The Bluebottle Who Went Courting
A gay young Bluebottle went out courting.
And first he flew into the king’s palace to woo the king’s daughter.
Now, she was the most beautiful princess in all the world, and had a thousand suitors at her feet.
So the Bluebottle came and settled on her hand, and sang:
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,
I want to marry you!”
But the princess didn’t understand the song. She only saw a great bluebottle fly, and she tried to flick it off her hand. But the Bluebottle sat fast. Then the princess cried out:
“Here’s a great horrid fly on my hand, and it won’t move! Quick! some one take it away!”
At that, you may be sure, all the suitors came running up, and made grabs at the Bluebottle; and the cleverest of them caught him between his finger and thumb and nearly crushed the life out of him. But he managed to wriggle free, and in his flight he flew at the king himself and settled right on the tip of the royal nose.
Then the king gave a terrific snort and hit the Bluebottle such a blow that if it hadn’t just missed him he would certainly have been killed.
By this time, I can tell you, the Bluebottle was in such a state that he didn’t know whether he was on his head or his heels. So he buzzed round and round the room, and was chased from one courtier to the other, and dashed his wings against the window-panes, and at last the king threw hisscepter at him, and the scepter hit the fattest duchess in the room, and bounded off and struck the Bluebottle on the head.
You may fancy how that confused the poor thing! And so he flew into the fireplace, and got his left wing scorched, and he only just managed to crawl up the chimney by the skin of his teeth.
But a maiden bluebottle, who was distantly related to his family, nursed his wing for him, and so pretty soon he was as gay as ever. Then he said:
“Very well, if I can’t have the princess, I’ll have the next best thing.”
And so he flew into the king’s stable and sat himself down right on the back of the princess’s favorite mare.
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,
I want to marry you!”
he hummed.
But the mare took not the least notice of his song. She only shifted her feet irritably, for the Bluebottle tickled her.
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,
I want to marry you!”
repeated the Bluebottle, quite boldly.
At that the mare gave a flick of her tail and hit the Bluebottle slap! bang! right in the middle of his bright azure waistcoat, so that he was sent spinning in among the straw that littered the floor.
So there he lay, buzzing mournfully, till the maiden bluebottle came along and rubbed him all over, and put him on his feet again.
And pretty soon he was gayer than ever, and thought how he would go courting once more.
“Better stick to your own station,” said his lady friend.
But he only tossed his head and sniffed scornfully.
And then he put on a brand-new waistcoat and flew into the king’s kitchen, where the princess’s favorite cat lay purring on the hearth.
And the Bluebottle lost no time at all, but crept straight into the cat’s right ear and sang his song:
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,
I want to marry you!”
Now, the cat had just been dreaming the most delicious dream about the fattest mouse you can think of, and the buzzing in her ear just woke her up in the most exciting part.
And so, you may guess, she wasn’t in the best of tempers.
Whether she heard the Bluebottle’s proposal of marriage or not, I really can’t say. If she did, you may be sure it didn’t please her, for she just made a snatch with her paw and grabbed him by the leg.
Now, it would have been all up with him if the maiden relative hadn’t flown up in the very nick of time and tickled the cat’s nose.
Very well, that made the cat sneeze so violently that she let go of the Bluebottle’s leg, and so he flew away. But his leg was broken; and the doctor came every day for a week, and then he sent in his bill. And the maiden friend brought all her savings rolled up in an old stocking of her mother’s. And so the Bluebottle paid the doctor, and there was an end of that.
Now, would you believe it, the Bluebottle was so young and giddy that his leg was scarcely well before he began to wonder where he should go courting next.
“When there are so many old maids in the world,” said he, “it’s a bachelor’s duty to look round for a wife. I do it out of charity.”
“Charity begins at home,” said his lady friend, and blushed in a modest way.
But the Bluebottle was not the kind of person to take a hint. So he just put on another new waistcoat, and away he flew into the woods.
And there a fine young lady woodpecker was hopping about digging for worms in a ladylike manner.
“Now, here is a person after my own heart,” said the Bluebottle.“She doesn’t wait for us men to bring her food; she just helps herself. I might do worse than marry her.”
And without a minute’s hesitation he began to buzz round and round the woodpecker, singing his old song:
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,I want to marry you!”
“Zum, zum, zoo,
I want to marry you!”
When the woodpecker caught sight of him, she cocked her tail in a knowing way.
“Change of food is as good as change of air,” said she, and gave a peck that nearly finished the Bluebottle there and then, and tore his right wing from end to end.
So there he was, sprawling on his back with his legs curled up in agony, for a torn wing is no trifle. And now the woodpecker would certainly have gobbled him up; but just then the faithful maiden friend, who had followed the Bluebottle because he was bound to get into mischief, hurried up. When she saw the state of things, she didn’t stop twice to think, but took a dead leaf and dropped it right over the Bluebottle.
Now, when the woodpecker saw the maiden Bluebottle, she took her for the bachelor, and gave another peck. But the maiden flew away and hid behind a fern, and so the woodpecker went back to her worms.
“Oh! Oh! I’m dead! I’m dead!” groaned the Bluebottle under the leaf.
“Nonsense!” said his lady friend. “Rubbish doesn’t die so easily!”
You see, she was severe because her pride had been hurt.
“Oh, dear, kind friend, don’t fly away and leave me!” begged the Bluebottle meekly.
“You’ve flown away and left me often enough,” said the lady friend.
“I’ll never do it again as long as I live!” cried he.
“You couldn’t if you wanted to,” said she, and stroked the broken wing.
“Oh, why wasn’t I content with a bluebottle bride?” groaned he.
“No lady bluebottle will look at you now,” said she, “for you’ll always fly lame as long as you live.”
“Oh, won’t you take pity on me?” asked the poor Bluebottle, who felt thoroughly humble by this time.
Then his lady friend put her own strong wing under his broken one.
“I’ll marry you—out of charity,” she said, and flew away with him.