Let us see then what is their Part, what must they do to make the Matrimonial Yoke tolerable to themselves as well as pleasing to their Lords and Masters? That the World is an empty and deceitful Thing, that those Enjoyments which appear’d so desirable at a Distance, which rais’d our Hopes and Expectations to such a mighty Pitch, which we so passionately coveted, and so eagerly pursued, vanish at our first Approach, leaving nothing behind them but the Folly of Delusion, and the Pain of disappointed Hopes, is a common Outcry; and yet, as common as it is, though we complain of being deceiv’d this Instant, we do not fail of contributing to the Cheat the very next. Though in reality it is not the World that abuses us, ’tis we abuse our selves; it is not the Emptiness of That, but our own false Judgments, our unreasonable Desires and Expectations that torment us; for he who exerts his whole Strength to lift a Straw, ought not to complain of the Burden,but of his own disproportionate Endeavour which gives him the Pain he feels. The World affords us all the Pleasure a sound Judgment can expect from it, and answers all those Ends and Purposes for which it was design’d; let us expect no more than is reasonable, and then we shall not fail of our Expectations.
It is even so in the Case before us; a Woman who has been taught to think Marriage her only Preferment, the Sum-Total of her Endeavours, the Completion of all her Hopes, that which must settle and make her Happy in this World, and very few, in their Youth especially, carry a Thought steadily to a greater Distance; She who has seen a Lover dying at her Feet, and can’t therefore imagine that he who professes to receive all his Happiness from her, can have any other Design or Desire than to please her; whose Eyes have been dazled with all the Glitter and Pomp of a Wedding, and, who hears of nothing but Joy and Congratulation;who is transported with the Pleasure of being out of Pupillage, and Mistress not only of her self, but of a Family too: She who is either so simple or so vain, as to take her Lover at his Word, either as to the Praises he gave her, or the Promises he made for himself; in sum, she whose Expectation has been rais’d by Courtship, by all the fine Things that her Lover, her Governess and Domestick Flatterers say, will find a terrible Disappointment when the Hurry is over, and when she comes calmly to consider her Condition, and views it no more under a false Appearance, but as it truly is.
I Doubt in such a View it will not appear over-desirable, if she regards only the present State of Things. Hereafter may make amends for what she must be prepar’d to suffer here, then will be her Reward, this is her Time of Trial, the Season of exercising and improving her Vertues. A Woman that is not Mistress of her Passions, that cannotpatiently submit, even when Reason suffers with her, who does not practise Passive Obedience to the utmost, will never be acceptable to such an absolute Sovereign as a Husband. Wisdom ought to Govern without Contradiction, but Strength however will be obeyed. There are but few of those wise Persons who can be content to be made yet wiser by Contradiction; the most will have theirWill, and it is right because it is theirs. Such is the Vanity of Human Nature, that nothing pleases like an intire Subjection; what Imperfections won’t a Man over-look where this is not wanting! Though we live like Brutes, we would have Incense offer’d us, that is only due to Heaven it self, would have an absolute and blind Obedience paid us by all over whom we pretend Authority. We were not made to Idolize one another, yet the whole Strain of Courtship is little less than rank Idolatry: But does a Man intend to give, and not to receive his Share in this Religious Worship? No such matter; Pride and Vanity, andSelf-love have their Designs, and if the Lover is so condescending as to set a Pattern in the Time of his Addresses, he is so just as to expect his Wife should strictly Copy after it all the rest of her Life.
But how can a Woman scruple intire Subjection, how can she forbear to admire the Worth and Excellency of the Superior Sex, if she at all considers it! Have not all the great Actions that have been perform’d in the World been done by Men? Have not they founded Empires and overturn’d them? Do not they make Laws and continually repeal and amend them? Their vast Minds lay Kingdoms waste, no Bounds or Measures can be prescrib’d to their Desires. War and Peace depend on them; they form Cabals and have the Wisdom and Courage to get over all the Rubs, the petty Restraints which Honour and Conscience may lay in the Way of their desired Grandeur. What is it they cannot do? They make Worlds and ruin them,form Systems of universal Nature, and dispute eternally about them; their Pen gives Worth to the most trifling Controversy; nor can a Fray be inconsiderable if they have drawn their Swords in’t. All that the wise Man pronounces is an Oracle, and every Word the Witty speaks, a Jest. It is a Woman’s Happiness to hear, admire and praise them, especially if a little Ill-nature keeps them at any time from bellowing due Applauses on each other! And if she aspires no further, she is thought to be in her proper Sphere of Action; she is as wise and as good as can be expected from her!
She then who Marries, ought to lay it down for an indisputable Maxim, that her Husband must govern absolutely and intirely, and that she has nothing else to do but to Please and Obey. She must not attempt to divide his Authority, or so much as dispute it; to struggle with her Yoke will only make it gall the more, but must believe him Wiseand Good, and in all respects the best, at least he must be so to her. She who can’t do this is no way fit to be a Wife, she may set up for that peculiar Coronet the antient Fathers talk’d of, but is not qualified to receive that great Reward which attends the eminent Exercise of Humility and Self-denial, Patience and Resignation, the Duties that a Wife is call’d to.
