Chap. xi.: OF THE MARVELLOUS THANKSGIVING OF A PATIENT, AND OF THE HOLY THOUGHTS THEREBY AWAKENED IN SIMPLICISSIMUS
These last did so affirm what they said that I now began almost entirely to believe them, and they did so move my curiosity that I determined to visit this wondrous lake. But of those that with me had listened to the whole story one judged one way and another another, from which sufficiently appeared their different and contradictory ways of thinking. For my part I said the German name Mummelsee[40]sufficiently declared that there was about the thing, as about a masquerade, some disguise, so that none might fathom either its nature or its depth, which had never yet been discovered, though such high personages had attempted it. And with that I betook me to the same place where a year before I had seen my departed wife for the first time and drank in the sweet poison of love. And there I laid myself down on the green grass in the shade, yet took no heed as I had done before to what the nightingales did sing, but rather pondered on the changes I had suffered since then. I represented to myself how in that very place I had begun to be in place of a free man a slave of love, and how since then I had become from an officer a peasant, from a rich peasant a poor nobleman, from a Simplicissimus a Melchior, from a widower a husband, from a husband a cuckold, and from a cuckold a widower again; moreover, from a peasant's brat I had proved to be the son of a good soldier, and yet again the son of my old dad. Then again I reflected how fate had robbed me of my Herzbruder, and in his place had provided me with two old married folk. I thought of the godly life and decease of my father; the piteous death of my mother; and, further, of the manifold changes which I had undergone in my lifetime, till I could no longer refrain myself from tears. And even while I reflected how much good money I in my lifetime had possessed and squandered away, and began to lament therefore, there came two good soakers or winebibbers on whom the gout had fastened in their limbs, whereby they were crippled and needed both the baths and to drink the waters: these set themselves down by me, for 'twas a fair place to rest, and each bewailed to the other his sad case as thinking that they were alone. So said the one, "My doctor hath sent me here either as one of whose healing he despaired or else as one that with others might help him to repay my host here for the keg of butter he sent him: I would I had either never seen him in my life or else that he had at the first sent me to the spa, for so should I either have more money than now or else be sounder, for the waters suit my case right well." And "Ah" says the other, "I thank my God that He hath given me no more money to spare than what I have, for had my doctor known that I had more behind he had never counselled me to come to the spa; but I must have shared all between him and his apothecaries, that for this cause do oil his palms year by year--yea, even though I should have died and perished in the meanwhile. These greedy fellows send not men like us to so healthful a place till they be well assured they can help us no more, or else find us pigeons they can pluck no longer: and if the truth must be confessed, he that once deals with them, and of whom they know that he has money, must pay them only to this end, that they keep him sick." And much more evil had these two to say of their doctors, but I care not to tell it all: otherwise might the gentlemen of that profession take it amiss and some time or other give me a dose that should purge my soul out of my body. Nay, I do but mention it for this cause, because this second patient, in giving thanks to God that He had given him no more wealth, so comforted me that I banished clean out of my mind all vexations and heavy thoughts that had assailed me on the score of money: and I did resolve to strive no more for honour nor gold nor for aught else that the world loveth. Yea, I determined to be a philosopher and to devote myself to a godly life, and in especial to lament mine own impenitence and to endeavour myself, like my dear departed father, to ascend to the highest degree of piety.
Chap. xii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS JOURNEYED WITH THE SYLPHS TO THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH
Now this desire to visit the Mummelsee increased with me when I learned from my foster-father that he had been there and knew the way thither; but when he heard that I likewise would go, "And what will ye gain," says he, "by going thither? My son with his old dad will see naught else but the picture of a pond lying in the midst of a great wood, and when he hath paid for his present taste with sore distaste, he will have naught but repentance and weary feet (for a man can hardly come to the place by riding) and the way back instead of the way thither. Nor should ever any man have had me to go thither had I not been forced to flee there when Doctor Daniel (by which he meant Duc d'Anguin[41]) marched with his troops down through the country to Philippsburg." Yet my curiosity would not be turned aside by his dissuasion, but I got me a fellow that should guide me thither; so my father, seeing my fixed intent, said, since the oat-crop was gathered in, and there was neither hoeing nor reaping to be done on the farm, he would even go with me and shew the way. For he loved me so that he would fain not let me out of his sight, and since all the people of the country believed I was his true-born son, he was proud of me; and so behaved to me and to all others as a poor man might well do in respect of a son whom good fortune, without his own help and assistance, had turned into a fine gentleman.
