[Transcriber's Note: This text was produced from Analog Science Fact & Fiction August 1961. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]In his income bracket and in the suburb in which he lived, government employees in the twenty-five to thirty-five age group were currently wearing tweeds. Tweeds were in. Not to wear tweeds was Non-U.Lawrence Woolford wore tweeds. His suit, this morning, had first seen the light of day on a hand loom in Donegal. It had been cut by a Swede widely patronized by serious young career men in Lawrence Woolford's status group; English tailors were out currently and Italians unheard of.Woolford sauntered down the walk before his auto-bungalow, scowling at the sportscar at the curb—wrong year, wrong make. He'd have to trade it in on a new model. Which was a shame in a way, he liked the car. However, he had no desire to get a reputation as a weird among colleagues and friends. What was it Senator Carey MacArthur had said the other day? Show me a weird and I'll show you a person who has taken the first step toward being a Commie.Woolford slid under the wheel, dropped the lift lever, depressed gently the thrust pedal and took off for downtown Greater Washington. Theoretically, he had another four days of vacation coming to him. He wondered[pg 006]what the Boss wanted. That was the trouble in being one of the Boss' favorite trouble shooters, when trouble arose you wound up in the middle of it. Lawrence Woolford was to the point where he was thinking in terms of graduating out of field work and taking on a desk job which meant promotion in status and pay.He turned over his car to a parker at the departmental parking lot and made his way through the entrance utilized by second-grade departmental officials. In another year, he told himself, he'd be using that other door.The Boss' reception secretary looked up when Lawrence Woolford entered the anteroom where she presided.“Hello, Larry,”she said.“Hear they called your vacation short. Darn shame.”LaVerne Polk was a cute little whizz of efficiency. Like Napoleon and his army, she knew the name of every member of the department and was on a first-name basis with all. However, she was definitely a weird. For instance, styles might come and styles might go, but LaVerne dressed for comfort, did her hair the way she thought it looked best, and wore low-heeled walking shoes on the job. In fact, she was ready and willing to snarl at anyone, no matter how kindly intentioned, who even hinted that her nonconformity didn't help her promotion prospects.Woolford said,“Hi, LaVerne. I think the Boss is expecting me.”“That he is. Go right in, Larry.”She looked after him when he turned and left her desk. Lawrence Woolford cut a pleasant figure as thirty year old bachelors go.The Boss looked up from some report on his desk which he'd been frowning at, nodded to his field man and said,“Sit down, Lawrence. I'll be with you in a minute. Please take a look at this while you're waiting.”He handed over a banknote.Larry Woolford took it and found himself a comfortable chair. He examined the bill, front and back. It was a fifty dollar note, almost new.Finally the Boss, a stocky but impeccable career bureaucrat of the ultra-latest school, scribbled his initials on the report and tossed it into an Out chute. He said to Woolford,“I am sorry to cut short your vacation, Lawrence. I considered giving Walter Foster the assignment, but I think you're the better choice.”Larry decided the faint praise routine was the best tactic, said earnestly about his closest rival.“Walt's a good man, sir.”And then,“What's the crisis?”“What do you think of that fifty?”His trouble shooter looked down at it.“What is there to think about it?”The Boss grunted, slid open a desk drawer and brought forth another bill.“Here, look at this, please.”It was another fifty. Larry Woolford frowned at it, not getting whatever was going on.“Observe the serial numbers,”the Boss said impatiently.They were identical.Woolford looked up.“Counterfeit. Which one is the bad one?”[pg 007]“That is exactly what we would like to know,”the Boss said.Larry Woolford stared at his superior, blinked and then examined the bills again.“A beautiful job,”he said,“but what's it got to do with us, sir? This is Secret Service jurisdiction, counterfeiting.”“They called us in on it. They think it might have international ramifications.”Now they were getting somewhere. Larry Woolford put the two bills on the Boss' desk and leaned back in his chair, waiting.His superior said,“Remember the Nazis turning out American and British banknotes during the Second War?”“I was just a kid.”“I thought you might have read about it. At any rate, obviously a government—with all its resources—could counterfeit perfectly any currency in the world. It would have the skills, the equipment, the funds to accomplish the task. The Germans turned out hundreds of millions of dollars and pounds with the idea of confounding the Allied financial basics.”“And why didn't it work?”“The difficulty of getting it into circulation, for one thing. However, they did actually use a quantity. For a time our people were so alarmed that they wouldn't allow any bills to come into this country from Mexico except two-dollar denomination—the one denomination the Germans hadn't bothered to duplicate. Oh, they had the Secret Service in a dither for a time.”Woolford was frowning.“What's this got to do with our current situation?”The Boss said,“It is only a conjecture. One of those bills is counterfeit but such an excellent reproduction that the skill involved is beyond the resources of any known counterfeiter. Secret Service wants to know if it might be coming from abroad, and, if so, from where. If it's a governmental project, particularly a Soviet Complex one, then it comes into the ken of our particular cloak-and-dagger department.”“Yes, sir.”Woolford said. He got up and examined the two bills again.“How'd they ever detect that one was bad?”“Pure fortune. A bank clerk with an all but eidetic memory was going through a batch of fifties. It's not too commonly used a denomination, you know. Coincidence was involved since in that same sheaf the serial number was duplicated.”“And then?”“The reproduction was so perfect that Secret Service was in an immediate uproar. Short of the Nazi effort, there has never been anything like it. A perfect duplication of engraving and paper identically the same. The counterfeiters have even evidently gone to the extent of putting a certain amount of artificial wear on the bills before putting them into circulation.”Larry Woolford said,“This is out of my line. How were they able to check further, and how many more did they turn up?”[pg 008]“The new I.B.M. sorters help. Secret Service checked every fifty dollar bill in every institution in town both banking and governmental. Thus far, they have located ten bills in all.”“And other cities?”“None. They've all been passed in Greater Washington, which is suspicious in itself. The amount of expense that has gone into the manufacture of these bills does not allow for only a handful of them being passed. They should be turning up in number. Lawrence, this reproduction is such that a pusher could walk into a bank and have his false currency changed by any clerk.”“Wow,”Larry whistled.“Indeed.”“So you want me to work with Secret Service on this on the off chance that the Soviet Complex is doing us deliberate dirt.”“That is exactly the idea, Lawrence. Get to work, please, and keep in touch with me. If you need support, I can assign Walter Foster or some of the other operatives to assist you. This might have endless ramifications.”Back in the anteroom, Woolford said to the Boss' receptionist,“I'm on a local job, LaVerne, how about assigning me a girl?”“Can do,”she said.“And, look, tell her to get hold of every available work on counterfeiting and pile it on my desk.”“Right. Thinking of going into business, Larry?”He grinned down at her.“That's the idea. Keeping up with the Jones clan in this man's town costs roughly twice my income.”LaVerne said disapprovingly,“Then why not give it up? With the classification you've got a single man ought to be able to save half his pay.”She added, more quietly,“Or get married and support a family.”“Save half my pay?”Larry snorted.“And get a far out reputation, eh? No thanks, you can't afford to be a weird these days.”She flushed—and damn prettily, Larry Woolford decided. She could be an attractive item if it wasn't for obviously getting her kicks out of being individualistic.Larry said suddenly,“Look, promise like a good girl not to make us conspicuous and I'll take you to the Swank Room for dinner tonight.”“Is that where all the bright young men currently have to be seen once or twice a week?”she snapped back at him.“Get lost, Larry. Being a healthy, normal woman I'm interested in men, but not necessarily in walking status-symbols.”It was his turn to flush, and, he decided wryly, he probably didn't do it as prettily as she did.On his way to his office, he wondered why the Boss kept her on. Classically, a secretary-receptionist should have every pore in place, but in her time LaVerne Polk must have caused more than one bureaucratic eyebrow to raise. Efficiency was probably the answer; the Boss couldn't afford to let her go.[pg 009]Larry Woolford's office wasn't much more than a cubicle. He sat down at the desk and banged a drawer or two open and closed. He liked the work, liked the department, but theoretically he still had several days of vacation and hated to get back into routine.Had he known it, this was hardly going to be routine.He flicked the phone finally and asked for an outline. He dialed three numbers before getting his subject. The phone screen remained blank.“Hans?”he said.“Lawrence Woolford.”The Teutonic accent was heavy, the voice bluff.“Ah, Larry! you need some assistance to make your vacation? Perhaps a sinister, exotic young lady, complete with long cigarette holder?”Larry Woolford growled,“How'd you know I was on vacation?”The other laughed.“You know better than to ask that, my friend.”Larry said,“The vacation is over, Hans. I need some information.”The voice was more guarded now.“I owe you a favor or two.”“Don't you though? Look, Hans, what's new in the Russkie camp?”The heartiness was gone.“How do you mean?”“Is there anything big stirring? Is there anyone new in this country from the Soviet Complex?”“Well now—”the other's voice drifted away.Larry Woolford said impatiently,“Look, Hans, let's don't waste time fencing. You run a clearing agency for,ah, information. You're strictly a businessman, nonpartisan, so to speak. Fine, thus far our department has tolerated you. Perhaps we'll continue to. Perhaps the reason is that we figure we get more out of your existence than we lose. The Russkies evidently figure the same way, the proof being that you're alive and have branches in the capitals of every power on Earth.”“All right, all right,”the German said.“Let me think a moment. Can you give me an idea of what you're looking for?”There was an undernote of interest in the voice now.“No. I just want to know if you've heard anything new anti-my-side, from the other side. Or if you know of any fresh personnel recently from there.”“Frankly, I haven't. If you could give me a hint.”“I can't,”Larry said.“Look, Hans, like you say, you owe me a favor or two. If something comes up, let me know. Then I'll owe you one.”The voice was jovial again.“It's a bargain, my friend.”After Woolford had hung up, he scowled at the phone. He wondered if Hans Distelmayer was lying. The German commanded the largest professional spy ring in the world. It was possible, but difficult, for anything in espionage to develop without his having an inkling.The phone rang back. It was Steve Hackett of Secret Service on the screen.Hackett said,“Woolford, you coming[pg 010]over? I understand you've been assigned to get in our hair on this job.”“Huh,”Larry grunted.“The way I hear it, your whole department has given up, so I'm assigned to help you out of your usual fumble-fingered confusion.”Hackett snorted.“At any rate, can you drop over? I'm to work in liaison with you.”“Coming,”Larry said. He hung up, got to his feet and headed for the door. If they could crack this thing the first day, he'd take up that vacation where it'd been interrupted and possibly be able to wangle a few more days out of the Boss to boot.At this time of day, parking would have been a problem, in spite of automation of the streets. He left his car in the departmental lot and took a cab.The Counterfeit Division of the Secret Service occupied an impressive section of an impressive governmental building. Larry Woolford flashed his credentials here and there, explained to guards and receptionists here and there, and finally wound up in Steve Hackett's office which was all but a duplicate of his own in size and decor.Steve Hackett himself was a fairly accurate carbon copy of Woolford, barring facial resemblance alone. The fact was, Steve was almost Lincolnesque in his ugliness. Career man, about thirty, good university, crew cut, six foot, one hundred and seventy, earnest of eye. He wore Harris tweed. Larry Woolford made a note of that; possibly herringbone was coming back in. He winced at the thought of a major change in his wardrobe; it'd cost a fortune.They'd worked on a few cases together before when Steve Hackett had been assigned to the presidential bodyguard and co-operated well.Steve came to his feet and shook hands.“Thought that you were going to be down in Florida bass fishing this month. You like your work so well you can't stay away, or is it a matter of trying to impress your chief?”Larry growled,“Fine thing. Secret Service bogs down and they've got to call me in to clean up the mess.”Steve motioned him to a chair and immediately went serious.“Do you know anything about pushing queer, Woolford?”“That means passing counterfeit money, doesn't it? All I know is what's in the TriD crime shows.”“I can see you're going to be a lot of help. Have you got anywhere at all on the possibility that the stuff might be coming from abroad?”