He rang the bell on Marci’s smart little brick house at bang-on six, carrying some daisies he’d bought from the grocery store, following the etiquette laid down in several rather yucky romance novels he’d perused that afternoon.She answered in jeans and a T-shirt, and punched him in the arm before he could give her the flowers. “Don’t you look smart?” she said. “Well, you’re not fooling anyone, you know.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and snatched away the daisies. “Come along, then, we’re eating soon.”Marci sat him down in the living room, which was furnished with neutral sofas and a neutral carpet and a neutral coffee table. The bookcases were bare. “It’s horrible,” she said, making a face. She was twittering a little, dancing from foot to foot. Alan was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who was uncomfortable. “Isn’t it? The company put us up here. We had a grand flat in Scotland.”“It’s nice,” Alan said, “but you look like you could use some books.”She crossed her eyes. “Books? Sure—I’ve gotten boxesof them in the basement. You can come by and help me unpack them.”“Tenboxes?” Alan said. “You’re making that up.”Ten boxes of books!Things like books didn’t last long under the mountain, in the damp and with the ever-inquisitive, ever-destructive Davey exploring every inch of floor and cave and corridor in search of opportunities for pillage.“I ain’t neither,” she said. “At least ten. It was a grand flat and they were all in alphabetical order, too.”“Can we go see?” Alan asked, getting up from the sofa.“See boxes?”“Yes,” Alan said. “And look inside. We could unbox them after dinner, okay?”“That’s more of an afternoon project,” said a voice from the top of the stairs.“That’s my Da,” she said. “Come down and introduce yourself to Alan, Da,” she said. “You’re not the voice of God, so you can bloody well turn up and show your face.”“No more sass, gel, or it will go very hard for you,” said the voice. The accent was like Marci’s squared, thick as oatmeal, liqueur-thick. Nearly incomprehensible, but the voice was kind and smart and patient, too.“You’ll have a hard time giving me any licks from the top of the stairs, Da, and Alan looks like he’s going to die if you don’t at least come down and say hello.”Alan blushed furiously. “You can come down whenever you like, sir,” he said. “That’s all right.”“That’s mighty generous of you, young sir,” said the voice. “Aye. But before I come down, tell me, are your intentions toward my daughter honorable?”His cheeks grew even hotter, and his ears felt like they were melting with embarrassment. “Yes, sir,” he said in a small voice.“He’s a dreadful pervert, Da,” Marci said. “You should see the things he tries, you’d kill him, you would.” She grinned foxish and punched him in the shoulder. He sank into the cushions, face suddenly drained of blood.“What?” roared the voice, and there was a clatter of slippers on the neutral carpet of the stairs. Alan didn’t want to look but found that he couldn’t help himself, his head inexorably turned toward the sound, until a pair of thick legs hove into sight, whereupon Marci leapt into his lap and threw her arms around his neck.“Ge’orff me, pervert!” she said, as she began to cover his face in darting, pecking kisses.He went rigid and tried to sink all the way into the sofa.“All right, all right, that’s enough of that,” her father said. Marci stood and dusted herself off. Alan stared at his knees.“She’s horrible, isn’t she?” said the voice, and a great, thick hand appeared in his field of vision. He shook it tentatively, noting the heavy class ring and the thin, plain wedding band. He looked up slowly.Marci’s father was short but powerfully built, like the wrestlers on the other kids’ lunchboxes at school. He had a shock of curly black hair that was flecked with dandruff, and a thick bristling mustache that made him look very fierce, though his eyes were gentle and bookish behind thick glasses. He was wearing wool trousers and a cable-knit sweater that was unraveling at the elbows.“Pleased to meet you, Albert,” he said. They shook hands gravely. “I’ve been after her to unpack those books since we moved here. You could come by tomorrow afternoon and help, if you’d like—I think it’s the only way I’ll get herself to stir her lazy bottom to do some chores around here.”“Oh,Da!” Marci said. “Who cooks around here? Who does the laundry?”“The take-away pizza man does the majority of the cooking, daughter. And as for laundry, the last time I checked, there were two weeks’ worth of laundry to do.”“Da,” she said in a sweet voice, “I love you Da,” she said, wrapping her arms around his trim waist.“You see what I have to put up with?” her father said, snatching her up and dangling her by her ankles.She flailed her arms about and made outraged choking noises while he swung her back and forth like a pendulum, releasing her at the top of one arc so that she flopped onto the sofa in a tangle of thin limbs.“It’s a madhouse around here,” her father continued as Marci righted herself, knocking Alan in the temple with a tennis shoe, “but what can you do? Once she’s a little bigger, I can put her to work in the mines, and then I’ll have a little peace around here.” He sat down on an overstuffed armchair with a fussy antimacassar.“He’s got a huge life-insurance policy,” Marci said conspiratorially. “I’m just waiting for him to kick the bucket and then I’m going to retire.”“Oh, aye,” her father said. “Retire. Your life is an awful one, it is. Junior high is a terrible hardship, I know.”Alan found himself grinning.“What’s so funny?” Marci said, punching him in the shoulder.“You two are,” he said, grabbing her arm and then digging his fingers into her tummy, doubling her over with tickles.
