Mrs. Upjohn.
’Eaps of ’em, ain’t there?
Roper.
Jerking his head towards the writing-table.Yes, and some nice presents over here.
Mrs. Upjohn.
She’s beat ’er record this year, Lil ’as, out an’ out.
Jeyesgoes to the writing-table andRoperandMrs. Upjohnrise and wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee by the piano.
Jeyes.
Scowling at the presents.Very nice.Picking up a case of jewellery.Ve-ry nice.Throwing the case down angrily.Confound ’em, what the devil do they take her for!
Roper.
At the entrance to the conservatory.I may remark that one of those gifts is fromme, Jeyes.
Jeyes.
Oh, I’m not alluding toyou.
Roper.
Stiffly.Much obliged.
Jeyes.
Coming forward and addressingMrs. Upjohn.I’ve called in to ask Lily whether she’ll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani’s, to celebrate her birthday. Luigi’s decorating a table for me specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne’ll come, and Jack Wethered.ToRoper.Are you free, Roper?Mrs. Upjohnsits uneasily on the settee by the piano andRoperfinds some object to interest him near the tea-table.I suppose it’s no good askingyou, Mrs. Upjohn?
Mrs. Upjohn.
N-n-o, thank you, Captain, andI—I’mafraid——
Jeyes.
Afraid——?
Mrs. Upjohn.
I’m afraid Lil can’t manage it either.
Jeyes.
Why not?
Mrs. Upjohn.
I—I’m surprised she didn’t mention it to you ’erself when you brought ’er ’ome last night.
Jeyes.
Mention what?
Mrs. Upjohn.
They’re givin’ ’er a supper to-night at the theatre.
Jeyes.
The theatre?
Roper.
Advancing.Yes, Carlton’s standing a little spreadin the foyer, in honour of the occasion.Sitting at the tea-table.Quite right too; she’shisbest asset, and chance it.
Jeyes.
When was it fixed up?
Roper.
Late last night.
Jeyes.
The fact is, Lily and I had a slight tiff coming home last night.Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table.Ha! I suppose she kept it from me to pay me out.Sharply.Who’s invited?
Roper.
Er—only the principal members of the Company, I understand.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Moistening her lips with her tongue.Yes, only the members of the Company, Lil says.
Roper.
With Morrie Cooling and Vincent Bland thrown in.
Jeyes.
Looking atRoper.Youseem to know a lot about it, Roper.
Roper.
I was behind when Morrie was going round to the dressing-rooms.
Jeyes.
ToRoper, suspiciously.Areyouasked?
Roper.
Taken aback.E—eh?
Jeyes.
Areyouasked?
Roper.
With an attempt at airiness.Oh, yes, they’ve dragged me into it.
Jeyes.
Since when haveyoubeen a member of the Company?
Roper.
No, but—dash it, I’ve done business for Carlton in the City for twenty years or more——!
Jeyes.
That doesn’t make you one.
Roper.
And I’m an old friend of Lil’s.
Jeyes.
Not older than I.Violently.Why the blazes doesn’t Smythe inviteme?
Roper.
Extending his arms.My dear Nicko,I’mnotgiving the party. Really, you do jump down a man’s throat——!
Jeyes.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.Leaning back and thrusting his hands into his pocket.Well, I’ll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don’t want to sup withme; I shouldn’t amuse ’em.Gazing at the carpet.Her birthday, though! It’ll be the first time I shall have been out ofthatfor—how many years?—six years. I——Raising his head, he detectsMrs. UpjohnandRopereyeing each other uncomfortably.Anything the matter?
Roper.
T-t-the matter?
Jeyes.
Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright.Any game on?
Mrs. Upjohn.
Game?
Jeyes.
At my expense?
Mrs. Upjohn.
I dun’no wot you’re drivin’ at, Captain.
Jeyes.
Harshly.How long’s Lily sitting this afternoon?
Mrs. Upjohn.
Till five.
Jeyes.
Looking at his watch.What’s Morgan’s number in Fitzroy Street?
Mrs. Upjohn.
Sixty.
Jeyes.
Rising.I’ll fetch her.
