Hidden between UCSD and the Pacific Ocean were burial grounds, Rama said, that were sacred to Native Americans. Surfers on their way to Black's Beach passed through this land of cliffs and ravines. They pointed to a graceful, white mansion and said, "Heyyy, duuuude, that's Atkinson's place, duuuuuuuuude." Several properties south of the UCSD Chancellor's mansion lay a burned-out car abandoned on a charred foundation. The address seemed to be 951, but in my mind the missing tile was in place: 9514 La Jolla Farms Road, where Rama became "enlightened" and where I moved into darkness.
It was 1988. I parked my Volkswagon Bus at a mall one-and-a-half miles east of campus and walked with Nunatak toward the sea. I had cut through the not-yet-bulldozed chaparral just east of Interstate-5 many times since returning to UCSD—a twenty-seven year old undergraduate—but now the sun was setting and the air seemed heavy. Suddenly, I had a sense of where I was going. During the past two years I had dealt with my Rama experiences intellectually. But you can only sit cooly, unmoved and protected on the cap-of-things-that-were for so long before the cap blows and sends you tumbling. There are many ways to grapple with the enormity of what lies beneath the surface world of reason. I approached 9514 La Jolla Farms Road.
The last time I got near the place had been the year before, with a friend. "I lived there once with some radical people," I had told her. "One of them became... enlightened."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"That's where Atkinson lives," I said, pointing away.
Now, as the sun sank in the Pacific, I stood with Nuna on the edge of the property. I took a few steps forward but quickly stopped cold. I could almost hear Rama saying in his Kermit-the-Frog voice, "Make millions of people happy." I stepped to where my room used to be when suddenly, superimposed over blackened concrete slabs, images appeared. Rama was in the kitchen cooking for a hundred spiritual seekers. Rama was in the meditation room giving a talk beside a larger-than-life photo of an Indian guru. Rama was at the same spot giving a talk beside himself. Rama was in the garage surveying stacks of WOOF! Rama was offering me cookies to cheer me up because I doubted his enlightenment—my *friend's* enlightenment. Rama was hopping around the house like a kangaroo, and I was right beside him, and we were laughing like children, and at that moment, in the fading light, the cap blew and tears streamed down my face.
* * *
Over the next few years, I grappled with conflicting images of Rama. Sometimes I saw him as a friend. Other times I saw him as a semi-enlightened seeker or as a powerful sorcerer. But the more I researched his past, the more I discovered he was human.
He was born Frederick P. Lenz III on February ninth, 1950, in Mercy Hospital, San Diego. He was raised Catholic in Connecticut where he lived, alternately, with his grandparents, aunt and uncle, and father. His parents divorced when he was a child. His father remarried, joined a yacht club, and, in 1974, was elected mayor of Stamford.
In 1967 Fred graduated from Rippowam High School. The following description of him appears in the yearbook: "A streak of the unusual—chasing the beautiful, hiding from the known. Cut-rate philosopher—monopoly on the side... "
At seventeen, Fred left the east coast and experienced the mushrooming of the psychedelic movement while living in San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury district. It was during the subsequent year, which he spent in prison for selling drugs, that he was handed a promotional brochure for Indian guru Chinmoy Kumar Ghose. Chinmoy, whose path was paved with "peace, light, and bliss," had several hundred followers worldwide, including rock musicians John "Mahavishnu" McLaughlin and Carlos "Devadip" Santana.
Fascinated by Eastern philosophy and meditation techniques popularized in the late '60s, Fred returned to the east coast where he studied the art of quieting the mind with Chinmoy. He also studied English at the University of Connecticut at Storrs. While still an undergraduate, he married and divorced a Chinmoy disciple named Pam, built dulcimers in a wood shop in his basement, joined the university debating team, and began hosting free public lectures on meditation.
Chinmoy, who often asked disciples to start "divine enterprises," asked this well-spoken, Phi Beta Kappa graduate to start a laundromat. When Fred chose instead to enroll in a Ph.D. program in English at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, Chinmoy kicked him out of the Centre for roughly one year in an apparent attempt to teach him obedience and humility.
By the time I met Fred several years later, Chinmoy had dubbed him "Atmananda" or "Bliss-of-the-Soul," whereas the State University of New York at Stony Brook, after accepting his dissertation ("The Evolution of Matter and Spirit In The Poetry Of Theodore Roethke"), had bestowed upon him the title "Frederick Lenz, Ph.D."
* * *
Fundamental to my research on Rama were my discussions with former disciples, some of whom I tracked down, and some of whom I happened to meet at movie theatres, airports, and gatherings of Amnesty International. Talking and writing about my experiences helped me to work out much of the emotional pain. Listening to what others had gone through also helped a great deal. But as I listened, I realized that my darkest fear had come true. Rama had been getting progressively worse.
In the fall of 1985, weeks after I left the Centre, Rama disbanded Lakshmi and encouraged roughly one hundred followers to move from Boston to Los Angeles. He directed these disciples to donate their time to his software company, Vishnu Systems.
In 1986, Rama moved from Boston to Seattle with about eight men and three inner circle women: Laura, Cindy, and Anne. Once they arrived in Seattle, Rama informed the three women that he had asked them along specifically to satisfy his sexual appetite. He told them that they were to be his "Geisha's." By then, he explained, he needed to sleep with two or three women at a time; an individual, he maintained, had too little "energy" to stimulate him.