But some refractory Woman perhaps will say, how can this be? Is it possible for her to believe him Wise and Good, who by a thousand Demonstrations convinces her, and all the World, of the contrary? Did the bare Name of Husband confer Sense on a Man, and the meer being in Authority infallibly qualify him for Government, much might be done. But since a wise Man and a Husband are not Terms convertible, and how loth soever one is to own it, Matter of Fact won’t allow us to deny, that the Head many times stands in need of the Inferior’s Brains to manage it, shemust beg leave to be excus’d from such high Thoughts of her Sovereign, and if she submits to his Power, it is not so much Reason as Necessity that compels her.
Now of how little Force soever this Objection may be in other respects, methinks it is strong enough to prove the Necessity of a good Education, and that Men never mistake their true Interest more than when they endeavour to keep Women in Ignorance. Could they indeed deprive them of their Natural good Sense at the same Time they deny them the true Improvement of it, they might compass their End; otherwise Natural Sense unassisted may run into a false Track, and serve only to punish him justly, who would not allow it to be useful to himself or others. If Man’s Authority be justly establish’d, the more Sense a Woman has, the more Reason she will find to submit to it; if according to the Tradition of our Fathers, (who having hadPossessionof the Pen,thought they had also the bestRightto it) Womens Understanding is but small, and Man’s Partiality adds no Weight to the Observation, ought not the more Care to be taken to improve them? How it agrees with the Justice of Men we inquire not, but certainly Heaven is abundantly more Equitable than to injoin Women the hardest Task, and give them the least Strength to perform it. And if Men, learned, wise and discreet as they are, who have, as is said, all the Advantages of Nature, and without Controversy, have, or may have, all the Assistance of Art, are so far from acquitting themselves as they ought, from living according to that Reason and excellent Understanding they so much boast of, can it be expected that a Woman who is reckon’d silly enough in her self, at least comparatively, and whom Men take care to make yet more so; can it be expected that she should constantly perform so difficult a Duty as intire Subjection, to which corrupt Nature is so averse?
If the great and wiseCato, aMan, a Man of no ordinary Firmness and Strength of Mind, a Man who was esteem’d as an Oracle, and by the Philosophers and great Men of his Nation equal’d even to the Gods themselves; If he, with all his Stoical Principles, was not able to bear the Sight of a triumphant Conqueror, (who perhaps would have insulted, and perhaps would not) but out of a Cowardly Fear of an Insult, ran to Death, to secure him from it; can it be thought that an ignorant weak Woman should have Patience to bear a continual Outrage and Insolence all the Days of her Life? Unless you will suppose her avery Ass, but then remember what theItalianssay, to quote them once more, since beingveryHusbands they may be presum’d to have some Authority in this Case,An Ass, though slow, if provok’d, will kick.
We never observe, or perhaps make Sport, with the ill Effects of a bad Education, till it comes to touch us home inthe ill Conduct of a Sister, a Daughter, or Wife. Then the Women must be blam’d, their Folly is exclaim’d against, when all this while it was the wise Man’s Fault, who did not set a better Guard on those, who, according to him, stand in so much need of one. A young Gentleman, as a celebrated Author tells us, ought above all Things to be acquainted with the State of the World, the Ways and Humours, the Follies, the Cheats, the Faults of the Age he is fallen into; he should by degrees be inform’d of the Vice in Fashion, and warn’d of the Application and Design of those who will make it their Business to corrupt him, should be told the Arts they use, and the Trains they lay, be prepar’d to be Shock’d by some, and Caress’d by others; warn’d who are like to oppose, who to mislead, who to undermine, and who to serve him. He should be instructed how to know and distinguish them, where he should let them see, and when dissemble the Knowledge of them and their Aims and Workings. OurAuthor is much in the right, and not to disparage any other Accomplishments which are useful in their Kind, this will turn to more Account than any Language or Philosophy, Art or Science, or any other Piece of Good-breeding and fine Education that can be taught him, which are no otherwise excellent than as they contribute to this, as this does above all Things to the making him a wise, a vertuous and useful Man.
And it is not less necessary that a young Lady should receive the like Instructions, whether or no her Temptations be fewer, her Reputation and Honour however are to be more nicely preserv’d; they may be ruin’d by a little Ignorance or Indiscretion, and then though she has kept her Innocence, and so is secur’d as to the next World, yet she is in a great measure lost to this. A Woman cannot be too watchful, too apprehensive of her Danger, nor keep at too great a Distance from it, since Man, whose Wisdom and Ingenuity is so muchSuperior to hers! condescends for his Interest sometimes, and sometimes by way of Diversion, to lay Snares for her. For though all Men areVirtuosi, Philosophers and Politicians, in comparison of the ignorant and illiterate Women, yet they don’t all pretend to be Saints, and ’tis no great Matter to them, if Women, who were born to be their Slaves, be now and then ruin’d for their Entertainment.
But according to the rate that young Women are Educated, according to the Way their Time is spent, they are destin’dto Folly and Impertinence, to say no worse, and, which is yet more inhuman, they are blam’d for that ill Conduct they are not suffer’d to avoid, and reproach’d for those Faults they are in a Manner forc’d into; so that if Heaven has bestowed any Sense on them, no other Use is made of it, than to leave them without Excuse. So much, and no more, of the World is shewn them, than serves to weaken and corrupt theirMinds, to give them wrong Notions, and busy them in mean Pursuits; to disturb, not to regulate their Passions; to make them timorous and dependant, and, in a Word, fit for nothing else but to act a Farce for the Diversion of their Governors.