So together we set off over hill and dale and came to the Mummelsee; and that before we had gone six hours, for my dad was as lively as a cricket and as good a traveller as any young man. And there we consumed what meat and drink we had brought with us, for the long journey and the high mountain on which the lake lieth had made us both hungry and thirsty. So having refreshed ourselves I did inspect the lake, and found lying in it certain hewn timbers which my dad and I took to be the remains of the Würtemberg raft: and I by geometry took or estimated the length and breadth of the water (for 'twas far too wearisome to go round the lake and measure it by paces or feet), and entered the dimensions, by means of the scale of reduction, in my tablets. And having done this, the sky being completely clear and the air windless and calm, I must needs try what truth was in the legend that a storm would arise if any should throw a stone into the lake; having already found those stories I had heard, how the lake would suffer no trout to live in it, to be true, by reason of the mineral taste of the waters. So to make trial of this, I walked along the lake to the left, where the water, which elsewhere is as clear as a crystal, doth begin, by reason of the monstrous depth, to shew as black as coal, and therefore is so dreadful of appearance that the mere look of it doth terrify. And there I began to cast in stones as great as I could carry; my foster-father or dad not only refusing to help me, but warning and begging me to give over, as much as in him lay: but I went busily on with my work, and such stones as by reason of their size and weight I could not carry, I rolled down till I had cast more than thirty such into the lake. Then began the sky to be covered with black clouds, in which terrible thundering was heard, so that my dad, which stood on the other side of the lake by the outlet, lamenting over my work, cried out to me that I should escape, lest we be caught by the rain and the dreadful storm, or even a worse mishap chance to us. But in despite of all I answered him, "Father, I will stay and await the end even though it rained pitchforks." "Yea, yea," answered he, "ye act like all madcap boys, that care not if the world perish."
But I, while I listened to his scolding, turned not mine eyes away from the depths of the lake, expecting to see certain bladders or bubbles rising up from the bottom, as is wont to happen when stones are thrown into deep water whether still or running. Yet saw I naught of the kind, but was ware of certain creatures floating far down in the depths, which in form reminded me of frogs, and flitted about like sparks from a mounting rocket which in the air doth work its full effect: and as they came nearer and nearer to me they seemed to grow larger and more like to the human form: at which at first great wonder took hold of me, and at last, when I saw them hard by me, a great fear and trembling. "Ah," said I then to myself in my terror and wonder, and yet so loud that my dad, that stood beyond the lake, could hear me, though the noise of the thunder was dreadful, "how great are the wondrous works of the Creator! yea, even in the womb of the earth and the depths of the waters!" And scarce had I said these words when one of these sylphs appeared upon the waters and answered me, "Aha, and thou dost acknowledge that before thou hast seen aught thereof: what wouldst say if thou wert for once in the Centrum Terrae and beheldest our dwelling which thy curiosity hath disturbed?"
Meanwhile there rose up here and there more of such water-spirits, like diving birds, all looking upon me and bringing up again the stones I had cast in, which amazed me much. And the first and chiefest among them, whose raiment shone like pure gold and silver, cast to me a shining stone of the bigness of a pigeon's egg and green and transparent as an emerald, with these words: "Take thou this trinket, that thou mayst have somewhat to report of us and of our lake." But scarce had I picked it up and pocketed it when it seemed to me the air would choke or drown me, so that I could not stand upright but rolled about like a ball of yarn, and at last fell into the lake. Yet no sooner was I in the water than I recovered, and through the virtue of the stone I had upon me could breathe in water instead of air: yea, I could with small effort float in the lake as well as could the water-spirits, yea, and with them descended into the depths; which reminded me of nothing so much as of a flock of birds that so descend in circles from the upper air to light upon the ground.
But my dad having beheld this marvel in part (namely, so much of it as was done above the water), made off from the lake and home again as if his head were on fire. And there he told the whole history; but especially how the water-spirits had brought back those stones that I had cast into the lake, in the midst of the thunderstorm, and had laid them where they came from, but in exchange had taken me down with them. So some believed him but most accounted it a fable. Others conceived that I had, like another Empedocles of Agrigentum (which cast himself into Mount Aetna that all might think, since he was nowhere to be found, that he was taken up to heaven), drowned myself in the lake, and charged my father to spread such tales about me to gain for me an immortal name: for, said they, it had long been marked by my melancholic humour that I was half-desperate.