He confessed to Anne that for most of his life something had been hurting him, keeping him down. He told her that during a recent trip to a family event, he saw that his aunt and uncle had been using their psychic powers all along to make him deathly ill and to try to kill him. He told her that I had been sending him a great deal of Negative Psychic Energy and that, in response, he had been sending me Entities so my life would be "miserable on a daily basis."
Also in Seattle, Rama repeatedly administered LSD to the three women. During their hallucinogenic trips he kept them up all night, shouted at them, told them that they were possessed, and tried to get them to confess that they had incarnated on earth to destroy his mission. Then he threatened their lives.
During one such episode described by Anne as "nightmare weekend," Rama fed them acid—five or so hits each—and showed them his new puppy.
"This dog is possessed," he claimed, citing its frequent need to urinate, and its habit of whining when confined alone in the basement. Rama then fed the dog seven hits of LSD. "Look—it's still standing!" he said in an effort to substantiate his claim. Rama placed his hands around the puppy's neck and began to squeeze. Earlier he had claimed that the Evil Forces were trying to get to him through his pets. All of his pets, he complained, became demonically possessed. Now he continued to choke the puppy to the brink of death. Then he scowled at the three women and boasted that he had just used his *willpower* to stop himself from eliminating this "enemy." Through the sleepless night and following morning, Rama repeatedly told the women that the puppy's situation was remarkably similar to their own. He reminded them that they had better confess.
"Barbara confessed!" Rama finally snapped. "Barbara has come clean! If you want to study with me in this or in any future lifetime, you had better come clean!"
After Rama left the room, memories screamed across horror-fried synapses of Anne's acid-drenched brain: the puppy... he's strangling the puppy... can't breath... it's possessed—EVIL... like us... —EVIL... like us... five hits of acid... the room... the furniture... me... focus... the Forces... the puppy... he's strangling the... "Anne, I will send you to hell for thousands of lifetimes!"... can't breath... "What you will experience will make AIDS look like fun!"... he, he threatened to kill me... "Cindy, I have a special place for you in hell!"... —EVIL... like me... "Consider your future lives!"... the puppy... "Barbara confessed!"... like me... "Come clean!"... —EVIL... "Confess!"...
When Rama returned to the room, the three young women confessed.
Weeks later, when the women asked Rama about the health of the puppy, he replied that it had passed on to another world.
"Do you know how I did it?" he whispered. "With my *will*."
Months later, Rama announced to hundreds of followers: "No, friends, I am not paranoid. In fact, three students recently confessed to me that they had incarnated on earth to destroy my mission."
Also in 1986, Rama wrote to followers: "A very close friend of mine, Jack Kukulan, died several weeks ago. I know Jack was a friend to many of you. We will miss him. Jack was the best part of all of us. His tremendous help and economic support of the spread of meditation has benefited many. Jack died a warrior's death."
A squat man with dark, curly hair and a sardonic smile, Jack had applied to be a student shortly after Rama's 1982 Berkeley lecture series. He had allowed the Bay Area postering crew to use his house as a base of operation, and seemed willing to help his new spiritual teacher in any way that he could. When Rama closed the San Francisco Centre, Jack sold his house and moved to southern California, where he continued to run an Oakland-based fruit distribution company.
Each week I stopped by Jack's Malibu apartment to pick up a crate of fruit for Rama, who lived down the block near Point Dume. Before I left, Jack slipped me a small, brown, paper bag.
"That's for you," he said.
"Thanks," I replied and I pulled out a plum.
One time I asked him how he could run a company that was hundreds of miles away.
"By making a lot of phone calls."
Another time I invited him to see a movie.
"Can't make it," he told me. "I need to take a client out to dinner."
I nodded. "Big deal coming up?"
"Yeah."
Rama began spending time with Jack. In 1986, they went on a trip to Japan where, Rama told him, they had spent past lives together. Meanwhile, Jack had donated to Rama not only numerous crates of fruit, but well over one hundred thousand dollars. In fact, Rama announced at fund-raising dinners that the disciples were "off the hook" because Jack had donated yet another hundred thousand.
On August 2nd, 1986, forty-year-old Jack Kukulan was found in his apartment, partially decomposed before the shrine. According to the police report, white powder was found on a nearby piece of paper and on the blade of a knife from the kitchen. According to the autopsy report, Jack died of "heroin/morphine intoxication."
In August, 1986, Rama left Seattle. Four months later, he returned to Boston, where he reunited dozens of former followers. "You should forgive each other and start anew," he told them. Four months after that, he instructed them to call and invite other former followers to a "very important" meeting in Boston.
Hundreds responded by flocking east from Los Angeles and from other areas of the country.
At the meeting, Rama divided the congregation into the "NO," "YES," and "MAYBE" groups as a way to determine who could come back into his new, nameless Centre. He put the women who had been with him the longest in the "MAYBE" group.
"They are the worst," Rama declared, explaining that they would be required to "pay off" their bad karma with checks ranging from $1200 to $2000 a month each. He then informed the "MAYBE" as well as the "YES" disciples that if they wanted to study with him in this or in any future lifetime, they should prepare to move to Silicon Valley.