Even Men themselves improve no otherwise than according to the Aim they take, and the End they propose; and he whose Designs are but little and mean, will be the same himself. Tho’ Ambition, as ’tis usually understood, is a foolish, not to say a base and pitiful Vice, yet the Aspirings of the Soul after true Glory are so much its Nature, that it seems to have forgot it self, and to degenerate, if it can forbear; and perhaps the great Secret of Education lies in affecting the Soul with a lively Sense of what is truly its Perfection, and exciting the most ardent Desires after it.
But, alas! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher Designthan to get her a Husband? Heaven will fall in of course; and if she makes but an Obedient and Dutiful Wife, she cannot miss of it. A Husband indeed is thought by both Sexes so very valuable, that scarce a Man who can keep himself clean and make a Bow, but thinks he is good enough to pretend to any Woman; no matter for the Difference of Birth or Fortune, a Husband is such a Wonder-working Name as to make an Equality, or something more, whenever it is obtain’d.
And indeed, were there no other Proof of Masculine Wisdom, and what a much greater Portion of Ingenuity falls to the Men than to the Women’s Share, the Address, the Artifice, and Management of an humble Servant were a sufficient Demonstration. What good Conduct does he shew! what Patience exercise! what Subtilty leave untry’d! what Concealment of his Faults! what Parade of his Vertues! what Government of his Passions! How deep is his Policy in layinghis Designs at so great a Distance, and working them up by such little Accidents! How indefatigable is his Industry, and how constant his Watchfulness not to slip any Opportunity that may in the least contribute to his Design! What a handsome Set of Disguises and Pretences is he always furnish’d with! How conceal’d does he lie! how little pretend, till he is sure that his Plot will take! And at the same Time that he nourishes the Hope of being Lord and Master, appears with all the Modesty and Submission of an humble and unpretending Admirer!
Can a Woman then be too much upon her Guard? Can her Prudence and Foresight, her early Caution, be reckon’d unnecessary Suspicion, or ill-bred Reserve by any but those whose Designs they prevent, and whose Interest it is to declaim against them? It being a certain Maxim with the Men, though Policy or good Breeding won’t allow them to avow it always, that the Women weremade for their Sakes and Service, and are in all respects their Inferiors, especially in Understanding; so that all the Compliments they make, all the Address and Complaisance they use, all the Kindness they profess, all the Service they pretend to pay, has no other Meaning, no other End, than to get the poor Woman into their Power, to govern her according to their Discretion. This is all pure Kindness indeed, and therefore no Woman has Reason to be offended with it; for, considering how much she is expos’d in her own, and how safe in their Keeping, ’tis the wisest Thing she can do to put her self under Protection! And then if they have a tolerable Opinion of her Sense, and not their Vanity, but some better Principle disposes them to do something out of the Way, and to appear more generous than the rest of their Sex, they’ll condescend to dictate to her, and impart some of their Prerogative, Books and Learning. ’Tis fit indeed, that she should intirely depend on their Choice, and walk with theCrutches they are pleas’d to lend her; and if she is furnished out with some Notions to set her a prating, I should have said, to make her entertaining, and the Fiddle of the Company, her Tutor’s Time was not ill bestowed: And it were a diverting Scene to see her stript, like theJay, of her borrowed Feathers, but he, good Man, has not ill Nature enough to take Pleasure in it! You may accuse him, perhaps, for giving so much Encouragement to a Woman’s Vanity, but your Accusation is groundless, Vanity being a Disease the Sex will always be guilty of; nor is it a Reproach to them, since Men of Learning and Sense are over-run with it.
But there are few Women whose Understandings are worth the Management, their Estates are much more capable of Improvement. No Woman, much less a Woman of Fortune, is ever fit to be her own Mistress, and he who has not the Vanity to think what much finer Things he could perform, had hethe Management of her Fortune; or so much Partiality and Self-love, as to fancy it can’t be better bestow’d than in making his; will yet be so honest and humble, as to think that ’tis fit she should take his Assistance, as Steward at least. For the good Man aspires no further, he would only take the Trouble of her Affairs off her Hand; and the Sense of her Condescension and his great Obligations, will for ever secure him against acting like a Lord and Master.
The Steps to Folly, as well as Sin, are gradual, and almost imperceptible, and when we are once on the Decline, we go down without taking Notice on’t; were it not for this, one could not account for those strange unequal Marriages we too often see. For there was a Time, no doubt, when a Woman could not have bore the very Thought of what she has been afterwards betray’d into; it would have appear’d as shocking to her, as it always does to other People; and had a Man been so impolitick as to discoverthe least Intimation of such a Design, he had given her a sufficient Antidote against it. This your wise Men are well satisfied of, and understand their own Interest too well to let their Design go bare-fac’d, for that would effectually put a Bar to their Success. So innocent are they, that they had not the least Thought at first of what their good Fortune afterwards leads them to! They would draw upon him, (if they wear a Sword) or fly in her Face who should let fall the least Hint that they had such Intentions; and this very Eagerness to avoid the Suspicion, is a shrewd Sign that there is Occasion for’t.