Others would fain have believed, had they not known my strength of body, that my adopted father had himself murdered me to be rid of me (being a miserly old man) and so be master alone on my farm: so that at this time naught else but the Mummelsee and me and my departure and my foster-father could be talked of or discoursed on either at the spa or in the countryside.
Chaps. xiii.-xvi.contain merely a farrago of nonsense conveyed in conversations with the prince of the Mummelsee, who explains to Simplicissimus the construction of the "earth's crust" and the nature of sylphs, and in turn is treated by him to an account of earthly affairs, on which he makes the usual commonplace satirical remarks (see the Introduction).
Chap. xvii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS RETURNED FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE EARTH, AND OF HIS STRANGE FANCIES, HIS AIRCASTLES, HIS CALCULATIONS; AND HOW HE RECKONED WITHOUT HIS HOST
Meanwhile the time drew near that I should return home; therefore the king bade me declare my wishes, whereby I understood he was minded to do me a favour. So I said, no greater kindness could be shewn me than to cause a real medicinal spring to rise on my farm. "And is that all?" answered the king, "I had thought thou wouldst have taken with thee some of these great emeralds from the American Sea and have asked to bear them with thee back to earth. Now do I see that there is no greed among you Christians." Therewith he handed to me a stone of strange and glittering colours, and said, "Put this in thy pouch, and wheresoever thou layest in on the ground, there will it begin to seek the Centre of the Earth again, and to pass through the most fitting mineralia, till it come back to us, and for our part we will send thee a noble mineral spring, that shall work thee such good and profit as thou hast deserved of us by thy declaration of the truth." So thereupon the prince of the Mummelsee took me again under his charge, and passed with me through the road and the lake by which we had come. And this way back seemed to me far longer than the way thither, so that I reckoned it at three thousand five hundred German-Swiss miles well measured; but doubtless the cause that the time seemed so long to me was that I had no speech of my escort, save that I learned from them they were from three to five hundred years old and lived all this time without the least disease.
For the rest, I was in fancy so rich with my spring that all my wits and all my thoughts were busied with this, to wit, where I should plant it and how turn it to profit. And first I had my plans for the fine buildings that I must set up that the bathing-guests might be properly accommodated, and I for my part might gain great hire for lodgings. Then I devised already by what bribes I could persuade the doctors to prefer my new miraculous spa to all the others, yea, even to that of Schwalbach, and so procure for me a crowd of rich patients: in my fantasy I even levelled whole mountains lest they that came and went should find the way wearisome to travel: already I hired sharp-witted drawers, sparing cooks, careful chambermaids, watchful grooms, spruce intendants of the baths and springs, and already I thought of a place where in the midst of the wild mountains by my farm I might plant a fine level pleasure-garden, and there rear all manner of rare plants, that the bathing-guests and their wives that came from foreign parts might walk therein, where the sick might be cheered and the sound might be amused and exercised with all manner of sports and pastimes. Then must the doctors, for a reward, write me a noble treatise on my spring and set down on paper its healing qualities; and this I would have printed with a fine plate wherein my farm should be depicted and a ground plan thereof given; by reading which any absent patient might at once believe and hope himself in health again. Then would I have all my children fetched from Lippstadt, to have them taught all that was needful to know of my new watering-place; for 'twas my intent to scarify my guests' purses well though not their backs. With such rich fancies and overweening castles in the air I came again into the upper world, for this oft-mentioned prince brought me again to land from his Mummelsee with dry clothes; and there I must forthwith cast from me the talisman that he had at first given me when he fetched me away; else had I either been choked in the air or must have plunged my head under the water again, such was the effect of the said stone. Which being done, and he having taken it to him again, we commended each other to the protection of the most High, as men that should never meet again; so he with his people dived under and sank into his depths; but I with my stone which the king had given me went thence as full of joy as if I had fetched the golden fleece home from Colchis.
But alas! my joy, of which I vainly hoped for the everlasting continuance, endured not long, for hardly was I gone from that lake of wonders when I began to go astray in that rhonstrous wood, for I had not marked from what direction my dad had brought me to the lake. Yet I went some way on before I was aware of my mistake, ever making calculations how I could plant that noble spring on my farm, and build round it, and earn for myself a peaceful revenue as proprietor thereof. In this way I unawares strayed further and further from the place whither I desired to come and, worst of all, I found it not out till the sun was sinking and I was helpless. For there I stood in the midst of a wilderness like Simple Simon, without food or arms, of which I might well have need during the night that was coming on. Yet I found comfort in my stone that I had brought with me from the very bowels of the earth. "Patience, patience!" said I to myself: "this will again repay thee for all sufferings undergone. All good things take time, and fine rewards be not won without great toil and labour: else would every fool need but to wipe his beard to get possession at will of even such a noble spring as thou hast in thy poke."