“Nothing positive,”Larry said.“Are you people accomplishing anything?”“We're just getting underway. There's something off-trail about this deal, Woolford. It doesn't fit into routine.”Larry Woolford said,“I wouldn't think so if the stuff is so good not even a bank clerk can tell the difference.”“That's not what I'm talking about now. Let me give you a run down on standard counterfeiting.”The Secret[pg 011]Service agent pushed back in his swivel chair, lit a cigarette, and propped his feet onto the edge of a partly open desk drawer.“Briefly, it goes like this. Some smart lad gets himself a set of plates and a platen press and—”Larry interrupted,“Where does he get the plates?”“That doesn't matter now,”Steve said.“Various ways. Maybe he makes them himself, sometimes he buys them from a crooked engraver. But I'm talking about pushing green goods once it's printed. Anyway, our friend runs off, say, a million dollars worth of fives. But he doesn't try to pass them himself. He wholesales them around netting, say, fifty thousand dollars. In other words, he sells twenty dollars in counterfeit for one good dollar.”Larry pursed his lips.“Quite a discount.”“Um-m-m. But that's safest from his angle. The half dozen or so distributors he sold it to don't try to pass it either. They also are playing it carefully. They peddle it, at say ten to one, to the next rung down the ladder.”“And these are the fellows that pass it, eh?”“Not even then, usually. These small timers take it and pass it on at five to one to the suckers in the trade, who take the biggest risks. Most of these are professional pushers of the queer, as the term goes. Some, however, are comparative amateurs. Sailors for instance, who buy with the idea of passing it in some foreign port where seamen's money flows fast.”Larry Woolford shifted in his chair.“So what are you building up to?”Steve Hackett rubbed the end of his pug nose with a forefinger in quick irritation.“Like I say, that's standard counterfeit procedure. We're all set up to meet it, and do a pretty good job. Where we have our difficulties is with amateurs.”Woolford scowled at him.Hackett said,“Some guy who makes and passes it himself, for instance. He's unknown to the stool pigeons, has no criminal record, does up comparatively small amounts and dribbles his product onto the market over a period of time. We had one old devil up in New York once who actuallydrewone dollar bills. He was a tremendous artist. It took us years to get him.”Larry Woolford said,“Well, why go into all this? We're hardly dealing with amateurs now.”Steve looked at him.“That's the trouble. We are.”“Are you batty? Not even your own experts can tell this product from real money.”“I didn't say it was beingmadeby amateurs. It's beingpushedby amateurs—or maybe amateur is the better word.”“How do you know?”“For one thing, most professionals won't touch anything bigger than a twenty. Tens are better, fives better still. When you pass a fifty, the person you give it to is apt to remember[pg 012]where he got it.”Steve Hackett said slowly,“Particularly if you give one as a tip to themaître d'hôtelin a first-class restaurant. Amaître d'holds his job on the strength of his ability to remember faces and names.”Illustration.“What else makes you think your pushers are amateurs?”“Amateur,”Hackett corrected.“Ideally, a pusher is an inconspicuous type. The kind of person whose face you'd never remember. It's never a teenage girl who's blowing money.”It was time to stare now, and Larry Woolford obliged.“A teenager!”“We've had four descriptions of her, one of them excellent. Fredrick, themaître d'over at La Calvados, is the one that counts, but the others jibe. She's bought perfume and gloves at Michel Swiss, the swankiest shop in town, a dress at Chez Marie—she passed three fifties there—and a hat at Paulette's over on Monroe Street.“That's another sign of the amateur, by the way. A competent pusher buys a small item and gets change from his counterfeit bill. Our girl's been buying expensive items, obviously more interested in the product than in her change.”“This doesn't seem to make much sense,”Larry Woolford protested.“You have any ideas at all?”“The question is,”Hackett said,“where did she get it? Is she connected with one of the embassies and acquired the stuff overseas? If so, that puts it in your lap again possibly—”The phone rang and Steve flicked the switch and grumbled,“Yeah? Steven Hackett speaking.”[pg 013]He listened for a moment then banged the phone off and jumped to his feet.“Come on, Larry,”he snapped.“This is it.”Larry stood, too.“Who was that?”“Fredrick, over at La Calvados. The girl has come in for lunch. Let's go!”La Calvados was the swankiest French restaurant in Greater Washington, a city not devoid of swank restaurants. Only the upper-echelons in governmental circles could afford its tariffs; the clientele was more apt to consist of business mucky-mucks and lobbyists on the make. Larry Woolford had eaten here exactly twice. You could get a reputation spending money far beyond your obvious pay status.Fredrick, themaître de hôtel, however, was able to greet them both by name.“Monsieur Hackett, Monsieur Woolford,”he bowed. He obviously didn't approve of La Calvados being used as a hangout where counterfeiters were picked up the authorities.“Where is she?”Steve said, looking out over the public dining room.Fredrick said, unprofessionally agitated,“See here, Monsieur Hackett, you didn't expect to, ah, arrest the young ladyhereduring our lunch hour?”Steve looked at him impatiently.“We don't exactly beat them over the head with blackjacks, slip the bracelets on and drag them screaming to the paddywagon.”“Of course not, monsieur, but—”Larry Woolford's chief dined here several times a week and was probably on the best of terms with Fredrick whose decisions on tables and whose degree of servility had a good deal of influence on a man's status in Greater Washington. Larry said wearily,“We can wait until she leaves. Where is she?”Fredrick had taken them to one side.“Do you see the young lady over near the window on the park? The rather gauche appearing type?”It was a teenager, all right. A youngster up to her eyebrows in the attempt to project sophistication.Steve said,“Do you know who she is?”“No,”Fredrick said.“Hardly our usual clientele.”“Oh?”Larry said.“She looks like money.”Fredrick said,“The dress appears as though it is of Chez Marie, but she wears it as though it came from Klein's. Her perfume is Chanel, but she has used approximately three times the quantity one would expect.”“That's our girl, all right,”Steve murmured.“Where can we keep an eye on her until she leaves?”“Why not at the bar here, Messieurs?”“Why not?”Larry said.“I could use a drink.”Fredrick cleared his throat.“Ah, Messieurs, that fifty I turned over you. I suppose it turned out to be spurious?”Steve grinned at him.“Afraid so, Fredrick. The department is holding it.”[pg 014]Larry took out his wallet.“However, we have a certain leeway on expenses on this assignment and appreciate your co-operation.”He handed two twenties and a ten to themaître d'. Fredrick bowed low, the money disappearing into his clothes magically.“Merci bien, monsieur.”At the bar, Steve scowled at his colleague.“Ha!”he said.“Why didn't I think of that first? He'll get down on his knees and bump his head each time he sees you in the joint from now on.”Larry Woolford waggled a finger at the other.“This is a status conscious town, my boy. Prestige means everything. When I take over my Boss' job, maybe we can swing a transfer and I'll give you a position suitable to your attainments.”He pursed his lips judiciously.“Although, come to think of it, that might mean a demotion from the job you're holding now.”“Vodka martini,”Steve told the bartender.“Polish vodka, of course.”“Of course, sir.”Larry said,“Same for me.”The bartender left and Steve muttered,“I hate vodka.”“Yeah,”Larry said,“But what're you going to do in a place like this, order some weird drink?”Steve dug into his pocket for money.“We're not going to have to drink them. Here she comes.”She walked with her head held high, hauteur in every step. Ignoring the peasants at the tables she passed.“Holy smokes,”Steve grunted.“It's a wonder Fredrick let her in.”She hesitated momentarily before the doorway of the prestige restaurant allowing the passers-by to realize she'd just emerged, and then turned to her right to promenade along the shopping street.Fifty feet below La Calvados, Steve said,“Let's go, Woolford.”One stepped to one elbow, the other to the other. Steve said quietly,“I wonder if we could ask you a few questions?”Her eyebrows went up,“Ibegyour pardon!”Steve sighed and displayed the badge pinned to his wallet, keeping it inconspicuous.“Secret Service, Miss,”he murmured.“Oh, devil,”she said. She looked up at Larry Woolford, and then back at Steve.Steve said,“Among other things, we're in charge of counterfeit money.”She was about five foot four in her heels, had obviously been on a round of beauty shops and had obviously instructed them to glamorize her. It hadn't come off. She still looked as though she'd be more at home as cheerleader of the junior class in small town high school. She was honey blond, green-blue of eye, and had that complexion they seldom carry even into the twenties.“I ... I don't know what you're talking about.”Her chin began to tremble.Larry said gently,“Don't worry. We just want to ask you some questions.”“Well ... like what?”She was[pg 015]going to be blinking back tears in a moment. At least Larry hoped she'd blink them back. He'd hate to have her start howling here in public.Larry said,“We think you can be of assistance to the government, and we'd like your help.”Steve rolled his eyes upward, but turned and waved for a street level cab.In the cab, Larry said,“Suppose we go over to my office, Steve?”“O.K. with me,”Steve muttered,“but by the looks of the young lady here, I think it's a false alarm from your angle. She's obviously an American. What's your name, Miss?”“It's Zusanette. Well, really, Susan.”“Susan what?”“I ... I'm not sure I want to tell you. I ... I want a lawyer.”“A lawyer!”Steve snorted.“You mean you want the juvenile authorities, don't you?”“Oh, what a mean thing to say,”she sputtered.In the corridor outside the Boss' suite of offices, Larry said to Steve,“You take Miss ... ah, Zusanette to my office, will you Steve. I'll be there in a minute.”He opened the door to the anteroom and said,“LaVerne, we've got a girl in my office—”“Why, Larry!”He glowered at her.“A suspect. I want a complete tape of everything said. As soon as we're through, have copies made, at least three or four.”“And, who, Mr. Woolford, was your girl Friday last year?”“This is important, honey. I suppose you've supplied me with a secretary but I haven't even met her yet. Take care of it, will you?”“Sure enough, Larry.”He followed Steve and the girl to his office.Once seated, the girl and Steve in the only two extra chairs the cubicle boasted and Larry behind his desk, he looked at her in what he hoped was reassurance.“Just tell us where you got the money, Zusanette.”Steve reached out a hand suddenly and took her bag from her lap. She gasped and snatched at it, but he eluded her and she sat back, her chin trembling again.Steve came up with a thick sheaf of bills, the top ones, at least, all fifties and tossed them to Larry's desk. He took out a school pass and read,“Susan Self, Elwood Avenue.”He looked up at Larry and said,“That's right off Eastern, near Paterson Park in the Baltimore section of town, isn't it?”Larry said to her,“Zusanette, I think you'd better tell us where you got all this money.”“I found it,”she said defiantly.“You can't do anything to me if I simply found it. Anybody can find money. Finders keepers—”“But if it's counterfeit,”Steve interrupted dryly,“it might also be, finders weepers.”“Where did you find it, Zusanette?”Larry said gently.She tightened her lips, and the trembling of her chin disappeared.“I ... I can't tell you that. But it's[pg 016]not counterfeit. Daddy ... my father said it was as good as any money the government prints.”“That it is,”Steve said sourly.“But it's still counterfeit, which makes it very illegal indeed to spend, Miss Self.”She looked from one of them to the other, not clear about her position. She said to Larry,“You mean it's notrealmoney?”He kept his tone disarming, but shook his head,“I'm afraid not, Zusanette. Now, tell us, where did you find it?”“I can't. I promised”“I see. Then you don't know to whom it originally belonged?”“It didn't belong to anybody.”Steve Hackett made with a disbelieving whistle. He was taking the part of the tough, suspicious cop; Larry the part of the understanding, sympathetic officer, trying to give the suspect a break.Susan Self turned quickly on Steve.“Well, it didn't. You don't even know.”Larry said,“I think she's telling the truth, Steve. Give her a chance. She's playing fair.”He looked back at the girl, and frowned his puzzlement.“All money belongs tosomebodydoesn't it?”She had them now. She said superiorly.“Not necessarily to somebody. It can belong to, like, an organization.”Steve grunted skepticism.“I think we ought to arrest her,”he said.Larry held up a hand, his face registering opposition.“I'll handle this,”he said sharply.“Zusanette is doing everything she can to co-operate.”He turned back to the girl.“Now, the question is, what organization did this money belong to?”She looked triumphantly at Steve Hackett.“It belonged to the Movement.”They both looked at her.Steve said finally,“What movement?”She pouted in thought.“That's the only name they call it.”“Who's they?”Steve snapped nastily.“I ... I don't know.”Larry said,“Well, you already told us your father was a member, Zusanette.”Her eyes went wide.“I did? I shouldn't have said that.”But she evidently took him at his word.Larry said encouragingly,“Well, we might as well go on. Who else is a member of this Movement besides your father?”She shifted in her chair uncomfortably.“I don't know any of their names.”Steve looked down at the school pass in his hands. He said to Larry,“I'd better make a phone call.”He left.
