"If beards long and bushy true wisdom denote,Then Plato must bow to a hairy he-goat!"
"If beards long and bushy true wisdom denote,Then Plato must bow to a hairy he-goat!"
What would an educated foreigner—Kossuth, for instance, who learned Englishby the study of Shakspeare—make of the following specimens of colloquial American language?
"Do tell, Jul," exclaimed a young lady, "wherehaveyou been marvelling to? You look like Time in the primer!"
"No you don't," returned the young lady addressed, "you can't come it over dis chil'!"
"No, no," chimed in a youth of the party, "you can't come it quite, Miss Lib! Don't try to poke fun at us!"
"You've all beensparkingin the woods, I guess!"
"Oh, ho," laughed one of the speakers, "I thought you'd get it through your hair, at last—that's rich!"
"Why!" retorted the interlocutor, tartly, "do you think I don't know tother from which?"
"I think you 'know beans' as well as most Hoosiers," replied her particular admirer, in a tone of unmistakable blandishment.
"Everybody knows Jul'ssome pumpkins," admitted one of her fair companions.
"Come, Jul, rig yourself in a jiffy," said a bonny lassie, who had not yet spoken, "you are in for a spree!"
"What's in the wind—who's to stand the shot?" cautiously inquired the damsel addressed.
"We're bound on a spree, I tell you! You must begreento think we'll own the corn now! Come, fix up, immediately, if not sooner!" so saying, the energetic speaker seized her friend round the waist and gallopaded her out of the room.
Presently some one said, "Well, Jul and Lotty have made themselves scarce!—I——by George, it makes a fellow open his potato-trap to hang around waitin' so," and an expansive yawn attested the sincerity of this declaration.
"I could scare up my traps a heap sight quicker, I reckon, and tote 'em too, from here to the river, nigger fashion," rejoined a Southerner, of the group.
"Some chicken fixins and pie doins wouldn't be so bad—would they, though?" whispered a tall, Western man to his next neighbor.
"And a little suthin to wet your whistle, too," added another, overhearing the remark—"you're a trump, anyhow!"
"Then you dokill a snake, sometimes, Mr. Smith," inquired one of his auditors, smiling significantly.
"Does your anxious mother know you're out?" retorted Mr. Smith, twirling his fingers on his nose.
"Don't be wrathy, Smith—what's your tipple, old fellow?" put in one of the young men, soothingly stroking the broad shoulders of that interesting youth.
"You're E Pluribus—you're a brick," returned Mr. Smith, softening, "but where in thunder are those female women? They'ave sloped and given us the mitten, I spose"——
"You ain't posted up, my boy, if you think they'd given us the slip," answered his friend.
"By jingo! it takes the patience of allthe world and the rest of mankind to dance attendance upon them—they ain't as peart as ourgals o' wind!" cried Mr. Smith, in an ecstasy of impatience.
"How's your ma, Mr. John Smith?" inquired the merry voice of "Jul," who had entered unperceived, "you'd better dry up!"
"Here we are, let's be off," shouted a young gentleman.
"All aboard," echoed another.
"Now we'll go it with a rush!" burst from a third, and, suiting the action to the word, mydramatis personævanished like the wind.
Having the happiness to pass a morning at theLouvrewith my early and lamented friend, Washington Allston, he said to me, as arm in arm we sauntered slowly through one of the Galleries—"Come and study one of my particular favorites with me—one might as well attempt to taste all the nondescript dishes at a Chinese state-dinner as to enjoy every picture in a collection, at a single visit. I do not even glance at more than one or two, unless I know that I shall have months before me for renewing my inspection—better take away one distinct recollection, to add to one'sprivate collection, than half a dozen confused, imperfect copies!"
I think it was aMurillobefore which the artist paused while speaking; the celebrated work representing a monk, who had been interrupted by death while writing his own biography, as being permitted to return to earth to complete his self-imposed task. I am not sure but this picture, however, was added some years later to the treasures of the Louvre, by Napoleon—for we were both young men then—however, it matters not. I was quite as much occupied in observing theliving picturebefore me, as that of the great master. And, though memory has proved somewhat treacherous, I still vividly recollect the spiritualized face of this true child of genius, as he contemplated the magnificent impersonation. His brow grew radiant, and his eye! ah, who shall portray that soul-lit eye, or justly record the poetic language that fell, almost unconsciously, from his half-inspired lips! Sacredly are they cherished among the hoarded memories of youthful friendship? It was only my purpose to recall for your benefit the opinion and practice of one so fully competent to advise in relation to our subject.