And having spoken thus I got with my new resolve new strength, so that I went forward with a bolder gait than heretofore, although night now overtook me. The full moon indeed shone on me brightly, but the tall fir-trees kept the light from me more than the deep sea had done that very day; yet I made my way on, till about midnight I was ware of a fire afar off, to which I straightway walked, and saw from a distance that there were certain woodmen about it, resin-gatherers; and though such folk be not at all times to be trusted yet my necessity compelled me and my own courage urged me on to speak to them. So I came quietly behind them and said, "Good night or good day or good morrow or good even, gentlemen: for tell me what hour it is that I may know how to greet ye." With that the whole six stood or sat there all a-tremble with fear and knew not what to answer me. For I, being of great stature and just at that time, by reason of mourning for my late wife, being in black raiment; and in especial having a terrible cudgel in mine hand, on which I leaned like a wild man of the woods, my figure seemed to them dreadful. "How," says I, "will none answer me?" Yet they stayed yet a good while in amazement, till at last one came to himself well enough to ask, "Who be the gentleman?" By that I heard they must be of the Swabian nation; which men esteem as simple-minded yet with little cause: so I said I was a travelling scholar, but newly come from the Venusberg, where I had learned a heap of wondrous arts. "Oho," quoth the eldest woodman, "Praise God; for now do I believe that I shall live to see peace again, because the wandering scholars are on their travels anew!"
Chap. xviii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS WASTED HIS SPRING IN THE WRONG PLACE
In this wise we came to converse with one another, and I found so much courtesy among them that they invited me to sit down and offered me a piece of black bread and thin cow's milk cheese, both of which I did thankfully accept. At last they became so familiar with me that they hinted I should, as a travelling scholar, tell their fortunes: and I, knowing somewhat of physiognomies and palmistry, began to tell to one after the other such stuff as I deemed would content them, that I might not lose credit with them; for in spite of all I was not at my ease among these wild woodmen. Then would they learn curious arts from me: but I fobbed them off with promises for the next day, and desired they would suffer me to rest a little. And having so played the gipsy for them. I laid myself down a little apart, more to listen and to perceive how they were minded than as having any great desire to sleep (though my appetite thereto was not lacking); and the more I snored the more wakeful they appeared. So they put their heads together and began to dispute one against another who I might be: they held that I could be no soldier because I wore black clothing, nor no townsman-blade, that could so suddenly appear far from all men's dwellings in the Muckenloch (for so was the wood called) at so unwonted a time. At the last they resolved I must be a journeyman Latinist[42]that had lost his way, or, as I myself had declared, a travelling scholar, because I could so excellently tell fortunes. "Yea," says another, "yet he knew not all for that reason: 'tis some wandering soldier, maybe, that hath so disguised himself to spy out our cattle and the secret ways of the wood. Aha! if we knew that we would so put him to sleep that he should forget ever to wake again." But another quickly took him up, that held the contrary and would have me to be somewhat else. Meanwhile I lay there and pricked up my ears and thought, "If these clodhoppers set upon me, two or three of them will need to bite the dust before they make an end of me." But while they took counsel and I tormented myself with fears, of a sudden I found myself lying in a pool of water. O horrors! now was Troy lost and all my splendid plans gone to naught, for by the smell I perceived 'twas mine own mineral spring. With that, for very rage and despite, I fell into such a frenzy that I wellnigh had fallen on those six peasants and fought them all. "Ye godless rogues," says I to them, and therewith sprang up with my terrible cudgel, "by this spring that welleth forth where I have lain ye well may see who I am; it were small wonder if I should so trounce ye all that the devil should fetch ye, because ye have dared to cherish such evil thoughts in your hearts," and thereto I added looks so threatening and terrible that all were afraid of me. Yet presently I came to myself and perceived what folly I committed. "Nay," thought I, "'tis better to lose the spring than one's life, and that thou canst easily forfeit if thou attack these clowns." So I gave them fair words again, and before they could recollect themselves: "Arise," said I, "and taste of this noble spring which ye and all other woodmen and resin-gatherers will henceforth be able to enjoy in this wilderness through my help."
