AH! AH! QUEEN OF THE RUDE ISLANDS

But still her gay humour was with her to the end. As she lay on her crazy bed, surrounded by priests, she made the supreme and crowningbon motof her brilliant life. Stretching out her wasted arm to the nearly empty absinthe bottle by her bed, she made a slightly resentfulmoueand murmured "Encore une!"

Oh, brave, witty Bibi!

AH! AH!AH! AH! Queen of the Rude Islands

THE "Rude" Islands! what a thrill that name awakes in the heart of every wanderer—lying as they do in the very heart of the rolling Pacific. Was it two or three hundred years ago that brave Joshua Mortlake discovered and christened them? History has it that he was standing on the poop deck of his schooner the "Whoops-a-Daisy" when he first beheld those pocket Paradises of the Pacific. He shaded his eyes with his hand and turned to his bosom friend—Eagle Trott:

"What exactly do those islands remind you of?" he asked.

Eagle looked down bashfully. "I'd rather not say," he replied.

At this Joshua slapped him heartily on the back.

"Stap me," he cried, using a colloquialism of the period, "if I do not name them the Rude Islands." And from that moment they have been known as nothing else.

To attempt to describe the wild untameable beauty of the coast scenery would be almost as absurd as to endeavour to portray the seductive sensuality and exotic perfection of the interior landscapes—but a brief catalogue of some of the outstanding horticultural marvels will do no harm to anyone and perhaps convey to the lay mind a slight conception of the atmosphere in which Ah! Ah! was born and bred. For instance, the flowering kaia-ooh! with its exquisite perfume (suggestive of the Californian Poppy), the veemuawees (a small hard fruit suggestive of the oak apple), and the perennial "Pooh!" (merely suggestive) all combined to enwrap the infant Ah! Ah! in a somnolent cocoon of sensual languidness, from which in after life she was hard put to it to escape. To say that her dazzling beauty completely hypnotised any native for miles round into instant submission—would perhaps be exaggerating; but if one is to judge from the accounts of contemporary chroniclers she was undoubtedly attractive.

For those interested in queer native traditions and legends, the origin of her name must indeed prove an instructive object lesson—intermingling as it does the austerity and reproach of the North with the quaint domestic charm of the further South. The story runs thus:

When quite a child this lithe supple young thing was as full of mischief and engaging roguery as any tortoiseshell kitten—with elfin glee her favourite sport was to fill her grandmother's bed with "ouliaries" (Good God! berries, so called because on sudden contact with bare flesh they burst with a loud explosion causing the victim to shout "Good God!" from sheer surprise). For three months this winsome game went undetected until one day her mother—Kia-oopoo—discovered her creeping in at her grandmother's door with a basket full of "ouliaries." Catching her daughter by the scruff of the neck she proceeded to administer several sharp slaps with great precision—the while murmuring "Ah! Ah!" in tones of rebuke. And thus, we are informed, was originated a name that was destined to be handed down to every reigning queen of the Rude Islands until the devastating tidal wave of 1889.

Ah! Ah!'s childhood was spent running completely wild with her three sisters "Beaoui" (meaning "Heavens Above"), "Sua-sua" (meaning "Shut your Face") and young "Goop" (meaning in American "Park your Fanny" and in English, "Sit Down").

Through the long languid sunny hours they would romp in the "lovieeah" (long grass), or play "uou" (toss the cocoa-nut) in the "haeeiuol" (short grass). On moonlight nights when the tide was high they would fish from the reef—catching generally either "youis" (the Pacific haddock) or merely the common "choop" (or dab). Life was one long round of sport and play—until one day—to quote Hans Burdle in his world-famed book of Travel, "Set Sail ahoy" "the radiant Ah! Ah! awoke and found herself to be a woman—with a woman's joys, a woman's sorrows and withal the touch of a woman's hand."

From that moment life in the Rude Islands became a different matter. No more was she to paddle in the "ku-ku" (small stream or rivulet) or chase the playful "erieuah" (or hooped snake, which when pursued by its enemies executes the most peculiar antics eventually disappearing amid a cloud of smoke). The responsibilities of a greater existence were suddenly thrust upon her—she was crowned queen.