What Disraeli has somewhere said of eating, may, with equal nicety of epicureanism, be applied to the enjoyment of Ideal Art, and of that of which it is the type—natural beauty:—"To eat, really to eat," asserts the discriminatingly sensuous Jew, "one should eat alone, in an easy dress, by a soft light, and of a single dish at a time!" For myself—but there's no accounting for tastes!—I should desire on all such occasions,
"One fair spirit for my minister,"
or rather, for my sympathizing companion!
As an illustration of the advantage to a man in public life, ofready elocution and ready wit, let me sketch for you a little scene of which I was theamused and interested witness, one morning some months ago, while on a visit at Washington.
AChaplainwas to be elected for the House of Representatives. General Granger, of New York, proposed a Soldier of the Revolution as well as of the Cross—the Rev. Mr. Waldo—adding a few impressive facts in relation to his venerable and interesting friend—as that he was then in his ninety-fourth year, had borne arms for his country in his youth, etc.
Upon this, some member, upon theopposition benches, as the English say, called out:
"What are his claims? where did he serve?"
"The gentleman will permit me to refer him to the Pension Office," returned General Granger, with the most smiling urbanity; "he will there find the more satisfactory answer to his queries."
"What are Mr. Waldo's politics?"
"Though a most amiable gentleman and devout Christian, he belongs, sir, to—theChurch Militant!"
"Is he aFilibuster?"
"Even so, sir! Mr. Waldo filibustered for theOld Thirteen, against George the Third, in the American Revolution!"
I am, my dear boys, as ever,Your affectionate,"Uncle Hal."
Footnotes:[13]Speaking in one of his public lectures, of the recent discovery (amid the eternal snows of Siberia, I think), of the carcass of amastodon, upon which the hunting-dogs of the explorers had fed—"Thus," said the great naturalist, "did modern dogs gorge themselves upon antediluvian beef!"
[13]Speaking in one of his public lectures, of the recent discovery (amid the eternal snows of Siberia, I think), of the carcass of amastodon, upon which the hunting-dogs of the explorers had fed—"Thus," said the great naturalist, "did modern dogs gorge themselves upon antediluvian beef!"
[13]Speaking in one of his public lectures, of the recent discovery (amid the eternal snows of Siberia, I think), of the carcass of amastodon, upon which the hunting-dogs of the explorers had fed—"Thus," said the great naturalist, "did modern dogs gorge themselves upon antediluvian beef!"
HABIT.
My dear Friends:
Ifyou wish to have power to say, in the words of the imperial slave of the beautiful Egyptian,
"Let me, . . . . . . .With those hands that grasp'd the heaviest club,Subdue my worthiestself,"
"Let me, . . . . . . .With those hands that grasp'd the heaviest club,Subdue my worthiestself,"
you must not wholly overlook the importance ofHabit, while establishing your system of life.
Always indicative of character, habit may yet, to a certain extent, do us the greatest injustice, through mere inadvertency. Indeed, few young persons attach much importance to such matters, until compelled by necessity to unlearn, with a painful effort, what has been insensibly acquired.
Permit me, then, a few random suggestions, intended rather to awaken your attention to this branch of a polite education, than to furnish elaborate directions in relation to it.
Judging from the prevalent tone of social intercourse among our countrymen, both at home andabroad, one might naturally make the inference, that most of them regardRudenessandRepublicanismas synonymous terms. Depend upon it, that as a people, we are retrograding on this point. Our upper class—or what would fain be deemed such—in society, may more successfully imitate the fashionable follies and conventional peculiarities of the Old World, than their predecessors upon the stage of action did; but fashion is not good breeding, any more than arrogant assumption, or a defiant independence of the amenities of life, is true manliness. Breaking away from the ceremonious old school of habit and manner, we are rapidly running into the opposite extreme, and the masses who, with little time or inclination for personal reflection, on such subjects, naturally take their clue, to some extent, from the assumed exponents of the laws of the fickle goddess, exaggerating the value of the defective models they seek to imitate, into the grossest caricature of the whole, and, mistaking rudeness for ease, and impudence for independence, so defy all abstract propriety, as, if not to "make the angels weep," at least to mortify and disgust all observant, thinking men, whose love and pride of country sees in trifles even, indications more or less auspicious to national advancement.
All this defiance of social restraint, this professed contempt for the suavities and graces that should redeem existence from the complete engrossment of actualities, is bad enough at home; but its exhibition abroad is doubly humiliating to our national dignity. Every American who visits foreign countries, whetheras the accredited official representative of his government, or simply in the character of a private citizen, owes a duty to his native land, as one of those by the observance of whom strangers are forming an estimate of the social and political advancement of the people who are making the great experiment of the world, and upon whom the eyes of all are fixed with a peculiar and scrutinizing interest.
