The Project Gutenberg eBook ofTatlings

The Project Gutenberg eBook ofTatlingsThis ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.Title: TatlingsAuthor: Sydney TremayneAuthor of introduction, etc.: FowlIllustrator: Anne Harriet FishRelease date: August 3, 2019 [eBook #60046]Most recently updated: October 17, 2024Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by ellinora and the Online Distributed ProofreadingTeam at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced fromimages generously made available by The InternetArchive/American Libraries.)*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TATLINGS ***

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online atwww.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: TatlingsAuthor: Sydney TremayneAuthor of introduction, etc.: FowlIllustrator: Anne Harriet FishRelease date: August 3, 2019 [eBook #60046]Most recently updated: October 17, 2024Language: EnglishCredits: Produced by ellinora and the Online Distributed ProofreadingTeam at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced fromimages generously made available by The InternetArchive/American Libraries.)

Title: Tatlings

Author: Sydney TremayneAuthor of introduction, etc.: FowlIllustrator: Anne Harriet Fish

Author: Sydney Tremayne

Author of introduction, etc.: Fowl

Illustrator: Anne Harriet Fish

Release date: August 3, 2019 [eBook #60046]Most recently updated: October 17, 2024

Language: English

Credits: Produced by ellinora and the Online Distributed ProofreadingTeam at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced fromimages generously made available by The InternetArchive/American Libraries.)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TATLINGS ***

Transcriber NotesObvious typos corrected.Sydney Tremayne was the pseudonym of Sybil Taylor Cookson, journalist and writer, according to Wikipedia.

Transcriber Notes

TATLINGSby Sydney TremayneThe Drawingsby Fish

TATLINGS

by Sydney Tremayne

The Drawings

by Fish

frontispiece: woman in fancy dress

title page image in color

TATLINGS

Epigramsby Sydney TremayneThe Drawingsby FishNEW YORKE. P. Dutton and Company1922

Epigrams

by Sydney Tremayne

The Drawings

by Fish

NEW YORK

E. P. Dutton and Company

1922

intro page image in color

INTRODUCTION

HEREIN THE FORTUNATE READERS WILL FIND THE HAPPY CONJUNCTIONof two very brilliant young people, whose literary and artistic talents fit like the proverbial glove, or the musical and lyrical alliance of those immortals, Gilbert and Sullivan.

Never were epigrams more worthily illustrated, or more worthy of illustration. Thejoie de vivre, the humour and the human observation which run through this little volume, will I am sure make a great appeal to the public possessing or admiring those qualities.

I am proud to think that I was responsible for the journalistic débuts of both authors, whose work enriched the pages ofThe Tatlerfor some years, and that I have been honoured in being asked to write an introduction to their first collective effort.