Several hundred disciples made the move and attended Rama's first gathering in Palo Alto, California. Anne and Rachel, followers since the Stony Brook days, drove west together from Boston and arrived a month later, in time for the second meeting. Rama asked them and seventeen other inner circle women to work at the second meeting. They would check attendance lists and sell his books and tapes, which they had done many times before.
During the meeting, Rama warned the disciples in the audience to make a mental note of the nineteen women working that night. "*They* are witches," he explained. "*They* have been incarnating together since ancient Egypt. *They* have been trying to destroy my mission." He cited as evidence the times he had gotten sick, that some of his hair had fallen out, that past-life students had been kept from finding him, and that current students had been sapped of their energy.
Briefly flipping to a less abusive persona, Rama announced that the nineteen women also happened to be his best students. "But," he said firmly, "they have been seduced by the dark side of the force... they seduce people... they band together in the demon world."
Rama knew the women had recently left their homes, quit their jobs, and traveled three thousand miles to be with him. He knew their devotion ran deep. He then kicked them out before the entire Centre.
"Rama?" started a woman disciple from the audience. "I recently dreamt that seven of the nineteen flew around me like witches."
Rama nodded. "Recently," he said, "they have networked and conspired to murder Jack Kukulan."
Several months later, Rama gave Karen a "Warrior's task." He told her to call and instruct each of the nineteen to attend a private meeting. The meeting was to be held hundreds of miles south of Palo Alto, in an obscure park in the mountains of Malibu. It was scheduled for December 5th, 1987—the following night.
They showed.
Under the guise of helping them protect their careers, Rama warned the approximately thirty people—the nineteen women and about eleven other disciples—that newspaper articles targeting him in a negative light were in the offing.
He spoke to them about the case of Annie Eastwood. A former follower, Ms. Eastwood reported that during one encounter, Rama had misled her spiritually, abused her psychologically, showed her a gun, and demanded that she have sex with him. Rama later told the press: "At no time during our evening together [with Annie] did I brandish a hand gun." But now, at the 1987 late night Malibu gathering, he admitted: "I did have a hand gun with me that night with Annie... but I did not wave it around."
Later that night, Rama asked five or six people to walk back to the cars and wait in the parking lot. Anne and Rachel remained.
Rama faced the remaining disciples, roughly half of whom had participated in one of his group LSD trips. "If anyone asks you about LSD," he said somberly, "you all *know* that I gave you a placebo."
Then Rama, perhaps nervous about what I had observed in 1984 and 1985, told the disciples: "Mark was always a little young, a little naive, a little stupid... he thought that I actually *had* given him LSD... we all used to indulge him... we all knew that it was just that goofy Mark again... "
Rama went on to say that one day they might have to explain "all this" to a judge and jury. But under *no* circumstance, he warned, should they speak to the press.
Toward the end of the meeting, he told the nineteen that if they wanted to return to the Centre in this life, they must first hand in an essay—typed, double-spaced—in which they were to confess to and apologize for their hurtful, wicked deeds.
After the meeting, Rama returned to his latest project: staging a national, six-month, six hundred and fifty thousand dollar "Zen" seminar promotional campaign. The effort included the placement of a two-page spread in the Sunday New York Times. One page was a photo of himself; the other advertised his free talk on Zen and success at Alice Tully Hall, Lincoln Center (see Appendix D). The full-page spreads also appeared in the L.A. Times, L.A. Weekly, Los Angeles Magazine, Vanity Fair, and in more than a dozen college campus newspapers across the country, including MIT, Harvard, Columbia, UCLA, UC San Diego, San Diego State, UC Berkeley and UC Santa Barbara.
Rama's aura of allegations came to light in the press in the midst of his national speaking tour: Newsweek, "Who Is This Rama?—The master of Zen and the Art of Publicity is now having some very serious problems", 2/1/88; The L.A. Weekly, "The Cosmic Seducer: How Frederick Lenz Got Rich, Built A Clientele And Seduced Women", 1/28/88, and "Rama Redux", 9/1/88; The San Francisco Chronicle, "Zen and now: The gospel according to guru 'Rama'", 11/8/87, and "Sex, Fear Broke Guru's Spell", 11/27/87; The San Diego Union, "YUPPIE GURU: Ex-Disciples Turn On 'Master'", 1/10/88; and New Age Journal, "The Rama Drama", 6/1/88.
When articles began to appear, Rama cancelled several talks. When more appeared, he stopped giving public lectures altogether.
In the spring of 1988, Rama had Karen call and instruct the nineteen to attend a middle-of-the-night meeting in the Mohave Desert, scheduled for the end of April.
Rachel and Anne individually expressed doubts about whether they would attend.
In the past, Rama had used the fear of Entities and of bad karma to discipline his disciples. Typically, he had explained that he would try to protect those who strayed from his path. But by now his role had dramatically changed. No longer the protector, he told disciples that if they disobeyed him, *he* would see to it that they had a car accident or that they came down with cancer. He had Karen warn Rachel and Anne that if they did not attend the meeting, they would come to "serious harm."
They showed.
At the Mohave Desert meeting, Rama announced that the nineteen could return to the Centre, move to Boston, teach yoga, and bring him new students.
"Who does *not* want to come back?" he asked.
Anne, Dana, and Rachel reached their hands into the desert sky.
