CHAPTER IV.

“Allured by hope of plunder, and intentBy force to rob, by fraud to circumvent,”—Æneis.

I shallgive a few instances of the manner in which advertising adventurers rack their ingenuity to dress up their announcements in the most catching and attractive style; and, failing to find language sufficiently striking and pointed to arrest attention, scruple not to manufacture terms and apply similies, which, however preposterous and absurd they are seen to be when examined, yet answer their purpose of mystifying the public, and inducing a purchase of the vaunted articles.

We have only to glance at the columns of our newspapers, and the covers of periodical publications, for illustrations of the extent to which the system of scheming, falsehood, and trickery, termed puffing, is carried. In one specious and lofty-toned announcement we are told that the most splendid discovery of the present age is now admitted, by the most unquestionable (?) testimonials, to be “Grindstone Snuff,” which is warranted to cure gutta serena, cataract, and all other diseases of the eyes, while a single pinch scares away headache and nervousness! Another startles the weatherwise by his impudent pretension to be theonlymaker of barometers and thermometers in London; whereas, if the real truthwere disclosed, it would be found that his connexion with the trade consisted in some such occupation as engraving the index plates of the instrument for his employers, who surely have the greater right to be considered real makers. Balsams, cough drops, rheumatism and gout dispersers, pills, cerates, syrups, shaving soaps, cornplasters, and heal-alls—all boast of the wondrous cures effected, and testimonials received. The long list of essences and decoctions, from vinegar to honey, also have the names of distinguished gentlemen of the faculty, the royal family, nobility, clergy, and gentry, appended as bearing testimony to their surprising virtues. “Highgate’s universal irresistible Ointment” we are informed, is an invaluable specific for all disorders.

“But who shall decide when doctors disagree?”

A counter address denounces the same individual as anuncertificated impostor, who has no testimonials of his own, but has filched extracts from the only real original certificates and testimonials of “Monsieur Holabolo’s genuine Panacea,” which alone is a radical cure for all internal and external complaints. Another ointment puffer, whose nostrum is warranted to cure the plague and cholera, among other evils, occupies two columns of a newspaper with cures said to be effected by it; and these are flanked with no less than seventy-six names of surgeons and oculists, who, among others, testify to its monstrous virtues!![6]

Now in all these quack advertisements, we find the names, titles, and residences of the professional gentlemen correctly given, which, possibly may be of some consideration. Indeed, I know it is to some few an advantage not to be overlooked, as their names are thus kept before the public eye free of expense to them, and they are, although indirectly, as effectually puffed into notice as the quack himself. Without charging the respectable and high-minded members of the profession with entering into a compact, and designedly lending the sanction of their name and office to these abominable schemes of imposition, and granting full force to the apologies they offer as to its “being customary;” “that the profession generally do it;” “that to interfere would be expensive and troublesome;” and that “it is the fault of the public, who suffer themselves to be deluded by such shallow artifices,” I conceive it to be the bounden duty of every man of honour, when those tricksters employ his name without his sanction or authority, to adopt measures to disabuse that very large section of society, who attach full credit to statements appearing under such auspices.

But it is with spectacle advertisers that we are more immediately concerned, and it is therefore essential to convince every individual of ordinary capacity, that he can, by the exercise of common sense, and the moderateuse of his reasoning faculties, safely and judiciously determine for himself, when spectacles are required, and what powers and qualities they should possess; either when the eyes first require restorative aid, or at any subsequent period of life.