It has been well said of us, in this regard, that "our worst slavery is the slavery to ourselves." Trammelled by the narrowest social prejudices at home, Americans, breaking loose from these restraints abroad, run riot, like ill-mannered school-boys, suddenly released from the discipline which, from its very severity, prompts them to indulge in the extreme of license. Thus, we lately had accounts of the humiliating conduct of some Americans, who, being guests one night at the Tuileries, actually so far forgot all decency as to intrude their drunken impertinence upon the personal observation of the Emperor! And, when informed, the next morning, that, at the instance of their insulted host, the police had followed them, when they left the palace, to ascertain whether they were not suspicious characters who had surreptitiously obtained admittance to the imperial fête, they are reported to have pronounced the intelligence "rich!" Shame on such exhibitions!—they disgrace us nationally.
If our countrymen would be content to learn from older peoples on these points, it would be well. In the Elegant and Ideal Arts, in Literature, in generalScience, the superiority of our predecessors in the history of Progress, is cheerfully admitted. Can we, then, learn nothing from the matured civilization of the Old World in regard to theArt of Living? Shall we defy the race to which we belong, on this point alone? This secret is possessed in greatest perfection by those who have longest studied its details, and some long existent nations who display little practical wisdom in matters of political science, are greybeard sages here. So then, let us learn from them what they can easily save us the trouble of acquiring by difficult experiments for ourselves, and, concentrating our energies upon higher objects, give them back a full equivalent for their knowledge of the best mode of serving theLares, theMuses, and theGraces, by a successful illustration of the truth, thatas a people we are capable of self-government! We shall, then, no longer have the wife of an American minister ignorantly invading the Court Rules at Madrid, by sporting the colors sacred to royal attire there, and so giving occasion for national offense, as well as individual conflict, nor furnish Punch with material for the admonitory reflection that the bond of family union between John Bull and his cousin Jonathan must be somewhat uncertain "when so small a matter as thetie of a cravat can materially affect the price of stocks!" And, when vulgar bluster and braggadocio are no longer mistaken for the proper assertion of national and individual independence, we shall not have an American gentleman who, like our justly-distinguished countryman, George Peabody, constantly exhibits the most urbane courtesy, alike towards foreigners and towards the citizens of the native country to which his life has been one prolonged pæan, accused oftoadying, because he quietly conforms to the social usages of the people among whom he lives!
But pardon me these generalities. I have been unintentionally led into them, I believe, by my keen sense of mortification at some of the incidents to which I have alluded.
Coming then to details, let us, primarily, resolve to be slaves to nothing and to no one—neither to others nor to ourselves; and to endeavor to establish such habits as shall entitle each of us, in the estimation of discriminating observers, to the distinctive name ofgentleman.
Constant association with well-bred and well-educated society, cannot be too highly estimated as an assistant in the acquisition of the attributes of which we propose to speak. A taste for such companionship may be sostrengthened by habit as to form a strong barrier to the desired indulgence of grosser inclinations. "Show me your friends, and I'll tell you what you are," is a pithy Spanish proverb. Choose yours, I earnestly entreat, in early life, with a view to self-improvement and self-respect. And, while on this point, permit me to warn you against mistaking pretension, wealth, or position, for intrinsic merit; or the advantages of equality in elevated social rank, for an equivalent to mental cultivation, or moral dignity.
One of the collateral benefits resulting from proper social associations, will be an escape fromeccentricitiesof manner, dress, language, etc.; erroneous habits in relation to which, when once established, often cling to a man through all the changes of time and circumstance.
But, as observation proves that this, though a safeguard, is by no means always a sufficient defense, it is well to resort to various precautions, additionally—as a prudent general not only carefully inspects the ramparts that guard his fortress, but stations sentinels, who shall be on the look-out for approaching foes.
So then, my dear boys, do not regard me as descending to puerilities unworthy of myself and you, when I call your attention to such matters as your attitude in standing and sitting, or any other little individualizing peculiarities.
Some men fall into a habit of walking and standing with their heads run out before them, as if doubtful of their right to keep themselves on a line with their fellow-creatures. Others, again, either elevate the shoulders unnaturally, or draw them forward so as to impede the full, healthful play of the lungs. This last is too much the peculiar habit ofstudents, and contracted by stooping over their books, undoubtedly. Then again, you see persons swinging their arms, and see-sawing their bodies from side to side, so as to monopolize a good deal more than their rightful share of a crowded thoroughfare, steamer cabin, or drawing-room floor. Nothing is moreuncomfortable than walking arm in arm with such a man. He pokes his elbows into your ribs, pushes you against passers-by, shakes you like a reed in the wind, and, perhaps, knocks your hat into the gutter with his umbrella—and all with the most good-humored unconsciousness of his annoying peculiarity. If you are so unfortunate as to be shut up in a carriage with him, his restless propensity relieves itself to the great disturbance of the reserved rights of ladies, and the frequent impalement upon his protruding elbows of fragments of fringe, lace, and small children! At table, if it be possible, his neighbors gently and gradually withdraw from his immediate vicinity, leaving aclearingto his undisputed possession. He usually may be observed to stoop forward, while eating, with his plate a good foot from the customary locality of that convenience, pushed before him towards the middle of the table, and his arms so adjusted that his elbows play out and in, like the sweep of a pair of oars.