E. HUSKINSON

Editor ofThe Tatler

ILLUSTRATIONS

TATLINGS

THE LOOKING-GLASSreveals us as we are to ourselves; the Wine-glass reveals us as we are to others.IF A MANputs a woman on a pedestal someone else will help her down.NO MANgets what he wants, though some may get what they have wanted.THE REASONthat a love affair so seldom ends happily is that one of the lovers is generally unwilling for it to end at all.NO ONEagrees with other people’s opinions, they merely agree with their own opinions expressed by somebody else.IT ISa poor doctor who cannot prescribe an expensive cure for a rich patient.A WOMANalone is not necessarily a temptation, if she were a temptation she would probably not be alone.SOMEpeople succeed in preserving a youthful appearance, but they show their age in their opinions.IF YOU GIVEa woman an opportunity, she will take everything else that she wants.YOU AREmuch nearer success when you are deplored than when you are ignored.SO MANYyoung women have glibly promised their lovers that they would ‘never change’ and have been unrecognisable ten years later.TO A WOMANwomen are a sex and men an individual.A WOMANlikes to know what the man she loves was like when he was a little boy; but a man would rather know what the woman he loves will be like when she is an old woman.IT IS PROBABLEthat if a woman cannot see the point of her husband’s jokes she will see very little indeed of him.A WOMANmay have a small mouth and yet be able to open it very wide.A GIRL WHOspends her youth learning philosophy will almost certainly need it when her youth is spent.ONE MAN’Slove is often only the bait with which another man is caught.SOME PEOPLEcontrive to make their ‘silent suffering’ simply deafening.ONE CANforgive a person lying about one and possibly disprove them, but it is unforgiveable if they tell the truth; that is taking a mean advantage.WOMENhave been the same through all the ages: the only difference between a girl and her mother is their feeling for her father.IT ISdifficult for a man to understand that a woman who would go through hell for love of him is capable of leaving him because he clears his throat or uses a toothpick.NOTHINGunites people like a common sorrow, except, perhaps, a vulgar joke.IF A PRETTYback view won’t let you catch it up it has probably got a horrible face.AS SOONas a woman has put a man in her power she puts him out of her heart.THE ONLYblows Fate seems to deal some people are slaps on the back.A WOMAN’Sclothes should be like an epigram, an adequate expression of an idea without a superfluous—syllable.SOME MENborrow a fiver and behave for ever after as if the only thing they owed you was a grudge.A WOMAN ISnot really adequately clothed because she is draped in mystery.IT ISinexplicable, but undeniable, that a man often prefers the woman he has to make excuses for to the woman he has to make excuses to.WHATa woman costs and what she is worth are two entirely different things.AMBITIONSvary: Men may want to do well, women may want to look well, but the old only want to sleep well.A WOMANcares most for a man when their love affair is over, a man cares most for a woman before their love affair has begun.EVERYONElikes to be run after, but the difference between men and women is that men do not want to be caught and women do.A WOMANwho can bear to hear her husband praise another woman is either different to other wives or indifferent to her husband.A MAN’S‘for ever’ is just about as long as a woman’s ‘five minutes.’SOME PEOPLEdrain the cup of life, and others stick to a medicine glass.IT TAKESa clever man to write a good love letter, but only a fool would do it.ODDLYenough the impression made by the possession of several different names is not nearly so favourable as the impression made by the possession of several different addresses.THE MEANSto an end may put an end to one’s means.HE WHO CANdoes, he who can’t is shocked.A ROMANCEis wonderful while it lasts, but if it lasts it ceases to be a romance.TO BEsuccessful in love one must know how to begin and when to stop.MANY A MANhas ended by running away with a woman because he had not the sense to begin by running away from her.MANY ANimpecunious stylist has found that a girl is more easily won by an ordinary bank-note than an extraordinary love note.AN INFALLIBLEway of acquiring a host of friends is to be a host yourself.THERE AREthree stages in a man’s infatuation for a woman: making his way, having his way, and going his way.IT IS THE MANwho has no right who generally comforts the woman who has wrongs.WOMENwho are the easiest to win are always the most difficult to lose.IT ISperfectly saintly to love some women; and that presumably is sacred love. It is perfectly natural to adore others; and that probably is profane love.MANY A WOMAN’Sundoing is due to her maid.WHEN A MANis lost to one woman it is generally because he has been found by another.A MAN MAY BElegally attached to one woman and yet sincerely attached to another.TO INDULGEin independent ways one really needs to have independent means.IT ISno use collecting notable acquaintances unless you can be sure that they will recollect you.BY ALL MEANStell a woman you love her, but don’t tell her anything else.THAT A MANand woman are always together proves nothing—but it is probably true.IF A WOMANgoes too far with a man, she comes back alone.A PRETTYwoman in a becoming gown is a temptation—men love temptations.IF YOU CANNOTbe funny without being shocking, it is better to be shocking.OF COURSEit is quite dreadful to lead another into mischief, but it is almost impossible to enjoy oneself alone.NOTHINGis more infuriating than to be accused of doing something which one has taken every precaution to keep secret.THE WOMENwho have nothing to show are the ones who have nothing to hide.IF ONElives long enough one is bound to become respectable and virtuous—hallowed by time.WOMENare always asking questions and men are always inventing answers—and women are none the wiser.GOODNESSis only a relative term, and one that is always on the tongue of relatives.A WOMAN’Saccounts of how she spent ‘the house money’ are only equalled in inventive genius by a man’s accounts of how he spent his time.THERE AREtwo sorts of lovers—those who forget and those who are forgotten.ONE SOONgets tired of saying a thing over and over again if nobody contradicts, just as one soon gets tired of doing a thing over again if no one says one mayn’t.LOVE IS NICEwhen it is new, but it wears badly and is impossible to renovate.EVEN THE MOSTupright man may be tempted by a recumbent woman.A WOMANmay have no reticence about her ankle or even her knee if it is pretty, but she will never show her hand.EVERYONEmust take chances and if they turn out right they are renamed opportunities.A MANwill forgive a woman doing everything at his expense except making a joke.SOME MENconsider marriage an unnecessary expense, and some men simply won’t consider it at all.MANYa woman has waited patiently for years until the man could afford to marry her, and then he won’t wait patiently for five minutes while she puts her hat on.FLIRTATIONand office work are the oil and water which the devil sometimes tempts a man to attempt to mix.PEOPLEwho allow their character to be diluted by other people’s opinions are naturally weak.IT IS ONLYa very great man who, in a higher position, does not look small to the man down below.IT’S A MISTAKEto take a man into your confidence. If you do you will probably never trust him again and he will certainly never trust you again.BY ALL MEANSexpress an opinion but not by post.IF A WOMAN’Sappearance is bad her re-appearance is worse.IF A WOMAN HASanything worth telling she tells it; if a woman has anything worth showing she shows it.IT ISno good laying down the law if you can’t take up an argument.A WOMAN’S MIRRORreflects her whole world.IT’S Asplendid plan to make a man run after you, but remember that he won’t go on running indefinitely merely out of curiosity or hope. The time will come when he will sit down to rest—with someone else.A WOMANwho knows just when and how to make a scene is clever, but the woman who knows just when and how not to make a scene is wise.A WOMANalways puts on silk stockings before she takes the final step.ALL BEAUTIFULthings are created for and destroyed by women.IF A HUSBANDleaves his wife alone ten to one someone else won’t.YOU CAN’Tbe even acquainted with love without becoming intimate.THEREnever was a woman so fast that man could not keep pace with her.NO MATTERhow orderly she is by nature it is a mistake for a woman to be always putting her husband in his place.IF A MANis free to do what he likes he does it; and if he is not free—he does it just the same.THEpotentialities of a strong silent man are nothing to the potentialities of a weak talkative woman.YOUwill probably be very nearly right if you judge men by their hand shakes and women by their kisses.ALCOHOLis not a good preservative of grey matter.SOCIETYsays, if you have come into money you can come in anywhere.BECAUSEshe is up-to-date you must not count on a woman being up to time.‘PLATONICfriendship’ is the story a woman puts up to a man before, and to the world afterwards.MARRIAGEis a woman’s entry into and a man’s exit from life—that is, officially.IT ISa funny thing that a man always has to tell a woman that he loves her while everyone else knows it without being told.SO MANYmore people are capable of being loved than are capable of loving.LOVEaffairs are all alike, it is only the lovers who are different.HAVINGwhat you want is not nearly so interesting as getting what you want.THEREare two sorts of men, those who are constant in love and those who are constantly in love—and perhaps the first don’t exist.IF YOUdon’t want tummy-ache don’t eat unripe fruit; and if you don’t want heartache don’t marry a young man.THEREis only one temptation in the world that it is worth while resisting and that is—spring onions.MONEYtalks, and the larger the means the clearer the meaning.MOST WOMENif they had to choose would ask for a clear complexion in preference to a clear conscience.seated woman being offered jars with angel hovering aboveONEmay get what one deserves but seldom what one is promised.THE WOMANwho has never deceived her husband must have an extraordinarily acute husband.THEonly time a thing is really worth doing is for the first time and for the last time.THEeducation system must be all wrong. What sort of use is Latin to a young man on his first trip to Paris? You can’t get much for’arder with a living woman by being familiar with a dead tongue.IF A WOMANis young and pretty and fascinating, the world of men will forgive her anything—and see to it that there is everything to forgive.EVERYwoman should be anédition de luxeof