Amber spectacles have been bepraised and forced into notice as much as any of these quack specifics. I consider that the apathy and indifference manifested by those who know the statements put forth to be a tissue of falsehoods, are extremely reprehensible. No wonder that thousands have been tricked and trifled with when such novel and plausible pretensions have remained unchallenged, and those who know them to be hollow and deceitful artifices have suffered them to remain unexposed. Amber is so soft that a proper degree of polish cannot be given to it to make it suitable for spectacles. The streaks, specks, veins, and irregularities in it may be detected by the most casual observer. Glass and pebbles assimilate closely to the composition of the eye itself, but amber only imitates its diseased and decayed appearance. When the powers of the eye begin to decline, the crystalline humour becomes somewhat yellow, and as the decay proceeds this tinge increases.[7]Amber is strongly charged with electricity;it has an affinity for oil, grease, and human perspiration; “and it was from amber that the electrical fluid was first obtained.”[8]

Since writing the above, I have received, by the medium of the twopenny post, a printed circular, headed, “Amber Spectacles.—M——having experienced from the use of amber spectacles that which is expressed by the following eminent gentlemen, considers it to be his duty to caution the public against the use of them:— “Amber is a soft substance, and it is impossible to form it into a perfect lens, and a lens improperly constructed would prove most injurious to vision. Amber, in a moderate heat, becomes sticky; and by cleaning it in a short time, the polish wears off. It is also easily scratched, and soon loses the little transparency it possesses. Glue, as to substance and colour, is quite equal to it; and although purchasers pay an enormous price for amber spectacles, yet they incur a great risk of materially injuring their vision.”[9]

If there even were any merit or superiority in amber spectacles, be it observed, that the persons who prate abouttheirdiscovery, are not the parties who originated or introduced the article. I have in my possession several which were first brought to this country, andsold by a Prussian mechanic, long before he came in contact with individuals, who took a shameful advantage of his forlorn situation, and, after deluding him with specious promises, reduced him to their own terms. The poor man found remonstrances to be unavailing; and as he knew that redress was both uncertain and expensive, he refrained from farther interference, sighing as he said,—

“My poverty and not my will consents.”

Cautions respecting amber spectacles have frequently appeared in the daily newspapers. On the 17th ofApril, 1838, the “Sun” contained a long advertisement, lauding their extraordinary virtues. In the same page, followed an exposé of the puff; and in another part of the paper was the following paragraph, made to appear as the editor’s remarks:—

“An advertisement appeared in our paper of the 9th instant, calling into question the merits of patent amber spectacles, which have been so highly recommended for the preservative and assisting qualities for defective vision, by men of high character and professional reputation. The names of Messrs. Dollond and Curtis being used, it is right that the public should be apprised of the ascertained fact, that it owes its insertion, not to the knowledge of those gentlemen, but to the personal pique of interested individuals.”

Persons who are somewhat acquainted with the manner in which such paragraphs are got up, well know what importance is to be attached to them; the uninitiated, however, are led to suppose that Messrs. Dollond and Curtis were not of the opinions expressed, but that some of the trade, jealous of the advertisers’ “high character,”had maliciously questioned the “superior refractive property,” “light modifying,” “cool,” and “soothing” attributes of the admirable amber. But what ought we to think of the professional and literary characters who countenance the system of fraud and delusion practised by puffing advertisers. We might in charity suppose that the signatures of those eminent persons were surreptitiously obtained; and in that case, the straight-forward course they ought to adopt, should be publicly to disavow all connection with the cheats. But if they really hold the opinions attributed to them, we are bound to declare that, opposed as such idle notions are to truth and common sense, their presumption is ridiculous in publishing opinions on a subject of which they are grossly ignorant—ay, grossly ignorant! however capable and popular they may be in their own professions. Indeed many names of able and skilful surgeons are enumerated in the list of patrons and testimonial writers, who would smile at the effrontery of self-dubbed opticians, and the credulity of the public, conscious that they had no pretensions to any superior acquaintance with the subject. The ingenious and talented Dr. Neill Arnott remarks, in his “Elements of Physics,”—“Will it be believed thatthere are medical menwho neither understand mechanics nor hydraulics, nor pneumatics, nor optics, nor acoustics, beyond the merest routine; and that systems of medical education are put forth at this day, which do not even mention the department of physics or natural philosophy;”

But a general diffusion of knowledge is changing the condition of society, and elevating the human character. At first we almost tremble at our own boldness, in demanding proofs of the capability of our teachers; but the mind, gathering power, and unfolding its strength, with every opportunity for its manifestation, insists on having positive proofs, rather than vague pretensions, and demands solid information, instead of empty nothingness, however gorgeously arrayed, or pompously introduced.