The story of the unexpected arrival of a Presbyterian missionery in the midst of her coronation feast is too well known to repeat—and the tale of the landing of eight Bhuddist monks during the christening of her first child is now so hackneyed as to be irritating; therefore we will skip the minor incidents of the early part of her reign and mention a few of the progressive improvements on existing conditions which found their source in her tireless and fertile brain.

To begin with she abolished the "plozza" (or notched club), substituting in its place the "sneep" (a subtle instrument of torture which by means of the sudden expenditure of the breath would cover one's enemies with "noonies") (or red ants).

Then, though flying in the face of time-honoured tradition, the courageous woman completely forbade cannibalism among blood relations; condemning this practice under the heading of "gavonah" (or incestuous conduct) and thereby putting an end to many rowdy Sunday evenings.

Not content with these vast changes in the fundamental Island habits she concentrated her unfailing energies on the reformation of the marriage laws, which at that time were in a deplorably decadent condition, and encouraged with all her might the trade of "fuahs" and "aeious" (nose rings and hair tidies) with the "Bauoacha" Islands a few miles off. Until the ripe age of eighty-seven she ruled her subjects trustingly and lovingly—yet withal firmly—earning for herself from all the British traders the nickname of "Queen Bess of the Pacific."

After her death her eldest illegitimate son, Boo-ah (Goodness Gracious) ascended the throne, and—if we are to believe Professor Furch's "With Dusky Friends"—went far towards undoing the unbelievable good worked by his unflinching mother.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have included Ah! Ah! in these memoirs—in the face of almost overwhelming opposition (mainly on account of race prejudice) in the first place because she was as beautiful and authoritative as any of the European queens—and secondly because Ah! Ah! for me stands for something ineffably noble, inspiring—not perhaps for what she has done—maybe more for the things she left undone.