[Transcriber's Note: This text was produced from Analog Science Fact & Fiction August 1961. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]In his income bracket and in the suburb in which he lived, government employees in the twenty-five to thirty-five age group were currently wearing tweeds. Tweeds were in. Not to wear tweeds was Non-U.Lawrence Woolford wore tweeds. His suit, this morning, had first seen the light of day on a hand loom in Donegal. It had been cut by a Swede widely patronized by serious young career men in Lawrence Woolford's status group; English tailors were out currently and Italians unheard of.Woolford sauntered down the walk before his auto-bungalow, scowling at the sportscar at the curb—wrong year, wrong make. He'd have to trade it in on a new model. Which was a shame in a way, he liked the car. However, he had no desire to get a reputation as a weird among colleagues and friends. What was it Senator Carey MacArthur had said the other day? Show me a weird and I'll show you a person who has taken the first step toward being a Commie.Woolford slid under the wheel, dropped the lift lever, depressed gently the thrust pedal and took off for downtown Greater Washington. Theoretically, he had another four days of vacation coming to him. He wondered[pg 006]what the Boss wanted. That was the trouble in being one of the Boss' favorite trouble shooters, when trouble arose you wound up in the middle of it. Lawrence Woolford was to the point where he was thinking in terms of graduating out of field work and taking on a desk job which meant promotion in status and pay.He turned over his car to a parker at the departmental parking lot and made his way through the entrance utilized by second-grade departmental officials. In another year, he told himself, he'd be using that other door.The Boss' reception secretary looked up when Lawrence Woolford entered the anteroom where she presided.“Hello, Larry,”she said.“Hear they called your vacation short. Darn shame.”LaVerne Polk was a cute little whizz of efficiency. Like Napoleon and his army, she knew the name of every member of the department and was on a first-name basis with all. However, she was definitely a weird. For instance, styles might come and styles might go, but LaVerne dressed for comfort, did her hair the way she thought it looked best, and wore low-heeled walking shoes on the job. In fact, she was ready and willing to snarl at anyone, no matter how kindly intentioned, who even hinted that her nonconformity didn't help her promotion prospects.Woolford said,“Hi, LaVerne. I think the Boss is expecting me.”“That he is. Go right in, Larry.”She looked after him when he turned and left her desk. Lawrence Woolford cut a pleasant figure as thirty year old bachelors go.The Boss looked up from some report on his desk which he'd been frowning at, nodded to his field man and said,“Sit down, Lawrence. I'll be with you in a minute. Please take a look at this while you're waiting.”He handed over a banknote.Larry Woolford took it and found himself a comfortable chair. He examined the bill, front and back. It was a fifty dollar note, almost new.Finally the Boss, a stocky but impeccable career bureaucrat of the ultra-latest school, scribbled his initials on the report and tossed it into an Out chute. He said to Woolford,“I am sorry to cut short your vacation, Lawrence. I considered giving Walter Foster the assignment, but I think you're the better choice.”Larry decided the faint praise routine was the best tactic, said earnestly about his closest rival.“Walt's a good man, sir.”And then,“What's the crisis?”“What do you think of that fifty?”His trouble shooter looked down at it.“What is there to think about it?”The Boss grunted, slid open a desk drawer and brought forth another bill.“Here, look at this, please.”It was another fifty. Larry Woolford frowned at it, not getting whatever was going on.“Observe the serial numbers,”the Boss said impatiently.They were identical.Woolford looked up.“Counterfeit. Which one is the bad one?”[pg 007]“That is exactly what we would like to know,”the Boss said.Larry Woolford stared at his superior, blinked and then examined the bills again.“A beautiful job,”he said,“but what's it got to do with us, sir? This is Secret Service jurisdiction, counterfeiting.”“They called us in on it. They think it might have international ramifications.”Now they were getting somewhere. Larry Woolford put the two bills on the Boss' desk and leaned back in his chair, waiting.His superior said,“Remember the Nazis turning out American and British banknotes during the Second War?”“I was just a kid.”“I thought you might have read about it. At any rate, obviously a government—with all its resources—could counterfeit perfectly any currency in the world. It would have the skills, the equipment, the funds to accomplish the task. The Germans turned out hundreds of millions of dollars and pounds with the idea of confounding the Allied financial basics.”“And why didn't it work?”“The difficulty of getting it into circulation, for one thing. However, they did actually use a quantity. For a time our people were so alarmed that they wouldn't allow any bills to come into this country from Mexico except two-dollar denomination—the one denomination the Germans hadn't bothered to duplicate. Oh, they had the Secret Service in a dither for a time.”Woolford was frowning.“What's this got to do with our current situation?”The Boss said,“It is only a conjecture. One of those bills is counterfeit but such an excellent reproduction that the skill involved is beyond the resources of any known counterfeiter. Secret Service wants to know if it might be coming from abroad, and, if so, from where. If it's a governmental project, particularly a Soviet Complex one, then it comes into the ken of our particular cloak-and-dagger department.”“Yes, sir.”Woolford said. He got up and examined the two bills again.“How'd they ever detect that one was bad?”“Pure fortune. A bank clerk with an all but eidetic memory was going through a batch of fifties. It's not too commonly used a denomination, you know. Coincidence was involved since in that same sheaf the serial number was duplicated.”“And then?”“The reproduction was so perfect that Secret Service was in an immediate uproar. Short of the Nazi effort, there has never been anything like it. A perfect duplication of engraving and paper identically the same. The counterfeiters have even evidently gone to the extent of putting a certain amount of artificial wear on the bills before putting them into circulation.”Larry Woolford said,“This is out of my line. How were they able to check further, and how many more did they turn up?”[pg 008]“The new I.B.M. sorters help. Secret Service checked every fifty dollar bill in every institution in town both banking and governmental. Thus far, they have located ten bills in all.”“And other cities?”“None. They've all been passed in Greater Washington, which is suspicious in itself. The amount of expense that has gone into the manufacture of these bills does not allow for only a handful of them being passed. They should be turning up in number. Lawrence, this reproduction is such that a pusher could walk into a bank and have his false currency changed by any clerk.”“Wow,”Larry whistled.“Indeed.”“So you want me to work with Secret Service on this on the off chance that the Soviet Complex is doing us deliberate dirt.”“That is exactly the idea, Lawrence. Get to work, please, and keep in touch with me. If you need support, I can assign Walter Foster or some of the other operatives to assist you. This might have endless ramifications.”Back in the anteroom, Woolford said to the Boss' receptionist,“I'm on a local job, LaVerne, how about assigning me a girl?”“Can do,”she said.“And, look, tell her to get hold of every available work on counterfeiting and pile it on my desk.”“Right. Thinking of going into business, Larry?”He grinned down at her.“That's the idea. Keeping up with the Jones clan in this man's town costs roughly twice my income.”LaVerne said disapprovingly,“Then why not give it up? With the classification you've got a single man ought to be able to save half his pay.”She added, more quietly,“Or get married and support a family.”“Save half my pay?”Larry snorted.“And get a far out reputation, eh? No thanks, you can't afford to be a weird these days.”She flushed—and damn prettily, Larry Woolford decided. She could be an attractive item if it wasn't for obviously getting her kicks out of being individualistic.Larry said suddenly,“Look, promise like a good girl not to make us conspicuous and I'll take you to the Swank Room for dinner tonight.”“Is that where all the bright young men currently have to be seen once or twice a week?”she snapped back at him.“Get lost, Larry. Being a healthy, normal woman I'm interested in men, but not necessarily in walking status-symbols.”It was his turn to flush, and, he decided wryly, he probably didn't do it as prettily as she did.On his way to his office, he wondered why the Boss kept her on. Classically, a secretary-receptionist should have every pore in place, but in her time LaVerne Polk must have caused more than one bureaucratic eyebrow to raise. Efficiency was probably the answer; the Boss couldn't afford to let her go.[pg 009]Larry Woolford's office wasn't much more than a cubicle. He sat down at the desk and banged a drawer or two open and closed. He liked the work, liked the department, but theoretically he still had several days of vacation and hated to get back into routine.Had he known it, this was hardly going to be routine.He flicked the phone finally and asked for an outline. He dialed three numbers before getting his subject. The phone screen remained blank.“Hans?”he said.“Lawrence Woolford.”The Teutonic accent was heavy, the voice bluff.“Ah, Larry! you need some assistance to make your vacation? Perhaps a sinister, exotic young lady, complete with long cigarette holder?”Larry Woolford growled,“How'd you know I was on vacation?”The other laughed.“You know better than to ask that, my friend.”Larry said,“The vacation is over, Hans. I need some information.”The voice was more guarded now.“I owe you a favor or two.”“Don't you though? Look, Hans, what's new in the Russkie camp?”The heartiness was gone.“How do you mean?”“Is there anything big stirring? Is there anyone new in this country from the Soviet Complex?”“Well now—”the other's voice drifted away.Larry Woolford said impatiently,“Look, Hans, let's don't waste time fencing. You run a clearing agency for,ah, information. You're strictly a businessman, nonpartisan, so to speak. Fine, thus far our department has tolerated you. Perhaps we'll continue to. Perhaps the reason is that we figure we get more out of your existence than we lose. The Russkies evidently figure the same way, the proof being that you're alive and have branches in the capitals of every power on Earth.”“All right, all right,”the German said.“Let me think a moment. Can you give me an idea of what you're looking for?”There was an undernote of interest in the voice now.“No. I just want to know if you've heard anything new anti-my-side, from the other side. Or if you know of any fresh personnel recently from there.”“Frankly, I haven't. If you could give me a hint.”“I can't,”Larry said.“Look, Hans, like you say, you owe me a favor or two. If something comes up, let me know. Then I'll owe you one.”The voice was jovial again.“It's a bargain, my friend.”After Woolford had hung up, he scowled at the phone. He wondered if Hans Distelmayer was lying. The German commanded the largest professional spy ring in the world. It was possible, but difficult, for anything in espionage to develop without his having an inkling.The phone rang back. It was Steve Hackett of Secret Service on the screen.Hackett said,“Woolford, you coming[pg 010]over? I understand you've been assigned to get in our hair on this job.”“Huh,”Larry grunted.“The way I hear it, your whole department has given up, so I'm assigned to help you out of your usual fumble-fingered confusion.”Hackett snorted.“At any rate, can you drop over? I'm to work in liaison with you.”“Coming,”Larry said. He hung up, got to his feet and headed for the door. If they could crack this thing the first day, he'd take up that vacation where it'd been interrupted and possibly be able to wangle a few more days out of the Boss to boot.At this time of day, parking would have been a problem, in spite of automation of the streets. He left his car in the departmental lot and took a cab.The Counterfeit Division of the Secret Service occupied an impressive section of an impressive governmental building. Larry Woolford flashed his credentials here and there, explained to guards and receptionists here and there, and finally wound up in Steve Hackett's office which was all but a duplicate of his own in size and decor.Steve Hackett himself was a fairly accurate carbon copy of Woolford, barring facial resemblance alone. The fact was, Steve was almost Lincolnesque in his ugliness. Career man, about thirty, good university, crew cut, six foot, one hundred and seventy, earnest of eye. He wore Harris tweed. Larry Woolford made a note of that; possibly herringbone was coming back in. He winced at the thought of a major change in his wardrobe; it'd cost a fortune.They'd worked on a few cases together before when Steve Hackett had been assigned to the presidential bodyguard and co-operated well.Steve came to his feet and shook hands.“Thought that you were going to be down in Florida bass fishing this month. You like your work so well you can't stay away, or is it a matter of trying to impress your chief?”Larry growled,“Fine thing. Secret Service bogs down and they've got to call me in to clean up the mess.”Steve motioned him to a chair and immediately went serious.“Do you know anything about pushing queer, Woolford?”“That means passing counterfeit money, doesn't it? All I know is what's in the TriD crime shows.”“I can see you're going to be a lot of help. Have you got anywhere at all on the possibility that the stuff might be coming from abroad?”