As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open andLily Parradellenters with a rush—an entrancing vision of youth, grace, and beauty. She is followed byJimmie Birch, apetite, bright-eyed girl in an extremelychiccostume.
Lily.
Tearing off her gloves as she enters.Wh-e-e-w! I’m dead!Giving her hand toJeyescarelessly.Ah, Nicko!ToMrs. Upjohn.I couldn’t stand the heat in the studio any longer, mother.FindingRoperbeside her, she offers her cheek to him and he kisses it.Mon Oncle!
Jimmie.
Closing the door.That young man Morgan ought to paint the infernal regions.
Lily.
Taking her scarf from her shoulder.He might finish with the angels first, though.ToJeyes, softly, asRoperturns to shake hands withJimmie.You in a better temper to-day?
Jeyes.
In her ear.You drove me wild last night.
Lily.
Making a face at him.Served you right.Passing him.For God’s sake, let me lie down.She throws herself upon the settee in front of the writing-table, andJeyesmoves away asMrs. UpjohnandRopergo to her.Don’t come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where’s my fan?
Jimmie.
Oh, I’ve left it in Fitzroy Street!
Lily.
Beast!
Mrs. Upjohn.
Hurrying to the writing-table.There’s one ’ere, among your presents.
Lily.
Unpinning her hat.Uncle Lal, what an adorable ring that is you’ve sent me!
Roper.
Taking the fan fromMrs. Upjohn.Ring! A brooch!
Lily.
Somebody’ssent me a ring.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Sitting in the chair at the end of the settee by the writing-table.There’s three rings.
Lily.
Of course! One of them’s from Nicko!ToJeyes.Did you get my sweet telegram, Nicko?
Jeyes.
Who has greetedJimmieand is now seated in the chair on the extreme left—sulkily.I had your telegram, but it’s apendantI sent you.
Jimmie.
Sitting upon the settee by the piano and pulling off her gloves.Ha, ha, ha!
Lily.
You shut up, Jimmie.Snatching the fan fromRoper.How on earth am I to remember!Fanning herself.Who’s given methispretty thing?
Mrs. Upjohn.
Mr. Monty Levine.
Lily.
Bless him! He’s a dear little man, though he does bite his nails.Gladysappears withVincent Bland, who saunters in after her. SeeingLily,Gladysadvances to her.Hallo, Vincent!
Bland.
A thin, delicate looking man of eight-and-thirty, notover smartly dressed, wearing an eye-glass—nodding toLilycasually.You needn’t have cut me, almost on your door-step.ToJimmieandJeyes.H’lo, Jimmie! H’lo, Nicko!
Gladys.
ViewingLilywith an elevation of the brows.Oh, are you home?
Lily.
ReturningGladys’sstare.Apparently.
Gladys.
I’ll whistle up to Maud.
Lily.
Don’t, if it’s too severe a strain on you.
Mrs. Upjohn.
ToGladys, as the girl moves to the door.Gladys, we’ll ’ave tea.
Gladys.
At the door.You can’t till it’s ready.
Lily.
Calmly.Cheek!
Gladysretires.
Bland.
Who has strolled across toLily, indolently.Why do you retain the services of that tousled-headed hussy?
Lily.
With conviction.Oh, she’s a little under the weather, but she’s a perfect servant.
Bland.
ToMrs. Upjohn.Ma, you look blooming.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Wish I could return the compliment, Mr. Bland.
Bland.
ToRoper, who is wearing a waistcoat of rather a pronounced pattern.Congratulations on your waistcoat, Lal.
Roper.
JoiningJimmie, annoyed.Now, no personalities.
Lily.
GivingBlandher hand.Vincent, yours is one of the loveliest presents I’ve had to-day.Remerciement!How’s that for a French accent?
Bland.
Dropping his eyeglass.You cat!
Lily.
Why——?
Bland.
You know I’ve given you nothing, not even a penny nosegay.
Jimmie.
Ha, ha, ha!
Lily.
Raising herself on her elbow.On my honour—! Vincent dear, I swear I thought——!
Bland.
The funds are too low.Replacing his eyeglass.I did go so far as to price a bangle at Sellby’s, but that was before a certain event yesterday.
Jimmie.
What horses did you back, Vincent? I won a fiver, through Jerry Grimwood.
Roper.
ToBland.Youarea patent ass. Why don’t you leave betting alone?
Bland.
ToRoper, flaring up.Why don’t you leave your City muck alone?
Lily.
Putting her feet to the floor, imperiously.That’ll do. Be quiet, you two! I won’t have any wrangling in my house. Run away and play, all of you. I want to speak to Vincent for a minute privately.With a gesture.Uncle Lal—Jimmie—Nicko—ToMrs. Upjohn.Scoot, mother!
Mrs. Upjohn.
Oh, dear, wot a child!
Roper,Jimmie,Jeyes, andMrs. Upjohnmove away andLilybeckons toBland.
Lily.
Vin.
Bland.
Close to her, with a wry face.Mercy!
Lily.
In a low voice.You’ve broken your word to me, then?Through her teeth.Those damned horses!
Bland.
Cooling had a tip from the stable——
Lily.
Cooling! Morrie Cooling has no children; only a fat wife. You’ve a darling little wife and three kiddies. How much did you drop yesterday?
Bland.
Shan’t say.
Lily.
Rising and touching his arm.Oh, Vincent!
She looks round, to assure herself that she is unobserved.Mrs. UpjohnandRoperare seated at the tea-table with their heads together, talking;Jimmieis at the piano, fingering out a piece of music;Jeyesis half hidden in the arm-chair facing thesettee at the back.Lilytiptoes to the writing-table and seats herself there asGladysreappears showing in theBaron von Rettenmayer.
Von Rettenmayer.
A tall, fair young man of three-and-thirty, speaking in thick, guttural tones—advancing toLily.Aha, goddess!Gladys withdraws.Many habby returns of the day!
Lily.
H’sh! I’m busy for a moment, Baron.
Von Rettenmayer.
ToLily—shaking hands withBland.A thousand bardons.
Lily.
Talk to mother and Jimmie.
Von Rettenmayer.
With bleasure.Going toMrs. UpjohnandRoperand shaking hands with them.How are you, my dear Ma? How are you, Jimmie?Waving a hand toRoperandJeyes.My dear Rober! My dear Neegolas!
Jimmie.
ToVon Rettenmayer, mimicking him.Rober! Neegolas! Why don’t they provide you with throat lozenges at the Embassy, Baron?
Von Rettenmayerlaughs.Lilyhas quickly opened a drawer in the writing-table and produced a cheque-book. After anotherglance over her shoulder, she sweeps the presents aside and writes. Then she replaces the cheque-book, rises, and returns toBland. Again there is a loud guffaw fromVon Rettenmayerin response to some sally ofJimmie’s.
Lily.
ToBland, folding a cheque and slipping it into his hand.Promise—promise you won’t make another bet.
Bland.
Unfolding the cheque.Your cheque?
Lily.
Hastily.Put it in your pocket.
Bland.
A blank one.
Lily.
In a whisper.Don’t fill it in for more than you can help.I’mnot over flush.
He deliberately tears the cheque into four pieces and, looking at her steadily, puts them into his waistcoat-pocket.
Bland.
As he does so.I’ll keep those, Lil, for as long as I keep anything.
Lily.
Hotly.You fool, Vincent!
Bland.
My dear, as if——!
Lily.
Such ridiculous pride!Stamping her foot.Lord, what I owe to you!
Gladysenters withSam de Castro.Gladysis carrying a lace-edged table-cloth which, assisted byMrs. Upjohn, she proceeds to lay upon the tea-table.
Bland.
Moving away to join the others—toDe Castro.Ha, Sam!
De Castro.
A stout, coarse, but genial-looking gentleman of forty, of marked Jewish appearance, speaking with a lisp—shaking hands withLily.How are you to-day, Lil? Many happy returnth, wunth more.
Lily.
Thanks, dear old boy.Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table.Did I send you a wire this morning?
De Castro.
Not you; not a thix-pen’north.
Lily.
