CORRESPONDENCE
Dear Mr. Editor,—Thinking that perhaps a little news about a hitherto unheard of department of the army (i.e. a Field Ambulance) might interest you, I have set down (having previously obtained the kind permission of the great-grandchildren of the justly celebrated Mr. Euclid, late of these parts, deceased) such axioms as will be of use and guidance to those requiring to know the habits of a Field Ambulance.
Ax. 1.—A Field Ambulance shall be an irregular conglomeration of humanity and other animals, which shall never under any circumstances conform to any fixed order or condition.Ax. 2.—Whenever possible, the number of N.C.O.’s in a Field Ambulance shall exceed the number of men by 50 per cent., in order that the said N.C.O.’s may have a twenty-four hours’ rest when on duty, supervising fatigues, etc. (This Axiom is taken from the detailed account of Corps Orders made by William the Conqueror in the year 1066.)Ax. 3.—A Field Ambulance shall never under any circumstances move off on the first instance, but all necessary fatigue for the moving shall be fully indulged. Only under extreme circumstances may it move on the second instance. (Vide AAZQP, Para. 14490053.)Ax. 4.—All batmen in a Field Ambulance shall be equal to anything.Ax. 5.—If at any time a Field Ambulance should be lost, the finder will, provided he doesn’t require it for a war curio, immediately place it in the most isolated place available, and forget it, because several others are trying to do the same.
Ax. 1.—A Field Ambulance shall be an irregular conglomeration of humanity and other animals, which shall never under any circumstances conform to any fixed order or condition.
Ax. 2.—Whenever possible, the number of N.C.O.’s in a Field Ambulance shall exceed the number of men by 50 per cent., in order that the said N.C.O.’s may have a twenty-four hours’ rest when on duty, supervising fatigues, etc. (This Axiom is taken from the detailed account of Corps Orders made by William the Conqueror in the year 1066.)
Ax. 3.—A Field Ambulance shall never under any circumstances move off on the first instance, but all necessary fatigue for the moving shall be fully indulged. Only under extreme circumstances may it move on the second instance. (Vide AAZQP, Para. 14490053.)
Ax. 4.—All batmen in a Field Ambulance shall be equal to anything.
Ax. 5.—If at any time a Field Ambulance should be lost, the finder will, provided he doesn’t require it for a war curio, immediately place it in the most isolated place available, and forget it, because several others are trying to do the same.
—Yours truly,
Nobby,Actg. D.A.L.C. & P.O.
To Abdul Mustafa Mahomet, Bird Trenches (or neighbouring green)
From Holly Spur, Suicide Valley, Anzac.Decem., 1915.
Dear Abdul,—I’m scribbling this letter in the trench with my back to the wall, and I’ve heaps of good news that I’d better get down while I think of it all. You’ve been so abnormally quiet—say, Abdul, has something gone wrong? Not a charge or a sign of a riot, not for ever and ever so long. They tell me you’re sick of campaigning, that you’d aim in your kit if you could; that your courage and patience are waning, and the prospects ain’t looking too good. Are you counting your hopes of returning to that little home there in the wood, where there’s peace, and a good fire burning, and the rations are plenty and good?
It’s near Christmas, you know—that’s the reason we’ve buried our growls for a while; for you couldn’t be sad in the season when everyone’s wearing a smile. But, of course, I forgot you’re not sharing the joy that we Christians know, and I guess you’re not giving or caring a damn for the whole bally show.
I’ll chance that it gives you the “willies”—if you’ve heard, it won’t hurt to repeat—that the cards and the boys’ Christmas billies[26]are here, and no kid, they’re a treat. Plum duff for the boys who’ve been fighting on the biscuit and beef (army store); I tell you we don’t need inviting to back in our carts for some more. Gee, the chocolate and cake are delicious, and there’s sweets and smokes in my pail, and a card with the sender’s best wishes—I’m sending my thanks per this mail. Folks who reckon that loving is living, whose hearts are as big as their land, whose happiness centres in giving—that’sourfolks andtheirold-fashioned stand.
Well, Abdul, I’ll finish this trifle, for my thoughts are beginning to drift, and the sergeant has passed me my rifle, and it’s time I took over my shift. I’m concluding this note with a moral—take a tip from a bloke in the know—pick your men when you’re picking a quarrel.—Yours truly,
Australia Joe.
P.S.—By the way, they’ve been stating that you’re scared to come out any more; don’t forget there’s a welcome here waiting, a warm one, you bet; au revoir.
Corpl.A. V. McCann,“C” Squadron,4th A.L.H. Regt.
FOOTNOTES:[26]The “billy” is a tin can something like what is known in England as a milk can, in which the Australian of the bush boils his water and makes his tea. A billy packed with various good things was being sent to each Australian soldier for Christmas.
[26]The “billy” is a tin can something like what is known in England as a milk can, in which the Australian of the bush boils his water and makes his tea. A billy packed with various good things was being sent to each Australian soldier for Christmas.
[26]The “billy” is a tin can something like what is known in England as a milk can, in which the Australian of the bush boils his water and makes his tea. A billy packed with various good things was being sent to each Australian soldier for Christmas.