“Nothing positive,”Larry said.“Are you people accomplishing anything?”“We're just getting underway. There's something off-trail about this deal, Woolford. It doesn't fit into routine.”Larry Woolford said,“I wouldn't think so if the stuff is so good not even a bank clerk can tell the difference.”“That's not what I'm talking about now. Let me give you a run down on standard counterfeiting.”The Secret[pg 011]Service agent pushed back in his swivel chair, lit a cigarette, and propped his feet onto the edge of a partly open desk drawer.“Briefly, it goes like this. Some smart lad gets himself a set of plates and a platen press and—”Larry interrupted,“Where does he get the plates?”“That doesn't matter now,”Steve said.“Various ways. Maybe he makes them himself, sometimes he buys them from a crooked engraver. But I'm talking about pushing green goods once it's printed. Anyway, our friend runs off, say, a million dollars worth of fives. But he doesn't try to pass them himself. He wholesales them around netting, say, fifty thousand dollars. In other words, he sells twenty dollars in counterfeit for one good dollar.”Larry pursed his lips.“Quite a discount.”“Um-m-m. But that's safest from his angle. The half dozen or so distributors he sold it to don't try to pass it either. They also are playing it carefully. They peddle it, at say ten to one, to the next rung down the ladder.”“And these are the fellows that pass it, eh?”“Not even then, usually. These small timers take it and pass it on at five to one to the suckers in the trade, who take the biggest risks. Most of these are professional pushers of the queer, as the term goes. Some, however, are comparative amateurs. Sailors for instance, who buy with the idea of passing it in some foreign port where seamen's money flows fast.”Larry Woolford shifted in his chair.“So what are you building up to?”Steve Hackett rubbed the end of his pug nose with a forefinger in quick irritation.“Like I say, that's standard counterfeit procedure. We're all set up to meet it, and do a pretty good job. Where we have our difficulties is with amateurs.”Woolford scowled at him.Hackett said,“Some guy who makes and passes it himself, for instance. He's unknown to the stool pigeons, has no criminal record, does up comparatively small amounts and dribbles his product onto the market over a period of time. We had one old devil up in New York once who actuallydrewone dollar bills. He was a tremendous artist. It took us years to get him.”Larry Woolford said,“Well, why go into all this? We're hardly dealing with amateurs now.”Steve looked at him.“That's the trouble. We are.”“Are you batty? Not even your own experts can tell this product from real money.”“I didn't say it was beingmadeby amateurs. It's beingpushedby amateurs—or maybe amateur is the better word.”“How do you know?”“For one thing, most professionals won't touch anything bigger than a twenty. Tens are better, fives better still. When you pass a fifty, the person you give it to is apt to remember[pg 012]where he got it.”Steve Hackett said slowly,“Particularly if you give one as a tip to themaître d'hôtelin a first-class restaurant. Amaître d'holds his job on the strength of his ability to remember faces and names.”Illustration.“What else makes you think your pushers are amateurs?”“Amateur,”Hackett corrected.“Ideally, a pusher is an inconspicuous type. The kind of person whose face you'd never remember. It's never a teenage girl who's blowing money.”It was time to stare now, and Larry Woolford obliged.“A teenager!”“We've had four descriptions of her, one of them excellent. Fredrick, themaître d'over at La Calvados, is the one that counts, but the others jibe. She's bought perfume and gloves at Michel Swiss, the swankiest shop in town, a dress at Chez Marie—she passed three fifties there—and a hat at Paulette's over on Monroe Street.“That's another sign of the amateur, by the way. A competent pusher buys a small item and gets change from his counterfeit bill. Our girl's been buying expensive items, obviously more interested in the product than in her change.”“This doesn't seem to make much sense,”Larry Woolford protested.“You have any ideas at all?”“The question is,”Hackett said,“where did she get it? Is she connected with one of the embassies and acquired the stuff overseas? If so, that puts it in your lap again possibly—”The phone rang and Steve flicked the switch and grumbled,“Yeah? Steven Hackett speaking.”[pg 013]He listened for a moment then banged the phone off and jumped to his feet.“Come on, Larry,”he snapped.“This is it.”Larry stood, too.“Who was that?”“Fredrick, over at La Calvados. The girl has come in for lunch. Let's go!”La Calvados was the swankiest French restaurant in Greater Washington, a city not devoid of swank restaurants. Only the upper-echelons in governmental circles could afford its tariffs; the clientele was more apt to consist of business mucky-mucks and lobbyists on the make. Larry Woolford had eaten here exactly twice. You could get a reputation spending money far beyond your obvious pay status.Fredrick, themaître de hôtel, however, was able to greet them both by name.“Monsieur Hackett, Monsieur Woolford,”he bowed. He obviously didn't approve of La Calvados being used as a hangout where counterfeiters were picked up the authorities.“Where is she?”Steve said, looking out over the public dining room.Fredrick said, unprofessionally agitated,“See here, Monsieur Hackett, you didn't expect to, ah, arrest the young ladyhereduring our lunch hour?”Steve looked at him impatiently.“We don't exactly beat them over the head with blackjacks, slip the bracelets on and drag them screaming to the paddywagon.”“Of course not, monsieur, but—”Larry Woolford's chief dined here several times a week and was probably on the best of terms with Fredrick whose decisions on tables and whose degree of servility had a good deal of influence on a man's status in Greater Washington. Larry said wearily,“We can wait until she leaves. Where is she?”Fredrick had taken them to one side.“Do you see the young lady over near the window on the park? The rather gauche appearing type?”It was a teenager, all right. A youngster up to her eyebrows in the attempt to project sophistication.Steve said,“Do you know who she is?”“No,”Fredrick said.“Hardly our usual clientele.”“Oh?”Larry said.“She looks like money.”Fredrick said,“The dress appears as though it is of Chez Marie, but she wears it as though it came from Klein's. Her perfume is Chanel, but she has used approximately three times the quantity one would expect.”“That's our girl, all right,”Steve murmured.“Where can we keep an eye on her until she leaves?”“Why not at the bar here, Messieurs?”“Why not?”Larry said.“I could use a drink.”Fredrick cleared his throat.“Ah, Messieurs, that fifty I turned over you. I suppose it turned out to be spurious?”Steve grinned at him.“Afraid so, Fredrick. The department is holding it.”[pg 014]Larry took out his wallet.“However, we have a certain leeway on expenses on this assignment and appreciate your co-operation.”He handed two twenties and a ten to themaître d'. Fredrick bowed low, the money disappearing into his clothes magically.“Merci bien, monsieur.”At the bar, Steve scowled at his colleague.“Ha!”he said.“Why didn't I think of that first? He'll get down on his knees and bump his head each time he sees you in the joint from now on.”Larry Woolford waggled a finger at the other.“This is a status conscious town, my boy. Prestige means everything. When I take over my Boss' job, maybe we can swing a transfer and I'll give you a position suitable to your attainments.”He pursed his lips judiciously.“Although, come to think of it, that might mean a demotion from the job you're holding now.”“Vodka martini,”Steve told the bartender.“Polish vodka, of course.”“Of course, sir.”Larry said,“Same for me.”The bartender left and Steve muttered,“I hate vodka.”“Yeah,”Larry said,“But what're you going to do in a place like this, order some weird drink?”Steve dug into his pocket for money.“We're not going to have to drink them. Here she comes.”She walked with her head held high, hauteur in every step. Ignoring the peasants at the tables she passed.“Holy smokes,”Steve grunted.“It's a wonder Fredrick let her in.”She hesitated momentarily before the doorway of the prestige restaurant allowing the passers-by to realize she'd just emerged, and then turned to her right to promenade along the shopping street.Fifty feet below La Calvados, Steve said,“Let's go, Woolford.”One stepped to one elbow, the other to the other. Steve said quietly,“I wonder if we could ask you a few questions?”Her eyebrows went up,“Ibegyour pardon!”Steve sighed and displayed the badge pinned to his wallet, keeping it inconspicuous.“Secret Service, Miss,”he murmured.“Oh, devil,”she said. She looked up at Larry Woolford, and then back at Steve.Steve said,“Among other things, we're in charge of counterfeit money.”She was about five foot four in her heels, had obviously been on a round of beauty shops and had obviously instructed them to glamorize her. It hadn't come off. She still looked as though she'd be more at home as cheerleader of the junior class in small town high school. She was honey blond, green-blue of eye, and had that complexion they seldom carry even into the twenties.“I ... I don't know what you're talking about.”Her chin began to tremble.Larry said gently,“Don't worry. We just want to ask you some questions.”“Well ... like what?”She was[pg 015]going to be blinking back tears in a moment. At least Larry hoped she'd blink them back. He'd hate to have her start howling here in public.Larry said,“We think you can be of assistance to the government, and we'd like your help.”Steve rolled his eyes upward, but turned and waved for a street level cab.In the cab, Larry said,“Suppose we go over to my office, Steve?”“O.K. with me,”Steve muttered,“but by the looks of the young lady here, I think it's a false alarm from your angle. She's obviously an American. What's your name, Miss?”“It's Zusanette. Well, really, Susan.”“Susan what?”“I ... I'm not sure I want to tell you. I ... I want a lawyer.”“A lawyer!”Steve snorted.“You mean you want the juvenile authorities, don't you?”“Oh, what a mean thing to say,”she sputtered.In the corridor outside the Boss' suite of offices, Larry said to Steve,“You take Miss ... ah, Zusanette to my office, will you Steve. I'll be there in a minute.”He opened the door to the anteroom and said,“LaVerne, we've got a girl in my office—”“Why, Larry!”He glowered at her.“A suspect. I want a complete tape of everything said. As soon as we're through, have copies made, at least three or four.”“And, who, Mr. Woolford, was your girl Friday last year?”“This is important, honey. I suppose you've supplied me with a secretary but I haven't even met her yet. Take care of it, will you?”“Sure enough, Larry.”He followed Steve and the girl to his office.Once seated, the girl and Steve in the only two extra chairs the cubicle boasted and Larry behind his desk, he looked at her in what he hoped was reassurance.“Just tell us where you got the money, Zusanette.”Steve reached out a hand suddenly and took her bag from her lap. She gasped and snatched at it, but he eluded her and she sat back, her chin trembling again.Steve came up with a thick sheaf of bills, the top ones, at least, all fifties and tossed them to Larry's desk. He took out a school pass and read,“Susan Self, Elwood Avenue.”He looked up at Larry and said,“That's right off Eastern, near Paterson Park in the Baltimore section of town, isn't it?”Larry said to her,“Zusanette, I think you'd better tell us where you got all this money.”“I found it,”she said defiantly.“You can't do anything to me if I simply found it. Anybody can find money. Finders keepers—”“But if it's counterfeit,”Steve interrupted dryly,“it might also be, finders weepers.”“Where did you find it, Zusanette?”Larry said gently.She tightened her lips, and the trembling of her chin disappeared.“I ... I can't tell you that. But it's[pg 016]not counterfeit. Daddy ... my father said it was as good as any money the government prints.”“That it is,”Steve said sourly.“But it's still counterfeit, which makes it very illegal indeed to spend, Miss Self.”She looked from one of them to the other, not clear about her position. She said to Larry,“You mean it's notrealmoney?”He kept his tone disarming, but shook his head,“I'm afraid not, Zusanette. Now, tell us, where did you find it?”“I can't. I promised”“I see. Then you don't know to whom it originally belonged?”“It didn't belong to anybody.”Steve Hackett made with a disbelieving whistle. He was taking the part of the tough, suspicious cop; Larry the part of the understanding, sympathetic officer, trying to give the suspect a break.Susan Self turned quickly on Steve.“Well, it didn't. You don't even know.”Larry said,“I think she's telling the truth, Steve. Give her a chance. She's playing fair.”He looked back at the girl, and frowned his puzzlement.“All money belongs tosomebodydoesn't it?”She had them now. She said superiorly.“Not necessarily to somebody. It can belong to, like, an organization.”Steve grunted skepticism.“I think we ought to arrest her,”he said.Larry held up a hand, his face registering opposition.“I'll handle this,”he said sharply.“Zusanette is doing everything she can to co-operate.”He turned back to the girl.“Now, the question is, what organization did this money belong to?”She looked triumphantly at Steve Hackett.“It belonged to the Movement.”They both looked at her.Steve said finally,“What movement?”She pouted in thought.“That's the only name they call it.”“Who's they?”Steve snapped nastily.“I ... I don't know.”Larry said,“Well, you already told us your father was a member, Zusanette.”Her eyes went wide.“I did? I shouldn't have said that.”But she evidently took him at his word.Larry said encouragingly,“Well, we might as well go on. Who else is a member of this Movement besides your father?”She shifted in her chair uncomfortably.“I don't know any of their names.”Steve looked down at the school pass in his hands. He said to Larry,“I'd better make a phone call.”He left.