But who shall dare to shew the Lady her Danger, when will it be seasonable to give her friendly Notice? If you do it ere she is resolv’d, though with all the Friendship and Tenderness imaginable, she will hardly forgive the Affront, or bear the Provocation; you offer her an Outrage by entertaining such a Thought, and ’tis ten to one if youare not afterwards accus’d for putting in her Head what otherwise she could ne’er have dreamt of. And when no direct Proof can be offer’d, when matter of Prudence is the only Thing in Question, every Body has so good an Opinion of their own Understanding, as to think their own Way the best. And when she has her Innocence and fair Intentions to oppose your Fears and Surmises, and you cannot pretend to wish her better than she does her self, to be more disinterested and diligent in your Watchfulness, or to see farther in what so nearly concerns her, what can be done? Her Ruin is commonly too far advanc’d to be prevented, ere you can in Good-breeding reach out a Hand to help her. For if the Train has took, if she is intangled in the Snare, if Love, or rather a blind unreasonable Fondness, which usurps the Name of that noble Passion, has gain’d on her, Reason and Persuasion may as properly be urg’d to the Folks inBethlem, as to her. Tell her of this World, she is got above it, andhas no Regard to its impertinent Censures; tell her of the next, she laughs at you, and will never be convinc’d that Actions which are not expresly forbid can be Criminal, though they proceed from, and must necessarily be reduc’d to ill Principles, though they give Offence, are of ill Example, injure our Reputation, which, next to our Innocence, we are obliged, as Christians, to take the greatest Care of; and, in a Word, do more Mischief than we can readily imagine. Tell her of her own Good, you appear yet more ridiculous, for who can judge of her Happiness but her self? And whilst our Hearts are violently set upon any thing, there is no convincing us that we shall ever be of another Mind. Our Passions want no Advocates, they are always furnish’d with plausible Pretences, and those very Prejudices, which gave rise to this unreasonable Passion, will for certain give her Obstinacy enough to justify and continue in it. Besides, some are so ill advis’d as to think to support one Indiscretionwith another; they would not have it thought they have made a false Step, in once giving Countenance to that which is not fit to be continued. Or perhaps the Lady might be willing enough to throw off the Intruder at first, but wanted Courage to get above the Fear of his Calumnies, and the longer she suffers him to buz about her, she will find it the harder to get rid of his Importunities. By all which it appears, that she who really intends to be secure, must keep at the greatest Distance from Danger, she must not grant theleastIndulgence, where such ill Uses will be made of it.
And since the Case is so, That Woman can never be in Safety who allows a Man Opportunity to betray her. Frequent Conversation does for certain produce either Aversion or Liking, and when ’tis once come to Liking, it depends on the Man’s Generosity not to improve it farther, and where can one find an Instance that this is any Security?There are very many indeed which shew it is none. How sensible soever a Woman may appear of another’s Indiscretion, if she will tread in the same Steps, though but for a little Way, she gives us no Assurance that she will not fall into the same Folly; she may perhaps intend very well, but she puts it past her Power to fulfil her good Intentions. Even those who have forfeited their Discretion, the most valuable Jewel next to their Vertue, and without which Vertue it self is but very weak and faint, ’tis like, were once as well resolv’d as she; they had the very same Thoughts, they made the same Apologies, and their Resentment would have been every whit as great against those who could have imagined they should so far forget themselves.
It were endless to reckon up the divers Stratagems Men use to catch their Prey, their different Ways of insinuating, which vary with Circumstances, and the Lady’s Temper, but how unfairly, howbasely soever they proceed, when the Prey is once caught, it passes for lawful Prize, and other Men having the same Hopes and Projects, see nothing to find Fault with, but that it was not their own good Fortune. They may exclaim against it perhaps in a Lady’s Hearing, but it is only to keep themselves from being suspected, and to give the better Colour to their own Designs. Sometimes a Woman is cajol’d, and sometimes hector’d, she is seduc’d to love a Man, or aw’d into a Fear of him: He defends her Honour against another, or assumes the Power of blasting it himself; was willing to pass for one of no Consequence till he could make himself considerable at her Cost. He might be admitted at first to beher Jest, but he carries on the Humour so far till he makes herhis; he will either entertain or serve her as Occasion offers, and some Way or other gets himself intrusted with her Fortune, her Fame, or her Soul. Allow him but a frequent and free Conversation, and there’s no manner of Questionbut that his Ingenuity and Application, will, at one Time or other, get the Ascendant over her.