A little seasonable attention to these things will effectually prevent a man of sense from falling into such peculiarities. Early acquire the habit of standing and walking with your chest thrown out—your head erect—your abdomen receding rather than protruding—not leaning back any more than forward—with your armsscientificallyadjusted—your hat on thetop(not on the back, or on one side) of your head—with a self-poised and firm, but elastic tread; not a tramp, like a war-horse; not a stride, like a fugitive bandit; not a mincing step, like a conjurertreading on eggs; but, with a compact, manly, homogeneous sort of bearing and movement.
Where there has been any discipline at least, if not always, inklings of character may be drawn from these tokens in the outer man. For instance—the light, quick, cat-like step of Aaron Burr, was as much a part of the man as the Pandemonium gleam that lurked in the depths of his dark, shadowed eyes. I remember the one characteristic as distinctly as the other, when I recall his small person and peculiar face. So with the free, firm pace by which the noble port of De Witt Clinton was accompanied—one recognized, at a glance, the high intellect, the lofty manhood, embodied there.
Crossing the legs, elevating the feet, lounging on one side, lolling back, etc., though quite excusable in theabandonof bachelor seclusion, should never be indulged in where ceremony is properly required. In the company of ladies, particularly, too much care cannot be exhibited in one's attitudes. It is then suitable to sit upright, with the feet on the floor, and the hands quietly adjusted before one, either holding the hat and stick (as when paying a morning visit), or the dress-hat carried in the evening, or, to give ease, on occasion, a book, roll of paper, or the like. Habits of refinement once established, a man feels at ease—he can trust himself, without watching, to benatural—and nothing conduces more to grace and elegance than this quiet consciousness. Let me add, that true comfort, real enjoyment are no better secured under any circumstances, by indulging in anythingthat isintrinsically unrefined, and that a certainhabitual self-restraintis the best guarantee of ease, propriety and elegance, when a man would fain do entire justice to himself.
Habits connected with matters of the table, as indeed with all sensuous enjoyments, should always be such as not to suggest to others ideas of merely selfish animal gratification. Among minor characteristics, few are so indicative of genuine good-breeding as a man's mode ofeating. Upon Poor Richard's principle, that "nothing is worth doing at all that is not worth doing well," one may very properly attach some consequence to the formation of correct habits in relation to occasions of such very frequent recurrence. It is well, therefore, to learn to sit uprightly at table, to keep one's individual "aids and appliances" compactly arranged; to avoid all noise and hurry in the use of these conveniences; neither to mince, nor fuss with one's food; nor yet to swallow it as a boa-constrictor does his,—rolled over in the mouth and boltedwhole; or worse still, to open the mouth, to such an extent as to remind observers that alligators arehalf mouth. Eating with a knife, or with the fingers; soiling the lips; using the fork or the fingers as a tooth-pick; makingaudiblethe process of mastication, or of drinking; taking soup from thepointof a spoon; lolling forward upon the table, or with the elbows upon the table; soiling the cloth with what should be kept upon the plate; putting one's private utensils into dishes of whichothers partake; in short, everything that is odd, or coarse, should nowhere be indulged in.
Cut your meat, or whatever requires the use of the knife, and, leaving that dangerous instrument conveniently on one side of your plate, eat with your fork, using a bit of bread to aid, when necessary, in taking up your food neatly.
When partaking of anything too nearly approaching a liquid to be eaten with a fork, as stewed tomato, or cranberry,sopit with small pieces of bread;—aspoonis not used while eating meats and their accompaniments. Never take up large bones in the fingers, nor bite Indian corn from a mammoth ear. (In the latter case, a longcobrunning out of a man's mouth on either side, is suggestive of the mode in which the snouts of dressed swine are adorned for market!) If you prefer not to cut the grain from the ear, break it into small pieces and cut the rows lengthwise, before commencing to eat this vegetable.
When you wish to send your plate for anything, retain your knife and fork, and either keep them together in your hand, or rest them upon your bread, so as not to soil the cloth.
Should you have occasion for a tooth-pick, hold your napkin, or your hand, before your mouth while applying it, and on no account resort to theperceptibleassistance of the tongue in freeing the mouth or teeth from food.
Have sufficient self-control, when so unfortunateas to be disgusted with anything in your food, to refrain from every outward manifestation of annoyance, and if possible, to conceal from others all participation in your discovery.