herself.THEone woman in the world who could make a man of a fool, a home of a house, and a romance of a marriage probably wears glasses and jaeger and so never gets a chance.IT IS MOREor less true that an attractive woman has no friends. The men are more and the women less.WHATa lovely world it would be if one could recover the money and the love and the time one has misspent.MENwill pretend to understand things that they don’t and women will pretend not to understand things that they do.IF MENcould read women’s thoughts publishers would die of starvation.A MANkeeps a woman’s love by making promises he can’t keep; a woman keeps a man’s love by refusing to make promises she can keep.THEYsay that one way to continue to enjoy dinners for two after marriage is to have breakfast for one.MANYwomen who look ripe are rotten at core.ONEis forgotten even sooner when one is alive than when one is dead.A MANdoes not ask a woman if she loves him until he is almost sure that she does so, and a woman does not ask a man if he loves her until she is almost sure that he does so no longer.WOMENare generally supplied with the necessary food of life but they help themselves to salt.IF ONLYthe women we love were as true as the things they teach us about women!A PRETTYwoman alone is invariably considered a mystery; a plain woman alone is a perfectly natural phenomenon.MANYa woman who looks light would be a terrible burden.THEpeople who are quite unforgiving are those to whom there is never anything to forgive.THEthings one does because one wants to do them are generally wrong from somebody’s point of view. It is therefore better to do them out of view of everybody.IT ISno good having strong desires if you have a weak will.MANYa man makes a profession of being entertaining in order to be entertained.ODDLYenough the woman who looks most self-possessed generally belongs to some man.IF YOUdon’t tell a woman she will find out; and if you do tell a woman you’re a fool.THEman who cannot make a mistake never tried.A WOMANlikes the things her lover likes, but loathes the things he loves.A WOMANmay weigh thirteen stone and still love lightly.EVERYTHINGdepends upon position—even in the matter of adipose tissue.IT DOESnot matter that a kiss is ill-timed if it is well placed.FLIRTATIONis the froth on top of the wine of love.MOSTwomen’s ideas are better than their morals.SOMEwomen’s love stories are not even founded on fact.I WONDERwho suggested an apron string as the one to which a woman ties a man? In reality she would probably use a pink ribbon.LIFEis a guessing competition and the men who guess right become millionaires or misogynists.WOMENare reputed to be able to do or undo anything with a hair pin. Some of them can do quite a lot without one.THEREis all the difference in the world between being left by oneself and being left by someone else.ALL WOMENwant real love, but their passion for bargains leads them to accept cheap imitations.WHATa woman’s eyes tell a man, and what his own eyes tell him is all he can ever hope to know about her.A MANsometimes wants to be alone to be alone, but if a woman wants to be alone it is to be alonewithsomeone.EVERYONEhas his own particular way of making an ass of himself and if your method is peculiar enough you are snap-shotted for the halfpenny press—and that is fame.IT ISthe most difficult thing in the world to attract the attention of a crowd, it is always so absolutely intent on the man who is trying to escape its attention.IF YOUcan’t get rid of a man any other way—marry him.IF YOUwant people to take your hand put it in your pocket.MENall lie to women—in order to win them, in order to lose them, or sometimes only in order to comfort them.ONEimagines that the reason some people are so keen on getting married is that you can’t get divorced till you are married.EVERYONEgoes everywhere now-a-days; it is very tiresome, because it makes it almost impossible to see life without being seen.HUSBANDSand wives often become fast simply in their efforts to escape one another.YOUcan’t have a really good time and a really good reputation, but then a good reputation is of no value at all until it is lost.THEman to marry is not the man you can be happy with but the man you can’t be happy without.NOTHINGin this world is compromising until it is found out.THEonly way to close some people’s mouths is to fill them.IT ISextraordinary how marriage changes a man—towards the woman he has married.A GREATscandal is generally the public version of a great secret.RICH FRIENDSare a great expense; one is so apt to live beyond their means.IF A WOMANexpresses admiration for another woman, either she does not admire her or her husband does not.A MANwill forgive a woman for not being there when he wanted her, but never for being there when he did not want her.MANY A MANknown to the public as a ‘man of letters’ is known to his own people as a man of casual notes and infrequent telegrams.ALMOSTanyone can be noticeable, but only a very few are distinguished.THE FRENCHdescribe a woman of over forty as of a ‘certain age,’ but as a matter of fact it is after she is forty that a woman’s age becomes most uncertain.EVERYONElikes to be loved, if it is only to convince someone else that they are lovable.WHENa woman is past the love stage she is dead.MOST PEOPLEare only caricatures of their own possibilities.woman peeking over shoulderMENdo not try to escape temptations; their only fear is that some temptation should escape them.back view of man wearing hat with coat draped over right armTHE WORLDis logical and ruthless in its conclusions; it says that if a man is not worth any money he is worthless, and that if a man is worth £100,000 he is worthy.INFIDELITYis, very occasionally, the greatest compliment a man can pay a woman.THE WOMANwho bares her shoulders usually has a larger following than the woman who bares her soul.IT IS IMPOSSIBLEto study life and your husband as well.A MANwho begins by asking a woman to sell her soul usually ends by asking her to sell her diamonds.THE BENEFITof credit is greater than the benefit of the doubt.A GOOD REASON MAYbe a bad excuse.THE CLEVERESTwoman is not the one that can make a man feel that he is a fool but the woman that can make a man feel that he is a man.WOMENmay want to be slaves but they insist on choosing their own masters.DISCRETIONis the talent some women have of knowing with whom they can be indiscreet.THE MOSTperfect form of flattery is to tell people what they think of themselves.IT IS NOTwhat you think of him, but what other people think of your husband decides whether you have made a good match or not.IT IS NOTher sense but his senses that make a man love a woman.LEADERSof men have been known to be followers of women.IF YOUwant to keep a man’s love, by all means dress for him, not before him.THE LESSwomen care about clothes the more clothes they wear.MEN AREcapable of the most marvellous self-sacrifice; a man will even give up the woman he loves because he cannot afford to keep both a wife and a motor.BE SUREthat you are outside when you lock the door of the house of memory and throw away the key.THE LAWYER’SProgress—getting on, getting honour, getting honest.IN A CRISISa woman will turn to a priest or a palmist.WHENa man ceases to be single heipso factobegins to lead a double life.LIFEfor a man is getting and forgetting, for a woman giving and forgiving.A MUTUALsense of superiority is a good basis for friendship between two women.DECEPTIONSare the oil to the wheels of life.IT IS WELLto be out of reach but you must also be within sight to hold a man’s attention.WOMENlove men for their faults—when they can’t find anything else to love them for.A MYSTERYdoes not become a scandal until it is solved.MANYa man gets on his feet by continuing to lie.SILKstockings are the last things a woman discards—when she is economising.ONEof the most adorable rules of life is always to put off till to-morrow what you are obliged to do to-day.GOODhabits are generally affectations or obesity cures and bad habits are often one’s sole plea to personality.SOMEpeople seem to think that a reputation for wit is to be gained by saying what they think; they forget that it is necessary first of all to think wittingly.A LOVEaffair that never ends is one that has been interrupted.A WOMANmay have her price yet someone is always ready to give her away.THEone that does not come out of a love affair well is the one that gets left in.LOVEis a thirst that one cannot quench without becoming intoxicated.IF YOUstart making a man give up things you are almost sure to end by being one of the things he gives up.IF YOUcan’t talk about a person behind their back, when can you talk about them?SOMEwomen are capable of doing anything for the man they love, others make the man they love capable of doing anything.IT IS NOTas a rule until a woman should really be in the past tense that she becomes intense at all.IT IShardly fair to say that women are inherently deceitful. No woman ever concealed anything that she dared reveal.IT ISnot enough for a woman to wear her clothes well, she must also wear well herself.IF A WOMANcares for a man she will never give him away; she will not even lend him to a friend.IT ISnot the woman the man she loves has kissed that should worry a jealous woman but the women he has not kissed—yet.THEonly criterion for choosing presents is one’s own taste; that is why old ladies give their nephews pin cushions, children give their parents toys, men give their wives cigars, and lovers give each other kisses.YOUwould be astonished at the calculations the most unmathematical woman can do in her head.THEman who may mayn’t, the man who mayn’t will every time.ONE’Sfriends are divided into two classes, those one knows because one must and those one knows because one mustn’t.THEREare some men whose very insolence is flattery to a woman, while even the flattery of others is insulting.MANYa woman who seems to want coaxing might be driven if the car were luxurious enough.TO BEsubject to one’s relations is worse than being subject to fits.IN THEgame of life the woman who is lucky in hearts generally holds the biggest diamonds too.SOMEwomen seem to think that they have only to wear a smile to be chic.IT ISdifficult enough to know the right people, but a hundred times more difficult to love the right people.NARROWminds seem to be able to squeeze in anywhere.LOVEis like a bazaar. The admittance is free but it costs you something before you get out.woman by decorative column and draped fabricYOUcan never forget a sin you have confessed.ONLYthe novice attempts to fascinate a man by convincing him how charming she is; the woman who knows simply convinces him how charming he is and the rest just happens.WOMANhas proved that she can take a