And generally the more humble and undesigning a Man appears, the more improbable it looks that he should dare to pretend, the greater Caution should be us’d against him. A bold Address and good Assurance may sometimes, but does not always, take. To a Woman of Sense an artificial Modesty and Humility is a thousand times more dangerous, for he only draws back to receive the more Encouragement, and she regards not what Advances she makes towards him, who seems to understand himself and the World so well as to be incapable of making an ill Use of them. Would it not be unreasonable, and a Piece of Ill-breeding, to be shy of him who has no Pretensions, or only such as are Just and Modest? What Hurt in a Visit? Or what if Visits grow a little more frequent? The Man has so much Discernment, as to relish her Wit and Humour, and canshe do less than be Partial to him who is so just to her? He strives to please and to render himself agreeable, or necessary, perhaps, and whoever will make it his Business, may find Ways enough to do it. For they know but little of Human Nature, they never consulted their own Hearts, who are not sensible what Advances a well-manag’d Flattery makes, especially from a Person of whose Wit and Sense one has a good Opinion. His Wit at first recommends his Flatteries, and these, in Requital, set off his Wit; and she who has been us’d to this high-season’d Diet, will scarce ever relish another Conversation.
Having got thus far, to be sure he is not wanting to his good Fortune, but drives on to an Intimacy, or what they are pleas’d, now a-days, though very unjustly, to call a Friendship; all is safe under this sacred Character, which sets them above little Aims and mean Designs. A Character that must be conducted with the nicest Honour, allowsthe greatest Trusts, leads to the highest Improvements, is attended with the purest Pleasures and most rational Satisfaction. And what if the malicious World, envious of his Happiness, should take Offence at it, since he has taken all due Precautions, such unjust and ill-natur’d Censures are not to be regarded; for his Part the Distance that is between them checks all aspiring Desires, but her Conversation is what he must not, cannot want: Life is insipid, and not to be endur’d without it; and he is too much the Lady’s Friend, has too just a Value for her, to entertain a Thought to her Disadvantage.
Now if once it is come to this,Godhelp the poor Woman! for not much Service can be done her by any of her Friends on Earth. That Pretender, to be sure, will be the Darling, he will worm out every other Person, though ever so kind and disinterested. For tho’ true Friends will endeavour to please in order to serve, their Complaisance nevergoes so far as to prove injurious; the beloved Fault is what they chiefly strike at, and this the Flatterer always sooths; so that at last he becomes the most acceptable Company, and they who are conscious of their own Integrity, are not apt to bear such an unjust Distinction, nor is it by this Time to any Purpose to remonstrate the Danger of such an Intimacy. When a Man, and for certain much more when a Woman, is fallen into this Toil, that is, when either have been so unwary and indiscreet as to let another find out by what Artifices he may manage their Self-love, and draw it over to his Party, ’tis too late for anyone who is really their Friend, to break the Snare and disabuse them.
Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases, especially when they think they may innocently indulge it; and nothing pleases more than the being Admir’d and Humour’d. We may be told of the Danger, and shewn the Fall of others, but thoughtheir Misfortunes are ever so often or so lively represented to us, we are all so well assur’d of our own good Conduct, as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which others have been Shipwreck’d. We suppose it in our Power to shorten the Line of our Liberty whenever we think fit, not considering that the farther we run, we shall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to judge when a Retreat is necessary. A Woman does not know that she is more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions; that those Arguments she brings for continuing a Man’s Conversation, prove only that she ought to have quitted it sooner; that Liking insensibly converts to Love, and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend, ’tis his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband.
And if Men, even the Modestest and the Best, are only in pursuit of their own Designs, when they pretend to do the Lady Service; if the Honour theywould seem to do her, tends only to lead her into an imprudent, and therefore a dishonourable Action; and they have all that good Opinion of themselves as to take every thing for Encouragement, so that she who goes beyond a bare Civility, though she meant no more than Respect, will find it interpreted a Favour, and made ill Use of, (for Favours, how innocent soever, never turn to a Lady’s Advantage) what Shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an Intimacy with a Man, whose Principles are known to be Loose, and his Practices Licentious? can she expect to be safe with him who has ruin’d others, and by the very same Methods he takes with her? If an Intimacy with a Man of a fair Character gives Offence, with a Man of an ill one, ’tis doubly and trebly scandalous. And suppose neither her Fortune nor Beauty can tempt him, he has his ill-natur’d Pleasure in destroying that Vertue he will not practise, or if that can’t be done, in blasting the Reputation of it at least, and in makingthe World believe he has made a Conquest, though he has found a Foil.
If the Man be the Woman’s Inferior, besides all the Dangers formerly mention’d, and those just now taken Notice of, she gives such a Countenance to his Vices, as renders her in great measure, Partaker in them; and, it can scarce be thought in such Circumstances, a Woman could like the Man if she were not reconcil’d to his Faults. Is he her Equal, and no unsuitable Match, if his Designs are fair, why don’t they Marry, since they are so well pleas’d with each other’s Conversation, which in this State only can be frequently and safely allow’d? Is he her Better, and she hopes, by catching him, to make her Fortune, alas! the poor Woman is neither acquainted with the World nor her self; she neither knows her own Weakness, nor his Treachery, and though he gives her ever so much Encouragement to this vain Hope, ’tis only in order to accomplish her Ruin. To be sure themore Freedom she allows, the more she lessens his Esteem, and that’s not likely to increase a real, though it may a pretended Kindness; she ought to fly, if she would have him pursue, the strictest Vertue and Reserve being the only Way to secure him.