[Transcriber's Note: This text was produced from Analog Science Fact & Fiction August 1961. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]In his income bracket and in the suburb in which he lived, government employees in the twenty-five to thirty-five age group were currently wearing tweeds. Tweeds were in. Not to wear tweeds was Non-U.Lawrence Woolford wore tweeds. His suit, this morning, had first seen the light of day on a hand loom in Donegal. It had been cut by a Swede widely patronized by serious young career men in Lawrence Woolford's status group; English tailors were out currently and Italians unheard of.Woolford sauntered down the walk before his auto-bungalow, scowling at the sportscar at the curb—wrong year, wrong make. He'd have to trade it in on a new model. Which was a shame in a way, he liked the car. However, he had no desire to get a reputation as a weird among colleagues and friends. What was it Senator Carey MacArthur had said the other day? Show me a weird and I'll show you a person who has taken the first step toward being a Commie.Woolford slid under the wheel, dropped the lift lever, depressed gently the thrust pedal and took off for downtown Greater Washington. Theoretically, he had another four days of vacation coming to him. He wondered[pg 006]what the Boss wanted. That was the trouble in being one of the Boss' favorite trouble shooters, when trouble arose you wound up in the middle of it. Lawrence Woolford was to the point where he was thinking in terms of graduating out of field work and taking on a desk job which meant promotion in status and pay.He turned over his car to a parker at the departmental parking lot and made his way through the entrance utilized by second-grade departmental officials. In another year, he told himself, he'd be using that other door.The Boss' reception secretary looked up when Lawrence Woolford entered the anteroom where she presided.“Hello, Larry,”she said.“Hear they called your vacation short. Darn shame.”LaVerne Polk was a cute little whizz of efficiency. Like Napoleon and his army, she knew the name of every member of the department and was on a first-name basis with all. However, she was definitely a weird. For instance, styles might come and styles might go, but LaVerne dressed for comfort, did her hair the way she thought it looked best, and wore low-heeled walking shoes on the job. In fact, she was ready and willing to snarl at anyone, no matter how kindly intentioned, who even hinted that her nonconformity didn't help her promotion prospects.Woolford said,“Hi, LaVerne. I think the Boss is expecting me.”“That he is. Go right in, Larry.”She looked after him when he turned and left her desk. Lawrence Woolford cut a pleasant figure as thirty year old bachelors go.The Boss looked up from some report on his desk which he'd been frowning at, nodded to his field man and said,“Sit down, Lawrence. I'll be with you in a minute. Please take a look at this while you're waiting.”He handed over a banknote.Larry Woolford took it and found himself a comfortable chair. He examined the bill, front and back. It was a fifty dollar note, almost new.Finally the Boss, a stocky but impeccable career bureaucrat of the ultra-latest school, scribbled his initials on the report and tossed it into an Out chute. He said to Woolford,“I am sorry to cut short your vacation, Lawrence. I considered giving Walter Foster the assignment, but I think you're the better choice.”Larry decided the faint praise routine was the best tactic, said earnestly about his closest rival.“Walt's a good man, sir.”And then,“What's the crisis?”“What do you think of that fifty?”His trouble shooter looked down at it.“What is there to think about it?”The Boss grunted, slid open a desk drawer and brought forth another bill.“Here, look at this, please.”It was another fifty. Larry Woolford frowned at it, not getting whatever was going on.“Observe the serial numbers,”the Boss said impatiently.They were identical.Woolford looked up.“Counterfeit. Which one is the bad one?”[pg 007]“That is exactly what we would like to know,”the Boss said.Larry Woolford stared at his superior, blinked and then examined the bills again.“A beautiful job,”he said,“but what's it got to do with us, sir? This is Secret Service jurisdiction, counterfeiting.”“They called us in on it. They think it might have international ramifications.”Now they were getting somewhere. Larry Woolford put the two bills on the Boss' desk and leaned back in his chair, waiting.His superior said,“Remember the Nazis turning out American and British banknotes during the Second War?”“I was just a kid.”“I thought you might have read about it. At any rate, obviously a government—with all its resources—could counterfeit perfectly any currency in the world. It would have the skills, the equipment, the funds to accomplish the task. The Germans turned out hundreds of millions of dollars and pounds with the idea of confounding the Allied financial basics.”“And why didn't it work?”“The difficulty of getting it into circulation, for one thing. However, they did actually use a quantity. For a time our people were so alarmed that they wouldn't allow any bills to come into this country from Mexico except two-dollar denomination—the one denomination the Germans hadn't bothered to duplicate. Oh, they had the Secret Service in a dither for a time.”Woolford was frowning.“What's this got to do with our current situation?”The Boss said,“It is only a conjecture. One of those bills is counterfeit but such an excellent reproduction that the skill involved is beyond the resources of any known counterfeiter. Secret Service wants to know if it might be coming from abroad, and, if so, from where. If it's a governmental project, particularly a Soviet Complex one, then it comes into the ken of our particular cloak-and-dagger department.”“Yes, sir.”Woolford said. He got up and examined the two bills again.“How'd they ever detect that one was bad?”“Pure fortune. A bank clerk with an all but eidetic memory was going through a batch of fifties. It's not too commonly used a denomination, you know. Coincidence was involved since in that same sheaf the serial number was duplicated.”“And then?”“The reproduction was so perfect that Secret Service was in an immediate uproar. Short of the Nazi effort, there has never been anything like it. A perfect duplication of engraving and paper identically the same. The counterfeiters have even evidently gone to the extent of putting a certain amount of artificial wear on the bills before putting them into circulation.”Larry Woolford said,“This is out of my line. How were they able to check further, and how many more did they turn up?”[pg 008]“The new I.B.M. sorters help. Secret Service checked every fifty dollar bill in every institution in town both banking and governmental. Thus far, they have located ten bills in all.”“And other cities?”“None. They've all been passed in Greater Washington, which is suspicious in itself. The amount of expense that has gone into the manufacture of these bills does not allow for only a handful of them being passed. They should be turning up in number. Lawrence, this reproduction is such that a pusher could walk into a bank and have his false currency changed by any clerk.”“Wow,”Larry whistled.“Indeed.”“So you want me to work with Secret Service on this on the off chance that the Soviet Complex is doing us deliberate dirt.”“That is exactly the idea, Lawrence. Get to work, please, and keep in touch with me. If you need support, I can assign Walter Foster or some of the other operatives to assist you. This might have endless ramifications.”Back in the anteroom, Woolford said to the Boss' receptionist,“I'm on a local job, LaVerne, how about assigning me a girl?”“Can do,”she said.“And, look, tell her to get hold of every available work on counterfeiting and pile it on my desk.”“Right. Thinking of going into business, Larry?”He grinned down at her.“That's the idea. Keeping up with the Jones clan in this man's town costs roughly twice my income.”LaVerne said disapprovingly,“Then why not give it up? With the classification you've got a single man ought to be able to save half his pay.”She added, more quietly,“Or get married and support a family.”“Save half my pay?”Larry snorted.“And get a far out reputation, eh? No thanks, you can't afford to be a weird these days.”She flushed—and damn prettily, Larry Woolford decided. She could be an attractive item if it wasn't for obviously getting her kicks out of being individualistic.Larry said suddenly,“Look, promise like a good girl not to make us conspicuous and I'll take you to the Swank Room for dinner tonight.”“Is that where all the bright young men currently have to be seen once or twice a week?”she snapped back at him.“Get lost, Larry. Being a healthy, normal woman I'm interested in men, but not necessarily in walking status-symbols.”It was his turn to flush, and, he decided wryly, he probably didn't do it as prettily as she did.On his way to his office, he wondered why the Boss kept her on. Classically, a secretary-receptionist should have every pore in place, but in her time LaVerne Polk must have caused more than one bureaucratic eyebrow to raise. Efficiency was probably the answer; the Boss couldn't afford to let her go.[pg 009]Larry Woolford's office wasn't much more than a cubicle. He sat down at the desk and banged a drawer or two open and closed. He liked the work, liked the department, but theoretically he still had several days of vacation and hated to get back into routine.Had he known it, this was hardly going to be routine.He flicked the phone finally and asked for an outline. He dialed three numbers before getting his subject. The phone screen remained blank.“Hans?”he said.“Lawrence Woolford.”The Teutonic accent was heavy, the voice bluff.“Ah, Larry! you need some assistance to make your vacation? Perhaps a sinister, exotic young lady, complete with long cigarette holder?”Larry Woolford growled,“How'd you know I was on vacation?”The other laughed.“You know better than to ask that, my friend.”Larry said,“The vacation is over, Hans. I need some information.”The voice was more guarded now.“I owe you a favor or two.”“Don't you though? Look, Hans, what's new in the Russkie camp?”The heartiness was gone.“How do you mean?”“Is there anything big stirring? Is there anyone new in this country from the Soviet Complex?”“Well now—”the other's voice drifted away.Larry Woolford said impatiently,“Look, Hans, let's don't waste time fencing. You run a clearing agency for,ah, information. You're strictly a businessman, nonpartisan, so to speak. Fine, thus far our department has tolerated you. Perhaps we'll continue to. Perhaps the reason is that we figure we get more out of your existence than we lose. The Russkies evidently figure the same way, the proof being that you're alive and have branches in the capitals of every power on Earth.”“All right, all right,”the German said.“Let me think a moment. Can you give me an idea of what you're looking for?”There was an undernote of interest in the voice now.“No. I just want to know if you've heard anything new anti-my-side, from the other side. Or if you know of any fresh personnel recently from there.”“Frankly, I haven't. If you could give me a hint.”“I can't,”Larry said.“Look, Hans, like you say, you owe me a favor or two. If something comes up, let me know. Then I'll owe you one.”The voice was jovial again.“It's a bargain, my friend.”After Woolford had hung up, he scowled at the phone. He wondered if Hans Distelmayer was lying. The German commanded the largest professional spy ring in the world. It was possible, but difficult, for anything in espionage to develop without his having an inkling.The phone rang back. It was Steve Hackett of Secret Service on the screen.Hackett said,“Woolford, you coming[pg 010]over? I understand you've been assigned to get in our hair on this job.”“Huh,”Larry grunted.“The way I hear it, your whole department has given up, so I'm assigned to help you out of your usual fumble-fingered confusion.”Hackett snorted.“At any rate, can you drop over? I'm to work in liaison with you.”“Coming,”Larry said. He hung up, got to his feet and headed for the door. If they could crack this thing the first day, he'd take up that vacation where it'd been interrupted and possibly be able to wangle a few more days out of the Boss to boot.At this time of day, parking would have been a problem, in spite of automation of the streets. He left his car in the departmental lot and took a cab.The Counterfeit Division of the Secret Service occupied an impressive section of an impressive governmental building. Larry Woolford flashed his credentials here and there, explained to guards and receptionists here and there, and finally wound up in Steve Hackett's office which was all but a duplicate of his own in size and decor.Steve Hackett himself was a fairly accurate carbon copy of Woolford, barring facial resemblance alone. The fact was, Steve was almost Lincolnesque in his ugliness. Career man, about thirty, good university, crew cut, six foot, one hundred and seventy, earnest of eye. He wore Harris tweed. Larry Woolford made a note of that; possibly herringbone was coming back in. He winced at the thought of a major change in his wardrobe; it'd cost a fortune.They'd worked on a few cases together before when Steve Hackett had been assigned to the presidential bodyguard and co-operated well.Steve came to his feet and shook hands.“Thought that you were going to be down in Florida bass fishing this month. You like your work so well you can't stay away, or is it a matter of trying to impress your chief?”Larry growled,“Fine thing. Secret Service bogs down and they've got to call me in to clean up the mess.”Steve motioned him to a chair and immediately went serious.“Do you know anything about pushing queer, Woolford?”“That means passing counterfeit money, doesn't it? All I know is what's in the TriD crime shows.”“I can see you're going to be a lot of help. Have you got anywhere at all on the possibility that the stuff might be coming from abroad?”“Nothing positive,”Larry said.“Are you people accomplishing anything?”“We're just getting underway. There's something off-trail about this deal, Woolford. It doesn't fit into routine.”Larry Woolford said,“I wouldn't think so if the stuff is so good not even a bank clerk can tell the difference.”