Past all the perils, all the quicksands clear,
Then may’st thou profit; but if storms prevail,
If foes beset thee, if thy spirits fail, -
No more of winds or waters be the sport,
But in thy father’s mansion, find a port.”
Our poet read. - “It is in truth,” said he,
“Correct in part, but what is this to me?
I love a foolish Abigail! in base
And sordid office! fear not such disgrace:
Am I so blind?” “Or thou wouldst surely see
That lady’s fall, if she should stoop to thee!”
“The cases differ.” “True! for what surprise
Could from thy marriage with the maid arise?
But through the island would the shame be spread,
Should the fair mistress deign with thee to wed.”
John saw not this; and many a week had pass’d,
While the vain beauty held her victim fast;
The Noble Friend still condescension show’d,
And, as before, with praises overflowed;
But his grave Lady took a silent view
Of all that pass’d, and smiling, pitied too.
Cold grew the foggy morn, the day was brief,
Loose on the cherry hung the crimson leaf;
The dew dwelt ever on the herb; the woods
Roar’d with strong blasts, with mighty showers the floods:
All green was vanish’d, save of pine and yew,
That still displayed their melancholy hue;
Save the green holly with its berries red,
And the green moss that o’er the gravel spread.
To public views my Lord must soon attend;
And soon the ladies - would they leave their friend?
The time was fix’d - approach’d - was near - was come;
The trying time that fill’d his soul with gloom:
Thoughtful our poet in the morning rose,
And cried, “One hour my fortune will disclose;
Terrific hour! from thee have I to date
Life’s loftier views, or my degraded state;
For now to be what I have been before
Is so to fall, that I can rise no more.”
The morning meal was past; and all around
The mansion rang with each discordant sound;
Haste was in every foot, and every look
The trav’ller’s joy for London-journey spoke:
Not so our youth; whose feelings at the noise
Of preparation, had no touch of joys:
He pensive stood, and saw each carriage drawn,
With lackeys mounted, ready on the lawn:
The ladies came; and John in terror threw
One painful glance, and then his eyes withdrew;
Not with such speed, but he in other eyes
With anguish read - “I pity, but despise -
Unhappy boy! - presumptuous scribbler! - you,
To dream such dreams! - be sober, and adieu!”
Then came the Noble Friend - “And will my Lord
Vouchsafe no comfort; drop no soothing word?
Yes, he must speak;” he speaks, “My good young friend,
You know my views; upon my care depend;
My hearty thanks to your good father pay,
And be a student. - Harry, drive away.”
Stillness reign’d all around; of late so full
The busy scene, deserted now and dull:
Stern is his nature who forbears to feel
Gloom o’er his spirits on such trials steal;
Most keenly felt our poet as he went
From room to room without a fix’d intent;
“And here,” he thought, “I was caress’d; admired
Were here my songs; she smiled, and I aspired.
The change how grievous!” As he mused, a dame
Busy and peevish to her duties came;
Aside the tables and the chairs she drew,
And sang and mutter’d in the poet’s view: -
“This was her fortune; here they leave the poor;
Enjoy themselves, and think of us no more;
I had a promise” - here his pride and shame
Urged him to fly from this familiar dame;
He gave one farewell look, and by a coach
Reach’d his own mansion at the night’s approach.
His father met him with an anxious air,
Heard his sad tale, and check’d what seem’d despair:
Hope was in him corrected, but alive;
My lord would something for a friend contrive;
His word was pledged: our hero’s feverish mind
Admitted this, and half his grief resigned:
But, when three months had fled, and every day
Drew from the sickening hopes their strength away,
The youth became abstracted, pensive, dull;
He utter’d nothing, though his heart was full;
Teased by inquiring words and anxious looks,
And all forgetful of his Muse and books;
Awake he mourn’d, but in his sleep perceived
A lovely vision that his pain relieved: -
His soul, transported, hail’d the happy seat,
Where once his pleasure was so pure and sweet;
Where joys departed came in blissful view
Till reason waked, and not a joy he knew.
Questions now vex’d his spirit, most from those
Who are call’d friends, because they are not foes:
“John?” they would say; he, starting, turn’d around,
“John!” there was something shocking in the sound:
Ill brook’d he then the pert familiar phrase,
The untaught freedom and th’ inquiring gaze;
Much was his temper touch’d, his spleen provoked,
When ask’d how ladies talk’d, or walk’d, or look’d?
“What said my Lord of politics! how spent
He there his time? and was he glad he went?”
At length a letter came, both cool and brief,
But still it gave the burden’d heart relief:
Though not inspired by lofty hopes, the youth
Placed much reliance on Lord Frederick’s truth;
Summon’d to town, he thought the visit one
Where something fair and friendly would be done;
Although he judged not, as before his fall,
When all was love and promise at the hall.
Arrived in town, he early sought to know
The fate such dubious friendship would bestow;
At a tall building trembling he appear’d,
And his low rap was indistinctly heard;
A well-known servant came - “Awhile,” said he,
“Be pleased to wait; my Lord has company.”
Alone our hero sat; the news in hand,
Which though he read, he could not understand:
Cold was the day; in days so cold as these
There needs a fire, where minds and bodies freeze.
The vast and echoing room, the polish’d grate,
The crimson chairs, the sideboard with its plate;
The splendid sofa, which, though made for rest,
He then had thought it freedom to have press’d;
The shining tables, curiously inlaid,
Were all in comfortless proud style display’d;
And to the troubled feelings terror gave,
That made the once-dear friend the sick’ning slave.