Religion and Reputation are so sure a Guard, such a Security to poor defenceless Woman, that whenever a Man has ill Designs on her, he is sure to make a Breach into one or both of these, by endeavouring either to corrupt her Principles, to make her less strict in Devotion, or to lessen her Value of a fair Reputation, and would persuade her, that less than she imagines will secure her as to the next World, and that not much Regard is to be given to the Censures of this. Or if this be too bold at first, and will not pass with her, he has another Way to make even her Love to Vertue contribute to its Ruin, by persuading her it never shines as it ought, unless it is expos’d, and that she has noReason to boast of her Vertue unless she has try’d it. An Opinion of the worst Consequence that may be, and the most mischievous to a Woman, because it is calculated to feed her Vanity, and tends indeed to her utter Ruin. For, can it be fit to rush into Temptations, when we are taught every Day to pray against them? If the Trials of our Vertue render it illustrious, ’tis such Trials as Heaven is pleas’d to send us, not those of our own seeking. It holds true of both Sexes, that next to the Divine Grace a modest Distrust of themselves is their best Security, none being so often and so shamefully foil’d, as those who depend most on their own Strength and Resolution.
As to the Opinion of the World, tho’ one cannot say ’tis always just, yet generally it has a Foundation, great Regard is to be paid to it, and very good Use to be made of it. Othersmaybe in Fault for passing their Censures, but we certainlyareso, if we give them any theleast just Occasion. And since Reputation is not only one of the Rewards of Vertue, that which always ought, and generally does attend it, but also a Guard against Evil, an Inducement to Good, and a great Instrument in the Hand of the Wife to promote the common Cause of Vertue; the being Prodigal of the one, looks as if we set no great Value on the other, and she who abandons her good Name, is not like to preserve her Innocence.
A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honour, provided she does not prefer it before her Duty; she can never be too careful to secure her Character, not only from the Suspicion of a Crime, but even from the Shadow of an Indiscretion. ’Tis well worth her while to renounce the most Entertaining, and, what some perhaps, will call the most Improving Company, rather than give the World a just Occasion of Suspicion or Censure. For besides the Injury that is done Religion,which enjoins us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil, and to do nothing but what is of good Report, she puts her self too much in a Man’s Power, who will run such a Risque for his Conversation, and expresses such a Value for him, as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a Mischief.
Preserve your Distance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you would be safe, be sure to be always on the Reserve, not such as is Morose and Affected, but Modest and Discreet, your Caution cannot be too great, nor your Foresight reach too far; there’s nothing, or what is next to nothing, a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation, lost by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man understands his own Merit too well to lose his Time in a Woman’s Company, were it not to divert himself at her Cost, to turn her into a Jest, or something worse. And where-ever you see great Assiduities, when a Man insinuates into the Diversions andHumours of the Lady, liking and admiring whatever she does, though at the same Time he seems to keep a due Distance, or rather exceeds in the profoundest Respect; Respect being all he dare at present pretend to: when a more than ordinary Deference is paid; when something particular appears in the Look and Address, and such an Obsequiousness in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be observ’d in his Turn: Then, whatever the Inequality be, and how sensible soever he seems to be of it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be sprung on the first Opportunity, and ’tis well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Lady’s Ruin.
To wind up this Matter; If a Woman were duly principled, and taught to know the World, especially the true Sentiments that Men have of her, and the Traps they lay for her under so many gilded Compliments, and such aseemingly great Respect, that Disgrace would be prevented which is brought upon too many Families; Women would Marry more discreetly, and demean themselves better in a married State, than some People say they do. The Foundation, indeed, ought to be laid deep and strong, she should be made a good Christian, and understand why she is so, and then she will be every thing else that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a Woman’s Conduct, need have no Fear of her Vertue, or so much as of her Prudence and Caution, were but a due Sense of true Honour and Vertue awaken’d in her; were her Reason excited and prepared to consider the Sophistry of those Temptations which would persuade her from her Duty; and were she put in a way to know that it is both her Wisdom and Interest to observe it: she would then duly examine and weigh all the Circumstances, the Good and Evil of a married State, and not be surprized with unforeseen Inconveniencies, and either never consent to be a Wife, ormake a good one when she does. This would shew her what Human Natureis, as well as what itoughtto be, and teach her not only what she may justly expect, but what she must be content with; would enable her to cure some Faults, and patiently to suffer what she cannot cure.
Indeed nothing can assure Obedience, and render it what it ought to be, but the Conscience of Duty, the paying it forGod’ssake. Superiors don’t rightly understand their own Interest when they attempt to put out their Subjects Eyes to keep them Obedient. A blind Obedience is what a Rational Creature should never pay, nor would such an one receive it, did he rightly understand its Nature. For Human Actions are no otherwise valuable, than as they are conformable to Reason; but a blind Obedience is an Obeyingwithout Reason, for ought we know,against it.Godhimself does not require our Obedience at this rate; he lays before us the Goodnessand Reasonableness of his Laws, and were there any thing in them whose Equity we could not readily comprehend, yet we have this clear and sufficient Reason, on which, to found our Obedience, that nothing but what’s just and fit, can be enjoin’d by a Just, a Wise, and GraciousGod; but this is a Reason will never hold in respect of Mens Commands, unless they can prove themselves Infallible, and consequently Impeccable too.
