yours,Frank B. Folsom.
A friendly letter beginning:Dear Bright: or,My dear Bright: would terminate thus: Cordially yours,Frank B. Folsom.
Other forms for closing business letters are: I am, respectfully,James Ross. Or, Respectfully,James Ross.
These forms do away with the personal pronoun "Yours," which, although custom has in reality rendered it a pure formality, still retains a certain meaning in the minds of some, as the man, who, in a long correspondence with his wife-that-was-to-be, never signed a letter otherwise than "Truly yours." "What more could I be," hequeried, "than hers truly, body and soul?" and with this feeling could their married life have been other than it was, beautiful to look upon?
Never abbreviate the conclusion to "Yours, etc.;" it has too much the careless, thankless sound of "Thanks," and neither can be sufficiently condemned.
Letters beginning,My dear Margaret: or,My dear Daughter:might end, respectively: Ever yours, or, Your friend,Jane Brown. And, Your affectionate mother,Gertrude Mason.
A gentleman, writing to a lady, could say: Very sincerely (or respectfully) yours,P.H. Gould. Or, Yours, with sincere regard,Henry Grayson.
The address need not be added unless the acquaintance is very slight. At times a more elaborate closing is desirable and graceful, as when the correspondent is very much higher in station, or older in years, or you have been the recipient of some great favor at his or her hands:
I am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem,Yours sincerely,James Talbot.
I am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem,
Yours sincerely,James Talbot.
Or, to a gentleman, under like circumstances:
I have the honor to be, sir, Yours most respectfully,James Talbot.
I have the honor to be, sir, Yours most respectfully,James Talbot.
Such closings as "Obedient, humble servant," are quite too much for Republican simplicity, and even in writing to no less a dignitary than the President:
ToThe President,Sir:Very respectfully,James Talbot,
ToThe President,
Sir:
Very respectfully,
James Talbot,
really fulfills all requirements, though one may consult his own taste in making use of the two complimentary conclusions given above.
A lady in writing to a stranger should always suggest whether she is married or single. This will prevent mistakes and annoyance, and can be done in two ways: Respectfully, (Miss)Frances Clayton.Or, more elaborately: Respectfully,Frances Clayton. Address,Miss Frances Clayton, 21 St. Caroline's Court, Chicago.
A lady never signs herself as Mrs. Helen B. Hayes, or Miss Gertrude Vance, without, at least, putting the titles in a parenthesis. Primarily, a woman is Helen Hayes or Gertrude Vance, and should sign herself as such. The "Miss" or "Mrs." signifies simply an incident in her existence, and is added, as it were, in a note, to prevent mistake on the part of others. A failure to observe this rule indicates a lack of culture. Neither does a gentleman ever sign himself Mr. Brown, but George G. Brown, or G.G. Brown.
A married lady should always be addressed by her husband's name preceded by "Mrs.," except in case of well-known names, such as Mrs. Potter Palmer, or Mrs. Isabella B. Hooker. A widow is no longer called by her husband's given name, but reverts to her own christened cognomen, preceded by "Mrs." Thus, Mrs. James H. Hayes in her widowhood is, to every one, Mrs. Helen B. Hayes. An exception to this would be in the case of such well-known names as Abraham Lincoln, or James G. Blaine, where custom grants the widow the right to bear the beloved title.
The superscription or address should be written plainly (if speedy delivery is expected) upon the lower half of the envelope, the flap being at the top. The title and name form one line with about an equal space at each end. The writing should be just below the middle of the envelope. The street number, the name of the city and the state each form a separate line, one below the other, and each should begin a little to the right of the one above, so that the last line will approach nearly to the lower right-hand corner of the envelope. The county or number of post office box may be given in the lower left-hand corner. Where there is no street number the county, or even the box number, may be written directly beneath the name of the town.
The stamp should be invariably placed squarely and right-side upin the upper right-hand corner. A request for return in a given time may be written, if necessary, in the upper left-hand corner.
Stamp and Superscription
THE PLACE FOR STAMP AND SUPERSCRIPTION.
A physician is addressed thus:Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa. Or,Albert Young, M.D., Watseka, Iowa.