Now this my discourse they understood not, but looked one upon another like live stockfish till they saw me very soberly take the first draught out of my hat. Then one by one they arose from beside their fire, and looked upon this miracle and tasted the water; but instead of being grateful to me as they should have been, they began to curse and said they would I had chanced on some other spot with my spring: for if their lord came to know of it, then must the whole district of Dornstett do forced-work to make a road thither, which would bring great hardship upon them. "But," says I, "on the contrary, ye will all have your profit therefrom: for ye can turn your fowls, your eggs, your butter, and your cattle and the rest more easily into money." "Nay, nay," said they, "the lord will put in an innkeeper that will take all the profit alone: and we must be his poor fools to keep road and path in trim for him, and earn no thanks thereby."
But at last they disagreed: for two were for keeping the spring and four demanded of me that I should take it away; which, had it been in my power, I had willingly done whether it pleased them or teased them. So as day began to break, and I had no more to do there, but must rather take heed lest we came together by the ears, I said that unless they were minded that all the cows in that valley should give red milk as long as the spring flowed they must presently shew me the way to Seebach; with which they were content, and to that end sent two of them with me; for one had feared to go with me alone.
So I departed thence, and though the whole land there was barren and bore nothing but pine-cones, yet would I with a curse have made it yet poorer, for there I had lost all my hopes; yet went I silently enough with my guides till I came to the top of the hill, where I could a little trace my way by the lie of the country. And there I said to them, "Now, my masters, ye can turn your new spring to fine profit if ye go forthwith and tell your lords of its coming up; for that will bring ye a rich reward, seeing that the prince will surely build about it for the glory and gain of the country, and for the promotion of his own interest will have it made known to all the world." "Yea," said they, "fools should we be in truth so to bind rods for our own backs; we had rather the devil would take thee and thy spring too: thou hast heard enough to know why we desire it not." "Ah, miscreants!" quoth I, "should I not call ye disloyal rogues that depart so far from the ways of your pious forefathers, which were so true to their prince that he could boast that he might venture to lay his head upon the knees of any of his subjects and there sleep in safety. But ye blackcaps, to 'scape a trifling task for which ye would in time be recompensed and of which all your posterity would reap a rich reward, ye be so dishonest as to refuse to make known this healing spring, which were both to the profit of your worshipful prince and also to the welfare and health of many a sick man. What would it cost ye though each should do a few days' forced work to that end?" "How," said they, "we would rather kill thee that thy spring might remain unknown." "Ye night-birds," says I, "there must be more of ye for that," and therewith heaved up my cudgel and chased them to all the devils, and thereafter went my way down hill westwards and southwards, and so came after much toil and tumble about sunset to my farm, and found it true indeed what my dad had prophesied to me, namely, that I should get naught from this pilgrimage save weary legs and the way back for the way thither.
Chap. xix.is an uninteresting excursus on certain communities of Anabaptists in Hungary.
Chap. xx.: TREATS OF A TRIFLING PROMENADE FROM THE BLACK FOREST TO MOSCOW IN RUSSIA
The same autumn there drew near to us French, Swedish, and Hessian troops to refresh themselves among us and to keep the Free City in the neighbourhood (which was built by an English king,[43]and called after his name) blockaded, for which cause every man gathered together his cattle and the best of his goods and fled into the woods among the mountains. I too did as my neighbours did and left my house pretty well empty, wherein a Swedish colonel on half-pay was lodged. The same found still remaining in my cabinet certain books, for in my haste I could not bring all away; and among others certain mathematical and geometrical essays, and also some on fortification, wherewith our engineers be principally busied, and therefore at once concluded that his quarters could belong to no common peasant, and so began to inquire of my character and to court my acquaintance, till by courteous offers and threats intermingled he wrought me to it that I should visit him at mine own farm, where he treated me very civilly and restrained his people, that they should do my goods no unnecessary damage or hurt. And by such friendly treatment he brought it about that I told him of all my business, and in especial of my family and descent. Thereat he wondered that I in the midst of war could so dwell among peasants, and look on while another tied his horse to my manger, whereas I with more honour could tie mine own horse to another's: I should, said he, gird on the sword again and not allow my gift which God had bestowed on me to perish by the fireside, and behind the plough; for he knew, if I would enter the Swedish service, my capacity and my knowledge of war would soon raise me to high rank. This I treated but coldly, and told him advancement was ever far off if a man had no friends to take him by the hand; whereto he replied that my good qualities would soon procure me both friends and advancement; nay, more: he doubted not that I should find kinsmen at the Swedish headquarters, and those of some account, for there there were many Scottish noblemen and men of rank. Further, said he, a regiment had been promised to him himself by Torstensohn; which promise if it were kept (of which he doubted not) then would he at once make me his lieutenant-colonel. With such and the like words he made my mouth to water, and inasmuch as there were now but scanty hopes of peace, and for me to suffer further billeting of troops did but mean utter ruin, therefore I resolved to serve again, and promised the colonel to go with him if only he would keep his word and give me the post of lieutenant-colonel in the regiment he was to have.
