ACTIV.Scene I.SceneI.Charinus.(alone.)
SceneI.
Charinus.(alone.)
[159]Is this credible, or to be mentioned as a truth, that any man can be so innately worthless, as to rejoice at the miseries and misfortunes of others, and even turn them to his own advantage? Ah! is it possible that such baseness can exist? Those men have characters of the very worst description, who make a scruple to deny a favour; and are ashamed[160], or unwilling to give a downright refusal at first; but who, when the time arrives for the performance of their promises, necessarily expose themselves in their true colours; and, though they may hesitate, yet, circumstances compel them to give an absolute denial: and they will afterwards insult you with the most impertinent speeches, as, Who are you? What are you to me? Why should I resign my mistress to you? Every man for himself, Sir, is my maxim! And, if you upbraid them with their want of honour, they are not at all ashamed. Thus, when they ought to blush for their perfidy, they are shameless! And, in the former case, when there was no cause for it, they are shamefaced and timorous! But what shall I do? Shall I go and expostulate with him on his treachery? I will! and overwhelm him with reproaches: if any one tell me that no advantage will result from it: I answer this, that I shall poison[161]his joy: and even that will yield me some satisfaction.
SceneII.
Charinus, Pamphilus, Davus.
Pam.Oh! Charinus, unless the gods assist us, my imprudence has undone both you and myself!
Char.What! imprudence! So you found an excuse at last. You have broken your promise, Sir.
Pam.How! at last?
Char.Do you think that any thing you can say will impose upon me a second time?
Pam.What do you mean, Sir?
Char.As soon as I had told you of my love for Philumena, she pleased you forsooth! Alas! fool that I was! I judged of your heart by my own. I believed you to be sincere, and you deceived me.
Pam.You deceive yourself.
Char.Did you think that your happiness would not be complete, unless you could delude an unfortunate lover by nourishing his vain hopes? Well, take her[162].
Pam.I take her! Alas, you know not half the miseries that oppress me; nor how my rascal Davus has embarrassed me with his pernicious advice.
Char.No wonder! I suppose he follows the fine example you set him.
Pam.You would not talk thus if you knew me, or my love.
Char.(ironically.) Oh! I know every thing: you have been in high dispute with your father; and he is now most prodigiously angry with you: and has been striving, in vain, all this day, to prevail upon you to wed Philumena.
Pam.To prove how little you know of my misfortunes, learn, that no marriage was expected to take place: neither did my father think of constraining my inclinations.
Char.O no! ’tis your inclinations that constrain you.
Pam.Hear me: you do not yetunderstand——
Char.I understand but too well that you are about to wed Philumena.
Pam.Why do you vex me thus[163]? hear me, I say: he never ceased urging me to tell my father that I was ready to marry: he prayed, he entreated, until, at length, I was induced to comply.
Char.Who did this?
Pam.Davus.
Char.Davus?
Pam.Davus has marred all.
Char.Why?
Pam.I know not, unless the gods, in their anger, decreed that I should follow his pernicious counsel.
Char.Is this so, Davus?
Davus.It is indeed but too true.
Char.What can you say for yourself, you rascal? May the gods punish you as you deserve! Answer me, Slave, I say, if his greatest enemies had been desirous of entangling him in this marriage, what worse advice could they possibly have given him?
Davus.I have been deceived, but am not disheartened.
Char.Indeed!
Davus.Our last plan was unsuccessful, but we’ll try another: unless you think that because the first prospered so indifferently, the evil cannot be remedied?
Pam.Oh, far otherwise! forI have no doubt, that if that wise head of yours goes to work, instead of the one wife you have provided me with already, you’ll find me two.
Davus.Pamphilus, I am your slave; and, as such, it is my duty to exert myself to the utmost to serve you, to labour for you night and day, and even to expose my life to peril, to do you service; but, ’tis your part, if any thing should happen cross, to pardon me: my endeavours have been unsuccessful ’tis true; but, indeed, I did my best; if you can do better, dismiss me.
Pam.Certainly; but first place me in the situation in which you found me.
Davus.I will.
Pam.But it must be done directly.
Davus.Hist! Glycera’s door opens[164].
Pam.What can that signify to you?
Davus.I’m studying for an expedient.
Pam.How, at last!
Davus.And have no doubt but I shall soon find one.
SceneIII.
Pamphilus, Charinus, Davus, Mysis.
Mysis.(speaking to Glycera within.) I will directly, Madam; wherever he may be, I’ll take care to find your dear[165]Pamphilus, and bring him to you: only, my love, let me beg of you not to make yourself so wretched.
Pam.Mysis!
Mysis.Who is that? Ah! Pamphilus! you come most opportunely.
Pam.What’s the matter?
Mysis.My mistress conjures you by the love you bear her, to come to her instantly: she says, she shall be miserable till she sees you.
Pam.Heavens! I’m quite distracted: (to Davus.) Villain! behold the misery to which we are reduced: this is your work! she has heard of the intended marriage, and therefore sends for me.
Char.All would have been quiet, if that fellow had but been quiet.
Davus.(to Charinus.) Well done! if he does not rave enough of himself, do try to make him worse.