Afterwards, the devotees stopped at Denny's restaurant for coffee. The dissenters sat together. Rama approached. Anne mentioned that the brakes of her car were not functioning properly, and that she had had difficulty getting to the meeting. Rama took credit for the problem. He said: "Let that be a warning." Then he told the three women that they had better not send him any bad vibes.
"One out of twenty women gets breast cancer," he told them. "Five out of twenty women could get breast cancer. Twenty out of twenty women could get breast cancer. Some women get cancer of the uterus... "
* * *
I was shocked when I learned how Rama had treated Rachel, Dana, and Anne. I was shocked that Rama's world had gotten so out of hand. But according to what I read in the press, the experiences of my friends were by no means isolated.
In 1990, Anne and I sat together and read Rama's seven-page "Statement To The Press." Near the start of the "Statement," Rama lists the names of "credible persons who can verify the truth of my assertions." I glanced at the names. "Karen Lever." True, she had been accepted at a number of medical schools, including Stanford. She *was* extremely bright. But as Rama's mouthpiece, she was the one who had threatened dissenters with serious harm. "Dr. Wayne Surdam" and "Dr. Ermano Rambaldi." True, they were an award-winning UC Berkeley scholar and a UCLA geologist respectively. True, they *had* taken the study of spirituality to heart. But they had never gotten close enough to Rama to observe his *other* side. "Richard Loftin." I did not know him. But during nightmare weekend in Seattle, he reportedly sat across from the three tripping women and giggled.
Rama continues in the "Statement":
Annie Eastwood alleges that we had a singlesexual encounter over five years ago in myhome in Malibu, California. She has told thepress that in hindsight, she now views thesexual encounter we had together as forced.She has alleged that during the course of anevening together I brandished a hand gun. Shethen states that she had sex with me out of fear.
Rama then claims:
... at no time during our evening together didI brandish a hand gun.
Anne looked up from the "Statement" and said, "But Rama explicitly told us at the meeting in Malibu that he *did* take out a hand gun that night with Annie."
"Maybe," I replied, "Rama is playing off the difference in meaning between *holding* and *brandishing* [waving] a hand gun."
"What Annie perhaps did not know," Anne added, "and what Rama fails to mention, is that he nearly *always* slept with a gun by his bed."
Rama writes:
Ms. Eastwood continued to attend my seminarsfor another year after our night together.This would not seem to be likely behavior onthe part of a person who was allegedly forcedto have sex at gunpoint.
"No," I thought. "But perhaps on the part of a person who has been psychologically and sexually manipulated and abused."
Rama continues:
Now, five years after the event and in concordancewith a group of persons affiliated with CultAwareness Network, she has decided that a gunwas present during our encounter and that shewas forced to have sex with me. Her story isabsurd and untrue.... Lisa Hughes has asserted in a variety ofinterviews that I forced her to take L.S.D.while she was a guest at my home during thesummer of 1987. She also alleges that insome way, which is not fully clear in heraccounts, I coerced her into having sex withme. She further alleges that I bought herpresents and that while she was on L.S.D. Itried to convince her that she was possessedby 'demons.'I never gave Lisa Hughes L.S.D. nor did I,as Lisa Hughes asserts, take L.S.D. with her.For a period of time during the summer of1987 Lisa and I traveled together. I purchasedsome clothing for her, and some luggage whichshe desperately needed.
I recalled, from press accounts, that Rama had bought Lisa $17,000 worth of clothes. I also recalled how, in 1984, Rama had told me I was mentally ill when I tried to return the new car he had bought for me.
During that summer while Lisa was a guestin my home, Lisa and I were frequently joinedfor dinner, videos and an occasional soccergame by our mutual friend Mr. Richard Loftin.Shortly before I started spending time withLisa, a close female friend of hers was killedin a brutal knife attack in a parking lot inSanta Barbara. Lisa told me that she 'knew'that the killer was also stalking her. Shetold me that he was following her on campusand knew where she lived.Lisa shared a small house in the Santa Barbaraarea with several men and one other woman. Shetold me that she was certain that the killer hadcome into her house when no one was home. Shetold me that this was possible because herhousemates never locked the doors. She saidthat it was only a question of time before shewould be killed.Out of concern for her welfare I gave Lisasome money to rent an apartment in a gatedhigh security condominium complex so that shewould be safe. Just before Lisa graduated thekiller was apprehended and I did not give thematter any more thought until she brought itup over the summer.During the summer Lisa told me about the demons.Her first revelations occurred in the early partof the summer. As the summer progressed'demons' became all that she talked about.One evening, in the presence of Mr. Loftin, shesaid that she was convinced that demons hadbeen directing the killer in Santa Barbara.She also asserted that my home was filled withdemons.
Anne turned to me and said, "I don't know whether that is true or not, but he makes it sound as if he is perfectly normal—as if *he* is not obsessed with demons."
I recalled how Rama had increasingly preached that most of his disciples—and most of the human race—were possessed by "Negative Entity" demons.
"And I know for a fact," Anne added, "that Rama told us there were demons in his house in Seattle."
Rama writes:
She [Lisa] led Mr. Loftin and I down intothe basement and pointed to areas of thevacant air where she asserted that the demonslived. She was also convinced that a demonlived on the second to the top stair of theupstairs staircase. She told us that thedemon that lived on the stair had caused herto fall down the stairs once and was continuallytrying to trip her.