Baloona, Enrique.Artist anddilettante, famous for his "Portrait of Isabella Angelica," "Spanish Peaks," and "Half-Caste Child with Orange."Ben-Hepple, Nicholas.Eighteenth century historian. Author of "Julie de Poopinac" (17 vols.).Bloodworthy, Stephen.Author of "International Beauties," "Then and Now," and "Now and Then."Bogtoe, Douglas.Company promoter and basket-work expert.Bonk, Dorothy.First cousin to Rupert Plinge—incidentally the first New England girl to say "Gosh!"Boo, A. Ranville.Celebrated XIXth century sanitary inspector.Bottiburgen, Hans Von.Science master, Munich College. Author of "Our Women," "Do Actresses Mind Much?" and "Life of Fritz Schnotter" (3 vols.).Bottle, Elizabeth.Adapter and translator of several works of the period.Bovine, Gustave.Author of "French without Tears" and "Vive les Vacances," etc.Bowles, Earl. "Intellects of the Hour," "Cheese Cookery in All Its Branches."Bramp, B. F."America in Sunshine and Shadow," "Pinafore Days."Bramp, Norman.Author of "Up and Away," "Reynard, the Story of a Fox," "Tantivoy," and "Female Influence and Why?" (5 vols.).Brampenrich, Fritz.German historian.Brattlevitch, Boris.Russian author. Books: "War and Why," "Women of Russia." Several good cooking recipes.Bug, Reginald.Actor—occasional property man. Parts he played: "Romeo," "Bottom," "Third Guest" in "The Berlin Girl," "Norman" in "Oh, Charles—a Satire on the Massacre of Saint Bartholomew," and others. Hobbies: Cup-and-ball, tilting, and fretwork.Burdle, Hans.Bulgarian author; Works: "Set Sail Ahoy," "Abaft," "Belay," etc.Caballero, Basta.Actor and founder of Shakespearean Theatre in Barcelona.Campanele, Vittorio.Florentine engraver, "Early Portrait of Bianca di Pianno-Forti," "Raised Pansies on China Plaque," etc.Campbell, Olaf.Keen angler and piscatorial expert.Carlini, Angelo.Italian actor—formerly plumber during the Renaissance.Chaddle, Esmé.Daughter of Avery Chaddle, and subsequently Mrs. J. D. Spout.Chaffinch, Alexander.Second cousin to Rupert Plinge; second man to say "Gee!" in Virginia.Chuggski, Dimitri.Russian actor.Coddle, Humphrey.Artist, well known for his "Cows Grazing outside Dover," "Playmates," and "Daddy's Darling."Cronk, Oswald, Bart.Painter of "Madcap Moll, Eighth Duchess of Wapping," "Pine Trees near Ascot," and "Esther Lollop as 'Cymbeline.'"Dentifrice, Pierre.Actor—French (early).Dugaz, Pierre.Court chiropodist, seventeenth century. Author of "Feet and Fashion," "The Valley of Waving Corns," etc.Earwhacker, Caesar.Owner of Old World Bicycle Shed.Fibinio, Pietro.Italian—author of "Bianca," "God Bless the Pope," etc.Floop, Richard."Spout, the Man" (3 vols.); "The Girls of Marley Manor" and "Janet's Prank."Follygob, Alan. English Dramatic Critic. Clubs: "The Union Jack" and "The What-Ho" in Jermyn Street.Fortescue, Ex-Senator. Celebrated for eloping with Rupert Plinge's Auntie Gracie.Frapple, Ernest. "Amy Snurge, A Grand Woman" (2 vols.) and a political satire, "Don't Vote Till Tuesday!"Furch, Professor, "With Dusky Friends" and "Where Palm Trees Sway."Gerphipps, Ronald. Very old Scotch painter—famous for "Portrait of Maggie McWhistle," "Evening on Loch Lomond," and "Glasgow, my Glasgow!"Goethe. Obscure German author. Suspected of having written "Faust."Goodge, Albert. Friend of Nicholas Kewee.Grobmeyer, Carl. Early German etcher.Grundelheim, Paul. German author and historian. Principal works: "Toilers who have Toiled," "Women of Wurtemburg," and "Byways of the Black Forest."Hooter, Freddie. Renowned for physical appearance but flat feet.Hosper, Sholto Z."Jake the Climber" (7 vols.) and "Diet or Die."Kayrille, Siegfried.Born in Berlin, 1670. Disappointed playwright, and subsequent art critic.Kewee, Nicholas.Friend of Albert Goodge.Klick, Nicholas.Russian—author of "Life of Anna Podd" (6 vols.), and "Was Ivan Terrible?"Kump, H. Mackenzie.Keen philanthropist and insatiable globe-trotter.Lincoln, Abraham.President and man.Mactweed, Sandy.Scotch actor of some note.Mary, Bloody.Queen of England.Mettlethorp, Rupert.Compiler of "Asiatic Soldiery" (23 vols.).Mills-Tweeper, Senator.Famed for hideousness, but kind-hearted and a great insect lover.Mortlake, Joshua.Explorer and discoverer of the Rude Islands.Pidd, Henry.Severe dramatic critic—English.Pipper, Herman."Poor Puffwater,—A Brown Study."Pligger, Steve Montespan."The Fall of a Bloated Aristocrat," "Crab Apples," "Deadly Nightshade," "Don't Tell Aunt Hester," "Under the Moon, or Revels by a Dutch Canal," "America From Behind"; Books of Verse: "Adown the Ganges," "The First Primrose," "Pussy, Pussy, Lap Your Milk" and "Raspberry Time."Plinge, Bobbie.Killed during Red Indian foray by Great Brown Spratt.Plinge, Miles.Unitarian minister in Red Lamp District, Honolulu.Plugg, Henry.One time candidate for the Presidency, subsequently successful bee-farmer.Polata, Jose.Professor—Spanish. Author of "From Girl to Woman," "Spanish Olives, and How," etc., etc.Poliolioli, Giuseppe.Author of "Women of Italy" and "Nelly of Naples," a musical comedy of the period.Pricklebott, Harvey.Editor of "Art in the Home" and "Mother Week by Week."Proon, Bernard.Well-known speaker, intimate friend of Roosevelt's brother-in-law.Punter, Augustus.Seventeenth century painter, famous for "Sarah, Lady Tunnell-Penge, with Dog," "Gravesend by Night," and various crayon portraits, notably "A Merry Girl" and "The Drowsy Sentry."Roosevelt, Theodore.Man and President.Rotepillar, Peter.Friend of Henry Plugg and author and compiler of "Algebra with Many a Laugh!"Rousseau, Jean Jacques.French writer of some note. See Carlyle's "French Revolution."Schnotter, Fritz.German actor, sixteenth century.Sheepmeadow, Edgar.English writer—author of "Beds and their Inmates" (18 vols.), "The Corn Chandler," "Women Large and Women Small" (10 vols.).Soddle, O'Callaghan.Gentleman architect of the XIXth century.Spratt, Great Brown.Indian of the period.Stowe, Harriet Beecher.Author of "Uncle Tom's Cabin."Sumplethock, Ex-president.Spaniel trainer and "raconteur."Tadski, Serge.Early, fairly. Russian. Author and compiler of the following: "Russian Realism," "Natural Mammals of the Steppes," "Flora and Fauna of Siberia," etc., and light verse.Throtch, Esther.Well-known XXth century "literateur."Tossele, Yvonne, Mme.First female mezzotinter of the Revolutionary Era.Trott, Eagle.Mate and pal of Joshua Mortlake.Turpin, Dick.Highwayman—English. Inventor of straw sun hats for hot horses.Udey, General.Congenital idiot of the XIXth century (and very mean).Veaux, Paul.Art critic—Paris.Veigel, Herman.German poet—famous for "Twilight Fancies," "There was a Garden," and "Collected Poems, including 'The Ballad of Crazy Bertha.'"Volauvent, Armand.Art critic—Paris.Voltaire(Christian name unknown). Old writer—French.Waffle, Raymond.Georgian writer. Author of "Our Dogs," "Canine Cameos," and "Pretty Rover, the Story of a Boarhound."Weedhein, H."Columbia, Beware!" (8 vols.).

Baloona, Enrique.Artist anddilettante, famous for his "Portrait of Isabella Angelica," "Spanish Peaks," and "Half-Caste Child with Orange."

Ben-Hepple, Nicholas.Eighteenth century historian. Author of "Julie de Poopinac" (17 vols.).

Bloodworthy, Stephen.Author of "International Beauties," "Then and Now," and "Now and Then."

Bogtoe, Douglas.Company promoter and basket-work expert.

Bonk, Dorothy.First cousin to Rupert Plinge—incidentally the first New England girl to say "Gosh!"

Boo, A. Ranville.Celebrated XIXth century sanitary inspector.

Bottiburgen, Hans Von.Science master, Munich College. Author of "Our Women," "Do Actresses Mind Much?" and "Life of Fritz Schnotter" (3 vols.).

Bottle, Elizabeth.Adapter and translator of several works of the period.

Bovine, Gustave.Author of "French without Tears" and "Vive les Vacances," etc.

Bowles, Earl. "Intellects of the Hour," "Cheese Cookery in All Its Branches."

Bramp, B. F."America in Sunshine and Shadow," "Pinafore Days."

Bramp, Norman.Author of "Up and Away," "Reynard, the Story of a Fox," "Tantivoy," and "Female Influence and Why?" (5 vols.).

Brampenrich, Fritz.German historian.

Brattlevitch, Boris.Russian author. Books: "War and Why," "Women of Russia." Several good cooking recipes.

Bug, Reginald.Actor—occasional property man. Parts he played: "Romeo," "Bottom," "Third Guest" in "The Berlin Girl," "Norman" in "Oh, Charles—a Satire on the Massacre of Saint Bartholomew," and others. Hobbies: Cup-and-ball, tilting, and fretwork.

Burdle, Hans.Bulgarian author; Works: "Set Sail Ahoy," "Abaft," "Belay," etc.

Caballero, Basta.Actor and founder of Shakespearean Theatre in Barcelona.

Campanele, Vittorio.Florentine engraver, "Early Portrait of Bianca di Pianno-Forti," "Raised Pansies on China Plaque," etc.

Campbell, Olaf.Keen angler and piscatorial expert.

Carlini, Angelo.Italian actor—formerly plumber during the Renaissance.

Chaddle, Esmé.Daughter of Avery Chaddle, and subsequently Mrs. J. D. Spout.

Chaffinch, Alexander.Second cousin to Rupert Plinge; second man to say "Gee!" in Virginia.

Chuggski, Dimitri.Russian actor.

Coddle, Humphrey.Artist, well known for his "Cows Grazing outside Dover," "Playmates," and "Daddy's Darling."

Cronk, Oswald, Bart.Painter of "Madcap Moll, Eighth Duchess of Wapping," "Pine Trees near Ascot," and "Esther Lollop as 'Cymbeline.'"

Dentifrice, Pierre.Actor—French (early).

Dugaz, Pierre.Court chiropodist, seventeenth century. Author of "Feet and Fashion," "The Valley of Waving Corns," etc.

Earwhacker, Caesar.Owner of Old World Bicycle Shed.

Fibinio, Pietro.Italian—author of "Bianca," "God Bless the Pope," etc.

Floop, Richard."Spout, the Man" (3 vols.); "The Girls of Marley Manor" and "Janet's Prank."

Follygob, Alan. English Dramatic Critic. Clubs: "The Union Jack" and "The What-Ho" in Jermyn Street.

Fortescue, Ex-Senator. Celebrated for eloping with Rupert Plinge's Auntie Gracie.

Frapple, Ernest. "Amy Snurge, A Grand Woman" (2 vols.) and a political satire, "Don't Vote Till Tuesday!"

Furch, Professor, "With Dusky Friends" and "Where Palm Trees Sway."

Gerphipps, Ronald. Very old Scotch painter—famous for "Portrait of Maggie McWhistle," "Evening on Loch Lomond," and "Glasgow, my Glasgow!"

Goethe. Obscure German author. Suspected of having written "Faust."

Goodge, Albert. Friend of Nicholas Kewee.

Grobmeyer, Carl. Early German etcher.

Grundelheim, Paul. German author and historian. Principal works: "Toilers who have Toiled," "Women of Wurtemburg," and "Byways of the Black Forest."

Hooter, Freddie. Renowned for physical appearance but flat feet.

Hosper, Sholto Z."Jake the Climber" (7 vols.) and "Diet or Die."

Kayrille, Siegfried.Born in Berlin, 1670. Disappointed playwright, and subsequent art critic.

Kewee, Nicholas.Friend of Albert Goodge.

Klick, Nicholas.Russian—author of "Life of Anna Podd" (6 vols.), and "Was Ivan Terrible?"

Kump, H. Mackenzie.Keen philanthropist and insatiable globe-trotter.

Lincoln, Abraham.President and man.

Mactweed, Sandy.Scotch actor of some note.

Mary, Bloody.Queen of England.

Mettlethorp, Rupert.Compiler of "Asiatic Soldiery" (23 vols.).

Mills-Tweeper, Senator.Famed for hideousness, but kind-hearted and a great insect lover.

Mortlake, Joshua.Explorer and discoverer of the Rude Islands.

Pidd, Henry.Severe dramatic critic—English.

Pipper, Herman."Poor Puffwater,—A Brown Study."

Pligger, Steve Montespan."The Fall of a Bloated Aristocrat," "Crab Apples," "Deadly Nightshade," "Don't Tell Aunt Hester," "Under the Moon, or Revels by a Dutch Canal," "America From Behind"; Books of Verse: "Adown the Ganges," "The First Primrose," "Pussy, Pussy, Lap Your Milk" and "Raspberry Time."

Plinge, Bobbie.Killed during Red Indian foray by Great Brown Spratt.

Plinge, Miles.Unitarian minister in Red Lamp District, Honolulu.

Plugg, Henry.One time candidate for the Presidency, subsequently successful bee-farmer.

Polata, Jose.Professor—Spanish. Author of "From Girl to Woman," "Spanish Olives, and How," etc., etc.

Poliolioli, Giuseppe.Author of "Women of Italy" and "Nelly of Naples," a musical comedy of the period.

Pricklebott, Harvey.Editor of "Art in the Home" and "Mother Week by Week."

Proon, Bernard.Well-known speaker, intimate friend of Roosevelt's brother-in-law.

Punter, Augustus.Seventeenth century painter, famous for "Sarah, Lady Tunnell-Penge, with Dog," "Gravesend by Night," and various crayon portraits, notably "A Merry Girl" and "The Drowsy Sentry."

Roosevelt, Theodore.Man and President.

Rotepillar, Peter.Friend of Henry Plugg and author and compiler of "Algebra with Many a Laugh!"

Rousseau, Jean Jacques.French writer of some note. See Carlyle's "French Revolution."

Schnotter, Fritz.German actor, sixteenth century.

Sheepmeadow, Edgar.English writer—author of "Beds and their Inmates" (18 vols.), "The Corn Chandler," "Women Large and Women Small" (10 vols.).

Soddle, O'Callaghan.Gentleman architect of the XIXth century.

Spratt, Great Brown.Indian of the period.

Stowe, Harriet Beecher.Author of "Uncle Tom's Cabin."

Sumplethock, Ex-president.Spaniel trainer and "raconteur."

Tadski, Serge.Early, fairly. Russian. Author and compiler of the following: "Russian Realism," "Natural Mammals of the Steppes," "Flora and Fauna of Siberia," etc., and light verse.

Throtch, Esther.Well-known XXth century "literateur."

Tossele, Yvonne, Mme.First female mezzotinter of the Revolutionary Era.

Trott, Eagle.Mate and pal of Joshua Mortlake.

Turpin, Dick.Highwayman—English. Inventor of straw sun hats for hot horses.

Udey, General.Congenital idiot of the XIXth century (and very mean).

Veaux, Paul.Art critic—Paris.

Veigel, Herman.German poet—famous for "Twilight Fancies," "There was a Garden," and "Collected Poems, including 'The Ballad of Crazy Bertha.'"

Volauvent, Armand.Art critic—Paris.

Voltaire(Christian name unknown). Old writer—French.

Waffle, Raymond.Georgian writer. Author of "Our Dogs," "Canine Cameos," and "Pretty Rover, the Story of a Boarhound."

Weedhein, H."Columbia, Beware!" (8 vols.).

Clagmouth Chronicle: "A book to be taken up and put down again."East Bromley Advertiser: "This is a book!"The Girls' Globe: "Every young girl should read this."Doctor ChevalinAdvice to a Mother: "No bedside table is complete without 'Terribly Intimate Portraits.'"Joe BogworthinCapital and Laboursays: "This book is perhaps the greatest power for good or evil in democratic England or aristocratic America either, for that matter. Though obviously the work of a thinker, should it by any chance fall into the wrong hands it would go far towards undermining not only the League of Nations, but the London County Council to boot!"Aunt HildainFireside Funsays: "Darling chicks, get your mumsie to buy you 'Terribly Intimate Portraits' for your birthday."Lady Minerva StuffeinUndieswrites: "Well-dressed women will eagerly peruse these fascinating memoirs."The Playing Field: "'Chaps'! Read this book."The Political Gazette: "Well done, Noel Coward! Bravo, Lorn Macnaughtan!"Herr von GrobinThe Austrian Tyrol: "Gott in Himmel!"Chicken Chat: "I advise keen poultry keepers to buy and read 'Terribly Intimate Portraits.'"Cri de Paris: "Ce livre n'est pas seulement stupide, mais c'est excessivement irritant, et absolument sans humeur." (Translation: "This book is not only charming, but it is excessively entertaining and brilliantly humorous.")Claybank Courier: "Once read—never forgotten."Wigan World: "Splendid for those just learning to read."Boxing Weekly: "Dam' good!"

Clagmouth Chronicle: "A book to be taken up and put down again."

East Bromley Advertiser: "This is a book!"