In addressing the wife of a doctor the following formula may be used:Mrs. Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa.
The strictest etiquette, however, would involve writing:Mrs. Albert Young, care of Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa.
Either of the above forms may be taken for addressing the wife of a professor, an army or United States official, a minister or a legal dignitary, always remembering that the longer is more elegant, as:Mrs. Melville B. Fuller, care of the Hon. Melville B. Fuller, Chief Justice of the United States, Washington, D.C.
The President, however, would be addressed: To the President, Executive Mansion, Washington, D.C.
This is the simplest form, and as such, in the best taste, but it is sometimes written: To the President of the United States,Honorable Grover Cleveland.
"His Excellency" was formerly used in addressing the President and the Governors of States, but it is largely abandoned as inconsistent with the lack of titles in our country. The same rule is observed in writing to the Governor of a State: To the Governor, Gubernatorial Mansion, Springfield, Ill. Or, To the Governor,Robert P. Morton, Albany, N.Y.
A member of the Cabinet: To the Honorable, the Secretary of the Interior, Washington, D.C. A State official has the following address:Dr. John C. Wyatt, Secretary of the State Board of Charity, Springfield, Ill. In addressing one person in care of another the form would be:Mrs. John Draper, Grand de Tour, Ill. Care Dr. I.S. Prime.
A note to be delivered by a friend is always unsealed and usually addressed:Miss Florence Warden, Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Kindness ofMr. G.A. Rhodes. A still better form is to simply use the address of the person without farther preamble.
Always fold a letter sheet so that the opening lines face the reader on unfolding.
Punctuation and capitalization are very necessary matters in the art of letter-writing, but in these days of common schools, and all but compulsory education, it is to be supposed that some knowledge of these important facts will have been gained. It will not be amiss, however, to mention a few of the most necessary rules.
The four chief punctuation points are the comma, semicolon, colon, period. In the days of our grandmothers children were taught to "mind their stops," with this rule for a guide: "Count one at a comma, two at a semicolon, three at a colon, and four at a period, or 'full stop.'"
In punctuating the date, address, closing and superscription of a letter, certain rules are necessary. One of these is that a period follows all abbreviations, such as those of title, state and county, and separates and follows all initials, whether abbreviations of names or titles; while the slight pause occurring between such abbreviations ismarked by a comma, and the end of the date, like the end of a sentence, is closed by a period; for example: 540 West Main St., Galesburgh, Ill. Or, Poughkeepsie, N.Y., Jan. 10, 189-.
A colon suggests something more to follow, hence in the salutation of a letter we find a colon at the end, signifying that the body of the letter is yet to come, as: "Dear Sir:" or, where the communication begins on same line of salutation, we find both colon and dash, as: "Dear Madame:—Yours of," etc.
Commas are used frequently to divide long complex sentences, and the sentence is somewhat further broken by the use of the semicolon between its more decided sections. Abraham Lincoln once said: "I throw in a semicolon whenever I am at a loss what pause to use; it always fits."
The complimentary close of the letter is followed by a comma and the signature by a period. A period also separates and follows two or more initials, as: Yours truly,(Mrs.) Adeline D.T. Whitney.
A very long complimentary conclusion should be punctuated like a sentence, as: I am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem, Yours truly,James Talbot.
The superscription on the envelope is to be punctuated according to the above given rules. An interrogation point (?) should be used at the end of all questions. It is in truth, as the small boy said, "A little crooked thing that asks questions." The exclamation point (!) expressing astonishment, the dash and parenthesis, need only be employed by those thoroughly understanding their use. Quotation marks (" ") should always be placed at the beginning and end of words quoted from another; slang, or any fashionable "fad" if written, should be quoted.
As for capitals, one should begin every sentence, all names of persons and places, all appellations of the Deity, the first word of every line of poetry, and show themselves in the pronoun "I," and the exclamation "O."