I recalled, from press accounts, that it was Rama who had climbed a stepladder to clean invisible demons off the ceiling, it was Rama who had swept the stairs with his hands to avoid being tripped by demons, and it was Rama who, wearing raingear and Indian beads, had spent hours in the basement grabbing at the air.
Rama claims:
On another occasion while the three ofus were chatting in my backyard, Lisatold Richard and I that she had takenL.S.D. and other drugs as a student atU.C. Santa Barbara.She asked Richard if he knew where shecould get some L.S.D. and cocaine. Whenhe informed her that he had no knowledgeof where she could get these drugs shebecame belligerent and angry.
I recalled reading about Rama's treatment of Lisa. He had allegedly given her LSD. Then, as he had done to the three women in Seattle, he screamed at her for hours, repeating that she was evil and that she had been trying to hurt him.
Rama writes:
Lisa told me she was afraid of her parents.She was convinced that they were trying topsychologically control her. It was only afterI had repeatedly requested that she call her parentsand inform them that she was staying with meas a guest that she finally did so.
I recalled how Rama had instructed me to avoid speaking with my parents, unless I needed money.
Rama continues:
Finally, it became clear to me that itwas time for us to separate. I suggestedthat she return home to her parents, andshe insisted that the demons were possessingthem too.After Lisa's refusal to return to herparents, we agreed on a solution. Lisahad expressed a desire to go to a localcomputer school. I agreed to pay hertuition, purchase her a car and give herenough money to get an apartment. It wasmy hope that this would give Lisa a newstart and help her to gain some perspectiveon her life.
Rama goes on:
Nancy Knupfer, a woman in her earlyforties, attended some of my seminars anumber of years ago. She also, entirelyvoluntarily, donated a sum of money tohelp defray the cost of offering meditationclasses free or at low cost to the public...
Anne said, "Free or at low cost to the public? Rama has a funny concept of what 'free' and 'low cost' actually mean."
Rama describes Steve Putnam, who:
... made a number of public accusationsregarding the validity of the teachingprocess I engage in. My seminars are frequentlyattended by Buddhist monks and teachers. Dr.Wayne Surdam, an award winning Oriental scholarfrom the University of California at Berkeley,also regularly attends. I certainly feel thatDr. Surdam is a better judge of the validityof my presentations of the Buddhist and Hinduphilosophies and methodologies than is Mr. Putnam.
I recalled that the editor-in-chief of the Vajradhatu Sun, an international Buddhist newspaper, once wrote of Rama, "Nobody within the Buddhist tradition, as far as I know, has ever taken him seriously." (New Age Journal, "The Rama Drama", 6/1/88.)
Rama continues:
Donald Kohl was a young man who at one timeattended a number of my seminars in meditationand self-development. In the Buddhist philosophywe strongly counsel persons against taking theirown lives because of a negative karma that canbe generated by this action. I was touched bythe fact that Donald said good-bye to me in thenote he left before he died, and I was deeplysaddened to hear of his suicide. I did notknow Donald and I never spoke to him personally,except in passing to say hello.
Anne said to me, "Donald did not just attend a number of seminars. He was a student. He saw Rama on a weekly basis. He came to Rama's house and ate dinner with us. He came to parties. He went on desert trips. He came to movies with us on Friday nights. Rama is trying to make it seem as if Donald had been some kind of stranger."
I replied, "Mr. Kohl called me after Donald's death. I spoke with him for more than an hour. I figured Rama would not want me talking with him, but I did anyway."
Anne said, "I was at the Centre when Rama found out that Donald had taken his life. At first he looked very sad. But the first thing he said was regarding protecting himself from blame. He told us not to speak with Donald's parents except to say we were sorry."
Rama writes:
I can understand Donald's parents' griefover the tragedy of their son's death.In their pain they are understandablyinclined to search for events and individualsthey can use to explain or rationalizeDonald's death. However, to attempt toattribute his death to his interest inmeditation or to his attendance at someseminars I conducted on meditation andself-development is far-fetched at the veryleast.When examined individually the chargesthat these six persons have made againstme have little validity or impact. But whenall of these people walk into a newspaperoffice together and tell their stories, anavalanche effect occurs. I can well understandhow all of these allegations, when presentedat the same time, could raise questions insomeone's mind regarding my conduct andcharacter. And until Jennifer Jacobs told methe story of her kidnapping, I too was at aloss to explain how these individuals, whoattended my seminars at different times, hadcome to join together in an orchestratedeffort to discredit me.
Rama begins the "Kidnapping Of Jennifer Jacobs" section of the "Statement" with:
It wasn't until I encountered Jennifer Jacobs,a woman who at one time attended some of myclasses, that I understood why I had becomethe target...
Anne said, "At *one time* attended *some* of my classes? She was in the inner circle. She worked for him. She was one of the nineteen 'witches.' He recommended where she should live, and gave her other personal advice... "
Rama writes:
Jennifer's mind was violated in a variety ofhorrible ways. She was kept awake for extendedhours and forced repeatedly to view videos ofCharles Manson... Jennifer was screamed at, ridiculedand degraded. She was constantly surrounded byguards and was never allowed to leave the motel...Jennifer was told that she would not be releaseduntil she gave up her beliefs in the Buddhistfaith... her kidnappers also threatened thatif she went to the police they would kidnap heragain and that her family would have hercommitted to a mental institution for therest of her life.