It is therefore very much a Man’s Interest, that Women should be good Christians; for in this, as in every other Instance, he who does his Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true Interest are one and the same Thing, and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so much in the Wrong: But what can be more the Duty of the Head, than to instruct and improve those who are under Government? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this World, whose Thoughts and Expectationsare plac’d on the next. A Prospect of Heaven, and that only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill’d with, not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Object. She will discern a Time when her Sex shall be no Bar to the best Employments, the highest Honour; a Time when that Distinction, now so much us’d to her Prejudice, shall be no more; but, provided she is not wanting to her self, her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe’s. This is a true, and indeed, the only Consolation; this makes her a sufficient Compensation for all the Neglect and Contempt the ill-grounded Customs of the World throw on her; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her, and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits, be her Lot in this World what it may.
But some sage Persons may, perhaps object, that were Women allow’d to improve themselves, and not, amongst other Discouragements, driven back by thewise Jests and Scoffs that are put upon a Woman of Sense or Learning, a Philosophical Lady, as she is call’d by way of Ridicule; they would be too wise, and too good for the Men: I grant it, for vicious and foolish Men. Nor is it to be wonder’d that He is afraid he should not be able to Govern them were their Understandings improv’d, who is resolv’d not to take too much Pains with his own. But these, ’tis to be hoped, are no very considerable Number, the Foolish at least; and therefore this is so far from being an Argument against Womens Improvement, that it is a strong one for it, if we do but suppose the Men to be as capable of Improvement as the Women; but much more, if, according to Tradition, we believe they have greater Capacities. This, if any thing, would stir them up to be what they ought, and not permit them to waste their Time and abuse their Faculties in the Service of their irregular Appetites and unreasonable Desires, and so let poor contemptible Women, who havebeen their Slaves, excel them in all that is truly excellent. This would make them Blush at employing an immortal Mind no better than in making Provision for the Flesh to fulfil the Lusts thereof, since Women, by a wiser Conduct, have brought themselves to such a Reach of Thought, to such Exactness of Judgment, such Clearness and Strength of Reasoning, such Purity and Elevation of Mind, such Command of their Passions, such Regularity of Will and Affection, and, in a Word, to such a Pitch of Perfection, as the Human Soul is capable of attaining in this Life by the Grace ofGod; such true Wisdom, such real Greatness, as though it does not qualify them to make a Noise in this World, to found or overturn Empires, yet it qualifies them for what is infinitely better, a Kingdom that cannot be mov’d, an incorruptible Crown of Glory.
Besides, it were ridiculous to suppose, that a Woman, were she ever so much improv’d, could come near thetopping Genius of the Men, and therefore why should they envy or discourage her? Strength of Mind goes along with Strength of Body, and ’tis only for some odd Accidents which Philosophers have not yet thought worth while to enquire into, that the sturdiest Porter is not the wisest Man! As therefore the Men have the Power in their Hands, so there’s no Dispute of their having the Brains to manage it! Can we suppose there is such a Thing as good Judgment and Sense upon Earth, if it is not to be found among them: Do not they, generally speaking, do all the great Actions and considerable Business of this World, and leave that of the next to the Women? Their Subtlety in forming Cabals and laying deep Designs, their Courage and Conduct in breaking through all Tyes, sacred and civil, to effect them, not only advances them to the Post of Honour, and keeps them securely in it for twenty or thirty Years, but gets them a Name, and conveys it down to Posterity for some Hundreds; and who would lookany further? Justice and Injustice are administred by their Hands, Courts and Schools are fill’d with these Sages; ’tis Men who dispute for Truth, as well as Men who argue against it: Histories are writ by them; they recount each other’s great Exploits, and have always done so. All famous Arts have their Original from Men, even from the Invention of Guns, to the Mystery of good Eating. And to shew that nothing is beneath their Care, any more than above their Reach, they have broughtGamingto an Art and Science, and a more Profitable and Honourable one too, than any of those that us’d to be call’dLiberal! Indeed, what is it they can’t perform, when they attempt it? The Strength of their Brains shall be every whit as conspicuous at their Cups, as in a Senate-House, and, when they please, they can make it pass for as sure a Mark of Wisdom, to drink deep, as to reason profoundly; a greater Proof of Courage, and consequently of Understanding, to dare the Vengeance of Heaven it self,than to stand the Raillery of some of the worst of their Fellow Creatures!
Again, it may be said, If a Wife’s Case be as it is here represented, it is not good for a Woman to marry, and so there’s an End of Human Race. But this is no fair Consequence, for all that can justly be inferr’d from hence, is, that a Woman has no mighty Obligations to the Man who makes Love to her; she has no Reason to be fond of being a Wife, or to reckon it a Piece of Preferment when she is taken to be a Man’s Upper-Servant; it is no Advantage to her in this World; if rightly manag’d it may prove one as to the next. For she who marries purely to do good, to educate Souls for Heaven, who can be so truly mortified as to lay aside her own Will and Desires, to pay such an intire Submission for Life, to one whom she cannot be sure will always deserve it, does certainly perform a more Heroick Action, than all the famousMasculine Heroes can boast of, she suffers a continual Martyrdom to bring Glory toGod, and Benefit to Mankind; which Consideration, indeed, may carry her through all Difficulties, I know not what else can, and engage her to Love him who proves perhaps so much worse than a Brute, as to make this Condition yet more grievous than it needed to be. She has need of a strong Reason, of a truly Christian and well-temper’d Spirit, of all the Assistance the best Education can give her, and ought to have some good Assurance of her own Firmness and Vertue, who ventures on such a Trial; and for this Reason ’tis less to be wonder’d at that Women marry off in haste, for perhaps if they took Time to consider and reflect upon it, they seldom would marry.
