“It was wrong to bring her here, Adam,” Billy said to him in the morning, as he fed Alan the crusts of bread and dried apples he’d brought him, packing his hand with fresh snow.“I didn’t bring her here, she followed me,” Adam said. His arm ached from holding it aloft, and his back and tailbone were numb with the ache of a night spent sitting up against their mother’s side. “And besides, why should it be wrong? Whose rules? What rules? What are thefuckingrules?”“You can feel the rules, brother,” he said. He couldn’t look Alan in the eye, he never did. This was a major speech, coming from Bobby.“I can’t feel any rules,” Alan said. He wondered if it was true. He’d never told anyone about the family before. Had he known all along that he shouldn’t do this?“I can. She can’t know. No one can know. Even we can’t know. We’ll never understand it.”“Where is Davey?”“He’s doing a… ritual. With your thumb.”They sat silent and strained their ears to hear the winds and the distant shuffle of the denizens of the mountain.Alan shifted, using his good hand to prop himself up, looking for a comfortable position. He brought his injured hand down to his lap and unwrapped his blood-soaked T-shirt from his fist, gently peeling it away from the glue of dried blood that held it there.His hand had shriveled in the night, from ice and from restricted circulation, and maybe from Davey’s ritual. Alan pondered its crusty, clawed form, thinking that it looked like it belonged to someone—something—else.Buddy scaled the stalactite that served as the ladder up to the lofty nook where he slept and came back down holding his water bottle. “It’s clean, it’s from the pool,” he said, another major speech for him. He also had an armload of scavenged diapers, much-washed and worn soft as flannel. He wet one and began to wipe away the crust of blood on Alan’s arm and hand, working his way up from the elbow, then tackling the uninjured fingers, then, very gently, gently as a feather-touch, slow as a glacier, he worked on Alan’s thumb.When he was done, Alan’s hand was clean and dry and cold, and the wound of his thumb was exposed and naked, a thin crust of blood weeping liquid slowly. It seemed to Alan that he could see the stump of bone protruding from the wound. He was amazed to see his bones, to get a look at a cross-section of himself. He wondered if he could count the rings and find out how old he was, as he had never been really certain on that score. He giggled ghoulishly.He held out his good hand. “Get me up, okay?” Bobby hauled him to his feet. “Get me some warm clothes, too?”And he did, because he was Bobby, and he was always only too glad to help, only too glad to do what service he could for you, even if he would never do you the one service that would benefit you the most: telling you of his visions, helping you avoid the disasters that loomed on your horizon.Standing up, walking around, being clean—he began to feel like himself again. He even managed to get into his snow pants and parka and struggle out to the hillside and the bright sunshine, where he could get a good look at his hand.What he had taken for a bone wasn’t. It was a skinny little thumbtip, growing out of the raggedy, crusty stump. He could see the whorl of a fingerprint there, and narrow, nearly invisible cuticles. He touched the tip of his tongue to it and it seemed to him that he could feel a tongue rasping over the top of his missing thumbtip.
“It was wrong to bring her here, Adam,” Billy said to him in the morning, as he fed Alan the crusts of bread and dried apples he’d brought him, packing his hand with fresh snow.
“I didn’t bring her here, she followed me,” Adam said. His arm ached from holding it aloft, and his back and tailbone were numb with the ache of a night spent sitting up against their mother’s side. “And besides, why should it be wrong? Whose rules? What rules? What are thefuckingrules?”
“You can feel the rules, brother,” he said. He couldn’t look Alan in the eye, he never did. This was a major speech, coming from Bobby.
“I can’t feel any rules,” Alan said. He wondered if it was true. He’d never told anyone about the family before. Had he known all along that he shouldn’t do this?
“I can. She can’t know. No one can know. Even we can’t know. We’ll never understand it.”
“Where is Davey?”
“He’s doing a… ritual. With your thumb.”
They sat silent and strained their ears to hear the winds and the distant shuffle of the denizens of the mountain.
Alan shifted, using his good hand to prop himself up, looking for a comfortable position. He brought his injured hand down to his lap and unwrapped his blood-soaked T-shirt from his fist, gently peeling it away from the glue of dried blood that held it there.
His hand had shriveled in the night, from ice and from restricted circulation, and maybe from Davey’s ritual. Alan pondered its crusty, clawed form, thinking that it looked like it belonged to someone—something—else.
Buddy scaled the stalactite that served as the ladder up to the lofty nook where he slept and came back down holding his water bottle. “It’s clean, it’s from the pool,” he said, another major speech for him. He also had an armload of scavenged diapers, much-washed and worn soft as flannel. He wet one and began to wipe away the crust of blood on Alan’s arm and hand, working his way up from the elbow, then tackling the uninjured fingers, then, very gently, gently as a feather-touch, slow as a glacier, he worked on Alan’s thumb.
When he was done, Alan’s hand was clean and dry and cold, and the wound of his thumb was exposed and naked, a thin crust of blood weeping liquid slowly. It seemed to Alan that he could see the stump of bone protruding from the wound. He was amazed to see his bones, to get a look at a cross-section of himself. He wondered if he could count the rings and find out how old he was, as he had never been really certain on that score. He giggled ghoulishly.
He held out his good hand. “Get me up, okay?” Bobby hauled him to his feet. “Get me some warm clothes, too?”
And he did, because he was Bobby, and he was always only too glad to help, only too glad to do what service he could for you, even if he would never do you the one service that would benefit you the most: telling you of his visions, helping you avoid the disasters that loomed on your horizon.
Standing up, walking around, being clean—he began to feel like himself again. He even managed to get into his snow pants and parka and struggle out to the hillside and the bright sunshine, where he could get a good look at his hand.
What he had taken for a bone wasn’t. It was a skinny little thumbtip, growing out of the raggedy, crusty stump. He could see the whorl of a fingerprint there, and narrow, nearly invisible cuticles. He touched the tip of his tongue to it and it seemed to him that he could feel a tongue rasping over the top of his missing thumbtip.