FOOTNOTES:[6]As for operators on the teeth, they have multiplied exceedingly in the land. Their successful career is abitingsatire on the credulity of their supporters.American Quackery.—The cost for advertising quack medicines in the United States, annually, is estimated at 200,000 dollars. A peck of pills per day is considered necessary for Boston, and half a bushel for New York. On an average, only one in twenty-five who take them is actually sick; and the proportion of those dispensing with some necessary of life to purchase nostrums, which do them a positive injury, is in the ratio of eighty-seven to every one hundred throughout the country.[7]Dr. Petit found the crystalline in the eye of a man eighty years of age so yellow as to resemble amber.“When exposed to heat it becomes soft, swells, bubbles up, is apt to take fire, and burns with a yellowish flame.”—Heron’s Chemistry.“It gives out electricity by friction. It is an indurated vegetable juice, and not produced by the laws of crystallization, but by the same causes which influence the mechanical condition of gum arabic, and other resinous substances. Insects are often found embedded in it.”—Parkes’s Chemistry.It is a fact, that to silence such objections, a great improvement in amber, very pure and costly, was announced; this was nothing more nor less than yellow plate-glass, the same as is used in stained-glass windows. I have several specimens of these “superlative patent amber” in my possession.[8]Dr. Neill Arnott.[9]Dollond—Curtis.

[6]As for operators on the teeth, they have multiplied exceedingly in the land. Their successful career is abitingsatire on the credulity of their supporters.American Quackery.—The cost for advertising quack medicines in the United States, annually, is estimated at 200,000 dollars. A peck of pills per day is considered necessary for Boston, and half a bushel for New York. On an average, only one in twenty-five who take them is actually sick; and the proportion of those dispensing with some necessary of life to purchase nostrums, which do them a positive injury, is in the ratio of eighty-seven to every one hundred throughout the country.

[6]As for operators on the teeth, they have multiplied exceedingly in the land. Their successful career is abitingsatire on the credulity of their supporters.

American Quackery.—The cost for advertising quack medicines in the United States, annually, is estimated at 200,000 dollars. A peck of pills per day is considered necessary for Boston, and half a bushel for New York. On an average, only one in twenty-five who take them is actually sick; and the proportion of those dispensing with some necessary of life to purchase nostrums, which do them a positive injury, is in the ratio of eighty-seven to every one hundred throughout the country.

[7]Dr. Petit found the crystalline in the eye of a man eighty years of age so yellow as to resemble amber.“When exposed to heat it becomes soft, swells, bubbles up, is apt to take fire, and burns with a yellowish flame.”—Heron’s Chemistry.“It gives out electricity by friction. It is an indurated vegetable juice, and not produced by the laws of crystallization, but by the same causes which influence the mechanical condition of gum arabic, and other resinous substances. Insects are often found embedded in it.”—Parkes’s Chemistry.It is a fact, that to silence such objections, a great improvement in amber, very pure and costly, was announced; this was nothing more nor less than yellow plate-glass, the same as is used in stained-glass windows. I have several specimens of these “superlative patent amber” in my possession.

[7]Dr. Petit found the crystalline in the eye of a man eighty years of age so yellow as to resemble amber.

“When exposed to heat it becomes soft, swells, bubbles up, is apt to take fire, and burns with a yellowish flame.”—Heron’s Chemistry.

“It gives out electricity by friction. It is an indurated vegetable juice, and not produced by the laws of crystallization, but by the same causes which influence the mechanical condition of gum arabic, and other resinous substances. Insects are often found embedded in it.”—Parkes’s Chemistry.

It is a fact, that to silence such objections, a great improvement in amber, very pure and costly, was announced; this was nothing more nor less than yellow plate-glass, the same as is used in stained-glass windows. I have several specimens of these “superlative patent amber” in my possession.

[8]Dr. Neill Arnott.

[9]Dollond—Curtis.

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