And so the die was cast; and I sent for my dad or foster-father, which was still with my cattle at Bairischbrunn;[44]and to him and his wife I devised my farm as their own property; yet on condition that after his death my bastard Simplicissimus that had been laid at my door should inherit it with all appurtenances, since there were no heirs born in wedlock. Thereafter I fetched my horse and all the gold and trinkets I still had, and having settled all my affairs and taken order for the education of my said by-blow of a son, on a sudden the blockade I spoke of was raised, so that before we looked for it we must decamp and join the main army.
Under the colonel I served as a steward, and maintained him with his servants and horses and all his household by theft and robbery, which is called in soldiers' language foraging. But as to the promises of Torstensohn, of which he had talked so big at my farm, they were not so great by a good deal as he had given out, but as it seemed to me he was rather looked at askance. "Aha," says he to me, "some malicious dog hath slandered me at headquarters. Yet I shall not need to wait long": but when he suspected that I should not endure to tarry longer with him he forged letters as if he had to raise a fresh regiment in Livonia where his home was, and persuaded me to embark with him at Wismar and to sail thither. And there too we found naught, for not only had he no regiment to raise, but was besides a nobleman as poor as a church mouse: and what he had came from his wife. Yet though I had now been twice deceived and had suffered myself to be enticed so far afield, yet I took the bait the third time; for he shewed me writings he had received from Moscow, in which, as he professed, high commands in the army were offered him, for so he interpreted the said letters to me and boasted loudly of good and punctual pay: and seeing that he started off with wife and child, I thought, surely he is on no wild-goose chase.
And so with high hopes I took the road with him, for otherwise I saw no means or opportunity to get back to Germany. But as soon as we came over the Russian frontier, and sundry discharged German soldiers met us, I began to be alarmed and said to my colonel, "What the devil do we here? We leave the country where war is, and where there is peace and soldiers be of no account and disbanded, thither we come." Yet still he gave me fair words and said I should leave it to him; he knew better what he was about than these fellows that were of no account.
But when we came in safety to the city of Moscow, I saw at once the game was up. 'Tis true my colonel conferred daily with great men, but far more with bishops than boyars, which seemed to me not so much grand as far too monkish, and aroused in me all manner of fancies and reflections, though I could not conceive what he aimed at: but in the end he revealed to me that war was over and that his conscience urged him on to embrace the Greek religion; and that his sincere advice to me was, inasmuch as otherwise he could help me no more as he had promised, to follow his example: for his Majesty the Czar had already good accounts of my person and my great capabilities: and would be graciously pleased, if I would agree to the conditions, to endow me as a knight with a fine estate and many serfs; which most gracious offer was not to be rejected, since for any man it was better to have in so great a monarch rather a gracious lord than an offended prince. At this I was much confounded, and knew not what to answer, for had I had the colonel in another place I would have answered him rather by deeds than words: but now I must play my cards otherwise, and consider the place where I was, and where I was like to a prisoner; and therefore was silent a long time before I could resolve upon an answer. At length I said to him I had indeed come with the purpose to serve the Czar's Majesty as a soldier, to which he, the colonel, had persuaded me; and if my services in war were not needed I could not help it; far less could I lay it to the charge of the Czar that I had for his sake undertaken so long a journey in vain, for he had not written to me to come. But that his Majesty condescended so graciously to dispense his royal favour to me would be a thing for me rather to boast of before all the world than most humbly to accept it and to earn it, since I could not just now determine to alter my religion, and only wished I were dwelling again in my farm in the Black Forest and so causing no man concern or inconveniency. To which he replied, "Your honour may do as he pleases: only I had conceived that if God and good luck favoured him, he would do well to be thankful to both; but if he will accept no help and refuses to live like a prince, at least I hope he will believe that I have spared no pains to help him to the best of my ability." Thereupon he made me a deep reverence, went his way, and left me in the lurch, not allowing me even to give him my company to the door.