man’s place among men. But she will never be able to take a man’s place among women.EVERYONEhas been young once, most women are young about three times.MANYa woman tries to cheer herself up with the thought that her husband would be sorry if she died.A WOMANhas to choose between being an episode and being a nuisance.NO ONEhas anything but contempt for the world’s opinion of them—unless it is a really good one.IT IShard to say which is the more to be pitied, a man with an ugly, unattractive wife he does not care for or the man with a pretty fascinating wife whom he does care for.AS LONGas you return his presents a man will continue to love you, but return his love and he really does become discouraged.SPEECHmay have been given a woman to conceal her thoughts but clothes were certainly not given her to conceal her form.PEOPLEwho have lost their reputation generally acquire such very bad ones in its place.THEfact that he is boring other people luckily does not prevent a man from amusing himself.TO HAVEtheir private life made public is the way some people have got into and others out of society.THREEis usually an unlucky number if one is the third.IF A MANloves his wife he thinks everyone does, and if he does not love her he thinks no one does—and in both cases he is probably wrong.HOMEcomforts are things that are always sent to people away from home; those at home have to put up with the discomforts.GOODwomen are nearly always jealous of bad women—and they have every reason to be.A MANis really capable if he can successfully mix his wines and keep his women friends apart.A MANdoes not love a woman because she is a good house-keeper, but he is quite likely to unlove her because she is a bad one.A GIRLmust sometimes find it awfully difficult to give her friends a good reason for having married the only man who ever asked her.YOUmay feel for others but you must think for yourself.THEvery worst people often live at the very best addresses.ALMOSTanyone can see the humour of the situation when it is someone else who is situated.FROMthe way some people seem to avoid knowing themselves we imagine them to be quite particular about their acquaintances.A MANof honour does not help himself to another man’s property—until he can’t help himself.MOSTwomen live for the present, and the handsomer the present the better they live.seated woman taking string of jewels from plate held by small manLOVEhas so many components—multi-coloured beads threaded on the string of trust; break that and all the beads are scattered.THATa man is fat does not necessarily prove that he is generous—except to himself.SO MANYpeople would give anything to escape from home to some place where they could be really at home.GOODNESSonly knows—half what wickedness knows.THEREare all sorts of women. Choose one you like, but never try to change the one you choose.THEREare people who are always complaining that they don’t know what to do, while the only trouble other people have is that they can’t remember what not to do.AN INNOCENTquestion may have anything but an innocent answer.EVERYwoman acts one part in her life, that of the sort of girl the man she wants to marry wants to marry.man and woman on setteeMENalways say that they loathe being flattered, but don’t take any notice—no man has ever known that he was flattered.WOMENare divided into two classes, good wives who have no husband, and bad wives who have several.A PRETTYgirl can afford to wear inexpensive dresses, on the other hand she is more likely to be able to afford costly ones than if she were plain.WHENa flapper wants to she does, when she doesn’t want to she says her mother won’t let her.IT IS USELESSto be able to support a woman in luxury if you cannot support heren déshabille.BETTERa will in your favour than a will of your own.THE ONLY wayto keep a man at home is to go out with him.WOMENlove men for what they give them, men love women for what they deny them.THE TROUBLEis that man is by nature a man—not a husband.seated woman with key in one hand and stack of letters in the otherLETTERSthat should never have been written and ought immediately to be destroyed are the only ones worth keeping.‘TRUE FRIENDS’are generally quite impossible, and true lovers highly improbable.NEVERmake a woman cry unless she insists.A MANis like an omelette, he cannot be successfully warmed up again once he has got cold.YOU NEEDnot consider a man but you must amuse him.TO KNOWand understand women requires brain: to know and understand men requires beauty.WHENa woman begins to boast of the insults she has been offered in the past her charms are waning.A CLEVERwoman can help her husband, a pretty woman can help herself.MOONLIGHTdoes not make things happen but it makes them visible.THEhusband who counts is the one who has something to count.man smoking cigar strolling with fancily dressed woman on his armTHERE ISa lot of difference between the man who admires fresh complexions and the man who likes fresh faces.A WOMANnever notices that there is nothing to do in a place unless there is no one to do it with.THEREare no middle-aged people now: they are young, wonderful for their age, and then dead.THE ACTof ‘putting your cards on the table’ does not necessarily reveal what your foot is doing under it.VERYfew women will go so far to prove that their price is above rubies as to refuse—rubies.MENnever grow up, they begin and end in arms.THEhistory of the world is the story of how different people made the same mistake. Progress is the occasional departure from this order when someone has sufficient genius to think of a new sort of mistake to make.WOMENwill destroy a man’s faith, his illusions, his love: but they willnotdestroy his letters.A MANgoes to a woman when he is in trouble—and gets into more trouble.IF A WOMANwants a thing she gets it. If a man wants a thing he buys it.OPINIONSdiffer as to whether it is bad to be modern or merely modern to be bad.FIRE-ARMSand freedom are two things that very few women ever handle properly.WHATa woman doesn’t know she guesses, and what she guesses she knows.NO WOMANwith real beauty ever had false modesty.WHENa man has money to burn the chronic borrower is a match for him.SOMEpeople who boast of not wearing their heart on their sleeve probably know that if they did it would give them a most awfully shabby appearance.MOSTwomen look better on a cushioned couch than on a pedestal, and certainly feel more at home.WHENa woman wants a man to love her it does not necessarily mean that she loves him; it probably means that some other woman loves him.THEREare people who read books, look at cathedrals and commit sins merely to provide themselves with topics of conversation.A MAN’Ssense of honour is a very delicate mechanism and apt to get out of order if brought too near a pretty woman.WOMANis the eternal question, and man is the answer to it.PEOPLEwill tell you that they never do what they are ashamed of, when what they really mean is that they are never ashamed of what they do.ORIGINALLYan animal, man has been improved by civilization and may eventually develop into a perfect beast.IF A WOMANspeaks without thinking, she may perhaps say what she really thinks.A MANwho will come and go at a woman’s word invariably has to go once oftener than he comes.TO LOOK WELL DRESSEDis a matter of technique; to look well undressed requires natural gifts.A WOMANshould exercise the greatest care in the choice of the men she allows to love her, for by the quality of her lovers the quality of her attractions will be judged.FEW MENare quite so intolerable as the eulogies of the women who love them make them out to be.A WOMANloses her illusions at just about the same time as she loses her looks.THE TRUEtest is not whether a man behaves like a gentleman, but whether he misbehaves like one.CONVERSATION ISlistening to yourself in the presence of others.A LOVER’Seyes are a flattering mirror.woman and man seated at table with champagne bucketWHENyou see an old man alone you are looking at something very sad. When you see an old man with a young woman you are looking at something rich.IT IS NOTquite fair to blame people for not possessing the virtues with which your imagination has endowed them.A MAN’S IDEAof ‘life’ is a series of improbable situations with impossible people.A WOMAN’S KISSESprove almost as little as her words. A man kisses a woman because she attracts him, while a woman kisses a man because she likes to attract him.SO MANYrich men have given up all the pleasures of youth so that when they are old they can afford all the things they can no longer enjoy.A WOMAN’Schief asset lies in what is invested with mystery; a man’s chief assets must needs be invested with knowledge.NOW-A-DAYSit is almost impossible to keep outsiders outside.MOST MARRIEDpeople would get on so much better together if they were apart.A MANwill tell a woman that he loves her for herself alone, but what he really means is that he loves her for himself alone.MOST PEOPLE’Sidea of ‘starting afresh’ is going on in the same way somewhere else.WHEN Awoman marries she displays her ability to do so. When a man marries he displays his inability not to do so.IT ISthe man with plenty of cash who gets plenty of change.YOU CANNOTmake a young girl’s interest grow by pouring lotion on a bald head.IN MARRIAGEor any other adversity a nice man’s best points come out, which is very delightful as long as his teeth are not his best point.NO MANever regrets resisting temptation, because no man ever resists a temptation.NEVERask a man—just make him tell you.A MANkisses whom he may and loves whom he mayn’t.WHATa woman wears reveals more than what she says.fancily dressed womanREDhaired women generally look as if they would like to be kissed, while red haired men look as if they would like to be bald.THEbook of life is illustrated in black and white; dreams are the colour supplement.THEmost tragic moment of a woman’s life is the one in which she realises that she can at last play with fire without getting burnt.WHENa woman believes in a man’s fidelity it is not because she trusts him, but because she has confidence in herself.MOSTpeople would like their own ways and other people’s means.THEREare not enough men to go round, but some heroes attempt to put things right by going round as much as ever they can.SUCCESSFULmen take advantage of opportunities—successful women take advantage of successful men.MOSTwomen start a love affair by having a secret with a man, and end by having secrets from him.IT ISa woman’s lot to pretend to care less than she does, while a man pretends to care more than he does. They both leave off pretending about the same time.MENhave privileges—but they have to pay the cab.THEobject of a woman with a past is probably a man with a present.