Sealing wax is to be used, or not, as inclination directs, but neatness and skill are necessary in its use, or an unsightly blotch will result, than which the self-sealing envelope is far preferable. A heavy cream-white envelope sealed with a large, perfect seal of rich red, or bronze-brown wax with a clear monogram or initial stamped thereon, is always pleasing to the eye. To very slightly oil the seal will prevent it adhering to the wax and thereby spoiling the impression. In a foreign correspondence, the self-sealing envelopes are better since in tropical countries the great heat often melts the wax, and it is always liable, during transportation in the holds of vessels, to become cracked and loosened from the paper by the weight of other goods, and close packing in the hold.
Final remarks are scarcely necessary, but it might be suggested that it is rather fashionable to write one's full name, as more elegant than initials. A lady never signs herself simply by initials. Mary Creighton Cutter should so write her name, or, at least, Mary C. Cutter. Never M.C. Cutter. A gentleman is privileged to do this in business or formal letters, but in any others, instead of L.B. Bancroft he is Lucius Bright Bancroft or Lucius B. Bancroft.
Margins are no longer a necessity even in the most formal letters. Sometimes in writing a long, friendly, not formal, letter, instead of utilizing one side only of the paper, it is written across the sheet upon the first and fourth pages, and then lengthwise upon the second and third, though of course it is perfectly correct to write upon the pages consecutively.
Tautology, or a continued repetition of the same word, is a disagreeable and inelegant fault in writing, as: "If John willcomehome, we will allcome, but if he fails tocome, we will notcomeuntil he cancomealso."
One other point remains to touch upon: Any one that has ever glanced at the "Correspondence Column" of any paper will see how often young women ask if it is proper to write to gentlemen who haverequested the favor of corresponding with them, and which should write first. This point is rightfully one that should be settled by the mother or other guardian of the girl; but let it be said here that while this is the only country in the world where a so-called "friendly correspondence" is or can be carried on between young men and young women with, or without, any particular object in view, even here it is well to be careful. Girls are sometimes a little too confidential, and all men are not gentlemen, outward polish notwithstanding. A friendship too easily won or too fully expressed is not always prized, and while manly men are supposed never to boast of the number of their correspondents, yet club-room walls, could they speak, would stamp many a man as less than a gentleman.
The proper use of titles forms an important item in letter-writing. The slightest hesitancy on this point shows a lack of culture on the part of the writer that lowers him at once in the eyes of the recipient.
The ordinary social titles used are simple and familiar. These are: Mrs., Madam, Miss, for women; Mr., Esq., Messrs., Sir, for men, and Master for boys.
Of course, in writing to an acquaintance, while the outer address retains all its formality, the commencement will be whatever is warranted by the degree of friendship between the parties.
By the constitution of the United States it is provided that no titles of nobility shall be granted by the government. Neither shall a person holding a governmental office accept any title from any king, prince or foreign state, except express permission be given by Congress. The President of the United States and the Governor of Massachusetts are the only citizens possessing as officials a title by legislative act. This title is the same: "Excellency." Governors of other states are given this title by courtesy only. However, this title may be omitted at discretion, and indeed the simpler form given is far more suited to our Republican simplicity of manners.
The following list will be found a complete guide in the use of all honorary titles sanctioned by custom in the United States:
Ambassadors, Foreign, to the United States, are addressed officially by the titles recognized in their own countries, and if they have no title, as "Mr. ——," followed by title of office. United States ambassadors to foreign countries, officially as "Mr. ——" or "Hon. ——," followed by title of office. There are but four ambassadors sent out by the United States, the ministers to Russia and England having been but lately invested with that title.
The Hon. John Jones, United States Ambassador to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, or to the Court of St. James.
Archbishop (Roman Catholic)—Letters addressed: "The Most Reverend ——, D.D., Archbishop of ——."
Associate Justices—Addressed with: "Hon.," name and name of office, but spoken of as "Mr. Justice ——."
Bishop—Addressed: "The Right Reverend ——, D.D., Bishop of ——." The address of Protestant Episcopal and Roman Catholic Bishops is precisely the same. Bishops of the Methodist Episcopal Church are addressed as the "Reverend Bishop ——, D.D."
Cabinet Members—Addressed as: "Honorable," usually contracted to "Hon.," as: Hon. James Johnson, Secretary of State, Washington, D.C.