The Girls' Globe: "Every young girl should read this."

Doctor ChevalinAdvice to a Mother: "No bedside table is complete without 'Terribly Intimate Portraits.'"

Joe BogworthinCapital and Laboursays: "This book is perhaps the greatest power for good or evil in democratic England or aristocratic America either, for that matter. Though obviously the work of a thinker, should it by any chance fall into the wrong hands it would go far towards undermining not only the League of Nations, but the London County Council to boot!"

Aunt HildainFireside Funsays: "Darling chicks, get your mumsie to buy you 'Terribly Intimate Portraits' for your birthday."

Lady Minerva StuffeinUndieswrites: "Well-dressed women will eagerly peruse these fascinating memoirs."

The Playing Field: "'Chaps'! Read this book."

The Political Gazette: "Well done, Noel Coward! Bravo, Lorn Macnaughtan!"

Herr von GrobinThe Austrian Tyrol: "Gott in Himmel!"

Chicken Chat: "I advise keen poultry keepers to buy and read 'Terribly Intimate Portraits.'"

Cri de Paris: "Ce livre n'est pas seulement stupide, mais c'est excessivement irritant, et absolument sans humeur." (Translation: "This book is not only charming, but it is excessively entertaining and brilliantly humorous.")

Claybank Courier: "Once read—never forgotten."

Wigan World: "Splendid for those just learning to read."

Boxing Weekly: "Dam' good!"

Vanity Fair: "A book for ladies and gentlemen."New York Times: "This book treats a delicate theme in the most indelicate fashion possible."The Dial: "The parabolics are unevenly balanced."George Jean Nathan: "Eugene O'Neill remains our only dramatist."Life: "Noel Coward's first and best book."Paper Trade Journal: "The sulphite used in the paper of 'Terribly Intimate Portraits' is of excellent quality."Judge: "Two hundred and twelve pages."Review of Reviews: "Some of it is better than the rest."The World: "H. the 3d says that this book makes better paper dolls than any he has read for a long time."

Vanity Fair: "A book for ladies and gentlemen."

New York Times: "This book treats a delicate theme in the most indelicate fashion possible."

The Dial: "The parabolics are unevenly balanced."

George Jean Nathan: "Eugene O'Neill remains our only dramatist."

Life: "Noel Coward's first and best book."

Paper Trade Journal: "The sulphite used in the paper of 'Terribly Intimate Portraits' is of excellent quality."

Judge: "Two hundred and twelve pages."

Review of Reviews: "Some of it is better than the rest."

The World: "H. the 3d says that this book makes better paper dolls than any he has read for a long time."

FOOTNOTES:[1]Famous for being the means of introducing hornless cattle into the Gironde.[2]Nicholas Ben-Hepple declares that he married her solely on account of her "dot"![3]The extracts here quoted translated by Elizabeth Bottle.[4]Lord Edmunde Budde married the notorious Gertrude Pippin: see "Family Failings," by Bloody Mary.[5]See Norman Bramp's "Female Influence, and Why," Vol. V.[6]It has never yet been ascertained exactly why Madcap Moll rode to Norwich, but many conjectures have been hazarded.[7]Poliolioli contends that there were five hundred and eighty-five guests. This, I think, may be treated as a moot point.[8]October 14th. Poliolioli contests that it was the 17th, but this, I venture to say, is even a "mooter" point than the other.[9]ExcavatedB.C.8.[10]Periodicals:—"The Corn Chandler," by Sheepmeadow; "Sidelights on the Salic Law," Anonymous; "The Stage versus the Church," edited alternately by Nell Gwyn and the Archbishop of Canterbury.[11]Two years before Punter's portrait.[12]"Beds and their Inmates," Vol. III., by Edgar Sheepmeadow (18 vols).[13]These are all in the Brighton Aquarium.[14]At Pragg Castle, near Hull.[15]See Sheepmeadow's "Heroines and their Diseases."[16]Von Bottiburgen, science master at the Munich College, author and compiler of the following:—"Our Women"; "Do Actresses Mind Much?"; "Life of Fritz Schnotter."[17]For example, "Spout the Man," 3 vols.—Richard Floop; "Jake the Climber," 7 vols.—Sholto Z. Hosper.[18]"Fruit as a Decoration," "With Shaggy Four Legged Playmates" and "Bhuddism as Opposed to Electricity."[19]Spanish equivalent to "tag" or "he."[20]Bolawalla—Spanish equivalent for "mullet."[21]Bloodworthy says: "It was her fond boast that she never hid him in the same tree twice."[22]Bloodworthy, in telling the story, says that only one tear fell; but Bloodworthy, brilliant recorder as he was, was occasionally prejudiced.[23]The reproduction on page 134 from the celebrated picture by Gerphipps—in oils at the National Gallery, in water colour at the Tate Gallery, and in Paripan at the Edinburgh Art Museum.[24]The picture represents Maggie at the end of the second week.[25]Except on one occasion. For particulars, see Boris Brattlevitch's "Women of Russia."[26]According to Mettlethorp's "Asiatic Soldiery," Vol. VII.[27]See Tadski's "Natural Mammals of the Steppes."[28]During the celebrated rising in 1682.[29]For full reference, see Dulwich Library—'buses Nos. 48 and 75 and L.C.C. trams; change at Camberwell Green.