THE LOOKING-GLASSreveals us as we are to ourselves; the Wine-glass reveals us as we are to others.

IF A MANputs a woman on a pedestal someone else will help her down.

NO MANgets what he wants, though some may get what they have wanted.

THE REASONthat a love affair so seldom ends happily is that one of the lovers is generally unwilling for it to end at all.

NO ONEagrees with other people’s opinions, they merely agree with their own opinions expressed by somebody else.

IT ISa poor doctor who cannot prescribe an expensive cure for a rich patient.

A WOMANalone is not necessarily a temptation, if she were a temptation she would probably not be alone.

SOMEpeople succeed in preserving a youthful appearance, but they show their age in their opinions.

IF YOU GIVEa woman an opportunity, she will take everything else that she wants.

YOU AREmuch nearer success when you are deplored than when you are ignored.

SO MANYyoung women have glibly promised their lovers that they would ‘never change’ and have been unrecognisable ten years later.

TO A WOMANwomen are a sex and men an individual.

A WOMANlikes to know what the man she loves was like when he was a little boy; but a man would rather know what the woman he loves will be like when she is an old woman.

IT IS PROBABLEthat if a woman cannot see the point of her husband’s jokes she will see very little indeed of him.

A WOMANmay have a small mouth and yet be able to open it very wide.

A GIRL WHOspends her youth learning philosophy will almost certainly need it when her youth is spent.

ONE MAN’Slove is often only the bait with which another man is caught.

SOME PEOPLEcontrive to make their ‘silent suffering’ simply deafening.

ONE CANforgive a person lying about one and possibly disprove them, but it is unforgiveable if they tell the truth; that is taking a mean advantage.

WOMENhave been the same through all the ages: the only difference between a girl and her mother is their feeling for her father.

IT ISdifficult for a man to understand that a woman who would go through hell for love of him is capable of leaving him because he clears his throat or uses a toothpick.

NOTHINGunites people like a common sorrow, except, perhaps, a vulgar joke.

IF A PRETTYback view won’t let you catch it up it has probably got a horrible face.

AS SOONas a woman has put a man in her power she puts him out of her heart.

THE ONLYblows Fate seems to deal some people are slaps on the back.

A WOMAN’Sclothes should be like an epigram, an adequate expression of an idea without a superfluous—syllable.

SOME MENborrow a fiver and behave for ever after as if the only thing they owed you was a grudge.

A WOMAN ISnot really adequately clothed because she is draped in mystery.

IT ISinexplicable, but undeniable, that a man often prefers the woman he has to make excuses for to the woman he has to make excuses to.

WHATa woman costs and what she is worth are two entirely different things.

AMBITIONSvary: Men may want to do well, women may want to look well, but the old only want to sleep well.

A WOMANcares most for a man when their love affair is over, a man cares most for a woman before their love affair has begun.

EVERYONElikes to be run after, but the difference between men and women is that men do not want to be caught and women do.

A WOMANwho can bear to hear her husband praise another woman is either different to other wives or indifferent to her husband.

A MAN’S‘for ever’ is just about as long as a woman’s ‘five minutes.’

SOME PEOPLEdrain the cup of life, and others stick to a medicine glass.

IT TAKESa clever man to write a good love letter, but only a fool would do it.

ODDLYenough the impression made by the possession of several different names is not nearly so favourable as the impression made by the possession of several different addresses.

THE MEANSto an end may put an end to one’s means.

HE WHO CANdoes, he who can’t is shocked.

A ROMANCEis wonderful while it lasts, but if it lasts it ceases to be a romance.

TO BEsuccessful in love one must know how to begin and when to stop.

MANY A MANhas ended by running away with a woman because he had not the sense to begin by running away from her.

MANY ANimpecunious stylist has found that a girl is more easily won by an ordinary bank-note than an extraordinary love note.

AN INFALLIBLEway of acquiring a host of friends is to be a host yourself.

THERE AREthree stages in a man’s infatuation for a woman: making his way, having his way, and going his way.

IT IS THE MANwho has no right who generally comforts the woman who has wrongs.

WOMENwho are the easiest to win are always the most difficult to lose.

IT ISperfectly saintly to love some women; and that presumably is sacred love. It is perfectly natural to adore others; and that probably is profane love.

MANY A WOMAN’Sundoing is due to her maid.

WHEN A MANis lost to one woman it is generally because he has been found by another.

A MAN MAY BElegally attached to one woman and yet sincerely attached to another.

TO INDULGEin independent ways one really needs to have independent means.

IT ISno use collecting notable acquaintances unless you can be sure that they will recollect you.

BY ALL MEANStell a woman you love her, but don’t tell her anything else.

THAT A MANand woman are always together proves nothing—but it is probably true.

IF A WOMANgoes too far with a man, she comes back alone.

A PRETTYwoman in a becoming gown is a temptation—men love temptations.

IF YOU CANNOTbe funny without being shocking, it is better to be shocking.

OF COURSEit is quite dreadful to lead another into mischief, but it is almost impossible to enjoy oneself alone.

NOTHINGis more infuriating than to be accused of doing something which one has taken every precaution to keep secret.

THE WOMENwho have nothing to show are the ones who have nothing to hide.

IF ONElives long enough one is bound to become respectable and virtuous—hallowed by time.

WOMENare always asking questions and men are always inventing answers—and women are none the wiser.

GOODNESSis only a relative term, and one that is always on the tongue of relatives.

A WOMAN’Saccounts of how she spent ‘the house money’ are only equalled in inventive genius by a man’s accounts of how he spent his time.

THERE AREtwo sorts of lovers—those who forget and those who are forgotten.

ONE SOONgets tired of saying a thing over and over again if nobody contradicts, just as one soon gets tired of doing a thing over again if no one says one mayn’t.

LOVE IS NICEwhen it is new, but it wears badly and is impossible to renovate.

EVEN THE MOSTupright man may be tempted by a recumbent woman.

A WOMANmay have no reticence about her ankle or even her knee if it is pretty, but she will never show her hand.

EVERYONEmust take chances and if they turn out right they are renamed opportunities.

A MANwill forgive a woman doing everything at his expense except making a joke.

SOME MENconsider marriage an unnecessary expense, and some men simply won’t consider it at all.

MANYa woman has waited patiently for years until the man could afford to marry her, and then he won’t wait patiently for five minutes while she puts her hat on.