I ought to have done so, to acknowledge your—what was it?
De Castro.
A ring—diamondth and thapphires.
Lily.
Ah, yes; beautiful.
De Castro.
Itithrather a nithe ring.Lowering his voice.But I thay.
Lily.
What?
De Castro.
Mind you don’t go and tell Gabth, on any account.
Lily.
With a great assumption of ignorance, raising her eyebrows.Gabs?
De Castro.
Gabrielle—Mith Kato.
Lily.
Why shouldn’t I?
De Castro.
Nonsenth;youknow very well.Urgently.You won’t, will you?
Lily.
Shrugging her shoulders.I won’t if I remember not to.
De Castro.
Alarmed.Ah, now, don’t be thtupid! Whath the good o’ making mithchief!Lilyshows him the tip of her tongue.Oh, Lil!Gladysgoes out.Lil——!
Von Rettenmayer.
Leaving the group at the back and putting an arm roundDe Castro’sshoulder.My dear friend Zam!
De Castro.
How are you, Baron?Going toMrs. Upjohn.Afthernoon, Ma!Nodding toJimmieandRoper.Afthernoon, everybody!Shaking hands withJeyes, who has risen and now joins the group.How are you, Nicko?
Lily.
Giving her hand toVon Rettenmayer.Excuse me for cutting you short when you came in. Thanks for your splendid present. I did send you a wire, didn’t I?
Von Rettenmayer.
Kissing her hand and bowing over it.I shall breserve it, with a few oder souvenirs, till the end of my life.
Lily.
Withdrawing her hand and blowing the compliment away.Phew! Lal, lal, lal, la!
Von Rettenmayer.
In an altered tone, after a cautious look round.Goddess.
Lily.
Eh?
Von Rettenmayer.
Anxiously.My drifling liddle offering—I endreat you not to mention it to Enid.
Lily.
Laughing heartily.Ha, ha, ha, ha! Another of you!
Von Rettenmayer.
The gharming Miss Mongreiff.
Lily.
Seriously.Baron, I wish you boys wouldn’t make me presents and then ask me to keep them a secret from the other girls.
Von Rettenmayer.
And I—I wish it were not nezezzary. But, goddess, you are alzo a young lady of the world—you know what women are.
Lily.
H’m! I know what you men are.
Maud, a buxom young woman with a good-tempered face, dressed as a lady’s-maid, enters quickly, tying her apron, and runs toLily.Jeyescomes to the further side of the writing-table andVon Rettenmayernow joins him there.Jimmie Birchalso comes forward, accompanied byDe Castro.
Maud.
ToLily.Here, give me your things.Lilytossesher hat, scarf, and gloves toMaud.I was in my room, having a lie down. Is my hair untidy?
Lily.
I’ve never seen it anything else.
Maud.
Merrily.Ha, ha, ha!ToJimmieandDe Castro.Afternoon, Miss Jimmie. Afternoon, Mr. de Castro.ToLily.Now, don’t let them all tire you to death, there’s a pet.
Lily.
Oh, clear out.AsMaudis departing.Hi!Rising and kicking off her shoes and sending them inMaud’sdirection.Fetch me a pair of slippers.
Maud.
Picking up the shoes and chuckling.He, he, he!
WhenMaudreaches the door, which she has left open,Gladysappears with the tea-tray and withFarncombeat her heels.
Gladys.
ToMaud, in a low voice, witheringly.Oh, you’re doing something, are you?
Maud.
In the same tone, passingGladys.Yes, setting you an example, my girl.EncounteringFarncombe.Beg pardon.
Maudwithdraws, closing the door, andFarncombestands looking atLily, who is talkingtoJimmie.Gladyscarries the tray to the tea-table.
Lily.
Become aware ofFarncombe’spresence and nodding to him.How d’ye do?
Farncombe.
Moving a step or two towards her.I—I’ve been here before this afternoon. I ventured to bring you some flowers.
Lily.
Going to him and shaking hands with him formally.Nobody told me. Awfully kind of you. Where have they put them?
Farncombe.
Lifting his basket of flowers from off the piano and showing it to her.Here.