Cardinal (Roman Catholic) is addressed in writing, and spoken of as: "His Eminence ——, Cardinal (Bishop, Priest, or Deacon, according to rank) of the Holy Roman Church," spoken to as, "Your Grace."
Chief Justice—Addressed as: "Hon. Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States."
Chief Justice's Wife—Addressed as: "Mrs. Chief Justice ——," by virtue of a social custom that is largely observed. This custom does not extend to daughters.
Clergymen—Addressed as: "The Rev. ——," spoken to as, "Mr. ——." If a doctor of divinity, addressed as, "—— ——, D.D.," or "The Reverend ——, D.D.," and spoken to or of as, "Dr. ——."
College Degrees.—All recipients of regular or honorary degrees should be addressed by name followed by abbreviation of degree: A.B., A.M., Ph.D., M.D., D.D., as "—— ——, A.B."
Congress, members of—Addressed: "Hon. ——, M.C."
Esquire.—Justice of the peace, as well as some grades of lawyers, are addressed in writing and spoken of as "——, Esq." Any gentleman may be so addressed, but "Mr." is preferable.
Government—Official communications from—Always begin "Sir."
Governor.—May be addressed as "His Excellency the Governor of ——." Spoken to, "Your Excellency." See, also, other forms given before.
Governor's wife is by courtesy addressed, "Mrs. Governor ——." This usage does not apply to daughters.
Judges—Addressed by courtesy with the title, "Honorable," contracted to "Hon.," and the name of the office usually follows, as: "Hon. ——, U.S. Senate."
Legislature, members of.—Address as, "Hon. ——," followed by name of office.
Mayor.—"The Hon. Mr. ——, Mayor of ——."
Minister, American—Addressed as: "Hon. ——, American (or U.S.) Minister to France."
Municipal Councils, members of.—Courtesy grants the title "Honorable."
Officers of Army and Navy.—Addressed by name, followed by title of highest rank attained, and, if in command of a military division, naval squadron or station, or on retired list, by a signification of the fact, as: "—— ——, Major General U.S.A., Commanding Military Division of the Atlantic;" "—— ——, Rear Admiral U.S.N., Commanding European Squadron;" "—— ——, General U.S.A., Retired."
President.—Addressed as "His Excellency the President of the United States." Spoken to as, "Your Excellency."
President's Wife.—Addressed by courtesy, "Mrs. President ——." Usage does not apply to daughters.
Forms for Letters
LORD CHESTERFIELD says in those inimitable letters to his son, that "style is the dress of thoughts, and let them be ever so just, if your style is homely, coarse and vulgar, they will appear to as much disadvantage as your person, though ever so well proportioned, would if dressed in rags, dirt and tatters."
So true is this that graceful commonplaces, either spoken or written, are far more apt to produce a pleasing impression than weightier matter awkwardly uttered, or uncouthly expressed. Hence, the length and familiarity of the friendly epistle should never be carried into the short, concisely worded business letter, while the social note, though brief, should differ greatly in its gracefully turned phrases from the formal note of acceptance, regret, application, or introduction.
The following forms are to be looked upon, not as copies, but chiefly as suggestions that may be used to solve some doubtful point.
These are less subject to rule than any other class, and the models here given are simply to show how flowing and easy the style may be between friend and friend, or how gracious and instructive from parent to child. In the friendly letter great freedom of detail is allowable, especially among near relatives. "You do not tell me half enough," writes H.H. from Europe. "I even want to know if the front gate is off its hinges." But do not render a friendly letter so long as to tax the patience of the reader. "Samivel Veller" discovered one of the secrets of letter-writing when he made that famous love letter of his short, "so she vill vish there vos more of it." Neither railing,nor fretfulness, nor too great egotism, is wise in letter-writing, for written words have a sad fashion of outlasting the mood in which they were penned, nay, even the hand that penned them.
These are left unsealed, that the bearer may be permitted to read the contents. They are brief, so that if read in the presence of the person introduced, the slight embarrassment may be shortened as much as possible. They usually contain a reference to the occupation or character of the individual in order that some slight clue may be given to the recipient in beginning a conversation, and usually conclude with some pleasant, complimentary phrase.
One simple form would be: