XIV

Teixeira continued to live at Ventnor until the beginning of May, with spirits, health and powers of work all steadily improving. He returned to London in time to welcome Couperus, who arrived in the middle of the month and was entertained privately and publicly for five or six weeks.

I don’t know exactly when you’ll be back,he writes, 11.3.21, but I welcome you home with all my heart ... and with an S.O.S.The title of[Couperus’]The Inevitable[20]has been forestalled, in a novel publishing with Holden & Harlingham. And I want another good title in a hurry. Can you help me?There is always:Cornélie.Wilkie Collins would have called it:Could She Do Otherwise?George Egerton would have said:The Woman Who Went Back.(But that’s giving the solution away too soon).Is there a possible title with “Doom” or “Fate” in it?Henry James:How Cornélie Ended.Stephen McKenna:The Reluctant Plover.George Robey:Did She Fall or Was She Pushed?The Bible:(unquotable)Tex:Anything on the Wilkie Collins lines overleaf.The Lure of Fate.Could She Avoid It?It Had To Be.And, as I said, there’s always:Cornélie....

I don’t know exactly when you’ll be back,he writes, 11.3.21, but I welcome you home with all my heart ... and with an S.O.S.

The title of[Couperus’]The Inevitable[20]has been forestalled, in a novel publishing with Holden & Harlingham. And I want another good title in a hurry. Can you help me?

There is always:

Cornélie.

Wilkie Collins would have called it:

Could She Do Otherwise?

George Egerton would have said:

The Woman Who Went Back.

(But that’s giving the solution away too soon).

Is there a possible title with “Doom” or “Fate” in it?

Henry James:

How Cornélie Ended.

Stephen McKenna:

The Reluctant Plover.

George Robey:

Did She Fall or Was She Pushed?

The Bible:

(unquotable)

Tex:

Anything on the Wilkie Collins lines overleaf.The Lure of Fate.Could She Avoid It?It Had To Be.

Anything on the Wilkie Collins lines overleaf.

The Lure of Fate.

Could She Avoid It?

It Had To Be.

And, as I said, there’s always:

Cornélie....

Welcome home, my dear Stephen,he writes, 19.3.21....I look forward, with pleasure, to receiving your diary and soon you may look backward, with disgust, to having received mine.My health has made very reasonable progress and my wife is exceedingly well. Frank Dodd visits us for two days on Thursday: how we shall be after that ... well, howshallwe be after that?...

Welcome home, my dear Stephen,he writes, 19.3.21....

I look forward, with pleasure, to receiving your diary and soon you may look backward, with disgust, to having received mine.

My health has made very reasonable progress and my wife is exceedingly well. Frank Dodd visits us for two days on Thursday: how we shall be after that ... well, howshallwe be after that?...

On 27.3.21 he writes:

Dodd arrived on Thursday: I say, he arrived. He arrived by travelling from London to Southhampton in a luggage-van with a first-class ticket (what’s the penalty for that?); by running his boat into the mud 10 minutes from Cowes; by missing his connection; by changing at Ryde; and by repeating his offence “thence” and “hither”:i.e.travelling with the same ticket in a second luggage-van. At 9 p.m. he arrived, greeting me with the words:“I’ve had nothing to eat since breakfast.”You should have seen the poor fellow torn between two longings, with a plateful of soup before him while waiting for a Ventnor cocktail, consisting of 98% Plymouth gin and 2% orange bitters.We motored him on Friday to Blackgang, to Chale, to Carisbrooke, to Newport, to Brading,to Bembridge, to Sandown, to Shanklin and back. Having already familiarized himself with Cowes and Ryde, he declared that he had now seen every city in the Isle of Wight except Freshwater.I lay low about Yarmouth, but yesterday I walked him back from Bonchurch, after my doctor had motored us “thither.”We did a lot of talking in between, but he did not sap my vitality.... He left after tea for France,viaSouthhampton and Havre; and I was able to sit up, take nourishment and even stand and watch a ball-room full of people dance Lent out on what the festive programme called “Easter Saturday”: Christians, you may or may not be aware, call it Holy Saturday....

“I’ve had nothing to eat since breakfast.”

You should have seen the poor fellow torn between two longings, with a plateful of soup before him while waiting for a Ventnor cocktail, consisting of 98% Plymouth gin and 2% orange bitters.

We motored him on Friday to Blackgang, to Chale, to Carisbrooke, to Newport, to Brading,to Bembridge, to Sandown, to Shanklin and back. Having already familiarized himself with Cowes and Ryde, he declared that he had now seen every city in the Isle of Wight except Freshwater.

I lay low about Yarmouth, but yesterday I walked him back from Bonchurch, after my doctor had motored us “thither.”

We did a lot of talking in between, but he did not sap my vitality.... He left after tea for France,viaSouthhampton and Havre; and I was able to sit up, take nourishment and even stand and watch a ball-room full of people dance Lent out on what the festive programme called “Easter Saturday”: Christians, you may or may not be aware, call it Holy Saturday....

And on 31.3.21:

... I booked a seat on a four-in-hand this morning to go to certain point-to-point races; cancelled it; received an invitation from my young doctor to take me there in his car; declined it, feeling too weak and sulphurous.... I have a leg, like Sir Willoughby what’s-his-name; but this leg is covered with patterns (Sir Willoughby Patterne, was it?) and to cure it I am covered and lined with brimstone. It is not curing; and I am just tempersome, that’s all....

In answer to my question what he wouldlike for a birthday present, he replies, 3.4.21:

This is one of the days on which I feel like nothing on earth. Yet I must answer your three letters to the best of my enfeebled power.... I want aCatholic DictionaryorDrummond’sLife of Erasmusora second-hand copy of either will be quite acceptable: the second is an old book and probably out of print.five fumable cigars “from stock”; but a present I must have because I am working a stunt about the immense number of birthday gifts which I am sure of receiving. The Cleveland Club is being canvassed with this intent and the members urged to make canvass-backed ducks and drakes of their money: oh, how like nothing on earth I feel after being brought to bed of this joke! I am to have a cake with 56 candles in it from my doctor’s wife, which her name is Phyllis Twigg; so let no one send me an other. If I ate more than 56 candles at my age, I should have to go in cossack-cloth and ashes for the rest of my life; oh, like nothing on earth, Stephen, like nothing on earth!...

This is one of the days on which I feel like nothing on earth. Yet I must answer your three letters to the best of my enfeebled power.... I want aCatholic Dictionary

Drummond’sLife of Erasmus

a second-hand copy of either will be quite acceptable: the second is an old book and probably out of print.

five fumable cigars “from stock”; but a present I must have because I am working a stunt about the immense number of birthday gifts which I am sure of receiving. The Cleveland Club is being canvassed with this intent and the members urged to make canvass-backed ducks and drakes of their money: oh, how like nothing on earth I feel after being brought to bed of this joke! I am to have a cake with 56 candles in it from my doctor’s wife, which her name is Phyllis Twigg; so let no one send me an other. If I ate more than 56 candles at my age, I should have to go in cossack-cloth and ashes for the rest of my life; oh, like nothing on earth, Stephen, like nothing on earth!...

The acknowledgement of the birthday present had to be delayed while Teixeira described his effort to observe an eclipse:

I ordered a pail and some water (“and let the water be inside the pail”) to be placed on the lawn this morning, so that I might observe the eclipse of the sun. The eclipse was over before I got down; as the pail was bright white that made no difference. Things looked very uncanny from my bedroom window and I tried to tremble like a Red Indian: they tremble, as you know, like Red Indianything....

It was written on the morrow of his birthday, 10.4.21:

Many thanks for your letter of the 8th, for your good wishes and for a nobleCatholic Dictionary, with which I was mightily pleased. It will be of great value to me if I live (a) to editThe Autumn of the Middle Ages, by Huisinga and (b) to translate The Land of Rembrand, by Busken Huet, two monumental tasks which I have been discussing with Dodd....You have presumably boughtQueen Victoria, by the side of whichEminent Victoriansis quite a dull book. And I read that, on Friday last,eight gentleman were seen sitting in a row in Kensington Gardens, all reading Strachey’s book. If, however K. G. were closed to the public on Friday, then the story is mythical....Your birthday-stunt worked wonders. Miracles never cease: R—— sent me an Omar Khayyam! R. a round or circular photograph-frame of a precious metal known as silver. N. F. 25 cigars of the por Laranaga flavor. B. 50 of the flavour known as Romeo y Julieta. P. 100 cigarettes of the snake-charming flavour, which, being manufactured from the finest high-grade selected Turkish leaf tobacco, must be exchanged for the cigarettes of Ole Virginny when I am next in hail of one of Messrs. Salmon & Gladstone’s famous establishments.This exhausts your list. Over and above these gifts, I received from S. an Umps,i.e.a biscuit-ware naked doll, with wings, practicable arms and a heart in the right, non-commital place, in the middle of its chest. Also, a neat black and grey tie. From Mrs. H. a tie.... From my wiff a tie and a pair of mittens, for elderly early-morning wear. From the manageress of the hotel, a knitted canary waistcoat with sapphire buttons to cover the nudity of the Umps. From an anonymous admirer, a smaller naked doll, made, I venture to think, of celluloid-georgette. Froma lady staying at the hotel, a box of Sainsbury’s chocolates, which are the most toothsome in the world. From G. H., aged 80, and F., his wife, age 75, a box of other chocolates, and 50 De Reske cigarettes. From A. T., aged 6, bought with her own money, a bottle of ink and a ball of twine. From her mother, P. T., neé McKenna—nay, Mackenzie—two blue-bird electric-light shades.The T’s, who belong to my local doctor, in the proportion of one wife and one daughter, also gave me a birthday party. To meet me were invited Dr. C., Dr. F., and Captain Cave-Brown-Cave. It opened with an ode or oratorio about fairies and happiness, intoned by Anne and Dr. C. to an accompaniment by Mrs. T. Then Anne put her arms round my neck, embraced me tenderly and told me not to mind what Mrs. Teixeira said about my touting for presents: Mrs. Teixeira didn’t mean it, couldn’t mean it; and Anne didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. With the tears streaming down the knees of my cashmere trouserings, I was led in to tea to see my name spelt in letter-biscuits and my birthday-cake surrounded by 56 pink, green, white and red candles. Then we played bridge and I won eight shillings. And I doubt if Queen Victoria ever described a birthday more fully.No, she would not have forgotten, as I nearly forgot, that F. E. W. also sent me a tie....

You have presumably boughtQueen Victoria, by the side of whichEminent Victoriansis quite a dull book. And I read that, on Friday last,eight gentleman were seen sitting in a row in Kensington Gardens, all reading Strachey’s book. If, however K. G. were closed to the public on Friday, then the story is mythical....

Your birthday-stunt worked wonders. Miracles never cease: R—— sent me an Omar Khayyam! R. a round or circular photograph-frame of a precious metal known as silver. N. F. 25 cigars of the por Laranaga flavor. B. 50 of the flavour known as Romeo y Julieta. P. 100 cigarettes of the snake-charming flavour, which, being manufactured from the finest high-grade selected Turkish leaf tobacco, must be exchanged for the cigarettes of Ole Virginny when I am next in hail of one of Messrs. Salmon & Gladstone’s famous establishments.

This exhausts your list. Over and above these gifts, I received from S. an Umps,i.e.a biscuit-ware naked doll, with wings, practicable arms and a heart in the right, non-commital place, in the middle of its chest. Also, a neat black and grey tie. From Mrs. H. a tie.... From my wiff a tie and a pair of mittens, for elderly early-morning wear. From the manageress of the hotel, a knitted canary waistcoat with sapphire buttons to cover the nudity of the Umps. From an anonymous admirer, a smaller naked doll, made, I venture to think, of celluloid-georgette. Froma lady staying at the hotel, a box of Sainsbury’s chocolates, which are the most toothsome in the world. From G. H., aged 80, and F., his wife, age 75, a box of other chocolates, and 50 De Reske cigarettes. From A. T., aged 6, bought with her own money, a bottle of ink and a ball of twine. From her mother, P. T., neé McKenna—nay, Mackenzie—two blue-bird electric-light shades.

The T’s, who belong to my local doctor, in the proportion of one wife and one daughter, also gave me a birthday party. To meet me were invited Dr. C., Dr. F., and Captain Cave-Brown-Cave. It opened with an ode or oratorio about fairies and happiness, intoned by Anne and Dr. C. to an accompaniment by Mrs. T. Then Anne put her arms round my neck, embraced me tenderly and told me not to mind what Mrs. Teixeira said about my touting for presents: Mrs. Teixeira didn’t mean it, couldn’t mean it; and Anne didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. With the tears streaming down the knees of my cashmere trouserings, I was led in to tea to see my name spelt in letter-biscuits and my birthday-cake surrounded by 56 pink, green, white and red candles. Then we played bridge and I won eight shillings. And I doubt if Queen Victoria ever described a birthday more fully.

No, she would not have forgotten, as I nearly forgot, that F. E. W. also sent me a tie....

In the middle of the month, Teixeira began to make preparations, for his return:

Should you happen,he writes, 14.4.21, to buy a steam-yacht, in addition to a motor-car, before the 5th of May, you might send her for us: we would as soon travel that way, land at the Temple stairs and lunch with you while the yacht takes our luggage up-river to Chelsea....

You have evidently misunderstood my motives in deciding to buy a car,I began to explain.

Get a neat, unobstrusive disk with “Hackney Carriage” fitted to it,he interposed: you can make a tidy income out of your car then, when the Muse (should I say the Garage?) fails you.

... If,he writes, 19.4.21, you have not blewed or blued (which is it?) your last fiver, consider whether your library is really complete without the Greville Memoirs. Strachey’s book will probably have set you lusting for them.They contain the original story about “speaking disrespectfully of the Equator.”...I send you the second edition of Harris’ life of Oscar. You have already read the first edition.But you will like to see such things, if any, in the appendix as may be new and certainly Shaw’s contribution to the end....

They contain the original story about “speaking disrespectfully of the Equator.”...

I send you the second edition of Harris’ life of Oscar. You have already read the first edition.But you will like to see such things, if any, in the appendix as may be new and certainly Shaw’s contribution to the end....

I had the misfortune to offend Teixeira by quoting a passage from Sir James Frazer’sGolden Bough:

I save my temper,he writes, 22.4.21, by not discussing religion except with Catholics or politics except with liberals. There’s room for discussion in thenuances, there’s too much room for it with those who call my black white. I never dispute the goodness of certain infidels nor the wickedness of many of the faithful. What I hate is the smug-smiling affectation of superiority displayed by the agnostics....Huxley I have proved guilty—at least to my own satisfaction—of intellectual dishonesty and financial turpitude; of Frazer I know nothing whatever. I vaguely pictured him as one of several distinguished compilers of whom I knew nothing; that beastly quotation at the head of one of your chapters came as a great shock to me, which grew into a very cataclysm when I found it followed by another and a longer one.I won’t call you an Englishman again. But itis funny that you can’t write about yourself without going into the matter of what you think or do not think about religion....

Huxley I have proved guilty—at least to my own satisfaction—of intellectual dishonesty and financial turpitude; of Frazer I know nothing whatever. I vaguely pictured him as one of several distinguished compilers of whom I knew nothing; that beastly quotation at the head of one of your chapters came as a great shock to me, which grew into a very cataclysm when I found it followed by another and a longer one.

I won’t call you an Englishman again. But itis funny that you can’t write about yourself without going into the matter of what you think or do not think about religion....

I forgot to tell you,he writes, 24.4.21, that I received y’day, from Jack Tennant, from a house with an improbable name, in a Scotch county which I had never heard of (Morayshire), a salmon—the whole bird—weighing 7½ lbs. and measuring somewhere about 7½ feet. I distributed 3 lbs. to my doctor and 3 lbs. to the heir presumptive to the Cave-Brown-Cave baronetcy (with apologies for the radical source of the gift). My wiff and I ate 3 oz. of it to our dinner; and the remainder was consumed by the manageress, the bookkeeper and housekeeper of the Royal Hotel....

Ten days later his preparations were complete.

Unless I ring you up at 11, on Friday,he writes, 3.5.21, I will be with you at 11, as suggested in your letter—the morning is still my best time—and lunch at the club.

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