So as I sat there all perplexed and reviewed my present condition I heard two Russian carriages before our lodging, and looking out of the window saw my good master colonel with his sons enter the one and his wife with her daughters the other. Which were the Czar's carriages and his livery, and divers priests there also which waited upon this honourable family and shewed them all kindness and good will.
Chap. xxi.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FURTHER FARED IN MOSCOW
From this time I was watched, not openly indeed, but secretly, by certain soldiers of the Strelitz guard, and that without my knowledge; and my colonel and his family never once came in my sight, so that I knew not what was become of him: and all this, as may easily be thought, brought in my head strange conceits and many grey hairs also. There I made the acquaintance of the Germans that dwell in Moscow, some as traders, some as mechanics, and to them lamented my plight and how I had been deceived by guile; who gave me comfort and direction how I, with a fair opportunity, might return to Germany. But so soon as they got wind of it that the Czar had determined to keep me in the land and would force me to it, they all became dumb towards me, yea, avoided my company, and 'twas hard for me even to find a shelter for my head. For I had already devoured my horse, saddle and trappings and all, and was now doling out one to-day and to-morrow another of the ducats which I had wisely sewn into my clothes. At last I began to turn into money my rings and trinkets, in the hope to keep myself so until I could find a fair occasion to get back to Germany. Meanwhile a quarter of a year was gone, after which the said colonel, with all his household, was baptized again and provided with a fine nobleman's estate and many serfs.
At that time there went out a decree that both among natives and foreigners no idlers should be allowed (and that with heavy penalties) as those that took the bread out of the mouth of the workers, and all strangers that would not work must quit the country in a month and the town in four-and-twenty hours. With that some fifty of us joined together with intent to make our way, with God's help, through Podolia to Germany; yet were we not two hours gone from the town when we were caught up by certain Russian troopers, on the pretence that his Majesty was greatly displeased that we had impudently dared to band together in such great numbers, and to traverse his land at pleasure without passports, saying further that his Majesty would not be going beyond his rights in sending us all to Siberia for our insolent conduct. On the way back I learned how my business stood: for the commander of the troop told me plainly, the Czar would not let me forth of the country: and his sincere advice was that I should obey his Majesty's most gracious will and join their religion, and (as the colonel had done) not despise a fine estate; assuring me also that if I refused this and would not live among them as a lord I must needs stay as a servant against my will: nor must his Majesty be blamed that he would not allow to depart from his country a man so skilful as the before-mentioned colonel had reported me to be. Then did I disparage mine own worth, and said the honourable colonel must surely have ascribed to me more arts, virtues, and knowledge than I possessed: 'twas true indeed I had come into the land to serve his Majesty the Czar and the worshipful Russian people, even at the risk of my life, against their enemies: but to change my religion, to that I could not resolve me: yet so far as I could in any wise serve his Majesty without burdening my conscience, I would not fail to do my utmost endeavour.
Then was I set apart from the rest and lodged with a merchant, where I was openly watched, yet daily provisioned from the court with rich food and costly liquors, and also daily had visitors that talked with me and now and again would invite me as a guest. In especial there was one to whose charge I had without doubt been chiefly commended, a crafty man, that entertained me daily with friendly talk; for now could I speak Russian pretty well. So he discoursed with me oftentimes of all manner of mechanic arts, as well as of engines of war and others, and of fortification and artillery practice. At last, after much beating about the bush to find out whether I would give in to his master's wishes, when he found there was no hope of my changing even in the least point, he begged that I would for the honour of the great Czar impart and communicate to their nation somewhat of my science: for his Majesty would requite my complaisance with high and royal favours. To which I answered, my desires had ever been to that end, most dutifully to serve the Czar, seeing that for this purpose I had come into his country, albeit I perceived that I was kept like a prisoner. But he replied, "Nay, nay, sir, ye be no prisoner, but his Majesty doth hold ye so dear that he cannot resolve to part with your person." So says I, "Wherefore then am I guarded?" "Because," he answered, "his Majesty feareth lest any harm should happen to ye."
So now understanding my proposals, he said the Czar was graciously pleased to consider of digging for saltpetre in his own country and making of powder there; but because there was no one in the land that could deal with the matter, I should do him an acceptable service if I would undertake the work: to that end I should be provided with men and means enough ready to hand, and he in his own person would most sincerely beg of me not to reject such a gracious proposal, seeing that they were already well assured that I had a full knowledge of such matters. To which I answered, "Sir, I say as I said before: if I can serve his Majesty in anything, provided only he will be graciously content to leave me undisturbed in my religion, I will not fail to do my best." Whereat the Russian, which was one of their chief magnates, was heartily glad and pledged me in drink deeper than ever a German.