He rang the bell on Marci’s smart little brick house at bang-on six, carrying some daisies he’d bought from the grocery store, following the etiquette laid down in several rather yucky romance novels he’d perused that afternoon.
She answered in jeans and a T-shirt, and punched him in the arm before he could give her the flowers. “Don’t you look smart?” she said. “Well, you’re not fooling anyone, you know.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and snatched away the daisies. “Come along, then, we’re eating soon.”
Marci sat him down in the living room, which was furnished with neutral sofas and a neutral carpet and a neutral coffee table. The bookcases were bare. “It’s horrible,” she said, making a face. She was twittering a little, dancing from foot to foot. Alan was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who was uncomfortable. “Isn’t it? The company put us up here. We had a grand flat in Scotland.”
“It’s nice,” Alan said, “but you look like you could use some books.”
She crossed her eyes. “Books? Sure—I’ve gotten boxesof them in the basement. You can come by and help me unpack them.”
“Tenboxes?” Alan said. “You’re making that up.”Ten boxes of books!Things like books didn’t last long under the mountain, in the damp and with the ever-inquisitive, ever-destructive Davey exploring every inch of floor and cave and corridor in search of opportunities for pillage.
“I ain’t neither,” she said. “At least ten. It was a grand flat and they were all in alphabetical order, too.”
“Can we go see?” Alan asked, getting up from the sofa.
“See boxes?”
“Yes,” Alan said. “And look inside. We could unbox them after dinner, okay?”
“That’s more of an afternoon project,” said a voice from the top of the stairs.
“That’s my Da,” she said. “Come down and introduce yourself to Alan, Da,” she said. “You’re not the voice of God, so you can bloody well turn up and show your face.”
“No more sass, gel, or it will go very hard for you,” said the voice. The accent was like Marci’s squared, thick as oatmeal, liqueur-thick. Nearly incomprehensible, but the voice was kind and smart and patient, too.
“You’ll have a hard time giving me any licks from the top of the stairs, Da, and Alan looks like he’s going to die if you don’t at least come down and say hello.”
Alan blushed furiously. “You can come down whenever you like, sir,” he said. “That’s all right.”
“That’s mighty generous of you, young sir,” said the voice. “Aye. But before I come down, tell me, are your intentions toward my daughter honorable?”
His cheeks grew even hotter, and his ears felt like they were melting with embarrassment. “Yes, sir,” he said in a small voice.
“He’s a dreadful pervert, Da,” Marci said. “You should see the things he tries, you’d kill him, you would.” She grinned foxish and punched him in the shoulder. He sank into the cushions, face suddenly drained of blood.
“What?” roared the voice, and there was a clatter of slippers on the neutral carpet of the stairs. Alan didn’t want to look but found that he couldn’t help himself, his head inexorably turned toward the sound, until a pair of thick legs hove into sight, whereupon Marci leapt into his lap and threw her arms around his neck.
“Ge’orff me, pervert!” she said, as she began to cover his face in darting, pecking kisses.
He went rigid and tried to sink all the way into the sofa.
“All right, all right, that’s enough of that,” her father said. Marci stood and dusted herself off. Alan stared at his knees.
“She’s horrible, isn’t she?” said the voice, and a great, thick hand appeared in his field of vision. He shook it tentatively, noting the heavy class ring and the thin, plain wedding band. He looked up slowly.
Marci’s father was short but powerfully built, like the wrestlers on the other kids’ lunchboxes at school. He had a shock of curly black hair that was flecked with dandruff, and a thick bristling mustache that made him look very fierce, though his eyes were gentle and bookish behind thick glasses. He was wearing wool trousers and a cable-knit sweater that was unraveling at the elbows.
“Pleased to meet you, Albert,” he said. They shook hands gravely. “I’ve been after her to unpack those books since we moved here. You could come by tomorrow afternoon and help, if you’d like—I think it’s the only way I’ll get herself to stir her lazy bottom to do some chores around here.”
“Oh,Da!” Marci said. “Who cooks around here? Who does the laundry?”
“The take-away pizza man does the majority of the cooking, daughter. And as for laundry, the last time I checked, there were two weeks’ worth of laundry to do.”
“Da,” she said in a sweet voice, “I love you Da,” she said, wrapping her arms around his trim waist.
“You see what I have to put up with?” her father said, snatching her up and dangling her by her ankles.
She flailed her arms about and made outraged choking noises while he swung her back and forth like a pendulum, releasing her at the top of one arc so that she flopped onto the sofa in a tangle of thin limbs.
“It’s a madhouse around here,” her father continued as Marci righted herself, knocking Alan in the temple with a tennis shoe, “but what can you do? Once she’s a little bigger, I can put her to work in the mines, and then I’ll have a little peace around here.” He sat down on an overstuffed armchair with a fussy antimacassar.
“He’s got a huge life-insurance policy,” Marci said conspiratorially. “I’m just waiting for him to kick the bucket and then I’m going to retire.”
“Oh, aye,” her father said. “Retire. Your life is an awful one, it is. Junior high is a terrible hardship, I know.”
Alan found himself grinning.
“What’s so funny?” Marci said, punching him in the shoulder.
“You two are,” he said, grabbing her arm and then digging his fingers into her tummy, doubling her over with tickles.