FLIRTATIONand office work are the oil and water which the devil sometimes tempts a man to attempt to mix.

PEOPLEwho allow their character to be diluted by other people’s opinions are naturally weak.

IT IS ONLYa very great man who, in a higher position, does not look small to the man down below.

IT’S A MISTAKEto take a man into your confidence. If you do you will probably never trust him again and he will certainly never trust you again.

BY ALL MEANSexpress an opinion but not by post.

IF A WOMAN’Sappearance is bad her re-appearance is worse.

IF A WOMAN HASanything worth telling she tells it; if a woman has anything worth showing she shows it.

IT ISno good laying down the law if you can’t take up an argument.

A WOMAN’S MIRRORreflects her whole world.

IT’S Asplendid plan to make a man run after you, but remember that he won’t go on running indefinitely merely out of curiosity or hope. The time will come when he will sit down to rest—with someone else.

A WOMANwho knows just when and how to make a scene is clever, but the woman who knows just when and how not to make a scene is wise.

A WOMANalways puts on silk stockings before she takes the final step.

ALL BEAUTIFULthings are created for and destroyed by women.

IF A HUSBANDleaves his wife alone ten to one someone else won’t.

YOU CAN’Tbe even acquainted with love without becoming intimate.

THEREnever was a woman so fast that man could not keep pace with her.

NO MATTERhow orderly she is by nature it is a mistake for a woman to be always putting her husband in his place.

IF A MANis free to do what he likes he does it; and if he is not free—he does it just the same.

THEpotentialities of a strong silent man are nothing to the potentialities of a weak talkative woman.

YOUwill probably be very nearly right if you judge men by their hand shakes and women by their kisses.

ALCOHOLis not a good preservative of grey matter.

SOCIETYsays, if you have come into money you can come in anywhere.

BECAUSEshe is up-to-date you must not count on a woman being up to time.

‘PLATONICfriendship’ is the story a woman puts up to a man before, and to the world afterwards.

MARRIAGEis a woman’s entry into and a man’s exit from life—that is, officially.

IT ISa funny thing that a man always has to tell a woman that he loves her while everyone else knows it without being told.

SO MANYmore people are capable of being loved than are capable of loving.

LOVEaffairs are all alike, it is only the lovers who are different.

HAVINGwhat you want is not nearly so interesting as getting what you want.

THEREare two sorts of men, those who are constant in love and those who are constantly in love—and perhaps the first don’t exist.

IF YOUdon’t want tummy-ache don’t eat unripe fruit; and if you don’t want heartache don’t marry a young man.

THEREis only one temptation in the world that it is worth while resisting and that is—spring onions.

MONEYtalks, and the larger the means the clearer the meaning.

MOST WOMENif they had to choose would ask for a clear complexion in preference to a clear conscience.

seated woman being offered jars with angel hovering above

ONEmay get what one deserves but seldom what one is promised.

THE WOMANwho has never deceived her husband must have an extraordinarily acute husband.

THEonly time a thing is really worth doing is for the first time and for the last time.

THEeducation system must be all wrong. What sort of use is Latin to a young man on his first trip to Paris? You can’t get much for’arder with a living woman by being familiar with a dead tongue.

IF A WOMANis young and pretty and fascinating, the world of men will forgive her anything—and see to it that there is everything to forgive.

EVERYwoman should be anédition de luxeof herself.

THEone woman in the world who could make a man of a fool, a home of a house, and a romance of a marriage probably wears glasses and jaeger and so never gets a chance.

IT IS MOREor less true that an attractive woman has no friends. The men are more and the women less.

WHATa lovely world it would be if one could recover the money and the love and the time one has misspent.

MENwill pretend to understand things that they don’t and women will pretend not to understand things that they do.

IF MENcould read women’s thoughts publishers would die of starvation.

A MANkeeps a woman’s love by making promises he can’t keep; a woman keeps a man’s love by refusing to make promises she can keep.

THEYsay that one way to continue to enjoy dinners for two after marriage is to have breakfast for one.

MANYwomen who look ripe are rotten at core.

ONEis forgotten even sooner when one is alive than when one is dead.

A MANdoes not ask a woman if she loves him until he is almost sure that she does so, and a woman does not ask a man if he loves her until she is almost sure that he does so no longer.

WOMENare generally supplied with the necessary food of life but they help themselves to salt.

IF ONLYthe women we love were as true as the things they teach us about women!

A PRETTYwoman alone is invariably considered a mystery; a plain woman alone is a perfectly natural phenomenon.

MANYa woman who looks light would be a terrible burden.

THEpeople who are quite unforgiving are those to whom there is never anything to forgive.

THEthings one does because one wants to do them are generally wrong from somebody’s point of view. It is therefore better to do them out of view of everybody.

IT ISno good having strong desires if you have a weak will.

MANYa man makes a profession of being entertaining in order to be entertained.

ODDLYenough the woman who looks most self-possessed generally belongs to some man.

IF YOUdon’t tell a woman she will find out; and if you do tell a woman you’re a fool.

THEman who cannot make a mistake never tried.

A WOMANlikes the things her lover likes, but loathes the things he loves.

A WOMANmay weigh thirteen stone and still love lightly.

EVERYTHINGdepends upon position—even in the matter of adipose tissue.

IT DOESnot matter that a kiss is ill-timed if it is well placed.

FLIRTATIONis the froth on top of the wine of love.

MOSTwomen’s ideas are better than their morals.

SOMEwomen’s love stories are not even founded on fact.

I WONDERwho suggested an apron string as the one to which a woman ties a man? In reality she would probably use a pink ribbon.

LIFEis a guessing competition and the men who guess right become millionaires or misogynists.

WOMENare reputed to be able to do or undo anything with a hair pin. Some of them can do quite a lot without one.

THEREis all the difference in the world between being left by oneself and being left by someone else.

ALL WOMENwant real love, but their passion for bargains leads them to accept cheap imitations.

WHATa woman’s eyes tell a man, and what his own eyes tell him is all he can ever hope to know about her.

A MANsometimes wants to be alone to be alone, but if a woman wants to be alone it is to be alonewithsomeone.

EVERYONEhas his own particular way of making an ass of himself and if your method is peculiar enough you are snap-shotted for the halfpenny press—and that is fame.

IT ISthe most difficult thing in the world to attract the attention of a crowd, it is always so absolutely intent on the man who is trying to escape its attention.

IF YOUcan’t get rid of a man any other way—marry him.

IF YOUwant people to take your hand put it in your pocket.

MENall lie to women—in order to win them, in order to lose them, or sometimes only in order to comfort them.

ONEimagines that the reason some people are so keen on getting married is that you can’t get divorced till you are married.

EVERYONEgoes everywhere now-a-days; it is very tiresome, because it makes it almost impossible to see life without being seen.

HUSBANDSand wives often become fast simply in their efforts to escape one another.

YOUcan’t have a really good time and a really good reputation, but then a good reputation is of no value at all until it is lost.

THEman to marry is not the man you can be happy with but the man you can’t be happy without.

NOTHINGin this world is compromising until it is found out.

THEonly way to close some people’s mouths is to fill them.

IT ISextraordinary how marriage changes a man—towards the woman he has married.

A GREATscandal is generally the public version of a great secret.

RICH FRIENDSare a great expense; one is so apt to live beyond their means.

IF A WOMANexpresses admiration for another woman, either she does not admire her or her husband does not.

A MANwill forgive a woman for not being there when he wanted her, but never for being there when he did not want her.

MANY A MANknown to the public as a ‘man of letters’ is known to his own people as a man of casual notes and infrequent telegrams.

ALMOSTanyone can be noticeable, but only a very few are distinguished.

THE FRENCHdescribe a woman of over forty as of a ‘certain age,’ but as a matter of fact it is after she is forty that a woman’s age becomes most uncertain.

EVERYONElikes to be loved, if it is only to convince someone else that they are lovable.

WHENa woman is past the love stage she is dead.

MOST PEOPLEare only caricatures of their own possibilities.

woman peeking over shoulder

MENdo not try to escape temptations; their only fear is that some temptation should escape them.

back view of man wearing hat with coat draped over right arm

THE WORLDis logical and ruthless in its conclusions; it says that if a man is not worth any money he is worthless, and that if a man is worth £100,000 he is worthy.

INFIDELITYis, very occasionally, the greatest compliment a man can pay a woman.

THE WOMANwho bares her shoulders usually has a larger following than the woman who bares her soul.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLEto study life and your husband as well.

A MANwho begins by asking a woman to sell her soul usually ends by asking her to sell her diamonds.

THE BENEFITof credit is greater than the benefit of the doubt.

A GOOD REASON MAYbe a bad excuse.

THE CLEVERESTwoman is not the one that can make a man feel that he is a fool but the woman that can make a man feel that he is a man.

WOMENmay want to be slaves but they insist on choosing their own masters.

DISCRETIONis the talent some women have of knowing with whom they can be indiscreet.

THE MOSTperfect form of flattery is to tell people what they think of themselves.

IT IS NOTwhat you think of him, but what other people think of your husband decides whether you have made a good match or not.

IT IS NOTher sense but his senses that make a man love a woman.

LEADERSof men have been known to be followers of women.

IF YOUwant to keep a man’s love, by all means dress for him, not before him.

THE LESSwomen care about clothes the more clothes they wear.

MEN AREcapable of the most marvellous self-sacrifice; a man will even give up the woman he loves because he cannot afford to keep both a wife and a motor.

BE SUREthat you are outside when you lock the door of the house of memory and throw away the key.

THE LAWYER’SProgress—getting on, getting honour, getting honest.

IN A CRISISa woman will turn to a priest or a palmist.

WHENa man ceases to be single heipso factobegins to lead a double life.

LIFEfor a man is getting and forgetting, for a woman giving and forgiving.

A MUTUALsense of superiority is a good basis for friendship between two women.

DECEPTIONSare the oil to the wheels of life.

IT IS WELLto be out of reach but you must also be within sight to hold a man’s attention.

WOMENlove men for their faults—when they can’t find anything else to love them for.

A MYSTERYdoes not become a scandal until it is solved.

MANYa man gets on his feet by continuing to lie.

SILKstockings are the last things a woman discards—when she is economising.

ONEof the most adorable rules of life is always to put off till to-morrow what you are obliged to do to-day.

GOODhabits are generally affectations or obesity cures and bad habits are often one’s sole plea to personality.

SOMEpeople seem to think that a reputation for wit is to be gained by saying what they think; they forget that it is necessary first of all to think wittingly.

A LOVEaffair that never ends is one that has been interrupted.

A WOMANmay have her price yet someone is always ready to give her away.

THEone that does not come out of a love affair well is the one that gets left in.

LOVEis a thirst that one cannot quench without becoming intoxicated.

IF YOUstart making a man give up things you are almost sure to end by being one of the things he gives up.

IF YOUcan’t talk about a person behind their back, when can you talk about them?

SOMEwomen are capable of doing anything for the man they love, others make the man they love capable of doing anything.

IT IS NOTas a rule until a woman should really be in the past tense that she becomes intense at all.

IT IShardly fair to say that women are inherently deceitful. No woman ever concealed anything that she dared reveal.

IT ISnot enough for a woman to wear her clothes well, she must also wear well herself.

IF A WOMANcares for a man she will never give him away; she will not even lend him to a friend.

IT ISnot the woman the man she loves has kissed that should worry a jealous woman but the women he has not kissed—yet.

THEonly criterion for choosing presents is one’s own taste; that is why old ladies give their nephews pin cushions, children give their parents toys, men give their wives cigars, and lovers give each other kisses.

YOUwould be astonished at the calculations the most unmathematical woman can do in her head.

THEman who may mayn’t, the man who mayn’t will every time.

ONE’Sfriends are divided into two classes, those one knows because one must and those one knows because one mustn’t.

THEREare some men whose very insolence is flattery to a woman, while even the flattery of others is insulting.

MANYa woman who seems to want coaxing might be driven if the car were luxurious enough.

TO BEsubject to one’s relations is worse than being subject to fits.

IN THEgame of life the woman who is lucky in hearts generally holds the biggest diamonds too.

SOMEwomen seem to think that they have only to wear a smile to be chic.

IT ISdifficult enough to know the right people, but a hundred times more difficult to love the right people.

NARROWminds seem to be able to squeeze in anywhere.

LOVEis like a bazaar. The admittance is free but it costs you something before you get out.

woman by decorative column and draped fabric

YOUcan never forget a sin you have confessed.

ONLYthe novice attempts to fascinate a man by convincing him how charming she is; the woman who knows simply convinces him how charming he is and the rest just happens.

WOMANhas proved that she can take a man’s place among men. But she will never be able to take a man’s place among women.

EVERYONEhas been young once, most women are young about three times.

MANYa woman tries to cheer herself up with the thought that her husband would be sorry if she died.

A WOMANhas to choose between being an episode and being a nuisance.

NO ONEhas anything but contempt for the world’s opinion of them—unless it is a really good one.

IT IShard to say which is the more to be pitied, a man with an ugly, unattractive wife he does not care for or the man with a pretty fascinating wife whom he does care for.

AS LONGas you return his presents a man will continue to love you, but return his love and he really does become discouraged.

SPEECHmay have been given a woman to conceal her thoughts but clothes were certainly not given her to conceal her form.

PEOPLEwho have lost their reputation generally acquire such very bad ones in its place.

THEfact that he is boring other people luckily does not prevent a man from amusing himself.

TO HAVEtheir private life made public is the way some people have got into and others out of society.

THREEis usually an unlucky number if one is the third.

IF A MANloves his wife he thinks everyone does, and if he does not love her he thinks no one does—and in both cases he is probably wrong.

HOMEcomforts are things that are always sent to people away from home; those at home have to put up with the discomforts.

GOODwomen are nearly always jealous of bad women—and they have every reason to be.

A MANis really capable if he can successfully mix his wines and keep his women friends apart.

A MANdoes not love a woman because she is a good house-keeper, but he is quite likely to unlove her because she is a bad one.

A GIRLmust sometimes find it awfully difficult to give her friends a good reason for having married the only man who ever asked her.

YOUmay feel for others but you must think for yourself.

THEvery worst people often live at the very best addresses.

ALMOSTanyone can see the humour of the situation when it is someone else who is situated.

FROMthe way some people seem to avoid knowing themselves we imagine them to be quite particular about their acquaintances.

A MANof honour does not help himself to another man’s property—until he can’t help himself.