To conclude. Perhaps I’ve said more than most Men will thank me for; I cannot help it, for how much soever I may be their Friend and humble Servant,I am more a Friend to Truth. Truth is strong, and some time or other will prevail; nor is it for their Honour, and therefore one would think not for their Interest, to be partial to themselves and unjust to others. They may fancy I have made some Discoveries, which, likeArcana Imperii, ought to be kept secret; but, in good earnest, I do them more Honour than to suppose their lawful Prerogatives need any mean Arts to support them. If they have usurp’d, I love Justice too much to wish Success and Continuance to Usurpations, which, though submitted to out of Prudence, and for Quietness sake, yet leave everybody free to regain their lawful Right whenever they have Power and Opportunity. I don’t say that Tyrannyought, but we find inFact, that it provokes the Oppress’d to throw off even a lawful Yoke that fits too heavy: And if he who is freely elected, after all his fair Promises, and the fine Hopes he rais’d, proves a Tyrant, the Consideration thathe was one’s own Choice, will not render one more Submissive and Patient, but I fear, more Refractory. For though it is very unreasonable, yet we see ’tis the Course of the World, not only to return Injury for Injury, but Crime for Crime; both Parties indeed are Guilty, but the Aggressors have a double Guilt, they have not only their own, but their Neighbour’s Ruin to answer for.
As to the Female Reader, I hope she will allow I’ve endeavoured to do her Justice; not betray’d her Cause as her Advocates usually do, under Pretence of defending it. A Practice too mean for any to be guilty of who have the least Sense of Honour, and who do any more than meerly pretend to it. I think I have held the Balance even, and not being conscious of Partiality, I ask no Pardon for it. To plead for the Oppress’d, and to defend the Weak, seem’d to me a generous Undertaking; for though it may be secure, ’tis not alwaysHonourable, to run over to the strongest Party. And if she infers from what has been said, that Marriage is a very happy State for Men, if they think fit to make it so; that they govern the World, they have Prescription on their Side; Women are too weak to dispute it with them, therefore they, as all other Governors, are most, if not only, accountable for what’s amiss; for whether other Governments in their Original, were or were not confer’d according to the Merit of the Person, yet certainly in this Case, if Heaven has appointed the Man to govern, it has Qualified him for it: So far I agree with her: But if she goes on to infer, that therefore, if a Man has not these Qualifications, where is his Right? That if he misemploys, he abuses it? And if he abuses, according to modern Deduction, he forfeits it, I must leave her there. A peaceable Woman, indeed, will not carry it so far, she will neither question her Husband’s Right, nor his Fitness togovern, but how? Not as an absolute Lord and Master, with an arbitrary and tyrannical Sway, but as Reason governs and conducts a Man, by proposing what is just and fit. And the Man who acts according to that Wisdom he assumes, who would have that Superiority he pretends to, acknowledged just, will receive no Injury by any thing that has been offered here. A Woman will value Him the more who is so wise and good, when she discerns how much he excels the rest of his noble Sex; the less he requires, the more will he merit that Esteem and Deference, which those who are so forward to exact, seem conscious they don’t deserve. So then the Man’s Prerogative is not at all infring’d, whilst the Woman’s Privileges are secured; and if any Woman think her self injur’d, she has a Remedy in reserve, which few Men will envy, or endeavour to rob her of, the Exercise and Improvement of her Vertue Here, and the Reward of it Hereafter.
When I made these Reflections, I was of Opinion, that the Case of married Women, in comparison of that of their Husbands, was not a little hard and unequal. But as the World now goes, I am apt to think, that a Husband is in no desirable Situation; his Honour is in his Wife’s keeping, and what Man of Honour can be satisfied with the Conduct which the Licentiousness of the Age not only permits, but would endeavour to authorize as a Part of good Breeding? And what makes his Case the worse, he must dissemble his Uneasiness, stifle his Resentments, and not dare to take the proper Methods of preventing and curing the Disorder.
So great is our Corruption, that such as pretend to make a true Estimate of Human Life, and very freely Satirize both Sexes for lesser Crimes, are not asham’d to recommend this, prescribing a known Sin as a Cure for what is notabsolutely unlawful in it self, though very pernicious in its Consequences, when carried to Excess.
Not that I would in any manner apologize for Gaming, which, when carried to Excess, is ruinous to both Sexes, especially to Women; who, when given to this Vice, disregard their Husbands, and Oeconomy, neglect the Education of their Children, spend their Fortunes as much as they can, and, which is not the least Inconveniency, when they lose to Men more than they are able to pay, they give their Creditor Opportunity to make insolent Demands. But sure, any Husband, who is not sunk to the lowest Degree of Infamy, had rather his Wife should waste his Money atQuadrille, than Intrigue with aColonel.If Sin you must(says an admirable Author, whose Panegyricks are Satires, and his Satires Panegyricks)