Mysis.It is the rumour of your approaching marriage with Philumena that makes her so miserable.
Pam.Mysis, I solemnly swear to you by all the gods, that I never will forsake her; no, though my love for her should make all mankind my foes, I never, never will forsake her. I wooed, and made her mine; our souls accord; and I will hold no communion with those who wish to separate us: death alone shall part us.
Mysis.Your words revive me, Pamphilus.
Pam.[166]The oracles of Apollo are not more true. I wish, that, if it be possible, my father should not think that I throw any impediments in the way of the marriage: if not, I will do what will be easily done, tell him frankly that I cannot marry Chremes’s daughter. Charinus, what do you think of me?
Char.That you are as wretched as I am.
Davus.I am studying for an expedient.
Char.(to Pamphilus.) But you are constant and courageous[167].
Pam.(to Davus.) I know what you would attempt[168].
Davus.I will both attempt, and accomplish it, rest assured, Sir.
Pam.But it must be done immediately.
Davus.It shall be done immediately.
Char.What is your plan?
Davus.(to Charinus.) Do not deceive yourself, Sir; ’tis not for you, but for my master that I am scheming.
Char.Enough.
Pam.What are you going to do? tell me[169].
Davus.I am afraid that this day will scarcely afford me sufficient time for action: I am sure I have none to waste in talking: let me beg you both to withdraw from this place: you hinder me from putting my designs into execution.
Pam.I will go to my Glycera.
[Exit.
SceneIV.
Davus, Charinus, Mysis.
Davus.(to Charinus.) And you, Sir, where are you going?
Char.Shall I tell you the truth?
Davus.Oh! by all means. Now for a long story. (aside.)
Char.What will become of me?
Davus.Heyday! modest enough this, i’faith! is it not sufficient that I give you a respite by putting off the marriage?
Char.Yet, Davus——
Davus.What now?
Char.Could I but wed her!
Davus.Absurd.
Char.If you can assist me, let me see you soon.
Davus.Why should I come, I can do nothing?
Char.Yet, if you should be able——
Davus.Well, then I will come.
Char.If you want me, I shall be at home.
[Exit.
SceneV.
Davus, Mysis.
Davus.Mysis, do you wait here for me a moment, till I come out again?
Mysis.Why?
Davus.It must be so.
Mysis.Make haste then.
Davus.I’ll return directly, I tell you.
[Goes into the house.
SceneVI.
Mysis(alone.)
Is there no reliance to be placed in any thing in this world? Heaven preserve me, I thought Pamphilus my mistress’s chief blessing: a friend, a lover, a husband, always ready to cherish and protect her: but, alas! what misery does she now endure on his account: hitherto he has been to her a source of more evil than good[170]. But here comes Davus! bless me, man, what are you about? where are you going to carry the child?
SceneVII.
Mysis, Davus, (with Glycera’s child.)
Davus.Now, Mysis, I want you to assist me in this affair with all your ready wit, artifice, and dexterity.
Mysis.What are you going to do?
Davus.Take the child from me directly, and lay him down at our door[171].
Mysis.Mercy on me! what, upon the bare ground?
Davus.You may take some of the herbs from that altar, and strew them under him[172].
Mysis.But why don’t you lay him there yourself?
Davus.That if my master should require me to swear that I did not do it; I may take the oath with a safe conscience[173].
Mysis.I understand you. But tell me, Davus, how long has your conscience been so scrupulously nice?
Davus.Make haste, that I may tell you further what I mean to do. Oh, Jupiter!
Mysis.What?
Davus.(to himself.) The father of the bride is coming this way: I abandon my first design.
Mysis.I don’t understand this[174].
Davus.I will pretend to come from the right: do you take care to second what I say, as you see occasion.
[he retires
Mysis.I can’t make out a syllable of all this: but, if I can be of any use, (which you know better than I,) I will stay; lest, otherwise, I should be any hinderance to your plans.
SceneVIII.
Chremes, Mysis, Davus.
Chremes.(to himself.) Well, having prepared every thing for the marriage of my daughter, I am returned to inform them that they may now send for her. But what do I see? by Hercules, ’tis a child! Woman, did you lay it there?
Mysis.Where can Davus be?
Chremes.Why don’t you answer me?
Mysis.(aside.) Ah! he is not here. Mercy on me, the fellow has left me here, and gone away.
Davus.(speaking loud, and pretending not to see Chremes.) Heavens! what a crowd there is in the Forum! what a wrangling! provisions too are very dear. (Aside.) What else to say I know not.
Mysis.(aside to Davus.) In Heaven’s name, how could you think of leaving me here alone?
Davus.(aloud.) Ha! what plot is this? Mysis, whose child is this? who brought it here?
Mysis.(aside to Davus.) Are you mad to ask me such a question?
Davus.Whom should I ask? I can see no one else here[175].
Chremes.(aside.) I wonder whose child it is!
Davus.Will you answer me or not?
Mysis.Ah!
Davus.(aside to Mysis.) Move to the right.
Mysis.Are you mad? was it not yourself?