[1]Famous for being the means of introducing hornless cattle into the Gironde.

[2]Nicholas Ben-Hepple declares that he married her solely on account of her "dot"!

[3]The extracts here quoted translated by Elizabeth Bottle.

[4]Lord Edmunde Budde married the notorious Gertrude Pippin: see "Family Failings," by Bloody Mary.

[5]See Norman Bramp's "Female Influence, and Why," Vol. V.

[6]It has never yet been ascertained exactly why Madcap Moll rode to Norwich, but many conjectures have been hazarded.

[7]Poliolioli contends that there were five hundred and eighty-five guests. This, I think, may be treated as a moot point.

[8]October 14th. Poliolioli contests that it was the 17th, but this, I venture to say, is even a "mooter" point than the other.

[9]ExcavatedB.C.8.

[10]Periodicals:—"The Corn Chandler," by Sheepmeadow; "Sidelights on the Salic Law," Anonymous; "The Stage versus the Church," edited alternately by Nell Gwyn and the Archbishop of Canterbury.

[11]Two years before Punter's portrait.

[12]"Beds and their Inmates," Vol. III., by Edgar Sheepmeadow (18 vols).

[13]These are all in the Brighton Aquarium.

[14]At Pragg Castle, near Hull.

[15]See Sheepmeadow's "Heroines and their Diseases."

[16]Von Bottiburgen, science master at the Munich College, author and compiler of the following:—"Our Women"; "Do Actresses Mind Much?"; "Life of Fritz Schnotter."

[17]For example, "Spout the Man," 3 vols.—Richard Floop; "Jake the Climber," 7 vols.—Sholto Z. Hosper.

[18]"Fruit as a Decoration," "With Shaggy Four Legged Playmates" and "Bhuddism as Opposed to Electricity."

[19]Spanish equivalent to "tag" or "he."

[20]Bolawalla—Spanish equivalent for "mullet."

[21]Bloodworthy says: "It was her fond boast that she never hid him in the same tree twice."

[22]Bloodworthy, in telling the story, says that only one tear fell; but Bloodworthy, brilliant recorder as he was, was occasionally prejudiced.

[23]The reproduction on page 134 from the celebrated picture by Gerphipps—in oils at the National Gallery, in water colour at the Tate Gallery, and in Paripan at the Edinburgh Art Museum.

[24]The picture represents Maggie at the end of the second week.

[25]Except on one occasion. For particulars, see Boris Brattlevitch's "Women of Russia."

[26]According to Mettlethorp's "Asiatic Soldiery," Vol. VII.

[27]See Tadski's "Natural Mammals of the Steppes."

[28]During the celebrated rising in 1682.

[29]For full reference, see Dulwich Library—'buses Nos. 48 and 75 and L.C.C. trams; change at Camberwell Green.

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