“That's not what I'm talking about now. Let me give you a run down on standard counterfeiting.”The Secret[pg 011]Service agent pushed back in his swivel chair, lit a cigarette, and propped his feet onto the edge of a partly open desk drawer.“Briefly, it goes like this. Some smart lad gets himself a set of plates and a platen press and—”Larry interrupted,“Where does he get the plates?”“That doesn't matter now,”Steve said.“Various ways. Maybe he makes them himself, sometimes he buys them from a crooked engraver. But I'm talking about pushing green goods once it's printed. Anyway, our friend runs off, say, a million dollars worth of fives. But he doesn't try to pass them himself. He wholesales them around netting, say, fifty thousand dollars. In other words, he sells twenty dollars in counterfeit for one good dollar.”Larry pursed his lips.“Quite a discount.”“Um-m-m. But that's safest from his angle. The half dozen or so distributors he sold it to don't try to pass it either. They also are playing it carefully. They peddle it, at say ten to one, to the next rung down the ladder.”“And these are the fellows that pass it, eh?”“Not even then, usually. These small timers take it and pass it on at five to one to the suckers in the trade, who take the biggest risks. Most of these are professional pushers of the queer, as the term goes. Some, however, are comparative amateurs. Sailors for instance, who buy with the idea of passing it in some foreign port where seamen's money flows fast.”Larry Woolford shifted in his chair.“So what are you building up to?”Steve Hackett rubbed the end of his pug nose with a forefinger in quick irritation.“Like I say, that's standard counterfeit procedure. We're all set up to meet it, and do a pretty good job. Where we have our difficulties is with amateurs.”Woolford scowled at him.Hackett said,“Some guy who makes and passes it himself, for instance. He's unknown to the stool pigeons, has no criminal record, does up comparatively small amounts and dribbles his product onto the market over a period of time. We had one old devil up in New York once who actuallydrewone dollar bills. He was a tremendous artist. It took us years to get him.”Larry Woolford said,“Well, why go into all this? We're hardly dealing with amateurs now.”Steve looked at him.“That's the trouble. We are.”“Are you batty? Not even your own experts can tell this product from real money.”“I didn't say it was beingmadeby amateurs. It's beingpushedby amateurs—or maybe amateur is the better word.”“How do you know?”“For one thing, most professionals won't touch anything bigger than a twenty. Tens are better, fives better still. When you pass a fifty, the person you give it to is apt to remember[pg 012]where he got it.”Steve Hackett said slowly,“Particularly if you give one as a tip to themaître d'hôtelin a first-class restaurant. Amaître d'holds his job on the strength of his ability to remember faces and names.”Illustration.“What else makes you think your pushers are amateurs?”“Amateur,”Hackett corrected.“Ideally, a pusher is an inconspicuous type. The kind of person whose face you'd never remember. It's never a teenage girl who's blowing money.”It was time to stare now, and Larry Woolford obliged.“A teenager!”“We've had four descriptions of her, one of them excellent. Fredrick, themaître d'over at La Calvados, is the one that counts, but the others jibe. She's bought perfume and gloves at Michel Swiss, the swankiest shop in town, a dress at Chez Marie—she passed three fifties there—and a hat at Paulette's over on Monroe Street.“That's another sign of the amateur, by the way. A competent pusher buys a small item and gets change from his counterfeit bill. Our girl's been buying expensive items, obviously more interested in the product than in her change.”“This doesn't seem to make much sense,”Larry Woolford protested.“You have any ideas at all?”“The question is,”Hackett said,“where did she get it? Is she connected with one of the embassies and acquired the stuff overseas? If so, that puts it in your lap again possibly—”The phone rang and Steve flicked the switch and grumbled,“Yeah? Steven Hackett speaking.”[pg 013]He listened for a moment then banged the phone off and jumped to his feet.“Come on, Larry,”he snapped.“This is it.”Larry stood, too.“Who was that?”“Fredrick, over at La Calvados. The girl has come in for lunch. Let's go!”La Calvados was the swankiest French restaurant in Greater Washington, a city not devoid of swank restaurants. Only the upper-echelons in governmental circles could afford its tariffs; the clientele was more apt to consist of business mucky-mucks and lobbyists on the make. Larry Woolford had eaten here exactly twice. You could get a reputation spending money far beyond your obvious pay status.Fredrick, themaître de hôtel, however, was able to greet them both by name.“Monsieur Hackett, Monsieur Woolford,”he bowed. He obviously didn't approve of La Calvados being used as a hangout where counterfeiters were picked up the authorities.“Where is she?”Steve said, looking out over the public dining room.Fredrick said, unprofessionally agitated,“See here, Monsieur Hackett, you didn't expect to, ah, arrest the young ladyhereduring our lunch hour?”Steve looked at him impatiently.“We don't exactly beat them over the head with blackjacks, slip the bracelets on and drag them screaming to the paddywagon.”“Of course not, monsieur, but—”Larry Woolford's chief dined here several times a week and was probably on the best of terms with Fredrick whose decisions on tables and whose degree of servility had a good deal of influence on a man's status in Greater Washington. Larry said wearily,“We can wait until she leaves. Where is she?”Fredrick had taken them to one side.“Do you see the young lady over near the window on the park? The rather gauche appearing type?”It was a teenager, all right. A youngster up to her eyebrows in the attempt to project sophistication.Steve said,“Do you know who she is?”“No,”Fredrick said.“Hardly our usual clientele.”“Oh?”Larry said.“She looks like money.”Fredrick said,“The dress appears as though it is of Chez Marie, but she wears it as though it came from Klein's. Her perfume is Chanel, but she has used approximately three times the quantity one would expect.”“That's our girl, all right,”Steve murmured.“Where can we keep an eye on her until she leaves?”“Why not at the bar here, Messieurs?”“Why not?”Larry said.“I could use a drink.”Fredrick cleared his throat.“Ah, Messieurs, that fifty I turned over you. I suppose it turned out to be spurious?”Steve grinned at him.“Afraid so, Fredrick. The department is holding it.”[pg 014]Larry took out his wallet.“However, we have a certain leeway on expenses on this assignment and appreciate your co-operation.”He handed two twenties and a ten to themaître d'. Fredrick bowed low, the money disappearing into his clothes magically.“Merci bien, monsieur.”At the bar, Steve scowled at his colleague.“Ha!”he said.“Why didn't I think of that first? He'll get down on his knees and bump his head each time he sees you in the joint from now on.”Larry Woolford waggled a finger at the other.“This is a status conscious town, my boy. Prestige means everything. When I take over my Boss' job, maybe we can swing a transfer and I'll give you a position suitable to your attainments.”He pursed his lips judiciously.“Although, come to think of it, that might mean a demotion from the job you're holding now.”“Vodka martini,”Steve told the bartender.“Polish vodka, of course.”“Of course, sir.”Larry said,“Same for me.”The bartender left and Steve muttered,“I hate vodka.”“Yeah,”Larry said,“But what're you going to do in a place like this, order some weird drink?”Steve dug into his pocket for money.“We're not going to have to drink them. Here she comes.”She walked with her head held high, hauteur in every step. Ignoring the peasants at the tables she passed.“Holy smokes,”Steve grunted.“It's a wonder Fredrick let her in.”She hesitated momentarily before the doorway of the prestige restaurant allowing the passers-by to realize she'd just emerged, and then turned to her right to promenade along the shopping street.Fifty feet below La Calvados, Steve said,“Let's go, Woolford.”One stepped to one elbow, the other to the other. Steve said quietly,“I wonder if we could ask you a few questions?”Her eyebrows went up,“Ibegyour pardon!”Steve sighed and displayed the badge pinned to his wallet, keeping it inconspicuous.“Secret Service, Miss,”he murmured.“Oh, devil,”she said. She looked up at Larry Woolford, and then back at Steve.Steve said,“Among other things, we're in charge of counterfeit money.”She was about five foot four in her heels, had obviously been on a round of beauty shops and had obviously instructed them to glamorize her. It hadn't come off. She still looked as though she'd be more at home as cheerleader of the junior class in small town high school. She was honey blond, green-blue of eye, and had that complexion they seldom carry even into the twenties.“I ... I don't know what you're talking about.”Her chin began to tremble.Larry said gently,“Don't worry. We just want to ask you some questions.”“Well ... like what?”She was[pg 015]going to be blinking back tears in a moment. At least Larry hoped she'd blink them back. He'd hate to have her start howling here in public.Larry said,“We think you can be of assistance to the government, and we'd like your help.”Steve rolled his eyes upward, but turned and waved for a street level cab.In the cab, Larry said,“Suppose we go over to my office, Steve?”“O.K. with me,”Steve muttered,“but by the looks of the young lady here, I think it's a false alarm from your angle. She's obviously an American. What's your name, Miss?”“It's Zusanette. Well, really, Susan.”“Susan what?”“I ... I'm not sure I want to tell you. I ... I want a lawyer.”“A lawyer!”Steve snorted.“You mean you want the juvenile authorities, don't you?”“Oh, what a mean thing to say,”she sputtered.In the corridor outside the Boss' suite of offices, Larry said to Steve,“You take Miss ... ah, Zusanette to my office, will you Steve. I'll be there in a minute.”He opened the door to the anteroom and said,“LaVerne, we've got a girl in my office—”“Why, Larry!”He glowered at her.“A suspect. I want a complete tape of everything said. As soon as we're through, have copies made, at least three or four.”“And, who, Mr. Woolford, was your girl Friday last year?”“This is important, honey. I suppose you've supplied me with a secretary but I haven't even met her yet. Take care of it, will you?”“Sure enough, Larry.”He followed Steve and the girl to his office.Once seated, the girl and Steve in the only two extra chairs the cubicle boasted and Larry behind his desk, he looked at her in what he hoped was reassurance.“Just tell us where you got the money, Zusanette.”Steve reached out a hand suddenly and took her bag from her lap. She gasped and snatched at it, but he eluded her and she sat back, her chin trembling again.Steve came up with a thick sheaf of bills, the top ones, at least, all fifties and tossed them to Larry's desk. He took out a school pass and read,“Susan Self, Elwood Avenue.”He looked up at Larry and said,“That's right off Eastern, near Paterson Park in the Baltimore section of town, isn't it?”Larry said to her,“Zusanette, I think you'd better tell us where you got all this money.”“I found it,”she said defiantly.“You can't do anything to me if I simply found it. Anybody can find money. Finders keepers—”“But if it's counterfeit,”Steve interrupted dryly,“it might also be, finders weepers.”“Where did you find it, Zusanette?”Larry said gently.She tightened her lips, and the trembling of her chin disappeared.“I ... I can't tell you that. But it's[pg 016]not counterfeit. Daddy ... my father said it was as good as any money the government prints.”“That it is,”Steve said sourly.“But it's still counterfeit, which makes it very illegal indeed to spend, Miss Self.”She looked from one of them to the other, not clear about her position. She said to Larry,“You mean it's notrealmoney?”He kept his tone disarming, but shook his head,“I'm afraid not, Zusanette. Now, tell us, where did you find it?”“I can't. I promised”“I see. Then you don't know to whom it originally belonged?”“It didn't belong to anybody.”Steve Hackett made with a disbelieving whistle. He was taking the part of the tough, suspicious cop; Larry the part of the understanding, sympathetic officer, trying to give the suspect a break.Susan Self turned quickly on Steve.“Well, it didn't. You don't even know.”Larry said,“I think she's telling the truth, Steve. Give her a chance. She's playing fair.”He looked back at the girl, and frowned his puzzlement.“All money belongs tosomebodydoesn't it?”She had them now. She said superiorly.“Not necessarily to somebody. It can belong to, like, an organization.”Steve grunted skepticism.“I think we ought to arrest her,”he said.Larry held up a hand, his face registering opposition.“I'll handle this,”he said sharply.“Zusanette is doing everything she can to co-operate.”He turned back to the girl.“Now, the question is, what organization did this money belong to?”She looked triumphantly at Steve Hackett.“It belonged to the Movement.”They both looked at her.Steve said finally,“What movement?”She pouted in thought.“That's the only name they call it.”“Who's they?”Steve snapped nastily.“I ... I don't know.”Larry said,“Well, you already told us your father was a member, Zusanette.”Her eyes went wide.“I did? I shouldn't have said that.”But she evidently took him at his word.Larry said encouragingly,“Well, we might as well go on. Who else is a member of this Movement besides your father?”She shifted in her chair uncomfortably.“I don't know any of their names.”Steve looked down at the school pass in his hands. He said to Larry,“I'd better make a phone call.”He left.
[Transcriber's Note: This text was produced from Analog Science Fact & Fiction August 1961. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
In his income bracket and in the suburb in which he lived, government employees in the twenty-five to thirty-five age group were currently wearing tweeds. Tweeds were in. Not to wear tweeds was Non-U.