Lily.
Pretty.Pulling out a carnation.Stick it up there again.He replaces the basket.You’re Lord Farncombe, aren’t you?
Farncombe.
Yes.
Lily.
With a glance at the others.Know anybody here?
Farncombe.
Looking round the room.Nearly everybody, I fancy.He advances toVon Rettenmayer, who comesto meet him.Lilysits upon the settee by the piano and fastens the carnation in her dress.Gladysgoes out.Karl——!
Von Rettenmayer.
My dear Eddie!
Farncombe.
Bowing tode Castro, who is now seated besideJimmieon the settee in front of the writing-table.How are you, Mr. de Castro?ToJeyes, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his moustache and watchingLilyandFarncombesourly.How are you, Captain Jeyes?Turning toBland.How are you, Mr. Bland?ToLily.I’ve been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
Lily.
Looking across toJimmie.Miss Birch—Lord Farncombe.
Jimmie.
Nodding toFarncombe.How d’ye do?
Farncombe.
Going toJimmieand shaking hands with her.I—I needn’t say that I am one of Miss Birch’s warmest—most profound——
Jimmie.
Smiling at him.That’s all right; don’t you bother about that.
Maudreturns, carrying a pair of silken slippers.Von Rettenmayer, who has come toLily,makes a dart at the slippers and takes them fromMaud.
Von Rettenmayer.
Aha! Permid me.
Maud.
Now, Baron——!Slapping his arm.Ha, ha, ha——!
He pushesMaudout of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes the door.
Von Rettenmayer.
Holding the slippers aloft.Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie!The men put themselves behind him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the exception ofJeyes, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, andFarncombe, who is embarrassed.Jimmieclaps her hands andMrs. Upjohn, who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of coughing.Ta, ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
Lily.
Baron, you great baby!
Von Rettenmayer.
Quig! Marge!
Roper.
Calling toFarncombe.Come along, Farncombe!
Jimmie.
GivingFarncombea shove.Go on!
Farncombetakes his place behindRoperand, headed byVon Rettenmayer, the men march round the room.
Von Rettenmayer.
Waving the slippers in the air and singing.
Weib, was ist in aller WeltDir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!Reizumflossen, wunderhold,Perl’ der Schöpfung, Herzensgold!Tag’s Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.
Weib, was ist in aller Welt
Dir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!
Reizumflossen, wunderhold,
Perl’ der Schöpfung, Herzensgold!
Tag’s Gedanken, Traum der Nacht,
Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.
Von Rettenmayerhalts beforeLilyand kneels to her. She extends her left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper. She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way forde Castro, handing him the other slipper, andde Castroperforms the same ceremony withLily’sright foot. She upsetsde Castro’sbalance by a little kick.
Von Rettenmayer.
Seating himself besideJimmie, singing.
Venus, seinen Nacken beutDir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
Venus, seinen Nacken beut
Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
De Castrogathers himself up and sits in the chair at the end of the settee in front of the, writing-table.BlandandRoper, having knelt and kissedLily’sfoot, also sit, the former in the chair in the middle of the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left. Finally,Farncombefinds himselfbeforeLily. He looks at her hesitatingly and she returns his look with awakened interest and withdraws her foot.
Lily.
Shaking her head.No, no; don’tyoube silly, like the others.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Loudly.Tea!
Bland, Von Rettenmayerandde Castrojump up and go to the tea-table whereFarncombejoins them.Gladysenters, carrying a stand on which are a plate of bread-and-butter, a dish of cake, etc.Ropertakes the stand from her and the girl retires.FarncombebringsLilya cup of tea.De CastroandBlandfollow him, the one with a milk-jug, the other with a sugar-basin.Von Rettenmayercarries a cup of tea toJimmie, and thende CastroandBland, having waited uponLily, go toJimmiewith the milk and sugar.Roperhands the bread-and-butter and cake toLily, then toJimmie, and in the endRoper, Bland, de CastroandVon Rettenmayerassemble at the tea-table and receive their cups of tea fromMrs. Upjohn.
Roper.
RelievingGladysof the stand.Give it to me. I want a little exercise.