Accustom yourself to addressing servants while at table, in a low, but intelligible tone, and to a good-natured endurance of their blunders.
Avoid the appearance of self-engrossment, or of abstraction while eating, and, for the sake of health of mind and body, acquire the practice of a cheerful interchange of both civilities and ideas with those who may be, even temporarily, your associates.
It is now becoming usual among fashionable people in this country to adopt the French mode of conducting ceremonious dinners, that of placing such portions of the dessert as will admit of it, upon the table, together with plateaux of flowers, and other ornaments, and having the previous courses served and carved upon side-tables, and offered to each guest by the attendants. But it will be long before this custom obtains generally, as a daily usage, even among the wealthier classes. It will, so far continue rather an exception than a rule, that theart of carvingshould be regarded as well worth acquiring, both as a matter of personal convenience, and as affording the means of obliging others. Like every other habit connected with matters of the table, exquisiteneatnessand discrimination should characterize the display of this gentlemanly accomplishment. Aim at dexterous and rapid manipulation, and shun the semblance of hurry, labor, orfatigue.Familiarity with theanatomyof poultry and game, will greatly facilitate ease and grace in carving.
Always help ladies with a remembrance of the moderation and fastidiousness of their appetites. If possible, give them the choice of selection in the cuts of meats, especially of birds and poultry.
Never pour gravy upon a plate, without permission. A little of the filling of fowls may be put with portions of them, because that is easily laid aside, without spoiling the meat, as gravy does, for many persons.
All meats served in mass, should be carved inthin slices, and each laid upon one side of the plate, carefully avoiding soiling the edge, or offending the delicacy of ladies, in particular, by too-ensanguined juices.
Different kinds of food should never be mixed on the plate. Keep each portion of the accompaniments of your meats neatly separated, and, where youpay for decency and comfort, take it as a matter of course that your plate, knife, and fork are to be changed as often as you partake of a different dish of meat.
Fishis eaten with bread and condiments only; and the various kinds of meat with vegetables appropriate to each.Game, when properly cooked and served, requires only a bit of bread with it.
By those who best understand the art of eating,butteris never taken with meats or vegetables. The latter, in their simple state, as potatoes, should be eaten with salt; most of them need no condiment, inaddition to those with which they are dressed before coming to table. Salads, of course, are prepared according to individual taste; but the well-instructed take butter at dinner only after, or as a substitute for, the course of pastry, etc. with bread, if at all. The English make a regular course of bread, cheese, and butter, preceding the dessert proper—nuts, fruit, etc.; but they never eat both butter and cheese at the same time.
Skins of baked potatoes, rinds of fruit, etc., etc., should never be put upon the cloth; butbread, both at dinner and breakfast, is placed on the table, at the left side of the plate, except it be the small bit used to facilitate the use of the fork.
Never drum upon the table between the courses, fidget in your chair, or with your dress, or in any manner indicate impatience of due order and deliberation, or indifference to the conversation of those about you. Agentlemanwill take time to dine decorously and comfortably. Those whose subserviency toanything, or any one, prevents this, are notfreemen!
Holding, as I do, that
"To enjoy is to obey,"
let me call your attention, in this connection, to the truth that the pleasures of the table consist not so much in thequantityeaten as in themode of eating. A moderate amount of simple food, thoroughly and deliberately masticated, and partaken of with the agreeable accessories of quiet, neatness and socialcommunion, will not only be more beneficial to the physical man, but afford more positive enjoyment, than a larger number of dishes, when hurriedly eaten in greater quantities.
I have frequently remarked among our young countrymen a peculiarity which a moment's reflection will convince you is exceedingly injurious to health—that of swallowing an enormous amount of fluid at every meal. Reflect that the human stomach is scarcely so large as one of the goblets which is repeatedly emptied at dinner, by most men, and that all liquids taken into that much-abused organ, must be absorbed before the assimilation of solid food commences, and you will see, at once, what a violation of the natural laws this practice involves. Here, again, is one of the evil effects of the fast-eating of fast Americans. Hurrying almost to feverishness, at table, and only half masticating their food, the assistance ofice-wateris invoked to facilitate the process of swallowing, and to allay the more distressing symptoms produced by haste and fatigue!
Before we leave these little matters, let us return for an instant, to that of thepositionassumed whilesitting. The "Yankee" peculiarity, so often ridiculed by foreigners, of tipping the chair back upon the two hind feet, is not yet obsolete, even in our "best society." Occasionally some uninstructed rustic finds his way into a fashionable drawing-room, where "modern antique furniture," as the manufacturers call it in their advertisements, elicits all theproverbial ingenuity of his native land, to enable him to indulge in his favorite attitude. "I thought I saw the ghost of my chair!" said a fair friend to me, as soon as a visitor had left us together, one morning, not long since. "I was really distressed by his efforts to tilt it back—these fashionable chairs are so frail, and he would have been intensely mortified had he broken it! Have you seen the last 'Harper,' Colonel?"