Jennifer Jacob's parents maintain that their daughter was not screamed at, ridiculed, or degraded. Although neither Anne nor I knew what had actually taken place with Jennifer, Anne recalled too well some of Rama's methods: "Our minds [during nightmare weekend in Seattle] were violated in a variety of horrible ways. Rama kept us awake all night. We did not see Charles Manson videos. We got to see Rama strangling his puppy instead. Rama repeatedly berated us. He claimed we were reincarnated demons and were out to get him. He did not hold us prisoners, but then again, I would not advise running off into the night on five hits of acid. Rama said we could 'come clean' if we, like Barbara, confessed that we were trying to destroy his mission. He threatened that he would send us to hell for thousands of lifetimes... "
Rama claims:
Cult Awareness Network and persons associated withit are participating in the very practices thatthey purport to be dead set against. They areencouraging the abrogation of the personaland religious freedoms of adult American citizensthrough brainwashing methods and techniques similarto those employed by the North Koreans andNorth Vietnamese against American P.O.W's...I certainly am not in favor of cults—who is?But I do not believe any person or organizationhas the right to incite the kidnappings of personswho are part of small religious organizationsthat are not cults... This is a money makingracket. This [Cult Awarenes Network] is nothingmore than McCarthyism in a new form.
Anne and I read and reread this last section of the "Statement." We glanced at each other for a moment—but said nothing.
* * *
In 1990 I spoke with the three English professors who, in 1976, had served on Rama's doctoral dissertation committee. Louis Simpson, a Pulitzer prize winning writer, told me he had written a poem about a student, a brilliant lecturer, who creates his own system rather than working within an existing one (Simpson, Louis. "Herons and Water Lilies." In The Room We Share. New York: Paragon House, 1990). Paul Dolan told me that Fred's performance on the Ph.D. oral exams had been slightly above average. Gerald Nelson told me that while he had taken a liking to this graduate student, he had never thought much of Fred's get-rich-and-famous schemes, including the one to boost his credentials via a mail-order minister's degree.
"Fred once asked me what I thought of his idea for a book called The Thirteen Mystics," Nelson told me. "I joked that he would already have a built in market for the sequel, The Return Of The Thirteen Mystics." But Nelson had not taken lightly the way young Frederick had been affecting undergraduates during his free lectures on meditation. In 1975, Nelson recommended that Fred read about Ken Kesey and about Charles Manson. The lesson was that while both charismatic leaders had experimented with drugs and with young peoples' lives, Kesey learned to check his power over others. Manson did not.
"Yet it was difficult for me to guide Fred," Nelson explained. "Though he was my student, he was Chinmoy's disciple."
Professor Nelson was a tall man with a strong, kind voice. I wondered if Fred had been drawn to him in his search for a caring father figure.
I asked Nelson if he had read the newspaper accounts of Fred's recent schemes. He nodded sadly. "This is the sort of thing you would expect from an intelligent, sensitive, abused child from a well-to-do family. Fred quite obviously needs help, but is probably too far-gone to realize or admit it."
In the mid-eighties, Rama sent Nelson self-promotional brochures, tapes, and books; in 1986, Rama wrote in a brochure that Nelson had been one of the three most influential people in his life; in 1988, Rama confessed to Nelson that he only wanted to make some money, that he no longer maintained a following, and that he had finally learned his lesson about Ken Kesey and about Charles Manson.
Yet the more I learned about Rama through my continuing research, the less I was heartened by Rama's confession to his former mentor.
In 1988, Rama persuaded many of the roughly three hundred disciples to move to Reston, Virginia, and then to Westchester, New York. He founded two for-profit organizations: National Professional and Personal Development Seminars (NPDS) and Advanced Systems Inc. (ASI) During regular meetings of NPDS and ASI he continued to teach his disciples about spirituality. He continued to experiment with mind control. He also experimented with new ways to make money.
Rama had been strongly encouraging disciples to study software at the Computer Learning Center (CLC), a six-month technical school which typically prepared people for entry-level programming jobs.
Several disciples, including my brother, Sal, and Paul, had developed impressive track records in the software industry. But many were only CLC graduates. During the meetings of NPDS and ASI, Rama told disciples to share their knowledge of state-of-the-art software technology. Then he told them to lie. According to the San Francisco Chronicle ("Yuppie Guru Finds Cash in Computers: Devotees pay $3,000 a month to sit at his feet", 7/30/92), Rama, in 1989, wrote a manual for disciples in which he encouraged them to think of a resume as "a mandala that reflects your new self." Rama wrote: "They will believe anything you say, even when you intersperse unrealities, because they feel the truth of your experience. When you have your stories and images in place, arrange for your references. Choose people from our group who are comfortable on the phone, who sound professional and who have had data processing experience. Give them a few notes about who they were."
In 1991 Rama told New York Newsday's William Falk ("The Yuppie Guru", 7/30/91), "It's the most amazing career that I know of. You can start in the mid-30s, and in a year or two you can make $100,000 to $150,000 a year."
From 1988 to 1991, Rama's individual tuition rose from roughly one thousand to three thousand dollars per month. He told followers that since NPDS and ASI were actually furthering their careers, they should deduct the increasing payments from their taxes. This enabled Rama to dramatically increase his "surprise" gift reservoir—while bilking the IRS of millions, in a way that would be difficult to expose.
