This instant, madam, let me haste away:
Thus speaks my father’s, thus an orphan’s friend?
This instant, lady, let your bounty end.”
The Lady frown’d indignant - “What!” she cried,
“A vicar’s daughter with a princess’ pride
And pauper’s lot! but pitying I forgive;
How, simple Jesse, do you think to live?
Have I not power to help you, foolish maid?
To my concerns be your attention paid;
With cheerful mind th’ allotted duties take,
And recollect I have a Will to make.”
Jesse, who felt as liberal natures feel,
When thus the baser their designs reveal,
Replied - “Those duties were to her unfit,
Nor would her spirit to her tasks submit.”
In silent scorn the Lady sat awhile,
And then replied with stern contemptuous smile -
“Think you, fair madam, that you came to share
Fortunes like mine without a thought or care?
A guest, indeed! from every trouble free,
Dress’d by my help, with not a care for me;
When I a visit to your father made,
I for the poor assistance largely paid;
To his domestics I their tasks assign’d,
I fix’d the portion for his hungry hind;
And had your father (simple man!) obey’d
My good advice, and watch’d as well as pray’d,
He might have left you something with his prayers,
And lent some colour for these lofty airs. -
“In tears, my love! Oh, then my soften’d heart
Cannot resist - we never more will part;
I need your friendship - I will be your friend,
And, thus determined, to my Will attend.”
Jesse went forth, but with determined soul
To fly such love, to break from such control:
“I hear enough,” the trembling damsel cried;
Flight be my care, and Providence my guide:
Ere yet a prisoner, I escape will make;
Will, thus display’d, th’ insidious arts forsake,
And, as the rattle sounds, will fly the fatal snake.”
Jesse her thanks upon the morrow paid,
Prepared to go, determined though afraid.
“Ungrateful creature!” said the Lady, “this
Could I imagine? - are you frantic, miss?
What! leave your friend, your prospects - is it true?”
This Jesse answer’d by a mild “Adieu?”
The Dame replied “Then houseless may you rove,
The starving victim to a guilty love;
Branded with shame, in sickness doom’d to nurse
An ill-form’d cub, your scandal and your curse;
Spurn’d by its scoundrel father, and ill fed
By surly rustics with the parish-bread! -
Relent you not? - speak - yet I can forgive;
Still live with me.” - “With you,” said Jesse, “live?
No! I would first endure what you describe,
Rather than breathe with your detested tribe;
Who long have feign’d, till now their very hearts
Are firmly fix’d in their accursed parts;
Who all profess esteem, and feel disdain,
And all, with justice, of deceit complain;
Whom I could pity, but that, while I stay,
My terror drives all kinder thoughts away;
Grateful for this, that, when I think of you,
I little fear what poverty can do.”
The angry matron her attendant Jane
Summon’d in haste to soothe the fierce disdain: -
“A vile detested wretch!” the Lady cried,
“Yet shall she be by many an effort tried,
And, clogg’d with debt and fear, against her will abide;
And, once secured, she never shall depart
Till I have proved the firmness of her heart:
Then when she dares not, would not, cannot go
I’ll make her feel what ’tis to use me so.”
The pensive Colin in his garden stray’d,
But felt not then the beauties it display’d;
There many a pleasant object met his view,
A rising wood of oaks behind it grew;
A stream ran by it, and the village-green
And public road were from the garden seen;
Save where the pine and larch the bound’ry made,
And on the rose-beds threw a softening shade.
The Mother sat beside the garden-door,
Dress’d as in times ere she and hers were poor;
The broad-laced cap was known in ancient days,
When madam’s dress compell’d the village praise;
And still she look’d as in the times of old,
Ere his last farm the erring husband sold;
While yet the mansion stood in decent state,
And paupers waited at the well-known gate.
“Alas, my son!” the Mother cried, “and why
That silent grief and oft-repeated sigh?
True we are poor, but thou hast never felt
Pangs to thy father for his error dealt;
Pangs from strong hopes of visionary gain,
For ever raised, and ever found in vain.
He rose unhappy from his fruitless schemes,
As guilty wretches from their blissful dreams;
But thou wert then, my son, a playful child,
Wondering at grief, gay, innocent, and wild;
Listening at times to thy poor mother’s sighs
With curious looks and innocent surprise;
Thy father dying, thou my virtuous boy,
My comfort always, waked my soul to joy;
With the poor remnant of our fortune left,
Thou hast our station of its gloom bereft:
Thy lively temper, and thy cheerful air,
Have cast a smile on sadness and despair;
Thy active hand has dealt to this poor space
The bliss of plenty and the charm of grace;
And all around us wonder when they find
Such taste and strength, such skill and power combined;
There is no mother, Colin, no not one,
But envies me so kind, so good a son;
By thee supported on this failing side,
Weakness itself awakes a parent’s pride:
I bless the stroke that was my grief before,
And feel such joy that ’tis disease no more;
Shielded by thee, my want becomes my wealth,
And, soothed by Colin, sickness smiles at health;
The old men love thee, they repeat thy praise,
And say, like thee were youth in earlier days;
While every village-maiden cries, ‘How gay,
How smart, how brave, how good is Colin Grey!’