Davus.(aside to Mysis.) Take care not to say a single syllable, except exact answers to the questions I put to you.
Mysis.Do you threaten me?
Davus.Whose child is it? (Aside to Mysis.) Speak.
Mysis.From our house.
Davus.Ha! ha! this woman’s impudence is wonderful!
Chremes.(aside.) This girl belongs to the Andrian, I am pretty sure.
Davus.Do we seem so fit to be imposed upon?
Chremes.(aside.) I came just in time.
Davus.(quite loud.) Make haste, and take the brat from our door. (Aside to Mysis.) Don’t stir a step.
Mysis.The deuce[176]take you, fellow, for terrifying me in this manner.
Davus.Do you hear me or not?
Mysis.What do you want?
Davus.What! must I tell you again! whose child have you brought here? Answer me.
Mysis.You know well enough whose child it is.
Davus.Never mind what I know: tell me what I ask.
Mysis.It belongs to your family.
Davus.To our family! but to which of us?
Mysis.To Pamphilus.
Davus.Hey! what? to Pamphilus? (very loud.)
Mysis.Yes, can you deny it?
Chremes.(aside.) I acted wisely in avoiding the match[177].
Davus.What a disgraceful trick! it ought to be publicly exposed.
Mysis.What are you making so much noise about?
Davus.What did I see brought to your house yesterday?
Mysis.O! impudent fellow!
Davus.’Tis true: I saw old Canthara, with something under her cloak[178].
Mysis.Thank Heaven, that there were some free women present when my mistress was delivered[179ᴬ].
Davus.She knows little of the man she wants to practise these tricks upon: do you think that if Chremes saw this child before our door, he would refuse us his daughter on that account? I say he would give her more willingly.
Chremes.(aside.) Not he, indeed.
Davus.And, to be short with you, that you may understand me at once, if you don’t take away the child instantly, I’ll roll him into the middle of the street, and you, Madam, into the kennel.
Mysis.[179ᴮ]By Pollux, fellow, you are drunk.
Davus.One falsehood brings on another:[180]I hear it whispered about, that she is a citizen of Athens.
Chremes.(aside.) How!
Davus.And that he will be compelled to marry her[181].
Mysis.What then, pray, is she not a citizen?
Chremes.(aside.) By Jupiter, I have narrowly escaped making myself a common laughing-stock to all the town.
Davus.(turning round suddenly.) Who speaks there? Oh Chremes! you are come just in time:listen——
Chremes.I have heard every thing.
Davus.What, Sir, heard all, did you say?
Chremes.I tell you, I heard all from the beginning.
Davus.(half aloud.) He has heard all: what an[182]accident!—this impudent wench ought to be taken hence and punished[183]: (to Mysis.) This is Chremes himself: think not that you can impose upon Davus.
Mysis.Alas! dear Sir, indeed I have said nothing but the truth.
Chremes.I know every thing. Is Simo at home?
Davus.Yes, Sir.
[Exit Chremes.
SceneIX.
Mysis, Davus, (overjoyed, offers to take her hand.)
Mysis.Don’t touch me, you villain: if I don’t tell my mistress all this, may Ibe—
Davus.Hey-day! you silly wench: You don’t know what we have just done.
Mysis.How should I?
Davus.[184]That was the bride’s father: I wished him to know all this; and there was no other way to acquaint him with it.
Mysis.You should have given me notice then.
Davus.[185]Do you think a thing of this sort can be done as well by premeditating and studying, as by acting according to the natural impulse of the moment.
SceneX.
Crito[186], Mysis, Davus.
Crito.(to himself.) I am told, that this is the street in which Chrysis dwelt; who chose to amass wealth here, in a manner not the most unexceptionable, rather than live in honest poverty in her own[187]country. That wealth, however, now devolves to me[188]. But I see some persons of whom I can inquire. God save you.
Mysis.[189]Bless me! whom do I see? is not this Crito the kinsman of Chrysis? It is.
Crito.Oh, Mysis! God save you.
Mysis.God save you, Crito.
Crito.Alas![190]poor Chrysis is then gone.
Mysis.She is indeed: and the loss of her has almost ruined us.
Crito.What! you? how so? has any other misfortune happened to you? how do you live now, Mysis?
Mysis.Oh! we live as we can, as the saying goes: since we cannot live as we would.
Crito.Has Glycera discovered her parents here?
Mysis.Would to Heaven she had.
Crito.Not yet! In an evil hour then came I here: for, in truth, if I had known that, I would not have set a foot in this city. Glycera was always treated as, and called the sister of, Chrysis; and has in possession what property she left: and the example of others will teach me what ease, redress, and profit, I have to expect from[191]a suit at law: besides, I suppose, by this time, she has some lover to espouse her cause; for, she was no longer in her childhood, when she left the isle of Andros. I should be railed at as a beggar, and a pitiful legacy-hunter. Besides, I never could be cruel enough to reduce her to poverty.
Mysis.O excellent Crito! I see you are still the same worthy soul you used to be.
Crito.Well, since I am come, let me see the poor girl.
Mysis.By all means.
Davus.I will go with them: as I don’t wish to meet with our old gentleman just at this time.