In 1989, Rama justified to the disciples his rising tuition. "I nearly killed myself by accepting your Negative Occult Energy," he said, "and now you are going to have to pay for it."
In January, 1990, Rama announced that disciples had until March 21, 1991, to donate additional money—from $50,000 to $1,000,000 per person, depending on his or her "capacity." They didn't have to participate, he told them. But it would be their last year in the Centre if they did not. He gave them each "charmed" marbles. The marbles, he said, would enable them to accomplish any task he suggested. The charm, he added, would fade for those who left the Centre—who had not already lost their marbles.
At one meeting in 1990, Rama claimed that his students were treating him with disrespect by being late with their tuition payments. "Better to owe your creditors than to owe me," he told them. He suggested that they move in together, sleep on apartment floors, and not pay their other bills for awhile.
Rama increasingly used fear tactics to control the financially hard-pressed, sleep deprived followers, many of whom worked more than one job. He told them that if he stopped protecting someone who left the Centre, they would suffer forever in the "seventh level of hell." He told them that he wielded the power to create and demolish the universes. He told them that he was no longer the "Last Incarnation of Vishnu The Cosmic Preserver," but of "Siva The Cosmic Destroyer." He emphasized that those criticizing him would invariably get hit by a car or contract cancer.
Rama, who had not held public lectures since early 1988, required most students to bring at least three new potential initiates per year. He spent hours during the NPDS and ASI "computer" meetings coaching disciples about what kind of people they should recruit and about how they should go about recruiting them. He also told them of his plan to have them recruit at universities in every state in North America.
Rama came up with many new ideas between 1989 and 1991. He told the disciples, for instance, that his former Guru was really "a great big spidery Entity from hell." He did not mention that ten years earlier, he had billed Chinmoy as "the Seventh Avatar... the highest soul to incarnate on earth... " He told a few disciples to infiltrate and destroy Microsoft Corporation (one devotee actually landed a job at the software giant as a recruiter). He told disciples that he was ordaining them as Buddhist monks. He did not mention, however, that he was having unprotected sex with a substantial number of them under the guise of advancing their souls.
In 1991, articles on Rama appeared in New York's Newsday, "The Yuppie Guru", 7/30/91; The L.A. Weekly, "Rama Rerun", 11/29/91; and in several issues of the Consultants' & Contractors' Newsletter (CCN). I read in CCN (July/August, 1991 issue) how Rama's followers had become known in the computer industry as the "California Raisins." The Raisins apparently had been causing companies, recruiters, and agencies in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut to lose a substantial amount of time and money. In the same issue, I read: "... we think it only fair to put cult members on notice that knowledge of their activities is widespread... local area recruiters are now circulating a list of those known to be cult members, which is regularly updated as new names are added... In other words, local recruiters, typically thought of as competing with one another, are acting in unison when it comes to fighting the onslaught of this group... if you want to adhere to a certain faith or religion, go ahead, it's what our country was set up to protect. But don't continue trying to raise money through fraudulent behavior which neither the courts, nor most religions would condone... Further info. available from (201) 299-1535."
Also in 1991, I read in Newsday that Rama did not permit disciples to live near him because he did not want them to "lower the vibe" of Long Island. I read about one follower who committed suicide after "speaking incessantly about Rama and about making enough money to get back into the group." I read about Brenda Kerber, a follower who disappeared from her White Plains apartment on October 9th, 1989, and who, at the printing of this book, is still listed as "missing." I read about Rama's claim that those who had not done well in his program were "simply unrealistic or lazy." And I read about Rama's claim that he merely wanted to teach, travel, meditate, and, when time permitted, date women. "I have a great life," Rama was quoted as saying. "I'm one of the happier people I know."
In 1992, Rama regularly held private meetings for his computer company "monks" at the Performing Arts Center at the State University of New York at Purchase. Christopher Beach, director of the Performing Arts Center, told The New York Times ("Mentor to Some, Cult Leader to Others", Westchester edition, 6/20/93) that Lenz is "no more than a Dale Carnegie of the 90's." Dr. Sheldon N. Grebstein, president of SUNY Purchase, also defended Lenz in The Times article: "At SUNY Purchase we have directly witnessed none of the alleged cult activity."
From the stage of this prestigious auditorium, Rama, whom Grebstein described as a "model client," instructed the hi-tech monks to fan out to different parts of the country, form front organizations, and give talks on meditation. On the east coast his recruiting arms included: Boston Meditation Society (Massachusetts), Hartford Meditation Society (Connecticut), Philadelphia Society for the Meditative Arts (eastern Pennsylvania), Diamond Mind (Washington, D.C. and Maryland), New Jersey Meditative Society (southern New Jersey and Princeton area), Virginia Meditative Society, and Manhattan Meditation Forum (New York City and Westchester). On the west coast: Banzai Tantric Institute (Silicon Valley), RCF (San Francisco, Marin County, and East Bay area), and Pacific Meditation Society (Los Angeles). He told disciples to promote their talks by postering universities. He told them to pay particular attention to bulletin boards around engineering and computer science departments. He told them to invite certain seekers to meditate with him (at SUNY Purchase on the east coast and at a rented hall in Oakland, California, on the west coast). It was no secret what type of person Rama wanted to attract. Many of his posters found at universities across America contain this message: "All workshops designed for individuals 29 and under."