Lawrence Woolford wore tweeds. His suit, this morning, had first seen the light of day on a hand loom in Donegal. It had been cut by a Swede widely patronized by serious young career men in Lawrence Woolford's status group; English tailors were out currently and Italians unheard of.
Woolford sauntered down the walk before his auto-bungalow, scowling at the sportscar at the curb—wrong year, wrong make. He'd have to trade it in on a new model. Which was a shame in a way, he liked the car. However, he had no desire to get a reputation as a weird among colleagues and friends. What was it Senator Carey MacArthur had said the other day? Show me a weird and I'll show you a person who has taken the first step toward being a Commie.
Woolford slid under the wheel, dropped the lift lever, depressed gently the thrust pedal and took off for downtown Greater Washington. Theoretically, he had another four days of vacation coming to him. He wondered[pg 006]what the Boss wanted. That was the trouble in being one of the Boss' favorite trouble shooters, when trouble arose you wound up in the middle of it. Lawrence Woolford was to the point where he was thinking in terms of graduating out of field work and taking on a desk job which meant promotion in status and pay.
He turned over his car to a parker at the departmental parking lot and made his way through the entrance utilized by second-grade departmental officials. In another year, he told himself, he'd be using that other door.
The Boss' reception secretary looked up when Lawrence Woolford entered the anteroom where she presided.“Hello, Larry,”she said.“Hear they called your vacation short. Darn shame.”
LaVerne Polk was a cute little whizz of efficiency. Like Napoleon and his army, she knew the name of every member of the department and was on a first-name basis with all. However, she was definitely a weird. For instance, styles might come and styles might go, but LaVerne dressed for comfort, did her hair the way she thought it looked best, and wore low-heeled walking shoes on the job. In fact, she was ready and willing to snarl at anyone, no matter how kindly intentioned, who even hinted that her nonconformity didn't help her promotion prospects.
Woolford said,“Hi, LaVerne. I think the Boss is expecting me.”
“That he is. Go right in, Larry.”
She looked after him when he turned and left her desk. Lawrence Woolford cut a pleasant figure as thirty year old bachelors go.
The Boss looked up from some report on his desk which he'd been frowning at, nodded to his field man and said,“Sit down, Lawrence. I'll be with you in a minute. Please take a look at this while you're waiting.”He handed over a banknote.
Larry Woolford took it and found himself a comfortable chair. He examined the bill, front and back. It was a fifty dollar note, almost new.
Finally the Boss, a stocky but impeccable career bureaucrat of the ultra-latest school, scribbled his initials on the report and tossed it into an Out chute. He said to Woolford,“I am sorry to cut short your vacation, Lawrence. I considered giving Walter Foster the assignment, but I think you're the better choice.”
Larry decided the faint praise routine was the best tactic, said earnestly about his closest rival.“Walt's a good man, sir.”And then,“What's the crisis?”
“What do you think of that fifty?”
His trouble shooter looked down at it.“What is there to think about it?”
The Boss grunted, slid open a desk drawer and brought forth another bill.“Here, look at this, please.”
It was another fifty. Larry Woolford frowned at it, not getting whatever was going on.
“Observe the serial numbers,”the Boss said impatiently.
They were identical.
Woolford looked up.“Counterfeit. Which one is the bad one?”
“That is exactly what we would like to know,”the Boss said.
Larry Woolford stared at his superior, blinked and then examined the bills again.“A beautiful job,”he said,“but what's it got to do with us, sir? This is Secret Service jurisdiction, counterfeiting.”
“They called us in on it. They think it might have international ramifications.”
Now they were getting somewhere. Larry Woolford put the two bills on the Boss' desk and leaned back in his chair, waiting.
His superior said,“Remember the Nazis turning out American and British banknotes during the Second War?”
“I was just a kid.”
“I thought you might have read about it. At any rate, obviously a government—with all its resources—could counterfeit perfectly any currency in the world. It would have the skills, the equipment, the funds to accomplish the task. The Germans turned out hundreds of millions of dollars and pounds with the idea of confounding the Allied financial basics.”
“And why didn't it work?”
“The difficulty of getting it into circulation, for one thing. However, they did actually use a quantity. For a time our people were so alarmed that they wouldn't allow any bills to come into this country from Mexico except two-dollar denomination—the one denomination the Germans hadn't bothered to duplicate. Oh, they had the Secret Service in a dither for a time.”
Woolford was frowning.“What's this got to do with our current situation?”
The Boss said,“It is only a conjecture. One of those bills is counterfeit but such an excellent reproduction that the skill involved is beyond the resources of any known counterfeiter. Secret Service wants to know if it might be coming from abroad, and, if so, from where. If it's a governmental project, particularly a Soviet Complex one, then it comes into the ken of our particular cloak-and-dagger department.”
“Yes, sir.”Woolford said. He got up and examined the two bills again.“How'd they ever detect that one was bad?”
“Pure fortune. A bank clerk with an all but eidetic memory was going through a batch of fifties. It's not too commonly used a denomination, you know. Coincidence was involved since in that same sheaf the serial number was duplicated.”
“And then?”
“The reproduction was so perfect that Secret Service was in an immediate uproar. Short of the Nazi effort, there has never been anything like it. A perfect duplication of engraving and paper identically the same. The counterfeiters have even evidently gone to the extent of putting a certain amount of artificial wear on the bills before putting them into circulation.”
Larry Woolford said,“This is out of my line. How were they able to check further, and how many more did they turn up?”
“The new I.B.M. sorters help. Secret Service checked every fifty dollar bill in every institution in town both banking and governmental. Thus far, they have located ten bills in all.”
“And other cities?”
“None. They've all been passed in Greater Washington, which is suspicious in itself. The amount of expense that has gone into the manufacture of these bills does not allow for only a handful of them being passed. They should be turning up in number. Lawrence, this reproduction is such that a pusher could walk into a bank and have his false currency changed by any clerk.”
“Wow,”Larry whistled.
“Indeed.”
“So you want me to work with Secret Service on this on the off chance that the Soviet Complex is doing us deliberate dirt.”
“That is exactly the idea, Lawrence. Get to work, please, and keep in touch with me. If you need support, I can assign Walter Foster or some of the other operatives to assist you. This might have endless ramifications.”
Back in the anteroom, Woolford said to the Boss' receptionist,“I'm on a local job, LaVerne, how about assigning me a girl?”
“Can do,”she said.
“And, look, tell her to get hold of every available work on counterfeiting and pile it on my desk.”
“Right. Thinking of going into business, Larry?”
He grinned down at her.“That's the idea. Keeping up with the Jones clan in this man's town costs roughly twice my income.”
LaVerne said disapprovingly,“Then why not give it up? With the classification you've got a single man ought to be able to save half his pay.”She added, more quietly,“Or get married and support a family.”
“Save half my pay?”Larry snorted.“And get a far out reputation, eh? No thanks, you can't afford to be a weird these days.”
She flushed—and damn prettily, Larry Woolford decided. She could be an attractive item if it wasn't for obviously getting her kicks out of being individualistic.
Larry said suddenly,“Look, promise like a good girl not to make us conspicuous and I'll take you to the Swank Room for dinner tonight.”
“Is that where all the bright young men currently have to be seen once or twice a week?”she snapped back at him.“Get lost, Larry. Being a healthy, normal woman I'm interested in men, but not necessarily in walking status-symbols.”
It was his turn to flush, and, he decided wryly, he probably didn't do it as prettily as she did.
On his way to his office, he wondered why the Boss kept her on. Classically, a secretary-receptionist should have every pore in place, but in her time LaVerne Polk must have caused more than one bureaucratic eyebrow to raise. Efficiency was probably the answer; the Boss couldn't afford to let her go.
Larry Woolford's office wasn't much more than a cubicle. He sat down at the desk and banged a drawer or two open and closed. He liked the work, liked the department, but theoretically he still had several days of vacation and hated to get back into routine.
Had he known it, this was hardly going to be routine.
He flicked the phone finally and asked for an outline. He dialed three numbers before getting his subject. The phone screen remained blank.
“Hans?”he said.“Lawrence Woolford.”
The Teutonic accent was heavy, the voice bluff.“Ah, Larry! you need some assistance to make your vacation? Perhaps a sinister, exotic young lady, complete with long cigarette holder?”
Larry Woolford growled,“How'd you know I was on vacation?”
The other laughed.“You know better than to ask that, my friend.”
Larry said,“The vacation is over, Hans. I need some information.”
The voice was more guarded now.“I owe you a favor or two.”
“Don't you though? Look, Hans, what's new in the Russkie camp?”
The heartiness was gone.“How do you mean?”
“Is there anything big stirring? Is there anyone new in this country from the Soviet Complex?”
“Well now—”the other's voice drifted away.
Larry Woolford said impatiently,“Look, Hans, let's don't waste time fencing. You run a clearing agency for,ah, information. You're strictly a businessman, nonpartisan, so to speak. Fine, thus far our department has tolerated you. Perhaps we'll continue to. Perhaps the reason is that we figure we get more out of your existence than we lose. The Russkies evidently figure the same way, the proof being that you're alive and have branches in the capitals of every power on Earth.”
“All right, all right,”the German said.“Let me think a moment. Can you give me an idea of what you're looking for?”There was an undernote of interest in the voice now.
“No. I just want to know if you've heard anything new anti-my-side, from the other side. Or if you know of any fresh personnel recently from there.”
“Frankly, I haven't. If you could give me a hint.”
“I can't,”Larry said.“Look, Hans, like you say, you owe me a favor or two. If something comes up, let me know. Then I'll owe you one.”
The voice was jovial again.“It's a bargain, my friend.”
After Woolford had hung up, he scowled at the phone. He wondered if Hans Distelmayer was lying. The German commanded the largest professional spy ring in the world. It was possible, but difficult, for anything in espionage to develop without his having an inkling.
The phone rang back. It was Steve Hackett of Secret Service on the screen.
Hackett said,“Woolford, you coming[pg 010]over? I understand you've been assigned to get in our hair on this job.”
“Huh,”Larry grunted.“The way I hear it, your whole department has given up, so I'm assigned to help you out of your usual fumble-fingered confusion.”
Hackett snorted.“At any rate, can you drop over? I'm to work in liaison with you.”
“Coming,”Larry said. He hung up, got to his feet and headed for the door. If they could crack this thing the first day, he'd take up that vacation where it'd been interrupted and possibly be able to wangle a few more days out of the Boss to boot.
At this time of day, parking would have been a problem, in spite of automation of the streets. He left his car in the departmental lot and took a cab.
The Counterfeit Division of the Secret Service occupied an impressive section of an impressive governmental building. Larry Woolford flashed his credentials here and there, explained to guards and receptionists here and there, and finally wound up in Steve Hackett's office which was all but a duplicate of his own in size and decor.
Steve Hackett himself was a fairly accurate carbon copy of Woolford, barring facial resemblance alone. The fact was, Steve was almost Lincolnesque in his ugliness. Career man, about thirty, good university, crew cut, six foot, one hundred and seventy, earnest of eye. He wore Harris tweed. Larry Woolford made a note of that; possibly herringbone was coming back in. He winced at the thought of a major change in his wardrobe; it'd cost a fortune.
They'd worked on a few cases together before when Steve Hackett had been assigned to the presidential bodyguard and co-operated well.
Steve came to his feet and shook hands.“Thought that you were going to be down in Florida bass fishing this month. You like your work so well you can't stay away, or is it a matter of trying to impress your chief?”
Larry growled,“Fine thing. Secret Service bogs down and they've got to call me in to clean up the mess.”
Steve motioned him to a chair and immediately went serious.“Do you know anything about pushing queer, Woolford?”
“That means passing counterfeit money, doesn't it? All I know is what's in the TriD crime shows.”
“I can see you're going to be a lot of help. Have you got anywhere at all on the possibility that the stuff might be coming from abroad?”
“Nothing positive,”Larry said.“Are you people accomplishing anything?”
“We're just getting underway. There's something off-trail about this deal, Woolford. It doesn't fit into routine.”
Larry Woolford said,“I wouldn't think so if the stuff is so good not even a bank clerk can tell the difference.”
“That's not what I'm talking about now. Let me give you a run down on standard counterfeiting.”The Secret[pg 011]Service agent pushed back in his swivel chair, lit a cigarette, and propped his feet onto the edge of a partly open desk drawer.“Briefly, it goes like this. Some smart lad gets himself a set of plates and a platen press and—”
Larry interrupted,“Where does he get the plates?”