MOSTwomen live for the present, and the handsomer the present the better they live.

seated woman taking string of jewels from plate held by small man

LOVEhas so many components—multi-coloured beads threaded on the string of trust; break that and all the beads are scattered.

THATa man is fat does not necessarily prove that he is generous—except to himself.

SO MANYpeople would give anything to escape from home to some place where they could be really at home.

GOODNESSonly knows—half what wickedness knows.

THEREare all sorts of women. Choose one you like, but never try to change the one you choose.

THEREare people who are always complaining that they don’t know what to do, while the only trouble other people have is that they can’t remember what not to do.

AN INNOCENTquestion may have anything but an innocent answer.

EVERYwoman acts one part in her life, that of the sort of girl the man she wants to marry wants to marry.

man and woman on settee

MENalways say that they loathe being flattered, but don’t take any notice—no man has ever known that he was flattered.

WOMENare divided into two classes, good wives who have no husband, and bad wives who have several.

A PRETTYgirl can afford to wear inexpensive dresses, on the other hand she is more likely to be able to afford costly ones than if she were plain.

WHENa flapper wants to she does, when she doesn’t want to she says her mother won’t let her.

IT IS USELESSto be able to support a woman in luxury if you cannot support heren déshabille.

BETTERa will in your favour than a will of your own.

THE ONLY wayto keep a man at home is to go out with him.

WOMENlove men for what they give them, men love women for what they deny them.

THE TROUBLEis that man is by nature a man—not a husband.

seated woman with key in one hand and stack of letters in the other

LETTERSthat should never have been written and ought immediately to be destroyed are the only ones worth keeping.

‘TRUE FRIENDS’are generally quite impossible, and true lovers highly improbable.

NEVERmake a woman cry unless she insists.

A MANis like an omelette, he cannot be successfully warmed up again once he has got cold.

YOU NEEDnot consider a man but you must amuse him.

TO KNOWand understand women requires brain: to know and understand men requires beauty.

WHENa woman begins to boast of the insults she has been offered in the past her charms are waning.

A CLEVERwoman can help her husband, a pretty woman can help herself.

MOONLIGHTdoes not make things happen but it makes them visible.

THEhusband who counts is the one who has something to count.

man smoking cigar strolling with fancily dressed woman on his arm

THERE ISa lot of difference between the man who admires fresh complexions and the man who likes fresh faces.

A WOMANnever notices that there is nothing to do in a place unless there is no one to do it with.

THEREare no middle-aged people now: they are young, wonderful for their age, and then dead.

THE ACTof ‘putting your cards on the table’ does not necessarily reveal what your foot is doing under it.

VERYfew women will go so far to prove that their price is above rubies as to refuse—rubies.

MENnever grow up, they begin and end in arms.

THEhistory of the world is the story of how different people made the same mistake. Progress is the occasional departure from this order when someone has sufficient genius to think of a new sort of mistake to make.

WOMENwill destroy a man’s faith, his illusions, his love: but they willnotdestroy his letters.

A MANgoes to a woman when he is in trouble—and gets into more trouble.

IF A WOMANwants a thing she gets it. If a man wants a thing he buys it.

OPINIONSdiffer as to whether it is bad to be modern or merely modern to be bad.

FIRE-ARMSand freedom are two things that very few women ever handle properly.

WHATa woman doesn’t know she guesses, and what she guesses she knows.

NO WOMANwith real beauty ever had false modesty.

WHENa man has money to burn the chronic borrower is a match for him.

SOMEpeople who boast of not wearing their heart on their sleeve probably know that if they did it would give them a most awfully shabby appearance.

MOSTwomen look better on a cushioned couch than on a pedestal, and certainly feel more at home.

WHENa woman wants a man to love her it does not necessarily mean that she loves him; it probably means that some other woman loves him.

THEREare people who read books, look at cathedrals and commit sins merely to provide themselves with topics of conversation.

A MAN’Ssense of honour is a very delicate mechanism and apt to get out of order if brought too near a pretty woman.

WOMANis the eternal question, and man is the answer to it.

PEOPLEwill tell you that they never do what they are ashamed of, when what they really mean is that they are never ashamed of what they do.

ORIGINALLYan animal, man has been improved by civilization and may eventually develop into a perfect beast.

IF A WOMANspeaks without thinking, she may perhaps say what she really thinks.

A MANwho will come and go at a woman’s word invariably has to go once oftener than he comes.

TO LOOK WELL DRESSEDis a matter of technique; to look well undressed requires natural gifts.

A WOMANshould exercise the greatest care in the choice of the men she allows to love her, for by the quality of her lovers the quality of her attractions will be judged.

FEW MENare quite so intolerable as the eulogies of the women who love them make them out to be.

A WOMANloses her illusions at just about the same time as she loses her looks.

THE TRUEtest is not whether a man behaves like a gentleman, but whether he misbehaves like one.

CONVERSATION ISlistening to yourself in the presence of others.

A LOVER’Seyes are a flattering mirror.

woman and man seated at table with champagne bucket

WHENyou see an old man alone you are looking at something very sad. When you see an old man with a young woman you are looking at something rich.

IT IS NOTquite fair to blame people for not possessing the virtues with which your imagination has endowed them.

A MAN’S IDEAof ‘life’ is a series of improbable situations with impossible people.

A WOMAN’S KISSESprove almost as little as her words. A man kisses a woman because she attracts him, while a woman kisses a man because she likes to attract him.

SO MANYrich men have given up all the pleasures of youth so that when they are old they can afford all the things they can no longer enjoy.

A WOMAN’Schief asset lies in what is invested with mystery; a man’s chief assets must needs be invested with knowledge.

NOW-A-DAYSit is almost impossible to keep outsiders outside.

MOST MARRIEDpeople would get on so much better together if they were apart.

A MANwill tell a woman that he loves her for herself alone, but what he really means is that he loves her for himself alone.

MOST PEOPLE’Sidea of ‘starting afresh’ is going on in the same way somewhere else.

WHEN Awoman marries she displays her ability to do so. When a man marries he displays his inability not to do so.

IT ISthe man with plenty of cash who gets plenty of change.

YOU CANNOTmake a young girl’s interest grow by pouring lotion on a bald head.

IN MARRIAGEor any other adversity a nice man’s best points come out, which is very delightful as long as his teeth are not his best point.

NO MANever regrets resisting temptation, because no man ever resists a temptation.

NEVERask a man—just make him tell you.

A MANkisses whom he may and loves whom he mayn’t.

WHATa woman wears reveals more than what she says.

fancily dressed woman

REDhaired women generally look as if they would like to be kissed, while red haired men look as if they would like to be bald.

THEbook of life is illustrated in black and white; dreams are the colour supplement.

THEmost tragic moment of a woman’s life is the one in which she realises that she can at last play with fire without getting burnt.

WHENa woman believes in a man’s fidelity it is not because she trusts him, but because she has confidence in herself.

MOSTpeople would like their own ways and other people’s means.

THEREare not enough men to go round, but some heroes attempt to put things right by going round as much as ever they can.

SUCCESSFULmen take advantage of opportunities—successful women take advantage of successful men.

MOSTwomen start a love affair by having a secret with a man, and end by having secrets from him.

IT ISa woman’s lot to pretend to care less than she does, while a man pretends to care more than he does. They both leave off pretending about the same time.

MENhave privileges—but they have to pay the cab.

THEobject of a woman with a past is probably a man with a present.

Back to Index Next