Do not permit yourself, through an indifference to trifles, to fall into any unrefined habits in the use of the handkerchief, etc., etc. Boring the ears with the fingers, chafing the limbs, sneezing with unnecessary sonorousness, and even a too fond and ceaseless caressing of the moustache, are in bad taste. Everything connected withpersonaldiscomfort, with the mere physique, should be as unobtrusively attended to as possible.
When associated with women of cultivation and refinement—and you should addict yourself to no other female society—you cannot attend too carefully to the niceties of personal habit. Sensitive, fastidious, and very observant ofminutiæ—indeed often judging of character bydetails—you will inevitably lose ground with these discriminating observers, if neglectful of the trifles that go far towards constituting theamenities of social life. An elegant modern writer is authority for the fact that the Gauls attributed to woman, "an additional sense—thedivine sense." Perhaps the Creator may have bestowed this gift upon the defenseless sex, asa counterpoise to the superior strength and power of man, even as he has given to the more helpless of the lower creatures swiftness of motion, instead of capacity for resistance. But be that as it may, no man should permit himself any habit that will not bear the scrutiny of thisdivine sense—much less, one that will outrage all its fine perceptions.
Apropos ofdetails—I will take leave to warn you against theswaggering mannerthat some young men, whose bearing is otherwise unexceptionable, fall into among strangers, apparently with the mistaken idea that they will thus best sustain their claims to an unequivocal position in society. So in the sitting-rooms at hotels, in the pump-rooms at watering-places, on the decks of steamers, etc., persons whose juvenility entitles them to be classed with those who have nursery authority for being "seen and not heard," are frequently the most conspicuous and noisy. Shallow, indeed, must be the discernment of observers who conceive a favorable impression of a young man from such an exhibition!
In company, do not stand, or walk about while others sit, nor sit while others stand—especially ladies. Acquire a light step, particularly for in-door use, and aquietmode of conducting yourself, generally. Ladies and invalids will not then dread your presence as dangerous—like that of a rampant war-horse, ill-taught to
"Caper nimbly in a lady's chamber!"
If you are fond of playing at chess and other games, it will be worth your while to observe yourself until you have fixed habits of entire politeness, under such circumstances. All unnecessary movements, every manifestation of impatience or petulance, and all exultation when successful, should be repressed. Thus, while seeking amusement, you may acquire self-control.
Begin early to remember that health and good spirits are easily impaired, and thathabitwill materially assist us in the patient endurance of suffering we should manifest for the sake of those about us—attendants, friends, "the bosom-friend dearer than all," whom no philosophy can teach insensibility to the semblance of unkindness from one enthroned in her affections.
Don't fall into the habit, because you are a branch of theLunettesfamily, of using glasses prematurely.Studentsare much in error here. Every young divinity-student, especially, seems emulous of this troublesome appendage. Depend on it, this is all wrong, either absurd affectation, or ignorance equally unfortunate.
Ladies, it is said, are thereadersof America, but who ever sees the dear creatures donning spectacles in youth? Enter a female college and look for the glasses that, were the youthful devotees of learning there assembled of the other sex, would deform half the faces you observe. Much better were it to inform yourselves of the laws of optics, and use the organs now so generally abused by the young, judiciously,resting them, when giving indications of being overtaxed, rather than endeavoring to supply artificial aid to their natural strength. Students, especially, should always read and write with theback to the light, so seated that the light falls not upon the eyes, but upon the book or paper before them. That reminds me, too, how important it is that one should notstoop forwardmore constantly than is necessary, while engaged in sedentary pursuits, but lean back rather than forward, as much as possible, throwing out the chest at the same time. Many books admit of being raised in the hand, in aid of this practice, and the habit of rising occasionally, and expanding the chest, and straightening the limbs will be found to relieve the weariness of the sedentary.
But nothing so effectually prevents injury to health, from studious habits, asearly rising. This gives time for the out-door exercise that is so requisite as well as for the use of the eyes bydaylight. There is a great deal of nonsense mixed up with our literature, which seizes the fancy of the young, because embodied in poetry, or clothed with the charm of fiction. Of this nature is what we read about, "trimming the midnight lamp," to search for the Pierean spring. Obey the
"Breezy call of incense-breathing morn,"
and she will environ you with a joyous band of blooming Hours, and guide you gaily and lightlytowards sparkling waters, whose properties are Knowledge and Health!