“Was he forgotten?” Thrice upon his ear
Struck the loud clock, yet no relief was near:
Each rattling carriage, and each thundering stroke
On the loud door, the dream of fancy broke;
Oft as a servant chanced the way to come,
“Brings he a message?” no! he passed the room.’
At length ’tis certain; “Sir, you will attend
At twelve on Thursday!” Thus the day had end.
Vex’d by these tedious hours of needless pain,
John left the noble mansion with disdain;
For there was something in that still, cold place,
That seemed to threaten and portend disgrace.
Punctual again the modest rap declared
The youth attended; then was all prepared:
For the same servant, by his lord’s command,
A paper offer’d to his trembling hand:
“No more!” he cried: “disdains he to afford
One kind expression, one consoling word?”
With troubled spirit he began to read
That “In the Church my lord could not succeed;”
Who had “to peers of either kind applied,
And was with dignity and grace denied;
While his own livings were by men possess’d,
Not likely in their chancels yet to rest;
And therefore, all things weigh’d (as he my lord,
Had done maturely, and he pledged his word),
Wisdom it seem’d for John to turn his view
To busier scenes, and bid the Church adieu!”
Here grieved the youth: he felt his father’s pride
Must with his own be shocked and mortified;
But, when he found his future comforts placed
Where he, alas! conceived himself disgraced -
In some appointment on the London quays,
He bade farewell to honour and to ease;
His spirit fell, and from that hour assured
How vain his dreams, he suffer’d and was cured.
Our Poet hurried on, with wish to fly
From all mankind, to be conceal’d, and die.
Alas! what hopes, what high romantic views
Did that one visit to the soul infuse,
Which cherished with such love, ’twas worse than death to lose.
Still he would strive, though painful was the strife,
To walk in this appointed road of life;
On these low duties duteous he would wait,
And patient bear the anguish of his fate.
Thanks to the Patron, but of coldest kind,
Express’d the sadness of the Poet’s mind;
Whose heavy hours were pass’d with busy men,
In the dull practice of th’ official pen;
Who to superiors must in time impart;
(The custom this) his progress in their art:
But so had grief on his perception wrought,
That all unheeded were the duties taught;
No answers gave he when his trial came,
Silent he stood, but suffering without shame;
And they observed that words severe or kind
Made no impression on his wounded mind:
For all perceived from whence his failure rose,
Some grief, whose cause he deign’d not to disclose.
A soul averse from scenes and works so new,
Fear ever shrinking from the vulgar crew;
Distaste for each mechanic law and rule.
Thoughts of past honour and a patron cool;
A grieving parent, and a feeling mind,
Timid and ardent, tender and refined:
These all with mighty force the youth assail’d,
Till his soul fainted, and his reason fail’d:
When this was known, and some debate arose,
How they who saw it should the fact disclose,
He found their purpose, and in terror fled
From unseen kindness, with mistaken dread.
Meantime the parent was distress’d to find
His son no longer for a priest design’d;
But still he gain’d some comfort by the news
Of John’s promotion, though with humbler views;
For he conceived that in no distant time
The boy would learn to scramble and to climb;
He little thought his son, his hope and pride,
His favour’d boy, was now a home denied:
Yes! while the parent was intent to trace
How men in office climb from place to place,
By day, by night, o’er moor and heath, and hill,
Roved the sad youth, with ever-changing will,
Of every aid bereft, exposed to every ill.
Thus as he sat, absorb’d in all the care
And all the hope that anxious fathers share,
A friend abruptly to his presence brought,
With trembling hand, the subject of his thought;
Whom he had found afflicted and subdued
By hunger, sorrow, cold, and solitude.
Silent he enter’d the forgotten room,
As ghostly forms may be conceived to come;
With sorrow-shrunken face and hair upright,
He look’d dismayed, neglect, despair, affright;
But dead to comfort, and on misery thrown,
His parent’s loss he felt not, nor his own.
The good man, struck with horror, cried aloud,
And drew around him an astonish’d crowd;
The sons and servants to the father ran,
To share the feelings of the griev’d old man.
“Our brother, speak!” they all exclam’d “explain
Thy grief, thy suffering:” - but they ask’d in vain:
The friend told all he knew; and all was known,
Save the sad causes whence the ills had grown;
But, if obscure the cause, they all agreed
From rest and kindness must the cure proceed:
And he was cured; for quiet, love, and care,
Strove with the gloom, and broke on the despair;
Yet slow their progress, and as vapours move
Dense and reluctant from the wintry grove;
All is confusion, till the morning light
Gives the dim scene obscurely to the sight;
More and yet more defined the trunks appear,
Till the wild prospect stands distinct and clear; -
So the dark mind of our young poet grew
Clear and sedate; the dreadful mist withdrew;
And he resembled that bleak wintry scene,
Sad, though unclouded; dismal, though serene.
At times he utter’d, “What a dream was mine!
And what a prospect! glorious and divine!
Oh! in that room, and on that night to see
Those looks, that sweetness beaming all on me;
That syren-flattery - and to send me then,
Hope-raised and soften’d, to those heartless men;
That dark-brow’d stern Director, pleased to show
Knowledge of subjects I disdain’d to know;
Cold and controlling - but ’tis gone - ’tis past;
I had my trial, and have peace at last.”
Now grew the youth resigned: he bade adieu
To all that hope, to all that fancy drew;