Next day there came from the Czar two great nobles with an interpreter to make a final agreement with me, and presented me on behalf of the Czar with a costly Russian robe: and a few days after I began to seek for saltpetre and to instruct the Russians that had been assigned to me how to separate it from the earth and refine it; and at the same time I drew up a plan of a powder-mill, and taught others to burn charcoal, so that in brief space we had ready a goodly amount both of musquet and ordnance powder; for I had people enough, besides mine own servants that were to wait on me, or, to speak more truly, to keep watch and ward over me.
I being thus well started, there comes to me the before-mentioned colonel in Russian clothes and nobly escorted by many servants; without doubt by such a show of glory to persuade me to go over to that religion. But I knew well that the clothes came from the Czar his wardrobe, and were but lent him to make my mouth water: for 'tis the commonest of customs at the Russian court: and that the reader may understand how 'tis managed, I will give him an instance of mine own self. For once was I busied with taking order at the powder-mills (which I caused to be built on the river outside Moscow) as to what task one and the other of the people assigned to me should perform that day and the next, when of a sudden there was an alarm that the Tartars, 100,000 horse strong, were but four miles away plundering the country and advancing continually: so must I and my people needs betake ourselves to the palace, to be equipped out of the Czar's armoury and stables. And I for my part, in place of a cuirass, was clad in a quilted silk breastplate that would stop any arrow, but could not keep out any bullet: moreover boots and spurs and a princely head-dress with a heron plume, and a sabre that would split a hair, mounted with pure gold and studded with precious stones, were given to me, and of the Czar's horses such an one was put between my legs as I had never seen the like of in my life, far less ridden; so I and my horses blazed with gold, silver, pearls and precious stones. I had a steel mace hanging by me that shone like a mirror, and was so well made and heavy that I had easily beaten to death any that I dealt a blow with it, so that the Czar himself could not ride into battle better equipped: and there followed me a white standard with a double eagle to which the people flocked from all sides and corners, so that before two hours were over we were forty thousand strong and after four hours nigh sixty thousand, with whom we marched against the Tartars; and every quarter of an hour I had my orders from the Czar; which yet were but this, that I should this day approve myself a soldier, having given myself out for one, that his Majesty might as such esteem and recognise me. So every moment our troop was increased with great and small soldiers and officers; yet in all this haste could I discover none that should command the whole body, or array the battle. It needs not that I should tell all, for my story is not much concerned with this encounter. I will but say this only, that we came suddenly upon the Tartars in a valley or deep dip in the land, encumbered with tired horses and much booty, and least of all expecting us; whom we attacked on all sides with such fury that at the very onset we scattered them. There at the first attack I called to my followers in the Russian speech, "Come now, let each do as I do!" and that they all shouted to one another, while I with a loose rein charged at the enemy, and of the first I met, which was a Mirza or prince's son, I cleft the head in twain, so that his brains were left hanging on my steel mace. This heroical example did the Russians follow, so that the Tartars might not withstand their attack, but turned to a general flight, while I dealt like a madman, or rather like one that from desperation seeketh death and cannot find it, for I smote down all that came before me, Tartar and Russian alike; and they that were commanded by the Czar to watch me followed me so hard that I had ever my back guarded. There was the air so full of arrows as it had been swarms of bees, of which my share was one in the arm; for I had turned back my sleeve that so with less hindrance I might use my sword and came to cleave and batter; and until I received the wound my heart did laugh within me at such bloodshed; but when I saw mine own blood flow, that laughter was turned into a mad fury.
So when these savage foes had been put to flight, it was commanded me by divers nobles in the name of the Czar that I should carry to their emperor the news how the Tartars had been defeated: and at their bidding I rode back with some hundred horsemen at my heels, with whom I rode through the town to the Czar's palace, and was by all men received with triumph and gratulation; but so soon as I had made my report of the battle (albeit the Czar had already news of all that happened) I must again doff my princely apparel, which was again stored away in the Czar his wardrobe, though both it and the horse trappings were bespattered and befouled all over with blood and so almost entirely ruinated; whereas I had thought, since I had borne myself so knightly in the encounter, the clothes should at least have been left me, together with the horse, for a reward. But from this I could well judge how 'twas managed with the Russian robe of state of which my colonel made use; for 'tis all but lent finery which, like all else in Russia, pertaineth to the Czar alone.