But if you would habitually rise early, you must not permit every trivial temptation to prevent your alsoretiring early. The laws of fashionable life are sorely at variance with those of Health, on this point, as well as upon many others; but, happily, they are notabsolute, and those who have useful purposes to accomplish each day, must withstand the tyranny of this arbitrary despot. Time for the toilet, for exercise, for intellectual culture and mental relaxation, is thus best secured. By using the earlier hours of each day for our most imperative occupations, we are far less at the mercy of contingent circumstances than we can become by any other system of life. "Solitude," says Gibbon, "is the school of Genius," and the advantages of this tuition are most certainly secured before the idlers of existence are abroad!
Avoid the habit of regarding yourself as an invalid, and of taking nostrums. A knowledge and observance of the rules ofDieteticsare often better than the concentered wisdom of a Dispensary, abstinence more effective than medical applications, and the recuperative power of Nature, when left to work out her own restoration, frequently superior to the most skillful aid of learned research. But when compelled to avail yourself of medical assistance, seek that whichscienceandintegrityrender safest. No sensible man, one would think, will intrust the best boon of earth to the merciless experiments of unprincipled andignorant charlatans, or credulously swallow quack medicines recommended by old women: and yet, while people employ the most accomplished hatter, tailor, and boot-maker, whose services they can secure, they will give up theinnerman to the influence of such impositions upon the credulity of humanity!
Assuming, as an accepted truth, that it is your purpose, through life, to admit the rights of our fair tyrants
"In court or cottage, wheresoe'er their home,"
I will commend to you the early acquisition of habits appropriate to our relations to women as theirprotectors. In dancing, riding, driving, walking, boating, travelling, etc., etc.,—wherever the sexes are brought together in this regard (and where are they not, indeed, when commingled at all?)—observe the gentle courtesies, exhibit the watchful care, that go far towards constituting the settled charms of such intercourse. It is not to be forgotten, as I think I have before remarked, that women judge of character, often, from trifling details; thus, any well-bred woman will be able to tell you which of her acquaintances habitually removes his hat, or throws aside his cigar, when addressing her, and who, of all others, is most watchful for her comfort, when she is abroad under his escort. Be sure, too, that this same fair one could confess, if she would make a revelation on the subject, exactly what men she shuns because they break her fans, disarrange her bouquets, tear herflounces, touch her paintings and prints with moist fingers (instead of merelypointingto some part) handle delicatebijouteriewith dark gloves, dance with uncovered hands, etc., etc. But even if you are herconfidant, she will not tell you how often her quick sensibility is wounded by fancying herself the subject of thesmirks,whispers, andknowing glancesin which some men indulge when grouped with their kindred bipeds, in society!
At the risk of subjecting myself to the charge of repetition, I will endeavor, before concluding this letter, to enumerate such Habits as, in addition to those of which I have already spoken, I deem most entitled to the attention of those who are establishing a system of life.
Habits of reading and studyingonce thoroughly formed, are invaluable, not only as affording a ready resource againstennui, or idleness, everywhere and under all circumstances, but as necessarily involving the acquisition of knowledge, even when of the most desultory character. It is wonderful how much general information may be gleaned by this practice of readingsomethingwhenever one has a few spare grains of the "gold-dust of Time,"—minutes. I once found a remarkably well-informed woman of my acquaintance waiting to make breakfast for her husband and me, with a little olddictionaryopen in her hand. "For what word are you looking, so early?" I inquired, as I discovered the character of the volume she held. "For no one in particular," returned she, "but one can always add to one'sstores from any book, were it only in the matter ofspelling." But the true way, of course, to derive most advantage from this enjoyment is tosystematizein relation to it, reading well-selected books with care and attention sufficient to enable us permanently to add the information they contain to our previous mental possessions.
You will only need to be reminded how much ease and elegance inReading alouddepend uponhabit.
Without theHabit of Industry, good resolutions, the most sincere desire for self-improvement, and the most desirable natural gifts, will be of comparatively little avail for the practical purposes of existence. This unpretending attribute, together withSystemandRegularity, has achieved more for the good of the race, than all the erratic efforts of genius combinedly.
"Don't run about," says a sensible writer, "and tell your acquaintances you have been unfortunate; people do not like to have unfortunate men for acquaintances. Add to a vigorous determination, a cheerful spirit; if reverses come, bear them like a philosopher, and get rid of them as soon as you can."CheerfulnessandContentment, like every other mental quality, may be cultivated until they materially assist us in enduring
"The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,"
and early attention to the attainment of these mental habits is a matter of both personal and relative duty.
Cherishself-respectas, next to a firm religiousfaith, the best safeguard to respectability and peace of mind. Entirely consistent with—indeed, in a degree, productive of the most careful consideration of the rights of others, the legitimate development of this quality will tend to preserve you from unwise confidences, from injudicious intimacies, and from gross indulgences and unworthy pursuits. This will sustain you in the manly acknowledgment ofpoverty, if that shall chance to be your lot, when pride and principle contend for the mastery in practical matters, and enable you to realize fully, that
"To bear, is to conquer our fate!"