“Yet art thou sad; alas! my son, I know
Thy heart is wounded, and the cure is slow;
Fain would I think that Jesse still may come
To share the comforts of our rustic home:
She surely loved thee; I have seen the maid,
When thou hast kindly brought the Vicar aid -
When thou hast eased his bosom of its pain,
Oh! I have seen her - she will come again.”
The Matron ceased; and Colin stood the while
Silent, but striving for a grateful smile;
He then replied - “Ah! sure, had Jesse stay’d,
And shared the comforts of our sylvan shade,
The tenderest duty and the fondest love
Would not have fail’d that generous heart to move;
A grateful pity would have ruled her breast,
And my distresses would have made me bless’d.
“But she is gone, and ever has in view
Grandeur and taste, - and what will then ensue?
Surprise and then delight in scenes so fair and new;
For many a day, perhaps for many a week,
Home will have charms, and to her bosom speak;
But thoughtless ease, and affluence, and pride,
Seen day by day, will draw the heart aside:
And she at length, though gentle and sincere,
Will think no more of our enjoyments here.”
Sighing he spake - but hark! he hears th’ approach
Of rattling wheels! and, lo! the evening coach;
Once more the movement of the horses’ feet
Makes the fond heart with strong emotion beat:
Faint were his hopes, but ever had the sight
Drawn him to gaze beside his gate at night;
And when with rapid wheels it hurried by,
He grieved his parent with a hopeless sigh;
And could the blessing have been bought - what sum
Had he not offer’d to have Jesse come!
She came - he saw her bending from the door,
Her face, her smile, and he beheld no more;
Lost in his joy - the mother lent her aid
T’assist and to detain the willing Maid;
Who thought her late, her present home to make,
Sure of a welcome for the Vicar’s sake:
But the good parent was so pleased, so kind,
So pressing Colin, she so much inclined,
That night advanced; and then, so long detain’d,
No wishes to depart she felt, or feign’d;
Yet long in doubt she stood, and then perforce remain’d.
Here was a lover fond, a friend sincere;
Here was content and joy, for she was here:
In the mild evening, in the scene around,
The Maid, now free, peculiar beauties found;
Blended with village-tones, the evening gale
Gave the sweet night-bird’s warblings to the vale:
The Youth, embolden’d, yet abash’d, now told
His fondest wish, nor found the maiden cold;
The Mother smiling whisper’d, “Let him go
And seek the licence!” Jesse answer’d “No:”
But Colin went. - I know not if they live
With all the comforts wealth and plenty give;
But with pure joy to envious souls denied,
To suppliant meanness and suspicious pride;
And village-maids of happy couples say,
“They live like Jesse Bourn and Colin Grey.”
TALE XIV.
THE STRUGGLES OF CONSCIENCE.
I am a villain; yet I lie, I am not:
Fool! of thyself speak well: - Fool! do not flatter.
My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in a several tale.
SHAKESPEARE, Richard III.
My conscience is but a kind of hard conscience . . . The fiend
gives the more friendly counsel.
Merchant of Venice.
Thou hast it now - and I fear
Thou play’dst most foully for it.
Macbeth.
Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased,
Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow,
Rase out the written troubles of the brain,
And with some sweet oblivious antidote
Cleanse the foul bosom of that perilous stuff
Which weighs upon the heart?
Macbeth.
Soft! I did but dream.
Oh! coward conscience, how thou dost afflict me.
Richard III.
---------------------------
A serious Toyman in the city dwelt,
Who much concern for his religion felt;
Reading, he changed his tenets, read again,
And various questions could with skill maintain;
Papist and Quaker if we set aside,
He had the road of every traveller tried;
There walk’d a while, and on a sudden turn’d
Into some by-way he had just discern’d:
He had a nephew, Fulham: - Fulham went
His Uncle’s way, with every turn content;
He saw his pious kinsman’s watchful care,
And thought such anxious pains his own might spare,
And he the truth obtain’d, without the toil, might share.
In fact, young Fulham, though he little read,
Perceived his uncle was by fancy led;
And smiled to see the constant care he took,
Collating creed with creed, and book with book.
At length the senior fix’d; I pass the sect
He call’d a Church, ’twas precious and elect;
Yet the seed fell not in the richest soil,
For few disciples paid the preacher’s toil;
All in an attic room were wont to meet,
These few disciples, at their pastor’s feet;
With these went Fulham, who, discreet and grave,
Follow’d the light his worthy uncle gave;
Till a warm Preacher found the way t’impart
Awakening feelings to his torpid heart:
Some weighty truths, and of unpleasant kind,
Sank, though resisted, in his struggling mind:
He wish’d to fly them, but, compell’d to stay,
Truth to the waking Conscience found her way;
For though the Youth was call’d a prudent lad,
And prudent was, yet serious faults he had -
Who now reflected - “Much am I surprised;
I find these notions cannot be despised:
No! there is something I perceive at last,
Although my uncle cannot hold it fast;
Though I the strictness of these men reject,
Yet I determine to be circumspect:
This man alarms me, and I must begin
To look more closely to the things within:
These sons of zeal have I derided long,
But now begin to think the laugher’s wrong!
Nay, my good uncle, by all teachers moved,
Will be preferr’d to him who none approved; -
Better to love amiss than nothing to have loved.”
Such were his thoughts, when Conscience first began