CHORUSWe wish you both joy on your journeys, which differ so much. One goesto mount guard and freeze, while the other will drink, crownedwith flowers, and then sleep with a young beauty, who will excitehim readily.I say it freely; may Zeus confound Antimachus, the poet-historian,the son of Psacas! When Choregus at the Lenaea, alas! alas! hedismissed me dinnerless. May I see him devouring with his eyes acuttle-fish, just served, well cooked, hot and properly salted; andthe moment that he stretches his hand to help himself, may a dog seizeit and run off with it. Such is my first wish. I also hope for him amisfortune at night. That returning all-fevered from horse practice,he may meet an Orestes,(1) mad with drink, who breaks open his head;that wishing to seize a stone, he, in the dark, may pick up a fresh stool,hurl his missile, miss aim and hit Cratinus.(2)f(1) An allusion to the paroxysms of rage, as represented in many tragediesfamiliar to an Athenian audience, of Orestes, the son of Agamemnon,after he had killed his mother.f(2) No doubt the comic poet, rival of Aristophanes.SLAVE OF LAMACHUSSlaves of Lamachus! Water, water in a little pot! Make it warm, get readycloths, cerate greasy wool and bandages for his ankle. In leaping a ditch,the master has hurt himself against a stake; he has dislocated and twistedhis ankle, broken his head by falling on a stone, while his Gorgon shot faraway from his buckler. His mighty braggadocio plume rolled on theground; at this sight he uttered these doleful words, "Radiant star, I gazeon thee for the last time; my eyes close to all light, I die." Havingsaid this,he falls into the water, gets out again, meets some runaways and pursuesthe robbers with his spear at their backsides.(1) But here he comes,himself. Get the door open.f(1) Unexpected wind-up of the story. Aristophanes intends to deridethe boasting of Lamachus, who was always ascribing to himself mostunlikely exploits.LAMACHUSOh! heavens! oh! heavens! What cruel pain! I faint, I tremble! Alas!I die! the foe's lance has struck me! But what would hurt me mostwould be for Dicaeopolis to see me wounded thus and laughat my ill-fortune.DICAEOPOLIS (ENTERS WITH TWO COURTESANS)Oh! my gods! what bosoms! Hard as a quince! Come, my treasures, giveme voluptuous kisses! Glue your lips to mine. Haha! I was the first toempty my cup.LAMACHUSOh! cruel fate! how I suffer! accursed wounds!DICAEOPOLISHah! hah! hail! Knight Lamachus! (EMBRACES LAMACHUS.)LAMACHUSBy the hostile gods! (BITES DICAEOPOLIS.)DICAEOPOLISAh! Great gods!LAMACHUSWhy do you embrace me?DICAEOPOLISAnd why do you bite me?LAMACHUS'Twas a cruel score I was paying back!DICAEOPOLISScores are not evened at the Feast of Cups!LAMACHUSOh! Paean, Paean!DICAEOPOLISBut to-day is not the feast of Paean.LAMACHUSOh! support my leg, do; ah! hold it tenderly, my friends!DICAEOPOLISAnd you, my darlings, take hold of this, both of you!LAMACHUSThis blow with the stone makes me dizzy; my sight grows dim.DICAEOPOLISFor myself, I want to get to bed; I am bursting with lustfulness,I want to be bundling in the dark.LAMACHUSCarry me to the surgeon Pittalus.DICAEOPOLISTake me to the judges. Where is the king of the feast?The wine-skin is mine!LAMACHUSThat spear has pierced my bones; what torture I endure!DICAEOPOLISYou see this empty cup! I triumph! I triumph!CHORUSOld man, I come at your bidding! You triumph! you triumph!DICAEOPOLISAgain I have brimmed my cup with unmixed wine and drained it ata draught!CHORUSYou triumph then, brave champion; thine is the wine-skin!DICAEOPOLISFollow me, singing "Triumph! Triumph!"CHORUSAye! we will sing of thee, thee and thy sacred wine-skin, and we all,as we follow thee, will repeat in thine honour, "Triumph, Triumph!"