This will strengthen you to the endurance of that which nothing but absolute insignificance can escape—calumny. It will preserve you alike from an undue eagerness in defending yourself from unjust aspersion, and from a servile fear of "the world's dread laugh," from meriting and from resenting scandal, and convince you that its most effectual contradiction consists in avirtuous life. By listening to the dictates of this powerfulcoadjutor of conscience, you will believe with the poet, that
"Honor and Fame from noconditionrise,"
and thus, with straightforward and unvarying purpose, illustrate your adoption of the motto,
"Act well your part, there all the honor lies!"
While I would earnestly counsel you to avoid that constantself-consciousnesswhich is nearly allied tovanity and egotism, if not identical with them, you will find the habitual practice ofself-examinationgreatly conducive to improvement. A calm, impartial analysis of words and actions, tracing each to their several motives, must tend to assist us toknow ourselves, which an ancient philosopher, you may remember, pronounced the highest human attainment. Arraign yourself, without the advantage ofspecial pleading, to borrow a legal phrase, at the bar of conscience, regarding this arbiter as the voice of Divinity enshrined within us, whenever assailed by doubts respecting any course of conduct you have adopted, or propose to adopt, and where you are thus taught to draw the line of demarcation between right and wrong,
"Let that aye be your border."
In this connection permit me to recommend the regular study of theBible, and a systematic attendance upon public worship on the Sabbath. Do not read this most wonderful of books asa task, nor yet permit the trammels of early associations, hereditary prejudice, or blind superstition, to interfere with your search for the truths contained in its pages. Try to read the Scriptures as you would any other book, with the aid of such collateral information as you may be able to obtain respecting the origin of the several, and wholly, distinct productions of which it is composed, the authors of each, the purposes for which they were composed, and, in short, possess yourself of every available means of giving reality,simplicity, and truthfulness to your investigations. Study theLife of Christ, as written by the personal friends who were most constantly and intimately associated with him. Ponder upon his familiar sayings, remembered, and recorded in their simple memoranda, by the unlettered men who most frequently listened to them, compare the acts of Christ with his doctrines as a teacher, and judge for yourselves whether history, ancient or modern, has any parallel for thePerfection of the Modelthus exhibited to the human race. Decide whether he was not the only earthly being who "never did an injury, never resented one done to him, never uttered an untruth, never practised a deception, and never lost an opportunity of doing good." Having determined this point in your own minds, adopt this glorious pattern for imitation, and adhere to it, until you find a truer and better model. We have nothing to do in judging of this matter with the imperfect illustrations afforded by the lives of professed imitators of Christ of the perfectibility to which his teachings tend. Why look to indifferent copies, when the great original is ever before us! Why seek in the frailty and fallibility of human nature a justification of personal distrust and indifference?
Nogentleman—to come to practicalities again—will indulge in ridiculing what intelligent, enlightened persons receive as truth, on any point, much less upon this. Nor will a well-bred man permit himself the habit of beinglate at church—were it only that those who stand in aservile relation to others, areoften deprived of time for suitable preliminaries of the toilet, etc., he will carefully avoid this vulgarity.
The tendency tomaterialism, so strongly characterizing the age in which we live, produces, among its pernicious collateral effects, a disposition to reduce "Heaven's last, best gift to man" to the same practical standard by which we judge of all matters of the outer life,—ofeach otherespecially. Well might Burke deplore the departure of the Age of Chivalry! But not even the prophetic eye of genius could discern the degeneracy that was to increase so rapidly, from the day in which he wrote, to this. As a mere matter of personal gratification, I would cherish the inclination toidealizein regard to the fairer part of creation! There is enough that is stern, hard, baldly utilitarian, in life; we have no need to rob this "one fair spirit" of every poetic attribute, by system! Few habits have so much the effect to elevate us above the clods we tread ploddingly over in the dreary highway of mortal existence, as that of investing woman with the purest, highest attributes of our common nature, and bearing ourselves towards her in accordance with these elevated sentiments. And when compelled, in individual instances, to set aside these cherished impressions, let nothing induce us to forget thatpassive, silent forbearanceis our only resource. True manhood can never become the active antagonist ofdefencelessness.
I am almost ashamed to remind you of the grossimpropriety of speaking loosely and loudly of ladies of your acquaintance in the hearing of strangers, of desecrating their names by mouthing them in bar-rooms and similar public places, scribbling them upon windows, recording them, without their permission, in the registers kept at places visited from curiosity, etc., etc.You have no moral right to take such liberties in this respect, as you would not tolerate in the relation of brother, son, or husband.
Think, then, andspeak, ever, with due reverence of those guardian angels,