“That doesn't matter now,”Steve said.“Various ways. Maybe he makes them himself, sometimes he buys them from a crooked engraver. But I'm talking about pushing green goods once it's printed. Anyway, our friend runs off, say, a million dollars worth of fives. But he doesn't try to pass them himself. He wholesales them around netting, say, fifty thousand dollars. In other words, he sells twenty dollars in counterfeit for one good dollar.”
Larry pursed his lips.“Quite a discount.”
“Um-m-m. But that's safest from his angle. The half dozen or so distributors he sold it to don't try to pass it either. They also are playing it carefully. They peddle it, at say ten to one, to the next rung down the ladder.”
“And these are the fellows that pass it, eh?”
“Not even then, usually. These small timers take it and pass it on at five to one to the suckers in the trade, who take the biggest risks. Most of these are professional pushers of the queer, as the term goes. Some, however, are comparative amateurs. Sailors for instance, who buy with the idea of passing it in some foreign port where seamen's money flows fast.”
Larry Woolford shifted in his chair.“So what are you building up to?”
Steve Hackett rubbed the end of his pug nose with a forefinger in quick irritation.“Like I say, that's standard counterfeit procedure. We're all set up to meet it, and do a pretty good job. Where we have our difficulties is with amateurs.”
Woolford scowled at him.
Hackett said,“Some guy who makes and passes it himself, for instance. He's unknown to the stool pigeons, has no criminal record, does up comparatively small amounts and dribbles his product onto the market over a period of time. We had one old devil up in New York once who actuallydrewone dollar bills. He was a tremendous artist. It took us years to get him.”
Larry Woolford said,“Well, why go into all this? We're hardly dealing with amateurs now.”
Steve looked at him.“That's the trouble. We are.”
“Are you batty? Not even your own experts can tell this product from real money.”
“I didn't say it was beingmadeby amateurs. It's beingpushedby amateurs—or maybe amateur is the better word.”
“How do you know?”
“For one thing, most professionals won't touch anything bigger than a twenty. Tens are better, fives better still. When you pass a fifty, the person you give it to is apt to remember[pg 012]where he got it.”Steve Hackett said slowly,“Particularly if you give one as a tip to themaître d'hôtelin a first-class restaurant. Amaître d'holds his job on the strength of his ability to remember faces and names.”
Illustration.
“What else makes you think your pushers are amateurs?”
“Amateur,”Hackett corrected.“Ideally, a pusher is an inconspicuous type. The kind of person whose face you'd never remember. It's never a teenage girl who's blowing money.”
It was time to stare now, and Larry Woolford obliged.“A teenager!”
“We've had four descriptions of her, one of them excellent. Fredrick, themaître d'over at La Calvados, is the one that counts, but the others jibe. She's bought perfume and gloves at Michel Swiss, the swankiest shop in town, a dress at Chez Marie—she passed three fifties there—and a hat at Paulette's over on Monroe Street.
“That's another sign of the amateur, by the way. A competent pusher buys a small item and gets change from his counterfeit bill. Our girl's been buying expensive items, obviously more interested in the product than in her change.”
“This doesn't seem to make much sense,”Larry Woolford protested.“You have any ideas at all?”
“The question is,”Hackett said,“where did she get it? Is she connected with one of the embassies and acquired the stuff overseas? If so, that puts it in your lap again possibly—”
The phone rang and Steve flicked the switch and grumbled,“Yeah? Steven Hackett speaking.”
He listened for a moment then banged the phone off and jumped to his feet.“Come on, Larry,”he snapped.“This is it.”
Larry stood, too.“Who was that?”
“Fredrick, over at La Calvados. The girl has come in for lunch. Let's go!”
La Calvados was the swankiest French restaurant in Greater Washington, a city not devoid of swank restaurants. Only the upper-echelons in governmental circles could afford its tariffs; the clientele was more apt to consist of business mucky-mucks and lobbyists on the make. Larry Woolford had eaten here exactly twice. You could get a reputation spending money far beyond your obvious pay status.
Fredrick, themaître de hôtel, however, was able to greet them both by name.“Monsieur Hackett, Monsieur Woolford,”he bowed. He obviously didn't approve of La Calvados being used as a hangout where counterfeiters were picked up the authorities.
“Where is she?”Steve said, looking out over the public dining room.
Fredrick said, unprofessionally agitated,“See here, Monsieur Hackett, you didn't expect to, ah, arrest the young ladyhereduring our lunch hour?”
Steve looked at him impatiently.“We don't exactly beat them over the head with blackjacks, slip the bracelets on and drag them screaming to the paddywagon.”
“Of course not, monsieur, but—”
Larry Woolford's chief dined here several times a week and was probably on the best of terms with Fredrick whose decisions on tables and whose degree of servility had a good deal of influence on a man's status in Greater Washington. Larry said wearily,“We can wait until she leaves. Where is she?”
Fredrick had taken them to one side.
“Do you see the young lady over near the window on the park? The rather gauche appearing type?”
It was a teenager, all right. A youngster up to her eyebrows in the attempt to project sophistication.
Steve said,“Do you know who she is?”
“No,”Fredrick said.“Hardly our usual clientele.”
“Oh?”Larry said.“She looks like money.”
Fredrick said,“The dress appears as though it is of Chez Marie, but she wears it as though it came from Klein's. Her perfume is Chanel, but she has used approximately three times the quantity one would expect.”
“That's our girl, all right,”Steve murmured.“Where can we keep an eye on her until she leaves?”
“Why not at the bar here, Messieurs?”
“Why not?”Larry said.“I could use a drink.”
Fredrick cleared his throat.“Ah, Messieurs, that fifty I turned over you. I suppose it turned out to be spurious?”
Steve grinned at him.“Afraid so, Fredrick. The department is holding it.”
Larry took out his wallet.“However, we have a certain leeway on expenses on this assignment and appreciate your co-operation.”He handed two twenties and a ten to themaître d'. Fredrick bowed low, the money disappearing into his clothes magically.“Merci bien, monsieur.”
At the bar, Steve scowled at his colleague.“Ha!”he said.“Why didn't I think of that first? He'll get down on his knees and bump his head each time he sees you in the joint from now on.”
Larry Woolford waggled a finger at the other.“This is a status conscious town, my boy. Prestige means everything. When I take over my Boss' job, maybe we can swing a transfer and I'll give you a position suitable to your attainments.”He pursed his lips judiciously.“Although, come to think of it, that might mean a demotion from the job you're holding now.”
“Vodka martini,”Steve told the bartender.“Polish vodka, of course.”
“Of course, sir.”
Larry said,“Same for me.”
The bartender left and Steve muttered,“I hate vodka.”
“Yeah,”Larry said,“But what're you going to do in a place like this, order some weird drink?”
Steve dug into his pocket for money.“We're not going to have to drink them. Here she comes.”
She walked with her head held high, hauteur in every step. Ignoring the peasants at the tables she passed.
“Holy smokes,”Steve grunted.“It's a wonder Fredrick let her in.”
She hesitated momentarily before the doorway of the prestige restaurant allowing the passers-by to realize she'd just emerged, and then turned to her right to promenade along the shopping street.
Fifty feet below La Calvados, Steve said,“Let's go, Woolford.”
One stepped to one elbow, the other to the other. Steve said quietly,“I wonder if we could ask you a few questions?”
Her eyebrows went up,“Ibegyour pardon!”
Steve sighed and displayed the badge pinned to his wallet, keeping it inconspicuous.“Secret Service, Miss,”he murmured.
“Oh, devil,”she said. She looked up at Larry Woolford, and then back at Steve.
Steve said,“Among other things, we're in charge of counterfeit money.”
She was about five foot four in her heels, had obviously been on a round of beauty shops and had obviously instructed them to glamorize her. It hadn't come off. She still looked as though she'd be more at home as cheerleader of the junior class in small town high school. She was honey blond, green-blue of eye, and had that complexion they seldom carry even into the twenties.
“I ... I don't know what you're talking about.”Her chin began to tremble.
Larry said gently,“Don't worry. We just want to ask you some questions.”
“Well ... like what?”She was[pg 015]going to be blinking back tears in a moment. At least Larry hoped she'd blink them back. He'd hate to have her start howling here in public.
Larry said,“We think you can be of assistance to the government, and we'd like your help.”
Steve rolled his eyes upward, but turned and waved for a street level cab.
In the cab, Larry said,“Suppose we go over to my office, Steve?”
“O.K. with me,”Steve muttered,“but by the looks of the young lady here, I think it's a false alarm from your angle. She's obviously an American. What's your name, Miss?”
“It's Zusanette. Well, really, Susan.”
“Susan what?”
“I ... I'm not sure I want to tell you. I ... I want a lawyer.”
“A lawyer!”Steve snorted.“You mean you want the juvenile authorities, don't you?”
“Oh, what a mean thing to say,”she sputtered.
In the corridor outside the Boss' suite of offices, Larry said to Steve,“You take Miss ... ah, Zusanette to my office, will you Steve. I'll be there in a minute.”
He opened the door to the anteroom and said,“LaVerne, we've got a girl in my office—”
“Why, Larry!”
He glowered at her.“A suspect. I want a complete tape of everything said. As soon as we're through, have copies made, at least three or four.”
“And, who, Mr. Woolford, was your girl Friday last year?”
“This is important, honey. I suppose you've supplied me with a secretary but I haven't even met her yet. Take care of it, will you?”
“Sure enough, Larry.”
He followed Steve and the girl to his office.
Once seated, the girl and Steve in the only two extra chairs the cubicle boasted and Larry behind his desk, he looked at her in what he hoped was reassurance.“Just tell us where you got the money, Zusanette.”
Steve reached out a hand suddenly and took her bag from her lap. She gasped and snatched at it, but he eluded her and she sat back, her chin trembling again.
Steve came up with a thick sheaf of bills, the top ones, at least, all fifties and tossed them to Larry's desk. He took out a school pass and read,“Susan Self, Elwood Avenue.”He looked up at Larry and said,“That's right off Eastern, near Paterson Park in the Baltimore section of town, isn't it?”
Larry said to her,“Zusanette, I think you'd better tell us where you got all this money.”
“I found it,”she said defiantly.“You can't do anything to me if I simply found it. Anybody can find money. Finders keepers—”
“But if it's counterfeit,”Steve interrupted dryly,“it might also be, finders weepers.”
“Where did you find it, Zusanette?”Larry said gently.
She tightened her lips, and the trembling of her chin disappeared.“I ... I can't tell you that. But it's[pg 016]not counterfeit. Daddy ... my father said it was as good as any money the government prints.”
“That it is,”Steve said sourly.“But it's still counterfeit, which makes it very illegal indeed to spend, Miss Self.”
She looked from one of them to the other, not clear about her position. She said to Larry,“You mean it's notrealmoney?”
He kept his tone disarming, but shook his head,“I'm afraid not, Zusanette. Now, tell us, where did you find it?”
“I can't. I promised”
“I see. Then you don't know to whom it originally belonged?”
“It didn't belong to anybody.”
Steve Hackett made with a disbelieving whistle. He was taking the part of the tough, suspicious cop; Larry the part of the understanding, sympathetic officer, trying to give the suspect a break.
Susan Self turned quickly on Steve.“Well, it didn't. You don't even know.”
Larry said,“I think she's telling the truth, Steve. Give her a chance. She's playing fair.”He looked back at the girl, and frowned his puzzlement.“All money belongs tosomebodydoesn't it?”
She had them now. She said superiorly.“Not necessarily to somebody. It can belong to, like, an organization.”
Steve grunted skepticism.“I think we ought to arrest her,”he said.
Larry held up a hand, his face registering opposition.“I'll handle this,”he said sharply.“Zusanette is doing everything she can to co-operate.”He turned back to the girl.“Now, the question is, what organization did this money belong to?”
She looked triumphantly at Steve Hackett.“It belonged to the Movement.”
They both looked at her.
Steve said finally,“What movement?”
She pouted in thought.“That's the only name they call it.”
“Who's they?”Steve snapped nastily.
“I ... I don't know.”
Larry said,“Well, you already told us your father was a member, Zusanette.”
Her eyes went wide.“I did? I shouldn't have said that.”But she evidently took him at his word.
Larry said encouragingly,“Well, we might as well go on. Who else is a member of this Movement besides your father?”
She shifted in her chair uncomfortably.“I don't know any of their names.”
Steve looked down at the school pass in his hands. He said to Larry,“I'd better make a phone call.”
He left.