According to one disciple who left the group in 1993, Rama's recent, indirect recruiting method attracted roughly four hundred new disciples.
When a group of disciples' parents—known as the "Rama Mamas"—found out about Rama's active quest for fresh material, they alerted the press. Articles began to appear: The Santa Fe New Mexican, "Controversial guru coming to Santa Fe", 3/24/92; Santa Fe Reporter, "Computer Cult: Is the Leader Here?", 3/25/92; Heart Dance: The Bay Area's Most Comprehensive Events Calendar for Contemporary Human Awareness, Spirituality & Well-Being, Editorial: "RAMA? UH-OH", 4/1/92; The Daily Californian (UC Berkeley), "Zen master a fraud, followers say", 6/26/92; San Francisco Chronicle, "Yuppie Guru Finds Cash in Computers: Devotees pay $3,000 a month to sit at his feet", 7/30/92; The Philadelphia Inquirer, "As guru's disciples hit town, critics cry beware: Truth and light, the followers promise. Fraud and suffering, the watch group warns", 8/31/92; The Portland Oregonian, "Is Brenda Barratt reading this? If so, phone home", 9/5/92; The Ramapo News, "College Authorities Alerted of Cult Leader", 10/15/92; The Hartford Courant, "Guru mixes money, mystique: Ex-followers say students exploited", and "Traveling along the path toward enlightment", 10/18/92; The Wesleyan Argus, "Cult Recruits Students Via Meditation Group", 10/30/92, and "Arguses Stolen", 11/3/92, and "Cult Faces Obstacles Elsewhere; None at Wes", 11/6/92, and "Self-Discovery Club Loses Group Status", 12/4/92, and "Wes Investigates Meditation Group's Activities", 12/4/92; The Trinity Tripod, "Alleged Cult Sponsors Workshops On Campus", 11/3/92, and "Meditation Workshops Exposed", 11/10/92; Peninsula Times Tribune, "Manipulative... or merely meditative? Zen Master Rama faces serious charges", 11/7/92; Baltimore City Paper, "Software Svengali: Yuppie Guru Frederick Lenz Wants You For His Army Of Meditating Computer Programmers. Step #1: Bring Your Purses And Wallets", 11/13/92; Yale Herald, "Meditation group accused of cult recruiting", 11/13/92; Westchester Gannett Reporter Dispatch, "ZEN and the ART of COMPUTER MAINTENANCE", and "Flim Flam Artist or Hindu Deity?", 11/22/92; The Chronicle of Higher Education, "Insidious Recruiting or Innocent Seminar? Colleges Police Meetings of So-Called Cult: Meditation group forces administrators to confront questions about student safety", 12/2/92; New Age Journal, "The Return of Rama", 1/1/93; Family Circle, "Do You Believe In Magic? New Light on the New Age", 2/23/93; The Trenton Times, "Meditation or manipulation? Guru called cult leader", and "Disciples carry Rama's word by meditation class", 2/28/93; Santa Cruz Sentinel, "HIGH-TECH Rama: Frederick Lenz offers a vision of affluence, for a price", 2/28/93 and "Guru's Disciples teach campus clubs: Is it a 'hustler's' scam, or an invitation to enlightenment?", 3/1/93; The New York Times (Westchester edition), "Mentor to Some, Cult Leader to Others", 6/20/93.
Rama's response to the waves of negative publicity was no different than his response years before on "The Larry King Show" and "A Current Affair." He professed, through spokeswoman Lisa Lewinson, that money-seeking deprogrammers were persuading former disciples to fabricate accusations. Yet the individuals whose accounts appear in this book share their experiences as individuals. These individuals are members of no such anti-cult conspiracy. These individuals respect and defend the freedom to practice religion in its myriad forms. These individuals have a simple message. Fly East. Fly West. But don't fly into the cuckoo's nest.
* * *
Yet in the spring of 1988, stung by memories of friendship and deceit in Rama's nest, I stumbled my way past the burned-out car abandoned on the charred foundation of 9514 La Jolla Farms Road. I let Nunatak lead me in the fading light through the parched chaparral. She gently tugged me back to the present. One-and-a-half miles east of campus, I opened the door of my Volkswagon Bus. I was still crying.
Inside the van I saw my fish-net "bulletin board" which reminded me where I had been and where I was going. On it I saw an article about a bicycle ride I had taken two years before with Nunatak. I saw the cover of a book about Mohandas K. Gandhi, autographed by its author, William L. Shirer. I saw a brochure from the Peace Corps and a miniature American flag. I saw a sticker for UCSD, John Muir College. I saw a quote from Thoreau: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music that he hears, however measured or far away." My father sent me that.
I saw a picture of anthropologist-explorer Thor Heyerdahl standing at the bow of Ra I, a papyrus reed boat which he and six others sailed across the Atlantic. The journey had proved that "primitive" people could have crossed the great waterways which connect the continents. My mother sent me that.
And I saw, next to an inflatable globe, written on a small piece of paper, the name of the chariot: "Sunped I, a solar electric/human powered vehicle." Below that I saw the name of the quest: "Tour Del Mundo." I was starting to realize that by leaving Rama's dream, I had gotten back my world.
Nuna rode shotgun in the passenger seat, I turned the key and—it started. Leaving the mall, I slowly gained momentum.